Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Charlie sat on the couch in his flat, a glass of wine in one hand and his phone in the other. Tao and Elle, his best friends since school, were with him, arguing about dating apps and Charlie’s love life, which was absolutely none of their business as Charlie reminded them once again. Charlie's finger swiped through profiles until his heart skipped a beat when he spotted a familiar face.

"Guys, you won't believe who is on this app!" Charlie yelled. He turned his phone around to show Tao and Elle the profile of Nick Nelson, his schoolboy crush. Elle squealed loudly and

Tao leaned in, his eyes widening in recognition. "No way! That's Nick Nelson? He's on this dating app? Isn’t this only for people interested in men?" Tao's tone was skeptical. "I mean, I'm not sure he's into guys, Charlie. You sure you want to go there?"

Elle, ever the voice of reason and support, rolled her eyes at Tao. "That's a dumb thing to say, Tao. If he is on that app, he clearly is interested in men. It says right there on his profile that he is bisexual.”

“He was the straightest straight guy to ever straight in school! He dated that girl, Imogen, remember?”

“Just because he didn't come out in school doesn't mean he's not bi. People evolve, you know." Elle scoffed. She turned to Charlie, her expression encouraging. "You should totally match with him, Charlie. Maybe this is fate!"

Charlie bit his lip, his mind racing with memories of their school days. "I don't know, guys. What if he doesn't remember me? Or what if he does and thinks I'm just the gay kid that went to the same school. We were not really friends, you know.”

Tao shrugged. "I still think he is way too… laddy for you. But you do you."

Elle nudged Charlie playfully. "Live a little, Charlie! What's the worst that could happen?”

Charlie took a deep breath, his heart fluttering with a mixture of excitement and fear. He looked at Nick's profile one more time, his finger hovering over the match button. "You're right. I'll do it."

With a swift tap, Charlie matched with Nick Nelson, his heart stopping for a moment as the app confirmed the connection. The room fell silent for a moment before Tao and Elle erupted in cheers, their support unwavering, even Tao’s. 

"To new beginnings!" Elle toasted, clinking her glass with Charlie's.

…

Charlie stood in front of the mirror, nervously adjusting his collar. He was meeting Nick at a cosy café, a place known for its relaxed atmosphere. Charlie had chosen the place, because it was familiar and he could only drink coffee, if eating would feel too daunting.

As Charlie entered the café, he immediately spotted Nick sitting at a table by the window, looking outside, smiling at a cute dog passing by. Charlie took a moment to appreciate how handsome Nick looked, his hair slightly disheveled in a cute way. Nick looked like he had probably put on more muscle after the last time Charlie had seen him. Nick looked up and their eyes met, a shy smile spreading across Nick's face.

"Charlie!" Nick said softly, standing up to greet him. He had grown taller as well and Charlie felt a sudden urge to climb him like a tree.  "It's been a while." Nick’s voice sounded deeper than it had been and Charlie wanted to swoon, but settled to smiling back at Nick.

“You look great, Nick." Charlie exclaimed boldly and Nick blushed sweetly.

“So do you, Charlie.”

They sat down and Charlie noticed Nick how fidgeted with his tea cup, clearly nervous. Somehow it felt surprising, since Charlie never expected Nick to be the more nervous one. 

 "So, how have you been? What have you been up to?" Nick asked, his voice full of genuine interest. Charlie launched into a summary of his life and his current job in a publishing company. Nick paid close attention to everything Charlie said, nodding along and asking questions, urging Charlie to continue talking. Soon Charlie realised he had babbled about himself for almost an hour non-stop.

"What about you? I remember Tara mentioning you're a teacher and a rugby coach, right?" Charlie asked, trying to steer the conversation towards Nick.

Nick blushed slightly, looking down at his tea. "Yeah, I teach at a local primary school and coach junior rugby on the weekends. It's very rewarding, but it can be tough sometimes."

"That's amazing, Nick. I can't imagine how patient you must be, dealing with little kids all day." Charlie laughed lightly.

Nick shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, they are very energetic, but I like them. Anyway, enough about me, I want to hear more about you."

Charlie was a bit taken aback by Nick's quick request to continue talking about Charlie. "Well, like I said, I work for a publishing house now and I really like it. I mean it’s very stressful sometimes and I always thought I’d want to do editing, but marketing really feels like my field. I want people to know about the books we make.”

"That sounds incredible. I've always admired people who are passionate about what they do." 

Charlie thought that he hadn’t had such a sweet ego boost in ages and almost giggled with happiness. However as they talked further, Charlie noticed Nick's tendency to put himself down. Whenever Charlie complimented him, Nick would brush it off with a self-deprecating remark. It made Charlie wonder what had happened to the confident golden retriever of a boy Nick had once been. 

"Can I see you again, Nick?" Charlie asked, when they were saying goodbyes.

Nick looked genuinely surprised by Charlie’s question, like he didn’t expect Charlie to want a second date. Had Charlie read the signals completely wrong? Had he bored Nick out of his mind? But then a shy smile spread across Nick’s face and his voice was low and warm when he said:

"I'd like that, Charlie. I'd like that a lot."

Chapter Text

Dating Nick was wonderful. He was sweet and considerate. He didn’t even bat an eyelid, when Charlie told him that although his eating disorder was well managed, he sometimes had bad days. Nick simply asked how he could make the bad days easier for Charlie. Nick was more than generous in bed, he acted like his ultimate goal was to give Charlie pleasure. Nick showered Charlie with compliments every time they saw and never failed to send a good night -message. He was everything Charlie had ever dreamed and Charlie thought his friends should also finally hear that he had hit the jackpot.

Tara and Darcy had invited Charlie and some other friends for a relaxed wine-and-boardgames-night, which was quickly starting to look like mostly-wine-night. When there was a little pause in the lively conversation and Charlie decided to take advantage of it.

"Guys, I've got some news," Charlie announced, smiling widely.

Elle's eyes widened with curiosity. "Oh yeah? What's up?" 

Charlie took a sip of his wine before continuing. "I've started dating someone new."

Elle grinned, already guessing what Charlie was about to tell them. 

"That's amazing, Charlie! Who is it?" Tara asked excitedly. 

Charlie's smile grew wider. "It's Nick.”

“Nick? You mean Nick Nelson?” Tara yelled, eyes wide with surprise. “How did that happen?

“Uh… you didn’t really start dating that brainless rugby lad, did you?” Tao groaned.

Charlie's expression darkened and he sat up straighter in his chair. "Fuck you, Tao! He's not brainless. Nick is really sweet and nice."

Tao scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Come on, Charlie. The guy was all muscles and no brains. He couldn't even string a sentence together without sounding like a caveman."

“C’mon Tao, don’t be an asshole." Elle said sharply. 

Charlie's voice was firm when he said: "Nick amazing. He's kind, he's thoughtful, and he's really good with kids. He's a rugby coach now, and he loves his job. He's not just some dumb jock."

Isaac, who had been quiet until now, spoke up. "I mean, I always thought Nick was a decent guy. He was always friendly. I think you are judging him too harshly, Tao."

Darcy nodded in agreement. "Yeah and Nick is Tara’s friend.” Tara nodded along and

reached across the table, squeezing Charlie's hand. "Nick is a lovely guy and I’m happy for you."

Charlie's expression softened and he smiled at his friends. "Nick really is special, I can feel it. He makes me happy."

Tao sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Alright, alright. I'll give the guy a chance. But if he hurts you, Charlie, I swear—"

Charlie cut him off with a laugh. "I know, Tao. You'll kick his ass. But he won't. He's a good guy."

The conversation shifted to other topics, but Charlie's mind remained on Nick. He knew Tao meant well, even if he was so overprotective it made him kind of an asshole. But Charlie hoped Tao could see  that Nick was more than just the stereotype they had labeled him with in school. He was kind, he was thoughtful and he was the man Charlie was quickly falling in love with.

…

One day Charlie ran into Nick, who was just leaving a florist with a lovely, bright bouquet of sunflowers.

“Oh hi, Charlie!” Nick said and looked oddly embarrassed. 

“Hey there, babe!” Charlie gave a quick kiss to Nick’s cheek. “Who are you buying flowers for?” He asked playfully, which made Nick turn pale.

“I… I bought them… to myself. Not any girl. I know it’s not… um masculine, but I kinda… like flowers…” Nick clutched the flowers, almost like he was afraid Charlie would snatch them away. Nick’s breathing quickened and Charlie realised Nick was very quickly falling into complete panic mode. 

 "Hey hey hey, calm down, Nick! I’m sorry, I was only teasing, I didn’t accuse you of anything. And you can like flowers all you want. I like them too.”

“I… I just… not manly.” Nick mumbled between his laboured breathing. 

“Please just breathe, baby. Everything is okay.” Charlie steered Nick away from the florist and to a tiny park nearby. He helped Nick to sit down and offered him some water.

“I honestly have no idea what’s going on, but I’m sorry if I made you think I wouldn’t approve of you buying flowers.

"But I thought... I thought you wanted someone... manly."

"I want you, Nick. The real you. And who says manly men can’t like flowers? Not me." Charlie smiled gently.

Nick felt a weight lift off his shoulders. He took a deep breath, looking into Charlie's eyes. "I'm sorry, Charlie. It was silly of me to freak out about this.”

Charlie squeezed his hand. "It's okay, Nick. I just hope I haven’t done anything to make you think I’m into some toxic masculinity stuff.”

“No, of course not! You are way too smart for that.” Nick hurriedly assured.

Charlie smiled happily, but the uneasy feeling in his stomach kept growing. Why did Nick freak out about flowers so badly? Why was he so scared of not being “manly enough”?

…

Charlie almost ran through the park, his heart light and his steps springy. He had been looking forward to seeing Nick all day and as he rounded a large tree, he saw Nick standing beside a fountain, where they had agreed to meet up. Nick smiled warmly and before Charlie could even react, Nick had enveloped him in a tight hug, his strong arms wrapping around Charlie's waist. He nuzzled his face against Charlie’s curls and inhaled deeply, like he was trying to breathe Charlie in. 

Charlie laughed, hugging him back.

"Well, aren't you a clingy one." Charlie said, teasingly. He meant nothing by it, truly. He loved how open Nick was with his affections, how unashamed he was to show his feelings. But Nick pulled away, his smile fading.

"Sorry." Nick muttered, looking down at the ground. "I didn't mean to... I just missed you."

Charlie's heart skipped a beat uncomfortably. He reached up, cupping Nick's cheek. "Hey, it's okay. I was just teasing. I missed you too."

Nick looked up, his eyes searching Charlie's face.

"You did?"

Charlie nodded, smiling. "Of course. Now come on, let's go get some dinner."

They had a lovely date, like they always had. Charlie was nice to Nick as usual, but Charlie's words echoed in Nick’s mind, constantly reminding Nick of being clingy in a relationship once again. He was always too clingy, too needy. He didn't want to smother Charlie, didn't want to drive him away. So Nick stopped calling, stopped texting, giving Charlie the space he was convinced Charlie needed and wanted. 

Charlie, on the other hand, was confused and hurt. He had been looking forward to hearing from Nick, to seeing him. Usually they texted daily and saw each other as often as possible. But suddenly Nick just stopped texting. Charlie thought about calling Nick, but when he asked Tao what he should do, Tao said that Nick had probably ghosted him and Charlie shouldn’t go and break his heart more than he had already done. Could that really be, had Nick ghosted him? Just like that.

Chapter Text

After what felt like an eternity, Charlie decided he had had enough. He marched over to Nick's apartment, his heart pounding with anger. He knocked on the door way too loudly, but he was beyond pissed off now and didn’t care.

Nick answered the door, his eyes red and puffy and his hair was a complete mess. He looked miserable and Charlie was taken aback. "Nick? What's going on? Why did you ghost me?"

Nick looked at him, his eyes filled with tears. "Ghosted you? No… never. I thought... I thought you didn't want to see me. I thought I was too clingy, too needy. I didn't want to smother you, Charlie. I didn't want to drive you away. I waited for you to reach out, when you wanted me again. But.. you never called." Nick almost sobbed. 

Charlie's heart ached for him. He stepped forward, taking Nick's hand. "Nick, hey, I think there has been a huge misunderstanding here. I love that you're open with your affections. I love that you're not afraid to show your feelings. I was just teasing, Nick. I didn't mean anything by it. And, well I expected you to call."

Nick looked at him, hope shining in his eyes. "Really?"

Charlie nodded, smiling. "Really. I've been so worried about you, Nick. I thought you had ghosted me. I thought I had done something wrong."

Nick shook his head, pulling Charlie into a tight hug. "No, Charlie. You did nothing wrong. It was all me. I'm so sorry."

Charlie hugged him back "It's okay, Nick. We'll talk about this, okay? We just need to communicate better."

Nick pulled away, looking down at Charlie. "I love you, Charlie. I'm so sorry I made you feel like I ghosted you."

Charlie smiled, reaching up to cup Nick's cheek. "I love you too, Nick."

"Why are we like this?" Nick chuckled wetly and Charlie joined him. It felt so much easier to breathe now that he was wrapped up in Nick's arms again.

…

The loud conversation filled Charlie's cosy apartment the second as he welcomed his friends inside. Tao, Elle, Isaac, Darcy, and Tara squeezed into the tiny entry hall and threw curious glances towards the living room, expecting Nick to be there.

“So where’s Nick?” Tao asked loudly. “Did he ghost you again?”

“Shut up, Tao. Nick never ghosted me, it was just a misunderstanding. He’ll be here any minute. I asked him to pick up some milk on the way.”

As the doorbell rang, Charlie's heart fluttered with a mixture of excitement and nerves. He opened the door to reveal Nick, standing there with a nervous smile and a bouquet of flowers in one hand and the milk jug in the other. "Hey, babe!" Charlie said, pulling Nick into a quick hug before stepping aside to let him in.

"Hello, everyone!" Nick greeted, his voice slightly shaky, when he took in all of Charlie's friends hovering behind Charlie's back. Nick handed the flowers and milk to Charlie, who accepted them with a grateful smile.

"Thank you, love. These are beautiful." Charlie said, a pleased blush spreading across his cheeks. He then turned to his friends. "Guys, this is Nick. Nick, these are my friends: Tao, Elle, Isaac and you know Tara and Darcy, right?"

Nick offered a friendly wave, his smile genuine but tinged with nervousness. "Nice to see you all, it has been ages."

Tao, raised an eyebrow but nodded in acknowledgment. "Nice to see you too, Nick."

Elle stepped forward with a warm smile. "It's so great to see you, Nick. Charlie never shuts up about you." She laughed and hugged Nick.

Nick's cheeks flushed slightly, when he heard that. "Thanks, Elle. Charlie's told me a lot about you guys too. I mean, I remember you all, but we… well you know."

Isaac clapped Nick on the shoulder, giving him a friendly pat. "Yeah, we know.” He chuckled. “So, Charlie says you're a teacher and a rugby coach."

Nick's nervousness seemed to ease a bit as he talked about his passion. "Yeah, I love it. Working with kids, teaching them, it's really rewarding."

Darcy chimed in, her eyes sparkling with interest. "I bet you have some great stories."

Nick laughed, his confidence growing. "Oh, definitely. Kids can be a handful, but it's worth it."

"So, Nick, what do you like to do in your free time? Besides rugby, I mean." Tao asked and Nick wondered how anyone could say the word rugby with so much disdain.

"Um.. I like hiking, reading and spending time with Charlie. We've been exploring a lot of new places together." Nick gave Charlie a look so sappy that Tao rolled his eyes. 

Elle's eyes softened instead as she looked at the couple. "Aren’t you two just the cutest!" She laughed. 

“No, they are absolutely disgusting.” Tao declared, which earned him a pillow to his face, courtesy of Charlie. Nick however instantly shrank in his place and before the teasing could continue he excused himself and forced himself to walk slowly, instead of running towards Charlie’s small kitchen. From there Tara found Nick a few minutes later, still clearly doing breathing exercises. 

“Hey Nick, are you okay?” She asked gently and hurriedly went to pour a glass of water for Nick. 

“Yeah, yeah… I’m fine.” Nick muttered shakily. “I know Tao was just teasing, but… I just… I just want to be with Charlie and if his best friends hate me and think I’m disgusting, he will surely leave me!” 

Tara stared at Nick, her friend from childhood, who had always been full of sweet and easy confidence. She didn’t recognise this version of Nick at all. 

“Nick, darling, nobody hates you. Not even Tao.” Tara said soothingly. “Anyone with eyes can see how much Charlie and you like each other.” 

Nick wanted to believe Tara. He really did. He loved Charlie so much, but he found it so very hard to believe Charlie could actually love him back. How could he? Nick had never been enough for his previous partners, so why would things be any different with Charlie?