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That day’s student council meeting left Jeff feeling reflective.
The contents of it weren’t much different from usual. Budget discussion. Debate over what policies to try to talk to school administration about. (And get absolutely nowhere with because they were all stuck in their ways and Jeff was getting more and more convinced that the student council only existed to give everyone the illusion of having an impact.) Typical stuff. No, it was more the vibe than anything that had been talked about. There’d been an undercurrent of tension the entire time, and Jeff knew why.
Him, of course. Here he was, carrying along like usual, like the entire school wasn’t talking about the public falling out he’d had with Hidden Block. The one he hadn’t addressed at all after it happened. He’d just…moved on.
What else was there to do?
He’d tried for long enough, worked on himself but they just couldn’t stay out of things. It was more tiring than any of the late nights he’d spent with Ian, and at least those left him with positive feelings. So he’d thrown in the towel. If he just left them alone, they’d leave him alone eventually.
The hit to his reputation wasn’t doing him any favors, but whatever. It wasn’t crucial to his role as president, so he pressed on, showing up to the meetings and doing what needed to be done. He went through the motions, ignoring the uneasy atmosphere, the way half the other kids walked on eggshells like he’d blow up at them too the second they disagreed with him.
He wouldn’t. Jeff was exhausted and needed to pick his battles. The treasurer or secretary having an issue with something he said wasn’t one that he had to fight. Honestly, he didn’t care enough to. He’d never had a solid plan of action anyway. At this point, he’d be willing to just sit back and let them do whatever.
He walked away aimlessly from the classroom where the council met in Poppy Hall. Jeff’s daily routine was looser these days, with everything. No club meetings. Soccer season was over, and though practice was still held to keep everyone from getting rusty, he didn’t feel the need to turn up. He had no plans of continuing with that when he got to college, and PBG wasn’t even acknowledging his existence now, let alone hounding him about missing it.
The overpowering need to work work work away on his homework, studying, and essays had been absent too, especially with all the new holes in his schedule. He could pace himself more. He was in a good place, grades wise.
Was content the right word? Maybe. Maybe not. There was still a lot of work to be done. Essays and applications for college. It just didn’t feel…pressing.
Most of his worry had shifted to Ian these days. Those nightmares, with all their details he still couldn’t bring himself to tell Jeff, were still plaguing him every time he just couldn’t keep himself up anymore and succumbed to sleep. And for all he’d been completely checked out during the back half of the argument with Hidden Block in the cafeteria, he wasn’t unaffected by it, nor by whatever had clearly happened between him and Hana. Jeff hadn’t asked for details, just like Ian hadn’t asked when Jeff stopped talking to PBG.
They supported each other, but both of them knew when not to push it. What would set the other off, rather than make them feel better. That’s why they worked, why they still had each other even if nobody else would have them. They could chase off any loneliness that set in together.
Maybe Jeff would see what Ian was up to, actually. If he’d grabbed dinner yet, and if not, they could ditch campus and go into town. They’d actually have some more options than usual if they went now, versus their usual excursions. You could only go to Benny’s so many times, and he got the vibe that Ian had definitely had enough of that place. Ramen sounded pretty good. They had some pretty good desserts there too, if he remembered correctly. It’d been a while.
He slipped his phone out of his pocket and shot off the inquiring text to Ian, and rested against the empty wall of the hallway while he waited. He could go dump his stuff in his room in the meantime, but then he ran the risk of running into Caddy. He was being civil enough that he might be fine but… No, Jeff would rather wait and slip in while he was sleeping.
Knowing Caddy, he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from giving Jeff a piece of his mind forever. For the best to avoid him entirely when he could.
A few of the other students left in the hall, probably from other extracurriculars letting out, passed him by. They paid him a glance and traded looks with each other. He caught a few snippets, in their hushed voices after they turned the corner and thought he was out of earshot.
“..not even wearing the jacket…”
“...last as president, do you think?”
He couldn’t even bring himself to be annoyed by the gossip. It was inevitable. No shit people were going to talk and speculate.
And yeah, a part of him knew just how sad this all was. That he just stood and took it as everything was crashing down around him. There were just so many pieces, it would take so long to scramble and pick them all up, and some of them were definitely shattered beyond repair. Why bother? Why make things harder for himself? It’d all fall apart again no matter what he did. There was no going back from here. He just had to take it in stride. Look on the bright side.
Jeff was graduating this year anyway, he reminded himself. That connection was probably destined to sever regardless of where he’d stood with them. How many people stayed connected with their high school friends, after all? Cutting it off with them was saving him trouble in the long run. Saving him the slow and painful withering away of the relationships. He’d just…ripped off the bandaid.
He’d have a nice clean slate in college. He could even make new friends there, if he wanted. He’d keep in touch with Ian, obviously, because he still had one more year left here and he knew that’d be hard for him without Jeff right there for him but…
But…
But he’d be okay. Ian had been a loner his first year or so at Asagao. Even before all of this, he’d opted to spend a lot of his time alone. Maybe he could score one of the school’s few single rooms next year. Hell, it might help him sleep better. And if not, they could have their late nights together, just over Skype or Facetime or whatever.
Everything was going to be okay.
It would take a while, and shit sucked now, but hey, that was life. No point in moping about it, lingering too long on what could have been’s and I should’ve done that’s. That got you nowhere. The future was what he needed to focus on. The past was the past.
Hidden Block was in the past.
Jeff’s phone vibrated against his hand. He hadn’t realized how tightly he’d been clutching it until then. He lifted it to his face and a smile slipped onto it seeing the text. That alone made everything feel lighter.
[Ian] 5:32pm: yeah, sounds good to me. pretty sure the caf’s serving fuckin’ garbage today.
[Ian] 5:32pm: meet you by the tree?
Yeah, they’d be just fine. This was all they needed.