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Broken, Ryker had been feeling that way ever since Leon's death/now known suicide, every painful second Leon's body rotted in some unknown graveyard back in France Ryker could only think on how such an important piece of their life was now gone, forever, such an important human being for them was made nothing else but a pile of flesh and blood on their arms, maybe that's what they were all along, but Ryker didn't felt like knowing that ever, of seeing their friend's inside so closely, they couldn't dream of it, until they did.
And now they were alone, contemplating their existance on the cold bathroom floor, everything, even breathing being way to complicated for them, they had decided to stop breathing some seconds ago but holding everything in was also too painful, it made them cough and, fuck, those crushed ribs did hurt, so untill Ryker got up and decided to attempt against their own life on a more successful way there was nothing for them to do than trying to wait for it all to become slightly bearable again, for just an ounce of.. anything, to pull them up again, just like the last week has been, anything they could hold onto to get back on their feet, any thought, any feeling, any motivation to push themselves a bit further, to discover what was going on- and Ryker had a lot of questions now about everything and everyone they knew, but nothing to hold onto anymore, nothing.
They didn't even know if they wanted the real answers anymore, so maybe yes, they were ready to die now.
Even so slightly moving, shaking of starvation, feeling the hard ache of muscles and bones, heart beating fast, mind going blurry, head aching, yes, they were ready for it, or maybe not ready, just tired of it all.. accepting.
So they close their eyes, that hurt too, that damn car accident, at least the skin tone arround their eyes reminded the of the perpetrators hair.. Ryker stop.
They knew a prayer for times like this, an old superstition claiming that if it was your last words, heaven would be given to you.
Ryker didn't even tried to remember it.
They knew thinking wouldn't get them anywhere good right now, it blocked their rest, their mind slipping out of place would only make their wish to fall asleep longer than it needs to be, so they try again, clear mind, no stupid unnecessary thoughts on the way, just rest, maybe die here, who knows. Soon enough, they weren't feeling anything, and for even their own surprise, they dreamed nothing.
That's how they knew they were going to live past that night.
Surprisingly enough, waking up to the sound of bugs inside their ear wasn't what they had expected.
Was Ryker already rotting and those bugs were tearing their flesh? Was the shitty motel just infested and Ryker had spent to much time out of it to ever realize?
It was well past noon outside, they were sweaty, and their mouth was dry and.. There was some blue blobby shape looking down at them like a child that just dropped their ice cream cone on the floor, nothing out of the ordinary, or maybe not.
Ryker let out a huff and suddenly, all their senses came back to them all at the same time, which was.. Overwhelming and painful, both at the same time, suddenly they were hyperconscious of their state. The figure next to them was Beetle, leaning on them. Was it treating their wounds? Under their body, there was no longer the hard floor but a bed, and over them some sheets. The place still looked like the hotel, and it smelled musty. Ryker's mouth was dry and back to the noise- was Beetle doing that too? Well, anyways.. that covered all the basic senses, so they were alive after all.
"You're here." Ryker said, thinking they could handle the pain that came with speaking after taking in account what they had gone trough. They did not, and so Beetle took its time to answer that question.
"My purpose is looking after you."
This was the same being that smashed Ryker's head against the bathroom wall.
"How nice of you-"
"Ryker Dublin."
They both looked at each other for a few seconds, from Beetle to Ryker and from Ryker to Beetle, those multiple eyes scanning them. it's as if the creature could read
their mind, what had it said about their death?
"You've taken a path, you've changed yourself. You could never have changed what's already happened. But you can heal."
And they knew that, so why did it hurt them so much to know? The slight eyebrow frown Ryker instinctively made with their face just revealed another truth to them, there were something.. like plasters on their face, making it hurt less, helping it heal, Beetle had indeed been taking care of them while they were out, that fact pulled their mind out of the blame spiral it was going down. "I get it. Believe me, I know nothing about necromancy, but it's just a lot to process now."
Ryker made his best attempt to rest their back on the wall and pull themselves up to sit on the bed, a growl came out of their stomach got a judging look out of Beetle's mask/face, who pulled out an orange from somewhere. Ryker wasn't being logical anymore and instead turning pale at the memory.
"Wait, but was it real? Those words I had with them, that one door that led me everywhere?"
Beetle pealed the orange with some weird delicacy. Ryker got a better view at its hands, was it missing a finger?
"You can leave all that thinking to later."
The creature said, handing over the orange. Ryker just couldn't hesitate; they reached for it and took it between their hands.
They had felt this sensation arround Beetle before, but this sort of inmidiate connection was new, inhumane even, there was such a calming and reassuring presance surrounding Beetle making them unable to even think the creature was going to hurt them, not even with Leon or their family Ryker ever felt this peace so quickly, is like they didn't even nedded to get to know that being, they were just bonded together, it must be mystical they thought, and also the reason why they didn't even flinched while being smashed against the wall, but it was pretty, it felt pretty for it to be this way.
Ryker thought as they bit into the orange, it felt good to have something inside their stomach again, some time to clear their mind from the storm.
"No thinking anymore... but were you always there?"
Beetle gave them that look again and sighed.
"Yes, I was. "
"Why am I only seeing you now?"
"You're messing with things you can't comprehend and will get you killed without you know nothing of it."
They both stayed in silence. Ryker finished the orange.
"It's unfair."
"I'm making it fair for you."