Chapter Text
Everyone knows that numb feeling just before waking up. Mix that with a stinging headache and you know the feeling the small winged god was experiencing.
The sun burned as he opened his eyes against the bright sunrays. He looked around disorientedly. Where was he?
His eyes had not fully gotten used to the light but he could still make out the shapes of some leaftrees all around him. A forest?
His vision slowly cleared as he looked down at his hands. Small hands, pale skin, covered by shining green moss. He quickly wiped it off, checking his legs too.
How long had he been asleep? Slowly, memories seeped back into his mind.
The traveler... He had helped them in the final battle between Teyvats citizens, the Abyss and Celestia itself. But everything was blurry. He only remembered how he had carried some of the injured back to the small medical camp. Somewhere along the way back he was shot.
Phantom pain filled the nerves in his right wing. Carefully he moved it forward a little to get a better look at the wound. To his suprise, it was almost fully healed, only crystal teal bloodstains¹ remaining in the once snowy white.
Again, how long had he slept?
Sunken in his memories he picked small pieces of moss and dead leaves out of his precious wings and hair. The small, cyan braids on either side on his face were a bit messy but he didn't care. He could rebraid them later.
How did he even end up in an unfamiliar forest? This was not Mondstadt, was it?
Carefully, he stretched out his legs to prepare them for standing upright again. He was wobbly at first, like his legs had forgotten how to stand and walk.
Where did he even want to go? He didn't know.
He was cold..
Placing his hands together in a praying motion he switched his Archon form to that of the human he pretended to be. No wings, no power, just him. The dress shirt and green cape covered his skin from the eyes of birds nesting in the trees. His legs still shivered despite being wrapped in his usual white and gold leggins. He didn't know if they really shivered from coldness thrown over him by the treeshades or from the unusual feeling of standing up. Carefully he stumbled over to one of the age old trees to steady himself.
He felt so weak. It scared him. But then he felt it. A cold feeling flooding his veins, filling his entire body with strengh.
His hands quickly found their way to his chest to feel a heartbeat he hadn't felt for way too long.
His Gnosis pulsatet inside his chest.
Slow and careful he reached inside to pull it out, staring at the small, blue glimmering chess piece in his hands.
His throat was dry. He had to show the traveler. With the Gnosis in hand he started to walk. Mondstadt had always been to the north so he turned his back on the sun and just started walking.
He was glad his wings were safely hidden inside his very soul in that form. He wasn't sure how far he could carry himself with them as an additional weight, even if his strengh was slowly returning.
---------
"Who are you? And what are you doing here?", someone suddenly asked. It made the small god jump. Inazuman? No, not quite. A different accent?
Red glowing eyes stared at him, a kind of waryness inside them. The mans hair was just as black as the rest of his clothes, except for his grey scarf and yellow goggles hidden underneath it. It made the small god smile, he didn't know why.
"Well, my dear friend, I could ask you the same.", he answered, the smile spreading across his face. His hand tightened around the Gnosis. "I'm pro-hero Eraserhead.", the man said. The small god could see how the hand around the mans scarf loosened. Was he not seeing him as a threat anymore? Or did he think that his title would give him an advantage? What did he even mean when he said he was a hero? Was he a new knight of favonius? No, his clothes were different. Was he like Master Diluc?
"Oh that sounds great! My name is Venti, it's very nice to meet you, Eraserhead." He had no clue what it meant to be a hero.
The man seemed pretty confused by his reaction. "Well, hello.. What are you doing here? Where are your parents?"
That was a first for the god. Even if people thought he was underage, he had never been asked about parents. Did this hero also think he was underage?
"Ah, don't worry about me, I'm just looking for my friend.", Venti smiled. "And then I'm going to find myself a nice apple tree to relax in."
The strange man looked at him more worried than satisfied but he stayed quiet for some time. "Maybe I can help you find your friend. What do they look like?", he then said. Venti didn't want this stranger to follow him. He wasn't sure if he could trust the man in front of him. But he wanted to find the traveler as fast as possible.
"They're barely taller then me, blonde, golden eyes and usually wear that old scarf. I always tell them it's ugly but they never listen to me."
Eraserhead only nodded. Just then Venti noticed something grey shimmering trough the bushes.
Had he finally found Mondstadt? Pushing the branches to the side a city spread out in front of him. His eyes went wide. He had never seen this before. Where was he? Tall grey buildings reached into the sky in front of him, shielding the horizon from his curious eyes.
Everything was huge and there were people everywhere he looked into the distance, too small to possibly recognize anyone. Loud noises reached his ears despite the distance between him and the unknown city. It looked nothing like any city he had ever seen before. "Do you know where your friend lives?", Eraserhead asked, appearently not noticing the shock and confusion on Ventis face.
"Well, this certainly isn't Mondstadt.", Venti covered up his confused emotions with sarcasm. But the man beside him didn't seem to get it. "Mondstadt? Is that where you came from?", the man asked, his eyes studying Ventis face. Hat they changed color? Venti could have sworn they had been red before but now they were almost black. Like onyx.
"That's correct, my friend. So- which direction is it?"
Eraserhead looked at him, raising a brow. The man had never heard of a city called Mondstadt before. Venti realised that pretty quickly.
"It's really fine if you don't know. I'm just gonna leave then, have a splendit day!", Venti smiled, waving goodbye as he took a few steps forward. Eraserheads brow only rose higher.
"What about your friend? Also, I'm not going to leave a teenager in the middle of the woods."
Technically they were not in the middle of the woods and Venti was not a teenager but the guy could believe whatever made him happy. "Trust me, I'm quite old enough to care for myself." That did not have the reassuring effect Venti had hoped to achieve.
"Venti, where do you live?" It was the first time the man had spoken his name. It sounded just as wrong as it sounded right. "Wherever the wind takes me.", Venti smiled. "So you're homeless?"
"... Fine, you got me, I have no clue where I am."
"And you're sure you're not a teenager?", Eraserhead asked, not looking suprised over his Prior Statement at all. Venti would definitely not be stupid enough to say that he was a thousand years old. "I'm 22 just to let you know." He really hoped that wasn't too far from what he looked like based on this nations standards.
"Please show me your ID.", he then sighed. "I don't have to show you anything, my dear friend.", Venti said with a shit eating grin. "I'm a licensed hero, working for the government. If you don't show me your ID I will arrest you." "Fine, I don't have that ID thing your talking about." Venti was fighting the urge to pout.
Eraserhead sighed. "I'm taking you to the police station."
That word the small god knew. The traveller had told him about the lawkeeping system in Fontaine once. They had a kind police there as well. "I don't wanna go to prison.", Venti exaggerated with his whining. "I'm not throwing you into prison, I just want someone at the station to ask you some questions."
Venti didn't really understand why that was necessary but he didn't want to seem even more suspicious than he already was.
"Fine, but I will run away if you try something funny.", Venti threatened. Eraserhead gave a small laugh before turning around to show Venti the way. He personally would have just glided down the hill.
"Wouldn't gliding be faster?", he voiced his concerns.
"I don't take a paraglider with me on every patrol, kid.", the man said with an annoyed face. Venti just grabbed the mans arm, not caring about the others protest. Then he jumped, holding his hat in place with one hand and Eraserheads wrist in the other. The hero was about to use his scarf as a grabbing hook when their fall was abruptly softened by bright blue wings that seemed to be attached to Ventis back.
"What the hell is that!", the hero asked, his eyes blown wide. "My windglider of course!", Venti grinned.
Amber would kill him if she saw him gliding with two people on one glider but she wasn't there right then and Venti was the anemo Archon. He didn't have to rely on natural winds to stay afloat, he made his own. He loved the cold wind on his skin.
They landed behind a small building, shielding them from unwanted attention.
"Where did you get that? And where did it go?", the man asked, his eyes following Ventis hands as he gestured toward the small golden token loosely knitted to the neck of Ventis cape.
"I bought it in Mondstadt after I got my gliding license. It folds in when I land.", he explained while taking a step toward the city. "Interesting..", the man just mumbled, following behind the smaller one.
Venti noticed every bypasser staring at them - mostly him - but he didn't care. He kept smiling.
------
"We're here.", Eraserhead interrupted his slowly flowing thoughts.
The police station was pretty small compared to all the skyscratching towers around it. They entered trough an automatically opening door. It was something Venti had never seen before so he slightly flinched when the doors moved on their own. Eraserhead definitely noticed but didn't say anything.
"Ah, Eraser, back already?", the small woman at the reception desk asked surprisedly before her eyes caught the boy dressed in green. She made a knowing face, talking again.
"Room 3 should be free, I'll send Tsukauchi over." Eraserhead just nodded, signalling Venti to keep following him with a nod in the direction he wanted to go.
Venti followed the man into a small room without windows. There was only a lamp, a table and three chairs. It was cold. Venti wanted to leave.
He had never been to Fontaine so he didn't know if it was like this in their interrogation rooms or if they even had any. He still sat down on the single chair while Eraserhead claimed one of the opposite ones, leaving the second one - the one closer to the door - empty.
"My colleague Tsukauchi has a quirk that allows him to detect lies so please answer all of his questions truthfully. Venti just nodded.
Quirk? What in Celestia was a quirk?
Venti rarely felt uncomfortable. It confused him. He didn't know if it was the room or the things that would happen in it. Perhaps it was both that scared him.
But he couldn't do anything about it because he had promised Eraserhead to answer some questions before. What kind of god would he be to go back on his word?
His thoughts were interrupted by an opening door. A man, dressed in a light brown coat and a hat in the exact same color walked in. One just needed to look at him to see he was a detective.
For Venti, he sparked unease. Not that he disliked the man specifically, just that he felt different about this questioning then he felt twenty minutes before.
"Aizawa, I heard you brought some-" His eyes met Ventis. Tsukauchi had never seen such mesmerizing eyes, the most vibrant viridian green he had ever gazed into. It took a moment before the detective caught himself. "Nice to meet you, I'm Tsukauchi. I will be questioning you.
"Hello there, friend.", Venti said with a big smile, his eyes closing for a second.
Tsukauchi and Eraserhead - or Aizawa? - shared a look before Tsukauchi sat down on the free chair. "Let's start then."
Venti shifted in his seat, trying to physically prepare for what was to come.
"First of, how old are you?"
Venti had known this was coming but he couldn't tell them he was over 2600 years old. "Old enough to drink, so don't worry about me.", he grinned. "I'm not underage." His eyes met Eraserheads as the man asked "Why don't you tell us your actual age?" "I don't think it matters." "Lie.", Tsukauchi instantly said.
"Okay fine. I don't think it would be beneficial for me." Both men found this very odd but neither of them wanted to press the boy since it was true that he was not underage.
"We'll leave it then.. Where do you live?", Tsukauchi decided to ask.
Venti grinned. It had been a long time since he had last rambled about his beautiful city. "The lively city of Mondstadt with all it's windmills, the brave but still kind knights of favonius and not to forget the majestic statue of Lord Barbatos himself. Celestia, you won't believe how good the dandelion wine at the angels share is. I would love to taste a drink from the cats tail too but I'm sadly not able to enter there and oh, have you ever had sticky honey roast? It's the absolute best when Sarah makes it."
It was a lot of talking for the two men on the other side of the table. But Tsukauchi couldn't detect a lie.
"Do you think he is imagining that city?", Aizawa whispered, hoping that Venti couldn't hear. "Could be.", Tsukauchi whispered back. "It's not a lie if he truly believes it."
Aizawa nodded. Then his eyes fell onto Ventis hands. He had placed them on the table one hand fiddeling with the ring finger of the other. What was more Interesting to him was the right palm. He could make out marks from where something kind of spiky must've dugged into the boys palm deep enough to leave a visible mark even now.
It made him remember, the first time he saw him, the boy was gripping something. He could clearly remember the faint blue glow slipping trough the spaces between Ventis fingers but he couldn't recall the moment Venti had put it away.
"What were you holding when we first met?", he asked. Venti tensed up immediatly. Aizawa had obviously hit a nerve.
"That's confidential.", Venti answered coldly.
Aizawa was suprised. He didn't know Venti but what he had seen of him, he didn't seem protetctive at all. Whatever they were talking about must be extemely important to the boy.
"We won't ask what exactly it is, we just want to make sure it's not a weapon."
Could a Gnosis classify as a weapon? Venti wasn't sure.
Tsukauchi had hoped his explaination could help Aizawa without angering Venti but the boy just glared at him. "Do you not know what confidential means or do you just want a harder job?", Venti asked with a sarcastic smile.
"Then how about we compromise?", Aizawa asked to which Venti was in fact listening.
"I know you don't currently have a place to stay so I'll let you live with me and train you for the UA entrance exam in six weeks." Receiving training from a pro hero and joining UA would be the dream of every child that wants to be a hero so Aizawa was confident. "In turn you show us that thing you want to keep safe so badly."
Venti seemed to think about it. Having a place to stay was quite the tempting offer even if he didn't want to do that entrance exam thing.
"And you won't take it?", he reassured himself. It wasn't that he was scared he couldn't protect it, he just didn't know what these two could do. Playing weak for now seemed like the best option to stay with the last bit of freedom he kept clinging to.
For just a second, Aizawa was scared this was all just a joke and the boy would pull a rock or a button out of his pocket. To both the men's suprise he rose his hands up to his chest from where a dim light erupted. Both men shared a look.
Their attention was quickly pulled back as Venti reached his hand inside his chest. Aizawa had never seen a quirk like this.
A blue glimmering chess piece came to light as he pulled it out again, placing it on the table but not letting go of it jet.
A queen piece? But it looked very elegant.
Venti looked at the two men, still not letting go of his Gnosis. He would not loose it again. His chest felt heavier now that the Gnosis wasn't inside anymore.
"A chess piece?", Tsukauchi asked confused. "Does it have any special funktions?"
"You don't have to know, it's mine.", Venti just said.
"You can get something like this at every corner store. it's just a chess piece."
Ventis viridian eyes pierced into Tsukauchis soul. Just his gaze felt like the whole sky was pressing down onto his shoulders.
"It's not 'just a chess piece'. It's my Gnosis and no one will ever take it from me again."
Gnosis? Neither or the men had ever heard that word before. And what did he mean with 'again'?
Since the two men couldn't actually do anything with their newly gathered information except knowing Venti was probably imagining things and damn scary when talking about his chess piece, they decided to leave it as it was and just watch the boy from afar for now.
Tho.. afar was not quite the right word since Aizawa had to take him home.
-------
Aizawas house wasn't that big but it was a decent size.
"Not as big as the dawn winery but it's okay, I guess.", Venti joked, walking trough the from door, right behind Aizawa.
"Hizashi? You home?", Aizawa called up the stairs. "Uuu, roommate.", Venti mumbled excitedly. He wondered what kind of person the hero was living with. Probably someone quiet judging off of Aizawas own personality.
Down the stairs - much to Ventis suprise - stormed a blond man with a dusk bird haircut and triangle shaped, orange sunglasses. "Yooo! What's up little listener?" He was the absolute opposite of what Venti had expected but that was okay. A bit loud, but okay.
"A pleasure to meet you, dear Aizawas roommate. I am Venti the bard. Three times in a row winner of the most popular bard in Mondstadt." Venti couldn't keep himself from bragging a bit.
Aizawas roommate - Hizashi, if Venti remembered correctly - seemed to be just a little bit suprised, probably because of the bard thing.
"First of, ya can call me Mic, little listener. Second-", the blonde turned to Aizawa, "Can we keep 'm?" Venti chuckled quietly. "Glad you two get along." It sounded just a little bit sarcastic coming from the dark haired hero. "But yes, Hizashi, we are keeping him since he is under police supervision.", he eyed Venti "and is going to apply to UA under my training."
"Ehe~"
Mic was quiet for a second. "Damn, little one. What did ya do?", he then asked. He apparently didn't expect an answer since he just went on talking. "Anyway, follow me, Imma show you to our guest room, kiddo."
At this point, Venti had already given up on insisting he was not a minor so he just followed up the stairs.
"Soooo, how'd ya meet Shota?", Mic started some smalltalk. Venti was confused. How could one person have so many names. These definitely didn't sound like titles.
"Well- first of, what is his actual name now? He told me he's called Eraserhead, that detective called him Aizawa and now you call him Shota. Where I come from, people only have one name." He didn't have to mention Diluc and Kaeya right now.
Mic actually laughed at that. "Yeah, it can be a bit confusin' when you're not from around here. But don' worry! I'm gonna explain it."
He smiled. "So- Eraserhead is his hero name, just like mine is Present Mic."
Venti would just assume it was like his Archon name. "And your actual name here in Japan a'ways consists of your given name tha' you recieve from your parents and family names that make it easier to know which family you belong to."
That was actually quite helpful. It was the same System as in Inazuma. Raiden Ei, Kaedehara Kazhuha, Shikanoin Heizou, like those.
"Usually you call people by their family name until they give you permission to use their given one or you visit their home. Since it's his given name and we've known each other for ages now, I call 'm Shota."
Venti nodded. He would never have thought he would have a conversation about names with a stranger.
"Is Venti also your given name?", Mic then asked, waiting for the smaller one at the top of the stairs.
He didn't know if he should just lie and say yes, but something held him back. He wanted to be honest. "No.", he admitted. "I took it for myself."
Mic seemed interested so he continued. "I don't know when I got my first name or who gave it to me, definitely not my mother." Venti slightly scoffed. Istaroth didn't name him, that was for sure. "But I couldn't keep using it so I took the name of my late best friend..." ² It made Ventis heart ache. He hadn't even asked the young bard if it was okay to take his name back then... He didn't know if it was really safe to entrust this info to Mic, he didn't know if it was the right thing to do or if he would judge him without any mercy but it was too late now anyway.
"Damn, that's deep, sorry for askin'. But we all grief in different ways and 's compleatly okay to talk about tha' stuff." Mic didn't seem to be good at talking about such things. Things that lay in the past but still carve holes deep into ones heart. They stopped in front of a door, which Mic then opened.
Venti decided then and there to leave all this emotion he couldn't handle in the hallway so right as he stepped through the doorframe he put his cheeky smile back onto his face and said "Everything is fine now so don't worry." With that he plopped himself down onto the white sheated bed on the opposite end of the room and pulled his legs up to sit cross legged.
" 'm just gonna let ya settle in then. Tell me or Shota if you need anything.", Mic said, retreating from the room.
-------
As the blonde closed the door it left Venti in an unfamiliar room that smelled so fabricated Venti felt the urge to throw up.
It also left Venti alone with his thought for the first time since he woke up. It gave him time to think about what had happened. The tingeling feeling of pulling the Gnosis out of his chest filled him to his fingertips. It felt cold.
He had never considered himself fully human, despite having all the qualities, overlooking his immortality. He felt cold.
His thumb traced the diligent metal crown on top.
How had he gotten it back? All he could remember was the excrutiating pain he felt, wrapped in feathered, white wings, hitting the ground that day. It was almost healed so it must have had enough time. To say, he was an Archon, his wounds didn't need as much time but if he had been unconcious with no food and water that definitely made up for the Archon fact.
Not just years or decades but centuries. Venti must have been asleep for more then a few centuries. His surroundings had changed, there was a whole forest where a battlefield had been and the seven nations had apparently compleatly vanished.
No Archons, no other Gnoses. None of it made sense to him.
Venti sighed, deciding it would probably be best to not stir up any trouble until he knew more about what had happened. Whatever this UA was, that Aizawa talked so much about, it sounded like a pretty popular place so there was a good chance he could find a well kept library there.
Ventis eyes fell onto the gnosis again. He had to keep it safe at all costs.
Then he sneezed. Confused and with tears in his eyes he stood up, sneezing again. Then he saw it. A big and fluffy, black cat with yellow eyes that stared at him through the slightly opened window.
Venti sneezed again, reaching for the handle to close the window but it was too late, the hair had already found its way inside.
In nearly half a second Venti had left the room, almost falling down the stairs because his vision was blurry with tears. The noise caught Aizawas attention. The man seemed shocked as he saw the small gods teary red eyes.
"Venti?! Are you okay?", he immediatly asked, jumping up from where he was sitting at the couch. Venti meanwhile took a deep breath, sucking the fresh living room air into his lungs.
"Cat.", he barely got out of his tightened throat, still breathing heavily. "Cat? Did you see Coco?", the man asked further only realizing afterwards that Venti could not answer with how much he was sneezing.
Then the man left the room in a hurry, only to return with a small, weirdly shaped bottle. "This is not going to feel nice, try not to blink immediatly.", Venti was told in a calm tone of voice. Aizawa pushed the smaller one to sit down, gently lifting his face upwards. Venti slightly panicked when Aizawa uncapped the bottle of unknown liquid and then used one of his hands to force one of the gods eyes open.
It didn't hurt but Venti still flinched as the liquid seeped into his eye. He blinked as soon as Aizawa let go of him and leaned forward. What was that stuff? It felt weird as he tried to blink it off but he soon realized, it helped. The sneezing had stopped, only a little tickle remaining and his eyes still watery. Venti slowly looked at Aizawa, who was still holding the bottle, looking at him like he was expecting something.
"Wha' was tha'?", Venti asked, squinting his eyes to see more clearly through the blur. "Eyedrops. Why didn't you tell me about your cat allergy?" Aizawa seemed to be just as annoyed as he seemed worried. "Didn'' thi'k it ma''ered.", Venti responded, now heavily blinking. His nose was still itching. With one last, heavy sneeze, everything seemed to be fine again.
"So you met Coco?", Aizawa repeated his question, this time expecting an answer. "If that happens to be the name of your feline friend then yes, I did. It stared at me through the window." "You got this bad of a reaction to a cat outside but not the hair everywhere around here?" Aizawa was sceptic, and Venti couldn't blame him. "I don't know how this shit works. Probably Celestia doesn't even know.", he still tried to defend himself, then he stood up. "Thank you for the eyedrops, you will probably know when I'll need them again."
With that he walked back up the stairs to 'his' room. With one sleeve covering his mouth and nose he went in, closing the window. Thank Celesta the cat was gone.
He should talk less about Teyvatian stuff, the look on Aizawas face as he mentioned Celestia.. He didn't like it. Too curious. Maybe he shouldn't wait these six weeks to hope for a library. With that, it was settled. He would go tomorrow, whether Aizawa allowed him to or not.
It wasn't that late but Venti still decided to go to sleep. Normally he would spend his time at the tavern until late at night but that wasn't an option anymore.
Was sleeping in an unknown environment a good idea? Probably not. Would Venti care? Not really. He just took off his cape and the corset as well as the shorts, leaving him in his white dress shirt and the leggins. He had been told to take the shoes off at the entrance and that was where they would stay for now. Then he let himself fall onto the bed backwards.
It was soft. Softer then the grass at windrise he usually slept on. But the view wasn't the same. The measly view he had through the window could never compare to the wide night sky in Mondstadt.
That sky where every star had it's role to play in a constellation. Where every star held a meaning to someone. Where every star shone bright as if it had a story to tell to whoever looked at it.
He dozed off within minutes, the moon softly illuminating his face as it climbed up into the night sky.
------------
"What do you think about him?", Aizawa asked quietly after closing Ventis door. He had checked on the boy after he got no answer to his previous knocking only to find him asleep.
Mic looked at him, trying to keep a neutral face but Aizawa knew he was worried.
"He takes good care of how he appears to others.", Mic then answered. "He knows how to cov'r up emotions in seconds." "It's worrying.", Aizawa agreed with a simple nod.
They decided to continue their talk downstairs at the kitchen table.
"How are ya gonna train him?", Mic asked, watching as Aizawa poured freshly made coffee into a mug. "I'm going to figure that out when I see his quirk in action.", he answered, putting the mug onto the table and rotating it just a little. "But that has time. First I want to know him better."
Mic nodded. It sounded reasonable. The boy was not going to cooperate if they didn't build up some trust first. "I'm also going to research some of the weird words he uses. Mainly 'Gnosis' and 'Celestia', he uses those quite often so they could help us understand some things about him." Mic nodded again. "Maybe the local library has some info 'bout those.", he then suggested to which Aizawa nodded.
"Do we have to do something about his name?", Aizawa then asked, taking another sip of his drink. As far as Venti had told him he only had this one name so it would be quite difficult to enroll him in UA. Family names were important in todays society. "Well, first off, it's not technically his name." Aizawas interest was sparked. "He tol' me he took it from a deceased friend of his s'nce he couldn', quote: 'keep usin' his old one. I don't really know what tha' means and he didn' mention his other name but he also mentioned that his moth'r wasn' the one who named him." A mother? Venti hadn't mentioned a mother when they first met. But Aizawa could also understand that, he was still a stranger to the boy.
"He probably wouldn't appreciate us digging into his past so building trust until he comes to us is our only option right now.", Aizawa sighed, slightly rubbing his chin.
He needed to shave again...
"And we have to make it as comfortable for him as poss'ble.", Mic added. "I'll take him clothes shopping later this week." Aizawa nodded. "And prob'bly get some stuff he wan's while 'm at it." A smile spread over the blondes face. Aizawa couldn't hold in a small smile himself.