Work Text:
It took Husker approximately 4.5 seconds to conclude that waking up was the wrong choice. His mouth felt like it had recently gone through some sort of mummification ritual and the immediate feeling of rocking led him to believe he was either on a boat or still drunk.
He opened one eye and two blurry eyes stared back at him. He squinted, trying to assess who or what was currently in his personal space when he saw the eyes move and felt something small, wet and slightly scratchy on his check.
“Hey Fat Nuggets.” He said in a rasp.
Husker forced his head up and looked around. He was not on a boat. He was in Angel’s room, but the room could have very well gone through a hurricane at sea from the state of it. Clothes, costumes and accessories were everywhere. That wasn’t particularly unusual, but there were an assortment of other objects lying around that seemed to get stranger the longer he looked around. Several Tiki torches, half a mannequin, two snorkel masks, A pile of crushed coconuts, A fifteen gallon barrel, the remains of a roulette table that looked like it had been chopped in half by an ax. There was also an ax, and potentially hundreds of rubber ducks.
Angel was sprawled next to him, face down and snoring.
“What the fuck?” Husker slurred before flopping back down.
The last detail Husker registered before passing out again was the feeling of his foot brushing against something hard, smooth and slightly warm under the blanket near the foot of the bed.
***
“If you puke you’ll feel better.”
Husker wasn’t sure how much time had passed the next time he opened his eyes. A slightly rough around the edges but mostly intact Angel was now standing over him, offering a glass of what he hoped was water.
“Do not give me hangover advice.” Husker pushed himself up enough to accept the glass. He took an experimental sip, then downed the rest. “Thanks.” He said, once he’d placed the empty cup on the nightstand.
By way of response, Angel fell down on the bed with a dramatic ‘humf,’ draping himself perpendicular across Husker’s bottom half.
Husker noted that Angel was naked aside from his boots and he was naked aside from his bowtie. Classy.
“Christ, I haven’t been that drunk since grade school.” Angel said mostly into the blanket. “What the fuck happened last night?”
“Halloween. I think.” Husk said. Angel twisted around, slid himself underneath Husker's wing and curled up next to him. Despite feeling like complete garbage, Husker smiled at the feeling of Angel next to him. It felt sweet and comfortable. He shifted to put an arm around Angel.
Waking up in Angel’s bed wasn’t an everyday thing, but it happened frequently enough that it no longer came with any surprise. It didn’t come with much conversation about the greater implications of the increasingly frequent occurrence either, but Husker saw that as one of the perks. Why ruin a good thing with feelings?
“Why does your room look like a Hunter S. Thompson novel?” Husker asked.
“Its too fuckin’ early for a book club.” Angel muttered.
Husker sifted through his brain fog for the scattered memories of the night before. There’d been a party, that was for sure. Pentious and Niffty had spent the afternoon baking while Charlie and Vaggie decorated. He’d recruited Angel for some help with halloween themed drinks Charlie had insisted on and they had both been fairly tipsy by the time guests started showing up.
In retrospect that might have been their first mistake.
“What’s with the ducks?” Husker slurred. Angel responded with something incoherent and they both passed out before either could ask any more questions.
****
When Husker woke up again he’d officially slid from “still drunk” to “hungover” and every inch of his body confirmed that fact. He attempted to untangle himself from far more of Angel’s limbs than he wanted to deal with. Every time he managed to work himself free from a couple arms or a leg, Angel would shift and suddenly there was a whole new puzzle to deal with.
“Angel, move, I gotta pee.” He whispered finally when every angle of escape proved futile. Angel whined but didn’t wake or move. Husker cursed under his breath and continued working his way free. After what seemed like an eternity he managed to unhook himself enough to give Angel a gentle shove and roll out of the spider’s grip. He fell to the floor in an undignified heap. Still cursing, he pushed himself up and stumbled his way to the bathroom, praying the whole way the bathroom was functional and somewhat normal.
Upon quick inspection the toilet at least seemed functional, but he’d known going in that “somewhat normal” was probably too much to hope for. Much like the rest of the bedroom, the floor was covered in costumes and accessories, more ducks, and an assortment of lipsticks in various states of destruction. The bathtub had a few inches of murky water in it and there were several dozen more of the plastic ducks floating in it. The walls were covered in nonsensical writing, lude drawings and abandoned tic tac toe games. It was all written in what Husker assumed were the collection of lipsticks abandoned all over the floor.
All of this, Husker quickly concluded, was an after-peeing problem.
When he was finished, he stumbled over to the sink and squinted at the mirror. There were a series of numbers written across it, surrounded by dollar signs and hearts. At first he thought it was a phone number, but after counting he concluded there weren’t enough digits for that. There were six or possibly three numbers as they seemed to be in groups of two. A combination maybe?
When his eyes switched focus to his reflection behind the numbers his eyes widened. Deep red lipstick was smeared messily around his lips and his cheek sported several marks of being kissed with lips painted pink. There was also, unsurprisingly, the smeared remnants of at least one dick drawn on his face.
“What the fuck?” Husker grumbled to himself for at least the dozenth time. He stuck his head under the faucet. After scrubbing at his face for a full minute he kept it there for several more, enjoying the cold water on his fur and skin.
He drank while he was down there, lapping the water up with his tongue and trying not to think about how cat-like the instinct was. Or how satisfying.
Eventually he shut the water off and he dried his face, feeling slightly more like a person. Once out of the bathroom Husker found that in the few minutes he was gone, Angel had sprawled his wiry frame across the entire bed and kicked most of the covers onto the floor. Husk shook his head and began looking through carnage for his clothes. In a moment of foresight he remembered the ax he’d seen on the ground and hunted for it carefully in the dim red light that came in from the window. When found it, he picked it up and examined it. He looked between it and the destroyed roulette table, wondering what offense it would have committed to warrant such an execution. Husker didn’t doubt it had deserved it. He’d hated roulette even before he’d ended up with its likeness tattooed on his wings.
He set the ax against the wall by Angel’s makeup table and continued looking for his pants. It took several minutes to find them sticking out from the bottom of the coconut pile, and several more minutes to dig them out.
“What’d you find Nugs?”
Husker looked back to the bed from the successfully rescued pants he was working on removing stray coconut hairs from. Angel was at least half awake now, head propped lazily on a hand while he watched Fat Nuggets sniff at an oval shaped lump under the blanket at the foot of the bed.
“Probably my hat.” Husker said, looking over at Fat Nuggets before looking back at Angel. Angel’s eyes flicked from the pig to Husker. They wandered from his frame to the wrinkled pants in his hand. Angel smiled and Husker felt himself blush. He hated how easily Angel could make him blush only slightly less than he loved it.
Husker went to the foot of the bed and pushed Nuggets gently away so he could dig out the hat without crushing it further than it already probably was. He’d barely found the end of the blanket when he felt the bed shift slightly as Angel sat up.
“Leaving so soon?” Angel asked. The statement was meant to be playful, but Husker noted lurking disappointment. And much more overt invitation.
“I need a shower and your bathtub is full of ducks.” Husker said, gesturing towards the bathroom.
Angel raised an eyebrow. “Real ducks?”
“No…why would there be real ducks?”
“Why are there fake ducks?”
“Good point.” Husker gave a half smile and abandoned his pants and pursuit of the hat. He leaned across the bed and kissed Angel on the forehead. Angel giggled. “Was gonna let you sleep a bit more then come back and help ya clean up.” Husker said. Angel grabbed Husker by the bowtie and pulled him into a kiss. He felt Angel’s mouth twist into a wicked smile beneath his lips.
“Christ Angel, again?”
With a single quick and skilled motion Angel unhooked Husker’s Bowtie and let it fall onto the bed between them.
“This time I want you naked.”
Husker laughed and shoved Angel against the back bed frame, satisfied by the surprised gasp and then giggle it earned him. He kissed his way down Angel’s neck and just reached the collar bone when he felt Angel tense.
“The fuck is that?” Angel asked suddenly. Not a question Husker ever wanted to hear in this sort of situation, he pulled back and looked at Angel’s face. He saw that Angel wasn’t looking at him, but behind him, head turned slightly in confusion. Husker turned around and followed his gaze down towards the object the pig was back to sniffing at. By then the blanket had fallen completely off the bed and it now sat exposed a few inches from Angel’s foot.
It was definitely not Husker’s hat.
The object was about the size and shape of a rugby ball, flecks of pink and red sprinkled all around its white surface. Some of the marks were barely visible, small and light. The biggest were about the size and shape of a thumbprint. It sat on a base that was slightly wider than the top.
They stared at it dumbly. Fat Nuggets was getting bolder with his investigation of it, and Angel silently reached over and grabbed the pig, pulling him away.
Not sure what else to do, Husker threw a different blanket over top of it. They continued to sit there in silence, staring at the lump in the bed that refused to go away. Husker looked hesitantly over at Angel, unable to stop himself from looking him up and down for…he wasn’t entirely sure what. Clues?
“You didn’t…” Husker finally started at the same time Angel said;
“When did we steal an Egg?”
Husker immediately stopped his line of thought and let out an involuntary sigh of relief.
“Stole it…right…that's definitely what happened.”
Angel looked over at Husker with an eyebrow raised. “Where did you think it came from?” He asked. Husk gestured around nervously.
“I don’t know! Where did any of this stuff come from?”
“Oh my God did you think…” Angel flipped a finger back and forth between them. His face ran through a range of emotions, seemingly unsure if he should be offended, horrified, or entertained by the implication.
“What the fuck! No!” Husker said, a bit too quickly.
Angel finally decided on “entertained” and laughed, far too loud for Husker's hangover. Husker rubbed at his aching forehead and let out a low growl.
“Wait…you didn’t…right?” Angel suddenly stopped laughing and asked, his face back to serious and slightly horrified.
Husker looked up and blinked at him, his brain slow to process.
“Me? Of course not! That’s ridiculous!”
Angel put a hand on his hip and glared at Husker.
“But you thought I did? That’s less ridiculous?”
“Well…I mean…you are a spider...” Husker managed with a shrug.
“You’re half a bird!” Angel snapped.
“I am not! Ow!” Huskers feathers ruffled as Angel reached over his shoulder and flicked his wing.
“Wings! Feathers! Bird!”
“Fuck you!”
“Not if it means you’re gonna lay another egg!”
“I didn’t lay that egg!”
“Well I didn’t either!”
“Great!” Husker climbed out of bed and started pacing around the room. As he paced, he tried to will the fog out of his brain to find the missing details of the night before. While he did, Angel leaned over and pulled the blanket back off the Egg. It was definitely still there. He went up on his knees and inspected it, eventually putting a hand gently on its side.
“It’s probably just a dumb decoration or prop or gimmick right?” Husker finally concluded aloud. “Like the rest of this junk. Most of this stuff looks like cheap old casino trash. I used to have a roulette table in my place just like this one.” Husker kicked at the broken Roulette table for emphasis. When he did, a marble rolled out from somewhere within it and drifted towards the closet. Angel’s attention was still fixed on the egg. “Probably got like, drugs or money or candy or some shit in it.”
“No, this is definitely real.” Angel said after a beat. He looked up at Husker with far too much confidence in his statement. Husker raised an eyebrow.
“Come here.” Angel gestured towards Husker with a hand that wasn’t resting on the egg and Husker walked back over to the bed. Angel grabbed Husk’s right hand by the wrist. Husker wrinkled his nose in unenthusiastic protest, but didn’t fight when his hand was guided by Angel’s onto the side of the egg.
It was warm and smooth, warmer than he expected, even after spending the night tucked under the blanket. He was about to tell Angel there were lots of reasons it could be warm, when he noticed something that made his eyes narrow in concentration.
A rhythmic pulse coming from inside it. It was faint but steady and each beat made the warmth that radiated from it spread through Husker's body. He scowled against the feeling, seeing Angel’s eyes on him.
Suddenly, he felt something else that made him jerk his hand away so fast the egg shook and almost tipped over. Angel steadied it while Husker went back to pacing.
“You’re fuckin with me!” Husker accused, half panicked. The feeling of something kicking against his palm still echoed into his hand and up his arm. He glared at Angel. “This is one of your pranks!”
“I would never!” Angel straightened indignantly, still holding the egg. Husker stopped pacing.
“Yes you would!” Husker gestured around the room. “This has you written all over it!”
“Okay you’re right, I absolutely would! But I didn’t! I swear! And if I did, I don’t remember!”
Husker squinted at Angel, looking for any sign that he was lying. Angel was good at bull shit, but Husker was better at reading him. The lack of tells he found was concerning.
“You seriously don’t remember anything from last night?” Husker returned to pacing. Angel shook his head. He ran fingers through his chaotic hair as he looked around the room critically.
“I remember…You made shots. A lot of them. We danced. Bunch of Charlie’s friends from the lower rings showed up. Charlie wanted to do bobbing for apples or pin the tail on some shit so we snuck up here. Fucked around then…”
Angel snapped his finger at sudden memory. “Someone called me! Shit…Where’s my phone?”
Angel scooted back from the bed and flipped himself around to look at the empty night stand. Frowning, he stood up and started looking around the room.“Shit. Babe, can you call my phone? I probably took pictures right?”
Husk grabbed his pants off the floor for the second time that morning and started rummaging around in the pocket. He barely had the plastic lump out when something on the bed caught his eye and made him gasp.
The egg began to twitch. Husker was prepared to explain that away by Angel standing up and shifting the mattress, but then it launched half a foot into the air. Angel saw it too and scrambled back across the bed. It came back down sideways and started to roll toward the edge. Angel attempted to grab it, but everytime it touched his hand it would jerk away and change direction.
On Angel’s final attempt to grab it, it jumped again, launching itself towards the floor. Angel screamed as he grabbed at nothing.
Husker dove and slid across the floor on his knees, managing to get under it just in time for it to fall gently in his open hands. He brought it back to his chest in a fluid motion and held it there. It twitched a few more times before growing still.
Husker held his breath until he could feel the pulse against his fur, strong and steady. Once he was sure he had a good enough grip on it, he exhaled. Aside from the pulse it remained still against his chest, comfortable warmth radiated from it. Husker tried to ignore the uninvited feelings that came with it.
Angel and Husk exchanged relieved looks. The side of Angel’s mouth curled into a smile.
“Nice catch daddy.” He said with a wink.
“I fucking hate you.” Husker breathed. Angel smirked and brought his legs around so he was sitting on the bed just above Husker and the egg he was cradling.
“You think it’s gonna hatch soon?” Angel asked, examining it without touching. Husker turning it gently. Neither saw any cracks and whatever had set it off before seemed to have resolved itself for the moment.
“I don’t know shit about Eggs.” Husker finally admitted with a shrug.
“Me either. Maybe we should ask Pentious? He was there last night right?” Angel spotted Husker’s phone on the floor next to his again abandoned pants and grabbed it. He started scrolling through Huskers contacts. There weren’t that many in there, and he frowned at not immediately seeing his name at the top.
“How am I not in your…oh…” He looked up and glared at Husker. “Power Bottom? Really?”
Husker chuckled. For the first few months they were in the hotel together Angel’s nightly routine had included writing his number on a napkin and sliding it across the bar to Husker. Husker’s nightly routine had included increasingly elaborate shows of throwing the napkin away.
He’d never admit it to Angel, but by the time he finally put it in his phone he already had it memorized.
“I should probably change that.”
Angel rolled his eyes and called his phone. The scowl continued as it eventually went to voicemail without either of them hearing it. He tried again, getting up and wandering around the room in search of the ring before heading into the bathroom.
“What the fuck! What happened here? God damn it, my lipstick! Why is this duck wearing my favorite bra!” Husker stood up carefully and set the Egg gently on the bed. While Angel continued to rant about discontinued colors and irreplaceable fashion promos from the bathroom, he collected all the blankets and pillows from the bed and floor and built a circular barricade around the egg.
Once he was confident it wasn’t going to roll anywhere, Husker picked up his pants and attempted again to put them on again. Third time the charm apparently, they were successfully in place by the time Angel came out of the bathroom.
“Phone’s not in there. What’s with the combo on the mirror? Awwwww Husk, that’s adorable!” Angel put his hands up to his mouth to contain a giggle when he spotted the blanket nest the egg was sitting in. Husker rolled his eyes.
“Shut up and put some clothes on.”
“You’re such a good dad!”
Husker found a pink sweatshirt on the floor and threw it at Angel with more force than was strictly necessary. It made a satisfying thud on impact with his face.
“Can you grab me a skirt or a pair of pants or something out of the closet?” Angel asked through the fabric of the shirt as he struggled to find all the arm holes. Husker nodded without further comment and waded through the debris until he made it over towards the closet.
As soon as he opened the door, he was met with a surprised Hiss. Husker yelped and jumped back. His right foot landed on the marble that had just rolled out of the roulette table, which made him cry out both from the pain that shot up his leg and from the sensation of falling backwards. It was joined by a scream from Angel, and then another even higher pitched scream from somewhere in the depth of the closet. Half a beat later Angel had jumped across the room and had two guns trained on the screaming figure in the closet.
“I surrender!” Sir Pentious yelped, putting his hands in the air. His bottom half was coiled on the floor, tangled in a variety of undergarments. His torso was erect and his eyes were wide and panicked.
“Pen! Ya ‘bout gave me a heart attack! What are you doing in my closet?” Angel yelled, putting the guns away.
“I was…um…” Pen looked around nervously.
“What the fuck Is that my collar!” Pentious’ hands groped at his neck, feeling the soft leather and metal spikes of the choker around his neck.
“You said we could play with your toys while you were gone.” Another voice, the higher pitched scream they had forgotten about, spoke from somewhere deeper in the closet. Pentious shifted his tail and Niffty wiggled out from somewhere between a pile of clothes and Pentious. She was wearing Pentious’s black and yellow striped jacket, so long on her it looked more like an oversized bathrobe. Angel looked between the two of them for several silent beats before he burst out laughing.
“Alright, get it girl!” Angel wheezed.
“I’m gonna fucking kill him!” Husker launched himself forward in a pounce that Angel barely managed to intercept. Pentious screamed and retreated back into the closet, trying to hide behind a large box labeled “here for a good time” in black sharpie.
“God damn it Husk, chill!” Angel yelled, fighting to hold Husker back as he fought to get at the terrified snake. Niffty hopped out between Pentious and Husker. She giggled and gave him a boop on the nose.
“It’s okay, Husker, you’re still my favorite bad boy.” Niffty smiled with sharp teeth. Husker let out a low growl but stopped fighting against Angel. Logicly he knew Niffty was an adult, but that only did so much against the desire to rip Pentious’ in half and make him into a pair of shoes. They’d known each other a long time and she was as close to a sister as he’d ever had.
“Details later.” Angel whispered to Niffty, who nodded and the two fist bumped. “Wait, while we were gone? Where did we go?” Angel asked Niffty.
“With the Imp.” Pentious answered. He stuck his head cautiously out of the closet. His eyes shifted over towards the improvised nest on the bed and then widened. “Is that an egg?” He asked, eyes widening with sudden interest. He pulled himself to his full height and peered over at it.
Niffty looked between Angel and Husker, her hands flying over her mouth excitedly.
“Am I gonna be an auntie!” She asked, bouncing.
“No!” Angel and Husker both answered in unison. Niffty pouted and disappeared back into the closet.
“Is it one of yours?” Angel pointed accusingly at Pentious.
“No!” He said, His hair shooting up defensively. He stretched his neck up farther and squinted at it. “I don’t think so anyway.” He slithered cautiously past Husker and over to the makeshift nest. He weaving around to get a view of it from several angles while Husker continued to shoot eye daggers at him.
“No, certainly not.” He concluded finally. “It’s too small, the shape is all wrong. It actually looks a bit more like a…hum…” He put a gentle hand on it, running his fingers around it while he leaned in closer. He began muttering to himself as he did. “No, maybe not. Interesting. Not what I expected” He looked up and let his eyes drift back and forth between Husker and Angel, and then back to the egg. “Interesting.” He repeated, continuing to look between the three of them.
Niffty suddenly burst out of closet, back in her regular clothes and carrying Pentious’ Shirt over her shoulder. She jumped up on the bed and joined the snake in his examination. He took the shirt from her without looking up.
“It’s pink and red.” She looked over at Husker and Angel with a wide smile. “Just like...”
“Don’t say it.” Husk snapped tiredly.
“Astute observation, my dear Niffty.” Pentious said, giving her a pat on the head. Husker growled under his breath and Pentious quickly pulled his hand away. “But um, anyway, that's not the only observation that can be made about this egg.” He looked cautiously up at Angel and Husker. “Could be a coincidence of course.”
“What? Give it to us straight doc.” Angel said. He crossed his arms and smirked. Husker rolled his eyes.
‘Well, when I first saw it, I thought it looked much more like an egg sac.” Both Husker and Angel’s eyes widened and he was no longer smirking.
“Egg sac? Ya mean the thing a spider pops out with like, 200 babies in it?” Husker asked slowly.
“Sometimes thousands depending on the species.” Pentious said with an enthusiastic nod.
“I’ve got to start knitting! gonna need a lot of socks!” Niffty said.
Angel shook his head. “No! No. Absolutely not! I got about a hundred cousins down here and I ain’t heard of none of them poppin’ out any egg sacs! Plus I think I’d remember…”
“Oh it’s not an egg sac.” Pen said, pulling himself out of his need to educate them about spider facts. Niffty was the only one who looked disappointed. “Sorry, that was just my first thought. But see, the feel of it” He rubbed his hand along the top of the egg for emphasis. “This is definitely a calcium carbonite shell consistent with an Avifauna Ovium.”
“The fuck does that mean?” Husker asked.
“It appears to be a Bird egg.” Pentious said.
“Ha! Told you I didn’t lay it!” Angel said, giving Husker a playful shove.
“Angel, put some pants on.” Husker muttered, rubbing at his temples. Angel looked down and realized he was still naked from the waist down. He put a hand on his hip.
“Hey I usually charge by the minute for this.”
“Pants! Now.” Husker pointed to the closet. Angel blew him a kiss before disappearing into the closet.
“The phenotype displayed is quite fascinating.” Pentious continued, mostly to himself. “It does seem to be displaying codominant traits consistent with both arachnid and aves. Not to mention the coloration is…”
“Wait, what Imp?” Husker asked, his brain sliding back towards the hanging statement from earlier.
“Angel’s friend.” Niffty said, “Billy or Buzz or…”
“Blitz?” Angel came out of the closet wearing a pair of black shorts.
“Yeah!” Niffty nodded enthusiastically. “He was really messy!”
“Oh shit I remember now! Blitz’s sugar daddy broke up with him and he was being a whiny little bitch about it. Told him we were having a party so he should come by.” Angel said.
“Yes, he brought a bottle of something that smelled very…flammable.” Pentious confirmed, turning reluctantly away from the egg.
“Right! That fucking Imp hootch his friend Millie makes! That explains why we don’t remember anything.” Angel asked.
“Basement!” Husker said suddenly, looking around in time with the trickle of memory. “That's where all this stuff came from!”
Niffty nodded. “Yeah! You said if I gave you the lock code to the storage room door you’d let us use your closet.”
“Fuck!” Angel said, running towards the bathroom. He looked at the series of numbers written on the mirror. He mouthed them a few times, committing them to memory, before he ran out again. “I remember now! Come on!” He grabbed Husker by the hand and pulled him towards the door. “Watch the kid for us would ya!” Angel called back to Niffty and Pentious. Niffty barely managed a thumbs up before Angel ripped open the door and ran into the hallway, dragging Husker behind him.
***
Husker stood behind Angel as he punched the series of numbers into the key panel next to the door. The trip down to the basement ignited some patchy shadows of memories. Angel’s friend Blitz showing up, whining about some rich fucker and a party full of his ex’s. Husker clocked him immediately as there for an Angel Dust sympathy bang, so he’d retreated to his usual party move; drinking alone in the corner. After half a bottle of whisky he’d almost convinced himself he was not brooding, feeling sorry for himself, or thinking about Angel.
“Come on grumpy cat, we’re going on an adventure!” Husker remembered looking up from his absolutely not self loathing to see Angel draped over the table in front of him. Blitz was standing behind him, looking at least four sheets to the wind.
“I thought you were…” Angel cut off his slurred words with a kiss. Husker scrunched his nose and tried not to blush.
“Angel wont fuck me, so we’re gonna go steal shit. Wanna come?” The Imp said. Husker looked between the Imp and the spider and put the bottle down on the table.
“Fuck it.”
The light on the side of the panel went from red to green, pulling Husker back to the present. Angel kicked the door in dramatically while Husk dialed Angel’s number with one hand and gripped the Ax handle with the other.
“I fucking hate this song.” Husker grumbled as the ringtone started playing from somewhere in the dark.
“One day you’ll have to explain to me your beef with the Andrew Sisters.” Angel said, stepping into the room. He groped around for a switch on the side of the wall and eventually found one. Light flooded the room, revealing what appeared to be a larger and more chaotic version of what they had woken up to. The massive room was filled with every flavor of junk you could imagine. There was broken furniture and electronics, cans of paint and tools, dusty slot machines and bar stools, a pile of creepy dolls and toys that reached to the ceiling, and probably thousands of rubber ducks. Husker got vague flashbacks of filling several bed sheets with them and dragging them up the hotel stairs without a single idea why.
On the floor in one of the rare empty spaces, something underneath a dirty sheet let out a noise between a hiss and a groan. The Andrew sisters version of “Best me Daddy, Eight to the Bar” was also coming from under the sheet. Angel walked up to it and pulled the sheet off while Husker stood with the ax at the ready. Both their gazes fell on the semi conscience imp on the floor. Angel rolled his eyes.
“What the Fuck Blitz?” Angel said. He scooped his phone up from the ground next to him. Husker spotted his hat, half crushed next to an empty bottle with four X’s and a poorly drawn skull on it. Husk still didn’t remember much by way of details, but the sight of the bottle almost caused him to lose the regretful contents of his stomach.
The Imp in question pushed himself up to a wobbling sitting position.
“What the fuck me? What the fuck you? You assholes left me down here so you could go bang!” He slurred, clearly not as moved on to hung over as the two sinners were.
“Why’s there a fucking egg in my room?” Angel asked.
“I don’t know, did your bird boyfriend lay it?” Blitz slurred,with a dismissive wave towards Husk. He fell back down and tried to pull the sheet back over him.
“God damn it I’m not a fucking bird!” Husker yelled and started towards the Imp. Angel put a hand up to stop him. “Blitz you said you…Wait.“ Angel turned back to Husker and cocked his head to the side. “boyfriend?”
“I didn’t say it.” Husker grumbled, not meeting Angel’s eyes.
“You didn’t deny it!”
“Should I have?”
Angel opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. Angel opened and closed his mouth three more times, at some point emphasizing whatever unarticulated thoughts he was having by pinching the fingers of both his left hands together into a trademark ‘what the fuck?’ gesture.
Husker kept his poker face firmly in place, allowing himself a slight smirk while he watched Angel’s hands move. Internally though, he was screaming. Should he have denied it? He didn’t want to. Did Angel want him to?
Fortunately for both of them, Angel’s phone rang again, putting a pause on their mutual spiral.
“It’s Charlie!” Angel said, fumbling to unlock the phone.
“You think she knows?” Husker asked. Angel shrugged and Husker caught sight of Blitz moving under the blanket. Scowling, Husker walked over and pulled the blanket off to show what looked like the imp going to first base with a large gem on his wrist. It started to spark.
“Absolutely not.” Husker said, grabbing Blitz by the back of his shirt and pulling him up while the Imp flailed and cursed.
“Hey Charlie! Great party last night!” Angel said into the phone casually.
“Cut the crap Angel Dust. Where the fuck is it?” Angel and Husk both winced at the sound of Vaggie’s voice coming through the phone.
“Oh, it’s you.” Angel said flatly “What are you talking about Vags?”
“Don’t admit to nothin’!” Blitz yelled, fighting against Huskers grip.
“The Goetia Egg! The one Charlie…”
Angel disconnected the call.
“Why the fuck did you hang up!” Husker yelled.
“I don’t know! I panicked.”
“Ohhhhhhh. That Egg.” Blitz said. Husker dropped him and he hit the ground with a thud. Angel’s phone started ringing again. Angel stared dumbly at it until Husker took the phone from him and answered it.
“It’s in Angel’s room.” Husker said into the phone without prompt or ceremony.
“Narc.” Blitz and Angel said together. Husker rolled his eyes.
“Oh my God! Husker, thank you so, so much!” It was Charlie this time, sounding slightly more frazzled than usual. “Vassago asked me if I could watch it for a white and when he came to pick it up he grabbed the wrong bag and it was behind the bar but then it wasn’t but he’s on his way to get it but we couldn’t find it…”
“The Egg’s fine.” Husker said calmly. “We’ll bring it down to the lobby.” He disconnected the call while they could still hear Charlie’s manic 'thank yous' from across the line. He and Angel stared down at Blitz. He stood and dusted himself off.
“What? I found it! Thought it kind of looked like you two and I wanted to show you but you were both passed the fuck out like losers so I tucked it into bed with you and went looking for more horses. Check this shit out!” Blitz reached into his pocket and pulled out a white plastic pony with purple hair and three blue diamonds on its side.
“That’s a unicorn, jackass.” Husker said.
“Whatever haters.” Before they could stop him the Imp licked the gem on his wrist and the force of a portal opening sent Husker and Angel staggering back. “Later Bitches. Call me if you need someone murdered!” And with a final middle finger, he was gone and Husker and Angel were alone in the basement.
****
When the hotel doorbell rang Husker was halfway down the stairs with the egg secured against his chest in the carrier Niffty made for it out of blankets. She trotted down the steps in front of them while Angel walked next to Husker and Pentious trailed a safe distance behind.
“Okay, that's fucking adorable.” Vaggie said with a half smile as she watched them come down the stairs. Husker scowled.
“I knew they’d be good dads! That’s why I brought it to them! I found it cleaning!” Niffty said. Husker and Angel exchanged very brief glances and held their breath at the improvised story. They’d quickly agreed that considering the Imp’s current standing with the Goetia, he was better off as far from the story as possible. Vaggie shrugged, not seeming to question or particularly care why they had it.
“Whatever.” she said and gestured for them to follow her to the door.
By the time they arrived Charlie was standing across the threshold from a red and white Goetia wearing comically large sunglasses.
“Uncle Vassago!” Charlie said with nervous cheerfulness. The birdlike demon glanced around skeptically at the odd assortment of sinners before offering a bow to Charlie.
“Good Morning Princess. So sorry about the confusion. Hope the little thing wasn’t too much trouble.” His eyes flicked over to Husker, who felt suddenly very small and silly under the gaze of the towering demon.
“No, no trouble at all!” Charlie said. Husker continued to stand awkwardly with the egg until Vaggie gave him a nudge with her shoulder.
“Oh, right.” He said, blushing. He stepped up and handed the egg over to Vassago, who immediately passed it back to the Imp butler standing behind him. They both gave a nod if thanks.
“If, ug, ya ever need a babysitter again…” Angel blurted out as the two turned to leave. The demon looked Angel up and down with a raised eyebrow. “You know, once it hatches.” Angel added. Barely noticing he’d done it, Husker reached behind him and squeezed one of Angel’s hands.
“I will keep that in mind.” The Goetia said after a beat.
Charlie shut the door with a final wave and then collapsed onto the ground.
“Oh my God I can’t believe I almost lost a whole noble!” Charlie cried while Vaggie tried to comfort her.
“I’m going back to bed.” Husker said, turning and walking back towards the stairs. If anyone said anything to him or tried to stop him he didn’t notice.
He heard what he hoped was Angel behind him, but neither spoke until they reached Husker’s bedroom door.
“Hey. You okay?” Angel asked just before Husker pushed the door open. Husker turned around and forced a laugh.
“Yeah, of course. Just, you know, relieved.” Angel laughed as well. It didn’t sound any more genuine than Huskers.
“I know right? Can you imagine if it had really been ours?”
“Yeah. What an absolute disaster that would be.” Husker made the mistake of meeting Angel’s gaze. Angel’s face relaxed into a much more genuine smile.
“Might not have been so bad.” He said. They let the statement hang for a long moment before Angel shot him a finger gun and a wink. “Anyway, I’m gonna go catch a few more winks before I bribe Niffty to clean up the room. I’ll see ya around Kitty Cat.”
Husker watched him make it half way down the hall before he called after him.
“Hey Angel?”
Angel turned around. Husker rapped his claws against the door frame a few times before he spoke again.
“Would you wanna go out sometime? Get dinner or a movie or somethin’? Get out of this shithole for a bit?”
Angel smiled.
“Yeah Husker, I’d like that.”