Chapter Text
The first time you’d even laid eyes on him he was tied up, half naked, and blindfolded in the middle of the street.
You’d just been going for a walk, too anxious to sleep, when you had rounded the corner and seen a writhing body right in the middle of the road. You heard yelling some blocks away but thought nothing of it, especially when it’d died down. You guess you’d just now found the source.
Some part of you wanted to help but deemed it too dangerous and just watched. Sure, you got closer. At least close enough to try to get a look at his face and close enough to realize he was only clad in his boxers. So, yeah, you probably—definitely—were going to stay back.
He’d been able to take his blindfold off by rubbing his face into the tarmac of the street and with that you could hear a sigh of relief. The street was so empty the sound of it amplified. From there he continued to writhe, most likely trying to do the same with the knot around his wrists. He was gasping and grunting about the cold and some other things you couldn’t really piece together. You were starting to feel just a little more empathetic for him. But you stayed back, hiding in the shadow of a building from the street lights.
He sat up this time, chest heaving and head turning left and right. You froze then.
Fuck, what if he—
And there he spots you.
“Hey! Hey, you!” His mouth spreads into a wide grin, but it quickly falls as he tries to wiggle himself into a kneeling position. More grunting and panting. “Help! Help me, please! I’m tied up I’m—“
You emerge from the shadows then, staring. You can see his much more slender body like this, and you try not to really think much of it. It’s just all so…strange. Why’s this guy half naked—?
When he lifts his face to look at you once more, he coughs and smiles, still breathing hard.
“C’mon—it’s so cold, please! I won’t do anything, I promise— I just need a little help. I swear on it!” But his pleads only make you more weary.
You remain quiet and stagnant and this frustrates him enough to wiggle his knees just an inch forward. This makes him gasp and wriggle from how uncomfortable he is. And yes, more grunting and exclaiming.
“I have a knife.” You announce. It’s quiet enough for your voice to bounce off the walls and echo into the street. He frantically nods.
“Yes! Yes—cut me loose. You won’t have to use it on me, I promise. Just, please-!” His reaction to your statement wasn’t what you intended. It was more of a potential threat, a warning. It was pathetic really, so you decided to help. He laughed in relief when he saw you walking over, but you stopped at the curb to stare him down.
“Why are you tied up?” Your voice is abnormally calm for a situation like this but you figure it’s because you have the upper hand here. “Some type of…drug thing?”
You place your hand in the pocket of your jacket and play with the unopened switch blade. Hopefully you don’t have to use it on him. You’ve never had to threaten anyone else with it, but you figure that’s the price you pay for beginning to take regular walks at night. It was bound to happen some time.
“No,” he shakes his head swallowing hard, chest still heaving. “Nothing like that.”
“So…then what-?”
“Can you just—“ he groaned and hung his head with a shake. “It’s so cold.” His head snapped back and with a pleading look choked out a breath.
It’s then you really get a good look at his face. Puppy-dog eyes, shaggy dark hair…he wasn’t unattractive. But that wasn’t important right now. You were just simply observing.
You turned your head to the side and caught your eyes on a black trash bag. He followed the line of sight and then looked back at you. It seemed to be the least of his worries anyway.
You ignored it and continued to walk over to him but kept enough distance in the instance he tried to attack you. Gratefully, he didn’t make the effort to lunge and instead profusely began to thank you.
When you’d stood behind him, his breathing shallowed a bit to keep still though he shivered and mumbled under his breath. He flinched at the sound of your knife being opened and you had almost smiled at that. Only because you knew you weren’t going to hurt him.
You’d leaned over comically, trying to keep as much distance from him in case he tried to attack. But the second the tie gave way he exclaimed in relief and fell forward on his hands. Like he really just couldn’t believe it.
He pushed himself up to stand and you’d taken several steps back, eyebrows raised.
“Your feet—“ you began but he’d only started to hop toward the trash bag. When he’d realized his mistake he bent down and began to undo the knot at his ankles.
You’d remained there in the middle of the street with your knife open. There wasn’t really a threat to him anymore considering how plain dumb this man seemed to be. But once again, he may be desperate for anything after looking through that bag.
Once he’d reached it you’d figured your time there was done. Hopefully no more strangely heroic acts on your part for the rest of the night.
You’d turned on your heel without a word, but after a few moments he’d called for you. You froze, didn’t turn back around, and hoped he wouldn’t ask you for anything else.
He called for you again, so this time you turned to only look back at him over your shoulder.
“Thank you,” he sighed hard, a soft smile on his face. He’d fully dressed himself at this point, all in shaggy clothes. Not a very put together man. But who is after being half naked and tied up in the middle of the street, really? “What’s a girl like you doing out at a time like this?”
“I could ask you the same thing.” Your voice had come off tight. You tried to sound inconvenienced by the whole thing, but you didn’t care much considering nothing horrible happened. Or at least not yet. In fact he’s probably right, you really should just ignore his advances and fuck off home.
“Long story,” he shrugged with that same small smile is on his face. At that you hung your head and moved to walk off toward home but he spoke again so you stopped. “Would you like me to walk you home, miss? This isn’t the best area.”
Yes, you knew that. Again, you’re not sure why you even started these walks in the first place.
“No, thank you, sir. I’ll be home in no time!” You hate the way your voice carries so loudly here.
You really hoped no one was watching considering how rude this was to all the people sleeping. 11 at night on a Tuesday—you knew someone was pissed about how they wouldn’t be sleeping well for work.
“It’s no big deal! I haven’t got a clue where I am either,” you sighed at this. You really had to help this guy again? “I figured I’d keep you safe and try to figure out where I am!”
You turned your whole body to face him this time and stared. He’d got his hands on his hips and had a grin on his face. Wasn’t he just pleading for help a second ago?
“Fine,” you nodded. “I’m not too far.”
With that he joined you, almost skipping toward you with glee. You tried to suppress the giggle bubbling in your throat. You moved your blade into your hand opposite him in case he tried to grab at it between your two bodies. But nothing of the sort happens.
He talked a lot.
You learned his name is Seong Gi-hun after he had asked for yours. You learned that he’s got a sort of gambling problem, which is how he ended up in this situation to begin with. Finally, you learned he still doesn’t know where he was.
Gi-hun learned that you yourself aren’t in the best situation as well, having moved into a place of your own for the first time in your life. Being in your 20’s is hard, he sympathized. You don’t talk nearly as much as he does and you share what you can because you’ll never see him again. And let’s face it, you feel bad for him. Maybe he’d feel better with some solidarity.
You’re a couple apartment buildings down from where you actually live when you come to stop. Sure he’d been nice, but you don’t want him to know where you live.
“Thank you.” You gave him a curt bow. What more is there to say?
“Well, get in safe!” Gi-hun remained standing and you could only stare at him. “What?” He asked, an uncomfortable, yet polite, smile on his face.
“You can…um,” you’re trying not to be rude. But how exactly can you shoo him away so nicely? “You can—“
“Oh!” He let out a soft laugh and waved his hand at you. “Yes, yes. I’ll head back…now.” He gave you a short bow as well. “Thank you, again.”
You watched him sway his body carelessly to observe the setting around him. He’s was still so discombobulated. You hadn’t even made an effort to leave yet. It’s not like you could go anywhere anyway. This wasn’t even your building.
“Which way is…” Gi-hun muttered under his breath with a finger at his lips.
You sighed and cleared your throat. Of course this is being dragged out.
“Sir, would you like to use my phone?” You’re trying to sound polite, really. But it’s like he’s too careless to think so there’s a bit of sharpness in your tone.
He swung his body back toward you and grinned. You couldn’t help but give him a small smile.
“I hadn’t even thought of that—yes! That would be great.” So you handed it to him. He frantically typed on the screen what you assume is his address and he had grinned after a moment. “Ah! Found it.” He handed you back the phone and pointed past your head. “Just a little more down that way.”
“Well, have a nice night, sir,” You gave him a genuine smile this time. His ditziness was almost endearing. If only it wasn’t so dark and you weren’t fearing for your life a little. “Sleep well.”
You turned on your heel to pretend to walk toward the building and with another ‘thank you’ and a grin, he walked off down the street. His long legs took him away in quick strides and you observed him from the darkness before walking toward your actual apartment building. You could still see the tiny speck of him rushing down the sidewalk as you opened the metal door of your building to settle down for the night.
With all the adrenaline of the events wearing off you quickly fall into a heavy sleep with the thought of Gi-hun, the gambling man.
—
The second time you saw Gi-hun it came as a complete shock.
You’d expected him to be dead by the end of the week. Not because you wanted him dead, but because of the whole situation you found him in when you first met him.
He’d been with a friend it seemed but they were standing directly outside where he’d ‘dropped you off’ that last time. You wondered if the friend lived there, but your question was quickly answered.
Gi-hun waved him off and as they shouted playful goodbyes his full body turned enough for you to see that he had been holding a bag. He was waiting by the entrance of the building, right next to the glass door.
It was busy that day—a Thursday. The hustle and bustle of the city street was filled with others walking to their destinations as well as honking cars. Such an opposite to when you first saw him.
You’d just come from work, tired and annoyed and very much looking forward to your plans of staying inside. Dealing with retail customers was a bit much. However, it was something to help you pay bills and give yourself something nice at the end of the week. But you’d perked up a little at the idea of saying hello to him, just briefly, as it seemed he was waiting for someone.
So you figured, why not?
Your social life was a bit stagnant. The only people you really spoke to were others at work and even then you weren’t sure of the social culture there just yet. You were honestly just glad there were a prominent amount of others your age working along side you.
As for school, no one really. You kept to yourself to study and finish assignments. It wasn’t the easiest being a transfer student. It also didn’t help that because of the workload of your degree, you couldn’t do much else even in your free time. Looking back on your first 4 years of school—well, let’s just say everyone above you in their established programs were right when they said you’d miss it even at its worst.
The time spent outside your apartment was spent alone. Going to the movies, buying small treats and trinkets, and grocery shopping.
The sight of Gi-hun catching the attention of an older lady walking out of the building snapped you out of your thoughts. You’d watched carefully as he spoke, almost bending all the way down to her eye level to frantically receive an answer. It was like he was describing someone, and some strange part of you felt like it had to do with you. Nonetheless you stared.
You saw her shake her head and wave him off, her caged shopping trolly trailing behind her. Gi-Hun, visibly disappointed by this, heaves out a groan and leans back against the wall. His defeated look is what makes you head over.
You felt almost embarrassed doing so. Was it pathetic that you’re so lonely you’re willing to speak to a middle aged man if only for a few minutes? One whose life seemed to be so unconventional that he’d been tied up and thrown in the middle of the street?
Yes. It was. But you just didn’t care.
The distance between you wasn’t so long considering you could see Gi-hun from where you stood previous. So when you’d reached about half way, he’d practically jumped off the wall and screamed your name when he spotted you. You were taken aback, almost pausing your movements, but he made quick work of meeting you and cutting the distance.
“I’ve been trying to find you!” Gi-hun said, fully grabbing your shoulders and shaking you gently. It’s like he’d just seen an old friend. “2 and a half weeks. I’ve been trying to thank you!”
“You already did,” the smile on your face softens how cold and reserved your words sound in that moment. “And I thanked you when you walked me—“
“But this time I’ve really got something to say it,” Gi-hun opens the plastic bag he’d been holding. “I’ve been waiting for you, you know,” he continued to scramble his hand inside to grab what he’s looking for. “But I could never catch you outside of your apartment. Do you ever come out, anyway? Did you know I was waiting?” The last sentence comes with a laugh and you couldn’t help but giggle yourself.
“Aha!” He took out a plastic bag of—“Baked treats. See, I would’ve had something better for you but I could never catch you. So it all became mine.” Gi-hun laughed again and you shook your head with a grin in disbelief.
“Wow, I-“ you took the bag from him and observe it briefly before nodding your head at him. “This is great, Gi-hun, thank you so much. I wish I could repay you but I haven’t got anything. I mean we could go out for a—“
“No need. I was the one that put you in that—situation, I guess,” he waved his hand in dismissal. “I just needed to say thank you.”
You glanced back at the treats. It was silent for a moment as you tried and think of a way to show your gratitude. Your eyes snapped back up at his and you visibly perked up which in turn made him straighten his back and smile in excitement.
“I’ve got some um—,” you took a step back as you pointed back toward your apartment. For a moment he looked confused but he followed your movement. “Some food cooking—some meat. Have you eaten already?” You felt a little embarrassed over the fact that you sounded like some type of motherly figure, but it’s the least you could do to even out the exchange and show gratitude.
Gi-hun shook his head and gave you a brief smile. But that look of confusion was still on his face as you stepped toward the building.
“But don’t you—?”
You turned to face him and watch as he pointed over to the area he was standing at. Your steps faltered for a moment and you awkwardly shifted the bag you’d been carrying over your shoulder. You felt like an asshole.
“No I-I live here,” you pointed toward where you were leading him, voice soft in embarrassment.
Gi-hun glanced between you and the building before smiling and nodding. He was still excited as ever.
“I’d been waiting for you over there!” He laughed. “I didn’t know—“
“I-yeah,” you laughed awkwardly, stepping toward the metal door of your building and unlocking it. “I didn’t know if you were gonna try and follow me in or anything so I just—I don’t know.” You laughed awkwardly again but that same smile on his face remained.
“No worries. We all have to be careful, right?”
Especially you.
It was kind of a mean thought, but later when you found out he’d been thrown out of a van and left to fend for himself it was only natural for you to think such a thing.
You wondered if this was all a mistake. If these were going to be your last moments on earth before he did something fucked up and left you for dead. But your gut wasn’t really telling you to watch out for any red flags. Maybe you just really were that lonely.
Because yeah, sure. He waited outside your building for however many days just to give you a gift. But again, he was tied up and cold and you happened to run into him and help.
As you placed the key into the knob of your door, your neighbor, an old woman, walked out of her own apartment to shake a small rug. You turned your head and greeted one another with a smile and wave. Her eyes then fell onto Gi-hun and he exchanged a grin and greeting and her smile faltered. She glanced back at you and before your own smile could fall from embarrassment, you shoved the door open frantically and held it for him.
You hoped she doesn’t think there was anything going on here.
You closed the door behind him and he looked around, eyes wide in fascination. You were just glad you tidied up a couple days ago.
“It’s small I know—“
“But you’ve got a place of your own.” Gi-hun raised his arms and then dropped them as if in disbelief. He became distracted by a trinket sitting on a shelf and as you set your things down you walked over to the kitchen area of the apartment.
It’s a studio size plus a one bedroom so you’ve at least got some privacy. Not that anyone comes in anyway….
You briefly responded to him as you set him up a plate of some things you’d already got prepared and cooking. Gi-hun talks a lot—Not that you hadn’t already noticed. But it’s great considering you were concentrating on trying to be a good host. You’re not much of a talker anyway.
You invited him to sit and you set his meal down, then began to set yours up as well. He continued to speak as you prepared your plate, many compliments coming your way and you’d been flattered really. It’s actually great considering he’s the first guest in your home ever.
When you joined him in sitting you noticed that he hadn’t started eating yet. It made your stomach erupt in butterflies for a moment at how little but polite of a gesture it is. You mentally slapped yourself in the face and rolled your eyes.
Are you really getting all blushy over a man having manners?You glanced up at him. You think back to the first time you encountered him. Half naked…disheveled…his cute eyes…his—
“This is delicious!” He said with his mouth full. You smiled bashfully and thanked him, stealing another glance as he went in for another big bite. “So, where were you coming from?”
“Just work,” you shook your head in dismissal. The both of you talked briefly about it but you wanted all the attention off you. Or maybe you just want to know more about him. “What about you?”
“Chauffeur,” he swallowed. “I used to work in a warehouse for many years…cars, ya know?” You nodded in acknowledgement. There’s more questioning about your background and you gave short answers to be polite. But honestly you felt a little pathetic when any question about your social life flies your way.
“Where do you live?” You asked, watching as he chugged his prepared drink. “You said you didn’t live far from here.”
With a shake of his head and a smile he said, “Just down the street, really. About a 5 minute walking distance,” At that you nod and think.“How long have you been here?”
“Not long maybe…” you furrowed your brows and a soft snicker was heard from him. You look up and your cheeks flush at the endearing look he’s going you. “Um…hm—“ you cleared your now dry throat. You could just try and ignore it. “7 months?”
“7 months and it took this long to meet my new friend!” At that you both laugh, though you give more of a shy giggle than his boisterous one. “You live alone?”
“Well no one else exactly fits in here.”
“Maybe one other person.”
He glanced around briefly before his eyes landed back on you. You’re looking around as well, embarrassed by how you it is. Absolutely not a shared space.
“What about you? You got a family?”
The question made his smile falter and you suddenly felt horrible for something you couldn’t have known was a touchy subject. But it intrigued you regardless.
“No I-I live alone,” you figure he’d leave it at that and you wouldn’t pry but he continues. “My wife—ex-wife and daughter live in America now.”
“Oh, sorry,” it’s all you could think of to say. “You got a…” it’s too late to really stop the question now. “Roommate? Girlfriend?”
He laughed so suddenly it almost scared you, but you couldn’t help but smile. He slapped a hand on his leg and shook his head.
“No, no, no! I don’t think I’ve spoken to a woman romantically since before my divorce!” Gi-hun laughed again with a shake of his head. “Well, haven’t you?”
“No,” you sighed out an awkward laugh and he joined you. “I don’t leave this damn place.”
“Oh, I’m sure you go out sometimes!” You shook your head again. “What about your friends? Can’t they set you up with anyone?”
“I like to meet people organically I guess,” you shrugged. All this talk of romance was making you feel uncomfortable. “You can try and figure out who’s a creep and who isn’t easier that way.” Gi-hun laughed again and you joined him quietly.
The conversation quickly drifted over to a new topic, thanks to your help. Before either of you knew it, the sun was already setting. He’d been here for a couple hours and it just felt so strangely natural. Again, you chopped it up to loneliness. But you couldn’t help and think to yourself:
No fucking way my friend for the afternoon is a 52 year old man.
You said your goodbyes at the door and Gi-hun gave you a pat on the shoulder that only made you blush. You figured this was the first and last time you’d see him. Just a crossing in paths for a moment in time.
But here you are, months later, staring at him comically throwing his hands in the air as he talks to a friend on the phone.
To put it briefly, he just kept showing up.
Gi-hun would come week after week, which became day after day. You’d share a meal, a movie, a long talk, or maybe even a treat out by a corner store. He was almost like a boyfriend, minus the intimate aspects of it. Though if you really thought about it—
“I’ll see you! Yes…yes…okay okay!” With that you see Gi-hun put the phone on the counter and he approaches you. He brushes his hair to the side and sits heavy at the table where you’ve been silently watching a show on the TV for the past 20 minutes he’s been on the phone. “You gonna shower first or should I?”
Oh yeah.
He moved in.
“You can go ahead. This is getting good,” you nod your head over to the TV and he glances back at it. “Just please leave the window open I hate when the steam makes it hot in here.” He waves a hand at you and makes a quip about it. You watch his back as he leaves the room and shuts the door.
Gi-hun had been so lonely. Really, so had you. He didn’t have anyone else and you could use the company considering you were new to this area anyway. Well, Gi-hun didn’t have to move in for that but….
He had stayed over once after a night of heavy drinking on his part. You’d only been buzzed. It was a fun night of watching old American game shows and trying to guess to the answers. Gi-hun couldn’t really walk by the end of it.
So you offered him your bed.
Gi-hun declined saying that he could make it home. He said he had made it home in worse conditions before. But you couldn’t really let him considering he’d been jumped a few times recently for gambling purposes. Plus he was a little much like this and you didn’t want him to piss the wrong person off.
So you tricked him.
You lead him to the room to show him something you bought and he’d sat on your bed and with a fall onto his back, had fallen asleep. You had to maneuver him a bit so he’d not only be under the covers but also not have his legs dangling from the edge of the bed.
You’d went to bed on the couch, however restless. You couldn’t stop thinking about how he was in the other room—warm and comfy. You’d wondered what would happen if you laid beside him. Would he care? Would he think you were a touch deprived freak? It didn’t matter. You fell asleep to the thought of his arms around you anyway.
So then he just started sleeping over on a regular basis.
Being a college student meant needing that social release of an accompanied drink and Gi-hun gave that to you. Even so, you’d both be a little sleepy from a late-night movie, so it’d be lights out for him on the couch if he couldn’t keep his eyes open. So it wasn’t always drinking. No, sometimes it was just a 3 day long sleepover with an immature 52 year old with a recovering gambling addiction. Because yes, you were trying to help him out.
So he moved in.
One day Gi-hun had come home to announce he’d gotten another ‘real’ job at a factory. It wasn’t long before he’d blown almost all the money he made in the few weeks he’d been employed. As his friend you’d sat him down and explained this wasn’t going to cut it. He was helping you pay rent now, after all.
Gi-hun had his head hung and those puppy-dog eyes staring right into yours. He looked so disappointed in himself for causing you to be disappointed in him. You could have cried.
“I-I’m sorry. I know this is a problem but—“
“No,” He stood then and you followed. You opened your mouth to console him. “You’re right. I’ll stop. I’ll try.”
“As long as you try.”
You’d both exchanged a hug.
It wasn’t the first time you’d embraced, but something about it felt so deep. Well actually, a few things were a little different, too— even beforehand.
It was the long touches on your lower back as he reached for things above you in your tiny kitchen.
It was the abnormally close spots on the couch when there was extra empty room for personal space.
It was the few times when you’d be in the middle of showering that he’d ask if he could come in to grab something or use the toilet. This was something you almost rejected entirely, but nothing suspicious ever happened. At least you don’t think so.
It was the way you’d both lay over the covers of your bed and stare at the ceiling and talk and talk and talk. Gi-hun had his own bed, mind you, parallel on the opposite side of the room. But it was easier to talk in softer voices this way. That was the excuse you told yourself.
“Those games,” you murmured one night. “What would you have done if you won?”
Gi-hun was silent for a long time.
“Pay back the loan sharks,” but his tone is one of longing. “And…went to America.” Your breath hitches at that.
Well, no shit. His family is there.
But it’s selfish to think that he’d want to stay with you. Had Gi-hun gone back though…well there wouldn’t be any more to the story.
More silence fills the room but you break it.
“And you said they killed people?”
“Playing children’s games.”
“Gi-hun, I believe you…but it almost sounds fake. Like a fucked up TV show.”
He huffs out a laugh and you feel his head turn toward you. You do the same and give him a soft smile.
“If you see a handsome man in a nice suit playing ddakji at the station, walk the other way.”
—
You’re moved to the couch now, eyes heavy and a fresh smelling Gi-hun by your side. Your own hair is wet and face slick with moisturizer. You look over at Gi-hun whose own shiny face from the same lotion turns toward you as well.
“Do you feel it working?” You grin.
“It feels…nice. Fresh.”
With that you both erupt in laughter and you lean your head back and close your eyes. The domesticity of it is suffocating.
“Bed time?”
“When the show’s over.”
You can still feel Gi-hun staring at you but you’re too tired to do any flirting eyes that go no where. But then you feel him shift toward you. That causes you to open an eye at him, feigning suspicion. But he doesn’t seem to be in a playful mood. In fact, Gi-hun looks a little too scared to approach you.
“I have to say something.”
“Hm?”
“I-I did something—“ he swallows thick, his hands wringing in his lap. You perk up at this, turning your body toward him. “I know I said I wouldn’t any more. I’ve tried—I have. I hope you believe me.” Gi-hun leans over as if trying to press you for an answer.
“Y-Yeah I mean I don’t know what you’re talking about but…yeah.”
“I placed a few bets. I just—“ he pulls his hair from his forehead and gently grabs hold of it as he sighs. “I won. A decent amount of money too. But I’d like to share it with you.” You stay quiet for a moment.
Sure you’re disappointed, but he’d died it down significantly since you first made this deal. Plus if he’s willing to share it with you then what’s the harm?
“Just have it go toward the rent,” you shrug. it just feels weird having to take it from him.
“You’re not mad?”
“I’m disappointed,” Gi-hun’s chest almost visibly tightens at that. “But if you can show me you won’t spend it then…growth. Right?”
Maybe it’s because you’re young. Maybe it’s because you have some neglected other feelings for Gi-hun. Maybe it’s because you feel so bad for him. He shouldn’t be shacked up with a girl almost 30 years his junior. He should be seeing a therapist for his problems. But it’s just something neither of you have discussed together in order for anyone to even think to suggest it.
But you just…let it slide. Kind of.
“I—yes. I’ll give you the rent on time. But I’d like to—“
“Just…let’s leave it at that, yeah?“ you give him a gentle smile, playfully pat at his head and mess up his already shaggy hair. “Bed time?”
Gi-hun glances over at the TV and turns to you with a meek smile and nods.
Bed time.
—
You’d been a little embarrassed about the looks from your neighbors when you’d come and gone with Gi-hun. They’d only really speak to you when he’s not around—or at least literally next to you. Because he’s always around.
Your neighbor had expressed some concern for the situation.
“If he’s not a relative…then—“ that horrified look in her face made you panic.
“No! No, no, no,” you laughed awkwardly. “Gi-hun just stays with me. He has a wife and a daughter in America—“
“Oh! Oh, I see,” your neighbor had nodded. “So no sex. Or kissing.”
The explicit nature of the phrase made you choke on air. It was just so jarring coming from a conservative old lady. She’d rushed over and patted your back gently as you heaved and coughed right outside your doors in the hallway.
“N-No! No,” you’d shaken your head in between heaves. With a clear throat but a buzzing mind, she’d given you a look of approval and handed you something she’d made.
But when Gi-hun had come home for the day you couldn’t help but think back to that conversation.
You’d thought about it—Making a move.
From what you knew, Gi-hun didn’t talk to any other women. At least when he was out late at night he would say he was with a friend. There’d be no reason to lie about it either.
You chopped it up to hormonal issues. Sometimes you felt these thoughts were a little ridiculous, other times you’d have to lock the door to the shower. So the feelings couldn’t be for real, right?
But then Gi-hun would playfully kiss your cheek or embrace you in excitement and you’d have to avoid him for the rest of the day or you’d burst into tears. It just had to be touch deprivation, right? Emotional deprivation, too, maybe.
A few days after that conversation with your neighbor, Gi-hun had brought up something that only made things worse for you internally. You aren’t even sure why it bothered you so much. Maybe because it wasn’t a big deal to him.
You’re standing beside him, a lock of hair pressed between your index and middle finger as you swiftly nip the ends of his hair with scissors. Gi-hun had been talking for the duration of the time, waving his hands so much you had to remind him to sit still before his hair came out crooked. With soft ‘uh-huh’s and ‘oh really?’s falling from your lips every so often, he’d eventually calmed his talking, staring at his reflection in the mirror.
“You confuse me.”
“Huh?” You’re behind his head now, glancing up at his eyes in the mirror to acknowledge the statement. More snipping ensues a second later.
“You still haven’t kicked me out.”
“Why would I do that?”
“No boyfriend?” With that you pause.
You look up at him through his reflection as he does the same. The gaze is intense and had his statement not irritated you, you’d have been blushing.
“What’s your fascination with this?” You scoff. Because he’s the only one you need.
“Nothing. It’s just…haven’t you been out lately? You went out drinking, saw a movie with friends…” he shrugs.
“Yeah, so?”
Gi-hun shrugs again and pouts a lip out. It’s like he can’t put what he really wants to say into words.
“I-I mean—just,” he shrugs again. “I just think you’d have been asked out by now.”
You don’t say so, but of course you’d been asked out by now. You were too scared he’d want to give you space. Your social life had improved enough for you to have regular plans some days of the week. But none of the guys ever caught your eye. Though, you’d never admit the fact that you did go on a date with someone just because they vaguely resembled Gi-hun. It was only one date anyway. You feel ashamed over the fact that that had been the sole reason you did it anyway.
“I go out. You know I do,” you then look back down at his hair. You almost want to cut a chunk of it off because he’s making you feel so annoyed. You comb some more pieces in between your two fingers and furrow your brows. “I’m just too busy for all that.” You mumble. Gi-hun laughs at that.
“Too busy doing what? Cutting my hair?” He lets another laugh erupt and you sigh and shake your head. A small smirk creeps onto your lips but you suppress it with a bite of your teeth.
“I’m too busy acting like you’re my boyfriend with all this—“ you wave your hands in the air in reference to your lifestyle with him. “What more can I do when I’m too busy taking care of you?” The statement doesn’t come off harsh by any means but you’re glad Gi-hun still doesn’t take offense.
“Well if I’m your boyfriend why haven’t you set up any candlelight dinners?” he snickers and you giggle.
“Oh, shut up. Aren’t you supposed to wine and dine me? I have nice clothes I wanna wear.”
The banter remains the same—nothing serious ever comes from it. But when you finish trimming Gi-hun’s hair he turns toward you. You’re oblivious to it as you move to grab the broom, but he stands, looming over you with his gangly frame.
Gi-hun calls for your name gently and you turn, a little confused by that solemn look on his face. You notice the scruff on his face and you want to brush your fingertips over it. But instead you then raise your brows to show you’re attentive to what he has to say.
“Have I ever made you feel,” Gi-hun pauses as he thinks. “Uncomfortable?”
You tilt your head to the side in confusion. You glance down for a moment to think. Well, the truth is he has. But only because of what you’re dealing with internally. So the answer is really no. Sure, the soft feeling of his knuckles grazing your cheek when he moves hair from your face makes you want to shove him away. Yes, all the times he excitedly hugs you when you’ve passed a test or taken a shot without a grimace makes you want to scream. Even when he’d gently whisper to you in the darkness of your room, your knuckles grazing each other’s with some kind of unspoken rule not to really hold hands.
Your silence causes him to reach out and grab at your shoulders, like he’s trying to snap you out of your contemplation. You perk up a little and swallow thickly, then shake your head.
“Okay,” he whispers, but he’s still holding onto you. There’s silence between you as your eyes fall down to his chest. You’re seemingly back in your trance. Gi-hun calls your name again with a gentle shake and you only hang your head. “What? What is it? You’re lying, aren’t you? I have—oh shit. I have—I have.” He pulls his hands back as if he’s touched fire, and you snap your head up instantly. You want to interject over his ramblings to assure him but it’s like you don’t know what to say.
Before you know it he’s rushing out of the bathroom. “Gi-hun!” You shout for him and run out to follow him and you watch as he scrambles to pull on his shoes. “Gi-hun stop—what are you doing?” He quickly grabs a hat that’d been lying around nearby and you follow after him as quickly as you can in your state of confusion. But by the time he’s got the door open and you’d chased after him, he’s stomping down the stairs as fast as he can. “Gi-hun!” You call out in a soft cry, hopeful to not disturb anyone around.
You can only see a speck of him jogging across the street of your apartment complex and you press your fingers to your lips. It’d all happened so fast that you’d just needed to stand there and process it. What’s your next move?
Fucking nothing.
You quickly rush inside before anyone comes out of their own doors, and you rush over to the biggest window in the living room area in hopes you’ll see him. But to your expected disappointment, find nothing. All you can do is hope he comes back.