Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

we were too different, you were so sensitive
gave me the best of that, i was so negligent
now i feel terrible 'bout how i handled it

and now i, now i bet you resent all of me, all of it
angry, blocking me over the internet
promise i don't forget all of my fault in this
'cause look at me, i'm alone, sitting here, staying home
all of my self-control kinda got difficult
but I deserve it though, I deserve it though

you were there all the time
you're the worst of my crimes
you fell hard, i thought, "good riddance"

oh, how hard it was to start over. everything sucked, and everything felt wrong. gihun's eyes wandered across his new apartment, taking in every sleek surface, every modern finish—and hating all of it. the space wasn’t small; it was bigger and nicer than anything he could’ve hoped for. but none of that mattered. his displeasure wasn’t for the apartment itself but for the gaping void it represented.

it had been a few weeks since inho left. a few agonizing weeks. it had taken days just to muster the strength to pack his things and walk out of inho’s house without breaking down completely. even now, the pain lingered, so heavy. sleepless nights had become his constant companion, and gihun couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt remotely like himself.

he stepped into the new bedroom, fingers brushing over the fresh linens on the bed, and grit his teeth. get your shit together. the thought echoed in his mind, loud and insistent. but it wasn’t enough to drown out the ache.

this couldn’t be his new life, could it? crying over his sociopathic ex-boyfriend, day after day, night after night? gihun let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. no. no, this couldn’t be it. he needed to get out. he needed to do something. anything to stop the suffocating weight from pulling him under.

gihun got up, determination flickering like a weak flame inside him. something had to change. HE had to change. he’d been through so much, even someone as self-doubting as gihun realized that. his life had taken a darker turn the moment he entered the games, and meeting inho, falling in love with him, had only pulled him further into the shadows. he let the darkness consume him because he found comfort in it.

but now? now he couldn’t keep living like this. there was a small part of him—tiny, yet persistent—that screamed for him to go back, to let the darkness back in and claim what he thought was his. 

gihun clenched his fists, forcing that voice into silence. no. he wouldn’t do it. he wouldn’t let himself spiral again.

inhale. exhale.

inho was probably still there, monitoring the games, overseeing the finishing touches, preparing for the ending. would he come back looking for gihun? would he try to fix what they broke? the thoughts crept in again, clawing at the edges of his mind, but gihun forced them back down. stop it, he told himself. this isn’t helping. you’re being pathetic.

but the question lingered, like a thorn lodged too deep to pull out completely.

gihun shook his head and turned to the window, looking out at the city stretching far and wide before him. the world was moving on, with or without him. maybe it was time he started moving too. he glanced at the the pair of sneakers by his bed and his keys. 

a few moments later, gihun found himself outside. the night air hit his tired face and yet it felt calming, a small reminder that life was still happening, even if he wasnt. before he realized, he in was in his car, the loud noise of the engine broke the silence

he drove aimlessly, the lights blurring together as he let his mind wander. he found himself in some unrecognizable neighbourhood eventually. the radio played a cheesy pop song and gihun had to smile at his situation, a laugh leaving his lips and breaking out in an even louder laugh. oh he was starting to lose it. his laugh came to a halt.

something felt off.

gihun’s eyes moved back to the rearview mirror frantically. his eyebrows furrowed  as unease crept in. was he being followed?

he glanced back shortly, catching a glimpse of the car trailing behind him before returning his focus to the road. his hands tightened on the steering wheel.

he was being crazy. the sleepless nights were catching up to him, perhaps he shouldn't drive. 

he took a deep breath and turned down a side street, pulling over to the curb. the car that had been behind him continued straight, disappearing into the night. gihun let out a shaky laugh, slumping against the seat. 

looking back once more, the car seemed to be gone. he felt relief for a moment before deciding to walk into the nearby convenience store. he strode forward, grabbing three soju bottles from the fridge and making his way to the cash register. a hand stopped him, holding onto his shoulder, and gihun flinched, turning his head immediately.

"sangwoo?"

"careful, you're gonna drop your soju bottles," his tone was calm, with a hint of suspicion, but his smile was warm, tugging at the corner of his lips. for the first time in a long while, gihun felt comforted by seeing someone he cared for.

"and if i had dropped them, you would pay for it. so consider yourself lucky," he muttered with a grin, continuing to walk to the cash register. "what are you doing here anyway? you scared me." gihun's eyes wandered back to sangwoo. he was wearing his suit and looked like he had his life together, gihun envied him.

"getting an after-work drink," he smirked, joining gihun at the register.

"how's life?"
"it's going."
"no offense, but you look like absolute shit."
"thanks, you look put together as always."

it took them a few minutes to go back to their banter that they were so used to from when they were children, and gihun promised to keep in touch, and so did sangwoo. for a while, life seemed to be normal again.

of course, that hadn’t been the last time he saw sangwoo. after their encounter in the convenience store, their meetings became more frequent. sangwoo would visit his place, or they’d go together to see sangwoo’s mother. gihun felt content. he learned about sangwoo’s financial troubles and decided to help. “just take it, and don’t ask,” gihun had told him, handing over exactly what sangwoo needed. sangwoo tried to refuse, but in his dire situation, he had no choice but to accept. gihun was just glad to be able to help.

when jungbae joined them for a night of drinking and cards, the three of them would stay up all night, laughing and drinking. it was everything gihun had hoped for—and maybe even more. he could get used to this.

“jungbae, come on, let me get you home,” sangwoo called out to a very drunk jungbae, who was busy in the bathroom. gihun leaned back on his couch, bringing his glass of liquor to his lips. they heard jungbae’s muffled laughter from the other room.

“have you noticed the black van in front of your house? it’s strange. it’s always there,” sangwoo remarked after a moment of silence. gihun raised an eyebrow and shook his head. “not really. it’s probably just the neighbor’s car.” sangwoo nodded, but the comment left a bitter taste in gihun’s mouth. a black van. normally, it was something insignificant, but in gihun’s life, shady cars were never just coincidence. he would pay closer attention from now on.

when they left, gihun’s apartment fell into silence once more. he sighed, sinking back down on the couch. from the corner of his eye, he noticed sangwoo’s phone resting on the cushions and picked it up. he must’ve forgotten it. one glance out the window revealed the violent summer rain, accompanied by thunder. he should probably clean up and go to bed, but the sound of the storm was oddly soothing.

the doorbell rang, and gihun smiled faintly.

“sangwoo, you damn workaholic. came to get your phone, huh?”, he muttered drunkenly, stumbling toward the door and opening it.

what he saw, however, was not sangwoo. nor jungbae.

hwang in-ho.

“hello, my love.”

he felt his heart beat against his chest so violently and loudly it made him nauseous, his eyes widening as he stared at him. he looked so handsome, so inviting. gihun wanted to sink into him. with every beat of his heart, it seemed to tear his chest and old wounds open, reminding him of the pain he had tried to forget. and it was so painfully obvious that he hadn’t forgotten—neither the pain nor his old life. 

gihun tried to speak, but his mouth slurred a few incoherent words that didn’t make sense.

inho watched him with attentive eyes, his expression reserved, not showing much emotion. gihun felt a flicker of anger. he was here, daring to show up with three words and nothing more to say?

“did you have a good time?” gihun mumbled sarcastically, holding himself up by the doorframe. yeah, the soju definitely got to him.

“did you?” inho asked, something in his voice that drunk gihun couldn’t quite identify.

“what?”
“you thought i was sangwoo.”
“yes, cause he was here before you.”
“i see. and did you have fun?”

gihun was silent. was he jealous? it seemed laughable. inho was a very possessive man, but sangwoo, being a childhood friend, wasn't a threat. besides, they weren’t together. gihun had no right to feel some sort of ownership over him.

“you should go,” gihun said, more serious now, in an attempt to appear more sober than he actually was. “and don’t come back.”

“gihun, let me in,” inho’s voice was persistent, almost angry. “it’s raining. you don’t want me to go out there, do you?” his tone softened.

goddammit . gihun inhaled deeply. he turned his back to him leaving the door open.

“you can have the couch and i want you out of my place by tomorrow morning” he mumbled in a dry tone walking back inside.

inho had a faint smile on his lips. he would win him back. he was sure of it.