Chapter Text
When the stars blinked their last and the dark folded over like a curtain,
A final performance,
Viktor released a shuddering breath, the crushing weight of his guilt, his sins, his monstrosities and atrocities committed somehow bearable in his last seconds, bathed in Jayce’s light. The smallest and kindest reprieves, just as the happiest years of his tragic, dirtied existence had been.
A shock of warmth, lit beneath the cage of his ribs where a human heart had once beat, broken and bruised and warped with metal and magic,
It’s undeniable now, is it?
A single tear slipped from his eyes, disappearing into the galaxies, into the Arcane, as it consumed them both.
Shame, fear, disgust, regret, euphoria, ecstasy, and bliss, crumbling in on itself like a supernova.
Jayce pressed them together, holding him close, sharing the weight of his consequences as gravity around them collapsed, a hunger so deep that not even the brightest of lights could escape—
Jayce could have never escaped Viktor and his destruction.
I—
I’m sorry—
And then…
Nothing.
All was still, silent, a final breath as he felt himself erased from the fabric of space-time, blotted out like an ugly stain. It was quiet. It was peace.
A peace he didn’t deserve as he embraced the end.
......
.....
....
...
..
.
The universe, the Arcane, seemed to agree with him.
For a moment, Viktor’s world, Viktor’s existence had crumbled from an unyielding abyss to a dot as final as punctuation marks at the end of a sentence that closed his chapter forever. The next second (or millennia, or eon, or eternity ), it exploded, expanded, a cacophony of creation crashing at lightspeed. His senses blared to life, an agony of consciousness that he could barely grasp, neurons firing painful synapses like gunfire through every nerve to unkindly inform Viktor that no, against his greatest fears and deepest hopes, this was not the end.
Not by a longshot.
Every ragged breath felt like daggers through his tattered lungs, and yet he remained greedy, something akin to shock and a sudden human terror rippling through him that he’d desperately tried to bury beneath poisoned blood and metal bones. Every gasp was fighting back a scream. Every movement was fighting back convulsions. Even with his eyes closed, it was too bright; even without processing noise, it was too loud ; the very surface he writhed upon felt like needles to his skin—
A warm hand cupped his cheek,
A solid body was flush against him,
A sob was ripped from Viktor’s parched, aching throat, wretched and hopeful all at once as he was lulled back to equilibrium to the cadence of a human heart.
Viktor opened his eyes.
He’d awoken,
He’d lived,
Cradled in Jayce’s arms on the floor of their old lab, painfully human, untouched, unmarked by the Arcane, of the last few years where Viktor had slowly descended, spiraling to desperation to save himself.
It can’t—
It can’t—
Jayce said it was a miracle. Whispered the words like worship, tears streaming down his face and shoulders trembling as he tried not to let his considerable sobs rattle them both as he pressed his wet cheek to the warm curve of Viktor’s throat.
A second chance. A rewrite: the pages torn from the script and thrown into the bin, with only the pressure of the pen leaving indentations in their memories as proof.
The realization of this had frozen something deep within Viktor’s core, the proof staring him in the face as if challenging him , as Sky Young entered the lab, startled, concerned, flustered,
Alive.
Viktor hadn’t even realized his vision blurred from tears, something crashing and drowning him with unshed grief and maybe something like cruel relief as they laid there on the cold floor. Similarly, Jayce couldn’t even form the words to reassure her, to discourage her from calling for medical attention. He found himself preoccupied with Viktor, eyes never leaving his face as if he’d disappear right before him—
As if he’d change right before his very eyes.
“S-say something— Viktor!”
Despite his partner’s pleading, Viktor found it difficult to acquiesce. Though his throat no longer burned and he held the coherence to reply,
He’d feared the sort of soul-wrenching wail that would follow, horrors beyond human and machine imagination and dreaming, releasing unfiltered in the confines of this fragile place. As it were, Jayce was an astoundingly demanding and dogged thing in his pleadings, his handsome face twisting from careless hope to anxious despair with every passing second Viktor remained wordless to him.
“Please, anything— say anything!”
So Viktor swallowed his demons, despite how they threatened to claw their way out from the line of his lips as his own sobs shook his fragile, fragile, frame.
He hadn’t the slightest idea what to even say. Least of all to Jayce. But he owed him something, right?
An apology, at the very least, but that hadn’t been what Viktor had been ready to say.
“ Why —”
Why indeed. If this was a second chance, he certainly was not deserving of it. If this was his purgatory to relive the same mistakes again and again, it was an exquisite hell of torturous machinations.
I shouldn’t be here was what he’d wanted to say. What he’d meant to say.
It was their lab. It was Viktor’s handwriting on the chalkboard, his notes scattered across the tables, his blueprints and prototypes laying in unfinished jigsaw pieces, but it also wasn’t. The walls seemed to close in on him, the room growing too small as a nauseating dread overtook him. But then, Jayce cried openly something like joy and heartbreak melding into one, holding Viktor tight enough like it’d keep him from falling apart. As if knowing, as if shielding him from the very sight of this place could save Viktor from everything that came before, everything that came after.
Medics flooded the room in a chaotic stampede and Jayce snarled like a wounded animal as they attempted to untangle their limbs, prying his hand from Jayce’s as the man clawed his way to reach him, as if even an atom-tiny separation would rip him apart by the seams.
Even as black dotted Viktor’s vision,
curtains falling over in intermission,
Jayce’s screams followed him into the dark.
The doctors performed their physicals, their blood tests, their mental status exams and concluded with assured medical expertise that the likely culprits to their joint psychotic break were extreme stress and dehydration.
(On top of the staggering list of symptoms and conditions comprising Viktor’s medical and social history.)
Viktor finished the morning’s rounds with the medical team with the news he’d be discharged that afternoon. The young trainee on the team expressed concerns for his more chronic ailments, but the attending ushered her to convey them to his primary physician instead.
Viktor had wanted to ask if he’d even bothered to ask if he had a primary physician to begin with, but he knew he’d be needlessly prolonging this meeting by doing so. He’d already been kept an extra day in this sterile prison.
The trainee handed him a typed slip of his medical reports, his treatments (mostly IV saline), and the recommended pain regimens used for his neuropathy and arthralgias, and a mild sedative to aid with the…nightmares.
Viktor watched as the rest of the doctors flowed out of his room, part-way from her reiterating the doses and scheduling to him. She’d been at the tail end of a practiced speech on returning to their care should related matters arise when Viktor nodded, anxiety under his skin for discharge. “Thank you for the summary, I’ll keep to the recommendations.”
“O-Of course, and please remember to schedule a follow up with your regular physician soon.”
Viktor nodded. “Yes, I will.”
It bothered Viktor just how easily the lie flowed out of him.
Still, it had the desired effect as the trainee brightened, wished him the best, and bid him farewell as she scurried to catch up to the rest of the herd.
Viktor absently flipped through the papers, pausing at the sight of an address scribbled by hand at the back.
“Did you mean that?”
Viktor turned to the doorway. It was a familiar sight by now. Jayce looked…well, like he hadn’t slept in days. There were dark circles under his eyes, sallow cheeks, and the bronze of his skin had paled with malaise. Still, he greeted Viktor with the same open relief and blinding affection.
As guarded as Viktor could be, he hoped he’d been able to convey the same.
Jayce had been a menace to the nursing staff, especially during the night when he’d discontinue his own IV and sneak into Viktor’s room, only to be shooed and steered back towards his own hospital bed. Jayce had even argued for them to share a patient room, but had relented when Viktor snorted and cited that he’d never get any sleep with Jayce’s constant fussing. Before the hurt had even begun to steep, Viktor soothed it with permission for Jayce to visit any time during visiting hours. Jayce had been quick to offer the same rights.
Not that Jayce really allowed him the opportunity to return the favor.
“Ah, served your time already?” Viktor found it easier to reassure Jayce this way. Small comforts by shaping conversations to the molds of the bond they once shared. A bond that Viktor had irreversibly broken and one that Jayce was trying to piece together, building a bridge with grains of sand.
“Same with you, by the sounds of it.” The smile on Jayce’s lips made his heart jump with obnoxious familiarity.
Viktor clearly never learned his lesson.
Jayce made his way to his usual perch at the worn chair beside him; Viktor met him halfway, offering his hand for Jayce to hold. Immediately, their fingers intertwined in a motion that grew more and more familiar over the past few days: one that settled the storms in Jayce’s mind, even for a sliver for relief.
“I’ll come with you. After this—when we both get out.”
“To ensure I keep my solemn oath and don’t break that young physician’s delicate trust?” Viktor was fairly sure he was fired from his previous Piltover clinic in the first place. Too many painkiller refill requests without booking an appointment with a physician that had no idea how to even begin treating a chronically ill, chronically decaying Zaunite. Against himself, he wondered if that old clinic in Zaun was still standing.
“Yes. And after that: anywhere—everywhere. If you’d let me.” Jayce gave his hand a squeeze, reassuring if it weren’t for the tremble in his hands and the sweat on his palm, a pressure in his speech straining his words with underlying desperation. “In all timelines, in all possibilities…”
Viktor cast his eyes to the thin hospital blanket, unable to meet the intensity of his gaze. “Jayce, I…”
What could Viktor even say after all this?
“Please… please, Viktor. Let me.”
Let me stay with you.
Let me take care of you.
Let me fix you—
‘You were never broken.’
Viktor hadn’t even registered when Jayce had leapt out of his seat. Hadn’t registered when he started trembling, tears staining his hollowed cheeks and the thin material of the hospital blanket.
By the time his nurse had come to remove his IV and relay the discharge instructions, he’d found the pair curled together on Viktor’s bed, the more unruly of the former patients stroking Viktor’s hair, murmuring something in his ear, something that made his patient squeeze his eyes shut and his face crumple in agony.
The nurse darted out the door, giving the pair privacy.
This was hardly an uncommon sight during their hospitalization.
Viktor had been ready to die. He’d been ready to face the cost of his sins, He never wanted Jayce to die by his side, but something wretched twisted in his heart in a cruel and soft way at the demand to be with Viktor to the very end. Jayce had been…
So,
So afraid.
Viktor knew that he could force Jayce to part for him. He’d done so, quite easily before. Even then, his greed outweighed his guilt. Allowed himself this dying wish, held and comforted as the threads of his story unraveled.
What was one more wrong, a droplet in the ocean of atrocities?
Dying is easy, the dour senior physician said, prescribing unsolicited advice after Viktor declined further treatment. Living is hard.
The patient health questionnaire he’d answered with an honest whim gazed back at him with wordless judgment. The pills on his medicine cup lay untouched. Viktor ensured the next day’s questionnaire with belligerent apathy—a slight improvement. Enough to earn himself his freedom. The specialist’s clinic address was scribbled at the back page of his hospitalization summary.
And with his freedom came the noxious apprehension of facing the world outside the hospital walls. The sun cast its rays brightly overhead and the blue skies were dotted with airships drifting along the clouds, Jayce’s handsome face plastered on the heavens. The Hexgates towered like a righteous triumph in the City of Progress. Viktor turned his gaze away from it and focused on the steps before him on the sidewalk.
This world appeared untouched by the Arcane, by the ravages of war, by the horrors of the Machine Herald’s destruction. It felt like facing a perfect illusion, the veneer of an expert façade that needed a mere tilt of the head to find the seams and cracks; one that Viktor feared would fall away to reveal the rot and ruin underneath.
Jayce remained by his side, nearly unrecognizable as the Man of Progress , despite his regained youth. Their arms brushed against one another as they walked, but he was careful not to crowd Viktor despite his longing for contact. Viktor could sense Jayce’s growing unease, finding little comfort in the stretch of silence between them. Viktor, on the other hand, feared what the silence would be filled with. They hadn’t talked—not fully. Not within the confines of the hospital. Not if they wanted to stay out of the asylums. He knew Jayce wanted to address… everything. What happened, how it all went wrong, why Viktor had done it, where do they stand, and Viktor had never been one to dally, would eat the frog, eyes and all, if it meant moving forward, bu there was a heavy lurch in his chest at the very thought of talking about it, as if Jayce might as well have asked him if he could use his hammer to crack him open, to peer between the pieces to make sense of it all—
“We…should dissolve Hextech.”
Living is hard.
Viktor faltered in his steps ever-so-slightly, causing a passerby to bump against his shoulder. The man sent Viktor a dirty look before huffing and walking away.
“Hey, you should apologize!”
“It’s…fine, Jayce.” In truth, Viktor hadn’t really been all-too aware of his immediate surroundings. Simply taking in the forest and forgetting the trees. He hadn’t even noticed he’d begun tracing his steps back to the Academy.
“Still, he…” Jayce’s words dropped to silence, an anxious pause that Viktor knew Jayce ached to end with every passing second.
“I…believe that’s the correct decision.”
“Right?! I mean, it’s just common decency—”
“I mean,” Viktor huffed out something like a chuckle. “Dissolving Hextech.”
“Oh. Oh! Right! Yeah!” He forced a smile; Viktor could tell (because he always could) from the way the corners of his lips wobbled with the strain. “We’ve…we’ve been given a second shot at this, V. I…I wanna do it right. All the things I should have done all along: destroying it, making sure its designs never fall into the wrong hands, quitting the council—”
“Perhaps…” Viktor started, heart squeezing painfully within the cage of his ribs. “We should take things one day at a time.”
My place was always in the lab, here—
With you.
“Y-yeah…We’ll do it carefully. We’ll figure something out. We always do. Fight for change from another front—”
“One day at a time,” Viktor chided. “Surely, we do not want to bring too much attention to ourselves. What will the Council make of the Man of Progress suddenly closing his doors to this magical innovation?”
“Right…you’re right,” Jayce nodded along, stopping in front of the familiar line of apartments, clearly deflating at the halt of his grand plans.
Viktor could at least spare him some kindness, throwing the other man a cutting smirk. “Of course I am. That hasn’t changed.”
(A pale reflection of what he once was)
It didn’t seem to have the intended effect as Jayce looked as though he were about to cry.
Shit.
Viktor was only grateful for the scarcity of people milling about as it would be entirely cruel of him to simply leave the man blubbering outside his apartment. And while Viktor considers himself a monster in all the worst ways, he couldn’t bring himself to stoop to that level.
“After you.” Viktor held open the door and Jayce, a grown man who towered over Viktor, scampered inside like a pup left out in the cold.
The thought brought a ghost of a smile on his lips. It reminded him of how things…were. It reminded him of the innocence of the days when they started. It was never meant to last, but…
Those were the memories that lingered til their final moments.
Viktor intended to part ways from here, put some distance between them while Viktor planned his next steps and while Jayce busied himself with seeing his loved ones, cherishing their company and presence in his life, re-acquaint himself with the lavish lifestyle before Jayce fully decided what to do with himself without the noose of guilt parading itself as friendly loyalty hanging over him.
Things veered off-script rapidly.
“What day is it…” Viktor muttered, more to himself than posing it to his guest. He peered into the fridge’s contents and found the remaining contents of a jug just enough to make sweetmilk for two—if it hadn’t expired of course. If anything, he could offer a cup of subpar coffee. Viktor opened the contents and took a sniff, not detecting any sour odors.
Good enough.
Jayce seemed to catalogue every inch of Viktor’s modest apartment, from the dried plants that withered from neglect to the succulents that drowned with too much attention. A few stray notes littered the floor, overflowing from a desk stacked with blueprints and open textbooks. Mismatched bookshelves lined the available blank spaces on the walls, second-hand and worn with time and meticulous study. Spare parts of various spare springs, coils, cogs, and the like were boxed and kicked to a designated corner while various tools outnumbered the cutlery in the kitchen. All in all, it hadn’t been nearly as bad as Viktor’s last few years when the pain had rendered the space too hazardous for anyone in his condition to navigate through, but in its current state, remained too tremendous of an effort to organize and clean.
“Can I offer you some—”
“You should move in with me.”
Viktor nearly dropped the jug. He met Jayce’s determined gaze, vehement rejection at the tip of his tongue. “…right, so no coffee for you.”
“I’m being serious, Viktor!”
“What did I say about one day at a time?”
“We are! Doing things one at a time, I mean!” Jayce rounded on him, planting both palms in front of the rickety dining table. “We can move you in today, and get started on planning for Hextech’s dissolution tomorrow!”
Viktor sighed, settling the jug on the table between them. Viktor had an inkling that this had been what Jayce had been nervously trying to spit out all afternoon. He blustered a sigh. “Jayce…”
“Viktor.”
“This is no time for rash decisions.”
“I’m not being rash, I’m — ” Jayce sighed, pacing, frustrated and flustered. “I told you, I’m coming with you.”
“Ah but it seems that you want me to follow you instead.”
“Is that such a big deal?” Jayce had the gall to look hurt. “Is it so terrible to stay with me?”
Viktor exhaled slowly through his nose. “...No. Of course not. But that’s not what you’re asking.”
“It is!" Jayce insisted, desperation, fear seeping into his voice. "I'm not leaving you alone again!”
A familiar fury welled up within Viktor, an old wound ripped open, indignant and ashamed.
Do you think me incapable?
Do you no longer trust me?
Do you think so lowly of me—
“Viktor…” Jayce pleaded. He reached out his hand, waiting for Viktor to meet him halfway. “Please.”
The universe stilled.
Of aurora lights and dark cosmos, two nebulas crashing against one another, their hands joined like a dying central star—
The bastard.
Jayce begged with his eyes more than his words and he will be the death of him in this life, as did the last.
The flames reduced to embers. The fact of the matter was that Jayce had every right to think so lowly of him. Of needing to keep an eye on Viktor. On ensuring Viktor no longer remained a threat to others. Of being incapable of making the right decisions. The last time he’d allowed Viktor to walk away from him, Viktor had—
Viktor, feeling thoroughly wretched, took Jayce's hand and gave it a firm squeeze. He tried to ignore the bright-eyed, soft look in his partner before he took in a breath, damning himself further. “….did you even tell your mother about this?”
Ah. He hadn’t seen that look on his face since...
Since—
“She wouldn’t mind! I promise it, V. I’ll tell her when we get there, just pack an overnight bag and we can send for the rest of your things in the morning—”
“Wait, what do you mean…” Viktor trailed off, brows furrowing. The rest of his things? Just…how long did Jayce plan on playing warden with him? Viktor suddenly grew apprehensive at the thought of growing decrepit within the confines of House Talis: the weird uncle no one particularly wanted there but had embedded himself into the home regardless, like some particularly resistant strain of mold.
“C’mon! It’ll be like a sleepover!” Jayce was already rifling through his shelves and closets, scouring for—whatever Jayce thought he needed for the night.
Viktor shook his head at the other’s zeal. “How many years did that time-paradox regress you?”
Though, Viktor had to admit…it was good seeing Jayce like this again. “You’re never too old for a sleepover.” Jayce even had the audacity to sound utterly sincere.
“Eh. I wouldn’t know.” Viktor shrugged. “I’ve never been invited to one.”
Years ago, Viktor would have beaten that look out of Jayce’s face with his cane. As it were, he’d been too stunned at his own honesty and humiliated by the fact to do anything about it now.
“Viktor…”
And he didn’t need Jayce’s kindness, the last thing he needed was Jayce’s kindness. And yet…
Jayce placed a hand on his shoulder, his large hand enveloping the entire sharp curve with just his palms. “Well, you are now! And we just have to make it the best damn sleepover in all of Piltover.”
Viktor scoffed, his hand lingering a bit too long atop Jayce’s before shrugging off his hold. “That’s a little ambitious for a last-minute affair…” Even then, he stooped down (surprising even himself with his leg’s current mobility) to the bottom of a hall closet and retrieved a worn suitcase hidden behind a pair of old boots and bent crutches.
When Viktor turned back, Jayce might as well have been wagging his tail and running circles in his living room. “What, don’t you trust me? We’ve always been ambitious!”
At that, Viktor couldn’t help but nod.
He’d flown too close to the sun,
And just as before, Viktor would gladly burn in its flames just to bask in Jayce’s warmth.