Archive of Our Own

Jackie and Natalie have a complicated relationship together.

They're not friends. It's not like they want to hang out with each other. They're not even sure they would find something to talk about. It's safe to say that they don't really have anything in common except for soccer, but again they never really talked so it's hard to say.

They may not be friends, but they also don't hate each other. Sure, they argue a lot and could say hurtful things to one another, but the grudge would always fade away even though not a single one of them utter a true apology.

At best, they could be considered as teammates. Teammates that fight together a lot.

Jackie gives a shit too much, and Natalie likes to pretend she doesn't, which was a good way to piss off the team leader.

So, it's not really surprising to see them arguing after a big game, especially at a party where they drank senselessly.

The game was by default, fine. They won 2-1. But their two goals were scored thanks to mistakes from their opponents which granted them one penalty out of the two.

A win is a win to some people, but not for Jackie Taylor. Especially not when she knows that if it weren't for Lottie's perfect acting, rolling on the ground like she was actually dying, and Laura Lee praying for God to help her friend out, the penalty wouldn't even be given to them. That game was shit.

Shauna is nowhere to be found, after their… Talk… It doesn't help the already sore mood of Jackie who feels sad, angry and needs something to lash out to. For once she really wants to tell the world to fuck off, be damn the consequences.

Unfortunately for Natalie, Jackie is outside trying to get some fresh air when she stumbles over her teammate smoking with Van.

"That number nine was actually something else. I swear to you, she tried to spit into my face when I stopped her from scoring again." Van makes a disgusted face as she explains everything.

"She's fucked up. I'm glad we don't have to play against them again. We would've lost if it weren't for Lottie's antics.”

"It was pretty funny… even if Laura Lee almost had a stroke." They both chuckle at the memory from earlier. "But seriously with Lottie out with her minor injury…"

Natalie nods at the thing unsaid. "I hope Lee can pray harder for the team to get better, or we're screwed for the next games."

Jackie can't hold her tongue anymore and lets the words roll down her tongue. "Or you can finally work harder for the team just like the rest of us."

Her presence doesn't surprise the two girls who just put away the joint they were holding a few seconds ago. Natalie blows the smoke she just inhaled into Jackie's direction. "Get off my ass, Jackie. I'm not having this conversation with you. You're clearly upset about whatever the fuck you have going on right now, and I'm not going to hold any punches for you."

That's the crazy thing about their relationship. They understand each other well, while also not knowing a single thing about their lives.

That's why Jackie knows that Natalie isn't kidding about kicking her ass if she is annoying her. Jackie is really in need of a distraction after what happened with Shauna and fighting with Natalie is always working. The alcohol in her system wasn't much help to the situation.

"But it's true. You're not taking this seriously like the rest of us. Not showing up drunk or high to practice at the games is not enough."

"You think that you know everything, huh? Well guess what? You don't got me all figured out like you think you do and I'm so fucking glad to be nothing like you."

Usually, Jackie would have laughed it off, but after everything that happened today, especially with Shauna… It hurt more than it should.

She shoves Natalie angrily. "Fuck you!" Natalie stumbles into Van who swears as the beer in her cup stains her shirt. "Of course we're nothing alike, I will never sleep with a different person each week! I still have some self-respect unlike you!" Now she's just using whatever rumors she has heard in the corridors to hurt or upset Natalie.

It's stupid, but Jackie wasn't and couldn't think straight tonight. She barely registers the gasp Van makes when Natalie's hands collide with her stomach to push her. The liquor she took a few hours before must be still effective as it gives her enough courage to punch Nat back into her face.

She watches with her eyes widened as Natalie pulls back her head backwards to hold one of her hands to her mouth with a wince. Jackie knows it's too late to back down now. So she braces herself when Natalie throws her to the ground.

Jackie doesn't know how long they stayed like this, brawling into the ground until their teammates at the exception of Shauna, are tearing them apart from each other.

She knows her hair is a fucking disaster at the way Taissa is wincing at the sight of it every single time she's looking at her in her rear-view mirror when she's not focused on the road.

When Taissa and Laura Lee finally drop her off in front of her house and tell her to take care of herself before leaving her, Jackie feels like shit.

She's not sure her friendship with Shauna could survive after what happened tonight, she broke up with Jeff again, and on top of that she got into a fight with Natalie who didn't deserve any of it.

Feeling more vulnerable than ever, Jackie lets herself fall asleep from exhaustion.

The first thing Jackie can feel as she wakes up is how cold she is. That alone is a little weird considering that she always sleeps under at least two blankets, but what also stirs her from her sleep are the sound and the unfamiliar smell.

A dog is barking, which is very new to Jackie unless one of her neighbors decided to suddenly get one and the room smells like cigarettes. Cigarettes, that Jackie is certainly not allowed to smoke in front of her parents and even less inside her room.

With a grunt of pain attempts to open her eyes. Maybe Natalie did slap her across the face last night after all…

She finally manages to open her eyes, but the sight in front of her distraught her immediately, making her sit straight into the bed.

Band posters on the walls, dirty clothes laying on the ground, an ashtray with crushed cigarette butts on the windowsill, music tapes inside cardboard boxes… Only a small blanket!?

It definitely wasn't her room.

A little shaken by the unknown place, Jackie decides to take a look outside. From the window, Jackie could recognize the place. She only went there one time to pick Nat up with Shauna because they were afraid she would be late for the next game after Coach Martinez said that he wouldn't hesitate to bench her. But no doubt, she was at the trailer park…

It doesn't make sense… She was sure that Taissa and Laura Lee helped her get home after the fight and that she fell asleep in her own bed. Also, it wouldn't make sense for Natalie to let her stay at her place after everything!

Pretty sure that someone is playing some sick joke to her, Jackie makes the decision to find the bathroom to take a shower that would perhaps help her make more sense of the situation.

It only made things worse.

Jackie jumps frighten when she makes eye contact with the reflection of Natalie in the mirror, or herself…?

"What the fuck…?" Low and raspy voice… Definitely not hers.

Completely distributed, she looks at the clothes on her to find the same in the reflection. She even tries to touch her face only to wince when her fingers touch her lips too brutally. She can feel everything…

It must be a nightmare, right? There is just no way that she's actually in Natalie's body, right? Does that mean that Natalie has taken her place…?

Mortified by the sudden realization, Jackie quickly washes her face before putting something else other than shorts and a dirty shirt to head out.

School. Her goal is to go to school and find Natalie, or must she say, herself.

She tries to not be too picky when choosing the clothes and puts what Natalie would usually wear to go to school.

When she tried to get out of the bedroom, a loud snoring sound made her freeze.

Shit.

She was so focused on trying to understand the situation a little that she completely forgot the hardest part, yet… Fooling the family.

It might be a little insensitive to think, but she's really glad that she just has to deal with Natalie's mother. Natalie never spoke about her father, but it was no secret that he was not the kind of person to hug or kiss his child goodnight… 

Vera, on the other hand, is a complete secret to everyone, including Jackie. She doesn't get out, she never shows up to anything related to Natalie let it be soccer or her grades. To summarize, she doesn't give a fuck about Natalie.

Jackie doesn't know how to deal with a parent who doesn't care. Hers care, sometimes to the point of suffocating her. She doesn't really know which one is worse… But she guesses it's still better to have parents willing to provide you with things and not… Bottles of alcohol staining the floor.

With her heart beating wildly into her chest, Jackie tiptoes around the several empty bottles and unknown items to reach the door. The door thankfully doesn't make a sound like those in horror movies, however the stupid dog takes this opportunity to bark once again. His barking is enough to wake Vera who catches Jackie trying to sneak away.

The woman doesn't leave the couch in which she probably slept all night, but does grab her cigarettes just beside her. She lights up one cigarette like it's just her morning coffee, and frowns at the sight of her daughter still standing there.

"Before you leave, don't forget to get some eggs. If you don't have money, try to steal some from that stupid whore near the station."

"Sure."

The woman doesn't answer back, her eyes already looking at the TV in front of her.

Completely drained from this interaction, Jackie closes the door behind her and let out a sigh of relief.

She really hopes that Natalie didn't make a scene with her own parents…

Nat knows what it is to have an awful morning. She gets those quite often depending on the amount of alcohol she drank the night before. But, she never experienced one like today. 

Usually, the first familiar thing to her is Ducky barking or the ceiling dropping some water into her face. Instead, she's forced to open her eyes at some hellish alarm. The source responsible for this sound doesn't last much longer when she smashes it against the floor. 

Slowly making attention to the things around her, she feels suddenly hot. Frustrated, she kicks the blankets off her. Then, she comes to the realization that she's not in her bedroom. It's too dark to tell where she is exactly, but she's been at Kevyn's or Van's enough to know that she's not at her friend's house. The bed is way too nice.

It smells nice like some kind of flower type of shit and… breakfast?

She pushes with her hands to stand up from the bad. She winces at the sudden pain. Weird. She knows for sure that she didn't punch Jackie last night. Did she push her around? Yes. But, she would never really hurt her team captain. The last thing she needs is Shauna sending her death glare or trying to kill her in practice. That girl could be pretty intense when it comes to her best friend.

Nat stumbles to the window to open the curtains and curses when the sun blinds her. It takes her a few minutes to get used to it, before she can finally look at the view in front of her.

Fuck.

Fancy neighborhood, perfect green lawn, not a single dog running around without his leash around its neck… She's in Jackie's neighborhood.

But it doesn't make any sense.

She's a hundred percent sure that she fell asleep in her own bed after Van took her home. She was so tired that she remembers not removing her make-up but also that she definitely wasn't wasted.

Maybe it was some kind of prank? JV sure does love to mess around after all…

What time is it, anyway?

She probably needs to get ready if she wants to avoid another detention for being late.

It's when she tries to leave the room that something immediately catches her eye.

Jackie's jersey.

No way.

On the wall can be seen plenty of pictures of Jackie's life. Some are with her family, but most of them are of the Yellowjackets, mostly Shauna.

She huffs, Van would be howling of laughter. She always says that Jackie only keeps Jeff as an accessory until Shauna finally makes a move on her.

Nat's gaze darts between the only picture of Jackie with her boyfriend and the collection of pictures the best friends have together. Could it be…?

Her thoughts are interrupted by the door suddenly opening. She jolts away from the picture like the woman in front of her just caught her doing a crime.

She frowns in confusion. Miss Taylor…? Yeah, she's definitely at Jackie's… Fuck JV if it's one of their jokes, then it's not funny. That woman fucking hates her guts.

The woman gasps.

Oh yeah, she's so screwed. How the fuck can she explain that she woke up at Jackie's?

"What happened to your clock!?" Your …? The woman squat down to collect the broken object. "Maybe your dad can take a look at it." What the hell…? Did she just say dad ? Nat almost laughed at the strange humor of the mother. Everyone knows that her dad is dead. "Don't forget to eat your breakfast before leaving for school." Before closing the door, she clicks her tongue. "Hurry you don't have all day, Jackie."

The woman finally left, leaving Nat completely stunned.

Jackie.

Did she just call her Jackie…?

The weed from yesterday must still do wonders. There is just no way that…

The answer is pretty clear to her once she looks in the mirror. Big eyes, messy hair from last night, pretty innocent face… No fucking way. She's in Jackie's body.

She pinches her cheeks, hoping to wake up from this nightmare. Nothing. She takes a shower, hoping that it can perhaps make time pass enough to be back at her own life. Nothing.

Fuck.

Fuck this.

Fuck the universe, fuck her life and most of all, fuck Jackie!

Maybe she died in her sleep yesterday, and the universe decided to punish her by giving her a day as Jackie Taylor.

Just when she was finally starting to put her life together…

Putting whatever clothes she could find, Nat decided to get downstairs. Running away from the situation doesn't seem like the proper solution. Especially, if the worst outcome is that somewhere, there is Jackie in her body, trying to live her life.

Jackie is already annoying trying to get them to open up to her about their lives, she really doesn't need her to be aware of everything in hers.

The Taylors are already waiting for their daughter, when she gets down. She won't be able to run to the door, without eating with them…

Trying to make peace with the situation, Nat sits down at the same table as them. She purses her lips at the food in front of her. Nat is not picky, but she does remember Shauna switching her cereals with Jackie once because the latter hated the flavor. Looks like mom doesn't know everything about her daughter.

Mr. Taylor doesn't even look up from his journal to greet his daughter. "It's a shame that the boys lost their latest game. Jeff must be upset."

It shouldn't be that big of a surprise. Their team fucking sucks. "Yeah, but at least our team managed to win."

Nat freezes at the side eyes she gets from the man at her comment. Maybe it's best that she keeps her mouth shut.

"Jacqueline. What did I say about speaking that way? Don't be so uncaring about what people might feel. You can't just rub your success under your boyfriend's nose." 

Now, Nat just wanted to laugh. She just did not hear Mrs. Taylor of all people telling her to be less of a bitch. What was wrong with being proud of her team anyway? Especially for Jackie. She's the team captain, not benched like a useless fuck like Jeff.

"Right…" Feeling that the atmosphere is getting more tense, Nat attempts to get away from these two. "Shauna is-"

"Oh! She called this morning and said that she can't drive you today."

That's actually a relief because if there is one person who could clock that there is something wrong with Jackie, it's Shauna.

"That's okay, I'll just walk."

Mr. Taylor stopped himself from talking another bit of his dinner to look at his wife, like to ask if they both heard the same thing.

The woman just laughed dryly. "Don't be ridiculous, Jackie. Your father is going to drive you. You can't be late to your classes."

Right, for a moment she really thought that they were concerned for Jackie's safety. These people are crazy. Ready to leave before she can say or do anything, another look from Mr. Taylor stopped her from moving more.

"Are you going to school dressed like that? Your skirt is a bit short and Jeff won't be the only boy there. " What the fuck is that misogynistic question?

"Yes, actually. I didn't buy it to just look at it." Now that she thinks about it, perhaps it was Jackie's first intention, since she had to tuck the ticket of the skirt inside it.

Jackie's mother comically gasps at her. "This is no way to address your father! I'll be the one to drive you today. We are going to have a long talk about your attitude."

Nat suppressed a groan. Can Jackie please get back in her own body before she kills herself in it?

The drive of fifteen minutes was the worst thing ever, especially when you got a bitch nagging about everything in your ear.

With the biggest hypocritical smile she could make, Nat finally left the car ignoring the last words of the woman.

Jackie better be at school or she's murdering her.

Being Jackie Taylor, she should be used to getting glances or at least feel a bit more comfortable. But, being in Natalie Scatorccio's body is a whole different level.

Most of them think that they're being slick by peaking a quick look at her to talk to each other in hushed discussions. The way some boys look at her is also disgusting. They look at her like she's some kind of meat and that she's going to throw a bone to them.

A part of her wants to tell them to fuck off, or something among these lines, but she knows better. It could get Natalie into trouble, and the last thing that she needs is to attract more to their lives. It would also not help her to try to defend her case to any teachers because of how messed up her face is currently.

The best thing she can do is to wait at Natalie's locker like nothing is wrong, like a cool, laid-back, I don't give a fuck about the world kind of girl.

Jackie almost fails when she can easily identify the perfume invading her senses.

Shauna.

Her best friend simply walks past her, wearing one of her many flannels with her hair tied up in a bun done probably quickly this morning before heading to school. She looks good. Shauna always looks beautiful. In fact, Jackie doesn't think that it's possible for Shauna to look bad.

Just one look of Shauna is enough to knock the air out of her. For a moment, she almost forgot that she wasn't Jackie but Natalie. Almost, because Shauna glares at her.

It makes Jackie look away immediately. Sure, she already saw Shauna angry, but usually these looks were not directed at her . Now, she can understand why half the team once voted Shauna to be the most intimidating girl.

Thankfully, Shauna doesn't stay any longer and just rushes to her next class, leaving Jackie to breathe properly.

She doesn't get to enjoy the quick peaceful moment, when she can see people making way for an unusual scene.

Jackie, herself, is coming right towards her with the face twisted in anger. She doesn't look intimidating at all… But, the thing is that Jackie knows who is inside her body and that is terrifying.

"Hi… Jack-"

Natalie doesn't let her end her sentence, she just grabs her by the arm, ignoring the people staring at them.

"Shut the fuck up. Follow me." She doesn't really give a chance to Jackie to protest and drags her through the school hallways.

It's strange to be dragged along by herself, she never knew her face could actually make that kind of angry face. The most she can do is raise her voice a little to motivate her team, but trying to give the scary look to other people wasn't her thing. It's more a job for Tai, Shauna, or Natalie.

Nobody really questions the situation since they're all aware of their big fight the night before. It makes things easier. The only thing that could make the situation suspicious is how Natalie doesn't fight back. But they're teammates so apart from a couple of whispers and glances they make it outside by the bleachers without being interrupted.

Jackie immediately pulls away from Natalie's grasp with a shriek. Or at least, she wanted to shriek, but with Natalie's voice it comes out more like a growl. "What the fuck!? Did you really have to make a scene in front of everyone?"

She looks up to see her face even more furious as Natalie crosses her arms clenching her sport jacket tightly. "We don't have time to fucking care about rumors between us, Taylor. Whatever you did, you have to undo it now."

It's Jackie's turn to chuckle angrily. "I didn't do anything. Do you really think that I would ever want to trade my body for yours!?"

She looks up to see her face even more furious as Natalie crosses her arms clenching her sport jacket tightly. "We don't have time to fucking care about rumors between us, Taylor. Whatever you did, you have to undo it now."

It's Jackie's turn to chuckle angrily. "I didn't do anything. Do you really think that I would ever want to trade my body for yours!?"

"I don't know!" Natalie throws her arms in the air, completely overwhelmed by the situation. "Maybe you tried some Voodoo shit last night to kill me, and you fucked up the spell."

Jackie could laugh about how ridiculous those accusations are. "First of all, I'm not a witch and secondly, I would never do that."

Natalie knows it deep inside so she doesn't try to find any more crazy reasons. "Fuck… What can we do?"

Now that's a very good question… If this thing is permanent, they need to find a solution to make things more… Normal?

"We can't tell anyone, they would think we lost it."

"Coming from me they would just think that I'm high, but yeah, I agree. This is something we must settle ourselves."

"First, you need to know that I broke up with Jeff. So don't interact with him.”

Natalie's face softened at the information. "Suck to hear it." She probably meant half of it. It's no secret she always thought Jeff was a jerk.

Jackie just waves it off. "It's nothing. It was bound to happen anyway." She ignores the questioning look her teammate is giving her.

"Are you currently in a relationship?" She really hopes that Natalie is not dating any trashy guy who smells like a dumpster.

Natalie makes a face for a moment. "Kinda…? It's complicated."

Now, Jackie is annoyed. "It's not. Yes or no?"

Natalie hesitates before gesturing to Jackie to give her something. "Do you have a piece of paper in my pockets?"

Jackie dives her hands into the pockets of the leather jacket to find indeed a piece of paper. It was pink and seemed to have some kind of perfume on it. Somehow it was familiar to Jackie, but before she could unfold it, Natalie took it from her. "Jeez, I wasn't going to eat it."

"Shut up." Natalie reads the note, careful to not let Jackie see any of it. She suddenly grins and looks at Jackie. "Yeah, we're dating."

Jackie rolls her eyes. "Fantastic. Who is it?"

The bells rang, interrupting their conversation.

"Maybe we should-"

"Absolutely not!" She's not going to mess around with her attendance record by skipping. Not now, not ever! "I have French and History class. I already know yours."

Natalie stifles a laugh. Of course Jackie knows, she probably also knows the entire team classes. That's how seriously she takes the responsibility of being a team captain. "Fine. See you in the locker room in two hours."

"And don't open your mouth to speak unless you really have to. Especially in French class even though they know I already suck at it." Natalie simply flips her off before stomping toward the school. "I don't stomp!" Natalie doesn't turn away, making Jackie groan into her hands.

Shauna is freaking her out.

Everyone knows and has noticed how much Jackie's friendship can be complex with her best friend.

The deep, longing glances they made every chance they got. The way they looked ready to kill the people getting too close to one another. Sharing the same bed, the same clothes, the same fucking food… She honestly wouldn't be surprised to find they also once shared the same boyfriend.

Anyway, Shauna thinking that Jackie is, well, Jackie, just keeps staring at Nat like she can communicate with her mind.

It's like she wants her to tell her something or at least wave, but that's Shauna. And only a God, if it exists above, can attest to how one doesn't need to mangle with these two and whatever they have going on.

Nat keeps glancing at the clock, begging for it to go faster. She's going to run for her life.

Because that's not just Shauna digging daggers at her skull. Jeff is being an even bigger weirdo than usual. He looks like he wants to cry and is going to collapse on his knees at any moment.

However, Jeff doesn't only stare at Jackie that way. He also looks at Shauna.

If Jackie did a threesome with them and ruined their relationships forever… She sure hopes that it was at least a fun time.

This is a fucking mess.

Fuck History.

At least French class was enjoyable. A bit boring but the view wasn't so bad…

A ball of paper falls at her feet.

Fuck.

The teacher doesn't notice her banding a bit to catch it. Useless shitface. Can't he tell her to throw it in the trash?

With a sigh, Nat opens the paper.

Can we talk about what

 happened last night?

She wants to laugh. What the fuck happened last night?

She doubts that Shauna wants to talk about the little fist fight Jackie went through, which means that something else happened last night. Something that involves Jeff. Jeff, who Jackie broke up with presumably last night.

You know what? Fuck it!

She doesn't get paid to solve the mess in Jackie's life.

She just needs to survive through this class.

A solution suddenly appears in her mind. Only ten minutes left before the end of her class… She can pretend to need to fetch something from Coach Martinez and just hide somewhere until Shauna and Jeff are out of sight. She's probably going to be late to meet Jackie, but at this point… her chances of avoiding Shauna are slim.

Her mind made up, she collects her stuff before getting up quickly. She doesn't turn around to look at Shauna or Jeff. It's game over if she makes eye contact with them right now.

"I have to leave early. I have some papers to show Coach Martinez." A bright smile. No one could say no to that smile.

Their teacher forced a sigh. "You may leave early. Don't forget to-"

She didn't really catch what he said, already out of the room.

It feels good to be away from them…

She just takes a few moments to appreciate the peace, knowing that Shauna could at any moment burst out of the room, ready to interrogate her.

Seriously… What happened last night? Did Jackie fight with her because she got into a fight with Jeff? With Shauna?

Now hiding in an empty room, Nat waits.

She shouldn't be concerned about Jackie's life. It's her mess after all, not hers.

But…

It wouldn't be so bad to hear what Jackie has to say…

She honestly shouldn't be surprised to wait after Natalie for at least five minutes, but who was she fooling? Being fashionably late is a Natalie thing.

Nothing annoys her more than to wait because her teammate is late as if their lives weren't currently on the verge of being destroyed. Okay, maybe she's being a little over dramatic, but can you really blame her?

And she knows that Natalie had to attend the same class as Shauna and Jeff. What an idiot… maybe she should have let Nat skip this one class. Hopefully, Natalie won't ask any questions about last night.

Even herself is still trying to wrap her head around what exactly happened… or at least why she couldn't just keep her mouth shut.

She probably ruined the best thing in her life with her delusional thoughts…

Finally, the doors swing open, making her stand up from the bench ready to scold Natalie. Instead of finding her familiar face in front of her, Lottie greets her with a smile. Jackie just falls into a silent state of surprise, completely taken aback by the sudden presence of their local rich friend.

As usual, Lottie was wearing a skirt complimenting her long and strong legs with a shirt and jacket that are probably more expensive than the whole budget given to their school in a single year.

Jackie considers Lottie as a friend. They hang out together from time to time (with Shauna of course), she just finds it easy to talk to her. Lottie isn't really judgmental, but she also loves to hear what little gossip the girls could give her. But the thing is, even after so much time spent with her, Jackie doesn't really feel like she knows who Lottie is. You can't really know what Lottie is thinking, because she never really shares her thoughts with anyone. Well, maybe except…

"Were you expecting someone else?"

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize how close Lottie is now. She tried to take a few steps away from the taller girl, making her back hit the lockers behind her. Lottie seems amused by the situation.

"Maybe…?"

What the hell is she supposed to say? It's no secret that Lottie and Natalie are close friends outside of the team. You can always see them sharing a cigarette at a party, whispering things in each other's ears completely lost in their own world. A world that Jackie has no idea how it looks like, just another reason to stress her out for that kind of situation.

The small devious smile on Lottie's face doesn't falter. "Really?" She walks slowly but confidently in Jackie's direction. What is going on with her…? Jackie's breath suddenly cuts off in her throat when Lottie lifts her hand to gently brush the cut on her lip. "Does it hurt?"

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God… Is she tripping? She can feel her heartbeat fighting for its life in her chest. Jackie is not immune to a pretty girl holding her in that kind of way.

"Sometimes…" She must look so fucking pathetic. Natalie is going to smash her head on the floor for being so weird with Lottie. Well, except that Lottie is the one being weird with her.

Lottie doesn't take her hand away. She just locks her eyes with Jackie. "A busted lip is kinda sexy if you ask me…" It takes everything in Jackie to not scream. Lottie is flirting, isn't she? She's not just making scenarios in her head. "I can kiss it better if you want."

Kiss it better…

Wait.

What?

Jackie freezes at the proximity between them and the way Lottie just slowly moves to reduce the gap between their lips. She looks at her like she wants to swallow her whole. Jackie feels small, like a prey ready to be eaten.

She can barely hear another person gasp at the scene, before Lottie is just yanked away from her, falling on her butt, just beside Jackie.

“What the actual fuck?” Natalie just sneers at them.

Jackie never thought that she would be so relieved to see Natalie to the point of practically hiding behind her.

Lottie just pouts. She just fucking pouts like someone stole her lollipop or something. What the hell is wrong with this girl? "Never knew you for being homophobic, Jackie."

Both of them shout in union. "I'm not!"

Natalie just smacks the air out of Jackie's lungs by slapping her stomach. Bitch. “Stop being weird, Natalie .”

OH.

That's right, she's Natalie.

Now, Lottie looks a little distraught, because why the fuck is Nat answering on Jackie's behalf? And since when is Jackie allowed to just slap Nat? They're not fooling her.

"Okay. What the fuck is going on? Don't try to bullshit me."

They're cornered, they just know it. With a defeated sigh, Natalie invites Lottie to sit down.

“It's a bit weird, but you have to trust me…”

Both of them spend the next hour trying to explain everything to Lottie, who oddly wasn't looking at them like they were mad people.

"Oh… That explains why you were shamelessly checking me out in French class." Jackie is just floored by the comment. After everything they said this is the only thing that Lottie has to say!?

But she also is horrified by this information, turning her attention to Natalie. "You what!?" She pushes her not caring if she leaves a mark on her own body. "Don't do that in my body!"

"Sorry, the view was so pretty I kinda forgot about anything for a moment."

Jackie wants to slam her head against the wall. Natalie is going to ruin every single of her efforts. She can already say goodbye to her reputation. And fucking Lottie is laughing her ass off like she wasn't kissing her a few minutes before. Well, not her, but it's the same!

"Wait… How long are you going to stay like this?"

"That's the thing, Lottie. We don't have a fucking clue!" Says a desperate Jackie to see that Lottie is just now realizing how messed up the situation is.

A sudden realization seems to strike Lottie. "It means that I won't be allowed to spend time with Nat while you're her…"

Even Natalie couldn't help but to chuckle at the conclusion her girlfriend just made. "I'm more worried about the fact that we have a game coming up in a week or that Jackie can't act like me for shit, but yeah, Lottie. No making out with me until we get this fixed."

It is almost comical how Lottie's face crumbled as Natalie confirmed her worst fear. "We need to find something then."

"Since it started after our fight, maybe we need to slap each other." Natalie came to this conclusion almost too casually that Jackie suspects she just wants to slap the shit out of her for fun.

Jackie raises her hands as self-defense. "Wait a minute! It doesn't make sense. It's like trying to heal something bad with something more evil. Perhaps we just need to sleep? After all, we woke up like this after a good night of sleep."

"Too easy." Brushes off Lottie like the idea of slapping was any better. "We should ask Van. I'm sure she saw tons of films with that kind of scenario."

"No way we're telling Van!" Jackie would rather die than tell another person.

Lottie rolls her eyes at the rejection. "We don't have to tell her anything. We can simply ask for film recommendations."

"You're so smart, Lot."

"Thanks, babe."

Jackie almost rolls her eyes at the exchange. These two together are insufferable.

She can't help but to admit that they make a weird but kinda sweet couple.

Of course, she wouldn't have baited anything on the fact the person Nat is dating is Lottie, but it also makes sense.

The notes… She never really paid much attention to how Lottie was always making doodles on those colored pieces of paper, but now that she thinks hard about it… That thing had been going on for a while.

“So… Since when are you two together? I just made the link between your perfumed papers and Natalie's mood coincidentally improving on these days.”

Natalie doesn't seem particularly interested to answer anything related to her relationship, but Lottie is quick to grab Jackie by the arm as they make their way out of the room. 

“Officially? Today. I left a paper inside her pocket telling her that I wanted to make it official. We talked about it yesterday, but I only got the chance to slip the paper into her pocket when I got her home. It was a hard and long courtship, but totally worth it.”

It probably explains why Natalie kept her mouth shut. No need to make a fuss about a casual relationship.

“So you've been together since…?”

“Five months.”

“Jesus. How the hell is no one aware of it? I mean, no offense, but now that I think about it, you're not exactly subtle.”

Natalie chuckles behind them. “Misty is kinda aware… since the shower incident.”

It doesn't take a drawing to understand what the poor Misty probably stumbled upon. Jackie expects Lottie to blush or look a bit ashamed by what her girlfriend just said, but she just bursts out laughing. “You should have seen how Nat got up so quickly to run after Misty and make her hold her tongue.” They both laugh like looking back on a fond memory.

“I don't even want to know. I'm just getting the hold of your relationship, and by what I understand you probably invited her in the shower with you.”

Natalie looks at her like she's crazy, while Lottie looks a bit saddened. “Maybe it would have been better than to invite her to every single one of our parties…” She very much regrets knowing this version of Lottie.

“To answer your question, it's because everyone is much more focused on their own little lives. Only Van knows, but only because she read one of my papers falling from my locker.”

Now, that's something Jackie can recall. A red paper, Van gasping with the face red as Natalie dragged her out of the locker room to talk. No one really asked anything about it afterwards, preoccupied by practice.

“I see.” Just as they enter the cafeteria, she asks the worst question of her life. “What's with the color coding? I remember seeing you with a lot of red and pink papers.”

“Blue is to meet after school, pink is just Lottie being a sap, green is when we want to discuss something important, and red is for… I'm sure you get the picture.”

The numerous red papers… She can understand why Van decided to stay mute.

Lottie doesn't miss a beat with her teasing grin. “What can I say? I'm a romantic at heart.”

“You two are so… I don't even want to hear about your relationship anymore, I think I'm cured from curiosity forever.”

Lottie smiles at Natalie who stifles a laugh before spotting the table the team usually sits at. Only Laura Lee and Van are currently chatting while Gen just waits a little afar probably to eat with Melissa since they're pretty close.

The trio doesn't miss the opportunity to sit near Van, setting the plan into motion.

Only the presence of Jackie seems to make Van raise an eyebrow.

“Wow, how come the great Jackie Taylor seems to deem me worthy of sitting just besides her?”

Nat doesn't have the time to answer that the real Jackie is already huffing. “Is she not allowed to?”

Van looks a little taken aback by the intervention of her best friend. “You know that I don't give a fuck. However… What's up with the two of you? Smacking each other was all it took for you to finally bury the ax of war?”

“You could say that.” Says Nat without giving more details.

Laura Lee beams at the news. “That's great! I'm glad you girls could find the strength to forgive. I prayed for you last night.”

It takes everything Nat to not just roll her eyes. She's not sure that there's exactly something to forgive Jackie. It's always like that, they say dumb things, they ignore each other a bit, repeat.  Except that this time they did use violence… But does it really matter? Maybe Jackie really needed it last night. Nat can't really blame her for it if something happened prior to their fight. Plus, she never saw Jackie use physical violence to lash out… It makes her wonder even more about what happened last night.

Sensing that Van wasn't going to let them go without getting more, Lottie took the matter into her hands. “Since they made up, we were planning on doing a movie night.”

Van's eyes light up at the topic. “Watcha’ thinkin about?”

“We were thinking of something like you know the whole scenario of switching bodies. Know something?” Explains Lottie trying to be nonchalant about it.

“Weirdly specific, but I can work with that!” Van takes a bite of her sandwich, Nat smiles behind her hand at Jackie's face as their teammate just continues to speak with her mouth full. “All of me is pretty good, but I find it also boring.”

“Why? Is the ending bad?” How the fuck is Lottie so good at this…?

“Yeah. That's why I would either recommend Vice Versa or Freaky Friday.”

“Is the plot better? How does the story end?” Nat almost groans at how bad Jackie is at it. So subtle…

“Dude, you should watch them. You know I hate to tell the ending of a movie. That's not how you should enjoy the sweat, blood and tears that the people who worked on these spilled.”

Jackie looks genuinely sorry. “My bad…”

“Is that Scatorccio trying to say she's sorry without puking blood?” Nat turns around to see Taissa with Shauna coming their way not so far behind. “Never thought I would hear it one day.”

She huffs. “Oh, fuck off, Taissa.” It's only by the way Taissa looks taken aback and by the gasp of Van and Laura Lee, that she realizes she fucked up.

Right… It's not unusual for Taissa and Nat to bicker and throw meaningless insults at each other. However, Jackie is hardly ever rude to anyone on the team, especially Taissa. Their rivalry for soccer aside, the two of them have a good relationship. Taissa acknowledges Jackie for her good leadership, while Jackie admires Taissa for her drive and pursuit of success.

Taissa recovers quickly and sits down beside her. “Did punching each other make you best friends? Did I miss something after dropping you last night?”

Van let a laugh escape her lips. “Yeah, they're being weirdly close.”

“Weirdly close, huh?” Shauna's tone is low, almost coming like a growl. Nat notices that she doesn't sit close to her, however she doesn't stop glaring at Natalie like she wants to strangle her. The tension is clearly high between Shauna and the true Jackie and it doesn't help with how she glares back.

“What? Isn't Jackie allowed to spend time with her teammates?” Nat sees Shauna's jaw tenses.

Oh my… Jackie shut the fuck up.

Nat looks at Lottie for reinforcement, but her girlfriend is too busy eyeing the way Jackie plays with the rings around her fingers.

Useless lesbian…

“I just find it weird how you two suddenly want to get close.”

It's not like Nat really wanted to…

Well, fuck. She really gets really red when something upset her. That's embarrassing now that she notices it. No wonder some people love to call her Red Card when they're playing. “Well, perhaps Jackie just wants more faithful friends around her, who wants to spend time with her!”

Fuck, Jackie. Shauna turns her attention to Nat, her face crumbling. Her eyes look at her with a mix of anger, sadness, betrayal and hurt. She gets up, not caring about the way everyone at the table is looking at them and drags Nat a little far from the team. Jackie throws a panicked look at her, probably realizing her mistake.

Shauna is trapping her arm with an iron grip. “You told her!?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

Shauna huffs, clearly upset. “Don't play dumb, Jackie. What happened last night…” There goes the saddened look. “I think we should talk about it. Just the two of us. Not with fucking Natalie who punched you last night.”

She doesn't know what Shauna heard about last night, but she's being overdramatic. Nat barely touched Jackie last night. Sure she wanted to fight back, but she's not dumb enough to physically hurt the leader of their team. Also, she's pretty sure that Jackie could trip on thin air and break her bones.

“It was just a push, Shauna.”

“I don't fucking care, she better keep her hands to herself or I'll bury her alive.”

Well damn Shipman…

“Look, you're still upset about what happened last night and I am too. I'll give you an answer tomorrow. It might be better this way.”

“Tonight.” This girl doesn't know when to quit…

“Fine. Can you let go of my arm or do you intend to tie us with handcuffs?”

Shauna lets go of her after a short moment of consideration. Fucking hell. There's a lot to unpack there. At least Shauna has the decency to look a bit ashamed.

Half of the team already left the table when they got back. Nat doesn't have the luxury of finishing her lunch, as she is taken away by Jackie.

They walk fast enough to leave the cafeteria quicker as possible. Leaving a frustrated Shauna behind who could only aggressively stab her apple as she watched her best friend trying to keep up.

Jackie didn't stop walking until they reached the parking lot. She stops Nat with both of her hands on her shoulders, her face, just an inch away from hers. “I need you to tell me every-” She stops scrunching her nose. "Did you… You didn't shower!?"

"What?" She tries to push off Jackie as she tries to sniff her like a damn dog. "Fuck off, Jackie!"

"You don't smell like my shampoo!" Say with an accusatory tone to the girl, a bit scandalized that Nat didn't make the effort to take a shower.

"Because I didn't use it! That's not my fucking body. I didn't feel comfortable to just…" She makes big moves, almost touching her breast. "Also, isn't it like… cheating?"

Jackie scoffs. "You're being ridiculous. I don't care if you have high morals or just scared that Lottie is going to lose her shit about it, because I love to smell good." She crosses her arms on her chest. "Do I need to wash you?"

Nat immediately takes a step back. "Don't be a creep and tell me what you want from me.”

“Did Shauna tell you something a bit… strange?”

“Well, she wants to bury me.”

“I said a bit strange, Natalie!”

What the… Nevermind, she just wants to get this over with.

“She wants to speak about whatever happened last night. You have to give an answer tonight.”

Jackie nods, expecting that kind of outcome considering the situation. “I'll call her at Lottie's.”

“Speaking of Lottie, where is she?”

A black car suddenly pulls up, the window of the passenger seat coming down slowly. “Can I give you a ride, ladies?”

Nat doesn't waste any second and opens the door for Jackie. “Hurry up, we've got plenty of stuff to talk about and three movies to rent.” 

Jackie lets out a sigh that could be interpreted as agonizing, it might be the first time that Nat could relate to Jackie Taylor.

Fuck this.

It's by embracing the warmth of the blanket alongside the fireplace and the scent of burnt popcorn, courtesy of Lottie, that Jackie realizes that she never tried to hang out at the Matthews outside of the parties they did.

Not that Lottie ever invited her anyway. They usually liked to hang out with the team at the mall. But it seems Natalie wasn't unfamiliar with the house at all.

It must be very convenient for them that Lottie's parents are always on some business trips… That's something she never experienced, the freedom.

Her parents are always trying to interfere with her life. Trying to control what she eats, can wear, even the people she is allowed to spend time with. The latter is partly responsible for her lack of connection with Natalie.

Jackie never truly deemed Natalie as someone unworthy of spending more time with outside of soccer. Quite the contrary, she wanted to learn more about her. Her mother, however, wasn't a big fan of her teammate. She could understand a friendship with Shauna since they were childhood friends, or one with Lottie who comes from a wealthy family, but the local burnout? Out of question.

Fearing to upset her mother, Jackie never tried to get closer with Natalie outside of their team activities.

Perhaps it was the first mistake between them, not trying.

Anyway, looking at how Natalie easily navigates her way into the house is fascinating to Jackie. Lottie didn't have to say anything to her that the girl had already taken care of everything for them to settle down on the enormous couch of the Matthews.

It was like seeing Natalie in a different light.

Obviously, Jackie knows that her teammate isn't a bad person, but she never imagined that she could be so… caring? Even perhaps soft?

She knows that if Natalie could hear her thoughts she would try to make her eat her own words, since it broke the big persona she had built over the years, but still, it was interesting to notice.

So it doesn't really startle her when Natalie decides to bring back what happened last night as she gently runs her fingers in circles on the skin of her sleepy girlfriend against her. 

“What happened last night with Shauna? I never saw you being so upset over something like… ever.”

Jackie ponders for a moment if she can push back the inevitable. She knows that Natalie wouldn't mind not hearing about it right now, but their situation requires of her the truth. She has no choice but to confront what happened last night and try to be honest with herself for once… Being honest with yourself… As if it worked perfectly for her yesterday anyway…

“It was a disaster…”

Jackie wandered in Randy's house in search of a clean shirt or just a goddamn vest. Everyone was celebrating their team's win, even the boys, despite their defeat. It's not like they're not used to it so it doesn't make a big difference.

But party means alcohol, and victory means getting wasted. Some of the JV were still not very used to drinking, so it wasn't a surprise to find Gen throwing up while Melissa was holding up her cap for her so she wouldn't puke on the expensive carpet of Randy's parents. Thankfully, Laura Lee was there to take care of Gen before anyone had the bad idea of just sending her home in this state. Jackie stumbled on them in the kitchen after getting out of a hellish conversation with Allie over why the earth is not round. No wonder Taissa avoided her outside of practice…

Anyway, Laura Lee made her in charge of finding a clean top for their teammate while she was attending to her meanwhile Melissa was trying to clean her precious cap… Which was fucking disgusting, and Jackie hoped that the girl was just so gone far that she didn't realize yet that she would have to throw her hat away.

It turns out that searching after a clean shirt or jacket is not an easy fit. She was either always pulled away by someone trying to congratulate her on the win or by the dancing teenagers not paying any attention to whom they could hit.

Usually, Jackie would be up to dance a little with her friends or partake in games, but she really didn't feel like it tonight.

Who were they trying to fool with their party and celebration?

The match had been a total disaster. They almost lost and Lottie was out for at least a full month. But yeah, let's pretend everything is fine!

Not to mention that Shauna was nowhere to be found. She asked her best friend if she could try to ask Jeff if he could drive her back home early since she didn't feel like partying, but now she lost both of them.

Or so she thought.

After pushing a bunch of people out of her way, Jackie finally made her way upstairs in front of Randy's bedroom.

Jackie didn't knock, but perhaps she should have. It would've saved her from seeing the most haunting scene she ever witnessed in her life.

Jeff was touching Shauna. He had both his hands on her chest, panting as Shauna had her hand in his boxer shorts. Worst of all, Shauna was kissing him as she locked her eyes with Jackie's.

It's like everything disappeared for a moment, the loud music, the voices of the loud teens, the messy bedroom, Jeff. The only thing Jackie could focus on was Shauna.

Shauna, totally disheveled, catching up her breath, gasping and trying to push Jeff off her once her brain grasped who had stumbled into the room.

“Jackie, wait!”

Shauna didn't have to tell her, even if she wanted to move, her body was just stuck. Unable to move or say anything coherent in the moment, Jackie could only watch as Jeff and Shauna were trying to dress themselves quickly.

Jeff had his eyes fixed on the floor at least he had the decency of looking ashamed, or perhaps it was just cowardice which was more typical of him.

“Looks like you finally found Jeff.” She could only address Shauna. She could only look at her, and her alone.

Shauna, the one always by her side.

Shauna, the one holding her hand in any moment of uncertainty in her life.

Shauna, who could make her smile so effortlessly.

Shauna, her best friend.

Shauna…

Jeff tried to impose himself between the two girls. “Babe, I know what it looks like but-”

“Don't fucking try to bullshit me, Jeff!” She clutched her fits so hard that she could feel her nails burying into her palms. “Oh, Jackie! I tripped nakedly on Shauna! No big deal!” She's not one to usually make fun of people and imitate their voices, but the situation was getting to her in the worst way possible.

It doesn't help that Jeff is dumb. “I mean now that you mention it…”

“Get the fuck out, Jeff!” Two voices shout out as one.

The girls were so irritated by the baseball player. He was just making the situation escalate further. He didn't matter to them, not right now.

Understanding that he had no place in the argument anymore, Jeff left the room, leaving the two best friends together once the door closed.

Jackie clenched her jaw and crossed her arms over her chest. “I'm listening, Shauna. What is the pathetic excuse your poor brain cells managed to fabricate in those last minutes?”

“There's none.” Said Shauna through her gritted teeth.

“Oh? Well, at least you own it to the end. Tell me, Shauna. When did you start to fuck him? Is it truly for love or is it because deep down you wanted to hurt me?” Because it had to be the ulterior motive, right? Somehow, Shauna started to hate her and decided to literally screw with her life.

Shauna took a step forward. Their faces were now a few inches from each other. “Don't talk like you know everything, Jackie. Because, trust me, you fucking don't!”

“What I know is that I just saw you all over my boyfriend, Shauna! You, my best friend!”

“Yeah, because suddenly you remember that Jeff is your boyfriend or that I'm your best friend.”

She didn't like at all what Shauna was trying to imply. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that we both felt completely invisible by your side. It's like we're not allowed to truly exist next to you.”

“That's so unfair to say. Don't try to pin your insecurities on my back for your mistakes!”

Shauna laughed at her face. “Insecurities? You want to talk about it? Because you're not fooling everyone with your act of the perfect little princess. I know that deep down, you're just afraid that people will see you as you truly are. Selfish, insecure, and boring.” Shauna gulped, her eyes shining with tears. “I feel like you never saw me like my own person. Just an accessory to make your life better. Have you ever wished for my happiness? Did you even try to ask me what I really want to do with my life?”

It felt like a slap in the face. No actually, Jackie was sure that a slap to the face would have hurt less than to hear Shauna say those words. “I never tried to control your life, Shauna.” She denied.

"You had no problem trying to set me up with Randy."

"Yes, it's Randy, Shauna. He's dumb and a moron. I knew you wouldn't want him."

They both fell into silence, taking in what she exactly said. A truth bomb. That even Jackie had a hard time to accept. Something she tried to hide for so long and very deep into her heart.

She never wanted for Shauna to find someone, because letting Shauna go meant giving up on her. It meant giving up on the last strings of hope she had for them. Did that really make her a bad person? It sure did come out as something wrong.

"Do you even realize how disgusting you're being?"

Disgusting? Perhaps Shauna was letting her anger speak because to Jackie this is nothing more than selfishness.

Isn't she allowed to be selfish for once?

But perhaps that's where the problem lies. Shauna thinks that she's a selfish person at heart, that for her whole life she only tried to get what she wanted. It may be true on some things. But can it be really true, when she never tried to claim the only thing she ever wanted?

Her greed was consuming, she felt the constant need to reach out to what she really wants, to finally let go of the person everyone wants her to be.

The person she wants to be… She knows exactly what people would think of it. Shauna is right, she's disgusting, full of insecurities.

She took a shaky breath. "You're right." She couldn't even find something to attack Shauna with. It's Shauna. Her Shauna. Apart from her betrayal tonight, Shauna never did anything wrong. Compared to her, Shauna might truly be perfect.

Shauna didn't know what to say, unprepared by the lack of response from her best friend. “So that's it? You're not even going to deny? Come on Jackie. Be real for once in your goddamn life and tell me what you think!”

There is nothing rational about her next move. It's just a complete impulse. It's years of repression, years of denying what her heart really craved for. She seals her fate the moment her lips crash on Shauna's.

Shauna's lips are soft against hers. She tastes nothing like Jeff, she tastes like home. Jackie regretted denying herself this guilty pleasure for so long for a moment, until reality catches up and Shauna stepped back.

She didn't stay long for Jackie to voice anything, to try to excuse herself, to beg for Shauna to forget it, because her best friend already left the room with a disturbed expression on her face. 

It takes everything in Jackie to not fall to her knees, realizing that in one night she lost the most important person in her life.

Angry with herself, angry with Jeff, with Shauna, she decided to pull herself together and do the last thing she ever wanted tonight, get wasted.

She didn't utter a word to Laura Lee when she tried to make her understand that she found a clean shirt, she didn't give in to Mari’s supplications to dance with her. She just wanted to forget everything. She just wanted to get the fuck out of this hellish party or find a distraction.

She found a distraction as soon as she stepped foot outside.

Before anyone could understand how and why, Jackie and Natalie were fighting in the dirt.

Jackie braces herself for any comment from her teammate. She never told anyone before about her being… that.

“That's tough, Jackie.”

That's certainly not something that she expected after her full explanation. She waits for a moment, thinking that Natalie was going to say more, or hug her, do anything to comfort her. Shit, she also would take her frustration over the silence.

However, Natalie doesn't say anything else and just clears her throat awkwardly, leaving Jackie with wide eyes at the exchange.

“You suck at comforting.”

“I'm trying at least!”

“Try harder! I just told you that I kissed my best friend and that's why I tried to take my frustration out on you last night. You should, I don't know, be angry at me!”

“Well, I'm not, and I don't want to be.”

“Why? You should be!”

“It would be so stupid for me to be angry at you after you obviously experienced the worst night of your life. I'm not an asshole, Jackie. I can understand when someone reached their point.”

“Yeah, but…” It made her uncomfortable. She expected a different reaction from Natalie. But hearing that she understands her and doesn't seem to judge her? Not the scenario she played in her head.

“Look. I'm sorry, you had to go through all of this in a single night. Was it shitty and childish to attack me yesterday? Yes. But it's just teenage girls being teens, Jackie. I can't blame you for expressing yourself after years of repression.”

“It wasn't years.” Denial? Kinda.

“I saw the pictures on your walls. It's like a memory trip of your friendship. Perhaps you can fool your parents but not me.”

Just the mention of her parents is enough to make her skin crawl. What would they think of her? She knows that her being different from their expectations won't please them, but still, she hopes that they can find enough strength in their hearts to love her and accept her, despite her flaws. After all, she really tried to be what they wanted, she fought so hard for it. It only took one night and enough weakness to slip through for everything to crumble.

She doesn't want to be left alone…

Looking at her teammate right beside her warms her heart.

“It doesn't bother you? That I'm…”

“Do I look like I'm in any position to judge you?”

She looks at Lottie, still lying on Natalie. 

Fair.

“My brain might take a moment to adjust to you two.”

“I mean, mine is still adjusting, so…”

They share a quick smile, just appreciating the moment. It wasn't so bad to actually talk with each other. Jackie usually does this kind of thing with Shauna, but it feels good to have the opportunity to open up to somebody else. Somebody like Natalie who tries her best to listen without judging Jackie too much, but also doesn't baby her.

She tries to push away the remorseful feeling inside of her. It is unfortunate how they are able to communicate just now that misfortune bound them together.

Lottie stirs in her girlfriend's lap. “Open the door, Nat.”

“No one knocked, Lot.” Natalie looks at Jackie for confirmation to which she simply nods.

They both jump, startled as they're interrupted by someone knocking four times on the door.

Lottie sighs. “I told you so.” She says before getting up to open the door.

The look they exchange while staring at Lottie is loud enough to share their thoughts.

Spooky.

“Hello, bitches!” Screams enthusiastically Van to them with a pack of beer lifted up.

Now… That wasn't planned, was it?

Jackie hears Natalie groan under her breath.

Definitely not planned.

Lottie doesn't seem fazed by the sudden presence of their teammate as she greets her with a bright smile. “I need to make more popcorn if you want to blend it with your beer.” 

“More?” The goalie looks at the screen already rolling their second movie. “You already started without me!? I thought you were doing a movie night. That's why I took weed!” She pulls out a small bag of weed that she throws at Jackie who barely catches it. Jackie ignores the snicker from Natalie.

“Sorry, we didn't think that you wanted to see them again.” Lottie says with a hint of sincerity, despite the fact that they never once thought of inviting Van considering the situation.

“No biggie. I'll just take this as an opportunity to hang out with you guys!”

No use fighting over it and it's not like they were truly getting any real ideas that could help them solve their problem.

Jackie just accepted things as they were for now. Sharing a blanket with her friends, drinking a disgusting beer and even taking a few hits on the joint passing around. She didn't even try to reprimand Natalie for smoking, it was the least of her concern, really.

This moment between the four of them was so enjoyable. Lottie asking dumb questions related to the plot just to bother Van who tried to explain everything from the director's perspective. Natalie and Jackie just cackling far too gone to say anything.

“I just don't understand why he would do that.”

“Lottie… Please go take a breath of fresh air outside for the sake of my sanity.” Van gestures to Natalie. “And take Jackie with you because we all know the weed might be a bit too strong for her to handle.”

Jackie looks at Natalie who hardly could walk without fumbling. Yeah, it's still her body after all…

Lottie takes Natalie by the hand to head outside. “You two better behave.” She doesn't let them say anything and close the door behind her just as Natalie was complaining about the cold weather.

With her mind a little more clear, Jackie begins to feel a bit nervous to be alone with Van. She doesn't know how to initiate a conversation with her… Especially as Natalie.

And with the way Van looks at her intensely, she just feels the need to say something or simply run away.

But running away doesn't seem like an option as Van decided to speak up.

“Maybe I'll sound crazy but… Are you Jackie?” The silence and complete terror written all over her face is enough to confirm any doubt the goalie had. “Well, fuck me. How?”

“We don't know, that's why we thought that maybe some of your movies could help us.”

“That's fiction, Jackie. I know you three aren't the brightest but…”

“Hey!”

Van raises her hands in defense. “I'm just saying, unless you're stuck in a movie or some kind of shitty novel, that crap doesn't exist.”

“Trust me, I wish that it was just a movie.” She looks briefly at the window to see Lottie and Natalie still speaking. “How did you figure it out?”

Van chuckles. “How could I not? No offense, but you three don't usually hang out and then you want to watch movies together? Then, I see you playing nervously with your rings, which is super unusual for Nat. She's not the type of person to let nervousness take over her. She's more the angry type. And, oh! Very weird, Jackie Taylor, usually a pacifist, suddenly drags her teammate forcefully? It sounded like a bad joke when I heard it. Especially because after last night, I thought it was clear everything was over.” She never took Van to be such an observing person… But observation is a big part of the goalie duties so it wouldn't make her a very good one to not study people.

“Do you think anyone else noticed?”

“Taissa is still a little suspicious and confused about your outburst, but everyone is just assuming that your breakup with Jeff is the reason for your reactions.”

Her eyes almost got out of her pocket when hearing this information. “How do they know about it?”

Van rolls her eyes. “You know how Jeff can be. He's already trying to victimize himself by saying you're overreacting.”

She can't believe the nerve of that piece of shit.

He's the one cheating on her, but she is the one being dramatic!?

She'll make sure to unleash hell on him for putting his dirty hands on Shauna.

“Asshole. I'm sure people are going to be so happy to turn their back on me.”

“What do you mean?”

She lets out a pathetic laugh. “I'm not dumb. I know that these people don't love me. They don't even like me. They just like the idea of the person I try so hard to maintain. Jackie, with good grades, perfect parents and a handsome boyfriend.”

“Is that really a bad thing? Those people not staying by your side?”

Just thinking about it makes her skin crawl. “Of course it is. I don't want to be alone.”

“You won't be alone.” Van holds her hand in hers. “We love you as you are. You're not just a team captain to us. You're our friend.” She really needed to hear this after everything… She can feel her throat tightening up at the mention of being loved. “The things you mentioned? We don't give a shit about it. We're not friends with you for these dumb reasons. You're worth much more.”

“Thank you, Van.”

Van lets go of her hand. “Don't sweat it. You're like our golden star.”

She swipes a tear under her eye and cracks a smile, not believing her friend for a second. “Yeah, sure.”

“Are you blind? I'm like ninety-nine percent sure that half of the team was once in love with you.” Jackie shrugs, making Van roll her eyes, and put her beer on the table to be able to count on her fingers. “Embarrassing to say, but first, me. It wasn't very long because I just couldn't take my eyes off Taissa once she spoke to me for more than five minutes, but it is part of my lesbian story and I won't deny it.” 

Her brain is so fried that she doesn't have the energy to react to all the information given to her. Taissa and Van are a couple? Honestly good for them. All the stolen glances and incoherent talk between them finally makes more sense now.

A girl soccer team with lesbians? More than likely apparently.

But that's what is interesting to hear. Jackie knows that she is popular among the boys, that's why it was so easy to find a Jeff. However, the girls… that's a whole new world to her.

“Go on.”

“Taissa. At first she didn't want to admit to me, but she eventually gave in when I also told her about my crush on you.”

“And you guys didn't have any issues with it?”

“Not really. Maybe Taissa tried to hate you a little at first to show her jealous side, but it never worked. You're just too damn nice, Jackie.” Yeah, nice…

“What about Lottie?”

“Oh, no. Lottie had a crush on Laura Lee, but then something happened with Nat and well… you know.”

“I mean, considering Nat's bleached hair and Laura Lee being blond… I thought I had found a pattern.”

Van briefly makes a face and takes a peek at her hair just to be sure as Natalie just nods at whatever her girlfriend is saying. “You're not blond.”

She replies, eyes also on her hair. “I'm dirty blond.”

“No you're not.”

Maybe Van was color blind or something… “Anyway. Back to our topic, please.”

Van raises her eyebrows playfully. “Eager to hear about how popular you are?”

“Shut up.” She gave a shove to her friend.

“Mari, obviously. I think she's not even over you. If she could bow down to you every time you score a goal, she would totally do it.” A disturbing memory flashed through her mind. Maybe she already did… “Then, there was Misty. She just kept telling us about the card you gave her for Valentine's Day.”

Her face turns into a frown at the information. “I gave one to everyone.”

“Apparently the bar is low for Misty. I don't know what to tell you.” Van crashes the rest of her joint. “I think I told you about everyone.” She says while avoiding Jackie's gaze and scratching her neck.

“You're hiding someone from me.” With a grin, she puts her lips as a pout. “You can tell me, Van. I promise to not tell anyone about it.”

“You better hold to your statement.” Van takes a look at the window. “Nat.”

She can't help but to shriek. “You're kidding. I don't fucking believe you.”

“Low down your voice.” Laughs Van. “I swear on my life. She never told me more about it, but I know it's true.”

Saying that she is floored by this piece of information in an understatement. “Wow.” She lets out dumbly.

“I just broke a brother code between us, so please, keep this secret to your grave.”

“To the grave.” She repeats just before Lottie opens the door with Natalie just behind her.

It only takes a few seconds for Natalie to look at them with a suspicious look. “What?”

Fuck it, let her have this.

“I can't believe you had a crush on me.”

“Ohhh juicy.” Laughs Lottie sitting back on the couch with a pack of cereal in her hands. Either Lottie already knew about it, or this girl just does not give a shit about anything. Sensing that Van and Jackie were looking at her, she just gulps her cereal before addressing the situation. “Nat told me about it after I drunkenly admitted my crush on our Literature teacher.”

"Lottie… I'm saying this the nicest way I can. You're kinda weird." Jackie truly doesn't know how to deal with her anymore. Just a messy girl.

"But also rich, so it makes me hotter." Can't argue with that…

Van lets out a sigh of relief. “Glad it wasn't a secret anymore.”

Natalie smacks the back of Van's head with her hand. “Asshole.” without hesitation she sits beside Lottie who immediately offers her a bunch of cereal. “What were you talking about anyway? I knew you would be the first to find out about us.”

Maybe that's why Natalie tried so hard to avoid Van. The people closest to you are more likely to find anything out of character for you.

“I was explaining to Jackie how our team is just a big bunch of supporters of hers.”

“Is?” Wasn't the list outdated?

“Duh, if you ask us to ride or die, we will comply. You don't realize how much we love you, Jackie.” The comment may be simple and maybe Van is completely wasted at this point, but it doesn't miss to warm Jackie's heart. It feels good to be truly appreciated. “Obviously, we can't compare to Shauna, but we try.”

That comment completely froze her brain.

“Shauna doesn't love me like that.” She's not even sure that Shauna likes her at all, period. That look after she kissed her… It still left her with a gaping hole in her heart.

However, Van rolls her eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

“Trust me, I know.” She hopes the hurt in her voice isn't perceived.

Natalie, aware of what happened last night, tries to quickly find another subject, but then she gets up as if she'd been stung.

“Well, shit. It kinda slipped my mind, but weren't we supposed to give an answer to Shauna?”

Shit, indeed. She knows Shauna must be pretty pissed right now, considering it's almost her time for her to watch a movie with her mother. She usually doesn't forget to call before Shauna spends time with her mom, since Deb is a very busy woman.

“About what?” Van eyes them suspiciously.

“Jackie was supposed to stay with Shauna tonight.” Says casually Lottie, once again saving her ass.

“Yeah, I'm just going to apologize to her.”

“I don't think she's going to be pissed off more than you think.” Van grins. “She must be pretty delighted with your breakup. You know since she can score.”

Not one of them even smiles at the joke.

“That was fucking terrible, dude.” Natalie doesn't wait for Van to reply and just follows Jackie upstairs to call, away from prying ears.

The two girls just stand there a moment, wondering how they're going to handle the call and most of all, what to say to Shauna.

For Natalie, she's just a little anxious to fuck up so badly at being Jackie that it might get things worse between her teammates. Meanwhile, Jackie is battling what to do. She doesn't want her friendship with Shauna to end, and it seems like Shauna also doesn't wish for it to end. Perhaps, she could still apologize for what she did, and things would be like before… or not. Kissing your best friend after you found her cheating with your boyfriend isn't something they can forget, is it?

“I don't think that I'm ready to talk with her about what happened, so let's just try to delay everything.”

“No problem, but how? Shauna is stupidly stubborn.” It's hard to not smile at that. Shauna is really stubborn. Unless you're Jackie Taylor.

“Don't worry, we can try to find something. Our goal is to gain a maximum of days that we're going to use to find a way to solve our main problem.”

Natalie just nods and waits for Jackie to compose the number of the Shipman's phone house. It only takes a few rings before a voice can be heard.

“Hello, this is Deb Shipman.” 

“Hi, M-” Jackie shakes her head, mouthing the name of the woman. “Deb… This is Jackie.”

“Good to hear you, Jackie! How are you, darling? I was about to start a movie with Shauna. Do you wish to speak to her?”

This woman seems so nice it was almost underwhelming for Natalie. “I'm fine, thank you. If that's not too much to ask, yes I would like to speak to her.”

“She's already waiting for it, don't worry. Have a good night, sweetheart. ” There's a few whispers between the daughter and mother before Shauna finally decides to speak up.

“Almost thought you already forgot about me with how fun your night at Lottie's must be.” Great, Shauna is bitter. This phone call can't be any worse.

“I'm sorry.”

Shauna huff. “I hope you didn't call me just to say that. So?”

“I think that I need more time to think about everything that happened.”

They both glance worriedly at the silence that follows. “You're not just saying that to gradually ignore me?” Jackie looks a bit offended that Shauna would think she could do something like that.

“I would never!”

Shauna hums. “How about two days?”

Two days!? Jackie shook her head. No way they can figure everything out in two days.

“I was hoping for at least 2 weeks…?”

“Two weeks!?” Shauna mumbles something they can't understand. “You have five days.”

She's so frustrating. “That's not even half of what I initially wanted.”

“Well… We never actually spent more than two days without speaking or seeing each other, so take it or leave it.”

Natalie can see from the corner of her eyes, Jackie almost melting at Shauna's attitude. Crazy relationship.

“Fine. Five days.”

“See you in five days, then.” A pause. “Goodnight, Jackie.”

She doesn't say anything and just hangs up in front of Jackie's mortified face.

“What the fuck, Nat!? You could at least wish her goodnight as well!”

“Aren't we supposed to be mad at her?”

“No! Well, yes technically, but…”

Whatever, it's been an exhausting day, she will deal with Jackie and her weird relationship tomorrow.

“Let's just go talk to Van and Lottie.”

It would have been nice to wake up and have everything fixed. Her relationship with her parents? Perfect. Shauna being mad at her? Over. People thinking of her as a perfect human being? Never heard of. But fate already had its plans as Jackie woke up to something tickling her face.

It doesn't take her long to open her eyes to be face to face with Lottie, looking expectantly at her.

She jumps back, colliding to the wall close to the bed letting out a yelp of surprise. “What the fuck, Lottie!?”

Lottie slowly gets up, frowning in disappointment. “You’re Jackie.”

She was about to respond with something snarky until she remembered her current situation. She is in fact Jackie, but not in her own body…

“Please be a nightmare.” She grumbles into her hands, not ready to face another weird day.

Lottie hands her a glass of orange juice before sitting down next to her. “The good news is that you won't have to worry about my parents barging.”

“And the bad news…?”

“There is no bad news.” She grabs the remote to light up her television. “For now.”

What the hell is that supposed to mean…?

You know what? Better to stay ignorant.

“Any chance for me to shower?”

Lottie glances her way briefly. “Totally. The girls are at Nat's.”

“What?”

“Nat wanted to grab a few things for you, well, her. She said that it would be too troublesome if you went.”

“But, I'm Nat.”

Lottie sighs. “Still, it's better for her to handle her mom on her own.”

Jackie can't come up with anything to say back. It's true, she doesn't know how to deal with Natalie's mother. And knowing her teammate, she would rather die than accept any help to deal with her own problems, or at least from an outsider like Jackie.

“Is her mom going to allow me inside? She never saw me.”

Lottie didn't manage to hold back her sneer “She doesn't care. That woman can barely make a difference between reality and television. Nat is too kind to still take care of her after everything.”

It comes automatically for her to defend a woman she barely knows. “It's her mom, Lottie.”

“And? It doesn't mean anything when you're a shitty person.”

“Aren't you a bit harsh?” Lottie finally decides to mute the volume. “I agree that she seems to be far from perfect, but…”

“What do you know exactly about Nat's family?”

Jackie ponders for a moment. To be honest, she can't really recall a lot of things about Natalie's family. Especially because Natalie never speaks about it. She only heard whispers…

“As much as everyone.”

Lottie chuckles. “Nothing, then.” No point in arguing against the truth. “I won't say anything too personal, because even though I know she likes to pretend it doesn't affect her, family is a bit touchy for her.” She plays nervously with the remote in her hands. “Trust me when I say that I would've pulled the trigger myself if that man was still breathing.”

Her jaw drops. “That's so insensitive to say, Lottie!”

“What she can't hear won't hurt. As for her mother… It would be just better for Nat to leave her and stay permanently with me. After all, she's already always there when my parents are absent, which is like always.”

“Why does she stay if things are bad?”

A sad smile curves into Lottie's lips. “Because she has a good heart. She wants to take care of her mother because she thinks she owes her after what happened with him .”

It does make sense. Some people say that a kicked dog would always come back to his owners if they showed him just an ounce of love. Maybe Natalie was still stuck in the past, trying to hold to the better version of her mother before everything went to shit.

But it's still speculation on her part.

She wished she had the chance to speak more to Natalie.

It's a bit fucked up that it took her to be in this situation to actually take a real look at her teammate. Nevertheless, she thinks she's starting to understand Natalie a bit more than before.

She wonders if Nat also shared the same sentiment as her.

“We get my stuff, and we bolt the fuck out of there, okay?”

“No need to tell me twice.”

They knock simultaneously at the door to hear someone swear and drag their feet. It's a miracle that her mother was able to rise from her seat, sometimes she had the impression it had merged with her.

Her mother, barely standing on her legs, looks down on them with a scowl. “Vanessa.” Van cringes at her full name. “Want to see Natalie? She must be in her room. Brat wasn't even capable of buying me what I wanted.”

“Nat is not home.” The words are out before she can proceed anything. Her mom is so wasted, she didn't even realize her daughter didn't come back last night. It hurt, realizing that her mother wasn't paying attention to her. She knows she should be used to the feeling, but she can't help it. A part of her still wants the woman who gave birth to her to acknowledge her existence.

“Are you there to waste my time, then?”

She doesn't even ask who is the person with Van…

It takes a lot from Nat to not drop the perfect smile she had plastered on her face. She truly doesn't give a fuck about her.

Van, there to save the day, lifts a bag of groceries to give it to the older woman. “Nat told us to drop this while we grab some of her stuff.”

Vera grabs the bag without any second thought, already going back to her place in front of the TV. “Don't forget to close the door behind you when you leave.”

The rancid smell of alcohol and cigarettes hit her senses when she steps into the trailer. As always, the shutters were closed, letting little light into the rooms. She's grateful to Van for never saying anything. She's aware Van is no stranger to a mother drinking senseless, but it's so much easier to judge, but that's not the type of person she is.

It's crazy how much she feels out of place. Spending so much time with Lottie gave her plenty of warmth and it did help to push back the bad memories. Her home didn't feel like home anymore. It's probably a good thing… even if it scares her.

On her way to her bedroom, she quickly grabs a few dirty things to put them in the trash. Her face feels hot when she remembers Jackie probably saw everything. The last thing she needs is her teammate to look at her with pity. 

Poor Natalie, living in a trashy trailer with a shitty mother.

But Jackie didn't say anything and didn't look at her any differently than before. Well… it would be hard for her to judge if her look is any different considering it's her look, but she hopes she's not wrong and that Jackie won't look down on her because of what she saw.

Maybe they need to talk eventually. She's sure Jackie also feels a bit uncomfortable that she met her parents.

“Do you need anything else besides clothes and your sports equipment?”

“Just a few assignments and we're good.”

It doesn't take them long to pack a bag, it's like muscle memory at this point. With how little time she comes back, it's a wonder her mother never yelled at how she no longer belongs here. This kind of a scenario would make things easier for her. She could walk away without ever looking back and be free from this weight on her shoulders.

“Ready to go?”

Wordlessly, she nods, picking up the bag on her shoulder. She makes sure to close the door to her bedroom to keep the light out of her mother's way.

Van is already at the door when Nat decides to try something. Maybe if it comes from another person, then…

“Do you want us to pass a message to Natalie?”

Her eyes staying on the television, her mother doesn't even spare them a single look. “I'm almost out of cigarettes.”

Right…

No sign of caring… maybe she's just a fool for still expecting something.

She feels a hand on her shoulder, making her flinch for a moment before giving a small smile in return to her friend.

“Let's go home.” Says Van.

“Let's go home.” She repeats back.

“I don't think it's possible.”

“You don't think it's possible to be friends with a dinosaur?”

“Well of course not, Lottie, they don't exist anymore.”

“Do you have proof?”

Jackie can't believe they're having this discussion. Damn you Jurassic Park. “Do you have proof they still exist?”

She doesn't know what is more ridiculous, the fact that Lottie is really thinking about it or her answer. “I could finally put my parents' money to good use and tell you in a few years.”

“Or you could go to therapy.”

 She meant it as a joke, but Lottie's straight answer takes her back. “I'm already going.”

“I'm sorry, I didn't kn-”

“It's fine.” Lottie brushes it off like it's old history. Jackie knows when to not push things. If Lottie wanted to open up to her, she would've.

“Do you think I could be a Tyrannosaurus or Triceratops?”

Lottie smiles, amused by the sudden question. “You're more of a Leaellynasaura.”

“A what?”

Lottie doesn't have the chance to answer as Natalie opens the door and drops the bag on the floor. She chuckles at the sight of the movie playing. “Apparently, I'm a Raptor and she's a Brachiosaurus. Do not ask her to give you the full list of the team because she will.”

“Duly noted.” Speaking of the team… “Where is Van?”

“She had a thing with Taissa and Laura Lee.”

Lottie pats the empty space beside her, careful to not ruin her nails. “Want to join us?”

Natalie shakes her head. “I was thinking of going to your place.” She says to Jackie.

Her mouth goes immediately dry at the mention of her home. “For what?”

Natalie huffs like it's obvious. “We have to grab stuff from your house too.”

The colors drained from her face. “We can't.” 

“We must. We have school. We can't just borrow things from Lottie. People are going to notice, and we have to tell your parents that you're staying with her.”

“I mean… Do we?”

“What's up with you?”

No backing off now…

“I'm afraid of how they're going to react, and it doesn't help that I can't control my actual body.”

“I've dealt with them for a morning. We can manage a couple of minutes more.”

“You don't understand they're going to be disappointed in me.” It's very hard to put everything into words. All her fears are coming back.

“I know what it's like to disappoint people.” Bites back Natalie, annoyed.

“But not me!” She yells. “Not me.” She repeats more quietly hoping Natalie wouldn't take it personally. “They expect so much of me, I don't want to ruin everything.”

“What an irony.” Lottie chuckles sadly. “Mine don't expect much except for me to shut the fuck up. They don't care about what I'm doing as long as it doesn't stain their political career.”

“You're more identical than you think in my opinion.” Adds Natalie. “Jackie's parents are controlling her life because they're afraid of what Jackie actually living her life as herself could do to the perfect image they created of the family. They just don't realize how already fucked up their family is. Same as yours, in a way.”

“Wow, okay. I see you tried to psychoanalyze my family.” She felt like someone just punched her in the guts.

“No offense. It's not your fault. They're just always undermining your feelings and your wishes. And don't let me get started on how they control what you wear.”

Jackie can't help but to feel a little protective. It's still her family, after all. “And you know that after spending one morning with them.”

“I know a thing or two about shitty parents.”

Certainly can't fight her back on that.

“Fine, but how do we do this? A wide-awake family is much more perceptive.”

“Don't worry we'll find something.”

“We should go with her.” Suddenly says Lottie, still applying nail polish.

Her answer is fast, but she can already see the face of her parents if she shows up with Natalie after disappearing for a night. “We can't.”

“Why?” Natalie was starting to get annoyed with all those refusals.

“My parents don't approve of you.” Reminds her Jackie.

“Just our luck.” Says Natalie in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

“What if I'm the one who needs Nat for myself?” Softly proposes Lottie.

“Not the time, Lottie.” Try to dismiss Jackie, still thinking about a plan.

“I'm serious.” Her teammate grins, her pointy teeth showing, and Jackie already knows it's going to be a terrible plan.

She wished Shauna could hold her hand and take her away from these two.

Her parents were obviously upset when their daughter only came back home after hours of silence. They were even more furious, though they tried to hide it, when she came back with Natalie Scatorccio. The sight of Lottie Matthews, however, changed everything. Her mother always had encouraged Jackie to hang out more with her. She was very interested in the potential connections they could make if they were to meet her parents. Thankfully, Lottie's parents come and go, her parents would never get what they wanted.

What her parents probably didn't expect was to console a grieving Lottie when they tried to understand where Jackie spent her night.

Lottie is slouching on the table, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably. Well… only from an outsider perspective. While Jackie is impressed by the level of acting her friend can pull off, Natalie just tries to hide her laugh by biting in her cheeks.

Another sob filled the room. “I'm sorry, Jackie is such a good friend, I just need someone to rely on for a few days.”

Mrs. Taylor pushes tissues in her way, disturbed by the snoot coming out her nose. “We understand, it must be hard to lose your grandmother, sweetie.”

Lottie wails harder. “She used to call me sweetie…”

They know and saw firsthand how Lottie could fake on their game when being fouled, but this, is a whole different level…

Her mother pats the back of Lottie and instructs her to take a deep breath. It gives her father the opportunity to talk with his daughter.

“We learned for Jeff. What happened? He's so broken by your breakup. You should try to speak with him, Jacqueline.”

Of course, they would take his side without knowing the full story. Somehow, she doubts Jeff is hurt by the event of that night. He's just probably scared she's going to repeat to the whole world what a shitty boyfriend he is because she caught him with her best friend.

“We’re done. He…” She knows Natalie's brain is running like crazy to find a suitable excuse. “We spent less time together as before, and we came to the conclusion that we needed to end our relationship for both of our sake. He wants to concentrate on his big baseball career.”

Jackie has to admit, she's surprised by how this version can be believable. She doubts her parents sensed the irony in Nat's tone, which is a relief.

“Very mature of you. Maybe you two we'll find your way back to each other in a few years.” Says her mother.

“It's better to leave it in the past.”

“Don't say that, you never know what tomorrow is made of.”

“No, but I know what I want and Jeff is not included in my plans.”

Jackie nudges Nat to calm her down, she knows better than anyone how her parents can get under your skin, but the last thing they need right now is a confrontation.

Maybe it wasn't the best idea as her father catches the closeness between the two of them. “Finally decided to leave your punk friends or are you there to convert Jackie to your misconduct, Natalie?”

Jackie's mouth drops, offended at his disdainful attitude. “Excuse me?”

“I'm simply asking i-”

Lottie starts to cry loudly once more, putting her face in her hands dramatically. Trying to get the attention on her again, feeling the situation getting out of hand. “I miss her so much…”

“I'll make you a cup of tea, Charlotte.” Her father reluctantly gets up and drops his target.

Another sob. “Lord, take me in her place…”

Her father sends her a pleading look towards Nat, screaming please take her away . Jackie, accustomed to her father's gestures, grabs Nat by the sleeve. “Let's go pack your bags, Jackie.”

It feels a bit weird to be in her bedroom. She can't even glance at the pictures on her walls without feeling her throat clutching.

Feeling the air a bit tense, Nat decides to break the ice. “Her grandmother already died five times this year.”

“Somehow, it doesn't surprise me.” 

Nat snorts. “She died a first time when she wanted to skip class, then she died a second time when Randy wanted to invite her to his party, the rest is a bit blurry. I started to stop remembering, but this one will stick.”

Jackie begins to pack a few clothes in her suitcase. She doesn't bother folding everything perfectly, knowing Nat she's just going to mess it up anyway.

From the corner of her eyes, she can see Nat looking at the pictures on her wall. “Not your style?”

“I think it's pretty cool.”

She doesn't perceive any mockery in Nat's tone, but she asks anyway. “Really?”

“Yeah, it's like a memory trip. Besides, I think it suits you.”

“Suits me?” She had stopped packing, fully invested into hearing the thoughts of Natalie.

“It represents you well. You only put the things that are important to you. I don't know how to explain this better.” She chuckles and points at the pictures. “Soccer, the team, your parents and mostly Shauna.”

“Shauna is a big part of my life. My best friend.”

Natalie grins amused. “I don't see Jeff anywhere.”

Touché…

Another proof of her lack of interest for him. Maybe Shauna was right, and she's just a terrible self-centered person. She used Jeff never taking into account what he might want.

But that's not just it, right?

She also refused to recognize what she really wanted. But it's all on this wall, every single part of the life that she loves and craves for herself.

“I don't think I loved him.”

“Make sense.”

“I don't even like men.”

“Good for you.”

She takes a shaky breath in, coming to terms with things she tried to push away for too long. Her eyes are fixated on a picture of Shauna laughing at the camera. “I'm in love with Shauna.”

“Yeah, you are.” Jackie can feel Nat squeezing her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. “It just feels a little weird hearing my voice say it.”

They both cackle at the surrealism of all. Jackie Taylor and Natalie Scatorccio holding hands, sharing laughter with each other like they didn't fight in the dirt a few days before.

Jackie wipes the tears from her face. “What a big disappointment I'm turning out to be, huh?”

“I don't think you are.”

“Sure. It's not like you and the rest of the people in my life are always waiting for me to be the greatest.” She mimics their coach. “You have to lead them, Jackie.” She huffs at that memory. “I can't even lead my own path, and I'm supposed to help people? It doesn't make any sense.”

“Then don't. Don't shoulder everything by yourself. You're free to tell people to fuck off.” Typical Natalie, she thinks they're all brave like her.

“I'm not you, Nat. I don't have the guts.”

“Then stick with me. You can learn a thing or two.”

Seeing Natalie caring for her so truthfully warms her heart and she realizes how much she really needed to hear someone say this to her. Not specifically those words, but just showing genuine care would have been enough to feel a little better.

This body switch situation is probably the best and worst thing that happened to her recently.

“Are you proposing to be my friend, Scatorccio?” She can't help but to tease. It's not every day, Nat would go soft on you.

“Okay, you know what? Fuck you.” She doesn't mean it. They both know it.

“You can't take these words back. Too late, you're stuck with me.”

“They're not my words. It's not my voice.”

Their moment is interrupted by Lottie coming in without knocking. She looks exhausted and Jackie can't tell if it's from crying too much or for spending too much time with her parents.

“Glad you two are having fun, but we have to hurry up, or I swear…” She doesn't even finish her sentence but doesn't need to, they perfectly understand the message and go back to packing. “You two owe me.”

“I will make it up to you.” Promises Nat.

“I'm counting on it.” Says Lottie in a suggestive tone that Jackie wishes she never heard.

Choosing to ignore more of their attempts to flirt, Jackie takes her suitcase and heads down. She almost forgets she's no longer in her own body when her mother talks to her.

“Kind of you to carry everything for Jackie, Natalie.” She knows her mother is trying to make an effort and be more civil than her father earlier. “Please, take care of my daughter in the meantime.”

“Don't worry about it, Mrs Taylor.”

Her mother simply smiles back.

“I'm sorry about my husband. He just wants what's best for her.”

Jackie badly wants to hold onto those words and trust them, but she has been living with them for her entire life, and she knows deep down in her heart that it's not entirely true. If he truly wanted what's best for her, he would've asked what his daughter simply wants.

However, she can't fight back those words right now, so Jackie does as she always did best, she smiled, faking her emotions.

“I understand.”

Right after, Lottie comes down with Nat behind her, the taller girl already sniffing and whipping fake tears with her tissue.

“I'll be back when Lottie is feeling better.”

“Don't forget to do your homework and please, don't eat junk food everyday.” Jackie sees how tense Nat is when her mother pulls her into a hug and wonders for a moment when was the last time her friend ever received affection from her own mother. But it would be insensitive to ask, so she puts the thought into the back of her mind forever. “I love you.”

Nat struggles to say it back, the words stuck in her throat. Jackie's pleading eyes give her the kick she needed. “I love you too.”

They wait to be far from the Taylor's house to finally let out a sigh of relief in union. They did better than expected.

“Thank you.” Simple words, but Jackie means every bit of it. What she said and realized today… She probably wouldn't have done it without them.

Feeling her gratitude, her teammates just both walk beside her in silence and that's enough for Jackie.

She can't wait to get back her body and fix her life.

Playing soccer is both a pleasure and a pain. A pleasure because Nat loves the thrill of kicking a ball, frustrating other players and winning with her team. A pain because it often leads to tension, especially with a team so competitive such as them, but also because people can have too many expectations for you, and you don't want to let them down.

They all agreed to one thing: if they weren't going to get their bodies back very soon, they at least needed to be more familiar with how different their bodies are.

The last thing they need, is for Taissa to murder one of them if they slack in practice. 

So, for the rest of their weekend, Jackie and Nat trained their ass off to save face.

Nat even rehearsals some of Jackie's pep talks, until it all feels more natural.

Nevertheless, they tried their best.

But it wasn't enough apparently.

“Can you stop falling on your ass today?! Assist me for once!” Shouts Taissa, irritated by Jackie's lack of professionalism.

Nat could only wince from her spot as Jackie struggled to get back on her feet, the fresh grass ruining her clothes. “Well maybe if Shauna stopped pushing me, I could!”

Shauna glares in response. “I'm just playing.”

They had three days left to talk to Shauna, but she clearly didn't take it well seeing Jackie, Lottie and Nat all coming from the same car this morning. Nat never thought she would one day get Shauna Shipman all riled up because she thinks she's stealing her best friend. She wanted to go to her, give her Jackie with a big smile and tell her she's all hers. It was unfortunately not going to happen since she's still Jackie and she must admit it's a bit funny to mess with her.

“Are you hurt?” Asks Nat as she offers her hand to Jackie.

Jackie takes it, glaring at Shauna. “Thanks.”

Coach Scott whistle interrupts whatever glaring competition these two had to her relief. Nat feels Lottie's eyes on her checking if everything is under control. She insisted on watching since she's prohibited from playing until her injury gets better. She knows the situation is amusing to her, but she also knows she's getting tired of it. A tired and annoyed Lottie can be a handful, Nat hopes they can get their bodies back before they have to deal with her.

“I know playing under the heat can be difficult, but some of you need to build more stamina.” His eyes lingered on Gen and Laura Lee. “With Lottie benched, we need to be more careful. Our defense is weaker, so I need you quick and steady on your feet.”

“Not really my fault...” Jackie mumbles and keeps her eyes on the ground. Nat scoffs, at least she was self-aware. She better practice harder or they're fucked.

Nat felt sick to her stomach thinking about the reason why they could lose their winning strike. She knows deep down it wouldn't really be her fault, but the team doesn't know that and neither do the coaches and public. She's already perceived as a burnout and slut. She doesn't need to be a loser either.

Coach Martinez picks his head from the window and points at Nat. “Taylor! Come into my office for a minute.”

Nat sends a wary look at Jackie. They knew it could happen, but they hoped it wouldn't.

Nat jogs to the office in a moment, not bothering to knock on the already open door.

“What can I do for you, Coach?” She keeps a bright smile on her face, hoping it can work on his sour mood.

“You were pretty out of it today.”

“Happens to the best of us sometimes, doesn't it?”

He scowls, maybe she should've kept her mouth shut. “Listen, Taylor. We both know you're not the best player on this team.” What an asshole… “But you're definitely good as a Captain. You know how to drive this team, and I need it to stay this way. They're counting on you. I'm counting on you.”

“Of course.” If she didn't feel the pressure before, now she's sweating more than under the burning sun.

“Then fix your team's synergy. We heard some things from Quigley about the latest party. A fight apparently.” What a snitch… But she knows Misty, their coaches probably made an offer to her. Nat couldn't blame her for seizing an opportunity. “I don't know what happened to this party and to be honest I don't really care. However, if your petty arguments are putting this team in harm's way…”

“It won't!” She's quick to deny. She knows it, but she has to be clear. The last thing she needs is to get benched or kicked out of the team. “It's already old history.”

“Are Shipman and Scatorccio aware? I know you noticed it, we can all sense it. These two are part of my best elements. I need them to be able to work together.”

She nods eagerly. “They will. I will make them cooperate.” Nat will kick them in the teeth if she has to.

“Good. You're free to leave.”

No need to tell her twice.

Lottie is waiting just outside the building for her. It brings an immediate smile to her face, and she can feel her body loosen up. She always feels at peace with her.

“What did he say?”

“He wants me to fix what the hell is going on between Shauna and Jackie. Well, Natalie.”

“Shit.”

Yeah…

“I need to talk to Jackie about it. We have to find a way of getting Shauna off my back. Do you know where she went?”

“Maybe with Coach Scott.”

“I just passed by, she's not here.”

Lottie shrugs. “I don't know then.”

Feeling a headache approaching, Nat sighs and drags Lottie with her. “Let's go find her.”

Jackie was simply minding her own business, trying to avoid Kevyn's persistent gaze by trying to study the latest map they gave them in History class today, when she felt a shiver down her spine alerting her of something unusual.

She slowly puts down her map to turn around and fall face to face with a grinning Misty.

The sight of the sudden face startles her, making her almost drop her paper on the ground. “Jesus fucking Chirst, Misty! Tap my shoulder next time!” She puts a hand on her chest and feels her heart pounding faster than it did in practice earlier.

Misty beams at her. "Hey Nat! Coach Scott said that you need to drop by his office." She weirdly winks at her. "I hope it's good news."

"You already know, don't you?"

"Not saying!" The girl left her alone in the hallway dumbfounded.

She doesn't think twice before walking towards the office. It must be important, she can't just bail on him, it could bring trouble to Nat.

Coach Scott is cleaning his desk with a groan, trying to get rid of the coffee he spilled on his papers. She hopes it won't affect his mood, the last thing she needs is for him to lash out on her. Because then, she would be forced to act as Nat, and she really doesn't know how her teammate can act when she's angry besides punching, and she's sure as hell not punching her Coach. Nat would kill her because this is very stupid, and she's afraid of the consequences.

Her mind is running so fast writing tons of potential scenarios that she barely hears him telling her to sit on the chair.

“Sorry to send Misty on such a short notice after you. How are you doing, Natalie?”

She's doing great, she's not even Natalie, just a confused and very frustrated Jackie Taylor, who is so so afraid of confronting her best friend who, let's not forget, she kissed and now she can't even look at her without all kinds of feelings bursting out.

“Great.”

He doesn't question her, to her relief. “I'm going straight to the point then. I sent a letter to some recruiters for you.”

Now that's confusing. “Oh…?”

“A scholarship.”

Yeah, she could tell. But that's the problem.

He wanted to see Natalie to talk about her future. She couldn't be more out of place than now. Ignoring him is not an option. She has to play along the best she can. It would be idiotic to show no interest.

“Why?”

“Because you have great potential. Some of the girls on the team? They love soccer, sure, but they're all pursuing something else once this is over. We both know you don't trust in yourself for a better future, you probably think you're going to do shitty jobs after shitty jobs because you won't like it, but you still think it's what you're all capable of.” He pushes a letter to the front. “It's not true. I believe in you. I have seen what you can do, and I know you can do better.”

Nat would probably grunt something like None of your business. Instead, Jackie takes the letter.

“I'll think about it.”

“I'm offering you an opportunity. I sincerely hope you won't take this as charity and just take your life into your own hands.”

Well, that's not her decision to make… but she'll make sure to pass the message.

“Thank you, Coach.”

He waves his hand dismissing her gratitude. “I would be a poor excuse of a Coach if I didn't try to help this team.”

Funny he says that, because she's been reflecting on this recently. As Captain of the Yellowjackets, she takes things seriously, often wondering if she really contributes to this team on the same level that they're expecting her to. It's not really about scoring but more of the aspects of keeping the team together. She cares about them, and wishes that she could do more than give speeches.

The letter in her hand felt heavier than it should. Maybe it's a sign, a sign she can't ignore.

Jackie knows she shouldn't open it and read what is meant to Nat, but she decides to do it anyway. Curiosity always gets the best of her. Also, she's technically Natalie, so…

She opens it anyway when she's finally alone and Coach Scott leaves his office, leaving her in the corridors.

There's not much written on it, despite the big implications. Ben wasn't kidding; he believes in Nat. He personally asked for them to come, and they agreed.

This is huge.

Recruiters are willing to come to one of their games to personally talk to her and see if she wants to pursue a career in sports. They already saw tapes of their games. They just want confirmation, everything is basically already done.

Jackie reads the letter several times, the words printing in her brain.

Nat has a future.

She feels herself smiling at the information. Just when she's about to put the letter in her bag, she hears the sound of complaints.

“I told you, she was with him.”

“I told you she wasn't with him when I was with Coach Martinez.”

“She wasn't with him, yet .”

“Whatever, Lottie.”

“Just saying…”

Nat looks a bit nervous when she faces Jackie, she probably thinks she's in trouble. “What's up? Is there any good or bad news?”

“Just good news.” Is it possible for her letter to weigh even more than right now?

“That's unusual.” Replies Nat with sarcasm.

Jackie doesn't falter and hands her the letter with a smile. “He wanted to give you this, I huh… opened it… but that's not really important! What is important is that you've been spotted by recruiters and they want you to go professional.”

The first thing she notices is the silence, then it's Lottie's gaze on her girlfriend, gouging on her next actions. The latest thing is the sudden stillness from Nat, like she's been frozen in time until her hand connects with the paper.

Nat sneers as she takes the letter. “It's none of his fucking business.”

Jackie doesn't flinch at her sudden move and narrows her eyes at her, in fear that Nat would tear the letter. “Don't do that. You deserve it, please read it, and think about it.”

Lottie doesn't press further and just shrugs, trying her best to sound nonchalant. “I think you should listen to her.”

Sure coming from Natalie, she didn't expect to see her jumping from joy, but she also didn't anticipate the sudden frustration. And also… fear.

It's her body, her expressions, it's far easier to read what is going into her teammates mind.

“I'll just… It can wait.” Her hands don't tear the letter apart to the relief of the girls. The letter is given back to Jackie. “Put it in my locker.”

Jackie says she will, but she doesn't, too afraid that Nat would put it away forever and never look back at it.

Just for a single paper…

Nat knew that Jackie wouldn't give up easily. She saw the look in her eyes when she gave her that letter. Full of happiness, of hope for a better tomorrow for her friend.

Her friend…

Since when did she started to consider Jackie as a friend?

Maybe this whole situation was starting to fuck with her brain.

Lottie also tried to talk to her about it yesterday. She never pushed, and Nat is thankful for it. She's a bit tired with everything going on. She would be lying if she said that the whole situation wasn't starting to scare the shit out of her.

The world was cruel to her. Just when she was starting to get her shit together, it decided to screw her over and make everything more complicated.

Sure it wasn't perfect, but she still has the chance to be in a steady relationship with the girl she loves, her grades were not atrocious since she started to quit drinking like a black hole and she was killing it in soccer.

Maybe too much then…

A part of her knows that she should accept this offer. It's a ticket out of this town, that's what she wanted… initially.

Deep down, she fears the unknown.

She doesn't know if she's ready to quit this routine. Quit Wiskayok, meeting new people, playing with another team, and most of all leave her trailer behind without looking back.

It's not just about her mother. It's mostly because of him .

It's like his ghost clings to her, as a reminder of who she is and what happened. Preventing her from taking a step forward, constantly haunting her.

The cold of the night fills her lungs as she inhales deeply. Lottie always reprimands her when she's sitting so close to the edge, but she likes how her legs can kick the air without any restrictions.

Her eyes lingered on the city. She probably won't miss it that much if she leaves. What scares her, however, is if Lottie could take it. She doesn't want to leave her here, with no one, while she's out there living the dream. Malcolm would try to get his hands on his daughter again, trying to mold her to be his next heir to his stupid company.

Lottie doesn't want that life. She confessed to Nat that she wishes to see the world, burn a little of her legacy and choose what she wants to do.

Selfishly, she wants to ask Lottie to join the same university as her. Lottie would probably agree to the detriment of her desires.

Nat doesn't want that.

She wants Lottie to be able to live the life she envisions, even if she can't stand by her side forever. Knowing that Lottie is somewhere happy, would be enough to keep her heart at peace.

It scares her to death, all those different possibilities.

She was still lamenting on her life when Jackie slipped by her side on shaky legs, trying to avoid looking at the empty space beneath them.

“Chilly night, huh?”

Nat chuckles at her attempt to strike conversation. “Be careful, Taissa would be disappointed in us if we fell ill just before the game.”

Jackie laughs heartily. “You would think she's the one going for a professional career.”

There it is.

Not even wasting time.

She decides to keep silent, enjoying the way the wind gently brushes the tree leaves. She knows Jackie is still waiting for an answer, so she keeps the conversation going.

“Can I confess something to you?”

“Sure.”

“I'm a coward.”

Jackie doesn't laugh, instead she looks intrigued. “Why do you think that?”

“I'm always running away, never confronting my problems head on. Always trying to find something new to deflect on.”

“I don't think that's true. You're speaking to me right now. You're trying.”

Nat let out a disapproving grunt. “These days, I don't even go home because I can't look my mother in the eyes. Every time she looks at me. It's devoid of any warmth. It's like she's only capable of seeing me as a screw-up. I'm always messing things up.”

She doesn't mention her father. It's better that way.

“If you truly were, no one would have faith in you.”

Nat chuckles dryly. “Right.”

“Coach Scott believes in you. These recruiters want you. The Yellowjackets are counting on you. I have faith in you.”

She finds the strength to turn her head, wanting to see if Jackie was genuine. There is no deception in her face, no expression betraying that what she said was just a ploy to just cheer her up.

Nat shakes her head, biting down a smile. How can Jackie Taylor be so kind? With what she has done… She's not sure she's deserving of any form of kindness. But people just keep doing it.

“What if I take it and then I just ruin everything?”

“Do you want to ruin everything?”

Nat looks at her and shakes her head. “Of course not.”

“Then you'll be fine.”

Can it be really that simple?

Just take a chance at it and see whatever happens?

Maybe she could try, just this once.

“Since we're on the topics of family…” She doesn't miss how Jackie inhales sharply, preparing herself for the inevitable discussion. “What are you going to do about them?”

“There's not much to do.” It's true, she can either talk honestly to them or play pretend. One option is scary to her but the other is much more draining and will eventually drive her crazy. “Do you think Lottie would adopt me into her family if they disown me?”

Even if the thought is entertaining, Lottie would never try to trap another person with her family. With the lack of interest, they show their own blood… Jackie would be better off without them. “She could, but as you can see they're not exactly around. Their maids are cool, though.”

“Is the team doomed by shitty families?”

“Laure Lee's family is pretty cool.” Jackie throws her a look like she doesn't believe it. “It's true.” She insists. “Contrary to whatever bullshit people in town can say, her parents are very nice and pretty relaxed.”

“Maybe it explains why Laura Lee is the nicest of all of us.”

“Glad she's not when we play or Taissa would kill her.”

They both laugh at that. Taissa always encourages the girls to play fiercely. It doesn't matter if you take a red card, she would rather see you benched for fighting for your team than bending to the rivals.

Feeling more confident, Jackie pulls the letter from the back of her jeans.

“I know you wanted me to put it in your locker, but I think you're ready. You should do what you want. And don't tell me you don't want it, we both know it's not true.”

Nat can only look at the letter, unable to take it into her hands. She knows that once she takes it, it's a big step forward and she's not sure if she can own up to it.

“I can't just… leave her behind.” She clears her throat trying to numb her feelings. “My mom was just a victim of my dad's actions. I know she's far from being mom of the year, but I don't know… It leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I think of just leaving her alone.”

“Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't owe her anything. You should leave and build your own life.” Jackie quickly raves. “I obviously understand why you think like that, it's your mom, I totally get it. But it also feels a bit unfair to hold yourself back for someone who doesn't care for you.”

She bites back, feeling a bit cornered. “Right back at you.” She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a moment. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. Your parents obviously care for you. Maybe too much at the point where it's hard to breathe, but I think it still comes from a good place.” She doesn't waste her time elaborating on how she still loves her asshole of mother. Jackie probably gets it anyway.

Jackie smiles sadly at her. “You know, I'm actually afraid of losing that, all the love. What if once they realize they raised a stranger… they never want to have anything to do with me ever again?”

Nat places her hand on Jackie's knee trying to show her she's here for her or whatever. She doesn't like to see her friend upset, certainly not over things that are not her to blame for.

“Too bad for them, then. They won't know what they're missing. I find you pretty fun to hang with, Taylor.”

Jackie's smile is back brighter than before, more at ease. “Is that a compliment, Scatorccio?”

“Don't get used to it. I was just trying to be nice.”

Another laugh shakes her body. “I never noticed how we shared some familiarity.”

“Like what?”

“Running away from our problems. Liking girls. Having shit parents. Even if, to be honest, I don't think I have much to complain about compared to you.”

“You don't have to compare. It's not because you think I have it worse that you need to undermine your own feelings.”

Jackie seems taken aback by her comment. ”Since when did you become such a talker, Scatorccio?”

“Living with Lottie is like having a free therapist sometimes.”

“She's good for you.”

Her answer comes easy, like breathing. “Yeah… She's the best thing in my life.”

That's the only thing she's a hundred percent sure about in her life at the moment. If not for Lottie… she honestly doesn't think she would be in a good place.

She surprises herself at how easily she can speak of her feelings, and with no other than Jackie. Funny how a couple of days and a crazy situation made them closer than ever. Obviously, they don't really have a choice if they want things to work out, but it's still a bit surprising considering how annoyed they are with each other usually. A part of her hopes it won't change once they get their bodies back.

Jackie is a nice friend to have.

“So… Are you going to take it?” Asks Jackie as she waves the letter in front of her own face.

A very nice and stubborn friend to have.

“I'll think about it.”

She's sure that if Jackie was in possession of her own body, she would have squeals when her friend finally took the letter.

“Since we're on confession night, I never hated you.”

It doesn't really surprise her. Firstly because she never saw Jackie really hate anyone, but mostly because they never had a reason to hate each other. The animosity between them was just dumb excuse based on the frustration they felt because they couldn't express themselves correctly.

“I tried to hate you.” Confess Nat. She can see it hurt a little Jackie, so she hurries to explain why she couldn't. “It would have worked if you were one of those bitchy, self-centered, controlling freak that can be seen in stupid movies. But that's just not who you are."

"What you're trying to say is-"

"I don't hate you even if I try. I never did. I can't believe I'm about to say it out loud, but I respect you and even envied you at times. You never turn your back on someone who needs help, you know what to say to make them feel better, and you…" She inhales deeply. "You're a good person. You have flaws just like all of us, but you're still trying to be good. It's nice to have someone like you as our team leader."

Jackie doesn't know what to say or to add. No one really spoke to her that way, like ever at the exception of Shauna, but it's different to hear it from the mouth of someone else. Especially if that someone is Natalie, the embodiment of what she wanted to be. Someone true to themselves, who lives without caring about the world thinks of them.

But that's also an old misconception she had on her friend. She can see that they are much more than what the other expected them to be.

Feeling a bit emotional, Jackie held the tears threatening to fall. “You're probably the kindest between us.”

Maybe her ears are deceiving her, because there is no way Jackie actually said that. “Me? Don't let my sudden confessions fool you, Taylor.”

Jackie rolls her eyes at the use of the name. Typical Nat. “That's just for show. You couldn't even really punch me at the party.”

Nat really wants to wipe out that smug smile off her face. “Yeah, because I don't punch drunk, broken-hearted girls.”

Jackie's face doesn't drop, she just keeps on teasing her. “You wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s actually charming, I can understand the appeal.”

“Don't let Shauna hear you. I don't want her to bury me alive.”

“Shauna is harmless.”

“Best joke I heard today.”

“Are you stressed to speak with her?”

“More like mortified.”

“I don't understa–”

Jackie is interrupted by a loud sneeze just behind them. Since the maids are on vacation, it can only mean…

“Lottie… have you been eavesdropping since the beginning?” Asks Jackie, falsely scolding her.

“Who knows?” Responds the taller girl with a grin. Always trying to act so mysterious. What a dork.

Nat, remembering that she said a bunch of embarrassing stuff, takes it as her sign to leave. “I'll go take a shower.” She doesn't want to stick around and be teased for confessing a bit too much.

Jackie waves at Nat as she leaves the room. Lottie stands by her side and looks at her with some sort of gratitude.

“Thank you for doing this, Jackie.”

“I didn't do anything special.” She knows Lottie is speaking about the letter, but she didn't want to get credit for something Nat was already ready to accomplish, she just gave her little push.

“She's never opened with anyone except for me and probably Van. I'm happy she found someone willing to listen to her and give her advice.”

“We're friends. It's the least I can do.” A pause. “If you ever want to talk, I'm here. I don't want to be just a team leader to you. I want us to consider ourselves as friends.”

Lottie smiles down at her. “I'd like that.”

“I should probably go to sleep.”

Lottie helps to get her up off the floor and hugs her to Jackie's surprise.

Even if she's taken aback, Jackie hugs her back. She didn't realize how much she needed this.

Lottie slowly backs off with a smile. “Good night, Jackie.”

Oddly, Jackie does have a great night. 

Maybe things will be okay…

The next days passed quickly, way too quickly. To be sure nothing unusual could occur to them while they tried to get their bodies back, the girls agreed to only show up to soccer practice and a few classes, just enough to not raise awareness.

Unfortunately, their situation hasn't changed. Still stuck to square one. But today was different, because today, Jackie has to face Shauna.

So, when Jackie opens her eyes, she definitely hopes for a miracle, anything, that could postpone this meeting.

Instead, the first thing to greet her in the morning are expecting eyes, fully analyzing her.

“Are you Jackie?”

She wants to answer, yes of course I am, what a dumb question, but then remember her situation.

“Hello, Lottie.”

Lottie turns away with a groan, letting herself fall back on a chair. It seems like she was out of energy.

“It was fun for a day or two, but now I'm getting impatient. If this isn't fixed by the end of the week, we're finding a witch.”

Nat makes her way into the room, her mouth stuffed with bread.

“You know any witches?” Scoffs her girlfriend.

“Do not underestimate my searching skills. I will find and pay for one if I have to.” She points back between the two girls. “But this , this is getting too much.”

“She's right.” Sighs Jackie. “I'm even willing to let you punch me to see if it can work.”

Lottie whines, her hands covering her face. “I just want my girlfriend back, I'll even sacrifice Randy to make it work.”

Nat can't hide her amusement. “You just want an excuse to hurt Randy.”

Lottie's face morphs into disgust. “I mean… Have you seen him?”

Jackie can't help but agree. “I can't believe I tried to set him up with Shauna…”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Says Lottie, completely stunned her friend would try such a thing. “If I didn't know better, I'd think Shauna is your worst enemy.”

Completely exhausted, Nat runs a hand on her face. “Can we please try to avoid talking about Shauna? I've been sick to my stomach just thinking about today. Any chance we can ditch?”

Jackie sits up quickly, the mere idea upsetting her. “We can't! We promised her, and I can't have her hate me forever. This is a life or death situation, Natalie.”

Lottie grins at her girlfriend. “Back to full name…”

Nat ignores her, playfully rolling her eyes. “I get it. But what do you want me to say to her? I don't feel like this is my place to drop the love bomb on her.”

Fuck, she's right…

Not to mention it could turn into a disaster.

There is practically one percent of chance Shauna might love her back after everything, and she can't expect Nat to fix things by herself.

“Just try to talk and buy us time. If you manage to lead this conversation to a dead-end, Shauna will get frustrated and set another opportunity to talk properly.”

“You're being awfully optimistic.

“Someone has to.”

Jackie tried to be optimistic, she really did, but now sitting tables away from Nat as she waits at the dinner for Shauna, she just wants to take her and run before it's too late.

She trusts Nat. The problem doesn't lie there.

The problem is Shauna.

Shauna, who knows Jackie since they learned how to walk and will most certainly pick that something is wrong.

They were lucky to avoid any real conversations until now, and practice went surprisingly well enough to not raise any awareness.

But today? They're dead.

Jackie glares as Lottie sips her drink loudly.

“Can you not? We're trying to be discreet.”

“I'm not the one who wanted to go with sweaters on when the sun is kicking our ass.” She crosses her arms on her chest looking smug. “I didn't even want to be there at all.”

Jackie rolls her eyes. They both know it's not true. Lottie is enjoying this way too much. She has nothing better to do anyway. “You're free to go then.”

Her friend's mouth morphs into a pout that she's sure must work wonderfully on Nat. “Don't be mean, Jackie.”

She ignores Lottie and focuses on the front door. Hiding behind the menu she's holding, she hopes Shauna won't catch them, she knows it will annoy her if she does.

It doesn't take much longer before Shauna finally arrives. She looks fabulous. It's ridiculous how Shauna can make anything look good on her. It's nothing extraordinary, just a pair of jeans, a shirt and her favorite sneakers, but it's always enough to catch Jackie's attention. To her, Shauna's beauty is just unmatched.

Shauna's eyes scan the room, in search of her and her breath almost stops as their gaze almost crosses. Fortunately, Shauna’s eyes are locked on the right table with the right person.

Jackie almost laughs at Shauna's body language. She's trying to walk confidently but almost stumbles when Nat looks at her with a smile.

It's cute, Shauna must be stressed.

At least, it makes three of them.

Nat must be losing her mind at the moment. She never stopped complaining once ever since they left the house.

Staring at Shauna as she sits in front of her friend, she really wishes she could hear their conversation. The best she can do is to pray to any Gods above to avoid a disaster.

There's no way, this won't end as a total shit show.

Nat is sure she's sweating fucking bullets right now and that Shauna could smell it with the way her nose is scrunching.

How the fuck would Jackie start a conversation with Shauna after that night…?

Hey, Shauna, was Jeff good in bed?

What did you think of my lips?

Could you please try to not kill Natalie who's just trying to be a friend to me?

Let's go with a classic one.

“How are you doing Shauna?” She tried to make it as honest as she could, but Shauna's face darkens and she just wants to get her body back and bury her head into Lottie's loving embrace.

“You're seriously asking me after ignoring me an entire week?”

She's so screwed.

“You're right, let's change the subject of conversation. What do you want to drink? It's pretty hot today.”

Nat feels particularly hot under Shauna's eyes burning with whatever is in it.

“I don't know, how about a special drink called, what the hell is wrong with you?”

Didn't know Shauna had this kind of humor…

Nat feels tense but forces herself to shrug. “Nothing.”

However, Shauna doesn't let this go, actively trying to make her speak. “You’re being weird, Jackie. It's as if you're not even yourself. After what happened, I thought you would skip class for weeks, but no, instead I found you the next day being buddies with Natalie and Lottie.”

She's not impressed, of course Shauna would be jealous. These two are really attached to the hips. Seeing Jackie getting close to her teammates as she was ignoring her best friend must have really hurt.

Van told them that Laura Lee and Taissa tried to keep her company and dissuade her from making a scene at school. Seeing Jackie but not being able to talk to her must have been frustrating for her. It's not really surprising to see her lash out now.

“Shauna-”

Apparently, Shauna is not over because she interrupts her and looks at her with so much distrust it puts Nat on the edge of her seat. “Then, I talk to you, and I'm suddenly looking at your eyes and it caught me off guard because it was like looking at a stranger. You even smell different.”

Fucking hell…

What is Shauna? 

A hound?

“I'm staying at Lottie's, of course I might smell a little differently.”

“It's not just that! Talking back to Taissa? Not you. Being rude during the call? Definitely not you. Your attitude during practice? Not the Jackie I know.” She slowly brings her face closer to hers without breaking eye contact between them. “Who are you and what have you done with Jackie?”

She's even hitting her with movie lines.

Okay, she's fucking done with this.

Fuck it.

“Well since you're so good at this detective stuff, why don't you tell me?” She smirks at Shauna trying to piece things together. “I'll help. Everything happened the very same night after you left.”

Shauna frowns. “The fight… You and Natalie got into a fight and then next you…” She stops mid sentence, her eyes widening when she realizes what Nat might be implying. “You slept with Natalie.”

“What!? No, Shipman! I'm trying to tell you I'm Natalie and not Jackie!”

She expects everything but the laughter of Shauna is certainly a surprise. It's creepy but also pretty reassuring considering she doesn't get a fist into her face.

“I'm just fucking with you. I understood the minute I saw Lottie in the diner… Well not exactly, but it just confirmed things.” She takes a sip from the drink Nat ordered for her. Her posture completely at ease.

Nat turns around slightly to see Jackie hide herself quickly with a newspaper. She closes her eyes out of exasperation. Talk about discretion… What happened to the menu, anyway?

She focuses back on Shauna who laughs behind her hand.

“Oh, very funny, Shipman. I'm dying over there.” She takes a second to organize her thoughts. “Why aren't you freaking out? Even Lottie and Van took it well. I don't understand how you just don't call me crazy.”

“Let's say I prefer this option over the one of Jackie completely losing her shit. I mean come on. Anyone with a bit of common sense could tell something is off with her… or you.”

She couldn't exactly argue with that. They tried their best, but it was doomed from the start. They were lucky enough to fool Jackie's parents, even if they do owe Lottie for her distraction.

“When did you realize you were in love with Jackie?”

Shauna's chokes on her drink, her face suddenly red. Embarrassment or anger? Nat wouldn't know and doesn't care. She just wants to mess around a bit. She deserves this treat, and Shauna can't physically hurt her since she's in her best friend's body. Call it a bit of privilege.

Still coughing, Shauna glares at her. “That's none of your business. I don't mess with your relationships with Lottie, so don't stick your nose into mine.”

It doesn't surprise her. Out of all the girls in the Yellowjackets, Shauna is probably the most observant one. Sure, her attention is mostly focused on Jackie, but you can always catch her looking at everything like she's trying to read their life. It's a bit unsettling if you don't really know her.

What she is grateful for however, is the fact Shauna decided to keep it to herself. Not everyone would be so kind. Or perhaps she just waited for an opportunity to use it against them one day…? She quickly brushes aside this idea. To her core, Shauna is someone nice. She might even be the one she's most comfortable with aside from Van, Jackie and Lottie.

Also, it's not like they were being discreet the whole time, so… can't be mad. They only have themselves to blame.

“Come on Shauna, you can tell me. It's not like I'm going to tell her it's not my place to do it anyway.”

Shauna surprisingly yields, like she has waited for some time to get everything off her chest.

“I guess it was already there somehow… waiting for me to have a big revelation. We practically grew up together. We shared so many things and almost did everything together.” Her jaw clenches, and her small smile slowly disappears, her eyes focused on her hands playing with a straw. “Until she got her first boyfriend. At first I thought I was jealous of her, because of course Jackie would be the first to be in a relationship. But I couldn't shake this feeling that it was more.”

“You wanted to be in Jeff's place.”

“It wasn't fair. I felt like I was being replaced, you know? She wanted to spend more time with him, she planned how to kiss him, how to ask him out, and do more while consulting me . It was like being tested and I couldn't take it anymore.” A sigh escapes her lips. “I guess a part of me wanted to hurt her as much as she had hurt me. So I took Jeff. It was easy, he's so…”

“He's a douchebag.”

Shauna chuckles, not denying anything. “But he was also the closest thing I could take that was Jackie's.” Her eyes shine with what could be interpreted as a bit of regret. “But she kissed me that night, and now everything is so much more complicated. I ran away like a coward.”

She's not sure how fucking your best friend's boyfriend can be more complicated than it is already, but these two definitely outdid themselves.

It's almost laughable how Jackie actually never cared about Jeff, if only she realized it earlier, they maybe wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

Deep down, she knows it's not her place to tell how fucked up it is to fuck your best friend's boyfriend because you want her badly, but…

“So, you started to fuck Jeff because you thought it was like getting closer of Jackie? And some have the nerve to say my relationship is weird...”

“Don't you dare to compare me to you two. At least, I have the decency to not fuck in public places.”

Her eyes widened at the information. Sure they weren't discreet, but they weren't idiots either. They stopped hooking up at school after Misty found out. “How do you…?”

Shauna snorts, her lips curving into a teasing smile. “You traumatized Misty so much she just trauma dumped on me one day.”

Hilarious… She must tell Lottie later.

“Whatever. My point still stands. You two need to get real. You're obsessed with each other. It's not really the healthiest relationship, but it can work if you're willing to talk.”

Shauna glances over her shoulder, sighing as Jackie terribly hides herself with the newspaper. “I don't want to talk any further. The next time I speak, it will be with Jackie.”

“Don't be annoying, Shauna. You can do it now.” She was so tired of this cat and mouse chase.

“No.” Her voice is firm, not letting any chance for Nat to argue. “It won't count if it's not truly her. I want her to be wholly herself.”

Nat sighs in defeat, knowing she won't be able to change her mind. On the other hand, it's a win for her. She won't have to keep the act up anymore. “Fine. But don't mess it up. This situation made me more close with Jackie and I will be forced to fight with you if you break her heart.”

Shauna rolls her eyes, a little annoyed but with her small smile on her face. “Drop the tough act. We know you're a softie.”

It's her turn to roll her eyes in amusement. “Fuck off, Shauna.”

They both end up talking about trivial stuff, enjoying each other's presence while Jackie was losing her mind in her corner.

“Stop staring at them, Jackie.”

“I'm trying to read their lips.”

Lottie pinches her arm, making her jump into her seat and hissing in pain. “What the fuck!?”

“See? You can focus on something else than them.”

Jackie huffs, frustrated that she can't do anything. “It's easy for you to say, there are not really things at stake for you.”

Her friend's face twitched into something less teasing, like her comment upset her. “That's what you think.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“Well, I don't know if you're aware, but you're currently borrowing my girlfriend's body.” It's sarcastic, and maybe she deserves it.

“Not by choice.” She feels compelled to remind Lottie.

“Nat is all I have.” Blurts Lottie, more serious than usually. “My parents are never around, I never had the opportunity to really connect with people, but it changed with her.” She tries to not take it too much at heart. She knows Lottie loves the Yellowjackets, falling in love it's just totally different.

“You never told me how you got together. To be honest, I never thought Nat would settle down so soon with someone. She always seems more like the casual type.”

Lottie scowls at her. "With these people perhaps, but they weren't good enough for her anyway and they didn't know how to treat her right. That's something I excel at.”

"First of all you're really full of yourself, I don't know how your body can support your big head and secondly it doesn't mean Nat won't break up with you."

“Why would she?" It seems that this scenario never crossed Lottie's mind ever once. Jackie honestly had trouble grasping why. Was it because they trust each other deeply or it is because of how deep their love can be?

She shrugs trying to feint her growing interest for their relationship. “I mean, it happens.”

Lottie doesn't break her gaze from her as she plays with the ice cubes in her drink. “It won't. I know it because Nat is not the kind of person to break up easily. She's the kind of person to love someone with her whole heart even if she's not sure if that person is going to give her anything in return. She's the kind of person that promised me to never leave me and that she will forever dedicate her heart to me."

These two are really deep into it… it's pretty sweet and nauseating.

"Okay, sorry, I never meant to say anything bad about her." Jackie raises her hands to surrender. She was just curious, she didn't want to upset Lottie with her questions. She's glad her friends get to be vulnerable with each other.

However, Lottie, already frustrated by her own words, continues to ramble, feeling like she has to defend her girlfriend with everything she has. "She also stays late outside, using her money to call me whenever I'm upset about something. She carries my bags when we go out shopping to just show off to me, because she always feels the need to impress me. She pretends to dislike when I make her listen to songs I love and yet will always make me a new mixtape with them on it… She's amazing and I love her."

Jackie is amazed by how easily Lottie can put into words how she feels about Nat. If she had to do the same for Shauna, she wouldn't even know where to begin. Mostly because sometimes the lines between love and hate were blurred since that night… And she feels so many things for Shauna.

Shauna, who is currently apparently laughing with Nat.

Jackie frowns, feeling her heart filled with jealousy. She knows it's ridiculous, and she shouldn't feel this way, but despite her best efforts she can't help it. The desire to drag away Shauna and explain everything to her is weirdly compelling for a moment.

Reluctantly, she forces herself to look away. She can't blame Shauna for having a good time with the Jackie in front of her. It's rather reassuring in a way, perhaps she's ready to forgive her that night's kiss?

She knows some people would slap her head to get her ideas straight. She's supposed to be mad at Shauna for the whole Jeff thing, and she obviously is, but she's the one who crossed the line by kissing her. Shauna was obviously upset over it…

Lost in her thoughts, she doesn't notice Nat coming to their table until she places her drink on it. Jackie looks up to see if Shauna is with her, but finds the seat empty, her best friend already gone.

“Remind me to never bring you two with me on a mission.”

Lottie tugs at her expensive skirt. “Too much?”

“Not your fault, you look fantastic.” Says Nat with a smile. She turns to scowl at Jackie. “A newspaper, really?”

Jackie won't waste her breath trying to defend her stupid choice. Let's talk about what is truly important. “Had a great time with Shauna, I see.” She hopes no one can perceive how bitter she sounds.

Mission probably failed considering how smug Nat looks. “Haven't you heard? We're best friends.”

For a moment, she's really about to snap and put back Nat to her place, until she is reminded by her own face in front of her that she almost fell for the obvious joke.

She lets out a forced humorless laugh. “Very funny.”

Lottie pushes her bag off the chair beside her, so her girlfriend can sit next to her. “Did you manage to buy some time?”

“I didn't need to. Shauna knows.”

It's very vague and Jackie completely freaks out. Shauna knows, could mean various things and she's afraid it might be the one where she knows how disgustingly Jackie loves her.

“She knows…?” Repeats numbly Jackie.

Nat nods. “Yeah, honestly, it doesn't surprise me. Shauna is a sharp one.”

Lottie nods in agreement. “Great, that's a problem solved. Are you guys free to skate tonight? Taissa called this morning, it's probably just an excuse to get us to talk about our next game.”

Jackie doesn't let her friend answer, she practically grips her arm with wild eyes. “Can we go back to the essentials, please !?”

It doesn't take much effort for Nat to push her away back into her chair. “What do you want me to say? She knows, and she doesn't want to speak until everything is back to normal.”

She lets herself sink deeper into the chair.

Until everything is back to normal.

And how exactly are they supposed to make it happen?

She's seriously considering letting Lottie find a witch.

Speaking of Lottie, she must have sensed her distress because she doesn't waste time and takes her hand in hers with a supportive smile. “At least, it means she wants to speak to you.”

That's true… it's not much to ease her mind, but it will have to do for now.

Putting her face into her hands, Jackie mumbles to herself. “And we have to play tomorrow, it can't be any worse.”

“Would going out help you and get you in higher spirits?” Asks Lottie before adding, “Shauna is going.”

Nat raises her eyebrows in surprise, from what Shauna told her before leaving, she didn't seem to have any plan. “Did Taissa tell you that?”

“Call it a hunch.” Shrugs Lottie. She focuses her attention back on Jackie. “So?”

“I don't even know how to skate.”

“We'll help you!”

With that being said, Jackie decides to accept the offer.

After all, she knows she can count on her two friends, and going out might not be a terrible idea.

She should know better than to trust Lottie.

“I said we were going to help, I never said I was good at it.” Laughs Lottie as Jackie tried to grab onto anything or anyone, already feeling her butt sore from the several falls.

Despite Lottie's advice and instructions, she couldn't go a few seconds before falling flat on her back. It was honestly very embarrassing. Maybe not actually being Jackie for once is a good thing.

She glances at Nat skating effortlessly as she comes back with a drink into her hand for Taissa, sitting at a big table they booked for the team.

“According to them we won't have to play tomorrow because they got food poisoning or something.” Taissa takes the drink, smiling gratefully towards Nat. “It's a really good thing.”

Nat nods. “With Lottie out, we would've been forced to make Melissa play.”

Taissa glances at Melissa skating with a hand over her hat to avoid him from flying away. “Our prayers were answered.”

Laura Lee's eyes comically widen. “God wouldn't do that.”

“Relax, Laura Lee, we know.” Chuckles Lottie, helping Laura Lee putting on her skates. “Still no signs of Shauna?”

“She's coming.” Says Taissa with confidence. “Jackie is there after all.”

It doesn't escape Nat how Taissa doesn't look at her when she says that, but to the actual Jackie clinging to Van and a freshly newcomer Laura Lee like her life depends on it.

Lottie notices it too and can't help but laugh. “She told you?”

“Next time you want to keep a secret, don't make her smoke a whole jungle. ”

Nat knows it's half a joke and a threat. “Why are none of you taking this as something totally crazy? What the fuck is wrong with this team?”

“I was still skeptical until I saw the shit show you pulled in practice. I've seen you play better while being hungover.”

She won't make the mistake of thanking her. She knows it will upset Taissa. She almost could hear how Taissa's voice echoed through the whole locker room when she yelled at her to never come again like that.

“It's not like they could skip.” Tries to defend Lottie.

“Have you found a way to fix this… thing?”

Nat shakes her head. “No, but for now it's fine. It even made us closer, you know?”

“So what, you're like best friends now?”

“Don't even joke about that, Taissa. Shauna would have my head if I tried.”

The three of them laugh at that. There's no denying it when it comes to Shauna's jealousy.

“Speaking of Shauna, she's here. You should warn Jackie before she makes a fool of herself by trying to skate over her.”

“Shauna doesn't want to talk to her until everything is back to normal.” From the corner of her eye, she can see Jackie almost colliding with a random kid once she glances towards Shauna. “Yeah, you're right, I'll go.”

It doesn't take her much time to reach Jackie, she's basically dragging Laura Lee and Van down with her.

“I'm so done with you!” Yells Van, frustrated at the incompetence of her friend.

“Don't you dare abandon me!” Screams back Jackie.

“Maybe we should get her to the table.” Laura Lee throws the suggestion, hoping her friends are going to agree.

“No! I can do it!” Says stubbornly Jackie. Her face lights up once she sees Nat in front of them. “You know what? Jackie is going to help me.”

Nat would usually groan, but seeing how distressed her friends look, she forces a smile on her face. “Leave her to me. I got us drinks at the table.”

They both send her grateful smiles before skating away. Nat doesn't waste time and takes Jackie's hands into hers to steady her.

“Your balance must be terrible or something.” Huffs Jackie.

“Don't try to blame my body for it. You just suck at it.” Jackie doesn't counter back, they know it's true. “So… Shauna is here.”

“Shauna is here.” Repeats Jackie back, not really knowing what to do with this information. “Do you think she's stalking us or something?”

“I doubt it. Our situation is still the same. She doesn't gain anything from being here for us. Also, did you forget we're here as a team?”

“Yeah, but then why would she-”

Jackie doesn't finish her sentence, the words stuck in her throat as she glances towards Shauna speaking with Jeff.

No, it's more like Jeff is talking to Shauna who is trying to dissociate herself from this interaction.

The fucking bastard has some nerves to talk to Shauna publicly after what he did…

Nat is glad Jackie doesn't hold any feelings for him or it could be enough to crush her heart seeing her ex-boyfriend openly pourchasing her best friend.

Instead, she feels Jackie clenching her hands into hers, her eyes sending death threats to him.

Slowly, she tries to skate back to the table, hoping Jackie won't do anything stupid.

However, she didn't see nor did she thought, that Jackie would be the least of her troubles as they both heard someone screaming behind them.

Nat barely has the time to register what is happening before Jackie places herself in front of her to protect her from the incoming impact of this stupid ass Randy Walsh coming uncontrollably towards them while their teammates scream to warn them.

The three of them fall to the ground, Nat knocking her head first on the floor, making her lose consciousness in a second.

The scent of a meal being cooked is the first thing Jackie can sense. Then, she comes to the realization of something cold placed on the back of her head. When she tries to move she yelps and opens her eyes with difficulty.

She knows this place.

It's like a second home to her.

It's Shauna's home.

Deb is in the bedroom, currently speaking quietly with her daughter. She's probably the one who decided to put the ice.

“Shauna…” Mutters weakly and pathetically Jackie.

It's enough to grab her attention immediately. Shauna rushes to the bed kneeling beside her. “Don't try to move too much, Mom said you'll be fine, but we never know.”

“I'll leave you girls alone. Dinner will be done soon.” Deb closes the door, leaving the two girls face to face.

For a while, both of them are incapable of muttering a single word. They both probably thought they would have more time before seeing each other again. And this situation is certainly not a perfect one. Jackie is stuck, she has nowhere to hide or run to.

She lets out a gasp, suddenly remembering how exactly she might have hurt her head. “Where is Nat!?”

Shauna seems to be a little annoyed by her question. “With Lottie.”

“She wasn't hurt, was she?”

A chuckle. “You tanked Randy's fall with her body. I'm pretty sure she's going to have bruises for weeks. Her recovery might be quicker with how much Laura Lee prayed for both of you to get better.”

Her eyes widened at this information. She's so fucking stupid. She didn't think for one second that they would switch back to their bodies, her intent to protect Nat only resulted in the opposite.

“I'm so dumb…”

“For what it's worth, I'm glad you did it. It was stupid but it also protected you.”

“It wasn't my intention.”

“I know.”

“What happened after I fainted?”

“Lottie dropped us here. I said my mom could check on you.”

“What of Nat?”

This time Shauna rolls her eyes. “Lottie has a private doctor or something. I wasn't really listening, I was just worried about you, but I think she got this.”

“That's good…”

“I also threatened to skin Randy and throw him into a bath of salt.” Says casually Shauna with a straight face.

He deserves it.

“Because now you care if I'm being hurt.”

Shauna looks at her in disbelief.

“You want to do this right now? Seriously?”

“I mean, why not? Let's clear the air.”

Shauna pulls back abruptly with a sneer or maybe it was more of a wounded look? “You're so self-centered.”

Jackie forces herself to raise herself a bit with the help of her elbows. If they're doing this, she's going to do it properly. “Really, huh? How so? What is the awful truth about me, Shauna?”

“We always do what you want! You never take my opinions into consideration. You always discard my feelings!”

Her jaw drops. The irony… She always thought she was doing things for the best interest of Shauna, however her best friend never saw it that way. Except for Randy… She admits her mistake there. “Is this about Randy? Is that why you decided to fuck Jeff behind my back?”

Shauna throws her hands up in anger. “Who the fuck cares about Randy!? See? This is exactly what I'm talking about! You have absolutely no clue about what I'm feeling! It's always about you!”

“Then tell me!” Shouts back Jackie.

“I have this constant feeling of being invisible when I'm next to you. Always a supportive role, but never enough for you.” Jackie wants badly to tell her that it's not true. She never considered Shauna as a simple sidekick. She doesn't see her life without her. It would be meaningless. “I have a life outside of you, you know?”

“I know that.” She mutters, even if it hurts more than she wants to admit. That's something kind of hard for Jackie to comprehend. After all, for her, Shauna is her life. The Yellowjackets, Shauna, her parents, that's all she has.

“I don't think you do.” Shauna takes a deep breath in before blurting out a new bomb on her. “I'm not going to Rutgers. I applied for Brown and got in. Didn't expected that from me, did you?”

She certainly did not.

“Oh.” Feeling suddenly numb, she lets tears flow freely on her face. The fact that Shauna got into Brown is not a surprise in itself, Shauna is the smartest person she knows.

What is a surprise, however, is how she planned to just drop Jackie anyway.

She's clutching the sheets into her hands tightly, shaking with… fear. Deeply frightened at the idea of letting Shauna go, of Shauna leaving her. She doesn't want to end up alone.

“You never asked me if I wanted to go somewhere other than Rutgers.”

She can't refute the truth. She always thought they would do everything together. She never thought about asking Shauna if she was fine with the planning.

What a goddamn fool.

“I thought… I don't know what I really thought actually.”

If Shauna knows she's lying, she doesn't press her for the truth. Maybe it's out of fear, or she just doesn't want to deal with her bullshits which Jackie can't be mad about.

This exchange is exhausting, it's draining her energy faster than any games she played. Stupidly, she wished she could have more time in Nat's body, away from her actual life and problems.

“Why did you kiss me?” It seems to be asked out of genuine curiosity.

“It doesn't matter. It was just stupid.”

“You did it for a reason.” Press further, Shauna.

Jackie closes her eyes. She's not sure she's ready to tell her. She knows she doesn't have a lot to lose anymore, but she knows she won't be able to support the look of disgust Shauna might do.

But Shauna's stare is restless, leaving her with no choice but to speak.

With how things have escalated, she might as well tell the truth. She feels like she already has lost Shauna anyway.

“You said it yourself. It's always about me and I just did it because I wanted to. You got me, Shauna. I'm just sickeningly selfish.” She's now sitting correctly in the bed, facing Shauna like she deserves. “I'm so selfish that I purposely tried to ruin your chances in finding love. So fucking selfish that I never asked you if you wanted to spend more years with me, because that's what I wanted. Everything I did and do, is connected to you. But it doesn't matter, because you hate me.” She whispers the next words. “You don't want me the way I want you.”

It might be the first time Jackie managed to stun Shauna. She's speechless, eyes widening as she processes everything.

“I want you too.” Breaths out Shauna.

Perhaps her ears were deceiving her. “No, you don't mean it, Shauna. You made it pretty clear.”

“I never got to tell you the entire truth about why I slept with Jeff.” If possible, she didn't want to hear more of it, just thinking about it hurt. Shauna chose Jeff over her.

“I don't need some excuses. I want reasons.”

“I did it out of love for you.”

She lets out a strangled laugh of disbelief. “You're telling me, you slept with Jeff out of love for me? Really?” She really wants to shove Shauna on the ground. “Do you even realize how contradicted you're being?”

“I was jealous of him. Out of the blue, you made him part of our lives, and I felt like there wasn't any place for me anymore. I was being pushed aside, and it made me angry.”

“I don't follow you. Was it out of love or hatred for me?”

Even Shauna feels unsure about her own state of mind. “I don't know. Both? I feel like some part of me can't stand you, but I also love you so much it makes my life a literal hell.”

“So, you hate me.”

“And love you.” Quickly adds Shauna, like it would totally erase the other feeling.

“It doesn't work like that, Shauna.”

“Can't it?” Tears are now running down her face. “I despise some part of you so much that it consumes me with love. At the end of the day, I want you.” More quietly. “You wanted my reasons? That's it. I want you.”

God… She never thought she would get to hear these words in her life.

Shauna wants her.

She wants her in a twisted way, but to Jackie, it doesn't really matter right now. She had the hardest days in her life recently, and hearing that the girl she loves reciprocates her feelings is everything.

They're both weeping, maintaining eye contact between them. Jackie feels more pathetic than ever, but can't control the following sentence leaving her mouth. “Please don't leave me alone, Shauna. I need you.”

I love you.

She doesn't get to say it.

Shauna’s lips taste the same as the first time, if not a bit more salty due to the tears shed, but it doesn't matter and Jackie responds to the kiss immediately as an act of desperation. It's messy, but who cares? Their lives are always a mess anyway.

Time passes, they don't really talk, trying to enjoy the current embrace they're sharing, fully knowing it might be one of the last, as many things remain unsolved between them.

However, Jackie knows deep down in her heart that they'll do anything to overcome the difficulties laying headed of their path.

She wants to believe in a tomorrow for them.

It doesn't take a genius to know she's been out for hours. Her whole body is buzzing, and her mouth is so dry, like she just ran a marathon.

She relaxes her body at the sight of Lottie's bedroom. Several sheets are covering her body, trapping her into the bed. Nat chuckles at the idea of Lottie putting all of this on her to make sure she doesn't get a cold on top of whatever the hell she currently feels. 

It's weird, feeling all of this physical pain. The last time it happened was when her father was still around. He was pissed at her because she skipped school and they unfortunately bumped into each other at a market where he was being thrown out for being drunk. She's practically sure he actually beat the shit out of her that day, for the reason that he was embarrassed she caught him being kicked out, because she saw some sort of weakness in him.

He must be laughing his ass off in hell seeing her in this state and by none other than this stupid fuck of Randy.

She silently curses as she tries to roll on her side to grab the bottle of water on the nightstand.

“Stay still, or I'll have to patch you up myself.”

Lottie is standing at her door frame with a teasing smile on her face, and Nat would be lying if she said she hasn't missed her girlfriend. She knows they've been technically together, but it feels finally right when their eyes meet.

Lottie is beautiful. Nat doesn't think her girlfriend is aware of it or perhaps she likes to pretend. Either way, Nat just want to hold her and tell her how fucking gorgeous she is. 

They don't really talk about it very much, but with the way her parents treated her, Lottie is lacking self-confidence. She thinks she's just your average person who got raised in money. It's not true, though. To Nat, Lottie is so much more. She's everything.

“Is that why you tried to smother me with your blankets? Afraid I'll run away?”

“Totally, I've been dying at the idea of keeping you captive.”

Nat chuckles, it immediately causes her to wince and Lottie is already by her side to help her up, also giving her the bottle of water. “Thank you, Lot.”

“It's just a bottle of water, but you're welcome.”

Nat shakes her head. “It's not. You really helped me a lot in those past few months and I don't know,” She couldn't met her eyes, too embarrassed to face her. “I guess I just feel grateful to have you by my side.”

Lottie takes her words in and moves closer to her. “Scooch over.”

Nat moves without thinking twice even if it hurts a little to move, but pain is nothing if it means she gets to have Lottie wrapping her arms around her. “I missed you.” She whispers, feeling at ease with her girlfriend's head on her chest.

Lottie hums, pleased once Nat plays with her hair. “You owe me so many hugs and kisses you have no idea.”

“Just hugs and kisses…?”

“Scatorccio… you’re in no condition for any of that.”

“Alright, it's your loss.”

Lottie almost whines while laughing. “Don't make me regret it.” Her laughter gradually fades, her face morphing into something more serious. “It was scary, not knowing if you were going to be back.” Admits quietly Lottie.

“I'm sorry.”

She shrugs. “It's not like it was your fault. But I couldn't help but feel like the world was trying to punish us or something. I thought, damn it finally when we're officially together they're going to take it away from me.” She gives a small smile. “I was wrong, it helped you move forward and made us closer.”

“How so?”

“You’re not running away from me anymore. A few months ago, you would've taken the risk to climb out of my window even if it meant breaking your neck to avoid any open heart conversation with me.” That's probably true, as embarrassing as it is. “You seem more at peace. I'm glad, you deserve it.” Perhaps her eyes or her heart were screaming it because Lottie beat her to it before she could utter a single word. “I love you too.”

Listen, she's not one to get very emotional but these past few days were exhausting, so you have to excuse herself as she hugs Lottie tighter, while fighting off tears.

It felt good to be home.

As much as she loves the silence between them, a question still lingered on her lips.

“What happened to Jackie?”

“She's with Shauna.”

She knows she's in no condition to move, and Lottie won't let her go anyway. All she can do is put faith into these two idiots and hope they don't fuck it up.

In the meantime, she has many hugs to deliver.

A week has passed since Jackie last saw Nat. She knows she could have called or paid her a visit, but she didn't have the courage to do it.

She couldn't help but to feel skeptical about their relationship. A part of her is afraid that things will be as they were before, that they would be back as simple teammates and ignore each other. That's where the other part of her would tell her it's impossible. They can't just pretend nothing happened. Because let's be real a lot has happened.

Lottie told her this morning that Nat was finally allowed to go back to school. So Jackie awaits, sitting on the bleachers playing with the necklace around her neck.

Finally, Nat emerges from the building, most likely from Coach Scott's office, with her leather jacket like it wasn't burning out outside. She kicks a rock or two on her way before noticing Jackie. Nat freezes for a moment and Jackie holds her breath, wondering if Nat is going to walk away.

It takes her more time than it should, but Nat eventually gets in front of her with her hands in her pockets, trying to act nonchalant.

“Hey.” Greet her Nat.

Relief washes over her once she understands it's truly happening. Her anxiety drops… a bit. “Hi! How are you? Oh, forget about it. It's dumb you're probably still in pain from the accident. By the way, I'm so, so, so sorry about that, I didn't want you to-” 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Jackie. Breath, it's fine.”

“Oh.”

For some time they just stare at each other blankly before erupting into loud laughter. It takes them several minutes to calm down, before Nat opens her backpack.

“Lottie accidentally packed me two sandwiches.”They both know it was intentional. “Maybe we could eat together? To catch up?” Usually they eat with the team, but they'll survive on their own.

“With pleasure, Scatorccio.”

She eagerly taps the free space on the bench to invite Nat.

“So… How does it feel to be yourself?”

“I never thought I would miss myself so much. It sounds weird, but it doesn't make it any less true.”

Nat snorts. “Can't say that I'll miss your body.”

“I'm sure Lottie was over the moon to get you back.”

“That's an understatement. She practically kidnapped me. I could return to school sooner, but she wanted to catch up on the lost time with me.” Knowing them, it certainly wasn't to talk about the weather. “How did it go with Shauna?”

Jackie almost chokes on the bread. She knew Nat would ask, but she didn't expect it so soon. “Well we talked…”

“No shit, Jackie.”

“Shut up, asshole. I wasn't finished.” Nat raises her hand to excuse herself. “It didn't start great, we tried to hurt each other because it's always much easier. But it was necessary, we both learned a lot on what could be fixed.” 

“Such as?”

“Ourselves and our relationship mostly. It wasn't easy to admit it, but we want to be together, we just don't know how to make it work.”

Nat hums rearranging her thoughts. “Do you want it to work?”

Jackie weakly nods. “I know it might sound ridiculous, but I'm afraid to get hurt. I'm afraid to invest myself into a relationship that won't end as I expected.”

“Relationships aren't easy, but I still think it's worth trying.” Nat clears her throat awkwardly. “Look for mine… I was scared shitless about it, you know. I'm not fearless as many may think, and I'm not going to lie to you, trusting is so fucking hard. But, I'm so glad I gave it a chance. Because nothing makes me happier than to be with Lottie.” Jackie smiles in almost awe, making Nat red to her greatest amusement. “Anyway, you should give yourselves a chance. We can't predict how things will end, but it's worth trying.”

Jackie sighs, feeling conflicted. She knows Nat is right, and she was already thinking about doing everything in her power to make things work, but it will also depend on Shauna.

Trusting each other…

Could they truly do that even when they're miles away?

She never thought about doing a long-distance relationship, but there's not really another option. There's no way she's going to ruin Shauna's opportunity out of fear of being alone.

Feeling her resolve growing, Jackie begins to feel a bit more confident, it's not the end of the world, she just has to make it through college.

College… She cringes at the thought. Her mother was restless about it for days. Nagging her daughter to make decisions on her path. Truthfully, she's still unsure on what to do. She still has a few weeks to make up her mind, so there's that…

She glances at Nat and gasps, remembering why she waited for her here. “Did you sign the papers for your scholarship?”

Nat blinks at her, surprised by the sudden change of subject. “Yeah, my mom wouldn't help with some details, so Lottie and Coach Scott did.” Fuck that woman.

“Coach Scott?”

Nat chuckles at her incredulous look. “He was more ecstatic than me to do it. It's for Rutgers, but I'll take it as long as I don’t have to step another foot in fucking Wiskayok. I'm staying with Lottie until graduation. It feels… weird but I know it's for the best. I don't want my home issues to ruin things for my scholarship.”

“It's great, Nat. I'm happy for you.” She truly meant it. That's the least Nat deserves, she worked hard for it.

“I wouldn't have done it without a little push, so… Thank you, Jackie.”

It takes her a lot to not cry on the spot.

Look at them, having a civil conversation without cursing at each other and being actual friends. Who would have thought? Certainly not Jackie from a month ago.

“I'm glad I could be of any help.”

Nat hands her some tissue.

She's a bit emotional, okay?

Nat doesn't look at her, but her smirk is visible. “You know… Lottie and I are going to rent a place, and there's a free room. A crazy idea came to me, and I thought of you…”

Jackie's mouth drops open, finally understanding what was Nat insinuating. She jumps from on her feet, freaking out. She shrieks loudly and throws herself into Nat, almost making them fall from the bench.

“I knew you liked me, Scatorccio.”

“It's too late to take back my words, right?”

She hugs Nat tighter. “You're not getting rid of me. Also, I'm decorating in pink.” 

Nat shoves her back, displeased with this information. “Absolutely not.”

“Trust me, the sooner you yield the better it will be for you. Don't waste your time trying to fight me on this.”

“You're so annoying, I don't know how I'm going to handle you.”

“You'll have to. Especially since I won't go back home.”

“Did something happen with your parents?” Asks Nat with a worried frown. After dealing with Jackie's family, she knows how things are tense.

“I told my mom about what was troubling me. How I felt overwhelmed by the expectations, how it made me miserable and that I wanted more freedom.” She feels her throat tightening at the memory of their discussion, how much they both cried for hours. “She said she was sorry, that she loved me as I was… I suspect that she knew about my sexual preferences for longer than me, but I was too scared to ask.”

“Well, shit… That's brave of you.”

It is… again she's amazed by her own growth in so little time.

“She talked to my dad on my behalf, but he didn't take it as I wished he would have. He couldn't even look at me the day after.” She tries to smile. “I'm going to wait and give him the space he needs to think. That's why I want to stay as long as possible away from home, it would make things easier.”

Nat nods. “Probably the right move.”

“You did say that sticking around you could teach me a thing or two.”

“I don't remember saying that.” Deny Nat.

Knowing it's a pointless discussion, Jackie doesn't waste anymore time on it and changes the subject once more. “You said Lottie is following us, are her parents fine with it?”

“I bet you can imagine the face her dad made. He wanted her to go for something more prestigious, but Lottie said it was her choice and even ready to pay for everything on her own.” Nat couldn't control the proud grin on her face. “It scared her mother. She didn't want to leave Lottie struggling. They didn't understand why she wanted to go to Rutgers at first, but Lottie said she didn't want to be alone. It surprised me too, to be honest. She always said she wanted to travel, but apparently she just wants to be by my side. It's weird to know I'm enough for her, but I like it.”

It would be a lie to say Jackie doesn't envy them a bit. Brown is too far from here for her to take a monthly ticket and pay a visit to Shauna. They'll have to survive on calls and holiday's breaks.

Still, she's glad Lottie is able to follow Nat. Even securing the reluctant help from her father is a big win. 

She'll just have to be the third wheel for a few years…

Her thoughts are interrupted by Laura Lee coming towards them, holding her books close to her chest, smiling as usual. “Glad to see you back, Natalie.” Nat simply waves back at her. “It's great to see you two together. We often say the Lord works in mysterious ways, but I really didn't expect that.”

Jackie and Nat exchange a short glance, frowning at Laura Lee's words.

Was Laura Lee aware of what happened? 

It wouldn't be surprising, even Misty might know at this point.

Or worse, did Laura Lee think they're dating?

It would certainly make Lottie laugh and anger Shauna, something Jackie wants to avoid now that they're finally reconciling.

Then, a memory came to Jackie in a flash.

At the cafeteria, when Laura Lee told them she prayed for them after their fight.

Then another, when Shauna told her Laura Lee prayed for their recovery after Randy crashed into them.

What the fuck?

Laura Lee.

How does it even work…? God is on her side or something? Was it a divine intervention? Some sort of punishment?

Well, whatever it was it worked so...

Jackie couldn't take it anymore. She suddenly burst out laughing, with tears at the corner of her eyes.

In a way, Lottie's idea of getting a witch is not that far stretched considering what might be the truth.

Looking at how things turned out to be, maybe they should be thankful to Laura Lee.

She must have looked a bit crazy with the way Laura Lee looked worried at her.

“She finally has completely lost it, and it's your fault, Laura Lee.” Mutters Nat slowly backing away from her. “We should try to exorcise her before Shauna rips our hearts out.”

Jackie finally regained her breath after hearing those last words. She gets up to place her hands and Laure Lee's shoulders, smiling. “Thank you, Laura Lee.” She takes her bag, ready to leave for her next class. “See you at practice, guys.”

Simply too stunned to speak, Laura Lee is still staring where Jackie was standing. It takes a few minutes for Nat to speak up.

“What the fuck just happened?”