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Eddie knew even when Tommy was still in the picture that whatever was happening between him and Buck was big. That it needed time; that it could be overwhelming if they didn’t take it bit by bit; build it brick by brick.
He wasn’t sure when the inevitability of them became something he knew so deep in his bones. But it had kept his head above water through a lot of the shit that had happened in the previous few months: Chris leaving, Gerrard taking over the 118 like a mad dictator, a fucking beenado, Athena almost falling from the sky. The certainty that they were building something more gave him what he needed to get through it all intact.
Excruciatingly slowly, with hope and excitement, Eddie tracked the construction of their something new.
__________
He tracked it when Buck turned up on his doorstep after another disappointing date with his boyfriend. He’d walked in, grabbed a beer out of the fridge, and joined Eddie on the couch.
“Am I childish?” he asked, a nonchalant look on his face belied by fingers fidgeting with the label on the bottle.
Eddie was tempted to make a joke about how Buck's best friend was 14 years old, but something told him that wasn't what he needed to hear.
“No, Buck. You are not childish at all.”
“Tommy implied I'm childish. He thinks that wanting to do fun things is lame. I suggested laser tag for tonight and he looked at me like I was ridiculous.”
Eddie wanted to drive to Tommy's house and punch him in his pompous face.
“You're enthusiastic, Buck. You like to try things, to learn things, to have fun. That's not childish, that's just… a good way to be.”
Buck was still looking down at the bottle in his hands.
“You don't think it's weird that I like hanging out with Chris?”
Eddie could hear the insecurity in Buck's voice as clear as day. It itched under his skin.
“Are you kidding? Buck, look at me.”
He didn't.
“LOOK at me. I mean it.”
Buck looked up, an eyebrow raised.
“You hanging out with Chris is one of the best things that's ever happened to me, and to him. He loves you so much. I feel like I'm not doing it all alone. When he comes back, I hope it continues. Who gives a fuck what Tommy thinks?”
Perhaps he'd come on too strong. Presumably Tommy's boyfriend gave a fuck what Tommy thinks. But Buck leaned towards him and cracked a smile.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “You are… I wish…”
He trailed off. Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie caught a flicker of movement—Buck's fingers twitching as if they wanted to reach out.
Eddie took note of another brick being mortared in place (and inked Tommy's name even darker on his shitlist).
__________
Eddie tracked it when he got caught in a small landslide during a very rainy rescue in the hills. He was standing near the edge of a steep slope and suddenly found himself at the bottom, perfectly fine but a little shell shocked.
From above, a strangled yell rang out.
“EDDIE! EDDIE! WHERE ARE YOU?”
Buck sounded frantic. It took Eddie a few seconds to get his breath back, and he regretted the delay. His partner would be losing his mind.
Eddie knew because he would be too, if the roles were reversed.
“I'M OKAY… I’M DOWN HERE!”
Within two minutes, he heard a scrambling noise that heralded the arrival of Buck, wild-eyed with worry.
“Are you hurt?” he barked, getting his hands on Eddie as soon as he possibly could.
“I'm fine, Buck, I promise,” Eddie said, and submitted to a full body pat down as Buck assured himself that he wasn't injured.
When he was satisfied, he fixed Eddie with an unimpressed look.
“Nice disappearing act. Never do that again, please.”
Eddie sighed. “I didn't do it on purpose. I don't wake up in the morning wondering how I can piss you off today.”
“Could have fooled me,” Buck grumbled.
He was trembling, Eddie noticed. Actually trembling, and trying very hard to hide it.
“I'm sorry.”
Buck sat down on a log.
“I’m not mad, Eds. I just get scared, you know?”
“You run into burning buildings, Buck.”
“I get scared when it's you.”
Eddie pulled Buck into his arms, and felt another brick being placed.
__________
Eddie tracked it (smugly) when Buck dropped Tommy and came running whenever he called. Repeatedly.
He’d called Buck when he got stranded with a flat tyre, and Buck showed up in his date clothes.
“Where were you?” Eddie asked after Buck had brought him the spare from his garage and they’d changed it together. “On a date? Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. You should have told me.”
The look Buck gave him was flat and unreadable.
“Eddie. You know I’ll come and help you if you ask. Whenever, wherever.”
“But it wasn’t an emergency. I didn’t know you were busy!”
“Didn’t you?” Buck raised an eyebrow.
And sure, maybe Eddie had caught wind of his plans. But from Hen, not Buck himself. He maintained plausible deniability.
“I appreciate it, anyway,” he said rather than answering the question—and leaned into Buck, nudging his shoulder and maintaining the contact longer than strictly necessary. Buck's answering smile was brighter than the sun.
After that, Eddie might have pushed the boundaries a bit. Or tried to, anyway. The boundaries didn’t seem to exist. He asked Buck to drive him to therapy after a shift when he knew that he had planned to get lunch with Tommy, and Buck did it. He text him when he knew they were out on dates, and Buck replied within seconds every time. He suffered a concussion while covering someone on B shift and Buck arrived breathless in the hospital five minutes after he did, having taken an Uber from Tommy’s where he was staying the night. That last one was unintentional, but still added to Eddie’s petty little collection of victories.
One night, they were out at a bar with the team and their partners. Buck sat between Eddie and Tommy, head bent towards the former for the majority of the time as they laughed about shared rescues and discussed the imminent return of Chris. Eddie could see Tommy beginning to seethe. He couldn’t blame him, really. He also did not care.
“Buck, are you gonna tear yourself away from your partner and come dance with me and Karen?” Hen asked. She looked at Eddie, and he could have sworn she winked.
“I’m certainly not stopping him,” Tommy huffed.
“I wasn’t talking to you, bud,” Hen replied. “Buck, leave Eddie to drink in peace and come with us.”
Like a possum in the headlights, Buck whipped his head between the two men on either side of him. Eddie smirked and slid out of the booth to clear the way, giving Buck’s bicep a squeeze as he sidled past. Hen and Karen dragged Buck off to cut some very awkward shapes on the dance floor, and Eddie proceeded to down quite a few beers in quick succession.
By the time Buck returned to their booth, Tommy was engaged in conversation with Bobby and Eddie was very drunk.
“How was it?” He slurred, leaning on Buck as soon as he sat back down.
Buck looked at him sharply. “Are you drunk?”
“He is,” Tommy cut in. “Very much so. Maybe you need to go home now, Eddie.”
“Prob’ly a good idea.” Eddie was quick to agree. Even in his inebriated state, he was fully aware of how this would play out.
“Good man. Babe, why don’t you order Eddie an Uber?”
Buck’s mouth twitched downward, and he rubbed a hand over his eyes before speaking.
“I’m not gonna pack him into an Uber and send him home alone like this.” He stood. “C’mon, Eds, let’s go. I’m good to drive. Tommy, are you okay to get home when you want to leave?”
“I thought we were gonna go back to your loft together?” Tommy sounded more sad than angry, and at this point Eddie felt bad for him. Not bad enough.
Hen and Bobby struck up a very loud conversation, looking determinedly at each other and nowhere else.
“I’m sorry,” said Buck, and he really did sound sorry. “I have to make sure he's okay.”
“Evan, ‘have to’ is not the term you’re looking for. Go ahead, though.”
Tommy left abruptly. Buck watched him go, clearly upset but making no move to follow. He turned to Eddie with his shoulders slumped.
“Let’s get you home.”
“Buck, you should… You don’t need to…” He couldn’t get the right words out.
“You know I do, though, Eds. You know that, right?”
Buck's eyes were pleading with him. Seeking reassurance. He knew. And hated himself a little bit for how it made his heart leap. Buck put an arm around his waist and helped him out to the car. Eddie slept in his bed alone; he was drunk. Buck took the couch; he was still in a relationship. Neither of them mentioned it over breakfast in the morning.
More bricks were quietly added.
__________
Eddie tracked it when Buck and Tommy were finally done. His partner arrived for a shift unusually subdued, and the whole team clocked it immediately.
“What's wrong with you, brother?” asked Chimney.
“Tommy and I broke up.”
He was engulfed by hugs and half-hearted condolences from Hen and Chim.
“Guys… he's no longer my boyfriend, you don't have to pretend you like him.”
Hen looked slightly guilty.
“Well, you got there in the end, Buck. I'm still sorry that you're sad.”
Eddie hadn't said anything. Buck looked at him. He waited until the others had moved away.
“He never deserved you,” he said quietly, and unshed tears gleamed in Buck’s eyes.
Another brick in the wall.
__________
Eddie tracked it when Chris had come home and things between them were still a little awkward.
Buck would come over most nights when they weren't on shift, and if Eddie didn't know better he'd think it was an attempt to act as a buffer. Because Buck would have done that, if he asked. But he hadn't asked; his friend had just missed Chris and wanted to spend time with him.
From his bedroom, Eddie heard the front door open and Buck make his way to the living room, where Chris was sprawled on the floor doing his homework on the coffee table.
“Hey man, how’s it going?” Buck asked. Mindful of his teenagehood, he was careful not to treat Chris like a child.
“Boring. Geography homework. How was work?”
“Fine. Hasn’t your Dad given you the rescue rundown already?”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t add the interesting details like you do.”
“Right. Did he mention the illegal taxidermy collection?”
“What? No!” Chris shouted, intrigued.
“Yeah, you would have liked that. There was a house on fire and the guy kept yelling at me that I had to get his animals out. He was freaking out about it. I found them in a spare bedroom. All dead and stuffed. Really badly. These things were creepy. And heaps of them were like rare, endangered animals from other countries.”
“How did he smuggle them in?”
Eddie made his way down the hallway and joined them on the couch.
“I have no idea, dude. Like, there were so many of them. Most wouldn’t have fit in a suitcase. It was crazy.”
Buck began listing all the creatures he’d recognized. Chris was enthralled. Eddie felt lighter than air.
Later, when it was just the two of them, he nudged Buck with his shoulder as they sat side-by-side in front of a cooking show.
“Thank you for keeping him connected at home. It's still hard for him to talk to me.”
Buck looked at his hands for a long moment, fingers fiddling.
“I'm not… Eds, I'm not doing it on purpose. I want to talk to Chris about school, and weird stuff that happened at work, and which of his friends are playing which sports, and all of that. It's not.. you don't have to thank me. I'm not doing you a favour.”
“Well, I'm grateful for it anyway.”
“You guys make me feel like I'm part of a family. I appreciate that.”
Eddie wanted to cry. He put down his bottle and moved to sit on the coffee table, facing Buck. He couldn’t help but put a hand on his knee.
“You ARE part of a family.”
Another brick in place.
__________
Eddie tracked it when he came out to Buck.
Being gay was something that had crept up on him. He knew it in his subconscious well before he ever acknowledged it, and it took even longer to say it out loud.
They sat in a diner after a 24-hour shift. They placed their orders; Eddie took a deep breath and hid his shaking hands underneath the table.
“Hey, I have something to tell you.”
Buck’s face fell.
“What’s wrong?”
Of course he’d think it was bad news. It was always bad news.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Eddie reassured him, and launched into it before he lost his nerve. “Actually, you could say that something’s finally right. I’m gay. Chris already knows.”
Joy flashed in Buck’s expression. The contrast was almost startling. He quickly got it back under control, schooling his features into something more like gentle encouragement.
“That’s great, Eds! That you figured that out, I mean!”
“You don’t sound very surprised.”
“The mustache gave it away.”
Eddie just glared at him.
“Oh, and I’m proud of you! Come here.”
They hugged for a long time, neither willing to pull away. Eddie felt the weight of it all: Buck's poorly-concealed excitement at his coming out, his unsurprised reaction, the unspoken acknowledgement between them. It built up in his chest, a not-unwelcome pressure.
It wasn’t the right time, but they’d added a whole new layer of bricks.
__________
Eddie tracked it the first time they touched each other in a way that they couldn't fit into their enormous, overstuffed box labelled “platonic friendship.”
They were back at the same bar, a full month later. Just the team this time, with Maddie and Karen and Athena otherwise occupied and Tommy out of the picture. The mood, in a nice change of pace, was celebratory. Earlier, they'd evacuated an entire apartment building and suppressed the large fire without a single injury to anyone involved.
Hen proposed a toast to the day’s success. One by one they added their own toasts for recent events, as if Thanksgiving had come early.
“To Chris being in L.A where he belongs,” said Eddie, and they raised their glasses.
“To Mara being home, too,” said Chimney, and they raised their glasses.
“To Athena’s unexpected pilot skills,” said Bobby, and they raised their glasses.
“To a new role play opportunity for Cap,” Chimney chimed back in, causing Buck and Hen to both gag while Eddie smirked and Bobby blushed.
“To the 118 getting gayer by the minute,” said Buck, and they all raised their glasses with a cheer.
Later, Buck handed Eddie his keys, already a little tipsy.
“It's my turn. I'm calling in the favour.”
“Okay, passenger princess,” said Eddie, and laughed at his own hypocrisy. “I'll get us home safe.”
They headed to the bar to order water for Eddie and a fancy cocktail for Buck. As they waited for his drink to be made Buck leaned in close, dropped his forehead onto Eddie’s shoulder, and fisted a hand in the front of his shirt. As if it was second nature, Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s shoulders protectively and rubbed at the nape of his neck gently with one hand.
“Are you OK?” he asked, slightly concerned about what might have triggered this very welcome but very new level of closeness.
“Just resting,” Buck mumbled. Eddie’s heart swelled like a symphony crescendo, and he closed his eyes to enjoy the moment while it lasted. Eventually, Buck’s cocktail appeared, and they made their way back to the group.
Eddie dropped him back at the loft. The structure rose up around them, brick by brick. Slooooowly.
__________
Eddie tracked it when he couldn’t sleep one night, and somehow Buck knew without even being told.
He was lying awake, spiraling steadily as he thought of how his son had hated him so much he’d moved states away. It was stupid, because Chris was home now. They were rebuilding trust. Everything was fine. But it had all still happened , and that particular night Eddie's mind was whirring with how much worse things could have been. At 1 am, his phone lit up with a phone call.
“Buck?”
“Eddie?” his best friend asked sleepily, “are you OK? I saw you were liking things on Instagram and it's really late. You're usually asleep by now.”
He could have lied. But he didn’t, because they were building something, and he wanted it built on honesty.
“I just keep thinking about how I screwed up so badly I drove Chris all the way to Texas. Nothing’s wrong, he's still here, we're okay. It's just my brain makes it hard to sleep sometimes. Like tonight.”
He could hear Buck's breathing down the line.
“I get it. What do you need?”
“Can we just talk for a bit?
“Of course. Did you hear what Hen called Chimney the other day? I swear those two love and hate each other in equal measure sometimes…”
Without skipping a beat Buck carried out a fairly one-sided conversation for the next 40 minutes, stopping only when he noticed Eddie’s brief responses starting to slow.
“Have I bored you to sleep yet, Eds?”
Eddie yawned. “You're not boring, Buck. It's just late.”
“I can hardly be offended when that's exactly what I was trying to achieve, can I? Do you think you can sleep now?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Call me if you can't, okay? I'll come over.”
And he actually would, Eddie knew. If he asked, Buck would come over and keep him company in the middle of the night. If he asked, Buck would climb into his bed and hold him until he fell asleep. It was unbelievably tempting.
He didn't ask. More bricks were fixed in place.
__________
Eddie tracked it when he realized that his coworkers were thoroughly sick of their shit.
They were out on a call, relegated to crowd control as another station attended to the patients in need of medical help. He was leaning against an ambulance with Chimney, watching Buck hand out water and charm every person he encountered. One woman was particularly enthralled, and Eddie couldn’t blame her.
He could resent her, though.
“Did she con your grandmother out of money or something?” Chim asked, having tracked his glare to where Buck was enthusiastically chatting with the woman.
“What? No, I don’t know her,” Eddie snapped, trying and failing to conceal his scorn for a poor unsuspecting bystander who was simply shooting her shot.
“You look like you’re trying to kill her with the sheer power of your mind,” Chim sighed. “Eddie, you know you’re not very subtle, right?”
He did know that.
“Look, I know he’s hot, and technically he’s single, but Chim…”
“Yeah, yeah. But he’s yours . We're all aware.”
Something inside Eddie, the same beast that had carefully taken note of his victories over Tommy, purred at hearing it said aloud.
“You’re ridiculous,” Chim continued, pinching Eddie’s side so hard he yelped. “Do something about it already.”
God, he wanted to. But Buck was not long out of a relationship, and he had jumped the gun with every romantic partner he’d ever had, and he needed to wait until the right time. Whenever that was.
“I don’t think he’s ready yet.”
“No? Just look.”
They both stared at the scene unfolding across the field. The woman was blatantly trying to slip Buck her phone number, and he was backing away with hands raised.
“That doesn’t really prove anything except that he’s not looking to date yet,” Eddie grumbled.
Buck appeared to say something to the woman, and she put the slip of paper back in her pocket. They began chatting again, looking conspiratorial rather than flirtatious. She stole several furtive glances across to where Eddie and Chimney were standing and gave Buck a friendly punch to the shoulder.
“Proves he’s not ready to date her, Eddie. Wonder what they’re talking about now, hmmm?”
Another brick.
__________
Eddie tracked it when a pet name slipped out.
They were sitting in the loft at the station after a hard call, conducting an informal two-person debrief with Buck's legs sprawled across Eddie's lap.
“I always think that I could have done something more. Especially today. I could have got there faster. I could have stopped him.”
“You always do everything you can, mi amor. Don't carry that with you.”
Buck smirked at Eddie. He looked back sheepishly.
“Oops.”
“I think we're a bit past ‘oops’, baby .”
“Feels a bit premature when I haven't even kissed you yet.”
“Eds…” Buck groaned. He threw an arm across his eyes. “Do you think maybe we could set a date on that? I’m really… I don't know if I can wait any longer.”
“Are sure you’re ready for it? It won't be just a kiss. Once we open this door, I'm not closing it, Buck. I'll be all in.”
Buck sat up and fixed Eddie with a look .
“Is that what this is about? Waiting for ME? Eds, I thought you were coming to terms with coming out and wanting to take it slowly. I’ve BEEN all in.”
Eddie just stared at him.
“You just broke up with Tommy, Buck. I didn’t want to rush you.”
Buck stared back.
“I broke up with Tommy because I was all in with you even when I was with him, Eddie , you absolute moron.”
Eddie dropped a hand onto Buck’s legs where they lay across his thighs, took a deep breath, and voiced the question that he’d been wanting to ask for so long.
“Can I take you out for dinner?”
“Duh.”
A bunch more bricks fell into place, and Eddie panic-bought new clothes after their shift.
__________
Eddie tracked it when he picked up the love of his life for their first date. It did feel like they were doing things a bit backwards, but he was a traditional Mexican catholic after all. He couldn’t kiss his male best friend before taking him on a date! What would his mother think?!
With that thought in his head, Eddie was giggling to himself as he knocked on the door of Buck’s loft. Buck opened it a crack and peeked out, eyes narrowed.
“You’re early! I’m not ready yet!”
“Nice to see you too. Can I wait in the kitchen, at least?”
“Okay. Give me 20 seconds to get upstairs and then come in.”
Eddie gave him his head start then nabbed a beer from the fridge and sat on a barstool, waiting patiently and tapping on the bottle. He had told himself he wasn't feeling nervous, so it took him by surprise when Buck came down the stairs and his stomach flipped like it never had before.
In his dark jeans and blue button-up, curls carefully coiffed, he looked the same as always and yet somehow so attractive it took his breath away. Eddie thought maybe it was the knowledge that Buck had dressed specifically for him. And that he might later get undressed specifically for him.
Or maybe it was the adorable timid smile on Buck's face. Whatever it was, Eddie found himself with more butterflies than he had as a 20-year old groom with a pregnant bride.
“Wow.” Was all he could get out.
Buck squeaked and covered his face with his hands, inadvertently giving Eddie an impressive gun show.
“This is so weird. I can't believe I made you wait while I did my stupid hair. Just.. I want to look perfect for you.”
He was right; it was weird, these nerves between them. But it didn't need to be.
“Buck.” Eddie said, tugging his hands down so he could see his face, “I know I probably shouldn't say the three words I want to say before we’ve even had dinner, but let's put it this way… there's not really anything riding on this date, if we're honest. I'm, uh… I'm a sure thing.”
Buck stepped forward, eyes wide. He rested his forearms on Eddie's shoulders and gently brought their foreheads together.
“Really? asked Buck.
“Believe it, mi amor. I've never wanted anything or anyone more in my life. Anyway, you do look perfect. You’re so hot it’s making me nauseous.”
“Fuck, Eds, you can't just say things like that when we're about to leave the house,” he said in a low voice that Eddie felt in every single nerve ending his body possessed. His own hands came to rest on Buck's waist.
The butterflies kicked it up a notch.
“Seeing as we're doing it all out of order anyway,” he whispered, and closed the small but intolerable gap between their lips.
More bricks. So many more bricks. They could have fallen on Eddie's head and he wouldn't have noticed or cared.
__________
Eddie tracked it when they got back to the loft that night. The tension between them was crackling after a dinner spent trying (not very hard) to keep their hands off each other in public.
He had caved before they even got into the restaurant, running around to open Buck's door for him and then pressing him against it with an intense kiss that had them both hard and panting. They were late for their reservation; it took a 15-minute cooling off period to be decent again.
Buck had lost his battle with propriety halfway through dessert, sliding his hand up Eddie's thigh under the table in a way that had him shifting in his seat.
“Buck, sweetheart,” he said between gritted teeth, aiming for a menacing tone but landing on something closer to pained. “You don't want to do that. Certainly not here in this fine establishment.”
“Oh, but I do, Eds. I really do,” Buck murmured in his ear.
Eddie tipped his head against the back of the booth. Buck’s fingers just barely brushed against the growing bulge in his pants, and his vision blurred at the edges.
“I can't wait to get you back to my place and do this properly,” Buck was purring in his ear.
Eddie wanted to hit him. He also wanted to slip under the table and blow him. It was an unsettling juxtaposition.
“Let's fucking go now, then.”
Ten minutes later, Buck closed the door to the loft behind them and locked it. Hanging his keys on the hook, he made a beeline for Eddie in the kitchen.
“You look so good tonight,” he murmured, and pinned Eddie against the counter in a way that sent sparks down his spine. “Couldn't keep my hands off you.”
“Well, you don’t have to keep your hands off me now. So less talk, maybe, and more action?’
Buck let out a groan and moved one hand to grip Eddie's neck as he nipped at his throat. It felt better than it had any right to, and for a moment Eddie was firmly Team Edward. Buck could have opened a vein with his teeth and he would have thanked him for it.
“Buck?”
“Mmmmhmmm?” he asked, moving his ministrations down towards Eddie's clavicle and making him shiver with anticipation.
“I didn't mean that, what I said about less talking. I, uh… I like it. The talking.”
Buck's head whipped up and he grinned.
“Oh yeah? You want to hear the plans I have for you?”
“I really do,” Eddie said, letting his hands wander up and down Buck's sides under his shirt. Buck trembled at the touch. Eddie loved seeing him react.
“Well, I thought we could make out for a while first,” Buck began, pushing his hips into Eddie's until they were fully flush. “Seeing as this is our first date and all. Christen this kitchen with some really good memories, if you know what I mean. Then we could move it to the armchair, and I'll get on my knees and finally taste you like I’ve been dying to do for months now.”
Eddie was so turned on he drew blood as he dug his fingernails into Buck’s obliques.
“Yeah, you like that idea? Then I'm going to see whether I can't sweet talk you into my bed so we can cuddle til you, uh, recover a bit. I want to kiss every inch of you, and mark you up everywhere so you’ll remember tomorrow that you’re mine whenever you look in the mirror. After that, well who knows? You got any ideas to contribute?”
Buck punctuated his speech by grabbing Eddie under his thighs and lifting him onto the bench, then stepping forward to stand close between his spread legs. It was the sexiest thing Eddie had ever experienced, and his brain shorted out momentarily.
“Is this the gay agenda they talk about?” he asked when it came back online. “Because I’m not sure what everyone's so scared of. It sounds fantastic.”
Buck laughed into Eddie's chest.
“I'm glad you're on board. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Eddie felt entire walls rise around them as they put Buck's plan into action. Brick by brick. The building would never be complete; there would be endless additions to come. Bricks that looked like waking up together in Eddie's bed on countless Sunday mornings, breaking the news to their long-suffering team, too many hospital bedside vigils, a visit to Texas, arriving together to 118 family dinners, a proposal in the firehouse loft, an intimate wedding, adoption papers, tears at a high school graduation. But for now, this thing they had built was enough to shelter them from the world.