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Everytime I close my eyes, I see him.
He was crying, begging, screaming, holding me tight.
“MIO! MIO! Please! Stay with me!"
Ah, my dear Noah. I'm sorry I made you cry. I’m sorry I couldn't make it.
I'm sorry I couldn't wipe away your tears and hold you in return.
I felt trapped in the lights, my senses numbed. The last thing I could see was your distraught expression, as you cradled whatever remained of me in your arms.
Everytime I close my eyes, I see us. Lifetimes and lifetimes ago. A slightly different you and a slightly different me, in a slightly different space and time, yet our fate was all the same.
Grief etched into your features.
Noah, did you see them too, visions of our past? Did they haunt your dreams? Your waking moments?
Do they still haunt you now, warning you of your own weakness?
Ah, my kind Noah, how they must have broken your heart.
When I open my eyes, I see you. A different “you”, yet so unmistakably “you” all the same.
I was anxious, waried of the kind of person you might be. But, you have been unexpectedly kind to me, as kind as “he” was. The familiar warmth from such a foreign source.
You say we have all of eternity together, but you keep hiding away behind your mask. Hiding from the world, hiding from yourself, your feelings, your conscience, and hiding from me. I can feel an impenetrable wall surrounding you. You are always so close, yet so distant.
When I first took “her” place, I asked myself: “Why is it that you are so different from him?”
I shifted through her memories, from lifetimes after lifetimes, from more than a thousand years trapped as a Moebius. To my own horror, I realized, it was still “you”. Quiet, thoughtful Noah. A big big dummy who is scared and can't quite grasp people's feelings, but is stubbornly, blindingly willing to dive head-first into what you think is best for them.
But somewhere along the way, you lost sight of the path you should take.
You had spent lifetimes trying to fight fate, trying to save everyone, but the result was always the same.
Grief broke you.
You no longer saw the light at the end of the tunnel, no longer believed there was any light to begin with.
If you couldn't fight the system, might as well utilise it to your own benefits.
So you chose to “save” me, in doing so you hoped to save yourself from the pains.
But you were still you, you still hated the system and you hated its brutality. Yet, you hated yourself even more, hated your own weakness. You forced yourself to make a loathsome choice, but anything was better than repeating the past again.
Even now, you still have to convince yourself that you made the right choice.
Even now, I can still feel my heart— No, her heart aching for you. Looking at you filled "her” with unbearable sadness. She hated the Moebius, but she hated your unending self-torture even more.
She regretted locking her feelings away, never venting to you, never letting you listen to her before it was too late. Now, you don't want to listen to anybody anymore. You won't let anyone tell you you are wrong. You don't want to care as long as you still have “me”, as long as our fate doesn't repeat.
I swear, this time, I will— We will do right by both of you. Our fate definitely will NOT repeat.
When the time comes, will you please listen to her wish?