Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Kakashi really didn’t want to be in charge of genin and right now he was deeply regretting the decision to pass them, council be damned. Kakashi knew teaching them would be nearly impossible, on account of having no desire to nor any idea how to instruct kids in the first place. Still, he had hoped that Naruto would have some of his parents’ intelligence. After all both were lauded geniuses, known throughout the elemental nations. But no, Naruto was about as intelligent as a brick. Worse the so called rookie of the year was equally stupid, but in a different way and the less said about the pink banshee the better.
Sadly, there was going to be much said about the pink banshee as she was currently unconscious and bleeding from a head wound, courtesy of the other two idiots on the team. How Naruto managed to drop a bucket of paint on the girl by accident was a mystery, one only equaled by the facts that rookie of the year Sasuke failed to save his teammate nor had Sakura, top kunoichi, managed to dodge it.
‘What a nightmare,’ Kakashi was very much not looking forward to explaining this one to the medics. In fact he wouldn’t, ‘I’ll just leave her in the ER. Protocol will handle the rest.’ The jounin decided while taking in the carnage. He knew how the hospital worked and so he shunshined in, dropped the girl into a waiting chair then flickered away before anyone could stop and ask questions. Like why hadn’t he done anything to save her, which was a fair question. Shame he’d never acknowledge it.
***
‘My fucking head,’ the thought shot through her skull like an angry bolt of lightning and she grit her teeth in pain. A cooling wave of something swept over the skin atop her head and the agony slowly faded away and curious jade eyes opened to reveal a hospital room. ‘What’s going on? Please tell me nobody called an ambulance, I can’t afford that!’ Panic started to creep in but she swept it aside, detaching from her emotions with the practiced ease of someone who’d lived through just a bit too much.
The sensation of facial muscles relaxing into a blank mask was comforting, familiar and she was thankful she’d trained that little response into herself. Facial expressions could trigger emotional responses, creating a feedback loop and knowing that had made a world of difference. Appearing calm actually helped with maintaining calm. It wasn’t perfect but every little advantage she could get was latched onto with all the zeal of a soul terrified of death.
“Sakura-chan?” An unfamiliar voice asked and she didn’t acknowledge it. It wasn’t her name, she didn’t know who they were speaking to and jade eyes moved over the small hospital room before realization struck. It was just her and a man in a doctor’s outfit, he had been talking to her. The man spoke again, in a language that wasn’t quite japanese but was similar enough that it had to be related.
‘Why is he so tall? Wait, why is everything so big? And that’s not english he’s speaking. Fuck, it’s not any language I understand. Or I’m in a fever dream. Perhaps this is hell? How do I communicate, I have no idea what they’re saying. The guy looks Asian but he’s not speaking japanese.’ The girl’s thoughts raced a mile a minute, spiraling off into parallel tangents while the man spoke at her then paused. He spoke again and the girl watched him, jade eyes bright with intelligence but absent of understanding.
The man spoke again then when he got no reaction he said her name again “Sakura-chan?” there was a question attached, or at least it sounded like it. ‘Is it a tonal language? I hope not, I don’t know anything about those. Let’s hope this is just a dream, I’m dreaming, let’s just go along with it, yes I’m Sakura-chan, love me or die!’ The girl thought and pointed at herself. A sigh of relief came from the man and she relaxed slightly. Apparently pointing at herself was the correct response but aside from that, she was drawing blanks.
The man got up then left and without someone watching her, it became nearly impossible not to fall apart. ‘Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic.’ The mantra repeated on a loop. She had no idea what the fuck was going on or why. ‘Okay brain, what’s the last thing you remember? You’re good at that right? Remembering things?’ With that thought, memories suddenly boiled up out of nowhere.
She was walking back from taco bell, bag and drink in one hand, her other on her concealed gun. The cool spring air was refreshing and the inky blackness of the night was a welcome companion. The crowded streets of the city that never slept were mostly empty this late, or rather early and she had the sidewalk to herself. A flash of headlights streaked across her eyes and she was momentarily blinded, light sensitivity kicking in at the worst possible time.
Straining her ears, she heard the sound of tires squealing angrily and felt the sidewalk vibrating under her feet. ‘Oh shit!’ The thought screamed through her mind and she dove to the side, blinking away the after burns of the headlights just in time to see she wasn’t going to make it. Pain exploded through her body and the next thing she knew, she was in a hospital being called Sakura-chan.
‘Truck-kun why! Well, that’ll teach me to be a fucking pedestrian. I didn’t even go down in a blaze of glory! How embarrassing!’ She felt like laughing hysterically but if she did that, she’d inevitably start crying and fall to pieces. ‘No, don’t panic, don’t think, you’re calm, you’re in control, don’t lose your grip. You’re invincible, unstoppable, you’ve never met a problem you couldn’t crack. You’re also very short and probably adorable with a name like Sakura-chan.’ Self encouragement coupled with good old fashioned detachment fought off the wave of terror and she took a slow, deep breath, before noticing the door open and the doctor returning.
He motioned for her and called her ‘name’ again. “Sakura-chan.”
‘Stern but not harsh, no questioning pitch, it’s a command but a friendly one and apparently I’m officially Sakura now. We’ll figure that shit out later, first follow the doctor. One mystery at a time, do not think yourself to death, you need your mind on your immediate situation girl.’ Gritting her teeth, Sakura followed the doctor out of the room.
What followed was a battery of x-rays, blood tests, glowy hands and an MRI. When all of that was done, more conversations were held, not that Sakura understood a word. Still with no immediate sign of danger and more importantly, no talk of debts or American “Healthcare”, Sakura managed to stay pretty calm. It was rather amazing what being freed from student debt could do to a mind and Sakura was certain by now she wasn’t in America. In fact, she was pretty sure she’d either died or was dying and this was her brain’s last, insane musings.
‘Always treat reality as presented as reality until shown otherwise. Never gamble with your life.’ Sakura reminded herself, knowing that there were too many unknowns to be stupid. ‘We’ve got no information, no communication and no known allies. Pay attention, don’t discount anything and stay fucking calm.’ The self reminder was necessary because panic didn’t simply go away, even if you dissociated your mind from your emotions. The panic, anxiety and terror were all still present, she just wasn’t aware of them. The chemicals were still in her brain, floating around but if she couldn’t process them, they wouldn’t influence her thoughts or actions, unless of course something reconnected them and then it’d be full blown panic attack time.
***
Kakashi was watching Naruto and Sasuke squabble and fight when a courier appeared for him. The man was a genin runner who usually ran messages for the hospital. ‘Great, Pinky’s awake.’ Kakashi smiled at the man as he delivered a scroll. ‘That’s odd, why send a scroll, do they need me back in ANBU? But they wouldn’t use a genin for that.’ Kakashi thought, opening the scroll and reading the message within.
‘Pinky’s got total amnesia and can’t read, write or speak anymore? She’s going to be in rehab for a bit then. Great, I only passed them this week, so I’m stuck with her until one of these two idiots make chunin. Oh well, at least the hospital is used to this kind of rehab,’ amnesia and loss of mental faculties were very common among ninja and while the hospital was a joke compared to what it once was, getting ninja back in action, if they survived their injuries, was a process that had long ago been mastered.
‘Pinky’s a bookworm so I’m sure she’ll pick up language quickly and at least I won’t have to hear her screeching for a while.’ Kakashi thought happily, putting no more thought into the pink haired girl’s fate. Sure as the jounin instructor it had technically been his fault she’d received a fractured skull on a D rank but hey, what kind of ninja couldn’t dodge a can of paint? ‘Then again her teammates aren’t any better.’ Kakashi looked at the dunce who’d managed to drop a can of paint despite being a genin and then glanced over at the avenger who couldn’t even stop said can of paint from braining his crush. At least Kakashi was fairly certain he had a crush on the pink haired girl, he tolerated her presence more then he did Naruto’s and she was just as obnoxiously loud.
‘I wonder if dying on a D rank would be enough to get out of teaching them?’ Kakashi mused, trying to determine if he could feasibly fake his own death. ‘Tora is pretty vicious, I’m sure that cat could kill a man.’ Kakashi wondered as he daydreamed of escaping his responsibilities, ignoring Naruto and Sasuke roll around in the dirt, beating each other senseless.