Work Text:
One would suppose that it would be most typical for Junghoon to say that he didn’t remember how things quite started. But Junghoon was never quite typical.
The very first time Seeun’s eyes lingered on Junghoon was when they were both still in high school. They attended different schools, but it didn’t affect much between them. Seeun and Junghoon, like all the other members of their group of trainees, were stuck together like glue for many parts of the day. It was on an autumn afternoon. Perhaps the sky had turned Hunter’s favorite shade of orange, descending down the sky. Perhaps it hadn’t. Their dance rooms were in the basement, after all.
Junghoon, like half of the boys around them, had let himself collapse onto the floor after a particularly grueling practice. Hyunwoo’s sweaty form radiated heat at his left, and Minjae’s smaller body pressed somewhat uncomfortably at his right. Sweat beaded Junghoon’s own brow, and in that moment all he was thinking about was what to eat for dinner.
But then he spotted Seeun, and the taller boy’s eyes staring at him. Something was written on his face that Junghoon didn’t entirely understand, and the boy’s face was flushed red. Seeun had looked away the moment Junghoon noticed him.
Junghoon had brushed it off, until a week later when he noticed Yujun staring at a pretty girl at school just the same way.
Then they debuted, and suddenly the pressure of their trainee period had lifted, and new pressures were soon to hit.
Junghoon was left alone. They did just fine without him.
But naturally, his friends knew him as well as he knew them, and they kept coming back.
“Oh, he’s sleeping.” A voice quietly said one night, past two am. The bedroom door closed, and what little of the light that had entered Junghoon’s vision left as it did. He was glad that Yechan had decided to put the bedsheet over the exposed side of Junghoon’s bunk when he was sleeping there, and this gave him extra reason to not remove it.
It took only a few more minutes, like clockwork really, for the door to open again.
“Junghoon?” Seeun’s voice was a whisper. The boy paused, door barely ajar. Junghoon kept still, not that Seeun could see him behind the curtain, anyway.
The door shut.
Junghoon was fine with this. He was comfortable with this. Seeun’s stares would linger. Seeun would tease, and steal his conditioner, and possess a half-dozen little habits that drove everyone else up the wall. But then the boy would smile with half of his mouth, let the others scold him, and he’d always be forgiven. Seeun was the thorn in everyone’s side, but also a part of them all the same. Seeun was Seeun. And sometimes he would look at Junghoon.
Junghoon was fine with this.
Junghoon was unprepared when the boy first climbed into his bed, without a word.
“What are you doing?” Junghoon startled awake, words coming out on instinct with a furrowed brow. He wasn’t quite asleep yet, not really, and the vestiges of sleepiness vanished in an instant as Seeun’s long legs pushed his own across the bed to make room.
“I wanted to hang out.” Seeun shrugged. Junmin’s even, sleeping breaths sounded in the bunk above them.
Seeun said it like it was the most casual thing. Like they were sitting on the couch together, or across the dining table.
Seeun was so close, Junghoon could feel his body heat.
The next day, Seeun was gone when Junmin’s alarm woke Junghoon up.
It wasn’t every night, but it was enough nights. Junghoon had grown to expect it at least once or twice a week. Seeun would creep through the door and into his bed. He would talk about what had happened that day, filling Junghoon in on whatever he had missed. Sometimes he would leave earlier, sometimes he would disappear only after Junghoon had fallen asleep. Junghoon had since gotten over the feelings he’d had in the first few months of his injury, feeling that he wasn’t good enough, feeling jealous about the others being able to do what he couldn’t.
Except for the guilt. Guilt stuck to him, etched his skin in lines like a tattoo.
But when Seeun was there, there was no time to think about guilt. Because Seeun was giggling to him about something silly a fan had told him at a fansign, or telling Junghoon about the latest dating rumors, or whichever poor girl or boy another Xikers member was crushing on.
His members were just ordinary boys, Junghoon remembered. He himself always felt more like some kind of creature in human form, plagued by strange habits and comforts that made others inch away from him eventually. If it wasn’t Junghoon’s idiosyncrasies, it was his lack of knowledge in how to make others like him that made people pass him over.
That was, until someone had chosen him at KQ. And then, for some reason, it seemed like people didn’t stop choosing him. Even though he didn’t know how to do any of the normal things.
Seeun finished up his latest anecdote about Sumin and his failed disaster of an attempt at asking a rookie idol out, and his eyes crinkled up as he slipped into a fit of laughter under Junghoon’s microfiber bedsheet.
Junghoon laughed too.
In fact, something about Seeun, the way he worded his stories, the way he would take a breath and pause before revealing something scandalous, always made Junghoon laugh. Despite not being active in the group, Junghoon would still find his way back into the practice room with them. He was always welcomed, even in the earlier days when he knew he was slowing them down.
Yechan, ever protective of him, would always find something about Junghoon to compliment him on. Yechan would notice everything, every tiny improvement, every small, little thing that Junghoon hadn’t himself.
Seeun was quiet, at moments like that. But he would stare, more openly than before. Junghoon felt something odd in his stomach then, and made the active decision to never look back.
Seeun would repeat Yechan’s words days later in Junghoon’s bed. He would say them almost verbatim, sometimes two or three times, like he was trying to claim them from their original owner.
Like how he was with everyone’s hair gel, conditioner, and snacks, Seeun was always a somewhat greedy boy.
It was why, one night, Junghoon wasn’t surprised when Seeun’s legs wrapped around his own. Junghoon only stared.
Junmin was absent from the top bunk that night, having passed out somewhere in the living room on a Netflix show binge with somebody else.
“Junghoon-ah,” the voice was barely a whisper.
Seeun was looking at every inch of his face. People had described Junghoon as a wall, someone that set others on edge, that confused people with his face as set as stone. Children in the schoolyard had called him a robot, made fun of him for his default setting.
Facial expressions were an active choice, for Junghoon.
Junghoon smiled.
An expression of something deep, raw, and emotional took over Seeun’s face. He was pretty. Seeun was very, very pretty. His eyes were large and round, and his cheeks looked pink in the dim light. The bottom lip he was chewing on with clear worry was red and plush.
Junghoon wanted to ask why. Why this pretty, tall, and somewhat cunning boy had chosen his bed to slide into. Why Seeun had chosen Junghoon’s ear to whisper secrets into. Why Seeun had chosen Junghoon to look at, years ago in the practice rooms when they were both in high school.
Because Junghoon wasn’t like the other members.
Not somebody little and fun to chase around like Minjae. Or sweet and cute like Junmin. Or talented and blessed as Sumin or Yechan. Or warm and kind like Jinsik or Hunter. Or-
Soft lips pressed against his.
Junghoon forgot whatever positive quality he was about to assign to the next member forming in his head.
Junghoon had never kissed before. He had never even had a crush, now that he’d thought about it. Or perhaps he had this whole time, on that one annoying boy that always stole his conditioner and was always immediately forgiven after giving him just a smile. A smile that made something in Junghoon’s stomach act up every time. That’s what crushes were, weren’t they?
He'd never thought about it before.
He’d never… never thought about…
Seeun’s cocky smile, formed by warm lips now attached to his.
Seeun backed away after a few beats, eyes going down and face darkening at Junghoon’s lack of reciprocation. His legs moved to unlock from where they were wrapped around Junghoon’s.
Junghoon tightened the muscles in his calves. It felt nice, having a warm body like Seeun around him. Especially when it was Seeun.
Seeun froze.
“What-” he barely managed to get a single word out, before Junghoon was the one closing the gap this time.
Junghoon found that he rather liked kissing. The other boy seemed entirely off-kilter, despite being the one that always climbed into Junghoon’s bed without an invitation.
Junghoon grabbed Seeun by his shoulders, their teeth clacking with inexperience as Seeun regained his composure.
Kissing was not a battle for dominance, or a sweet, innocent act of love, like Junghoon had seen in stories. Kissing Seeun was something new, something so different and apart from Junghoon’s limited list of life experiences. It was so… it was so…
Seeun tried to back away, to calm Junghoon down. But something strange and deep growled out of Junghoon’s throat, a noise he was very, very glad that Junmin was not there to possibly hear. Seeun quickly gave up on parting from Junghoon after he made it, so Junghoon didn’t regret it.
Seeun tasted new and clean under his tongue, like fresh toothpaste and saliva and like a boy. Although not quite like a boy. Because they were older now, they’d grown, and the barest hint of stubble brushed against the top of Junghoon’s lip. Seeun had missed a spot when he was shaving. Junghoon separated them enough for them both to take in a breath, and his hand brushed against Seeun’s cheek.
“J-Junghoon.” Seeun looked different than he had before. His hair was messy, and his eyes dilated. His cheeks were fully red, and his lips looked like someone had sucked on them.
Junghoon smiled with pride.
Seeun choked on air.
“Junghoon.” Seeun had to say again.
“What?” Junghoon whispered. “You kissed me first. Why do we have to stop now?”
“Y-You… You’re so…” Seeun ran out of words already. He looked completely out of his depth. Like a boy that had bitten off more than he could chew.
Except perhaps Junghoon was doing the chewing.
“You wanted this, right?” Junghoon asked, searching fingers finding Seeun’s waist. Seeun was really warm. Like a teddy bear, only somewhat bony.
Seeun nodded, and swallowed. He was still breathing heavily.
“And you liked it?” Junghoon asked.
Seeun looked almost ashamed when he nodded.
“So what’s the problem? Aren’t you getting what you wanted?”
Seeun’s breath hitched.
“I… well yeah. But… you’re so… I mean. I thought that… have you even kissed anyone before, Junghoon?”
Junghoon shook his head.
“Have you?”
Seeun squeaked, like a little mouse. It was really cute. Junghoon was never normally particularly drawn to cute things, like Jinsik was.
“I… I mean, yeah.” Seeun said. “Another boy, at my school. Before… before I liked you.”
Before I liked you.
The words danced around above their heads like a happy little cloud for Junghoon’s ears for a second, before the first part of the sentence sank in.
“Well, that’s not going to happen anymore. Obviously.” Junghoon said.
“What?”
“You’re not kissing other boys.” Junghoon told him, like he was simpleton.
Seeun nodded, dumbly.
“Y-Yeah. Yeah.”
Junghoon paused, thoughts settling into place in his mind. His mind again strayed to Jinsik, and his growing collection of silly, cute things. Yujun had a collection, too. And so did Junmin. Of his little Legos.
Junghoon didn’t have many things.
But Seeun had climbed into his bed. Seeun had gossiped to him. Seeun had wrapped his legs around him. Seeun had kissed him.
Junghoon nodded. Seeun seemed to catch the motion, and looked almost worried.
“What did you just decide on?” The boy asked. Seeun was underneath him, now. Seeun looked smaller than him now, wrapped up in Junghoon’s bedsheet.
Junghoon smiled again, lips coming closer to Seeun’s.
Mine.
Junghoon said nothing, only smiled as their lips touched again.