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Laura watches him from the table she's at. She sits by herself without asking to be left alone. It happens without effort. Not him, though. He's sitting with lots of people. Teachers. Trainers. There's Logan. There's Storm. There's Rachel. There's Kitty. There's Bobby. There's Rogue. Laura finds herself watching Rogue almost as much as she watches him. Gambit. She watches their fingers lace together under the table and she watches them share looks and then she finds herself glaring. Her tray is in front of her, untouched. The milk is opened but it's still full. Her sandwich is still wrapped. The bag of chips, sealed. She finds it hard to eat when she's watching them. Her stomach always seems to be in knots.
And then Dust comes over. She carries her tray, but it only has wrappers because she's already eaten. She doesn't sit with Laura anymore, but says that they are still friends. Laura sometimes wonders if this is really true. Her face is covered so she makes no expressions, but her voice is light and friendly when she speaks. "Hello, X. It's nice to see you today. Are you enjoying your lunch?"
Laura knows what she's supposed to say, and so she says it. "Hello, Dust. It is nice to see you too. Yes, I am." She's lying and they both know it, because her tray is still full. Dust doesn't say anything though. She does a gesture and then walks to the trashcan with her tray, then returns to her seat. She passes Laura again, but says nothing. This happens every day.
Laura avoids looking at anyone until she knows Dust is back with her friends, and then she returns to staring. Rogue is always smiling at Gambit and he's always smiling back. Sometimes he'll touch her face or lean in like he might kiss her, but he doesn't because he can't. It confuses Laura that he's with her. She puts her hands in her lap under the table so that they can't be seen. She can always feel the adamantium poking at her skin. It happens when her stomach starts to hurt and she isn't hungry.
She watches them for extended minutes until Gambit eventually stands. He takes his empty tray and he takes Rogue's, too. He always smiles before he leaves and tells everyone that he's throwing away the trash. They know this, but he says it anyways. Gambit is tall and built and he always wears a thick, brown coat. Laura thinks this should make him clumsy, but it doesn't. He walks with poise and confidence around the tables and he's always slightly smiling. He isn't in uniform at school, so she can see his whole face. He nods at everyone and responds when they say hello. Laura doesn't say hello, but he always slows down when he gets near her. This is why she sits alone, by the garbage can.
"Nice day, Petite," he says, giving her one of those smiles he's always giving Rogue. He never shows his teeth when he does, but somehow it makes it more sincere. Like it's something private between just the two of them. One eyebrow lifts slightly at the arch and his eyes gleam. It makes her stomach knot up even more. She doesn't ever respond, but she watches as he goes. He never seems to notice her silence and is still smiling when he walks by. When he passes her on his way back he pokes her side and says, "You ain't hungry, girl? If you're not feelin' well, you could always swing by my class to take a load off. My door's always open."
And then he goes back to his table and sits next to Rogue, but she hardly notices them anymore. She stands up from her chair with her full tray and dumps everything in the trash. It's still wrapped and untouched, but it slips into the bag. Sometimes Pixie walks by and invites her to sit at their table the next day, but Laura doesn't listen. She grabs her backpack and leaves the cafeteria, heading for her next class.
She doesn't get to see him again until it's after school. This is when the X-Men and some of the students get together for a game of basketball. The teams vary each day, but Gambit is always on the court. Jubilee plays too. She passes Laura, who sits on the sideline bench, and invites her to join them some time. But Laura brings her backpack and gestures to her books. She never has homework, but she pulls out a textbook and pretends to read. She doesn't watch until Jubilee walks away.
Gambit holds back when he's playing the younger guys, but he always has a sense of self-assurance and never lets them get completely past him. He lets Quentin steal the ball from time to time, but doesn't let him score. He let's Josh block him once, but he shoulders him to the side after that. He lets Jubilee shoot for the hoop, but he catches the ball before it makes it completely in. When Rogue is outside, she usually is, she'll slap his shoulder and tell him to play nice. Bobby and Logan usually dismiss her, but Laura doesn't hear everything they say. While they talk, Gambit looks at Laura and gestures for her to play with them. She looks down at her book and then back up and shrugs her shoulders. He pretends to pout, but she can always see a smile. They play for hours. It isn't until Gambit mentions papers to grade when Laura finally puts her book up and heads inside. Sometimes Julian is waiting for her, but he says nothing. He looks at her like he's received bad news. She pretends not to notice.
Inside her room, Laura does nothing. She shares the space with Jubilee and Jubilee's adopted son. Logan offered her a room to herself, but bunking with Jubilee is almost the same thing. She lies down on her bed and watches the shadow of the ceiling fan break the stillness of the room until the door opens and she isn't alone anymore. The baby is crying and Laura knows the night is going to be long and restless. Jubilee will ask her favors and she will have no choice but to do them because Jubilee cannot.
"You wanna take shifts?" she asks, cradling the small being in her arms.
Laura doesn't answer because they both already know what she's supposed to say. She tugs off her jeans and her jacket, then gets under the covers. Jubilee takes the first shift, and then Laura takes the second. There are hardly ever three, so Laura needs to get sleep now. The sheets are warm and the mattress is soft. The temperature of the room is chilled. She shuts her eyes and let's herself drift to unconsciousness.
Jubilee wakes her up when it's 12:30. "I'm sorry," she says. "We don't have to change shifts yet, but could you go to the kitchen and warm up a bottle? I think he's hungry."
Laura obliges because she knows Jubilee is tired and the baby is relentless. His cries are husky and tired. She moves quickly to get out of bed, grabbing her jacket on her way out. She zips it up halfway when she steps into the hall because it's always colder in the rest of the building. Her legs are bare and she feels her knees shake. It won't make her ill because of healing factor, but her body still responds. The hum of the a.c. is the only sound. It seems to echo.
She gets downstairs and enters the kitchen, disregarding the night light plugged in next to the sink. It's there for the younger students, though Laura knows that only she and Jubilee are the ones here at these hours. The formula is the first thing in the cupboard and there's already a bottle on the counter. Jubilee must have predicted that it would be needed. She fills the cup with a scoop of the powder and then halfway with water before sticking it in the microwave and punching in the time. It starts with a hum and more of the room lights up with a soft glow.
"Lights out was two hours ago, petite effrontee."
Laura turns around, though she already knows who it is. "Hi."
Gambit walks to the fridge and takes a beer sitting in the door. "Everything okay?" The microwave beeps and she takes the bottle out, showing it to him as if it could speak for her. He seems to understand and nods once, taking a long sip from his drink. "Have you gotten any sleep?"
"Yes." She walks to the counter and takes a hand towel, knowing it will be needed later. Gambit takes another drink.
"It's great seein' you around again, Laura. I don't have anything against the Avengers, but I think we deserve you more." He adds the last part with a wink and Laura looks at the floor. He chuckles softly.
The next few minutes are spent in silence. Laura takes her time screwing the cap on the bottle and Gambit takes his time nursing his alcohol. When she's done, she tucks the towel under her arm and carries the bottle with the opposite hand. "I need to give these to Jubilee," she explains. "The baby is hungry."
"Wait, Petite." He reaches out a hand and touches her shoulder. She stops, and turns around. "I couldn't help but notice you sittin' alone all the time."
"I am alone because I wish to be."
"All well and good. I was just gonna say that you could sit with me if you want. Jubilee sits with us a lot, when she has the time. You can too. I know we're the teachers, but that don' mean anything. I don' want you feelin' alone."
Laura frowns. "I do not know everyone you sit with."
"Nothin' a good ol' fashioned hand shake can't fix." He smiles and his tone his light-hearted, but she knows there's an underlying note of sincerity.
"Gambit--"
"Non, Petite. I don' like seein' you by yourself."
Her frown deepens and she looks down at the bottle in her hand. There's a leak in the cap and trail of diluted milk trickles down her hand. "Rogue sits with you," she says. She doesn't hide the bitterness that comes along with saying her name.
Gambit's hand slides down her arm and stops at the bend of her elbow. His grip is relaxed, but she knows it means he wants her to stay. They must talk about this. "You don't like that?" he asks.
Laura looks away. "Gambit, Jubilee is waiting for me."
He let's his hand fall to his side and he takes another long drink. Laura's almost to the door when he says, "You should try to talk more, Laura. You'd be surprised by what people will let you say. Some people might even feel the same as you."
When Laura returns to the room, the baby has worn himself to sleep in his crib and Jubilee is lying on her bed. She doesn't move and Laura knows she's too late. She sets the bottle and towel on the desk and turns out the light. It's already one, but she doesn't feel like sleeping.
She doesn't see him again until she's walking to her first class. He wasn't in the cafeteria this morning, but Rogue was. So were the other teachers. At first, she thinks he might be ill with a hangover, but he smiles and lightly swats her shoulder with several rolled up packets and she assumes he was catching up on grading papers. "Bonjour, Petite," he says with a sly grin. "Did you get to sleep last night?"
"Yes," she says, but she doesn't stop to discuss anymore. The busy hustle of the hallways keeps them both going in the directions they are headed.
Her morning classes are as they always are. She remains silent and sits in the back of the room, but away from the trouble kids. She listens during instruction and does the classwork that follows. When she completes that, she works on her after school assignments and finishes with time to spare. All three classes are interrupted multiple times by disruptive students and each room gets out of hand. She sees Logan five times and hears his voice booming in the hallways at least twice that amount. Names are called on the intercom for lunch detention in second period and a fight breaks out by the lockers just before the tardy bell. She hardly realizes any of this though. When the fourth bell rings, she follows the mass of bodies to the cafeteria without hearing what Toad says about running being prohibited.
By the time she gets through the lunch line with all of the required contents on her tray, someone has taken her usual table. When she gets closer, she realizes that it's Gambit.
"Nice day, Petite," he says with his usual smile, his expression and tone implying that there's something more than just a greeting being exchanged.
"What are you doing?" she asks, setting her food down on the table and sitting in the chair across from him.
"Figured you wouldn't sit with the grown folk like I offered, so I decided to sit here instead. Hope you don't mind." He unwraps a taco and takes a bite.
Laura takes in a deep breath. "I am a student, Gambit. You are not allowed to sit with students."
He frowns. "Why not?"
"It is the rules. You must sit with the other educators so that students can identify you incase of an emergency."
"Everyone knows who I am, Petite. 'Sides, you lookin' at a senior staff member. The rules obey me."
Laura frowns, but decides to let it go. She sees Rogue set her tray down and look over her shoulder, giving Gambit a long, hard stare before turning back around. Kitty leans in and the two converse quietly. After a moment, Rachel listens too. Laura looks at Gambit and then offers a tight-lipped smile. "In that case, you can stay."
Gambit smiles. "Didn' plan on leavin'."
Laura's in a particularly good mood by the time lunch is over and she decides to walk with Dust to her next class. They don't have it together, but it's down the same hallway. Laura has Philosophy and Dust has History. They make light conversation and exchange an uneasy good-bye when Logan's room comes up sooner than they both remember. Laura tries to keep walking, but Dust stops her.
"I noticed Professor Lebeau sitting with you today," she says. Her eyes gleam with curiosity.
Laura frowns and glances at the clock at the end of the hall. "Yes," she says. "He is my friend."
"I'm your friend too, Laura." She says it simply, like it's a fact she'll learn from Wolverine's History lesson. It doesn't sound hurt and it doesn't sound defensive. It's a statement. Flat and relevant.
Laura nods. "I know."
She stumbles across Gambit between both of her classes following lunch. She doesn't have sex-ed and it was a unanimous vote to keep her out of learning more about turning household products into weapons, but he manages to pop up wherever she is. The first time they cross paths, he claims to be using the printer.
"These kids seem to have a real knack for wastin' paper. I'm thinkin' I should let them make the copies one o' these days." He waves a stack of anatomy cut-outs to show for his hard work.
Laura frowns. "Gambit, this is not the hallway that your class is on."
"Yeah, but the thing is--" he hands her one of the papers and runs his finger along the black lines. "I like the ink in this copy machine better than the one on my end. See how clear that is?"
She observes the paper and then hands it back to him. "I do not see the difference."
He runs his hand back through his hair and shrugs. "Guessin' it's just me, then. You can keep that one, Petite. If you feel like skippin' out on Bobby last period, just tell him it's an unfinished assignment that you need my help on." He gives her shoulder a gentle squeeze as he walks by.
After Professors McCoy's class, she heads for Algebra. This is the second time that she sees him. This time though, he's simply waiting by the water fountain. He's leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest.
"Why are you here?" she asks, slowing down as she approaches.
He smiles. "Oh, I'm fine. How are you?" When she doesn't respond, he gestures to the paper sticking out of her Algebra book. "Jus' came by to see if you were gonna take me up on that offer. I see you still got your paper, all ready for excusin' yourself from Drake's lectures."
Laura frowns and looks at the copy. "I do not like marks on my record," she says quietly.
Gambit shrugs. "Good thing I know how to write excuses. Don' feel like you have to. I have this period off. If you really think you can put up with ol' Bobby for an hour and a half, then I can jus' go help Rogue down in the gym. Otherwise, I can walk you to his class and tell him about your assignment."
At the mention of Rogue, Laura considers his offer. She's already ahead in Bobby's class and he said that today would be another catch-up day for those who have fallen behind. She'll only end up getting even more ahead and she'll probably do nothing next week anyways. Not to mention, Gambit can write an excuse. She looks at him and holds out her paper. "Robert's class is at the end of the hallway," she says. "I will show you."
Gambit's classroom is a lot how Laura imagined it would be. The students' desks are in rows, but none of them are completely single-file. His anatomy posters and 3-D examples have nasty jokes written in marker, though it doesn't look as if he's tried to wash them off. His own desk is relatively organized, but it's cluttered with paper and the turn-in box has papers sitting on top of it because the inside is too full. He shuts the door behind them and tells her to sit wherever. When he starts erasing the board, she sits in a center desk on the front row.
"I just have a little bit o' house cleanin' to do before we get to the fun stuff," he says as he starts to copy something from a teacher's guide onto the board. "You don' have to sit in a desk if you don't want to. Make yourself at home."
"Okay," she says, but she stays in the seat.
After he writes the lesson objective and description, followed by due assignments and new homework, he attempts to draw out a diagram with labels. After a few times he swipes the eraser across everything and writes 'make-up day' in large letters. "They never listen anyways," he explains, although Laura said nothing. "Might as well give 'em a day to be allowed to do nothin'."
Laura frowns. "You are frustrated."
"Non, petite." He shakes his head, then sets the guide down on his desk. When he does, a couple of stapled packets fall to the floor. He smiles, but it's forced. "Maybe a little bit."
Laura walks over to where he is and stoops down to pick up the fallen essays. "Here," she says. "I will help you."
There are only three and they all fell down together, so it's a simple movement to scoop them up and stand up again. Unsure of where they were placed before, she holds them out with both hands towards him. Gambit sighs, then places them on the desk haphazardly. They are no longer in a stack. "Thanks," he mumbles. He stares down at the papers and looks lost in thought. After a few moments, Laura takes a step forward to look in the same direction. He smiles. "Sorry. I promise I didn' drag you outta Algebra to help me clean up after myself. I wanted to talk." He leans back against the desk and folds his arms over his chest. "How you likin' this school, Petite? Think you might stay?"
Laura frowns. "I do not know."
"Don't you? If it's Hellion, I'll get him in shape pretty quick. Just say the word." He doesn't smile or change his tone to make it friendly or joking. His eyebrows furrow slightly and his jaw sets.
"It is not... Hellion," she says. "It is no one. Nothing. I just... this is not home."
Gambit's quiet for a few moments. He reaches a hand out and pushes her hair back behind her ear. "Home is where you make it, Petite. You wanna get technical, no place is ever gonna feel like home. But you can't run from conflict. You run outta places to go. You gotta chase down those demons, Laura. And when dey all gone, then you have a home."
Laura puts her hand over his. Her fingers trace his knuckles absent-mindedly. "But they will always come back," she says. "The demons are never gone."
He smiles gently. "That's why you got friends, Petite. To help you. Everyone needs help sometimes, an' it's okay to ask for it."
"I do not need help."
Gambit cups her chin in his hand and tilts her face towards him. He's standing up now, no longer leaning against the desk, and he's looking at her with a sort of tenderness that makes her stomach churn. "I wouldn't mind keepin' you company until then."
She looks at him. It's the same as when she's in the cafeteria by herself, watching him from her trashcan table. Only instead of glaring at Rogue being looked at by him, she's watching him look at her the same way. His skin feels like fire on hers and the small space between them feels like a constant wave of heat sloshing back and forth. She's allowed herself these luxuries. Watching him. Listening to him. Saying hi and responding when she feels confident. And Laura's always been good at limiting herself. She's always been satisfied with an inch. But sometimes that small amount of leeway is tested. Sometimes she wants the mile. She's never been good with words. Or anything else. Not him, though. She watches Rogue almost as much as she watches him.
"Hey, Sugar." The door opens and orange light filters in through the room. It had previously been lit by the sun coming through the windows. Rogue smiles. "Hey there, Laura. I didn't know you had this period off."
Laura tries not to scowl as she steps away from Gambit, who looks equally surprised. "Chere-- I wasn't expectin' you. Anythin' wrong?"
She sighs. "These kids are drivin' me crazy. I was wonderin' if you could give me a hand. Logan's all tied up with another issue, so I can't really go to anyone else."
Gambit gives Laura an apologetic look. "You mind, Petite? Jus' for today. I'll walk you back to class."
He puts his hand on her back and guides her down the hall. A look is shared between him and Rogue as they pass and Laura finds herself glaring.
~~~
She lays in bed for what seems like hours before Jubilee and her baby are finally asleep. She's been faking her own slumber since after dinner in order to get out of her shift. It's midnight now and it's been forty-five minutes since either has stirred. Quietly, Laura gets out of bed. The kitchen is still being lit by a plug-in night light. She uses its soft glow to make it safely down the stairs. As she gets closer to the door she's aware of a shadow lingering by the counter, but she recognizes his scent and steps into the room.
"Hey, Petite. Is the baby hungry again?" Gambit's leaning against the counter. There's a beer in his hand, but it's unopened.
Laura stands across from him. "No. I cannot sleep."
He smiles. "Helps if you lay down."
His tone and his expression are light and teasing, but she knows it's just a ploy. "You are upset," she notes. "You are... angry. And sad."
He sighs, then rolls the glass bottle over in his hand and pretends to read the label. "I could be better," he says after a moment. "Me, or someone else, anyways."
Laura frowns. "You got into an argument with someone. With Rogue."
Tension builds quickly in the room and she thinks she's made him mad. He sets the beer down on the counter with unnecessary force and turns with his back towards her. He's looking out the window over the sink. Seconds pass and Laura cautiously walks over to him. She places a hand on his shoulder to let him know she's there. "I am sorry... for being nosy," she says. "I am sorry."
He sighs, then shakes his head. "Non, Petite. Don' be. You were just askin' a question. 'Sides, me and Rogue are always fightin' these days. We ain't even together and we got things to fight about. I'm not so sure about this whole friend thing anymore. You ever try doin' that with someone? You shouldn't. It ain't worth it. When you think you're done-- you probably done." Laura chews on her bottom lip thoughtfully. Gambit sighs, then turns back around. "This is old news though. An' you don' wanna hear it. I need ta be asking about you, though."
"What about me?"
"Why can't you sleep? Somethin’ botherin' you?"
She folds her arms across her chest and shrugs her shoulders. "I am just restless."
He's quiet for a few moments and stares thoughtfully at the ground. "Why don' we watch t.v. or somethin'? You up for dat, Petite?"
Laura nods. "Yes."
The air is cool and the couch seems to absorb every chilled gust of air that the a.c. gives off. Laura sits with her knees pulled up to her chest and Gambit sits beside her, leaned back against the cushions. He stops on a sports network. The highlights are a day old and they're results from teams neither care for, but it seems to be enough of a distraction. Halfway through the second commercial break Gambit looks at her. "You need a blanket? Logan keeps it too cold in this place at night. Feels like winter. Sit tight, Petite. I'll go get somethin'." He comes back minutes later with a large plush blanket. "Here ya go," he says and sits back down, draping it over both of them. "Nice an' warm."
She pulls it up to her shoulders, but says nothing. The program runs for another fifteen minutes before it starts to recap the same thing again. Gambit picks up the remote and scrolls through the channels. Laura clears her throat. "Gambit?"
"Laura?"
She rests her chin on her knees. "I do not know if I have friends here."
He stops on a music station and turns the volume down a few notches. "Sure you do, Petite. We're all your friends."
She frowns. "I mean... real friends. To talk to. Dust says she is my friend, but I do not think she is."
He sets the remote down on the coffee table and settles back into the couch. "Why not? I saw you talkin' with her the other day."
"She says that she is my friend, but... it is not the same. We are not like before."
Gambit gives her a sympathetic smile. "'Member what I told you when you said you had to let things go between you and Keller?"
Laura looks at him. "Yes."
"Same thing goes for any relationship, Petite. Not all of 'em survive. Sometimes it seems like none of 'em do an' you gotta start over fresh. We all been through a lot here. You included. But also Dust. Jus' give her some time."
Her frown deepens. "I wish things could stay the same. Logan said they would be. That I would have the same friends. That things would be the same. They are not. Everyone has changed. Everything. I do not like it. It feels... wrong."
His smile wavers slightly. He reaches out and tucks of strand of hair behind her ear. "Then find somethin' that feels right. A hobby. A class. A goal. Even try makin' some new friends. Sometimes you gotta go find what you lookin' for, Petite."
Her eyebrows knit together and she looks down at her lap. "I do not understand. I… I never understand."
She senses a brief moment of hesitance before Gambit moves closer and wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him "You don't have to understand everythin', Petite. You'd be surprised at how much people don' understand about life. Jus' focus on one thing at a time. What is it that you want right now?"
She clutches the blanket with tight fists. She can feel the pressure in the backs of her hands and takes in a deep breath. "I do not know how to say it."
He drops his arm and turns so he’s facing her, leaning down slightly so that they're almost eye level. Laura feels her breath catch in her throat. "Then don't. Jus' know you're not alone, Laura. I said I'd keep you company until you need somethin' more than jus' a distraction. I'm here for you, Petite. I'll be your friend. You be mine."
She feels her heart beat accelerate as she looks up at him. "You are my only friend," she says softly.
For the first time, he doesn't try to correct her or tell her that she's wrong. He doesn't try to justify the actions of everyone else in the X-Men or explain why they don't treat her like they used to. Like she wants them to. He looks at her with mixed emotions flickering in his eyes and nods his head, silently agreeing. Or maybe just understanding.
There's a stillness that settles over the room. It seems to speak to her. Entice her. Encourage her. Gambit watches her carefully. His eyes are glistening and flickering with the reflection of the t.v. glow and something else. He doesn't blink. He doesn't look away. She says it again, but in a whisper. "You are my only friend." She bites her lip and reaches up to touch the side of his face.
He doesn't lean in when she does and she can feel his gaze on her up until the point that their lips meet. She can feel the warmth of his breath against her face. For a brief moment, she can taste the stale nicotine and beer on his tongue.
“Laura…”
His hands grip either of her arms. His face his gentle as he pulls away, but his grasp is firm. He raises an eyebrow in question.
Laura stares and she suddenly feels like she’s moving in slow motion, or that she’s stuck entirely in this moment. Realization washes over her in a wave that feels like it’s crashing down. She imagines herself being pulled under it’s tow- gasping for air as the water begs for her to stay under.
She stands quickly. “I… I’m sorry.” She feels the words catching in her throat. Feels the heat rising to her cheeks. Her vision starts to blur and she stumbles over the blanket that’s fallen to the floor. “I am so sorry.”
Gambit stands to help, but she flinches away from his touch. “Petite,” he says, but nothing else comes out.
She tries not to look at him as she steps around him. She thinks about him smiling at her. ‘Nice day,’ and a devilish smile, like he was trying to say something else. But he wasn’t. He couldn’t. Because he looks at everyone that way. Everyone. Even Rogue. She turns into the kitchen, barely missing the corner of the countertop, and thinks about him showing up everywhere that she is. Him giving her a paper and telling her she could cut out of Bobby’s class to see him. Him inviting her to him. But not for this, she thinks. An attempt to blink away the tears causes her vision to blur even more. Not for this.
“Laura? Come back. We need to-“
She raises her hands to her ears as she turns for the stairs. To drown out his voice. To drown out the sound of her footsteps running away. The sound of him letting her. And this feeling is all to familiar. She recognizes every bit of it as she lowers one hand to grasp the banister. It’s too late though. On the top step, she loses her footing. Her knee scrapes the edge of the stair and draws a line of blood. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s enough to make the tears she was holding back spill over. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s enough to make her stay there for a moment, her face in her hands.
She doesn’t hear him anymore and she knows he’s left her alone. This happens often, and without effort. She sits by herself without asking. In the morning, she thinks, it will be this way too. Her face is wet as she pulls herself up, but she doesn’t bother to wipe it dry. In the morning, she thinks, things will be the exactly the same. She replays it in her head as she walks down the dark hallway, her fingers trailing over the wall. She’ll come down to the cafeteria just late enough to be able to blend in with the crowd. She’ll grab her tray and find the table by the trashcan. It will be empty. And she’ll sit. And she won’t eat. Dust will walk by and bid her a good morning. Pixie will invite her to a different table the for the next day. But Laura will decline. She knows this, and rehearses it as she opens the door to her shared room. Her bed is as she left it, as are Jubilee and Shogo. She will decline because her empty table is in plain view of the teachers table. Gambit will already be there, and he usually smiles. He smiles like he’s laughing at a private joke. He’ll smile and say, nice day. And she’ll watch him as he watches her until he turns back around.
She rehearses it again as she peels back the covers. Reminds herself that she'll still be the one sitting at the table watching him. She lays down, pulling the covers back up to her chin. Dust will pass her and say hello. She rolls over on her back, looking at the moonlit ceiling. The ceiling fan breaks the stillness of it. Pixie will offer her a spot before the bell rings. The tears have stopped now. She raises a hand and swipes it across both cheeks. And every time she sees Rogue, she'll feel those strange jolts of jealousy that she can't explain and can't seem to control. She’ll watch Gambit watch her. And now she wonders if Rogue will be watching too.