Chapter Text
“If you stare into the Abyss long enough, the Abyss stares back at you.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche
The only reason Stanley ever decided to set foot on a university campus was because his degree would be completely paid for by the government, and it was a requirement if he ever wanted to become an officer in the air force. Hence here he was, enrolled in the ROTC program of Rice University, which his friends still couldn’t believe he had gotten in. He never stood up as the smart type in high school. He’d sit in the back of class and chat with his classmates or look down the window if he was tired of social interaction, only participating if the teacher asked him directly, and most of the time, rarely stood out.
But well, none of his friends ever asked to see his report card. He graduated with a 4.0 GPA and got a 1580 in the SAT. That, along with teacher’s recommendations, an awfully long list of athletic achievements, and a painfully overexaggerated common app essay, allowed him to bullshit his way into a ‘prestigious university’. In reality, Stanley couldn’t care less about prestige or reputation. He’d had been happy to get his degree from his local community college if that had meant less of a hassle for him.
But he was not naïve, and he knew how important was to network, especially if he planned to make it big in the military. Not only in his career, of course, connections were important in everyday life. You could get away with almost anything as long as you knew the right person. Right, his parents made him realize that at a very young age.
He sighed, the memories making his skin crawl. Stan wondered just when he’d finally let go of that memory. Hell, he was going to the military. He’ll be probably killing people in a war that didn’t concern his country in a few years, yet here he was, still shaking from some petty childhood trauma he couldn’t get over with. Great, Stan.
He craved a cigarette. Stan could almost imagine the smoke filling his lungs and getting out of his nostrils as his body immediately relaxed upon the familiar sensation. Goddammit, imagining it only made him crave it more, but he was already running late for class.
Stan was already regretting applying to such a big university. Why every building had to be so far from each other? He only had ten minutes to move from his English Composition class to General Chemistry but had to cross almost the whole campus.
Stanley got to class five minutes late, which, well, wasn’t that bad. He could have arrived on time if he had wanted. Running one kilometer in less than ten minutes was not a big deal. To enter the army, you had to take a two-mile running test in which, to get the maximum grade you had to complete the run in thirteen minutes. He could make the run in 8:35. However, Stanley was not about to run in the middle of campus and get all sweaty in his clothes plus ruining his makeup. The guy had an impression to make.
But it didn’t matter at the end whether he arrived late or not. As he got inside the auditorium, there were around fifty students sitting inside, and no signs of the professor just yet. He found an empty seat at the right end of the fourth row, almost in the middle of the class. It was a good seat to have an ample view of the whole class, close enough to hear the professor clearly but not enough to be and his literal face. It was also nearby both exits of the room, which was always great in case of emergencies.
He sat in a suspiciously stained blue chair besides a young short-haired blonde woman. “Hah, I guess that morning jog was all for nothing” he said half-heartedly as he put down his black messenger bag and took out his laptop. The folding table was not even wide enough to fit the whole thing. Seriously, who was the genius that designed these rooms? He needed to give them a piece of his mind.
The woman besides him scoffed lightly. “Tell me about it. I had to wake up early to come here and this old fart hasn’t deigned to show up.”
Stanley looked at her with an arched eyebrow. “Girl, it’s eleven A.M.”
She laughed at that. “Well, exactly! It’s criminal to make anyone wake-up before 1 P.M!”
“I bet you didn’t have a good time in high school, then.”
She shook her head with an exaggerated sigh. “Shhh, don’t ever mention such hideous place ever again. I still have nightmares about it.”
At that, he simply snorted.
“I’m Charlotte, btw.”
“Stanley.”
“You from Texas, right?”
“Ugh, is the accent so obvious?” As a man who had never left Texas just yet, he had never been self-conscious about his accent. There weren’t many opportunities to meet many people from out-of-state in the small town he used to live. It was until he moved to Houston that he was finally exposed to the so great diversity of the United States.
“You might as well be wearing a cowboy hat.” Charlotte said with an extremely inaccurate and over-exaggerated southern accent, and he couldn’t help but laugh. He was sure that that was exactly how he sounded like to anyone from another state or country.
“And what about you, valley girl? Is that outfit from lululemon?”
Charlotte was in fact, wearing a lululemon outfit. “Oh my God, don’t be like that. I’m trying to get rid of the accent, but like, I literally grew up in L.A., so it’s super hard.”
“Yeah, like, that totallyyy makes sense.” Now it was Stanley’s turn to make an exaggerated Valley Girl accent.
“God, you’re so annoying!” Charlotte said as she rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t hide her smile.
Stanley sighed. Great, he made a friend in class, even if she was a Valley Girl. Though he knew students hardly sticked around the same people they met in the first weeks, he had to start meeting people anyways. Even if it was annoying, tiring, and he would have a hundred times preferred to remain silent the whole semester. At least Charlotte seemed like a nice girl. Your exact stereotype of an American girl, sure, but a nice girl, nonetheless.
“I like your makeup, btw. Is that mascara?”
“Oh, no. My eyelashes are like that, but I did some eyeliner.”
“Ugh, I’m so jealous. They’re so pretty! Why do guys always have long eyelashes? I’m stuck with wearing extensions.”
“Well, we produce more testosterone.”
“So?”
“It stimulates hair growth.”
“Wow, very smart, shouldn’t you be taking advanced chemistry instead?” she joked.
“I think that’s biology. And you learn that in high school.”
“Mm, I wouldn’t know. I bullshited my way through school, tbh.”
“Well, same”. He replied with a small chuckle.
“Sorry guys to interrupt your so very pleasant conversation!” the girl next to Charlotte joined in. From her mocking tone and the familiarity she spoke with, he assumed she was Charlotte’s friend. “But I was wondering if you guys already did the pre-test?”
Charlotte gave her an annoyed look. “Aren’t we supposed to do that in the first day after the professors instructs it?”
The other girl looked shorter than Charlotte and had a beautiful short strawberry-blond hair adorned with star clips. She was wearing a short, pink dress and a soft layer of makeup. “I mean, it depends! In one of my classes the professor told us to have the pre-test done before the first lecture, and in one of my others, they asked us to wait and do it in class. But this professor hasn’t said anything! Not even a welcome e-mail like the other professors!”
“Right, I noticed that I received e-mails from all my profs but him.” Added Stanley.
“And isn’t that so inconsiderate? There’s also no information of him at all in the bio section of the school’s platform. I couldn’t find him in rate my professor either!”
“Why on Earth would you want to read what a boring old man has to say about his life? What, looking for a husband already?”
“Ugh, stop! I simply want to be informed about my professors so I can mentally prepare myself for the semester. Also, why do you keep calling him an old man? Do you know him, perhaps?”
“Of course not, but didn’t he have ‘Dr’ in his name? You’d have to be at least thirty to get a doctorate!”
“First of all, that’s not true! My father got his PhD at twenty-six. And! Thirty is not old at all.”
“Um, yes it is. At least if you just turned eighteen, just like us. I know you like older men, but that’s not good for you.”
“I never said I like old guys! I said mature! Mature! It’s a big difference! Ask your friend, he’ll agree with me.”
Stanley mindlessly listened as the two girls bickered between them. He was already tired and wanted to go home. He hated being part of such mindless conversations, even if only by listening. And no, he wasn’t a pretentious prick who considered himself above ‘mundane’ topics. Stanley simply didn’t care. Couldn’t care less about all of it. And God knows how hard it is to feign interest in a topic you don’t care about.
Their conversation halted as the big door of the auditorium was opened with a loud ‘thud’, and immediately someone came in. From the position he was in, Stanley could only see his back, yet he was immediately entranced.
The man was shorter than him for at least half a head and very thin, yet the way he walked in, with such confidence and secure steps, made Stanley feel as if he owned the world. He wore an impeccable black suit, fitting his lean body shape perfectly as if it was custom made, not a single crease or wrinkle in sight. For a moment, the crips tap of his steps was the only sound in the whole room. It was as if the world had stopped just for him.
“I apologize, the line at Starbucks was ridiculously long. Also, dear students, don’t buy at Starbucks if you can avoid it. These big corporations are ruining our planet. Though it’s kind of hypocrite to say such things with their cup in my hand.” The man made his way through the desk in the middle of the room, placing a bag over it and the steaming cup of coffee. As he turned around, Stanley’s heart raced even faster. “I’ll make sure to fix my coffee machine before next class to set a better example.” He said with a rich, deep voice that could be heard clearly in the big room, and that made Stanley feel things he shouldn’t be feeling for his professor.
Under his suit he wore a white shirt with a purple tie the same tone as Stanley’s favorite lipstick. He looked young, extremely young, and despite that his hair was white as snow, perfectly combed back to show a wide forehead. Yet his face proportions were complemented with a pair of thick white eyebrows.
He wasn’t an albino, Stanley noted, as his skin was not that fair, and his eyelashes and eyes were both dark.
Right, his eyes. It was the man’s eyes that sent shivers down his spine. Even if he was not close enough to see them in detail, the man’s eyes were so dark that Stanley felt they could look deeply into his soul, even among many other students.
He had the most beautiful, profound, and expressive eyes Stanley had ever seen.
There was only one word that could ever attempt to describe this man in his entireness.
Elegant.
The man looked around the class with a curious gaze, leaning back into the desk, he softly whistled. “A full class? This guys from registry are a mouthpiece. Science is a topic better absorbed in smaller environments, but well, we do what we can with what we have. Will someone be so kind as to remind me what course is this?” The man looked at the students expectantly, as if he really had no idea of what class he had just walked in. Stanley believed that was the case.
“Who the fuck is that dude?” Charlotte whispered.
“The professor?” proposed her friend.
“Nah, you’re crazy. Dude looks younger than you.”
A student from the front spoke. “This is General Chemistry.”
The man sighed. “For real? Why would they give me General Chemistry of all courses? I swear, these people… All right, we should be getting started. I assume everyone has read the syllabus already. Yes, you have a question?” he said as another student raised her hand.
“Um, excuse me. Some of us are wondering, what happened to the professor? You’re the TA, right? Will he be joining us later?”
“Oh, dear. I’m the professor of this class.”
Immediately all the students looked at each other, even more confused. The professor was still innocently looking at his class. “I see some displeased faces. Is something the matter?”
There was a silence in the class for a while, until a braver student finally said what apparently was in the mind of the majority there. “Well, no offense, but most of us signed up to this class because it was going to be taught by Dr. Wingfield. He has done research for NASA, and we were hoping to gain meaningful insight from him. So yeah, if he’s not gonna be teaching this class, then I’ll be excusing myself.”
“Oh.” The man looked slightly confused before speaking. “But that’s me? I’m Dr. Xeno Houston Wingfield. Don’t call me Dr. Wingfield, though. That reminds me of my father.” He replied, slowly shaking his head, and the class was even more confused.
“Huh? You’re Dr. Wingfield? But you look so young!” said Charlotte’s friend for the whole class to hear. Charlotte softly slapped her arm. “Luna, that’s rude!”
“Oh, I get that a lot.” Replied the doctor with an unfazed look. “All right, I don’t enjoy giving out personal information, but I’ll make an exception so everybody here can have some peace of mind. As I said, my name is Xeno Houston Wingfield, and I have a degree in Aerospace Engineering and Astronomy. I also have a Master’s in Astrophysics and another in Biochemistry. Last year, I got my PhD in Theoretical Astrophysics and I’m currently pursuing another PhD in Chemical and Biomolecular Engineering here at this university. So, technically, I’m not really a professor. I’m teaching a few classes as a work-study and in exchange the university is funding part of my research. I was confused at first, though, because the other courses I’m teaching are quantum mechanics and planetary astronomy. But well, it seems the university really wanted a good chemistry professor for you, guys! Now, I know everybody wants to know my age, so let’s say I’ll soon be starting my twenties. So exciting! I hope everyone’s doubts were cleared out, then, shall we start our class? Please open the attached document of the syllabus and we’ll briefly go over it.”
Stanley hardly heard a word of what the doctor said next. It’s not that he didn’t care about chemistry or how the class would be implemented, but he simply was more concerned with the way Xeno gracefully moved around the class, opening his arms as he explained a topic with such passion and energy, or how his dark eyes glistened as he spoke of what he cared about.
And he watched those pink, plump lips, as he couldn’t help but wonder how soft they’d feel if…
“Are you with me?” as Stanley came back from his daydreaming, he found the subject of such dream right in front of him. Stanley had completed underestimated Xeno’s eyes.
He saw the whole universe in those eyes. Clusters of stars, galaxies, and light, and yet they were so black as how he could only imagine a black hole. Those eyes, that sucked the life out of him, as he saw a bottomless abyss inside of them.
And the abyss looked back to him.
“I’m sorry” he said softly. “I was a little mesmerized with your lecture.”
Xeno didn’t even blink at his poor attempt of compliment, though he was only being truthful. “I was going around the class to listen to different insights about science. So, I’ll ask you the same question, Mr…?”
“Stanley.”
“Mr. Stanley, tell me, what do you think that science is?”
He pondered his answer for a bit. “I like cigs. A lot. Though I have no idea of how exactly they are made. Sure, from tobacco plants. But the whole process behind is a mystery to me, and I probably don’t care enough to research it. It’s a commodity that I have always taken for granted. Yet sometimes I think how thousands of years ago, some people found tobacco leaves and simply decided to chew them. Isn’t that crazy? Who knows how many people died chewing deadly poisonous plants before? It was through trial and error that people found out what could be chewed and what not. And through time and experimentation they ended up realizing they could smoke it. And I think, those people must have been very fucking curious and bored to ever attempt such a thing. But look at me now, centuries later, everyday one step closer to lung cancer. All thanks to people that were curious and had the guts to experiment with what they didn’t understand. So, yeah, that’s what I think science is.”
It was just until he closed his mouth that he became painfully aware that he just did a small monologue in the middle of class. The doctor was probably expecting short, concise, and technical answers. He just made a fool of himself, right? “Sorry, that must have been a kinda silly answer.”
“There are no ‘silly’ answers, Mr. Stanley” Xeno replied immediately with that stern voice of his. “Uninformed? Yes. But that wasn’t your case. I actually think your response was insightful. It is very easy to get lost in technicalities and the intricacies of modern-day science, and people often forget that in its most primal core, it comes from a desire of understanding the unknown.”
Xeno strolled back into the middle of the class. “I truly enjoyed all your answers. Everybody seems to have a more or less accurate understanding of how science works. But allow me to also provide my grain of sand.”
Xeno again sat over his desk and looked around the classroom. Stanley felt as though he was seeing everyone and nobody at the same time. “Science is power.”
Even from his seat, Stanley saw how Xeno’s eyes lit up like the night sky. “People are usually intimidated by the notion of power. They believe it is inherently a bad thing. Power is neither good nor bad, but rather a tool that allows you to act upon good or evil. It is us, the people, who decide what we do with such power. It was due to the achievements of a great man that we have a more advanced understanding of how space and time are relative to each other. Because of his achievements scientific research has advanced at speeds never seen before. Such advancements have saved countless lives to our present day. However, it was the greatness of his mind what other people used to create the atomic bomb. We all know who these gentlemen were, and how they changed our lives and history. Science is that power. To do either good or bad, within the hands of those with clever minds.”
After his words, silence reverberated in the classroom.
“But alas, this is not a course on the ethics of science. Just a friendly discussion to get to know each other better, though this will be the last time we will discuss such topics. The university does not appreciate it. Our time is over, but please make sure you add the syllabus’ dates in your calendars and read the material I’ll attach before next class. That’s all I have for today, you’re free to go.” And with that, Xeno took his things and left, leaving behind, albeit unknowingly, a sea of stirred emotions in Stanley.