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It's been a year, yet every morning and night, Junghwan wakes up with the same sight almost every day. He thought their relationship was improving since they shared a room, just the two of them. But almost every night, Youngjae went to sleep without saying a single word to him, and it’s getting worse lately especially after Youngjae started installing the curtain around his bed. Sometimes, when Junghwan entered their room, Youngjae would already be asleep with the curtain closed tightly.
He used to have deep conversations with Youngjae twice a week about things that worried him, asking for advice, sharing their problems. But lately, those moments had become rare. Junghwan wondered if he had hurt Youngjae with his words, or maybe with his actions.
Maybe, he missed Youngjae a little more. Being closed to Youngjae, but with the distance between them growing every day, hurt him deeply too. So, at some point he could not hold himself back anymore.
That night… everything changed.
Usually, he would sit in the living room with Jihoon and Dohoon to play games, but because he had something to do, he refused to play with them. Youngjae was taking a bath at that time when Junghwan entered their room, sitting on his bed with legs on the floor, facing Youngjae's side of the room. It was tidy and neat as always. But that cream-colored curtain bothered him for some reason.
The door opened, revealing Youngjae in his favorite white t-shirt, paired with checkered pants that they had bought together, with a towel on top of his damp hair. Junghwan hated that the view in front of him was something that he always longed to see. Youngjae was startled to see how Junghwan stared at him, with a blank expression. Slowly, Youngjae closed the door behind him and awkwardly walked toward his bed.
"Let's talk,"
It was better to be straightforward when he needed to settle things with Youngjae. Youngjae froze in place, turning his back to face Junghwan. "Y-yes, hyung? Why so sudden.."
Junghwan sighed as he shifted a little, making space for Youngjae to sit. "Come here,"
There was no need to say it twice, Youngjae approached Junghwan and sat beside him. It had been a long time since he sat on Junghwan's bed, and memories of them watching movies and having a deep conversation there, just the two of them, flooded his mind. He smiled as his hand brushed the grey bed sheet, feeling the softness of the fabric between his fingers.
"Why do you keep avoiding me?"
Youngjae turned to face Junghwan who had been watching him the whole time. His throat went dry, unsure how to respond. He blinked, not wanting to say something that had been bothering him for the past two months.
"You… I feel like we’re still awkward with each other. I thought we will get along after everything we did together," Junghwan said, being completely honest. His face looked upset, and Youngjae knew, it was all because of him.
"I wish those days would come back, that one time you came to me and said that you wanted to sleep with me."
How could Youngjae forget that? He remembered sleeping soundly on Junghwan's arm on that super single bed for three months. Sometimes, Junghwan would hug his waist to keep him from falling off the bed, and he even let Youngjae sleep next to the wall to prevent him from rolling off.
"I thought maybe because you’ve grown up now, you were acting awkward around me after everything. I understood that"
Youngjae wanted to say something but wasn’t sure whether he should. For sure, that was not the reason of his actions, but he did not know how to explain.
Junghwan stayed silent for a while before remembering something. "But I don't think that was the reason. Because last month when we shared a room in Japan, you slept with me on my bed after we watched the movie."
Oh. Youngjae wanted to avoid this topic. Oh, please not that. No, not now.
Junghwan noticed that Youngjae seemed uneasy, shifting uncomfortably in his seat when he brought up that topic. Was something happened that night until Youngjae act this way? So it must be, it must be that night! Junghwan connected the dots. Youngjae had been acting weird ever since, avoiding him without explanation, changing roommates on their next overseas schedules, obviously, leaving Junghwan with no clues until now.
"Is there anything happened that night, Youngjae-ah?"
His voice was soft, but Youngjae felt scared. The firm look Junghwan gave him made it feel like he was forcing him answer right away. His breath hitched, knowing there was no escape. Junghwan could read him easily, even the smallest change in him, Junghwan will be the first one to notice it.
"I... I accidentally kissed you that night!"
Oh. Youngjae knew he had messed up. He hated his hormones (especially that day) the reason why he thought of kissing Junghwan right on the lips after Junghwan cried to sleep was the first thing that came into his mind when they shared a bed.
Youngjae cried, for the first time after months in front of Junghwan, which caused Junghwan to wrap his arms around him, pulling his head to his chest. He caressed Youngjae's back and placed his head on top of Youngjae's. "Youngjae-ah, I'm sorry for making you said that. But actually, I'm relieved to hear that. It feels much better this way, than not having you cling to me like this. And, there is something I never told you before."
"I love you, Choi Youngjae. Not as a brother nor friend. I love you more than that, more than anything I could ever express."
Youngjae slowly looked up to see Junghwan's face, searching for sincerity in his words. His nose was red from crying, his eyes filled with tears as he looked at Junghwan, confused. Junghwan could not help himself but brush the tears from Youngjae's cheeks, slowly bringing his thumb down to brush over his lips, as if asking for permission. When Youngjae closed his eyes, Junghwan closed the distance between them, until their lips met, feeling the softness of Youngjae's lips on his. He could taste the saltiness of Youngjae's tears on those lips as he held Youngjae's neck to deepen the kiss. It was not a passionate kiss- just a simple, long touch, but neither of them wanted to break it.
And that was the moment they both realized their feelings were mutual. All this time they had been wasting time avoiding each other, acting awkwardly, and keeping their distance, not knowing that the love they shared could overcome anything. Both Junghwan and Youngjae would never regret the change in their relationship, starting that night.
Keeping secrets from the others was probably a good thing since they lived with the other five- along with their manager. Only if-
"Hyung! You both are watching movie again without me- oh I'm sorry!"
The door immediately slammed shut when Kyungmin saw the couple kissing on the single bed, looking a little messy. He regretted not knocking before entering the room.
"Kyungmin, I thought you wanted to join them to watch the movie," Jihoon asked from the couch when he saw Kyungmin rush back from Junghwan and Youngjae's room, with his palms covered his eyes. Kyungmin shook his head, still in shock with what he had just seen. "They're making a movie, not watching it,"
"Huh? Oh okay, whatever. Just go to sleep, aegi. Don’t make any noise, Hanjin already sleep,"