Chapter Text
This was horrendous.
This feeling of destruction. This feeling of hopelessness.
How could he have done this to her. After all she'd given him.
Eight years of her devotion snuffed with two simple words.
She had her pride. She wouldn't cry over a man she had to mother...
So why was she crying anyway?
What was left that made her cry so?
Perhaps it was the memory of who he used to be. She felt like she could see them, the memories, playing over in her head.
She packed what she could while he was out. Moved to a friends home, she helped. The wonderful friend got the rest of her stuff so she wouldn't have to see that man again.
The one who abandoned her despite saying he never would.
Were there any men she could trust?
It felt like the answer to that was a hard resounding 'no'.
She didn't understand. If he was so unhappy then why did he not say so? Why did he not simply communicate a need for things to change.
Instead of carrying on for years only to give up right when things started picking up.
She was on the cusp of a dream job that also paid well enough to get by. She was getting more friends she enjoyed being around.
All of that progression upended and on hold simply because he decided he didn't want her.
What was she to do now. Stuck without a job at all and no way to help her friend with the bills. Only doing what housework she could in repayment.
Feeling useless and hopeless for days on end, unable to stop crying for the person he used to be, the one she actually loved.
But was it really? Did she truly?
AS she thought back over the piles of clothes she was trying to sort into 'throw' and ' don't throw', there was a moment where she thought maybe she hadn't for a while.
Perhaps she had simply grown too attached, too comfortable with the familiarity of him to realise she didn't love him anymore either.
It at least stopped the tears.
She could eat again. She could do menial tasks without tiring out easily and she could finally sleep peacefully.
But there was still hardship.
No job, barely any money. Unable to join her other friends on days and night out because of it.
So she spends her days applying for jobs, finding housework to do...
And watching tv.
Shows that comforted her.
Or one show in particular.
It was funny really. This stupid show full of weird looking characters and crazy events one after the other.
She truly didn't know why she waited so long to watch it because now it was the thing that gave her solace.
Looking at that straw hat and the adventures it goes on atop that head.
She loved her friends. but she wanted friends like them, the kind of friends that wouldn't dare leave you out of something for a minute unless you insisted.
Friends that wouldn't forget you existed after a couple of days of no contact.
She wanted friends who cared as much as the straw hat pirate crew of a dumb lovely show cared about each other.
She'd swap back and forth between arcs.
From Wano to orange town. From fishman island to skypiea.
All of it was a ride she never wanted to get off of.
It was understandable really, trying to grasp at anything at all to make her happy when her life only ever seemed to fall apart now.
Every job interview fell through.
Any hope of getting back on track dashed before her eyes.
One bad moment at a time.
So it was really no wonder why she wished for it.
She ended yet another arc rewatch to go to bed and just once, as she fell asleep...
She wished she could have been apart of Luffy's journey also.
And well you know what they say.
Be careful what you wish for.
And also be careful what you dream for.