Chapter Text
There was something strange about the new ADA member.
Kunikida didn’t know what to think about Osamu Dazai.
He was a slacker for sure, never taking work seriously and always joking around, often at Kunikida’s expense. It was infuriating, really, and didn’t fit with his ideals on what a work partner should be like at all.
There was also his strange obsession with suicide. While odd and slightly concerning, Kunikida didn’t know exactly what to do about it, so he eventually decided to just attempt to get to know the man better.
But there was something else about Dazai, something beyond the man’s inability to act his age, beyond his favorite book being The Complete Guide to Suicide, beyond the white bandages that wrapped around his arms and neck and beyond the strangely small amount of information Kunikida had about his actual life.
It was those moments when their eyes would meet, and Kunikida would stare into those dull voids, holes that led into the lack of an inside, and sense something so other, so *inhuman* that he would break eye contact.
It was after one such moment that he decided to bring it up to Ranpo. As much as he hated justifying the man’s ego, if anyone would know, Ranpo would.
Kunikida stood up from his desk, slightly glancing around to confirm that Dazai was not at work AGAIN, only this time it was to Kunikida’s favor.
As he pushed his chair back in, (as to properly maintain movable pathways through the office), he made his way over to Ranpo’s desk. The man in question was not sitting in his chair, but on the desk itself, eating what seemed to be an entire box of Poptarts. (Kunikida didn’t even know how he got those.)
Normally he would correct Ranpo’s unprofessional behavior, but now was not the time. The genius smiled at him as he approached.
“Ah, Kunikida! You have some questions about our newest member?” Ranpo asked cheerfully.
Kunikida sighed. “Yes.”
“And what would you be willing to give for information?” Ranpo inquired.
This is why Kunikida disliked asking Ranpo for things. He didn’t want to keep buying the man candy. He supposes he could ‘lighten up’ slightly, one day couldn’t compromise the Agency in any way he couldn’t handle.
“I will… overlook your choices for one day.” Kunikida finally responds.
Ranpo thinks for a moment, although it’s all for show. “Alright, what do you want to know?”
Leave it to Ranpo to offer information and still leave him confused and conflicted. He might as well start with the main thing he was thinking about.
“Why… does he look so off, occasionally?”
Ranpo actually frowns at this, which surprises Kunikida greatly.
“Well, that’s a great question, Kunikida! The only problem is, I haven’t quite figured that bit out yet.”
Kunikida blinks. “…what?”
“I mean, that as of now, the answer eludes me.” Ranpo explains.
“But… but…” Kunikida is too shocked for words.
“I know, it’s hard to believe someone as great as me doesn’t have the answer to something. All the possible conclusions are impossible. But don’t worry! I, the world’s greatest detective, will figure it out!” Ranpo grins.
Kunikida is still in shock.
Ranpo sighs, stashing the box of Poptarts back under his desk. He supposed now was as good a time to investigate as ever. (It was actually the best time, as Ranpo had approval from Kunikida, and the man was too in shock to question his methods.)
As Ranpo walked out of the ADA building, in what should be the direction of the forest Dazai kept visiting when he wasn’t at the Agency, he contemplated the mystery.
Truth be told, when Ranpo realized there was something about one of his coworkers he couldn’t figure out, he’d had quite the fright. That had never happened before, and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it.
After about an hour of sitting in his locker, stress eating, he’d decided the best course of action was to tail Dazai until he had enough information to properly deduce the answer.
So here he was, nearing where it faded into woods. Ranpo continued forward, until- there! A flash of tan. Dazai most likely already knew Ranpo was tailing him by now, due to his previous position as a Mafia Executive, so Ranpo didn’t worry too much about stealth, he just kept generally out of sight.
Ranpo followed Dazai further into the forest, until he was met with a river. Ranpo had known it was here, of course, but he figured that if Dazai decided to cross it somehow, then there would be a way for Ranpo to cross as well. Looking around to see a lack of Dazai, Ranpo concluded that the previous assumption was incorrect.
Nobody dared ask when Ranpo grumpily returned to the ADA building and started angrily eating snacks.