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Penelope Featherington, throughout her life, had rarely experimented nerves.
Now, this wasn’t because she was so confident that very little fazed her. No, it was because she had been made to believe she should have no expectations, hence no need to feel nervous since she would always be found wanting in the face of her prospects. At home, neither of her parents paid her too much attention and when her mother did, it was because she wanted to point out something she deemed lacking or wrong with her. In social situations, like balls or promenades, if she wasn’t with Eloise or even when she was, most everyone seemed to barely register her presence.
So, no, Penelope Featherington wasn’t used to nerves because anticipation or dread were things reserved for people with projected wishes they thought possible, and she had never had those. She had hoped, of course, but disappointment was often what she had encountered so she had also taught herself to reign in her wants, her desires.
However, and to her dismay, telling herself she didn’t want something didn’t actually make her not want it. Although most of the time it was a simple affair to stop her want. A pointed jab from Prudence or a raised brow from her mother were usually enough to deter her. But out of all things she had successfully talked herself out of, knowing the futility of even entertaining the idea of it or because she knew she would end up the butt of the joke at home, the one thing she had never been able to extricate from both her heart and mind was… Colin Bridgerton.
God, how she wanted him.
While she could convince herself of not wanting another sticky sweet or from picking a dress with a different color or cut that wasn’t within her mother’s parameters of acceptable for her, Colin remained the exception. It wasn’t because she believed her chances of earning his heart or attracting his attention higher than with anything else, but simply because her infatuation had flourished and rooted in her heart before she was able to squash it. His smile had broken through the barriers around her and his laugh pummeled them until he made himself a nice little home inside her chest, in between her ribs.
And so, when she was introduced to Eloise, Penelope had been grateful. Keeping Colin at a distance would be a good thing. She would be able catch glimpses of him whenever she visited Bridgerton house but because of the differences in interests and opinions between boys and girls, she had been pretty sure nothing more than a greeting and a polite word would fill their acquaintance.
She had been wrong.
Even with Eloise in the middle or talking without letting anyone intervene in her tirades, Colin was always there. He would listen, make comments to rile his younger sister up and then share a conspiratorial glance with Penelope. His eyes would sparkle, the blue dancing as she couldn’t quite contain her smile at the silly faces he pulled and the pride she saw shining in his face before she had to glance the other way to prevent a giggle from escaping had her insides and cheeks warming every single time. Whenever he found her before Eloise, he made it a point to ask her about what she was reading, her opinion on one thing or another and he always gave her his undivided focus when she answered. The nerves that had always seemed so elusive, sprung to life and made her stomach jump and her heartbeat stutter whenever he was near.
Colin Bridgerton was, simply put, everything she dreamed about and everything she had always been told she would never be able to have. So, she contented herself with little moments in which his gaze was directed at her. She told herself that it was enough, more than, to be his friend, to form part of his life in this way, that sighing his name before she went to sleep was okay because he would never know and he didn’t owe her more. He had been made for someone just as bright as him, who wouldn’t wilt under the stare of the ton and who would hold his heart in just as high regard as he undoubtably would.
Which was why she couldn’t let Marina get away with it.
Penelope bit her lip while she reaccommodated herself in her chair. When she had pointed her cousin’s plight with an old lord to Colin, the last thing she had thought would happen was for him to become smitten and yet that had been exactly what had happened. She had been unable to do anything as Marina’s sweet voice won Colin over, as his eyes sought her in the following balls, Penelope’s heart breaking a little more every time she saw them dance together.
She may have been able to let it go, observing from the sidelines as she always did, had Marina not made it clear she wanted Colin, not for himself, but for the security his last name and money offered to the children growing inside her. There were many things Penelope didn’t understand about the world and society as a whole but one she was very clear on was the shame associated with a cuckold. The idea of Colin, the most romantic of his siblings bar Daphne, a man who revered his parents’ love and spoke so fondly of a future shared with someone who’s companionship would fill his days, married to someone who would never be able to offer anything more than tolerance had something sour and acrid burning in her mouth.
Her distaste and hatred had only intensified as she found Marina’s letters to one Sir George Crane. How could she play with Colin’s heart? How dare she try to make a fool out of someone who only ever sought to help, who had had nothing but the purest of intentions when he approached her at the ball to save her from the old lord? How in the devil’s name was Portia supporting the falsehood of a courtship that Marina was weaving? What gave her the right? Why could Marina do it and not her?
That last thought gave her pause, the cogs in her mind turning as her front teeth dug almost painfully into her bottom lip. Truly… If Marina could attempt to entrap Colin, then... why couldn’t Penelope do the same?
Penelope soothed her lip with her tongue as she reasoned with herself. She wouldn’t be entrapping Colin per se, she would be saving him! She couldn’t be put in the same category as Marina because she actually loved Colin, their marriage would be different. Granted, Colin didn’t love her and this was not the way he probably would’ve wanted for it to go but, at the very least, he would enter a union with someone who appreciated him for him, who saw him for the compassionate and kind man he was and wanted him, not because of his standing or what he could provide, but because he was simply that lovely. Maybe he wouldn’t be getting the love story he had always spoken so longingly of, but Penelope was sure that marriage to her, in retrospective, would be a far more desirable outcome than one to Marina.
With her mind made up, Penelope knew she had to get to work. The engagement dinner had been set for nine days from now, which gave her little under a week to get Colin before Marina did. She stood up from her place at her desk and walked over to her full-body mirror. She wrapped a finger around a tightly coiled curl near her temple and frowned while her hands slowly made their way over her higher-than-average neckline and over the green butterfly motifs that covered the entirety of her gaudy yellow day dress.
She had always hated the color as well as her mother’s penchant for extravagant accessories. She was a constant clash of shades and textures from head to toe and even if she had learned to live with it, she resented it now more than ever. This wouldn’t do. Not once before had she been able to attract Colin’s notice and she doubted her attempt now would result much different if she were to try while looking as she always did. She needed to temp him, to, even if for a few moments, have him see her as someone... desirable.
Penelope wasn’t too sure about how to do that but she had seen the way some gentlemen looked when they talked about their rowdy conquests. When they described the women that had proved too much for decorum to stop them. Of how they had spoken, fluttered their lashes, attracted notice. How the ones they hired dressed, what they left on display that a lady of standing would never dare. She needed that and nothing in her closet would get her even close to it.
Knowing that assistance couldn’t be avoided, she decidedly turned from the mirror and rung for Rae. Gentle tapping was heard on her door before it swung open a few moments later.
“You called for me, miss?” Rae’s gentle voice filled her room.
“Yes, I wish to go buy some ink, please let my mother know. Tell her I don’t require any allowance; I got what was left from our last outing. Just us and carriage should suffice.” Penelope spoke just as softly back and smiled gently.
“Of course, miss. I’ll be right back.” Rae nodded and curtsied before leaving in search of her mother.
Penelope sighed; she would need Rae’s discretion and silence, for more than just this first step, if things were to proceed as she wished them to but that could wait a little longer. First, she needed to go to the modiste.
-
While she had anticipated resistance from her mother, she had let her go without a fuss although the reason had made her gut churn. Rae had returned soon after with a piece of paper in which her mother had written with instructions for Madame Delacroix regarding Marina’s dress for the engagement dinner. Portia wasn’t someone who spent lightly, if she was going so far as to paying for Marina’s newest wardrobe, that meant she was confident in the match going through, she wholeheartedly trusted in the success of Marina’s scheme.
Penelope took the piece of paper and had to resist the urge to crumple it into her coin purse along with the money her mother had given Rae for her as a “thank you” for taking care of the errand. Even as she wished for nothing more than fire for the missive, she took it as a sign. She was getting to go where she had wanted and wouldn’t even have to think of some excuse to get there after she feigned interest in the inks and parchments.
The trip downtown didn’t take that long and she made just enough of a show in the ink shop so that in under an hour they were walking to the modiste; Rae stayed outside while Penelope went in. It was uncharacteristically empty, but Penelope was more than happy with her good luck. The conversation she was about to have was not one she would want prying ears nearby.
“Penelope!” Gen’s voice was surprised but pleased. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Her signature smirk in place.
Penelope smiled tightly, her stomach tying itself into knots.
“Are you okay?” The older woman’s expression had slipped from playful to concern as Penelope continued to not speak. “Did something happen with...?” Penelope’s eyes widened at the implication and she quickly shook her head.
“No! No, it’s not... everything’s fine with... that.” Even if they were alone, she could never be too careful when talking about her pen name. Whistledown was too important and she’d just started out, she couldn’t risk somebody being at the wrong place and time listening in on her. “It’s… I…” The knot was back in her throat and Gen’s curious eyes were not helping. She closed her eyes for a second and gulped before trying again. “Colin… I… I can’t… He can’t marry Marina!”
“Okay…?” The modiste’s expression was no less confused than it had been before and Penelope was getting more than a little frustrated at herself. She looked up and took another fortifying breath. She needed to be clear; she needed Gen’s help and she wouldn’t get it if she couldn’t say it. She decided on a different approach since she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to be as direct as she wanted.
“I need a new nightgown.” That was a start and she could see understanding stating to creep into Gen’s eyes. “Something… something most would reserve for…” She felt her tongue starting to trip over itself but she pushed against it. “… something for when one wants to… to entice…”
“Oh!” Penelope would forever be grateful for the human kind’s ability of intuition. Dark brown eyes sparkled with mischief. “Oh, my, Penelope.” The smirk Gen gave her had her face feeling warmer. The older woman, sensing her embarrassment, just giggled a little before her face turned softer. “Did you have a color in mind?” Penelope internally sighed in relief.
“Blue?” She said more like a question than an answer.
“Hmmm… Bridgerton blue?”
“Gen!” Penelope couldn’t help but bury her face in her hands. She wanted to disappear.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Gen snickered for a bit but then Penelope felt her hands on her arms trying to move them away from her face. “For when do you need it?” She winced.
“Sunday at the latest, I have a sleep-over with Eloise on Monday.” The clock was ticking and her time was running out. It was already Tuesday. “Do you think you can have something for me by then?” Gen gave her an affronted look.
“If I can?” She scoffed. “Love, it’s already halfway done. Just send someone on Friday and I’ll have it all wrapped up for you.” Penelope could breathe a little easier. “I’ll make sure it’s descreet.”
“Thank you, Gen, truly.” She had been worried about Gen refusing to help so having the assurance that she was on her side was a weight off her shoulders. “I’ll pay you double, of course.”
“You’ve always been my favorite for a reason.” Gen smiled genially but Penelope’s own fell.
“I was also given this.” She took out her mother’s message. “For Marina.” Gen was silent for a moment while she scanned the writing.
“I gather the idea to… entice… was not your own?”
“No.” Penelope could feel tears prickling her eyes. “No, it was not.” She forced herself to hold Gen’s gaze. “But I can’t let her do that to him. He… he!” He’s mine, she thought, but didn’t say it because he wasn’t, no matter how much she wished he was. Instead, she focused on Marina’s less than honorable intentions. “She just wants him because of what his name can give her. She… She sees him as something to be… to be used! She doesn’t love him!” Indignation made her voice squeaky, her breath shaky.
“And you do?” Trust Gen to cut to the heart of the matter.
“I do.” She didn’t want to deny it and doing so would’ve been a sign of bath faith. She trusted Gen. “I really, really do.” Her voice had gone quiet, resigned.
“Come now, that’s not a bad thing!” Penelope dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief Gen offered her. “It’s alright. If anything, he should be thanking the heavens he’s so dear to you, that you would go so far to ensure his name and his heart are in hands that will protect them.” Penelope wanted to argue but her reserve of courage was all used up and Gen wasn’t wrong. She was doing it for Colin. “You should go. I’m sure your lady’s maid is getting tired.” Penelope nodded.
“Friday?” She said again.
“Friday.” Gen answered. Penelope had just taken a few steps when she heard the older woman say. “And don’t forget about my wedding invitation.”
“Gen!”
Laughter followed her out the store but Penelope couldn’t help but feel a little lighter as she started making her way back home.
-
Days went by in a flash and Penlope had been barely able to stomach more than a few bites all throughout her wait. Time seemed to slow down but also sped up. Before she knew it, Monday came and she was bidding Eloise goodnight before she made her way to the room that would be her own until the day after the next. Her mama had agreed on letting her stay at Bridgerton house until before it was time for the engagement dinner which was why she was given a separate chamber as opposed to when she only stayed over for a day.
She had arrived for tea time and Violet had received her with a warm smile. Her bag had disappeared along with Rae to her room while she had a pleasant afternoon snack with the Bridgerton matriarch, Daphne and Eloise. Sadly, while most times she would be engrossed in the ladies’ conversation, she found herself barely able to comment or contribute much. Her mind a roiling mess. She knew what she had to do but the very real possibility of failure was proving to be quite a powerful deterrent.
“I hope Colin doesn’t let Benedict drink him under the table… or maybe he should, then we might not have to go through this ridiculous ordeal the airhead has roped us all into.” Eloise huffed and Violet immediately reprimanded her.
“Eloise! Don’t speak of your brother like that!” Violet’s eyes flashed but Penelope was able to see something shining in their depths.
“Eloise is right, mama, do you not think it strange how quickly things have progressed?” Daphne’s soft voice had Violet sighing softly.
“I cannot deny I would have preferred a longer courtship… that maybe he had looked somewhere more familiar.” The older woman had pinched the bridge of her nose and then looked, apparently unconsciously, in Penelope’s directions. Her eyes widened when she saw the red head’s eyes already on her. “That is not to say I think lowly of Miss Thompson. I just wish there was more of a friendship established between them before they go down the aisle.”
“Not everyone can be like you and father.” Eloise’s voice was bored and a tad annoyed.
“No, I suppose not, but friendship is the best foundation for love, Eloise.” Violet’s expression was pinched but she straightened and relaxed quickly, she was a viscountess after all. “But that is of no importance if Colin feels he has found his match.”
Penelope winced internally. She tried to take a bit of comfort from Violet’s words about her beliefs but every time anyone reiterated that this was Colin’s choice it made her want to throw up.
“But no matter, let us talk about something else. Have you received word from the duke, dear?” Daphne blushed slightly at that and the conversation rapidly moved on.
Nevertheless, Penelope couldn’t help but linger on Violet’s gaze moments before. Maybe Violet wouldn’t approve of what Penelope had planned but, if anything, at least Penelope fit more into what Violet wanted for her children. The thought comforted her somewhat and she also took the fact that Colin would be out drinking until late as a small win. It was no secret Mondays were the eldest Bridgerton’s favored day for drinking and dallying about with the second and third oldest but it was nice to have confirmation of things staying within expectation. The alcohol would act in her favor… hopefully Colin would be addled enough to make want surge despite the fact she was the farthest thing from what he found enticing.
Penelope gritted her teeth, pessimism swirling in her mind, although, even then, she realized she wouldn’t back down. Colin’s heart was at stake and she would never forgive herself if she let fall into the hands of someone who would never be able to appreciate it as it deserved.
-
The rest of the day seemed to drag on, each minute slower than the one before. Every time Penelope looked out the window, the sun seemed to still be at the same spot high up in the sky. It was funny because as much as she wanted for time to move, she was also invaded by nausea every time she thought about it. Nerves ate her up as she let Eloise talk her ear off after tea, as she tried and failed to read a bit before eating, as she was barely able to swallow while they all sat down for dinner.
“Penelope, dear, are you alright?” Violet’s concerned voice had noticed her wanning appetite and sported a worried frown.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Bridgerton, I’m feeling a bit under the weather. Would it be okay if I retired early?” She might as well play along since there wasn’t a chance of saying the truth.
“What?! Pen! Did you forget about the book I wanted to tell you about?” Eloise’s annoyed voice rang out and Penelope looked at her with a guilty expression.
“Eloise Bridgerton, she’s staying for two more days, you will have plenty of time with her later. You’re more than capable of amusing yourself until tomorrow morning.” Eloise slumped in her chair with a pout and Violet turned soft eyes to Penelope. “Of course you may retire, dear. I’ll have your lady’s maid bring you some calming tea to help you rest.” She smiled softly and Penelope felt her stomach turn once more.
“Thank you, that would be lovely.” She gave Violet a small smile before standing up. “If you’ll excuse me.”
She had made her escape as swiftly and inconspicuously as possible. Once she was behind the protective door of her room, she turned the lock and let herself fall onto the bed, hands on her face.
“Ugh!” She rolled over, letting her shoes fall before curling up. She stayed like that for a few minutes before once more turning on her back and staring at the ceiling. Not longer after, she heard a knock on her door.
“Miss?” Rae’s soft voice. “I have tea from Mrs. Bridgerton.”
Penelope sighed before standing up and going to open de door.
“Thank you, Rae. Coming in.” She moved aside and Rae quickly went over to the bedside table to pour a cup of tea. Penelope went to sit on the bed and took it once it was ready.
“I also wanted to ask…” Rae’s voice dipped and Penelope’s heart pounded. “Are you still sure about what you want to do, miss?” Penelope could see the concern on her face and that, weirdly, made her relax. At least she wasn’t the only anxious one.
“Yes.” She took a sip of her tea. The warmth also soothed her. “You may go but be sure to come back in about an hour. I need to get ready.”
“Yes, miss.” Rae inclined her head and made her way out of the room.
Penelope sighed; she was glad she had someone who was in this with her. She continued to sip on her tea while she tried to will her heart to not speed up as the reality of what she was about to do settled in her.
-
Penelope turned around as she entered Colin’s study.
“Remember, knock two times when you hear them come in.” She said lowly to Rae. After getting an understanding nod in response, she was left alone. Now, she waited. She tried to distract herself by reading one of the books on the table by the chaise lounge but her vision swam and the words floated on the page.
If she had thought the worst of it had been the days leading up to this, the hours that were ticking by had nothing on them. While a slight rumble had accompanied her, now her stomach churned and lurched making what little she had eaten feel rotten inside her. Her heart would pick up speed at the slightest of noises, even those made by the silk of her nightgown.
Gosh, her nightgown.
She ran a hand down her abdomen. The material was smooth and cool to the touch, the color a light blue that complimented her skin beautifully. As Rae had dug the parcel from the bottom of her bag and helped her into it, Penelope had held her breath and shut her eyes tightly. The softness that hugged her had made her gulp and when Rae had coaxed her into seeing herself a gasp had inevitably escaped.
Sloping curves were delicately accentuated, her bosom on full display by a rather scandalously low v-neckline and a whisper of a creamy thigh visible through the slit that reached about the mid of it. Rae had turned her around and assisted her in sitting by the vanity before getting to work. She had applied a light coating of rouge to her cheeks and lips, barely lined her eyes with black to accentuate her eyes, brushed her curls so that they fell loosely rather than coiled around her shoulders. The whole thing had taken no more than an hour but as she had confronted the mirror once more, breathlessness overtook her again.
She looked like herself. That was her round face, bright hair and blue eyes but, it was also true that the woman looking back at her looked nothing like herself either. Penelope looked pretty, felt it, which was a new feeling in and of itself. There had been instances before in which she had felt more comfortable than usual, maybe because her dress hadn’t been yellow or her updo had been done in a manner more to her liking. However, she hadn’t really ever felt anything more than adequate since beauty was not something anyone associated with her. But this, this person staring back through the mirror was definitely beautiful. Her skin glowed, her cheeks flushed just the right amount to make her look coy, the black on her eyes lending a sultry look to her gaze, her red lips looking as if they had been stained by wine or cherries. The nightgown cascading down her figure made her look even more unreal.
She had blinked a few times and the mirage had copied her and it wasn’t until Rae whispered “You look beautiful, miss”, that Penelope snapped out of her trance. She had turned from the reflection because she knew that she would never be able to part otherwise. She had put on a pair of comfortable slippers while Rae had draped a lighter, lace shawl across her shoulders to add to the illusion of modesty; another of Gen’s ideas to complete the outfit. It was late already, everyone at Bridgerton house except for the three eldest siblings sound asleep. She had no way of knowing how long Colin would take to come back but Rae would stand watch by the entrance and alert her once she heard them come in.
The plan from there was simple enough. Penelope would pretend to have been reading, would apologize while she tried to tempt Colin and Rae would stay close enough so that when Penelope managed to get close enough that the impropriety it of it all could not be denied she would run to fetch Violet and the eldest Bridgerton so that a union would be inevitable due to the incriminating circumstances. She was to make it seem like something was happening by the time their audience arrived which would be achieved by feigning to trip and fall into Colin’s arms. The thudding sound would tip Rae into looking for their witnesses.
Penelope was praying that Colin’s inebriated state would aid her in making things easier. She had received “advise” in the form of a small letter attached to the parcel Gen had sent and she would try but she wasn’t all that she would be able to pull it off. Just thinking about it made her face feel warm and putting them into practice seemed even more impossible, although if Colin fell for it…
Penelope slapped her cheeks.
Colin would fall for it. He had to. There was no way in God’s green Earth that Penelope would let him marry her conniving cousin, to find himself trapped in the web of lies her mother had concocted. Colin deserved someone kind, someone who loved him. Penelope was the one he made laugh and who made him laugh in turn, she was the one who listened and offered counsel, the one he confided to. Marina would never be able to understand him the way she did, love him the way she did. Marina wanted an illusion and Colin was the warmest reality and Penelope would be damned if she let her take what was hers, what had always been hers, what only she would ever be able to truly appreciate. Maybe Colin hadn’t been made for her but Penelope had been made for him and she would show him.
Knock, knock.
“Miss! They’ve arrived!” Rae’s urgent whisper reached her and the click of the door closing once more felt deafening.
Penelope quickly hugged the shawl to herself and then tried to adjust it to sit loosely around her arms. She crossed her legs at the ankles so that the slit made most of her calf visible and she was just about to open the book she had let abandoned beside her when the door opened. A rather genuine gasp left her and confused dark blue eyes blinked back at her.
“Pen?” Colin’s tone was confused but she couldn’t help but note how his eyes had dropped to her lower half even as her heart seemed to want to beat its way out of her chest. He didn’t look as rumpled as she thought he might. He had no cravat on and his hair was a bit wind swept but not much else could be said to be out of place.
“Colin!” Penelope jumped from her sitting position. The sudden movement surprised Colin, whose eyes snapped to her face. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep and I thought reading might help.” She hugged the book to her chest, remembering Gen’s suggestions on how to direct a man’s attention to where she wanted it, and she felt as the fabric of one of her sleeves slid a little on her shoulder, her shawl loose around her elbows. She fought against the urge to place it back, she needed skin to show, to tempt, and if things happened organically, it made it easier than trying to feign them.
“I…” Words seemed to fail Colin as his gaze traveled over the side of her face and then lower. Penelope had to restrain herself from letting her eyes drop to where his were going. She knew her bosom was bigger than most girls, something her mother often tried to hide by rising her neckline, but Gen told her it was something that she would need on display if she was to seduce Colin successfully. She saw as he took her in, stare seemingly glued to her front before he inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them again, there seemed to be a strange light in them and the air seemed to shift as he gave her a lazy smile. “Were you able to find something interesting here?” His hands went behind his back and he closed the door by leaning on it.
“Y-yes, you’ve always kept such a wonderful selection.” Penelope couldn’t help but press the book closer to her chest. The way he was looking at her, heavy and charged, while advancing forward had her heart racing, Gen’s advice forgotten.
“Really?” Amusement danced in his eyes and voice. “What caught your attention this time?”
“What you left on the table, I was curious about what you’re reading nowadays.” She had absolutely no idea what the book was about so it would be easier to redirect the conversation back to him and play off by what he said. Colin was really close, though, and Penelope could feel her tongue wanting to roll to the back of her throat.
“You really are trying, aren’t you?” Penelope felt confusion run through her at Colin’s words but couldn’t muster a response as he now stood directly in front of her. His blue eyes were almost black because of the dim candle light and she had to crane her neck to maintain eye-contact. She was sure the warmth she felt on her cheeks wouldn’t go unnoticed as the half-smile he sported tinged with wickedness at the edges. “Tell me, is it a hobby of yours to read upside down?”
Penelope felt her eyes widen and then whip down. Colin was right. A feeling not unlike panic started bubbling in her throat, the need to escape rushing through her veins, scalding. She dropped the book and was about to mumble an apology before making a hasty retreat when she felt gentle pressure on her chin tilting her face up.
“You have no idea how happy you’ve made me tonight.” If she thought she was confused before it was nothing compared to this. Using the back of the hand that wasn’t holding her chin Colin traced the side of her neck, his eyes hooding over. “I have been waiting, hoping, trying to bait you…”
His hand now rested fully at the base of her throat, her pulse a drum beneath his fingers as her mouth dropped open. “I was starting to think I would need to dispose of Miss Thompson in order to stop this charade since you weren’t doing anything but…” Featherlight he moved the sleeve of her nightgown down so it matched the other side. His nails scraped slightly along her cleavage, her breathing quickening, his voice hypnotizing as goosebumps rose. “To think you were planning, that you wrapped yourself up for me.” Their gazes connected again and Penelope felt her legs tremble. “Oh, Pen, you have been so good.”
A sound Penelope would have never imagined she would be able to make left her throat at that last sentence and Colin immediately dove down and captured her lips. Even in her surprise, she clung to him. She didn’t know what to do but it didn’t matter much because Colin was kissing her. Colin Bridgerton was, finally, finally, finally kissing her.
Her hands fumbled, going from his arms to his lapels. The kiss, for all it was surprising, wasn’t rough. It was soft and sweet and Colin moved slowly. He lingered on her bottom lip, a long press, before landing a briefer one on her top lip. Two, three, four times he repeated the same process. Once, apparently satisfied, he then went to a corner of her mouth and she took it as an opportunity to breathe, her head spinning.
“Colin!” His name was more a gasp than anything else but he seemed to like it as his left hand, now firmly on her hip, kneaded up to her waist while his right dipped into the slit of her nightgown, his hand a hot brand on the skin of her thigh.
“So pretty, so soft, so perfect.” Colin’s lips traveled from the corner of her lips down to her chin and the side of her neck. Penelope couldn’t believe what was happening. She could feel herself trembling, malleable dough in his hands as she moved to accommodate him further, give him all the access he wasn’t even asking for but that she wanted to give him even while standing. Her head lolled to the side, forehead landing on his chest, fingers desperate as she pushed at the underside of his jacket; he chuckled against her throat and the vibrations had her eyes crossing. “Let me help you, darling.”
Before Penelope could even fully process what Colin had just called her, he was bending her and making her sit at the edge of the settee once more. She had only a moment to mourn the loss of his warmth when she saw him lowering himself to the ground, his knees making a soft thudding sound upon making contact with the carpet, jacket discarded behind him without a care.
“Colin, what are you doing?!” Penelope’s scandalized whisper didn’t faze Colin, who moved forward until he was in between her legs. Opposing him was what she supposed she ought to have done but the image before her was so out of a dream she could do nothing but stare: Colin with red lips, eyes almost black, soft smirk upon his lips as he knelt with his loose white shirt and letting her peek into a chest covered by hair. Her throat felt dry and the gulp she forced down was almost painful as she fisted her hands on the settee’s fabric.
“I’m taking what’s mine.” Colin’s tone was dark, the words heavy with a possessiveness Penelope had only ever heard in her own thoughts when thinking of him. “Ah, I do love that look.” His hands moved the fabric of her skirt aside, fingers digging into her bare skin, holding her open. “You match me.”
“I-Ahhhh…” Penelope was about to answer when she felt a finger move along her quim. It was a soft touch but the sensation was so intense she tried to close her legs on instinct.
“Tsk, now why would you do that?” That little disapproving note had her breath hitching, heart pounding and legs spreading once more; she felt a rush of air and tensed against the want to cover herself. Colin let a groan out and his head fell to her left thigh. “Killing me, you want to kill me.”
The tail end of his breaths reached her most intimate part, the puffs of warmth feeling like too much and not nearly enough at the same time. She wasn’t sure if she wanted him closer to where he nearly was or to push him off completely so that she might get a full breath in. Regardless, and more pressing, what she couldn’t help herself from doing was tentatively reaching out and placing a hand on his hair. Those locks had been tempting her for half her life and now that they were within reach, she couldn’t help herself.
Silky softness greeted her and she let out a sigh. It felt better than she had imagined, it was longer too. She wrapped a few strands along her fingers and delighted in the way Colin leaned more into her palm, encouraging her exploration when she dragged her nails lightly across his scalp. The color made it look as if she was playing with caramel and she was just about to scratch him again when she felt it.
Colin was licking a line from where he was resting his face on her thigh and up. The drag left a cold line that also burned where his tongue touched. Her hold on his hair tightened and just before he reached the apex of her legs he murmured. “Hold tight,” and then he was on her.
The hand that had been in the settee shot to his hair, her hips raised and her hands pushed him more firmly into her as he latched at the top. She had a faint thought of not pulling as roughly as she was but then Colin sucked again and stars exploded across her vision. Licks and nips followed and Penelope could do nothing but try to spread her legs wider while simultaneously attempting to close them around his head. Her knees went over his shoulders and his fingers dug into her bottom, bringing her closer to the edge of the settee.
“Colin, I, ahhh, Co-Col-Colin!” His name was a broken plea, air scarce as she felt a bubbling sensation cresting inside her, moans she couldn’t hold back revibrating in the room. The heat that pooled with each drag of his tongue was rapidly spreading across her body, scalding her from the inside out. Then, without warning, not that he could really talk, she felt his finger drag along her slit before slipping inside and she tensed.
“Relax, trust me.” Colin stopped for a second to whisper. The feeling was foreign, not uncomfortable if a little distracting, but as he got his mouth back to work and another finger joined the first, she felt herself cresting, her hips undulating to get him… get him... “That’s it, take it, take me.” The fingers inside her moved, prodding, searching, lending fullness to an emptiness she hadn’t really noticed before he started exploring her.
It was when his tongue went from where his fingers disappeared to suck at the top where she wanted him most that he found what he had been looking for, where she had unknowingly been taking him. The seal of his lips combined with his fingers pressing down on something inside her had her gasping and clawing at his hair. The pleasure spilled from her mouth in an anguished, gasping moan that barely resembled his name while she felt wetness escape her. The tingling sensation washed over her and she felt as Colin lapped up in and around her, his fingers stroking her and dragging out the peak she had just fallen over.
“Delicious, absolutely delectable.” Colin’s voice was rough, dark and so raspy she felt her toes curl on instinct. The smile he gave her once he separated from her spelled sinfulness and had her heart galloping. “I knew you would be, but by God, Penelope, there truly is nothing that could ever compare to you.” His chin glistened and Penelope felt her face burn at the realization that it was because of her. Her shallow breathing accompanied the sight of his tongue going over his bottom lip. “I will do this every night; every time you want me to; on every occasion I want to show you just how much I crave you.” His words sounded forbidden, dirty, and she wanted to roll them up and wrap herself in them. “I will eat you out, devour you, drink every last drop until you’re run dry.” His pupils were blown wide, his hold on her legs slacking but not leaving as he moved her to rest fully back on the settee. “And then, when you think you’re sated, I will have you.”
Penelope watched in a trance as he made himself at home once more in between her legs. “I will fill you, stuff you with my cock over and over.” She heard clinking and her gaze dropped from his eyes to where an elegant flick of his wrist had his belt opening. “I’ll be dripping out of you so much and so often that what will be strange for you is when my spend is not slipping down your thighs, sticky with both of us.” She wanted to concentrate on what he was saying but a strong hand was wrapping and pulling the leather through the hoops of his pants and the movement was so distracting her head filled with ideas that mixed with his words. How would his belt feel against her skin? The leather chaffing or accommodating around her wrists while Colin pulled? Would she be able to taste him afterwards? Even after what she had just experimented an ache persisted even while she felt like she couldn’t handle more. Would it subside once he had her?
“The desire in your eyes...” Penelope wished she could look up but Colin was reaching inside his pants, the head of his cock just visible as he took himself in hand. It was red and glistened and she felt her cunt clenching at the sight, need racing through her. “I love it.” That had her eyes snapping back to his and he chuckled. A couple of curls were fanning across his forehead and he looked so much like a god with his head tilted while hovering over her that she had the sudden urge to prostrate herself in front of him and pray, to thank him for existing, for sharing his kiss, his mouth, his smile.
“I love that I can see how I affect you by how much your pupils grow.” Colin’s right hand caressed Penelope’s thigh, he seemed to be unable to not touch them. For her part, the scent of their mixed sweat made her head spin. “I love how you break into a smile whenever I approach you.” He was now at her breast, a slight squeeze making a whine leave her and her eyes close. “I love that you listen, that you aren’t afraid to speak, that you found a way for others to hear you even under the veil of another name.” For a moment everything seemed to stop, the fire in her veins freezing, eyes snapping open.
“I love Whistledown because it’s the way you found to share yourself with others while I, selfishly, thankfully, still get to have you all to myself.” His face hovered over hers, an arm to the side of her face supporting him. Tears blurred the vision of his soft expression. “I love you for how you’ve permitted me to finally be able to embrace, because you went after me, because my heart beats to the compass of your breath and breathing only feels right when we’re together.” He gently rubbed their noses against each other, foreheads bumping. “I love you because you were made for me just like I was made for you.”
A hiccup left her and, for a moment, everything was still except for her mind that was reeling from the revelation that he knew about her biggest secret and he still wanted her. And, not only that, but it seemed it wasn’t even in spite of it but because of it. She was just about to speak when she felt it, his cock going up and down her slit, slipping in the wet mess between her legs as it caught at the top and then went back down. It was drag of slippery soft against velvet firmness. “Tell me you want this, want me.” Colin’s voice was thin, weak, a man begging. “Tell me you wanted, planned, for us to join in a way that would lock us in an irreversible, absolute union.”
“Yesyesyesyesyes!” Penelope’s hands tangled in his hair, guiding his mouth to hers in a kiss that was all tongues and teeth. That was all she had ever wanted; all she had set out to do that night. He was asking if she had planned to entrap him? Yes, she had wanted to, had prepared to do so, had dreamed of for days on end. She had come up with all kinds of scenarios for when she was in the moment, his reaction taking center stage and his reaction varying from resigned to angry to tentatively hopeful. The one outcome she had never even dared to imagine was that he had been on board and happy to go along with the idea even before she had thought of it.
She was in the midst these thoughts while trying to suck on his tongue when his cock pushed in, gliding inside her. Her mouth fell open, head thrown back, breath stuttered and tears leaked into her hair. “I love, good lord, I love how well you’re taking me, how perfectly you’re fitting me.” Colin bit her lip as he kept his advance slow but steady. Penelope’s hands drifted down to his arms, to the bulging muscle, his biceps rippling under her touch. “I love you for all, damn, for all that you’ve done and all that we’ll share.” His head had dropped to the side, his voice a rugged whisper against her ear.
“I love how wet you are, hmph, how eagerly you move under me.” And then he was all the way in and she swore she could feel him on the back of her throat, his weight almost all on her and, at once, she wanted him to crush her. “They way you challenge my views and paint them in a new light.” His voice heavy, panting against her ear. “There is no one like you, no one I could love other than you.”
His hips were still against hers, probably wanting to give her a moment, but she wanted none of it. She took advantage of his pause and wrapped both arms around him and pushed him down. It, surprisingly, took only the barest of touches and then he was there, pressing, sliding even deeper, covering all of her, splaying her legs so far she felt a stinging need with the strain and her lungs fighting for every little exhale. Her head seemed woozier than ever and she was just starting to appreciate the lax of oxygen when he moved and air rushed in. At once she tried to push him back down but he resisted, the drag of his cock combined with the rush into her lungs creating a sensation so powerful that new tears sprung to her eyes. “Don’t, please, Colin!”
“Pen, wait, Pen.” The strain in his voice was apparent but he had already said so much, it was her turn now.
“You said you love me, didn’t you?” Her tone was wet and small and his face disappeared as he immediately started leaving kisses on the side of her neck trying to sooth her.
“Of course.” His hips started moving a little. “I do, Pen, I really, really do.” It felt so good she almost felt tempted to let him do as he wished. Almost.
“Then le-lean on me.” Her desire was so strong her throat clogged and it came out strangled. She pushed against his shoulders with her hands while her feet tangled with is legs trying to drag him down. “Please, please!” She was whining, she knew she was, but she needed him on her, airways constricted, breath just this side of short.
“Pen.” He lifted his head, leaving more space between them, which had more tears sliding on her face, and looking her in the eyes. “I was crushing you!”
“So what?” Penelope snapped. She didn’t know where this forthrightness was coming from, probably from the lack of brain power left in her head after he sucked it out of her, and wasn’t that just and absolute mad thought, but she would grab it and run with it. She was finally being given what she had always wanted and she would be damned if she didn’t take it when he was already there with her. “I loved it.” His breath hitched and she saw and an opportunity to pounce. “I love knowing that you’re bigger than me, that you can overpower and control even the air in my lungs.”
She could see him trembling, felt it as he made a conscious effort not to move where they joined even as she canted her hips up. “I have always wanted you, always loved you and now I get to feel it and you’re taking it away.” Her voice took a rather petulant ring, she was being ridiculous, she knew, but as his arms slipped a little and the one in a trance now appeared to be him, she pressed on, her hand cupping the left side of his face. “I want to feel you on me, in me. Real, tangible, undeniably mine. Don’t take it away.” Her crying was not an act but she also thought they were a nice touch as he saw his lashes tremble.
As Penelope saw Colin struggle another piece of advice from Gen came to her mind. She closed her eyes minutely, tilted her face and graced her lips against his in an almost but not quite kiss. Her voice, soft but raspy, sounded, even to her, enticing in the thinness of her tone. “Love,” Her nails slowly traveled up and down his back, a gentle scratch. “Please, give it to me, please.”
“You, you…” He sounded a little chocked. “You little minx!” The words had no sooner left his lips and he was on her again. Her breath left her gradually, the wall of his chest pressing down but now he was grinding, his hips insistent on their attempt to go deeper, feel her thoroughly. Penelope felt euphoria dancing on her veins as her lungs worked overtime and the pressure on her sex made the drag feel even more potent, electricity rushing through her system. “You lower your gaze and act demure while asking for me to crush you while I’m inside you.” Just when the edges of her vision started to blur, Colin let up. The rush of crisp air doubling her pleasure as he thrusted hard and fast while she gulped like a fish out of water.
“But if that’s what my sweet little wife wants.” A particularly vicious and well-placed thrust had her back arching and he got her back into the settee as he lowered himself once more on her. The anticipation of feeling encapsuled by his frame making her eager with kisses along his chin and jaw. “Then that’s what my little wife shall receive.”
Penelope had no time to react to his words for he set a pace that robbed her of any thinking beyond the drag and pull of their bodies. Colin would rest upon her for a couple of second, then lift so she could take her fill of vital air, nails drawing on his back, under his shirt, stinging red lines of arousal. When his weight wasn’t on her, his hips were hard at work while his hands roamed her breasts. As much as he had liked her thighs, her bosom seemed to be just as pleasing to him. He would cup her, fingers slipping inside her nightgown and playing with her nipples before slipping out and supporting him as he lowered himself on her once more. The onslaught of sensations was too much and so, it was no surprise that not too long afterwards, she felt on the verge of that explosive ending again.
“I’m, I, Col-Colin, I! I!” Words evaded her, mind in a loop of Colin and what he was doing to her and nothing else.
“Ah! Me too, sweetling, me too.” He kept himself a bit aloft as he moved frenzied and uncoordinated. That’s when she felt him press down and drag the pad of his finger on that part that had her finishing all over his face and letting his weight drop on her at the same time.
“COLIN!” Even if she had wanted to, she wouldn’t have been able to control the scream she let out. Her vision whitened, limbs locked onto him as she felt wave after wave of immense pleasure wash away everything that wasn’t the hot, pulsing gush she felt leaving her and the way she could feel him pulsing and leaving something just as warm inside her.
By the time she was coming back to herself, Colin was fixing her nightgown and hair, although not pulling out of her yet. That last one suited her just fine as she didn’t feel as if she would be able to bear not being so intimately joined after what they had just done. His movements, to the untrained eye, were calm and controlled, but he was everything but put together. His hair was standing up all over the place, shirt askew, hands shacking just slightly, breathing deep, lips red and bruised with a blush high on his cheeks. Anyone would be able to see, upon closer inspection, that he was the very image of self-satisfaction and debauchery. She imagined she looked much the same and sighed dreamily.
“I imagine at least one of my brothers along with my mother are on their way here.” He said it with such nonchalance she almost didn’t react.
“What?!” Alarm broke through the pleasant haze she had fallen into. “We need to make ourselves presentable!” Colin laughed and she felt indignation rise. “Colin, this is serious! They will see us!”
“Well,” His devil may care smile had her fiery comeback dying a premature death on her tongue. “That was rather the point of this whole exercise, wasn’t it?”
“Oh.” He was right and she wanted to melt into a puddle. “Yeah.”
“Now, now, where is my little seductress at?” His voice was teasing, eyes dancing with mirth. “You should be happy about your triumph.” Something about the way he said it had her frowning.
“I only really want your happiness.” Shyness invaded her. Really, where had her bravado gone to?
“You are my happiness, Pen.” Her eyes misted over and she blinked rapidly so she wouldn’t miss a single expression on his face. “There is much we must discuss. Things we’ll need to sort out.” His family, her family, Marina. Gosh, the thought of seeing her cousin’s face when it was announced it would be Penelope who would become Mrs. Bridgerton had a bubbling sense of satisfaction and glee starting to boil at the pit of Penelope’s stomach. “However, what I want, no, need to know is just one thing.” She snapped back to the present; his eyes were intense but full of a fear she hadn’t ever seen in them before. “Do you love me?” Insecurity danced in his eyes and she had to contain her laugh at the absurdity of the question.
“I have always loved you, Colin.” How could he still doubt it? He was still inside her for god’s sake! Thankfully, the earnestness of her tone had him softening instantly. It was as if he had been waiting for a different answer, bracing for an impact that would never come. “Loving you has been the light that’s kept me from going under countless times. Past, present and future, my only constant has only ever been my love for you.” She cupped his face reverently and he leaned into her palm, her heart full to bursting.
“I love you.” As when the clouds cleared after the rain, so did his expression. His smile was that of the boy she met that fateful day at the park, laughing at something most everyone else would have scorned her over. Absolute joy radiated from him and she felt her heart skip a beat. “Not a day shall go by when you don’t hear it from me from this day forward.” He kissed her and in the same instant pulled them upwards, the motion fluid and impressive with how much ease he did it with. She felt as he slipped from her body and broke the kiss as she gasped at the sensation of being empty again.
“Why did you do that?” He snickered at her frowning face and gave her another brief kiss before turning from her and crouching down to retrieve his belt.
“I can hear them coming.” Penelope strained her ears and she could indeed hear the thumping of steps. “And as much as I would like to give them a show, I much prefer to have the dressing down I’m about to receive with my pants not around my ankles.” She could feel herself blushing and Colin couldn’t help but remark on it.
“You have no idea how fetching you look whenever red rises to your cheeks.” He secured his belt and turned to her. One arm went around her waist while the other tipped her chin. In turn, her right hand naturally went to the back of his neck, fingers playing with the hair there, while her left rested against his heart. The steps were nearing, stomping she imaged made the halls tremble. The viscount. “Ready, my love?”
She had thought herself immune to nervousness. Nothing had ever been worth the guaranteed disappointment when whatever she desired didn’t come to pass. Denying herself had become second nature but as she saw Colin’s bright eyes with an eager twinkle in them, she knew she wouldn’t ever be able to deny this. She was nervous but now not because she believed her future doomed but because she couldn’t wait to start this new chapter of her life with the man who had always been the exception to all she thought she knew about herself.
“As long as it’s with you.” She smiled.
“Only with you.” He smiled back and kissed her.
She was just opening her mouth to greet his tongue with hers when the door to the study flew open and a red-faced Anthony Bridgerton burst through followed by his mother.
“COLIN BRIDGERTON!”