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Reki wasn’t going to let it stop him.
Afterall, he had gotten worse injuries and he was right handed. The tingling in his left hand was nothing, if not normal then. And the pain radiating down his elbow was low on the scale compared to the actual break a couple of months ago. Aside from catching himself from a bail and occasionally flailing for balance, Reki didn’t use his arms very much for skating. He could still do the one thing he loved most in the world.
So much had happened since the injury that the months had flown by. There was even worse pain, moments Reki would rather forget and others he’d remember forever, and plenty of worry for Langa’s well-being to take Reki’s mind off of himself. It was almost comforting to know that he’d lived with his symptoms during the lowest part of his entire life but the reminder that it was still there well after all the dust settled wasn’t exactly comforting. It was a nagging sensation, much more aggravating than the pull in the back of his hand.
Reki took his usual perch on top of the half pipe to use a water break as a guise to rub away what ache he could. With Langa unintentionally annoying Miya by not understanding the leveling system he was trying to use as a metaphor, Reki could cradle his left arm against his chest and rub his thumb against his middle finger. Trying to work feeling back into the digit, unsuccessfully.
Numbness felt different than he imagined it. Reki could feel his skin, the pressure he was putting on it. There was a faint sensation behind the tingling but it wasn’t like his fingers were just asleep, or on the worst days: what felt like his entire hand. It was kind of terrifying to touch something and not be able to feel it entirely. A massive indication that his hand wasn’t quite right. It should have been. It had been months..
“Slime!” Miya barked for Reki’s attention, drawing Reki out of his head and up out of his seat. “You know what I’m talking about right?”
Reki looked between Langa and Miya with wide eyes, having heard nothing past ‘dexterity’ a couple minutes ago. “Uhh..”
“Oh my god..” Miya grumbled and kicked his board up into his hand.
Langa shrugged when Reki looked to him for assistance getting a hint. Some help. His cluelessness was adorable but not best friend behavior. Miya looked genuinely frustrated instead of the usual mask of annoyance he wore. He was stomping his way to his discarded backpack, griping about how he chose to spend his crucial after school time with two idiots.
Reki was quick to slide down the ramp, thankful for a chance to do what he did best. Put others over himself. “Hey, wait.”
“Why? I don’t even know why I hang out with you losers.”
The bitten insult rolled right off Reki like it was the tiniest crack under a smoothly moving board. “Because you secretly love us.”
Miya leveled Reki with a glare that could cut right through the massive tree they used for shade on the hottest days. No words were needed for how Miya was regarding that true statement. Apparently it wasn’t a day the preteen was willing to show that he actually had a lot of fun with them. Reki understood wholeheartedly with a backpack full of secrets of his own as Miya tossed his school bag over his shoulder.
“Were you trying to explain something from Labyrinth of the..” Reki tried to remember the series Miya had gotten really into lately. It was right on the tip of his tongue. “The uh, shadow..bird?”
“The Shrouded Raven.” Miya corrected him with a blink that spoke volumes. Emerald eyes could be so expressive. He may as well have clearly called Reki a stupid slime.
Reki scratched at the back of his head in genuine embarrassment for forgetting. It was important to Miya, and he really tried to pay attention. Especially when months of listening had gotten Miya comfortable talking about his interests with the group. “Yeah sorry, I remember. But Langa’s comprehension begins and ends with action sports-”
“Hey,” Langa whined from somewhere behind. “That’s not true.”
“No it’s not but like, you can’t expect him to understand a complicated leveling system like you’re praising the game for having. He’s a basic human fighter kinda guy.”
At the insult to Langa, which wasn’t as much of an insult in Reki’s mind, Miya’s glare softened to a smirk. “With minus one intelligence.”
“Be nice,” Reki chided with a snickering hiss and gentle push to Miya’s shoulder.
A jolt of electricity down his finger caught him off guard and Reki was quick to hide his left hand behind his back like it was a visible bolt of lightning. But Miya was ever observant and the hardness of his eyes was back with a gleam as he took a step away. “What was that about?”
“Nothing-” Reki defended in a squeak, a quick witted (and usually dumb) excuse was ready to fly out of his mouth if Miya didn’t ask his next question with enough force to lodge it at the back of Reki’s throat.
“What? Do I have germs or something all of a sudden?”
Reki’s assumption of where all the hostility was coming from made him frown. Despite the burning in his forearm, he threw his arms around the prickly preteen before another assumption could be made by someone who not so secretly enjoyed Reki’s affection. The crushing hug kind. The one that made younger siblings squeak in indignation, like it was the worst thing to happen to them despite the fact they usually gave into the embrace because it was necessary. Reki would never let pain keep him from something he loved, even if it was a bratty best friend turned brother.
“Ugh!” Miya groaned after his two seconds of self-allowed enjoyment of the hug and pushed Reki away from him. “I didn’t need a hug.”
“Yeah you did,” Reki argued as he pulled his hand in his sleeve like the pins and needles were visible too. “You sure you still wanna go home? We are getting food after, I’ll pay.”
“I’m positive,” Miya snapped and straightened his uniform. Just the fact he was wearing it around them was proof of all of the progress they’d made. “I have plans with the guild and I don’t want your junk food.”
“But you love pizza!”
“Nu-uh.” He lied as he spun on his heel, missing the tail that usually punctuated his departures by copying the dismissing movement.
Reki rolled his eyes and ignored the denial for what it was: an enforced step away that he knew well. All of their similarities probably made them such good friends. The same could be said about the entire group really. They all came together over skateboarding but it was the sense of belonging that they didn’t get elsewhere that kept them in a close group. The oddballs of society, the daredevils, the misfits with a sense of individualism that kept big personalities large.
“Oh.” Miya turned back around with his board in both of his hands, cat graphics on full display. “I need you to replace my wheels and bearings.”
“Sure.” Reki agreed easily and held his right hand out to receive the excuse Miya was making to come over the next day. Kid was so obvious, sacrificing a faster way home and everything. “I could just do it now..”
“No, you need to take your time on it.”
Reki snickered as Miya hissed and shoved his board at him in the biggest display of trust that Reki felt bad meeting with his usable hand. But he had a good reason for keeping his lingering injury a secret.
Not only did he not want Miya to worry about him ever again, Langa was scarily protective. Like the guy didn’t risk his life multiple times in various races. The concept of concern being returned to him was absolutely lost on Langa. That’s what made Reki so doubtful of Langa’s comprehension skills. Add in the fact Reki had been just as obvious that he had a crush on him as Miya was about wanting to be friends, he was very certain Langa wasn’t grasping much of anything that didn’t involve standing on a board.
As Reki made his usual promises to have the work done by the time Miya got off school, there was a screech of wheels in the background. His head snapped to the sound so fast, he almost got whiplash but for another good reason. Reki was concerned Langa had just bailed hard and the skateboard flying across the park and best friend groaning on the ground was the most obvious thing yet.
“Oh dude..” Reki huffed a laugh as Langa laid flat out on the concrete. “You good?”
The only reply was a grumble that Reki couldn’t make out from a distance, but he knew he had another perfect distraction from his pain as Miya left with a jab about Langa needing to “get good.” Langa was where Reki preferred to have his attention anyway. The small smile of embarrassment Langa was sure to have in a couple minutes would erase the pain, for a moment at least.
(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)
Reki stared at the pieces on his workbench like the longer he focused on them, the more likely he was able to suddenly develop the power of telekinesis. The job ahead of him was easy, something he’d done a million and a half times. It wasn’t like buying a bench vice to make sanding still possible for him. It wasn’t like saving the process of sawing for the best days. It was as simple as holding his wrench. The thing he wore as an accessory. A huge part of his life. That just so happened to require both hands to steady it and one wasn’t working..
The pain had just gotten worse and worse throughout the day and even though Reki knew for fact it would ebb, the thought that it was going to be permanent was creeping into his mind like the shadows of sunset streamed through his workshop window. He couldn’t bend his middle or ring finger. They were just stuck. And the tingling was spreading further down his hand into his wrist and even that was starting to become difficult to move. Each flare, he panicked that it would drop again. That’d he’d spend the week it took for the chronic inflammation to go down hiding his useless hand from the world. Hoodies were the greatest gift in the entire world and Reki threw his hood up with a sigh.
“Still can’t decide which wheels?” Langa asked from his lounge on the floor. His favorite place to barely do his homework.
Reki turned with a thin lipped expression as the lie he was running with that evening. He couldn’t tell Langa that he was fully intent on using the same 54 mms he always did for Miya’s cruiser. It was just easier to be indecisive than it was to admit to the subtle knit of Langa’s brows that Reki was far more worried about struggling in front of him. Not only would Langa probably insist Reki “rest” like it was the magic cure for every injury, he’d probably take his board off the workbench with a pout.
Deep down, Reki knew it wouldn’t be because Langa didn’t trust him to do a good job even if he knew about the hindrance. Up on the surface was a reminder that working on everyone’s board was something Reki could do well that no one else could. His individuality. He was proud of his craftsmanship, way more than he was about his skating abilities in a group full of prodigies. And there he was, struggling to do something so simple.
What was he going to do if someone’s trucks needed a quick wrench? Or if he needed to drive the moped again? How would Langa get off his helmet if Reki couldn’t use two of his fingers to free the cutie from a buckle that was apparently impossible for him?
At this rate, Reki was headed towards not being able to unbutton his own jeans again. God it was embarrassing to have to get help like the toddlers. He was sitting on the step to the genkan like Nanaka and Chihiro did, waiting for his mom to help him tie his shoes.
“You okay?” Langa asked with a slight tilt to his head. Snapping Reki’s gaze off from the wood paneling, right to beautiful blue eyes. “You don’t have to fix my board tonight-”
Reki startled at the insistence. “No, it's fine! I’ve got this. I mean I might not tonight but I can have it done by the morning.” Probably. If he got Koyomi to hold his tool steady for him.. “I’m just.. Tired.”
If Langa believed the lie, he didn’t give any indication of it. He just blinked slowly as he processed Reki’s quick manner of speaking. A polite way of saying Reki spewed too much at once for Langa to translate. “Wanna call it a night?”
“Yeah.. that’s probably a good idea.”
Reki was so quick to concede against his plans with the heaviest sigh yet. He didn’t want to stop hanging out with Langa but there was this strange feeling inside of him that was becoming more and more urgent at each and every throb in his arm. It hurt. And not just like thousands of needles under his skin, what had been like a candle flame earlier was now a raging bonfire in his veins. Reki would have been fine with spontaneously combusting if it meant he didn’t have to feel the radiating pain. And with his brain resorting to destructive thoughts, he pushed himself away from his workbench with haste.
The urge to cry was balling at the back of his throat, as it often did when he focused directly on his pain. The amount of time he could bear it was becoming less and less. Reki was willing to resort to emergency-only pain medication hours ago. Even if he knew it wouldn’t work, he could still pray for a placebo effect. Just like he hoped Langa didn’t hear the tear in his voice when he made his rambly excuse.
“I’m gonna go right to bed dude,” Reki said the first truly honest thing in a while. “And I’m sorry, like, I know I said I was gonna do this stuff and I will, I just can’t keep a thought to save my life. I’ll have a better idea about the wheels after I sleep and I can’t paint over that huge scratch you got today if-”
The immense disappointment in himself sunk abruptly, choking him a little bit as that ball in the back of his throat turned into a boulder that landed harshly in his stomach. Because what if he could never hold Langa’s board still again? What if he couldn’t fix Langa’s yeti ever again? Would the graphic just disappear? His mark on Langa’s life, gone. A symbol of no matter how high Langa went, Reki would be right there with him. Technically.
“Reki, it’s fine if you can’t right away.” Langa tried to insist as he stood clumsily, dropping his textbook and scribbled math all over the floor. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Reki faked a strained smile and shoved his numb hand into his hoodie pocket. He could only feel the fabric on his thumb, which was so weird and so stupid. “Yeah, totally. You good to walk yourself out?”
“Uh-”
He wasn’t waiting for an answer. As much as Reki took care of Langa, he was a whole capable near-adult. It was a courtesy question, just like the quiet see you in the morning Reki gave before he was rushing across his yard.
A sense of urgency was nipping at his heels and guilt was sure to bite him later but Reki desperately wanted to get inside his house. His safe space that he didn’t have to hide in, mostly because he didn’t have a choice. Pain didn’t give him an option and if he wanted to be a whole capable near-adult, that required asking for help. Reki really wasn’t good at that.
In fact, he didn’t want to admit that his pain was worse than it had been in months because it felt like an immense loss. A defeat he wasn’t ready to face because staring him down was a permanent disability. Which was even stupider than the nerve he severed controlling the entire middle of his hand. Dumber than the surgery to repair it not working immediately. Just as foolish as he was, running into his dark bedroom to cry like a dramatic princess in a movie.
He landed in his bed with a sob forced out of him not just by the hard fall but by the idiotic thoughts. So what? His brain tried to tell him he was being ridiculous. People with much more severe disabilities led incredible lives. What did it matter if he couldn’t use his fingers again? Reki still had so much else. He had eight working fingers, holding things wasn’t impossible, it was just difficult. Was he so weak that he wasn’t willing to try? He was already crumbling under the weight of something that wasn’t bad enough to warrant a pain management plan, yet.
Reki had an entire year left to wait to see if it improved with physical therapy. He had options that helped slightly but what if the rest of his life was going to be this cycle that felt endless? Promises that every day was a tiny improvement, even if it didn’t feel like it, only to end up where he was. Crying into his pillow, biting into the case of it to try and distract himself from the radiating agony that was just spreading. Into his chest even, as breathing was becoming quite difficult.
The shaky inhale ended up coming out as something like a groan he could only pray no one in his house heard. Reki could not handle someone rushing into his room and he held his heaving breath to listen if the familiar low noise of his house was uninterrupted, only to hear a call of his name.
“Reki?”
Langa was presumably standing in the doorway and despite not wanting to be seen in the slightest, Reki rolled over before he could fight his immense surprise. His arm felt so strange and immensely painful to land on, it sent even more tears streaming down his face and him biting into his lip to stop the wail that would have come out.
“You left your-”
“Don’t!” Reki screamed to stop Langa’s backlit silhouette from reaching for the light switch.
His reaction was so extreme, Langa froze entirely. The entire room froze like time stopped. Reki stopped breathing entirely and the chill of something unknown started to invade his warm hoodie and burning cheeks. But of course it didn’t touch the searing hot pain that throbbed out of time with his racing heart. And thankfully, not the distant chatter of all of the girls in his house either.
Reki had no idea why he yelled, aside from the fact he felt cornered. Fight or flight varied so wildly with him but he had so many other things to default on. He could have lied more. Composed himself quick enough to greet whatever Langa’s quiet brand of kindness was bringing him. Nope. He just screamed, like the toddler he felt like and then didn’t do anything. Even with how insistent he was that Langa didn’t take away the darkness, Reki didn’t fight the light exposing what a sorry state he was in.
His eyes pinched shut against the flash of his overhead light turning on, avoiding seeing Langa’s immediate reaction too but he heard it. The disbelief in Langa’s voice, a break in the even tone. “Are you crying?”
Reki couldn’t lie but stupidly tried to hide all the evidence. He covered his face with his hands and almost sobbed again when that didn’t work because of his useless hand. He poked himself in the eye because his fingers wouldn’t flex back.
When Langa realized the answer, he was predictably rushing across the room. Reki didn't need to look to know Langa's brows were knit in concern and the expression he was wearing was probably something similar to anger. A weight landed on Reki's bed, bouncing him just as he fell back into his pillows. Fighting against Langa was even more impossible than admitting defeat. He was so stubborn. But he didn't tear Reki's hands away from his face, and he was far more gentle than the last time Reki was injured. As far as Langa knew..
“What's wrong?” He asked, a crack away from broken while Reki felt like he was shattering. “Why are you crying? Are you upset?”
Yes but no. Reki almost wanted to answer. The constricting pressure of secrecy was trying its best to force words out of him but he had no idea how to explain in a way that wouldn't end up with Langa storming out of the house. He didn't like lies. Absolutely hated it when Reki hid his feelings since they exploded on a rainy night.
Along with promises to skate for infinity, Reki swore up and down the Okinawan coast he wouldn't let things reach such a point ever again. He couldn't do that with the love of his life. Relationships didn't work without communication and Langa's friendship was just as important- more important than any kind of romantic relationship. If it wasn't, Reki would have spilled his entire soul out months ago. He was just so scared..
“Reki..”
“I just want to go to bed.” The truth came out coarsely from his torn throat. “I just want to sleep.”
“But..” Langa sounded so confused and his argument trailed off.
Reki’s heart ached just about as badly as his arm did when he forced out the next couple of words. “Just go, please.”
He didn’t want to be alone but he knew from experience that someone else’s presence didn’t make it hurt any less. Reki’s optimism wanted Langa to be the one to finally make a difference but that day was all the proof he needed to be thoroughly convinced this was the one thing Langa couldn’t improve just by being around. It was the worst sign yet and it felt like Reki was losing two things he loved at once all over again. It felt like all the promises he would eventually recover meant nothing.
“I don’t want to.” Langa asserted quietly in the suffocating silence. “You’re hurting. Is it your arm?”
All of Reki’s breath was caught in the constriction of his chest. His face started to heat behind his hands with shame at being so obvious that Langa figured it right out. When Langa realized that Reki was a liar, he’d leave. Reki was waiting for it to happen, to just get it over and done with.
“You’ve been holding it all day.” Langa said as if Reki needed the evidence of how stupid he was for trying to keep a secret. “And keeping your left hand under the table..”
A soft sob was muffled by the press of Reki’s palms further against his mouth as he felt the softest brush against his index finger. Langa must have been touching the fingers Reki couldn’t feel. The ones that were still dropped and finally not being useless. They were keeping Reki’s eyes closed so he couldn’t see any of the disappointment he heard in Langa’s voice.
“Why did you not say anything?” Langa asked a question that he knew wouldn’t get an answer. “Why did you just leave again? What would Miya say?”
Reki turned away, towards his wall, well away from Langa who wasn’t going to budge on his extremely good points. Miya would be much sharper in his rightful anger at Reki breaking a promise again, but Langa’s questions may as well have increased the size of the needles beneath Reki’s skin. Each one felt like a stab wound. Burning hot as his face just flushed further, only for the next sound in his quiet room to completely douse him in cold water.
“I’m sorry.”
A pitiful sound finally made it out of Reki’s mouth, probably only because it was parted in surprise. Langa’s apology sounded like he was taking blame again but this wasn’t like their last argument. Reki was completely at fault. Langa had no reason to be sorry.
“Why?” Reki asked, desperately as an urge to stop Langa from hurting, as it sounded like he might be, took over Reki’s body. “Why are you sorry?”
Langa waited to answer until Reki had sat up in something that could only be described as panic. His brain started to flood with possibilities. And the biggest one was that this was the beginning of something else he wanted to avoid, being treated differently because something was massively wrong with him. Reki almost fell to pieces when Langa was looking at him softly with no hint of expected hardness. Not even his eyes. Those were the ocean they always were when Langa wasn’t racing.
“I’m sorry because I don’t want to be mad.” He explained with a glance to his hands clasped in his lap.
“Why not? You have every right to be.”
Brilliant blue flew up with a gleam across them as Langa’s gaze pinned Reki into place as if it was a full glare. “Stop digging your own grave for two seconds.”
Reki was stunned back into silence, unintentionally waiting patiently for Langa to heave a sigh.
“You always do that, be so mean to yourself when you’re so nice to everyone else. Well not always. You kicked me into the ocean once and we prank Shadow all of the time but you know what I mean.”
Reki certainly understood and he bit into his lip to stop any sort of rebuttal from coming out. Whether it was going to be a whole-hearted agreement that he could be an asshole or a defense of some sort for his actions, he didn’t even know. One thing was certain, not even Langa’s intensity or sheer amount of words stopped any bit of the pain in his arm. Reki fought cradling it in the following silence, but still hid his hand in his pocket as the other started to clench his blankets.
Langa glanced down at the fisted comforter before looking back at Reki with a frown. “I get why you hide all the time. You get so easily embarrassed, so I’m trying really hard not to be mad because you probably are… How long?”
“All day.” Reki admitted as he looked away from being accurately assessed. Like he suddenly got four wheels and Langa understood everything. Just like how he had been able to help design his board to be the perfect transition it was between snowboarding and skating.
“No, I know that.”
“And were nice enough not to say anything..” Reki realized under his still shaky breath. “You’re nice for how much of a jerk you can be too.”
“I’m not a jerk.” Langa insisted as the weight on the bed shifted.
Reki took a peek to see the pout he expected. The adorable cross of arms and the purse of Langa’s thin lips. It almost made him smile. “Just the other day you implied that I must not know what deodorant is.”
“Why do you choose the weirdest things?” Langa's arms fell down with a huff. “Like your weird salt toothpaste and your natural scent deodorant. They just don’t work.”
“See, jerk behavior.” That Reki adored.
Langa leveled him a look that was a million times softer than any Miya had shot in Reki’s direction. Reki was unaffected and only shifted in his bed to lean on the wall because he was still so uncomfortable. Even with the banter of best friends, there was still something lingering. But maybe it was because Langa was somehow still himself that Reki found himself admitting more.
He answered Langa’s original question in a mumble. “Ever since my arm broke the last time.. I didn’t tell you because you were so overprotective when we went to the beach..”
“You weren’t hurting this bad then..” Langa said in strained disbelief.
“No..” Reki shifted and sighed, succumbing to the need to lighten the load on Langa’s shoulders in any way that he could. No matter how massive his own was. “No, the surgery worked at first but-”
“You had surgery?!” The loud volume of Langa’s question startled them both. Reki sat back with a couple of wide blinks and Langa slapped his hand over his mouth. It fell slowly as he nearly whispered his next unnecessary apology. “Sorry, I’m listening.”
“That’s a surprise.”
“Reki.”
“Sorry..”
“Don’t. Just keep explaining.” Langa wasn’t giving him a choice and Reki didn’t want to say that each true word was lifting a bit of weight off his chest.
“Fine.. I had surgery because when my arm broke it severed the nerve in my arm I guess. And they put it back together but it still gets inflamed sometimes because of the damage and it.. It hurts, Langa, but it's not just that.”
Reki wasn’t sure where he was going but Langa let him figure it out. His frown said so much while he said nothing as Reki’s grip on his blankets increased. Reki was struggling to get the next bit out, like if he said it: it would come true.
“It’s so stupid..” He said as the ball at the back of his throat came back with vengeance. Instantly lining tears in his eyes.
“Here’s something really stupid.” Langa said, drawing Reki’s watery eyes to his huff through his nose. “I came inside with the excuse that you left the bearings on your workbench. Like you’ve ever put your stuff away. It’s the dumbest thing but it was all I could think of. So whatever you say can’t be stupider than that.”
“..why did you need an excuse to come in here? You just walk in all the time now.”
“Because I wanted to check on you.”
Reki frowned at the familiar few blinks. Langa may as well have been silently calling him a stupid slime too. “I didn’t think I was so obvious..”
“You’re not. I just stare at you too much. Keep explaining.”
Leave it to Langa to not even let Reki process that before he was literally being poked and prodded to continue. Reki swatted away the finger jabbing into his thigh with his good hand while he pulled out the other in explanation. Showing Langa what he’d already seen, but highlighting the severity. Reki bent his thumb, index finger, and pinky while the two in the middle stayed stuck. Numb and useless.
“They just don’t work.” Reki said softly, nearly under his breath as all those unshed tears began to fall as he couldn’t look away from what he was facing. “They are numb and just getting worse.. And I don’t want it to get really bad again.”
“..Again?”
“That week I wrapped my wrist and said I sprained it, I was just hiding that it couldn’t flex back.” Reki demonstrated, extremely upset that the dropping his hand relieved a bit of the immense pain keeping his tears flowing. “It’s flare ups, I guess. They say it’ll go away eventually but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like this time it’ll stay forever and I’ll be stuck like this forever. That- that it’ll be permanent.. And that’s so stupid.”
Langa was quiet and didn’t stop Reki from shoving his hand back into his hoodie pocket. Not even from turning away as the burn at the back of his throat was starting to reach the same level of intensity as the pain. Everything was made so much worse by Langa’s silence. Reki knew realistically it was because Langa was processing but it felt like he was imagining the same thing. Wondering about the future exactly like Reki did but in a judgmental way that would never be the case.
No matter how loud Reki’s brain was screaming that horrible thought, Reki was still fighting against it. Langa wouldn’t stop being his friend because of something like this. It would be everything else Reki had done wrong. The lying. The hiding. The breaking of promises..
“I-” Langa started and then stopped. Reki’s eyes flew to him in worry, just in time to watch his heavy sigh and deflation. “That’s not stupid. That’s such a valid fear.”
“But people live with worse things, Langa,”
“Reki stop.” Langa begged, the plea making waves in the shallows of his eyes. “Just stop comparing yourself to other people. You’re allowed to be scared of that happening no matter what other people are living with. And it makes even more sense you would keep it hidden when you’re scared. And there’s nothing I can do about any of this.”
Reki shook his head softly as his heart broke upon verbal confirmation of something he already knew.
“I don’t forgive you completely for keeping it from me but-” Thankfully the conjecture came quickly, Langa wasn’t giving Reki a chance for many dramatic reactions. Which was a miracle in and of itself. “I’m trying to understand. So. What do you need?”
“Huh?” He stuttered at the very decisive sounding question. Like Langa made an oath right then and there to do anything Reki asked him to.
“Like you hate when I tell you to rest, even though you need it. What should I do? Because I want to go run out to the living room and tell your mom that you’re in enough pain to be crying when you didn’t shed a single tear when you broke your arm in the first place. You’d hate that too, or you wouldn’t have been by yourself in the dark. So should I leave? I don’t want to do that.”
Reki huffed a laugh of complete and utter disbelief. Although a piece of the chuckle was amusement at the adamant shake of Langa’s head at the end of a rant. And he just kept going.
“That’s ridiculous, yeah. I’m not leaving.” He said as he stood up, looking to be a hypocrite as he went to the door. Only to close it and continue. “Do you have pain medicine at least? Like I can grab that. Or I know where the ice pack is. Does ice help? I have absolutely no idea how to treat nerve pain.”
“Heat helps, sometimes but Langa,” Reki hated to break it to him, but he had to. Even if saying it out was just as painful as hearing it from the doctor. “There’s not much to do.. I’m already doing it. They won’t do more until it's been a while, until it looks like it's more permanent..”
Langa looked dumbfounded and furious all at once. “What? But it’s been months. It’s been months since that happened.”
“Feels like years.”
“Yeah.” He agreed with a curt nod, but the second, softer, one dropped his shoulders from his ears. “At least I hope it does..”
Reki offered him a small smile that wasn’t fake. The events of last year were behind them but the promises they made were ahead of them. That’s why Reki wasn’t surprised Langa sat back on his bed with his fist raised for a dap that Reki met eagerly. As his good hand formed the second half of the infinity symbol, his smile grew a little wider. Only to fall a little bit at the reminder that the other hand probably wouldn’t make it again. But Langa wasn’t having that.
All of a sudden the dap was broken and both of Langa’s hands were on Reki’s face. Only instead of pinching his cheeks to force a grin like Reki did to him all the time, Langa lifted Reki’s lips in a completely different way. With his own. With a kiss that turned everything warm, molten.
Reki was going to explode. Burst from the inside out. He was completely red when Langa pulled away and continued on like he didn’t just completely change the landscape of the entire world with only a brush of their lips together. Reki could still feel the lingering shape and warmth of them while the rest of him was going completely numb in shock.
“Kay, I have an idea. If you’re doing everything then a distraction is probably the best idea but it’s gotta be something you can do in bed.”
“...what?!” Reki asked in squeaky concern they were just jumping relationship steps like gaps. Next thing he knew they were going to be at the altar if they’d just gone from friends to kissing with no warning.
“That game Miya keeps wanting you to play is perfect. We can play it together, he’ll be- wait what?” Langa spun away from Reki’s bookshelf with wide eyes. “Why are you squeaking like that? I didn’t mean it like that!”
“Because you just kissed me dude, what the heck am I supposed to think?”
Langa’s face pinched in disgust, even though he blushed. Fiercely. All the way to his ears. “You are a boy.”
“So are you!” Reki argued, as defensiveness had him bringing up his clenched blanket to his chest like it would hide the rapid pounding of his heart. Like it was visibly beating out of his hoodie. “Why did you kiss me?!”
“Because I wanted to.” Langa said with a huff, and turned back to grab Reki’s switch from where it sat being guarded by gundams. “And I love you. And I couldn’t figure out how to tell you without making you upset. So that’s just my way of saying I’m not going anywhere.”
Reki couldn’t figure out how that could have possibly made him upset. He was over the moon. Melting from the immense heat coursing through every inch of him. His body had too many sensations happening at once. Fluttering, numbness, pounding and weightlessness. Leave it to Langa to find the most unconventional distraction but the pain wasn’t erased. Just slightly dulled, losing its center stage to something far more important. An assurance. One that couldn’t be misconstrued because it was so decisive and obvious.
Langa turned with the Switch held out in one hand while the other one scrubbed at his blush like it would erase it. Reki knew that fruitless endeavor all too well. “Here, get it started while I go ask your mom for something that’s hot.”
“Are we not talking about this?” Reki asked as he tentatively reached for his console.
“Um,” Langa said in a completely unfamiliar voice, high and indecisive. “We can, but I need a second.”
Reki didn’t mean to bark a laugh at Langa’s fluster. He also didn’t mean to cover his mouth with his left hand. He hated that the awful tingling of touch erased the lovely sensation of Langa’s kiss. His frown was met with a soft smile. The prettiest of Langa’s expressions, only having the slightest edge over toothy joy. Both were so genuine.
“I think I’m fine with our lack of communication here.. As long as you’re not upset..” Langa said, the gentlest prod.
Reki shook his head much more adamantly than Langa ever had. His headband came off and everything as he tried to ensure Langa he wasn’t upset in the slightest. Because if he was honest, being even more forthcoming didn’t sound like the best idea to him either. Just the thought of explaining even more, all the embarrassing pining, was tightening his throat much further.
Reki took a lesson out of Langa’s book and just grabbed Langa by the shirt collar to smash their faces together as an answer that couldn’t be misconstrued. An option of hiding that was so much easier as both of their eyes would be closed. He peeked to make sure and watched the soft flutter of Langa’s delicate lashes over his cheek as he melted into their second kiss that was just as wonderful as the first.
It was something incredible to linger as pulling away left them both a complete mess. Langa ran away mumbling and Reki hid his entire head in his sweatshirt with the most embarrassing wheeze, but it was perfect. Mutual. Something Reki didn’t have to worry about. No matter what came next, Langa would be there as another safe space and he was willing to do anything for Reki. Just like Reki was willing to do for him.
Eventually, Reki needed to tell Miya too but he preferred to take things one step at a time. That huge leap was enough for one day.
(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)
“So.” Reki crossed his arms over his chest, to hide the pounding of his heart and his hand that kept him up the entire night. “Um. Your board’s not done.”
Miya just blinked at him in sheer confusion. Which felt incredibly fair. His gaze flickered away to Langa half asleep on the workbench behind Reki and Miya was about to make one of two assumptions. Either that Reki and Langa finally got together and spent the night being gross, which wasn’t entirely wrong but chronic pain limited all of the kissing Reki wanted to cuddling. Or Miya was going to put the blame on himself. Think he was “too much” when Reki promised him he wasn’t. It took so long for him to accept the care and attention no one else in his life gave him. Reki wasn’t going to let Miya think that, even though he was so scared to admit the truth.
“I’ve been,” Reki started and glanced at Langa too for the strength he needed to keep going. A tired half smile was more than enough, it swelled Reki’s heart and pushed out the honesty. “I’ve had nerve problems since I broke my arm and I’m having a really bad flare up right now. I can’t hold my T-tool steady.”
Miya was so quick. The fact he took a second to process was incredibly concerning. He gave absolutely no indication of his reaction either. Emerald eyes were staring into Reki’s and not wavering in the slightest. Usually they would give some kind of hint and they hadn’t. But no immediate anger was an immense relief but Reki’s posture stayed rigid. Waiting for something.
The silence was long enough that Langa had started to stir, presumably readying to Reki’s unworthy defense but then Miya said one word. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Reki asked in surprise. “Just okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” Miya repeated, with a slight bite as he hated repeating himself. “It’s okay. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me and I’m genuinely proud of you for doing so.”
Reki was dumbfounded at the sudden switch in their relationship. He felt like a little brother despite being what felt like a foot taller. The praise felt nice, but didn’t erase his complete confusion. “What? Huh? Aren’t you mad?”
“No.” Miya said easily and walked right past him into the workshop Reki had been unintentionally guarding. “I promised I wouldn’t be.”
“Promised who?!”
“None of your business.” He hissed over his shoulder as he took Reki’s yellow stool right next to Langa. “Langa, I need your help getting the bearings out.”
Langa looked just as confused as Reki felt when he glanced at Reki in something like permission. Reki just shrugged because he had absolutely no idea what was happening.
“Um sure.” Langa agreed softly with one more glance at Reki before he turned to help with something he had no idea how to do. Quiet kindness while Reki could not keep his mouth shut.
“You’re seriously not mad?” He asked again. The question was tinged with all of the worry he’d been drowning in the night before. “I lied.”
Miya sighed heavily before he spun himself effortlessly on a stationary stool to face Reki with none of the disappointment he was expressing in his exhale worn on his face. The sharp kid was soft. “Yeah. You did, but you’re about to say sorry and I’ll tell you that I forgive you and mean it. You weren’t ready to tell everyone, and that’s okay. Just because we are friends doesn’t mean I’m entitled to know everything about your life.”
Hearing someone else’s words coming out of Miya’s mouth made everything click in Reki’s mind. The original statement must have come from Cherry, because he’d said something very similar to Reki once. Much more formally and with much more sass but for a good reason, Reki had been prying. But he was right, Cherry and Miya, Reki wasn’t ready.
He really wasn’t that afternoon either but he wanted to rip the remaining bandaid off as Langa had forced him to peel back one already. The wound beneath wasn’t healed and it would probably be a while until it was. Admitting to something with an uncertain outcome was hard. Reki had no idea if his nerve damage was going to be permanent or if it was going to heal like everyone was hoping. He wouldn’t have answers to questions and he didn’t like letting down eager to help people by explaining just how little there was to do.
Yet Langa handled it all like a champion, Reki was sure the rest of the group would too. When he was ready to admit what they already knew, he knew he’d have their support too if he needed it.
“Okay.” Reki said with a sigh of his own, that was more like a breath of relief. “Just because I didn’t tell you doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life or anything.”
Miya smiled. Full sharp teeth and everything. “I know.”
“Good. Um, by the way, Langa and I got to the second boss in the Labyrinth of the Shadow Raven last night.”
“You guys were up all night and only got to the second boss?”
“Well since I’m totally fine including you in my life in everything else..” Reki chimed with a mischievous grin and pleasant sparkle in his heart. “We are totally dating and all the kissing definitely delayed-”
Miya interrupted the playful exaggeration with a groan. “Oh my god, you’re going to be so much more insufferable now!”
Langa hid his smirk with his hand as Reki snickered at such dramatic disgust. It wasn’t serious in the slightest and he was so glad to hear it. He was beaming as he crossed the workshop to mess Miya’s dark hair and make him squawk like a raven. “Don’t worry-”
“Don’t ruffle my hair!”
“We won’t be gross in front of you. When it's the three of us, we are besties.”
Finally, shock seemed to catch Miya over the strangest thing. He looked absolutely astounded at the slang Reki used with purpose. The two of them were his best friends. “Bestie?”
“Yeah. Besties!”