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‘Baul dear, do you think I’ve betrayed Maleanor?’
He chocked on his tea. Baul was not expecting anything of the sort from Lilia. He rarely talked about her or that’s what he thought. ‘No, why?’
Lilia was silent for a while. ‘I’m not angry at the Knight anymore. I haven’t been angry at him for a while now… a part of me wonders if I’m betraying her for not being angry…’
Baul would have to tread carefully on this sensitive matter. ‘Sweet Lili, you don’t have anything to fear. You aren’t betraying her, you’re simply moving on with your life. She can’t expect you to be angry for all eternity.’
‘She would be, had it been me.’ Lilia countered. Baul highly doubted that. The princess was no where near that kind. She would never grieve for someone that, although she cared for, she had only ever regarded as a soldier and attendant and had never really properly respected. She meant more to him than he did to her. ‘She was a very stubborn and arrogant woman, Lili. She got angry at the slightest thing and held a grudge like it was no one’s business.’
‘What are you trying to say?’ Lilia was on the defensive now. He cared for Maleanor deeply and still held himself responsible for her death. Baul hated to say it but he needed to make Lilia realize the unhappy truth. ‘Lili, I say this because I love you - Maleanor is not the kind of person you remember her as. Yes, it’s not good to speak ill of the dead but, you need to know that you are not betraying her by moving on with your life. And if she thinks you are, then to hell with her. She has not seen to suffer as the rest of us have and she would’ve demanded loyalty from you no matter the situation. She wouldn’t have wanted you to take in your boy, she wouldn’t have wanted you to move on from the war. For all intents and purposes, had she lived and you hadn’t, she would’ve been the one to betray you. Not the other way around.’
Lilia looked at Baul incredulously, clearly not wanting to believe him. Baul took a deep breath and continued, ‘You have never betrayed anyone. Not your boys, not your friends, not me, and definitely not her. No one was as loyal to her as you. And the fact that you still live with the guilt of a crime that was not yours proves that. Not being angry at the Knight is not a betrayal of her, but continuing to be angry and holding onto that resentment is a betrayal to yourself.’
‘…I guess you’re right…’ Lilia didn’t sound like he really believed it but it was a step in the right direction if anything else. Baul would accompany him for all those steps, he would be his love’s biggest supporter.