Archive of Our Own

guys i was gone for three hours what do you mean legendary villain Serpent King has a boyfriend, said boyfriend is a Hero??? anD THATS TRENDING OVER HOW THE EARTH ALMOST JUST GOT BLOWN UP?

His name is Roman and he doxxed himself within thirty seconds of achieving internet fame but appearently SK is into that. #LongreigntheKing

BREAKING: Serpent King has been sighted in downtown! Police and Fire urge residents to stay indoors and avoid...[READ MORE]

AW YEAH GETTING MY POPCORN NOW

What a great day to not be a rich guy working for PolluteInc at their Yew Nork branch!

As a reminder to the citizens of Yew Nork, following emergency proceedures for villain attacks in the city will keep everyone safe in these uncertain times.

Does Serpent King know he could make a KILLING rebooting the Cretaceous Park series

∴⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ ╎ᓭ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷ ⎓╎リ↸ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷

Serpent King, I know you're a giant lizard sometimes, but this is the third time you hit my car this year. My insurance is going to stop believing me about this.😔😔

Sorry Darling let me take care of that for you🐍 #LongreigntheKing

BREAKING: Serpent King has attacked Local Insurance Offices! These other business maybe be next...[READ MORE]

Hey with the road closures for the villain fight does anyone have alternate routes to get to SleepApenia Cookies? @Logansandersofficial

YOU MEAN CONSEQUENCES BESIDES SERPENT KING DESTROYING THEIR OFFICES RIGHT? RIGHT KITTY?

Okay but does anyone else remember how there was a literal satellite crash in the Yew Nork Harbor days ago and the PolluteInc never faced any consequences from it? 🙏

BREAKING: Aliens suspected of landing in Yew Nork! Is this part of Serpent King's latest scheme? Officials are saying....[READ MORE]

THERE ARE NO ALIENS IN YEW NORK.

Yes of course the aliens are part of my grand scheme. What type of supervillain would I be if I didn't invite aliens to come work for me? I promise equal and fair pay to all my workers!

Self care is building a new deathray🐍

Currently in search of a new henchperson. Jake had an...unfortunate... accident in the lab last night and now no longer has a corporal body.

Found $3.5M just lying on the ground today!💅

Despite it being outlawed in all five surrounding states, Yew Nork actually has never passed a law against weilding a sword on public transportation. Or apparently using them to attack supervillains.

Despite what critics might think, I won today's fight against Sword Master

⚔️Drop your location LIE-zila and we can fix that!⚔️

Is anyone else wondering who the fuck "Sword Master" is?

Sword Master is so great!

Saving the great city of Yew Nork is my greatest honor!

Fear not dear citizens! I emerged victorious from battle yet again!

I adore every moment of getting to be Yew Nork's local Hero!

Okay but why are Serpents thighs so toned

ᓭℸ ̣ ╎ꖎꖎ リ𝙹 ᓭ╎⊣リ 𝙹⎓ ⍑╎ᒲ

Reached Tier Three DeVotee today! Time to Celebrate!!🤩🐍 #LongreigntheKing

Not to be controversial, but I believe that Serpent King's recent lack of successful villain ploys might be because he's distracted by a secret beau! 😳😳

One day VCR merch will not cost my entire paycheck and I will be able to afford both it and food for the week.

Intriguing....I have a proposition for you...

Check your DMs, you raccoon @Anxie_TEA

Does Anxei-TEA know what I would give to be them? To appear on our king's timeline? To have Serpent King iN MY FUCKING DMS RIGHT NOW

if i see any videos about what im about to do on the internet im going to become a worse villain than Serpent King

BREAKING: Serpent King attacks local bank with terrifying dance number! Residents begin to question when a Hero will step up to put an end to his reign...[READ MORE]

IM LITERALLY JUST OUT OF FRAME

Who writes and choreographs all these shitty performances?

OH MY GOD HIS OUTFIT💃🕺💃🤩🤩 #LongreigntheKing

Amazing performance Serpent King! But uh...why does one of your dancers look like he wants you to die?

Hey, Serpent King Backup Dancer #4: you okay buddy?

WAIT ARE YOU SAYING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME UP THERE

I will vanquish evil from this city! Including those swayed to evil like @Anxie-TEA!

Ahh! Im so excited!! New fanfic guys! Who Needs Enemies - SwordDancer (that's Sword Master/Backup Dancer #4!!!) 40k, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Extra Spice, there's only One Bed!
https://werewritingourworlds.org/works/33852/chapters/242353

What are you, a fucking princess, @xSwordMasterx? Sleep on the floor bitchass

ᔑ∷ᒷ ∴ᒷ ᓭ⚍∷ᒷ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷᓭᒷ ᔑ∷ᒷ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ∷╎⊣⍑ℸ ̣ ᓵ𝙹𝙹∷↸╎リᔑℸ ̣ ᒷᓭ??

If police could kindly come collect a drunk Serpent King from my sofa, I would be estatic.

Does anyone else notice the bots around here are acting REALLY weird these days?

Wait so like Yew Nork hires guys to put our toxic sludge in?? that stuff isn't naturally made here??

Just saw a guy dumping a neon green liquid into the waterways by the barrel. He said he was making forbidden koolaid????

Its bad enough that we have PolluteInc Temp HQ here but now someone else is polluting our waterways too?! 🔪🔪🔪

I'd like to remind all citizens of Yew Nork, if you see someone pouring toxic sludge into the waterways for ANY reason, you should contact the authorities immediately.

BREAKING: There are villains other than Serpent King in Yew Nork? Click to read more about local sightings of Toxic Sludge...[READ MORE]

∷ᒷ!¡𝙹∷ℸ ̣ ?

Just saw that VCR dropped new single and its called "get @Anxie-TEA psychatric help because his music taste is so bad"

GUYS I THINK SOMEONES BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE

EVERYONE REPLYING WITH SAYING I DESERVE THIS IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY VCR'S MUSIC IS BAD AND YOU ALL KNOW IM RIGHT

Unfortunately its after business hours and I have no control over what my employees do in their free time.💛 You ought to call @xSwordMasterx for this one

Does anyone know where I can get that checkmark? Do I have to submit a form or something?

BREAKING: Breaking and Entering on the rise! Is your home safe? Recent surveys discuss the safest areas to live in our city and why that may be...[READ MORE]

Seeing as the election is in a few days, I would like to remind Yew Nork citizens to NOT VOTE FOR ME. It is ILLEGAL for me to take another term at this point! I WILL BE MOVING COUNTRIES IN ONE WEEK!

I can't wait to vote for Logan Sanders again! His green energy policies have done so much for Yew Nork!

For those of you asking. Yes. Toxic Sludge is in the running. So your options for mayor are: Logan Sanders, the single greatest, most overworked man in our country. OR. The Supervillain. Who. Is building. A RAT ARMY. IN OUR SEWERS. I REPEAT. RAT. ARMY. IN. THE S E W E R S.

BREAKING: Despite not being on the ballots, purposely performing no campaigning, and illegally modifying every vote that came in to change his name to his opponent's, Logan Sanders has won the mayoral vote for the fourth term in a row![READ MORE]

Congrats on the reelection, Logan Sanders. @Logansandersofficial

╎リ╎ℸ ̣ ╎ᔑꖎ ℸ ̣ ᒷᓭℸ ̣ ∷⚍リ ᓭ⚍ᓵᓵᒷᓭᓭ⎓⚍ꖎ

@xSwordMasterx What reasources do you need to detain our local villain

Oh no

BREAKING: IS OUR MAYOR CORRUPT? Logan Sanders places a hit out on Local Supervillain Serpent King in response to innocent congratulations...[READ MORE]

It is not only an honor but a pleasure to be entrusted with this task, dear mayor! Worry not Yew Nork! Your Hero will not let you down!

∷ᒷ!¡𝙹∷ℸ ̣ ?

BREAKING: Serpent King faces off with sword weilding cosplayer! Police on scene describe the situation as "Not Ideal"...[READ MORE]

Holy Shit guys i think the dude with the sword is that Sword Master guy Serpent King keeps tagging

Falling down stairs causes about 12,000 deaths per year.

Ah shit. I got caught in the fight area. Where's @ExcelLINDA? She usually posts updates on the Serpent King before the fights block off the roads.

Rest assured darlings that even though there was a party crasher at the events yesterday, next week I'll be back even bigger than before! 🐍💛

I know we're mortal enemies and everything but what brand of mascara does Serpent King use? For Official Hero Business Reasons

👁️👄👁️

リ𝙹 ᓭ╎⊣⍑ℸ ̣ ╎リ⊣ᓭ 𝙹⎓ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ∷ᒷ!¡𝙹∷ℸ ̣.

OH MY FUCK WHO IS MAKING THIS MUCH NOISE AT ASS OCLOCK

First of all I was already Full Fledged Rainbow so jot that down.

Do you guys think that Serpent King and Sword Master are a couple?

BREAKING: Unprecented record numbers of open Missing Persons cases reported in Yew Nork. Police suspect nerfarious new plot by Serpent King in the works...[READ MORE]

hey. does anyone else have a really bad feeling about everything all of a sudden?

Just picked up the first of our two guest stars!💛🐍 Festivities for tomorrow are almost ready! Get ready for a show so good you'll be paying me for more!

I can't remember the password to my alt so ignore my gimmick for a moment: Im at work (coffee shop) and I think SK just fucking walked in here in civies.

∴ᒷ ∴╎ꖎꖎ ⎓╎リ↸ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷ ||𝙹⚍ ᓵᔑリリ𝙹ℸ ̣ ⍑╎↸ᒷ ⍑╎ᒲ ⎓𝙹∷ᒷ⍊ᒷ∷

@OzoneBozone For no particular reason where do you work in the city

I've now watched @xSwordMasterx walk by this shop four times.💛 Sweetheart I'm beginning to get offended! Do I need to destroy the wall to get your attention?

I'm not paid enough for this. Serpent King and Sword Master are having a fucking coffee date in mY FUCKING COFFEE SHOP IN THEIR CIVIES

Alright I'm going to watch all the Leige of the Ringlets movies at the same time and see if that cures me of my depression. See you guys in three hours!

∷ᒷ!¡𝙹∷ℸ ̣

uhhh...?

ʖ∷╎リ⊣ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ⚍ᓭ ʖ|| ᔑリ|| ᒲᒷᔑリᓭ

BREAKING: Chaotic Mass Brainwashing unveiled in light of Serpent King's new scheme! Thousands of Yew Norkian citizens flood the streets speaking unknown language. Is this the end of Yew Nork? [READ MORE]

Excuse me?

IMPORTANT: YEW NORK IS EXPERIENCING AN EMERGENCY LOCKDOWN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. Everyone please stay inside and off the roads while authorities deal with the situation. Whatever this is.

ꖎ𝙹ᓵᔑℸ ̣ ╎リ⊣ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷.

ᒷᓭℸ ̣ ᔑʖꖎ╎ᓭ⍑╎リ⊣ !¡ᔑℸ ̣ ∷𝙹ꖎ !¡ᔑℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ ᒷ∷リᓭ.

WTFWTFWTF @xSwordMasterx DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS

IM GOING TO TRY TO EXPLAIN AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE, SO IM SORRY IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE I ONLY TOOK TWO TERMS OF HUMAN IN SCHOOL

ᓵ𝙹ᒲᒷ 𝙹⚍ℸ ̣ ꖎ╎ℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ ꖎᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷

ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ'ᓭ リ𝙹 ∴⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ ꖎᒷ⎓ℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ⍑╎↸ᒷ

IM NOT SWORD MASTER!!

IM REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS. THEY'RE LOOKING FOR ME. THEYRE PART OF A RACE OF ᓭꖌ╎リ∴ᔑꖎꖌᒷ∷ᓭ SORRY THAT DOESN'T TRANSLATE WELL THEYRE TRYING TO PERPETUATE A WAR WITH MY PEOPLE

SHOULD I BE CALLING THE NATIONAL GUARD? I DON'T EVEN GO HERE!

THEY KIDNAPPED ME 𝙹 ̇/ᒷᓭᔑリリ⚍ AGO TO INTERRUPT PEACE TALKS BECAUSE MY MOTHER IS THE QUEEN AND I MANAGED TO ESCAPE BUT MY SHIP WAS DAMAGED AND I CRASHED ONTO YOUR PLANET IM REALLY SORRY

Adorable. Truly. But doesn't seem like our problem.

That's awful! How can we help?

ᒲᔑ╎リℸ ̣ ᔑ╎リ╎リ⊣ !¡ᔑℸ ̣ ∷𝙹ꖎ !¡ᔑℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ ᒷ∷リᓭ

@Number1SwordMasterfan Explain your "plan".

Whoa whoa whoa! If we're just posting all this on the internet can't they see it?! Won't they know everything we're doing?!

⎓𝙹ᓵ⚍ᓭ 𝙹リ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⚍!¡!¡ᒷ∷ ꖎᒷ⎓ℸ ̣ ᑑ⚍ᔑ↸∷ᔑリℸ ̣ ᓭ

@Logansandersofficial ᓭꖌ╎リ∴ᔑꖎꖌᒷ∷ᓭ have complete mind control usually. You'd need something that induces an extreme emotion in everyone universally. Happy emotions are good, but if you can find something that enrages everyone at once we'll have a better chance!

Okay fine! we have a way to get some piece of media to people! What the fuck are we supposed to play that going to disrupt the thinking patterns or whatever of ALL OF YEW NORK? A comedy act?!

ᒲ𝙹∷ᒷ ∷ᒷʖᒷꖎᓭ ᓭ!¡𝙹ℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ ᒷ↸. ᓭ⚍ʖ↸⚍╎リ⊣ リ𝙹∴

This is still just a temporary measure. We can't play VCR over the TV and radio forever. Scientific studies show you shouldn't even play it for more than three minutes at a time without risking long term effects. @Number1SwordMasterfan-- there must be something else we can call you.

ꖎ𝙹ᓵᔑℸ ̣ ╎リ⊣ ⍑ᒷ╎∷

We should be able to coax them off? ᓭꖌ╎リ∴ᔑꖎꖌᒷ∷ᓭ don't really care about races as inconsequential as humans. Since they're here for me, getting me off the planet should convince them to leave as well.

You don't need to tag me. I would hardly entrust anything to you alone. Serpent King and Anxiety can deal with the brainwashing. The rest of us will get Patton to his ship.

ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ'ᓭ リ𝙹 ∴⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ ꖎᒷ⎓ℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ⍑╎↸ᒷ ∴ᒷ ∴╎ꖎꖎ ⎓╎リ↸ ||𝙹⚍ ꖎ╎ℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ ꖎᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷

Excellent! It's a plan! @Number1SwordMasterfan Where can I find you?

∷ᒷʖᒷꖎᓭ ᔑ∷ᒷ ℸ ̣ ⍑∷𝙹∴╎リ⊣ ╎ℸ ̣ ᒷᒲᓭ ⎓∷𝙹ᒲ ∴╎リ↸𝙹∴ᓭ !¡ᒷ∷ᒲ╎ᓭᓭ╎𝙹リ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ∷ᒷℸ ̣ ᔑꖎ╎ᔑℸ ̣ ᒷ

I might have 💛 accidentally 💛 poisoned you. During our coffee date earlier.

WHY

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

VERY CLEARLY I WAS NOT EXPECTING ALIENS TO DESCEND ON THE PLANET IN THE MEANTIME! IF I HAD KNOWN THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN IT TO HIM (probably)

リ𝙹 ᓭ╎⊣リ ╎リ ⚍!¡!¡ᒷ∷ ᑑ⚍ᔑ↸∷ᔑリℸ ̣ ᓭ ||ᒷℸ ̣

Oh I thought it was going to be something bad! It's alright I'm immune to poisons

∴⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ ╎ᓭ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷ ⎓╎リ↸ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍑ᒷ╎∷

what the fuck princey.

We are going to have a summer wedding.

ᒲ𝙹∷ᒷ ∷ᒷʖᒷꖎᓭ ᓭ!¡𝙹ℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ ᒷ↸. ᓭ⚍ʖ↸⚍╎リ⊣ リ𝙹∴

If that is enough of the dramatics, I would like to get this over with now.

I've been living in an apartment in the Northeast quadrant in the city. Its called uhm Serendity Apartments? I can make it to the street but there's patrols and I'm afraid my species is not exactly the top althetes of the galaxy

I also know where that is @Number1SwordMasterfan @xSwordMasterx both of you meet up in the lobby of the building without being seen. And keep the doors boarded up until Serpent King and Anxiety are ready.

ℸ ̣ ⍑╎ᓭ ╎ᓭ ℸ ̣ ᔑꖌ╎リ⊣ ℸ ̣ 𝙹𝙹 ꖎ𝙹リ⊣. ╎⎓ ⍑ᒷ ᒲᔑꖌᒷᓭ ╎ℸ ̣ ʖᔑᓵꖌ ╎ℸ ̣ ∴╎ꖎꖎ ∷⚍╎リ ᒷ⍊ᒷ∷||ℸ ̣ ⍑╎リ⊣

Okay I picked out my top nineteen VCR albums to chose from!

Wait something's happening. Do you guys feel that?

ꖌ╎ꖎꖎ ⍑╎ᒲ

Surprise 💛

ꖌ╎ꖎꖎ ᔑꖎꖎ ⍑⚍ᒲᔑリᓭ

ꖌ╎ꖎꖎ ᔑꖎꖎ ⍑⚍ᒲᔑリᓭ

Well that's not good!

@Number1SwordMasterfan What's "not good"? What are they saying?

ꖌ╎ꖎꖎ ᔑꖎꖎ ⍑⚍ᒲᔑリᓭ

We just watched all the minions stop and do a turn about. They're heading south now.

ꖌ╎ꖎꖎ ᔑꖎꖎ ⍑⚍ᒲᔑリᓭ

@Number1SwordMasterfan WHAT ARE THOSE MESSAGES SAYING

SK says we're five flying minutes from the broadcasting tower! if you get our planet blown up im going to haunt you for the rest of eternity.

Okay. Okay I'll stall. I can stall.

ꖌ╎ꖎꖎ ᔑꖎꖎ ⍑⚍ᒲᔑリᓭ

Someone has to distract these mindstealers from what they are doing! Protecting people and Saving the day is my job! What sort of hero would I be if I couldn't save my one fan?

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED WAS THAT AN EXPLOSION?

BREAKING: EXPLOSION FROM UNDERGROUND? The Return of Villain Toxic Sludge begins with MASS FLOODING THORUGH THE STREETS OF YEW NORK. Villain was sighted surfing through the toxic waters, breaking up the brainwashed crowds...[READ MORE]

Patton you can call me Roman. Roman Regal.