Archive of Our Own

I.

12 years old

"Hi! Can I sit next to you?"

Jiseok got startled, almost dropping his book. Looking up, he met an unfamiliar face, a huge smile adorning it, heart-shaped and almost too big for the boy who wore it. 

It was the new kid, introduced by the room teacher just a few minutes ago. What did he say his name was? Joo... Joong...? 

Maybe sensing his confusion, the other boy extended one of his hands in a friendly manner, and Jiseok took it almost as a reflex. His hand was warm.

"You're Jiseok, right? I'm Jooyeon, the newbie" the boy— no, Jooyeon— said with a thick dialect Jiseok couldn't pinpoint where it was from, shaking Jiseok’s hand for a couple of seconds before letting it go. "Teacher Yang said I could sit here."

Finally, words seemed to find a way back to Jiseok just as he nodded, turning his attention back towards his book, where he was busy solving the math problems Ms. Shin explained to the class the other day. 

"If Mr. Yang said that, then why did you ask me?" he questioned after Jooyeon finished taking his notebook and pencil case from his backpack. It was pink, Jiseok noticed, with a Jigglypuff keychain hanging from one of the clasps. 

This time, it was Jooyeon who remained silent for some seconds, seemingly lost in thought. After a while, he simply shrugged with a grin.

“You look friendly. I wanted to talk to you."

It was a simple explanation, and yet it seemed to spark something inside Jiseok’s chest. Something tingly and fuzzy that made his ears burn, the other boy's smile so bright, Jiseok swore for a brief second that it was as if the sun lived in there. But before he could say anything else to his new benchmate, or ponder about that last thought, the bell rang, and Mr. Soo, the biology teacher, entered the classroom.

That night, Jiseok dreamed of sunbeams and a warm hand holding his.

II.

14 years old

"Catch!"

"Huh?"

Jiseok barely had the time to look up before a soft but firm object hit him on the face. With a grunt he flipped off in Jooyeon's direction, earning him a laugh from his friend, and a snicker from Seungmin and Hyeongjun, who were seated to his right. 

"What took you so long?" Hyeongjun asked after the laugh subsided, but still with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Jiseok was starting to worry about something happening to you."

“Yeah, he was this close to asking the security guy if he'd see you” added Seungmin while making his index and thumb almost touch, with a wicked grin that made Hyeongjun snort. 

"Shut up, I did not!" Jiseok retorted, feeling his ears burn, a well-known tell-tale of his embarrassment. 

"Aww, is poor Jiseokkie blushing? How cute!" Seungmin giggled, his giggles morphing into a cackle after Jiseok punched him in the arm. 

"Sorry sugar," Jooyeon apologized, ignoring their friends' quips, his smile still as wide as always. "I couldn't find the brand you liked so I had to walk to the convenience store three blocks away."

"... What?" Jiseok said, caught off guard at Jooyeon's explanation of his absence. Jooyeon pointed with his chin at the object that was now resting on Jiseok’s lap. 

"The bread you asked me for," he explained with a shrug, before plopping next to him and starting unwrapping his breakfast, a ham and egg cheese bagel that was probably a bit mushy by now. Jiseok didn't pay him attention, more busy finally noticing what Jooyeon threw at him. 

The object in question ended up being a chocolate-filled bun that Jiseok jokingly asked Jooyeon to buy him when he went to the cafeteria, not even bothering to give him the money to pay for it. The fact that Jooyeon took the time to walk those three blocks under the abrasive sun just to get Jiseok what he asked, despite being already hungry, made his cheeks light up, syrupy warmth pooling in his gut. 

"Thank you, Joo.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Jiseok noticed Seungmin watching him with an amused expression, clearly having picked up his bodily reaction. Feeling exposed, Jiseok ignored him, focusing instead on tearing the soft bread packaging and taking a big bite, the too-familiar sweetness covering his tongue. 

But not as sweet as Jooyeon's name on his mouth. 

III.

15 years old

“What if she doesn't like me?” Jooyeon asked for the third time, making Jiseok roll his eyes. 

“Then you can come to my house and eat all my s'more-flavored ice cream” Jiseok playfully retorted, stomping and burying the bitterness that threatened to crawl from his chest. 

Jiseok knew what he was signing up for the moment Jooyeon came to him, with his big puppy eyes and a pout Jiseok wanted to kiss senselessly, and asked him for help to confess to his crush. Shin Jiung was the captain of the school's female football team, top one in her class and one of the most popular girls of their generation. She was also pretty, with long brown hair and gentle doe eyes, a soft voice and naturally pink cheeks. Everyone liked her, and Jooyeon had a thing for pretty girls. Jiseok couldn't blame him. 

Jiseok knew then and there that whatever feelings he had for Jooyeon were condemned to rot inside him without having the chance to bloom. A butterfly losing its wings without ever learning how to fly. 

And yet, he put into the best smile he had, and said yes. Swallowing the longing until it was deep inside, until not even his heart knew where it was. 

He helped every step of the way. From words to letters and even reactions, he guided Jooyeon until he deemed ready, until the boy standing in front of him wasn't a blushing mess, but a confident guy. 

“Shin Jiung, I like you!” said Jooyeon, making most of the students who were witnessing the scene, gasp. “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

Even then, watching Jooyeon declaring his love to the girl he liked felt like a punch in the gut. Watching said girl blushing and smiling while reciprocating his feelings, felt like a heartbreak. Crack, his heart cried. 

Still, it didn't hurt less seeing them share their first kiss in front of half of the school, all while Jiung's friends giggled and cheered for her. Seungmin and Hyeongjun patted Jiseok’s back as consolation, their touch the only thing that kept him grounded. That evening was spent on watching movies and eating ice cream with them, their stupid jokes and incessant bickering the perfect distraction to his crushed heart. 

Even so, not even all the ice cream in the world could take away the bitter taste that remained in Jiseok’s mouth after witnessing Jooyeon with someone else under his arm.

Someone who was not him. 

IV.

17 years old

"Are you sure you don't want me to drop you off, sugar?" 

Jiseok rolled his eyes for the tenth time in less than an hour, the mirror's reflection catching Jooyeon's silhouette lying on his bed, scrolling on his phone while simultaneously watching him put the finishing touches on his outfit. 

"I'll be fine, jeez" Jiseok complied with a grimace of annoyance, but unable to hide the fondness of his voice. "Seungmin arranged this date for me, have some faith in him."

Ever since Jiseok came out to his friends less than a year ago and started going on dates with other guys, Jooyeon had become almost overprotective, always dropping him off at the places of his dates and sometimes picking him up afterwards, painfully oblivious to the way Jiseok heart fluttered at those displays of protectiveness. 

Stupid Jooyeon for being Jiseok’s crush and stupid him for pining after his straight best friend. 

"I have faith in him, not in the guy," Jooyeon replied with a huff, so endearingly childish in Jiseok’s eyes. 

"You're ridiculous."

"And you're naïve."

"Remind me who was the one who believed Santa was real until we were fifteen?" 

"Yah! Get over it." Jooyeon whined with red cheeks, making Jiseok laugh. 

"Seriously, Joo, I'll be fine," Jiseok said after his laugh died down, finally turning back and sitting on the edge of his mattress to put on his shoes. "If you drop me off you'll be late for your own date."

Jooyeon gave him a resigned look, bringing one of his hands up to his hair to ruffle it, a showing sign of his disagreement. "I'm sure Jiung will understand."

"I know," kissing Jooyeon's cheek, Jiseok got up, checking for the last time he had his phone, keys, and wallet with him. "But she's your girlfriend and she deserves to be treated like that."

"... Fine."

Together they left Jiseok’s home, waving his mother goodbye. The day was beautiful, sunny with clear skies. Jooyeon's hair, a rich shade of dark brown, seemed to absorb all the light, onyx drinking gold. Despite his words, he still looked like a kicked puppy after Jiseok’s rejection. 

Jiseok sighed, chastising himself for being weak when it came to his best friend. "Drop me off at the bus stop? Don't want to sweat my makeup." 

It was as if all the sunlight suddenly condensed into Jooyeon's smile, so bright that for a second Jiseok feared he was going blind. 

Oh, he was screwed. 

Once he arrived at the café Seungmin sent him the directions to, it didn't take Jiseok long to notice his date, being the only customer who looked quite nervous, as well as being well dressed.

"Hi," Jiseok greeted the older, making his feline eyes lock on him. "Jungsu, right? I'm Jiseok."

"Nice to meet you, Jiseok," said the guy, Jungsu, with a wide smile, although not as wide as...

Stop. Stop right there. 

“First time coming here?” Jungsu asked, noticing the way Jiseok got lost in his thoughts for a second, probably thinking he was just observing his surroundings. 

Blushing a bit, Jiseok nodded with a shy smile. “Is it that obvious?” he lied, grateful his slip went unnoticed. 

“Not at all,” Jungsu replied, handing Jiseok the menu. “I'm just good at reading people, that's it.”

And with that, the slightly awkward atmosphere evolved into something more comfortable. 

It turned out that Jungsu was also enrolled in the same dance academy as Seungmin, which explained why he was able to find someone to be Jiseok’s date in a blink. A year older and the second of three siblings, Jungsu was already a freshman in college, where he was majoring in Theatrical Performance, with a minor in Contemporary Dance. 

Jungsu was a handsome guy, Jiseok conceded, with broad shoulders and a beautiful, kind smile, short black hair and strong arms that loved to hug and hold his loved ones. He was also very funny and a gentleman, paying for Jiseok’s drink and dessert despite Jiseok’s insisting on not being necessary.

After eating they decided to walk along the small park located in front of the café, letting the breeze ruffle their hair, carrying within itself the earthy aroma of freshly cut grass and flowers. Only a few people remained there, mostly elderly couples and a family of four walking and playing with their dog. 

Jiseok felt comfortable talking and laughing along with Jungsu, until after a while he noticed a change in the expression of the older one. It wasn't boredom, per se, but almost as if he was deep in thought, looking at something in front of him that wasn't truly there. Suddenly, Jiseok felt very self-conscious, the too-familiar knot of anxiety starting to form in the pit of his stomach. 

"I'm sorry," he apologized, making Jungsu turn to look at him, confused. 

"What for?" 

Jiseok scratched the back of his neck, a self-deprecating smile on his lips. "I'm talking too much, am I? You're probably tired already."

"Uh? No, don't worry" Jungsu assured him, stopping on his tracks and putting a hand on Jiseok’s shoulder, a comfortable pressure that made Jiseok stop too. "It's just that..." Jungsu bit his lip, clearly trying to organize his thoughts without risking upsetting Jiseok. "You like your best friend, right? That Jooyeon guy you mentioned?"

Jiseok felt as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped on him, looking at Jungsu with a mix of fear and worry. Did he say too much? Was it too obvious? 

Sensing his uneasiness, Jungsu smiled, pulling Jiseok into a hug, making him yelp. "It's just the way you talk about him," he said, his warm breath tickling Jiseok’s temple. "How you seem to glow every time you say his name. It's very cute, actually."

After the initial shock, Jiseok allowed himself to melt into Jungsu's embrace, sighing. Despite only having known him for a few hours, Jiseok felt safe in his arms. "I have no chance with him, Hyung. He's straight, and I've liked him for years."

Jungsu hummed as a response, but otherwise he remained quiet for a while. Jiseok soaked in the silence, a weight he didn't know he carried by lifting off his shoulders. 

"Do you want to know why I accepted Seungmin's request to have a date with you?" asked Jungsu after ending the hug a few minutes later, both of them resuming their walk. Red and purple hues painted Jungsu's profile, sunset hiding in his hair. Jiseok nodded. "I'm also in a very similar situation to yours. He's not my childhood friend, but we've known each other for a while."

“Oh,” Jiseok gaped, a bit taken aback at the sudden revelation. However, once the initial surprise wore off, Jiseok gave Jungsu a nudge as a sign of encouragement. "Then... tell me about him?" 

Jungsu sighed, a dreamy sound escaping his lips along with a half smile. “Well, his name is Gunil…”

By the time they both said their goodbyes, the other's numbers on their phones and a promise to hang out more, Jiseok felt much better. It was nice to have a friend who understood him. 

V.

18 years old

Choking on a mouthful of ramen, Jiseok coughed, incredulity painted all over his face. He turned to Jooyeon, who was still watching the movie, his own cup of ramen in between his hands. 

"I'm sorry, you did what ?" Jiseok wheezed, unable to believe what he'd heard. 

"I broke up with Jiung,'' Jooyeon repeated while shrugging, finally taking his eyes off the TV. It was summer, which meant Jiseok was practically living at Jooyeon's home for at least two weeks, none of their parents minding at all about their long sleepovers. "Why are you so surprised?" he asked, genuine curiosity in his voice. 

Heart frantically pounding inside his ribs, Jiseok gulped his grape soda to clear his throat before speaking again. "It was abrupt, that's all. You two were just talking about college and moving together last week."

"Things changed," Jooyeon said after a beat of silence, finishing the last of his noodles. “‘M still hungry,” Jooyeon said while getting up and walking to the kitchen to get himself another serve, leaving Jiseok alone with his thoughts for a couple of minutes. The movie was nothing but background noise by that point. 

Something didn't feel quite right. Ever since they became friends, it was pretty common for Jooyeon to always tell Jiseok everything and anything, from telling him about the latest video game he was playing on his phone, to wanting some advice, to simply getting things out of his chest. More than once, that also included his relationship status. The fact that he didn't tell Jiseok about what finally caused him to break up with Jiung caused him a feeling of discomfort that he didn't like at all. Jooyeon was not entitled to tell him anything, so why was he suddenly thinking too much about it? 

A pair of hands on his shoulders snapped him out of his reverie, making Jiseok jump and drop his chopsticks in the process. Cursing, Jiseok turned his head to fulminate Jooyeon, who was looking at him, amused. 

"Sorry, sugar," he said with a giggle. "I asked if you wanted more ramen but you didn't answer. So?"

"Fuck you."

"Language, princess," smiling, Jooyeon pinched Jiseok's cheek, dodging Jiseok’s attempt to slap his hand away. "I'll take that as a yes."

And with that he left again, humming a song and ignoring the way Jiseok’s face turned bright red, his brain finally catching up on Jooyeon's new pet name.

Princess

Burying his face in one of the couch cushions, Jiseok took deep breaths to keep himself from squealing like a girl, his heart a stuttering mess.

Kwak Jiseok, you're so weak, he reprimanded himself. 

(And indeed he was, because later that night, already under the fuzzy covers of Jooyeon's bed, when the latter asked Jiseok if he wanted to move in with him before college started, Jiseok didn't think twice before saying yes.)

VI.

22 years old

America was such an odd place, in more ways than one. But at least the hotel where Jungsu and Gunil's wedding was taking place was incredibly luxurious, as well as the booked bedrooms for the guests. Big rooms with two double beds, soft cream-colored rugs, and an amazing view of the city, all the place was comfortable enough for the long week they'll have ahead before the wedding. 

It turned out that Gunil, Jungsu's fiancé, was not only totally, utterly, hopelessly head over heels for him, but also was the heir of a major security company. Only the invitations, printed in the most exquisite, high-quality paper and decorated with real gold leaves, cost more than one year of Jiseok’s wage, he was sure. And that wasn't to mention the suits tailored for Jungsu's groomsmen, all ranging in different shades of blue and gold according to his request. 

Flopping down on the fluffy mattress, Jiseok sighed. The journey had been long and tiring. With a layover in Atlanta before arriving in Boston, in total, it had been around twenty hours of traveling, and a day and a half if counting the 15-hour-long stop between Seoul and Georgia. 

Jooyeon flopped next to him. His hair, now dyed a dirty shade of blond, shone like a halo against the soft surface. 

"I need to sleep for the next three days" Jooyeon mumbled, burying his face in the duvet, so close to Jiseok he could smell Jooyeon's shampoo and sweat, the other's breath tickling his ear. "I'm so tired."

"Me too, but we can't," Jiseok retorted, closing the gap with Jooyeon and cuddling next to him, sighing when he felt one of Jooyeon's arms circling his waist, pressing Jiseok to his side in a familiar embrace. "Tomorrow we have brunch next to the pool with the grooms and their families, the final fitting of our suits, and dinner and drinks for only the six of us."

"Ugh, what's with the rich people and their packed itineraries? Don't they know we need to rest after a long flight?" Jooyeon complained, wiggling along the mattress to rest his face on Jiseok’s chest. Jiseok giggled, praying that his red ears and racing heart went unnoticed by his friend. 

"I know, I know, but Gunil Hyung is the one who paid for our flight tickets, booked this bedroom, and ordered our suits for the wedding. The least we could do is go along with the schedule. Not to mention we already promised Hyeongjun to have dinner with him and Seungmin later tonight." Jiseok said, his hands already on Jooyeon's hair, smiling fondly at the little sounds the latter made when Jiseok started massaging his scalp. He knew flights gave Jooyeon headaches, making him a bit grumpy and more sleepy. 

"I hate when you're right, sugar," Jooyeon said some minutes later, his words slurring an indication of how close to falling asleep he was. Tangling his legs with his’, Jooyeon reminded Jiseok of a baby koala. "I don't know what I'll do without you."

And with that Jooyeon fell asleep, his deep, low breaths more a feeling against Jiseok’s body. He gulped, fighting against the sting behind his lids and the heaviness of his heart. Closing his eyes, he kissed Jooyeon's hair, revealing in the softness of it, silky smooth despite getting recently bleached. 

"Me too, more than you'd ever know." 

VII.

23 years old  

“It’s so cold!”

“It's because you have a fever, you big baby.” 

It turned out that living with someone like Jooyeon also required to take care of him every time he fell ill, his already childish traits exacerbated by the fever and chills running along his body. Not that Jiseok was truly upset by it. 

Like right now, with him sitting along Jooyeon's bed, peeling a tangerine to feed him and making sure the soaked washcloth he just brought from the bathroom stayed on his forehead. Which was difficult in itself, with how much Jooyeon kept moving, despite waves of dizziness and body aches wracking his lanky frame. 

“I told you that running under the rain wasn't a good idea,” Jiseok popped the last wedge of tangerine on Jooyeon's mouth to keep him from whining. “And no, Principal Jung would’ve understood.”

“But my students…” Jooyeon said, still munching. 

“Your class still got canceled due to the rain” Jiseok got up to throw the peel and remove the thermometer from Jooyeon's armpit. He frowned when seeing the result. 38,5°C. “Seriously, you just got sick over nothing.”

“Jiseokie, don't be mean.”

“Only if you stop whining.” 

As if on command Jooyeon stopped, his mouth closing with a click. Equal parts surprised and amused, Jiseok ruffled his hair before standing again. “Good boy. I'll bring you more water.”

Jiseok only had the chance to pick up a glass when the sound of something falling alerted him. 

“Joo? Everything's alright?”

Seconds passed with no answer. Leaving the glass behind Jiseok sprinted back to his friend's bedroom, where he found him on the floor, cheeks even more flushed and breathing heavily, his eyes slightly unfocused but still conscious. 

“Jooyeon!” Jiseok ran to help him lay back to bed, tucking him again and searching for the washcloth. “What happened?”

“Wanted to go to the bathroom, my face feels sticky,” Jooyeon answered after a few seconds. “Didn't want to bother you, sugar.”

“You'll never bother me,” Jiseok mumbled, brushing all the sweaty strands of hair out of Jooyeon's face, using the freshly soaked washcloth to clean all the sweat pooling at his temples and neck. Then, maybe as a way to reinforce his point, or already lost in the way Jooyeon's gaze was transfixed on him, he bent down to place a kiss on his forehead. He moved away after a few seconds. “Don't move. I'll go for some painkillers.”

After getting them and a glass of water, as well as coaxing Jooyeon to swallow the pills, Jiseok made a feint to leave the room, trying to let Jooyeon rest. However, he didn't get too far. A hand clasped around his wrist, and although the grip was weak, it served his purpose in stopping Jiseok. 

“Stay?” Jooyeon pleaded, looking at Jiseok with his big puppy eyes, half-lidded and vulnerable. Jiseok’s heart, such a fragile thing, fluttered against his ribcage. 

Always and forever, Jiseok thought to himself, you just have to ask. 

Nodding, he tried to sit again next to the bed, but was stopped again by Jooyeon. “Cuddle me, please?”

Jiseok felt his face burn, probably matching Jooyeon's feverish one. Still, who was he to deny his wish? 

“Scoot over, then,” was what he said instead, laying next to Jooyeon once the space was enough. However, instead of getting face to face, Jooyeon settled down so that his back was facing Jiseok. Jiseok’s face burnt even hotter when he realized what the latter wanted. Oh. 

Swallowing the sudden rush of butterflies pulsing on his throat, Jiseok closed the already small gap between their bodies, worming his way into circling Jooyeon's waist with both arms, letting his forehead rest briefly on his friend's nape. Jooyeon's hair was getting longer, already the perfect length to put it up on a low ponytail. Jiseok resisted the urge to bury his face in it. 

“You're so warm,” murmured Jooyeon, visibly more relaxed, the words dripping from his tongue like warm honey, thick and slow. One of his hands roamed a few seconds before finding Jiseok’s, intertwining their fingers as if it were second nature. 

Jiseok gulped, the hummingbird on his chest rattling furiously on its bone cage, desperate to find and sing to its owner, the same one Jiseok held in his arms, feverish and curled up against his chest in a display of complete vulnerability, soft belly under Jiseok’s greedy hands. 

Time ticked away, their breaths and the drip drip drip of the rain the only sounds filling the silence. Jiseok’s arms were starting to get numb, but he didn't dare move, afraid to disturb Jooyeon's rest. So convinced Jiseok was that the latter was asleep, that his voice made him jump, mumbling something unintelligible. 

“Hm? What's wrong, Joo?” Jiseok whispered. “Are you uncomfortable? Do you want more water?”

“Jiseok…”

“Tell me.”

A beat of silence, a ragged breath. And then-

“Sometimes… Sometimes I wish you were a girl…”

(Jooyeon's fever broke up by midnight, thrashing and begging someone to not leave him, please please please, completely lost in a restless dream. 

By the next morning Jooyeon claimed not being able to remember anything from the day before, his mind a confused blur. 

And Jiseok was still a coward.)

VIII.

24 years old 

The next ones in getting married, to no one's surprise, were Seungmin and Hyeongjun. 

However, instead of a luxurious wedding in America like Jungsu and Gunil's, the couple decided to do something smaller and private, their final choice being a beautiful garden salon in Bangkok with just their families and closest friends. 

The whole ceremony was calm, the soft spring breeze carrying the scent of the flowers surrounding them. Letting nature be the decoration itself, everyone's dresses and suits were in delicate shades of creams, browns, and dark greens. 

The music, of course, was also beautiful, especially when Hyeongjun surprised his now-husband with a guitar cover of one of the first songs they listened to together, Jungsu and Jooyeon being his voice all the while. 

'Cause love is born when hearts collide

Every time you touch me

You remind me that I'm still alive… 

Barely two hours after the alcohol started circulating Jiseok was already tipsy, making him laugh at every joke Gunil was saying and his bickering with Jungsu, who was trying to stop his husband from drinking more, with no success. After dancing a few songs, Jiseok was already tired, and the seats on the table were surprisingly comfortable. So there he was, enjoying his last drink and admiring the whole event with a small smile. 

“What's s’funny?” Jooyeon's voice appeared next to him, sounding just as tipsy as Jiseok. Turning to see him, Jiseok used his champagne flute to point— with some difficulty— at the scene the two oldest of their friend group were inadvertently doing. Jooyeon snorted, but didn't comment anything, probably waiting for a verbal answer. 

“Nothing,” Jiseok finally said, shaking his head. It was dark already, but the fairy lights hanging on the trees and the lamps on each table kept the place illuminated, its golden glow creating and accentuating shadows everywhere. And Jooyeon's side profile wasn't an exception. 

Slightly drunk as he was, Jiseok’s fuzzy mind made his gaze trace from the perfect slope of Jooyeon's nose, to the firm curve of his brows, and to every scar and mole along his face, framed by light and dark in equal parts. His eyes, melted dark chocolate, now glowed like embers, burning Jiseok to the core when they locked eyes, the world going quiet around them. 

Something shifted in the air. More than a flicker, less than a flame, but so intense that it threatened to suffocate Jiseok. Because Jooyeon was seeing him in a way he never did before. 

As if on cue, a slow song started playing, clearly an invitation for the couples to get up and dance with their partners. 

Standing up (a bit clumsily due to the champagne on his system), Jooyeon offered Jiseok his hand. 

“Dance with me?”

Normally, sober Jiseok would've laughed, joked, and teased Jooyeon before accepting the offer, if only for the memory, while making his best effort to not show how much he wanted it. 

But he wasn't sober. And so, feeling his face hot, he didn't hesitate before taking Jooyeon's slightly bigger hand, his heart skipping a beat when Jooyeon intertwined his fingers, guiding him until they were on the dance floor, closer to the end of it and letting the shadows hide them for the most part, which only served to make Jiseok even more nervous, feeling the last traces of alcohol leave his body and making him wide awake. 

What was Jooyeon doing? 

He didn't have the time to ponder on it when Jooyeon let go of his hand and held him by the waist, his long fingers burning Jiseok’s skin despite layers of silk and satin, printing his palms all over Jiseok’s lower back and sides. 

Jiseok gulped, afraid to open his mouth, for his frenzied heart was a heavy weight on his tongue, ready to spill itself and coat the floor with a mix of love and guts. 

“Y’know, you're s’pposed to hold my shoulders” Jooyeon's voice brought Jiseok back from his mind. Looking up, he couldn't suppress the gasp that escaped his lips, noticing how close their faces were. 

“Sorry,” Jiseok murmured, wrapping his arms around his best friend’s neck, his long hair tickling his hands and sending tingles all the way down his spine. 

Back and forth they swayed, the soft music and their breaths the only thing Jiseok could perceive under his fast heartbeat. He knew his cheeks were red, but prayed that Jooyeon's drunken state of mind refrained him from connecting the dots. 

As the final notes of the song reverberated through the place, Jiseok felt himself being pressed against Jooyeon's chest, his friend's grasp on his waist firm but gentle, causing Jiseok to shiver despite the fire running along his veins. 

“Jooyeon, what-”

“How much would you hate me,” Jooyeon interrupted him, his voice just a bit more than a whisper, warm breath caressing his lips, “if I kiss you right now?”

Time froze, and the air escaped from Jiseok’s lungs. Jooyeon was watching him intently, the faintest light tracing the right contour of his face in a dangerous, almost predatory way, making him look less like a man and more like a god. Trapped in between his arms, Jiseok felt like a lamb being bared for sacrifice. 

“... What?” was the only thing Jiseok was able to muster, pressure building behind his teeth and eyes, every inch of his being taut like a live wire. 

“Want to kiss you,” said Jooyeon this time, so close to his face Jiseok could see the outline of his lashes despite the poor illumination. “Can I?”

Letting his hands card through Jooyeon's hair, silky smoothness in between his fingers, Jiseok nodded, mind too foggy to properly let him articulate a single sentence. Yet, to Jooyeon, it was enough. 

Jooyeon's lips were warm on him. Despite his reputation of always being the most impatient and impulsive of the two, his mouth patiently guided the kiss, taking his sweet time in peeling each and every layer of wanton in Jiseok’s lips, biting and licking with a hunger that made Jiseok whimper softly, already a trembling mess under the hands of his best friend. Hot coals burned his insides, feverish desire crumbling down any coherent thoughts that weren't Jooyeon and Jooyeon's mouth on him already bubbling in between his ribs. 

It wasn't until he felt lightheaded that Jiseok allowed himself to separate from Jooyeon, gaining just enough of his self-awareness back to check on his surroundings, thankful for the spot they were in, almost hidden from everyone. Most of the guests were still dancing or drinking, although a few of them were already saying their goodbyes to the grooms. 

“I'm still here, sugar.”

Jooyeon's voice right on his ear made Jiseok jump, his nerves already set ablaze. Turning his head again towards him. Jooyeon's eyes were like a dark abyss, trapping Jiseok in a never-ending fall, a rabbit hole of Jooyeon Jooyeon Jooyeon—. 

“Why did you kiss me?” Jiseok asked abruptly, lips still tingling and hands idly playing with his friend's hair, mind a bit too far gone in the kiss and the touch, the quiet bubble surrounding them intimate enough to allow himself that. 

Jooyeon quietly observed him for a few seconds, his gaze slowly drinking at the sight of a flushed Jiseok, the sweet and pliant taste of his mouth like a honey cocktail on his tongue. 

“I needed to know.” he finally answered, making Jiseok arch a brow in a confused manner. 

“Know what?” 

Using their closeness in advantage, Jiseok trembled when Jooyeon burrowed his head on the side of his neck and took a deep breath, as if he wanted his lungs to get imprinted by Jiseok’s scent. Maybe he did. That thought only served to make the coals inside Jiseok burn brighter. 

“How deep my affection for you runs through my veins,” Jooyeon said, his raspy voice reverberating along Jiseok’s reddened skin. “If is the mere alcohol or not the thing making me want you so goddamn much.”

It took every ounce of willpower for Jiseok to not make an inappropriate sound, aware they were still in public. 

“And…” Jiseok gasped, voice barely above a whisper, his breath caressing Jooyeon's ear. “And what's your answer?”

Jooyeon only kissed him again. 

It was only when Jooyeon started unbuttoning Jiseok’s shirt, already in the safety of their shared hotel room, that he found the courage to ask.

"Jooyeon?" he called, making the man stop, his dark eyes fixing on Jiseok’s face. "You're not gonna regret this tomorrow, right? Because I know that I won't."

Letting go of his clothes, Jooyeon cupped Jiseok’s face, his thumbs caressing Jiseok’s cheeks as their foreheads touched. Jiseok closed his eyes, sighing.

"Jiseok," Jooyeon said after a few seconds, his mouth so close Jiseok could feel the brush of Jooyeon's lips against his, "you know I regret many things in my life, both good and bad, but I've never once regretted anything that involves you."

Leaving a kiss on his lips, Jooyeon's genuine smile was so bright even the moon paled in comparison, staring at Jiseok like he was the sun itself.

"You're the most important person in my life, Seok," Jooyeon continued, moving back into his initial position, leaving Jiseok mourning the lack of space and touch, "and I'll never be able to forgive myself if I ever hurt you in any way. I promise you that this, whatever that happens, won't go away once the night passes. I swore it for my life. Do you believe me, Jiseok?" 

Jiseok gulped, feeling the knot in his chest, the very same one containing all the mess that was his feelings for his best friend, start unraveling against his will. Unbridled yearning bubbled under his skin, and Jiseok knew that it only needed one last push, delicate like the brush of a feather, to finally collapse. 

“Jiseok?”

Said push being Jooyeon's questioning voice calling his name, concern replacing the initial lust. 

“I love you” Jiseok blurted, finally unable to keep those words hidden deep inside him. Tears filled his eyes, shame and fear corroding his throat at Jooyeon's surprised expression. “I've been in love with you for so long, and I just…-” he choked, tripping and stumbling like a child over his own explanation, avoiding his best friend's gaze. “I just can't keep pretending it doesn't hurt me knowing that you only see me as your friend, while for me you're everything.”

The silence that proceeded Jiseok’s confession was deafening, and as the seconds kept ticking away, Jiseok started to feel like a complete fool, an imbecile who just ruined the only chance of pretending, at least for a night, that Jooyeon was his. To finally allowed himself to imagine that Jooyeon's kisses spelled love against his pulse, and his long fingers held him with the intent of carving indelible marks against his pale skin. 

God, he was so, so stupid. He hated himself. 

Gentle fingers swiped the tears on his face, making his gaze snap back at Jooyeon, shock painting his features. Jooyeon's own face was serious, but his eyes conveyed such a big amount of warmth and tenderness that Jiseok let out a sob. He didn't deserve to be stared at like that, not after what he said. Not after possibly tainting his most important relationship ever, romantic or not. 

“Shh,” Jooyeon cooed in a calming tone, “it's okay, princess, it's okay. Breathe.”

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-”

“There's nothing to apologize for,” Jooyeon replied, “if anything, I should be the one doing it. I'm-”

Now it was Jooyeon's turn to go silent, seemingly trying to piece together his thoughts in a coherent string of words. 

“You wanna know why I broke up with Jiung?” said Jooyeon, seemingly out of nowhere, suddenly nervous. But before Jiseok could actually reply— not like he actually could, still crying despite his intent to stop—, Jooyeon continued. “She said she loved me, but loved herself more, and wasn't willin’ to be with a boy that clearly liked someone else more. Someone that always occupied said boy's mind, and was his number one priority, despite being only friends .”

He let out a laugh, the sound so sharp and self-deprecating it made both of them cringe. “And, shit- I just… I told her I liked her , not you.”

Jiseok withered at Jooyeon's words, who grimaced while looking at him intently, as if begging Jiseok to please keep listening to him. 

“But she just smiled, y’know? That all-knowing smile only women can do, and told me she never mentioned your name, that it was myself who gave her the answer.” 

Time seemed to stop at that moment, the implications of Jooyeon's words fully sinking in Jiseok’s mind. Despite fighting against it, his heart couldn't help but let a seed of hope bloom inside. 

“I couldn't stop thinking ‘bout it for days” now it was Jooyeon's turn to get teary-eyed, a single teardrop running along his moon-kissed cheek, one that Jiseok didn't hesitate to wipe, too. Now it was both of them holding each other's faces, the atmosphere intimate enough with only the moonlight as their witness. “Over and over I tried to convince myself it wasn't that, not ‘cause I was against the idea, but ‘cause it changed the way I saw everything in between us. To realize it's always been you, the one who always was in my thoughts, the one for whom I'm willin’ to do anything, if you only ask me, was so terrifying ‘cause it was, is, true.”

More tears fell from Jooyeon's unwavering eyes, shining crystal clear against Jiseok’s fingers, but he paid them no mind. He could hear the rattle of his heart, beating in his ears so loud he was sure Jooyeon could hear it too. 

“Please,” Jiseok begged, one last chance to contain himself from letting his feelings consume him completely, “don't joke with something like this-”

“It's not a game,” Jooyeon retorted, turning his face just enough to kiss the palm of Jiseok’s hand, “what I told you earlier- I seriously rather die than cause you any pain, and no matter what happens here and now, I won't let you go. Not before this, not after, not ever.”

“Joo-”

“I love you too, Jiseok” more kisses, this time against his wrist and fingers, making Jiseok’s breath hitch for an entirely different reason this time. “I swear it to God, to the Universe, to Fate, to whatever higher being it exists. I love you so much it drives me insane. Jiseok- ”

“Show me, then,” Jiseok said, allowing his tired body to fall against the mattress, pulling Jooyeon with him until the other was all over him, nestled in between his legs, his long hair tickling Jiseok’s cheeks and sending goosebumps along his throat and ears. “Make me forget about everything but you. Tell me without words that I'm yours .”

A wolfish grin appeared on Jooyeon’s face after a split second of surprise at Jiseok’s statement, the same spark from the beginning returning, setting Jiseok's guts ablaze. 

“I'll do much more than that, sugar” Jooyeon whispered in Jiseok's ear, biting the shell softly and chuckling when he shuddered. “I'll make sure no one ever doubts that we belong to each other.”

Taking the edge of his shirt again on a silent question, Jooyeon played with the buttons while his other hand stroked the already exposed skin on Jiseok’s waist, driving him impatient after a few seconds. As much as he appreciated the other being considerate, it seriously was not the time for it, and Jooyeon knew it. 

He nudged Jooyeon's side with one of his knees, huffing when Jooyeon laughed. Bastard. 

“Just do it” Jiseok whined, letting out a contented sigh when Jooyeon started undressing him again, leaving a path of wet kisses on every inch of exposed skin, making him moan and shiver under his touch. 

“I promise you won't regret it, princess.”

“I know I won't” was the last thing Jiseok had the chance to say before his brain got filled with cotton, and his insides melted completely under Jooyeon's touch from the inside out. 

(And true to his word, when the day arrived and sunlight peered through the curtains, Jooyeon was still there, sleeping soundly with an arm surrounding Jiseok, his grip tight as if he didn't want to let Jiseok go.) 

IX.

25 years old  

Jiseok hated saying goodbye to people. 

He hated this idea of someone leaving him behind, this almost irrational fear of never seeing them again, this seed of caution which was first planted when his dad left his family and him without explanations when Jiseok was four. No calls, no text messages, no further apologies. Nothing.

Fuck that man, really, for leaving such a gruesome scar in Jiseok with the shape of his name and a painful memory translated into a perpetual struggle with loneliness.

And fuck himself, too, for feeling the weight of tears threatening to drown him at the sight of Jooyeon's suitcases, an equally sad look on his beautiful face, the corner of his eyes red, the borders of his mouth downturned. 

The sister elementary school where they worked required a temporal PE teacher, and with the other professor, Ms. Na, being already a married woman with two little kids, it was only natural that Ms. Jung asked Jooyeon if he was willing to take the vacant, at least until next year's spring break. 

Which was great, except that said school was in Ansan, and Jooyeon's grandparents were ecstatic to have their grandson at home, at least for a few months. And it didn't matter how many times he denied it, Jiseok knew how much Jooyeon loved his hometown and was excited at the prospect of coming back, albeit temporarily. 

"Hey, you," said Jiseok once it was his turn to say goodbye. The bus station was crowded, the end of summer break already looming over them, families and couples going back to their homes after some relaxing weeks out of their towns and cities. It was just them and Hyeongjun, Jungsu and Gunil at work while Seungmin was dead asleep at home after an exhausting 20-hour shift. Despite his love for dancing, Seungmin was a natural caregiver, and so it didn't surprise anyone when he applied to a Nursing degree, obtaining a good spot at Samsung Medical Centre as soon as he graduated. It was a shame it also led him to be absent from their hangouts and important dates from time to time. 

"Hi, sugar" Jooyeon's voice was raspy, sleep still clinging onto it at the edges despite being already past noon, but just as warm as always. Jiseok had to bite the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from crumbling down. But of course, Jooyeon noticed, a soft frown adorning his angelic features. "Hey, don't worry about it, 'kay? I'll be back in no time. Plus, I'm just one phone call and a bus ride away."

Jiseok tried to laugh, only succeeding in letting out a huff. "Nine months aren't exactly 'no time', Joo" he sighed, allowing Jooyeon to pull him into his embrace, his long arms encompassing Jiseok completely in a reassuring hug he didn't hesitate to correspond. "Sorry, I just..." 

"I know, princess, I know" a soft pressure, a kiss, caressed his temple, Jooyeon's heartbeat a comforting lullaby in his ears. "But I promise to visit as much as I can. I still owe you a proper boyfriend-like date, after all."

A subtle blush dusted Jiseok’s cheekbones, barely visible but burning just as much. Despite having his face hidden on Jooyeon’s chest, the soft chuckle he let out told Jiseok how aware Jooyeon was of the effect he had over him. 

"And whose fault is that?"  

Jooyeon tsked in exchange, making Jiseok giggle for the first time in the day, both of them falling into a comfortable silence afterwards. 

Feeling his resolve starting to crumble, Jiseok allowed himself another minute in Jooyeon's arms before pulling away, trying and failing to stop the tears from falling. 

"You better get going," he mumbled, "your bus will be departing soon. Call me as soon as you arrive, okay?"

"That's a deal then, sugar" a final peck on his lips and another on his cheek, as well as a final goodbye to Hyeongjun, Jooyeon started walking in the direction of his gate, where Bus 4 with destination towards Ansan was already allowing passengers to stow their luggage and board the transport. Jiseok let his eyes wander along Jooyeon's shrinking silhouette, until he finally was engulfed by the crowd. 

A slight nudge on his shoulder broke him out of his reverie some seconds later. 

"C'mon, let's get some food," said Hyeongjun when Jiseok turned to see him. Despite the neutrality of his tone, his eyes were filled with a mix of sympathy and understanding. "I didn't have time to eat anything this morning and I'm starving."

Grateful for Hyeongjun’s attempt to cheer him up, Jiseok gave him just the faintest smile. 

"Well then," Jiseok said with a slightly forced joyful tone, "let's go. I'm craving some kimchi stew."

For the rest of the day, as well as the morning and evening of the next, Jiseok tried his best to distract himself, the usually loud apartment suddenly quiet enough to drive him insane. He hadn't realized how much space Jooyeon took, always talking, laughing, playing some music, or watching a movie. The place felt empty, almost cold despite being mid-August. 

So quiet it was, that when Jiseok’s phone illuminated with a call past midnight, he almost jumped out of his skin, the book he was reading while comfortable in bed falling into his lap with a thud. 

But it was the name on the screen that truly made his heart skip a beat. 

Yeonny

"Hey sugar," Jooyeon's voice felt like warm syrup, coating Jiseok’s insides instantly, "can't sleep?" 

"I was reading."

Jooyeon made a small noise of agreement. "The book you bought last week? About pianists?" 

"Yup." 

"Sweet. Tell me 'bout it?" 

"Well, it's about these four contestants, three of them who are young music prodigies and a man who wants to prove himself..." 

For the next five minutes, Jiseok talked to Jooyeon about the characters, their backgrounds and relationships, and how the plot was progressing. But it was just as Jiseok was starting to name all the classical compositions mentioned so far when he finally took notice of how cheerful Jooyeon's tone was when asking Jiseok questions, strangely awake and alert despite the hour. 

"Something's wrong, sugar?" asked Jooyeon when Jiseok remained silent for a few seconds, startling him. 

"Sorry, it's just... I thought you'd be already asleep by now, given how late it is. Are you busy with something?"

Jooyeon giggled, which only made Jiseok feel confused. "Perhaps, perhaps not," he singsonged. "Sugar, can you do me a favor?" 

Jiseok frowned. What was Jooyeon planning? 

"Okay...?" 

"Open your curtains, I wanna see your pretty face better."

Jiseok jumped out of bed at Jooyeon's words, a smile threatening to form on his lips, doing what Jooyeon asked. 

"How did you-" 

There, on the porch, barely highlighted by the only streetlight closer enough, was Jooyeon. Despite the poor light and distance from the ground, Jiseok could make his smile, always a beam of golden hues and endearing crooked teeth, his face completely turned into Jiseok’s window. 

"Surprise, princess."

"What- How-" Jiseok spluttered, flabbergasted. "What are you doing here?" 

Through the glass, Jiseok saw Jooyeon shrug. 

"Was in the mood for a picnic. You up? I brought some of granny's homemade canned white peaches you like a lot."

"A picnic," Jiseok snorted, "at one in the morning?" 

"No more perfect time to go stargazing, if you ask me,” said Jooyeon. “C’mon princess, don't make me wait.”

It was impressive how quickly Jiseok dressed himself in a decent pair of jeans and sneakers, barely remembering to lock his door before sprinting along the halls of his apartment complex, his feet tapping anxiously against the floor of the elevator, walking as fast as he could without alerting the security guard on the entrance, who spared a confused look at Jiseok’s slightly disheveled appearance and frantic energy, but did not comment whatsoever. 

It didn't take long for Jiseok to locate Jooyeon, who now on closer inspection was leaning against a car, an old yellow pick-up that Jiseok had never seen before. 

“Hello there, beautiful,” Jooyeon greeted him as soon as he was in front of him. Dressed also in jeans and a sports sweatshirt, his face beautifully framed by the few strands of hair that escaped his half ponytail, thin golden glasses framing his high cheekbones, Jooyeon looked like straight out of a k-drama, even more accentuated by the cheeky grin he gave Jiseok after noticing his stare. “Like what you see?”

That question snapped Jiseok out of his mind, his own cheeks turning red. “I- that's not-!”

“Hm, what is it? I thought you'll be happy to see me so soon” Jooyeon's smile was contagious, and before he knew it, Jiseok found himself grinning too, finally giving into the impulse to hug Jooyeon, his tiny frame colliding with the other's chest and his arms wrapping around his waist. As expected, Jooyeon returned the gesture with even more intensity, his warmth and natural scent a blanket of comfort. 

“I am,” said Jiseok a couple of minutes later, face still buried on Jooyeon’s shoulder, content to simply lay there, feeling the rise and fall of Jooyeon's chest against his own. “Whose car is it?”

“Grandpa's,” answered Jooyeon, “had to wash it and change the tires and oil before he lent it to me, but it was completely worth it” he finished saying, kissing Jiseok’s head as if to emphasize his last statement. 

“Yeah?”

“Of course, princess” he felt Jooyeon start peppering more kisses on his hair, making Jiseok giggle like a middle-school girl. He was utterly head over heels for this man. 

“I'm not jokin’, tho” he added after a few seconds, “I brought everything for a picnic, plastic fancy cups and all.”

“You're crazy.”

“Only for you, baby” he patted Jiseok’s butt, letting Jiseok untangle himself while he took out the car keys, opened up the vehicle and held the door for the older to take the passenger seat. 

True to his word, Jiseok found a small jar filled with the sweet fruit and a plastic fork in there, making him smile. Ms. Kwak had a small business selling homemade pickled veggies and canned fruit, all coming from her big garden she nurtured diligently every day. Jiseok loved her canned peaches and she was always more than happy to send him some. 

Sitting comfortably, Jiseok popped the lid in a swift movement, delighting in the sweet syrupy aroma that immediately assaulted his nostrils. Holding the fork and pinching a slice, he bit into the white, tender flesh, a noise coming out of the back of his throat when the candy-like flavor bloomed in his tongue. 

“Tell your grandma I said ‘thank you’ and that I love her” Jiseok moaned when Jooyeon took the driver's seat, who tipped his head back, laughing at his words. 

“She already sent it with a ‘you're welcome’ note,” Jooyeon said, a big grin stretching his lips. “Delicious, isn't it?”

“You already know the answer to that,” he said, taking another bite. “Want some?”

“Sure.”

Jiseok made the feint to take another piece of peach, when one of Jooyeon's hands held him by the chin, guiding their lips together in a chaste kiss. A fierce blush adorned his face by the time they separated. 

“You're right, they're delicious” Jooyeon winked at him, finally turning on the car and starting driving, exiting the apartment complex parking lot while Jiseok’s brain still processed the kiss, so smooth he wasn't able to say anything for the first five minutes of the trip. 

“Wait, where are we going?” Jiseok finally took a proper look at their surroundings through the window, noticing the lack of buildings, replaced by what looked like miles of greenery. “You're not planning to take me with you to Ansan, are you?”

“Patience, sugar” Jooyeon's body language showed he was mostly relaxed, but the way his fingers drummed on the steering wheel revealed some nervousness underneath. “As much as I'd love to do that, I unfortunately planned somethin’ totally different. Told you, the night’s perfect for stargazing.”

“And a picnic.”

“And a picnic” confirmed Jooyeon. 

Maybe it was the calmness of the place, or the absence of cars and city noise, but before he realized it, Jiseok fell asleep. It felt like hours had passed when a hand shook him gently by the shoulder, urging him to step out of the vehicle. 

“Wake up, sugar, we're already here,” said Jooyeon in a soft tone, helping Jiseok by opening his door and extending his hand to pull him out, aware of his still sleepy state. 

Blinking a few times, Jiseok’s mouth parted open as soon as his eyes focused on his surroundings. It was an open field, clear miles of trees and flowers covering everything. The air was chilly, but that wasn't what caught Jiseok’s attention. 

Without the light pollution of the city, the usually dark-like sky revealed its rich beauty, thousands of stars shining like diamonds all over a navy blue canvas, the full moon a perfect ivory circle, lighting the grass under Jiseok’s feet, casting long shadows and providing more than enough visibility without overpowering. 

So absorbed was by the night landscape, that a pair of arms hugging him from behind made him jump lightly, the man responsible for it chuckling briefly. 

“Was gonna ask if you like this place” Jooyeon's breath tickled his jaw when his head found a place to rest on Jiseok's shoulder. “I'll take it as a yes.”

“It's gorgeous,” Jiseok said, turning back so he could be face to face with Jooyeon, hands roaming absentmindedly against a solid chest, “when did you find this place?”

Jooyeon shrugged. 

“Few months ago, actually. Took the wrong turn by accident after goin’ for groceries,' Jooyeon explained, “didn't tell you ‘bout it ‘cause I wanted to show it to you on a special occasion.”

Jiseok smiled. It was a very endearing gesture, a sweet surprise that was certainly paying off. 

“Well then, I love it” now it was Jiseok's time to surprise Jooyeon with a kiss, a little peck that caught him a bit off guard, “let's put out our picnic, shall we?”

The next fifteen minutes were spent in putting the blankets and food on the ground, careful to not step into anthills or other insects roaming there, but once they were done, Jiseok felt contentment bubbling on his chest: their spot was high enough to have a nice view of the field, patches of daisies and evergreen trees engulfed in shadows and moonlight, creating a beautiful picture. As Jooyeon had said, two cups made of plastic were pulled out from one of the bags, along with some spoons and another pair of forks, as well as the food. It was mostly sandwiches and fresh fruit, but the fluffiness of the bread, the savory flavor of the cheese and mayo, and the plumpness of the assortment of berries that floated on the bottle of handmade juice were enough for Jiseok to feel blissful. 

“I take back what I said in the car,” Jiseok said after munching the last of his third cheese slider, “take me with you, I need to eat your grandma's food for the rest of my life. I'll fight your grandpa if necessary.”

A piece of strawberry flew out of Jooyeon's mouth with how violent and abruptly he snorted, doubling on himself while his rambunctious laugh echoed on the place, prompting Jiseok to match him. It was so silly, just the two of them in the middle of god knows where, having a picnic at almost two am while laughing like lunatics at their own jokes. 

And yet, Jiseok wouldn't trade these moments for anything in the world. 

Silence fell comfortably over them once their laughing fit subsided, letting Jiseok get lost in thought while his eyes roamed the glittering sky, Milky Way barely visible, and only if he squinted enough. 

“Jiseok.”

He turned his head, meeting Jooyeon's soft gaze with his, allowing the other to take his hand and intertwine their fingers. Jooyeon's hand was cold, but only warmth seeped through the contact, warming Jiseok from head to toe. 

He hummed, prompting Jooyeon to keep talking. He had a feeling where this was going. 

“You know things have changed between us” Jooyeon started, licking his lips and avoiding Jiseok's eyes from time to time. He was nervous. “We're more than friends, but nothin’ else, and I- well, I was thinking if you- if you wanted to-”

“Yes, I want to be your boyfriend,” he interrupted Jooyeon, a teasing smile growing on his face as Jooyeon's cheeks and neck turned completely red, a mortified look replacing the previous nervousness. 

“Not fair! I practiced for two weeks on how to ask you!” Jooyeon whined, but Jiseok could see the way his shoulders relaxed, and a gleam of happiness in his eyes. 

“Oops,” Jiseok giggled, “better luck next tim-ah!”

Jiseok squealed as Jooyeon threw himself over him, sending him to his back, while starting to attack him with kisses along his face and neck, making him gasp and squirm. 

“Jooyeon, hah, stop!” Jiseok exclaimed in between giggling fits and sighs, not really trying to make him stop. A knowing heat started pooling on his belly once the kisses turned sloppier and deeper, especially along the column of his neck. “I swear, you're worse than a puppy.”

“Mhm, what's it, sugar?” mumbled Jooyeon, mouth just below Jiseok's pulse point, grazing the fragile skin with his teeth ever so slightly, making Jiseok gasp. 

“I hate you” was the only thing Jiseok could muster coherently, feeling his mind already getting blurry at the edges. 

“Well, I think this pretty body of yours has another opinion on it.”

Jiseok grumbled, the raspiness of Jooyeon's voice and his touch were like a flame, and his body, gasoline. However, before things escalated even more, Jooyeon stopped, kissing Jiseok’s cheek before getting off of him and laying by his side on the blanket, hugging him by the waist and staying still, a small smile pressed against Jiseok’s temple. 

“My boyfriend,” Jooyeon said a few minutes later, one of his hands searching for Jiseok's before intertwining their fingers, letting them rest on top of his belly, “my Jiseokie, mine .”

“Yours,” said Jiseok in response, love dripping from his tone like molasses, peachy and sugary sweet behind his teeth. “Always, always yours.”

X.

27 years old

Ever since he was a kid, Jiseok never liked his birthday that much. 

It wasn't like he developed an aversion to the date, but more like he never actually cared about it. He was grateful that his family and friends congratulated him every year without fail, and while gifts were nice, they weren't a deal breaker in any regard. 

His friends and boyfriend knew that so, of course, they always made sure to pamper him even more every time the date came around. And this time was no different. 

He was awoken by a sweet cinnamony scent he knew all too well, making him sigh fondly. That only could mean one thing. 

Taking his time in the bathroom to wash his face and teeth, Jiseok walked into the kitchen to find his friends sans Seungmin already putting the table and food, the latter busy flipping the last of the buttermilk cinnamon pancakes he made every year for Jiseok's birthday ever since they were fourteen. His boyfriend, bless his heart, was practically asleep on his feet, being guided by Jungsu so as not to drop or spill anything on the floor. His commitment was endearing to see. 

“Smells amazing,” Jiseok said while stepping through the threshold. Five heads turned to watch him, leaving him barely a second to breathe as he was immediately surrounded by two pairs of arms, as well as a hand that ruffled his already messy hair. 

“Jiseokie, happy birthday~” cooed Jungsu, holding Jiseok close to his chest like he was a teddy bear, squeezing so hard Jiseok swore something on his back popped. 

“Happy birthday, Jiseok-ah,” said Gunil as well, already trying to peel his enthusiastic husband from him. “Su, baby, let him go, you're suffocating him.”

Jungsu pouted but released him without complaints, moving on to fill the glasses with freshly made orange juice. 

“Mornin’, gorgeous” Jooyeon's hold on him was gentler than Jungsu's, but way more intimate, his presence more than enough to tempt Jiseok into falling asleep again. “Happy birthday.” 

“Morning” he yawned, rubbing his face against his boyfriend’s shoulder, like a cat asking for attention. 

But of course, with his friends there, it didn't last long. 

“Hey, lovebirds!” called Hyeongjun from behind, shattering their little bubble and earning an annoyed glance from Jooyeon, “breakfast’s ready, come eat before you make me nauseous.” 

Plating the last batch of pancakes, Seungmin sat next to his husband, trying and failing to shoot a warning glance at him, given that he himself was grinning, fondly exasperated. Jiseok couldn't help but giggle, too. Pleased with both his husband and close friend’s reaction, Hyeongjun grinned back. 

Once Jiseok took a seat the food started circulating along the six pairs of hands and hungry mouths. As always, the topics of their conversations went from hearing Seungmin complain about particularly rude patients, to Jiseok and Jooyeon's students, to office gossip Jungsu heard after visiting Gunil’s workplace, making the group laugh and joke, inevitably reminiscing of their own times as students. 

“So, what are the plans today?” asked Jiseok once the plates and cutlery were washed and the table was empty sans their coffee cups, still half full with caffeine and sugar. 

Hyeongjun shrugged, “we were thinking about the newest Sanrio-themed amusement park. It's also close to a buffet place so we can have lunch there.”

“Nillie and I have eaten there, the food’s delicious,” Jungsu added, “plus, if you say it's your birthday and bring your ID you get free dessert and a drink.”

“It's also a five-minute walk to the beach,” said Seungmin at last, gulping the last of his coffee before standing, a knowing smile on his lips. 

“When are we leaving?” joked Jiseok, although a big smile was blooming on his lips. He loved to go to the beach, not so much to swim but to walk on the sand, delighting in the way the waves uncovered and washed away all sorts of marine debris and small treasures, from seashells to algae and even sea crystal, he felt at peace there. 

“I don't get it,” Hyeongjun asked him once, “you get sunburnt so easily and always complain about the sand sticking to your feet. How do you say that yet claim you like the beach?”

He remembers taking his time, pondering his words before replying:

“I can always apply more sunscreen and wash the sand from me, but nothing can compare to the feeling I have every time I watch the sea. There's peace in its chaos, always moving, never resting, and filled with life in all shapes and forms. It's so vast, so old, I can't help but feel insignificant in its presence.”

Hyeongjun arched his brow. 

“And that's good because…?”

“Because, on a realistic scale, I am but a single drop of water. It may look like nothing, but it's precisely that way of how the sea is built: I have a purpose, I have a place, and so is everyone else in the big picture. In the same way no drop of water goes to waste nor it's useless in the sea, no one is a mistake in the grand scheme of life. Everyone has a reason, even when we fail to understand it.”

That conversation ended there, but Jiseok could tell his friend kept thinking about it for a while. 

“Patience, Ji, it's barely half past ten.”

“So?” he whined, “It's my birthday. Aren't you supposed to spoil me today?”

Making the ultimate puppy eyes he could muster, Jiseok turned to Gunil, pouting like he was a child. He knew how much of a soft spot the older had towards him. 

“Hyung, can we go now, please, please, pleaseee? ”

Gunil gulped, casting a glance at his husband in a silent attempt to get his help. But Jungsu wasn't paying attention to him. Instead, he was more focused on taking pictures of Jiseok, a look of endearment in his eyes, like a mother recording her children's first steps. 

Watching the chaos unfold, Jooyeon decided to join Jiseok, their combined voices turning into a cacophony of pleas and childish whines.

“Jesus Christ,” Hyeongjun downed his coffee in a go, joining Seungmin in cleaning the kitchen, “you two are worse than children.”

And it seemed like Gunil agreed with the statement, because not even ten seconds later he was caving in to Jiseok's wishes. 

“Fine, fine,” his voice was tired, like a father's, “we leave in one hour, okay?”

Jiseok and Jooyeon cheered, high-fiving the other and standing up in unison to hug the older. 

“Thank you!”

As promised, the group left Jiseok and Jooyeon's apartment at half past eleven, Seungmin making sure they had brought hats and sunscreen with them, as well as water bottles. He even went as far as to leave the apartment to go to the pharmacy a block away to buy some electrolytes, much to Jiseok’s amusement. 

By some miracle, the ride to the park was quick, and the purchase of the tickets even quicker, and so by noon Jiseok already found himself inside the place, jumping and trotting along the attractions while dragging along an equally excited Jooyeon, the rest of their friends a couple of steps behind. 

“Jiseok, be careful!” Seungmin scolded him when Jiseok almost ran over a child for the third time. 

“Sorry, mom!” he giggled, making Seungmin sigh. Jooyeon, next to him, was grinning like a fool. 

Almost four hours and a half passed in a blur of adrenaline, screams and Hello Kitty-shaped cotton candy. Aside from the shooting stands where they tried their luck to win some prizes— Seungmin won a Mocha plushie for Hyeongjun while Jooyeon got a Chococat one for Jiseok, making him blush— they went to the go-karts, the roller coaster, the mirror house, and even to the Viking, the pictures of that last one even more funny considering Jiseok blacked out twice, half of them showing him unconscious with Hyeongjun and Gunil laughing next to him. 

By four-forty they were seated and checking the drinks menu of the restaurant mentioned earlier by his friends. The variety of both alcoholic and soft drinks was impressive, but since they hadn't decided who was going to drive back, they simply resorted to ordering non-alcoholic beers. 

"Right, today's his birthday" mentioned Jungsu to the waitress once they finished their order, patting Jiseok on the back. 

The woman smiled with a nod once Jiseok showed her his ID.

The food, as promised by Jungsu, was to die for, the meat tender and well seasoned, the side dishes a perfect balance between fermented and fresh, a feast of sweet and savory that made Jiseok's knees weak. 

Just as Jiseok was sure his stomach was about to burst after finishing his fifth plate of food, a slice of strawberry shortcake was put in front of him by the same waitress from before, a small candle lit on top of it. 

One happy birthday song, two hundred photos and another round of beers later, the group exited the place, walking comfortably in pairs towards the beach, talking in between them. 

Discreetly, Jiseok extended his hand towards Jooyeon, smiling timidly when the mentioned intertwined his fingers. 

"Happy birthday, gorgeous."

Jiseok snorted. 

"You already said it earlier."

"I don't care," Jooyeon kissed his cheek. "Today's your day and I'll make sure you remember it."

Casting a side glance, Jiseok huffed softly, admiring how the direct sunlight painted Jooyeon's exposed skin in reds and oranges, perfect, delicate strokes along the expanse of his greek god-like features. 

How was Jiseok lucky enough to make a man like Jooyeon fall in love with him? 

They arrived at the beach before he had the chance to keep examining that line of thought. 

The absence of wind and lack of people in the water allowed it to be as calm as possible, strands of salt water licking the sand in languid, hypnotizing movements, carrying shells and small crabs within the foam. 

Rivulets of cerulean and white from the sea fused with the dying sunset, creating a mesmerizing view that made Jiseok gasp. Without thinking too much he removed his shoes and socks, allowing the barely warmed sand and cold water to soak his toes, ignoring the mid-January chilling temperatures. 

At some point he left Jooyeon and his friends behind, letting their chatter fade into the background as he spent the next couple of minutes gently removing the sand, making a sound of excitement when he found a conch, completely intact and in the prettiest shade of yellow, so light it was almost imperceptible. 

He turned, euphoric to show his friends and boyfriend his little discovery. 

“Joo, look what I found-!”

He stopped in his tracks once he processed what was happening: everyone but Jooyeon was nowhere to be seen, his boyfriend less than a meter behind from where he himself was standing, looking at Jiseok with so much intensity he felt his breath hitch. 

“Jooyeon? Did something happen?”

As if waking from a dream, Jooyeon blinked, a sheepish smile on his lips that didn't last long. 

“Nothing, nothing, just…” some seconds passed and Jooyeon groaned in frustration, ruffling his hair before taking a deep breath, leaving Jiseok more confused than before. “Jiseok-ah.”

Crossing the already brief distance in between them, Jooyeon took both of Jiseok's hands, careful to not let him drop the conch. 

“Jiseok,” Jooyeon repeated his name, “there's just so many ways I can tell you how much you mean to me, how much I love you, and yet, words have never been my strength. Because of it, I'm sometimes afraid you forget that you’re my world, the only one I've ever wanted this much, the reason I strive to be the better version of myself everyday, even if you tell me that's statistically impossible. I know, okay? But for you, I'm willin’ to try as much as necessary. And I want to do it with you by my side, every step of the way.”

Then, before Jiseok could even say anything— and he couldn't, giving that he was more occupied crying, the reality of what was happening sinking into him— Jooyeon kneeled, taking a small, velvety box from his jeans and opening it up, revealing a delicate but simple piece of jewelry, carved in white gold, so pure it shone the brightest under the last golden hues of the twilight. 

"Kwak Jiseok, my best friend, my partner in crime, my other half, would you marry me?" 

Jooyeon barely had the time to finish talking when Jiseok was all over him, nodding and sobbing. 

“Yes, yes I do” Jiseok mustered, already a flushed mess when Jooyeon put the ring on his finger, kissing his knuckles and later his lips, a winning smile illuminating his face. 

It was the best birthday ever. 

XI.

28 years old

The ceremony was about to start in 45 minutes, and Jiseok was on the verge of losing his nerves. 

The AC was turned on as cool as possible, yet Jiseok felt his palms get sweaty with each minute passing by, the hummingbird on his chest buzzing with a mix of excitement and anxiety, strong enough to reverberate through his whole body. 

"Relax, Ji," said Jungsu to him, blush and brush in hand, giving Jiseok the final touches to his makeup, "we already checked everything thrice. Food and drinks are settled on the designated stations, almost all the guests are already here, and I just texted Seungmin and he told me Jooyeon is ready, too."

"He said that?" Jiseok asked a bit skeptical, knowing his friend almost like the back of his hand, sassiness and all. 

"Well, he technically said that Jooyeon looked like he was about to throw up, and that Hyeongjun threatened him to kick his ass if he dared to puke on his tuxedo."

That made Jiseok grin. That was the Seungmin he knew. 

"Yeah, sounds like him."

"See? You're not the only one nervous, then" reasoned Jungsu, applying the last of the peachy blush all over Jiseok’s cheeks. 

"I know, I know," Jiseok gulped, resisting the urge to mess with his hair lest he wanted to be reprimanded by his friend, "but it's not that, Hyung. I'm terrified even when I know I have no reason to."

"Still," this time it was Gunil who spoke, sitting on the bed and finishing tying the knot on Jiseok's tie, a pretty shade of ivory that blended beautifully with his white suit. "it's just Jooyeon, Ji, and you guys told me you've known each other since childhood. There's nothing that can happen today that would stop that man from marrying you. He loves you that much."

Jiseok felt his eyes watering against his will, biting the inside of his cheek in an attempt to not chew on his lips and potentially ruin his makeup. 

"You think so?" 

"We know it, Jiseok" Jungsu said with finality, starting to pack all the beauty items that covered the vanity. From brushes to combs and eye mascara, the room smelled like hairspray and perfume, a flowery scent that was making Jiseok a bit dizzy. "And you do it, too. I swear to god, you could walk the aisle dressed in old pajamas and the worst bed hair ever and he would still find you the most gorgeous man in the whole world."

Blinking fast to keep the tears at bay, Jiseok smiled at his friends, showcasing as much gratitude as he could for helping him and Jooyeon to plan their wedding. 

Unlike them, who traveled to other countries to get legally married, this ceremony was completely symbolic in nature, a tribute to all their years being next to each other, first as friends, and then as something more. As such, it was even more private than Seungmin and Hyeongjun’s wedding in Thailand, and not even in a renowned fancy place, like Jungsu and Gunil's. 

Instead, they were in Jeju, in one of the many properties the Goo family had under their belt: a beautiful vacation house with a private beach, a big garden and an even bigger interior, perfect to accommodate the less than forty guests they invited in total. It had been Gunil's heirloom passed from his granddad to his dad and then to him when he tied the knot, and who didn't think twice before offering it to the couple when they expressed their desire to get married by the sea before they could even say anything else. The drinks were Jungsu's one of many gifts, and all the food was cooked by both the groom's mothers and grandmothers. 

As a result, the whole event felt even more special, which didn't help Jiseok's case at all. Because even if they said the opposite, Jiseok couldn't stand the idea of ruining all the effort his friends and family put into helping them out. 

The feeling of something circling his neck caught him off guard. 

"You know, I also felt the same way the day I married Jungsu" Gunil's voice was low and comforting, although his eyes were focused on his chest, where he was adjusting Jiseok's tie. "Being the heir of a big company, my wedding was something inevitable, planned to perfection by my mother and grandmother the moment I was born."

Finishing straightening the soft clothing, Gunil took a step back, his droopy eyes showcasing a fatherly type of reassurance Jiseok didn't realize he needed until that moment. He also noticed that Jungsu was not in the room anymore, probably running outside to check one last time that everything was ready for when the ceremony started. 

"As you can imagine, me coming out as gay was not on their plans. It was a nightmare, actually" the older man chuckled, mind wandering to the past for a brief moment before focusing again on Jiseok, "and so, even when they let me have my way and marry Jungsu, I was completely terrified of screwing things up, to disappoint not only my family but also him. And yet, the moment I entered the room and saw him there, waiting for me at the altar, looking at me like I was the only person in the whole place, I realized that all my fears were nothing. There's so much love in between me and him, things like doubt have no space to bloom."

Gunil's hand was smaller and rougher than Jooyeon's, but as warm and firm as Jiseok imagined when the older gave his' a reassuring squeeze. 

"What I'm trying to say is, no matter how much you think something bad's gonna happen, the moment you two see each other out there, ready to say yes to a life together, nothing else would be important anymore."

Swallowing all the tears back, Jiseok attempted to smile without choking. 

"Promise?" 

"Promise."

Someone knocked on the door, signaling the end of the moment. 

"Jiseok-ah," it was Jooyeon's aunt, which could only mean something, "it's time."

"Coming!" he exclaimed, taking a deep breath to compose himself, accepting Gunil's arm. 

"Ready?" 

He nodded. "As much as I can."

All eyes were on him the moment he stepped out of the house, a path of white petals mixing with the sand, reflecting all the golden and red hues of the evening sun and matching the flowers of his bouquet, white and pink asters and roses and geraniums, baby's breath the perfect finishing touch. 

The sand was warm under his feet, a slightly uncomfortable sensation that distracted him long enough until the altar, a simple arch made of mahogany wood, placed in the sand, was within his view. There, under the blooming flowers and the dying sunlight, was the man of his dreams, the love of his life, looking at him in utter awe, eyes filled with tears and the biggest smile Jiseok's ever seen on him. 

Just as Gunil said, as soon as both of their gazes met, it was as if anything else vanished completely. Time slowed down, the world went quiet, and Jiseok finally allowed the tears to fall, just in time for him to end up face to face with Jooyeon while holding hands, Gunil letting go of him to take his place as one of his groomsmen, his brother and Jungsu the other ones. 

On their left, placed in the middle and facing the guests was a middle-aged man, dressed head to toe in beige and holding what looked like a Bible. It was Hyeongjun’s father, a man who had known them ever since they were kids, and who also officiated at the wedding of his own son. He was looking at them with a mix of pride and fondness, smiling softly, making Jiseok feel more at ease. 

However, most of Jiseok's attention was focused somewhere else, his eyes keeping on wandering back to the man in front of him, on his black tuxedo and long dark hair styled in a braided half ponytail, thin lines of golden thread peaking through the black. 

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” the voice of Mr. Han was clear and light, cutting through the soft murmurs of conversation between the guests, “today, we are here, reunited, to be witnesses of the union of two souls in love…”

For the next couple of minutes, Mr. Han talked about Jiseok and Jooyeon, how he'd known them for more than fifteen years, and even how when he was told they were together, he had exclaimed how it was ‘about time!’ making everyone in there laugh. 

“And now,” he continued, looking again at them, “it's time for the grooms to say their vows.”

Jiseok's heartbeat quickened again, his palms starting to sweat profusely. Sensing his distress, Jooyeon squeezed his hands one, two, three times, before he started to speak. 

“Once, when I was younger and before I moved to Seoul” he started, “I asked my mom how it felt to fall in love. I remember her smiling down at me, recalling the day she met my dad. She described the moment they crossed paths as if the world had stopped, and fireworks had ignited inside of her. She said it felt fizzy, messy, and chaotic, but at the same time, she just knew he was her special person. I remember nodding solemnly, even if at the time I had no idea what ‘fizzy’ meant and took the fireworks part a little bit too literally. Thank you for traumatizing me, mom.”

That prompted Jiseok, as well as Mr. and Ms. Lee, to laugh, while Jooyeon chuckled. 

“For years, I believed love felt like that,” Jooyeon continued after a pause to sober up, “and then I met you, and you proved me wrong. It didn't feel fizzy, messy, or chaotic at all. It was… peaceful, comfortable, innocent. Like comin’ home after a long day, like fallin’ asleep while it's rainin’ outside, like wakin’ up with the gentlest sunlight peakin’ through the curtains. It was as if somethin’ inside of me simply clicked back into place, a missin’ piece I never knew wasn't there.”

He paused momentarily to stop himself from tearing up, which only made Jiseok cry even more, his heart so full of adoration for Jooyeon it was heavy. It was burning him from the inside and he loved it. 

“Jiseok-ah, I've known you for so long, I can barely remember what it felt to not have you by my side. You're my other half, the best part of me, and I want to be the same for you, too. I want to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life and for your pretty face to be the first thing I see when I open my eyes. I want to be the place where you can rest when you feel you can't stand by yourself anymore. I want to be your forever companion, your biggest supporter, the one that belongs to you in both body and soul. The one that's only yours .”

Jiseok's niece, a six-year-old dressed in pink and holding a small velvety pillow with the wedding bands, came from her place at the front, her mother helping her briefly before setting her off. 

Giving the little girl a bright smile, Jooyeon took one of the rings and proceeded to slide it onto Jiseok's left annular finger. 

“This ring is the ultimate proof of my love for you. With it, I hope you always remember that, no matter what anyone says, you're the owner of my heart, forever and always. I love you.” he finished. 

Jiseok gulped, knowing it was his turn now to say his vows. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before opening them again, focusing solely on Jooyeon’s face, letting the rest of the world fall mute to his ears. 

“Throughout my life, something I’ve always loved to do is to question everything around me, and like everyone else, I’ve found myself with unanswered questions, questions that leave me without sleep, sometimes even for days.”

He stopped, words momentarily leaving him breathless as emotion threatened to suffocate him. He felt Jooyeon squeezing his hands, and his thumbs caressing the backs of it. 

“But,” he continued, “if you were to ask me what is it that you remind me most of, what is it that no matter how many times I see, will always remind me of you, there's only one thing that comes to my mind: the sun. That's what you are to me, Jooyeon. You’re the light that brightens my days, the warmth that floods me from head to toe when I’m by your side, the fire in my veins that consumes me completely every single time you touch me. You’re my source of life, indispensable in every way. My safe place, able to pry me open like it's nothing. The only one who ever managed to make me fall in love without even trying. I know that life's unpredictable, but if there's one thing I’m completely sure of, it's that my heart will never stop loving you, and my soul will never stop longing for you. I’ve always belonged to you, Lee Jooyeon, and I’ll belong to you until my last breath. This ring is my faithful promise, a guarantee that, no matter what happens, there will never be anyone else but you. I love you, too.”

The ring fitted perfectly on Jooyeon’s finger, strong in its meaning against its fragile appearance. Together, their bands glowed, shining red like a brand tinted in the color of their love. 

Mr. Han’s voice sounded crystal clear, if not a little emotional, too. 

“Lee Jooyeon, do you accept Kwak Jiseok as your husband, in both good and bad times, in health and disease, ‘til death do you part?”

“I do.”

“Kwak Jiseok, do you accept Lee Jooyeon as your husband, in both good and bad times, in health and disease, ‘til death do you part?”

Twilight sky shone purple and blue, but Jiseok felt yellow. 

“I do.”

“Then, by the power and grace that were conferred upon me today, I declare you husbands. You can kiss now.”

Until Jooyeon kissed him, and like Icarus, he felt himself melting under the touch of the sun. 

EPILOGUE.

32 years old

A huff of exhaustion left Jiseok's mouth as soon as he opened the door. 

“I'm home,” he said in a tired tone, just loud enough for Jooyeon to hear him from the kitchen, if the sound of running water and silverware being put away was any sort of indication of his location. Leaving his work bag by the door and his shoes on the rack, Jiseok walked slowly towards where his husband was. As he predicted, Jooyeon was washing some plates, probably from last night's dinner. Jiseok was thankful Jooyeon's new job as a football coach at an athletic club allowed him to work less hours and be home earlier, since it meant there was someone at home almost every day, waiting for Jiseok with a hot plate of food, a loving kiss and a 'welcome home', ready to swipe off all his stress with just a few reassuring touches. Like at that moment. 

“Welcome home, sugar” answered Jooyeon once Jiseok was next to him, kissing his cheek and hastily drying his hands with a cotton rag before hugging him, knowing perfectly how Jiseok needed some time to recharge after a long day. Which was certainly true, given how quickly Jiseok deflated once Jooyeon's arms were holding him, all the stress of the day melting away. “Tired much?”

Jiseok only sighed as a response. 

Being recently promoted to vice-president of the school he worked as a teacher was tiring, so much paperwork to do and calls to make that overwhelmed Jiseok to no end. The hours at the office were longer, but at least the salary was higher, which was reflected in the shape of their latest purchase. 

After so many years living together in a small apartment, Jiseok and Jooyeon decided it was time to take their next step as a couple: to get a house, a home to call their own. And so, with the help of their parents and friends, they found the perfect seller in no time: an old lady in her late seventies who put her house up for sale after the passing of her husband, who was more than happy to sell it to them.

The place was gorgeous, a bungalow-inspired-like house, with big windows and an even bigger backyard, where some flowery pots enjoyed the sunlight provided naturally. Despite its years, the house was well-kept, a sign of love and care provided by its late owners. 

“I was hoping for a young couple to make me an offer,” she had said after both of them had signed all the legal paperwork needed to complete the purchase process, “I know this place probably suits a family better, but as long as it's in good hands, I don't mind at all. All couples deserve the opportunity to build a home, regardless of their gender and status.”

She then smiled while giving them the keys, a cute cat keychain hanging from it. That was six months ago, but Jiseok still thought about it from time to time. He hoped she was having a good life, wherever she was. 

Scanning his surroundings while still being in Jooyeon's arms, Jiseok allowed a small smile to creep to his cheeks, his eyes going from the high ceilings to the picture-covered walls, which were painted in the softest shade of yellow, creating a stark contrast against the pinewood furniture and blending harmoniously with the champagne colored sofas. Splashes of color popped here and there with the cushions and small decorative statues, as well as all the framed photos placed on the shelves. 

It was also a bit far from downtown, but the location provided a level of quietness that their old place lacked, which worked wonders for Jiseok, who needed silence for both his work and relaxing time alike. I also helped that most of their neighbors were older people, which meant that by eight the streets were silent, and communal lunches were held every Sunday after church. 

“...th to Jiseok. Earth to Jiseok.”

“Huh?” Jiseok belatedly realized Jooyeon was talking to him. Jooyeon chuckled, placing a kiss on his forehead. 

“I was trynna askin’ if you wanted to eat before takin’ a shower or after,” a hand was placed on his face, Jooyeon's fingers tracing the shape of his brow bone and eye. “There's some fried rice from yesterday, I can make you an omelet with it if you like.”

“Shower first” Jiseok patted Jooyeon's bum before letting go of him, starting to loosen his tie. 

“I'll make you lunch, then,” Jooyeon walked to the fridge, opening out and taking the rice and a couple of eggs. 

Jiseok made the feint to go to their bedroom, when Jooyeon's voice stopped him again. 

“Can you bring me my phone from the room, sugar?” he asked with his back facing Jiseok. “Think I forgot it in bed.”

“Sure.”

The walk to their shared bedroom took him less than a minute. He was just beginning to internally debate whether to use the bath salts, when upon opening the bed door a small lump on the bed made him stop in his tracks.

Short, black and white curly fur covering a tiny, sleepy four-legged thing, who upon hearing him lifted its head, revealing a doll-like face with a button nose and floppy ears. The thing bowed its head, looking at Jiseok with curiosity. 

Jiseok didn't think before crossing the threshold and held the puppy close to his body, limbs trembling with barely contained excitement, a lump forming in his throat. 

“Her name's Oreo,” Jooyeon's voice came from the door, making him turn in a swift motion, eyes big and filled with questions as much as tears. "'ll pick up her collar tomorrow. Pink with a heart-shaped tag, perfect for a princess like her."

"Oreo...?" was the only thing Jiseok could get from Jooyeon's words, making his mind spin. "Like... Like-" 

"Like the dog you told me you wanted when you were a kid," Jooyeon confirmed, his eyes soft and tender, only for him. "Told me once, remember?" 

"Yes, when we were, like, thirteen!" Jiseok exclaimed, muttering a soft apology to the puppy when she yelped at the volume of his voice. 

Jooyeon shrugged, his ears turning red. 

"Today's the 20th anniversary of us becoming friends. Now that we have money, time and space, I thought 'why not?'. Wanted to surprise you, that's all."

"Want to...-" Jiseok was speechless, his gaze jumping from the dog on his arms and his husband's face, all nervous but never stopped looking at him. 

How could Jooyeon recall Jiseok's silly anecdote? About Jiseok wanting a puppy with black and white fur so bad that he could name it like his favorite cookies at the time, yet he couldn't due to his mother's allergy? Even worse, how could he even remember the exact day they met all those years ago? Jiseok only knew the month, if only because it aligned with their first year of middle school. 

How?  

How was Jiseok so lucky to have found such an amazing man, someone who seemed to know him like the back of his hand? 

The puppy squealed in protest, getting squeezed between Jiseok and Jooyeon as the former threw himself into his husband's arms, hugging him as tightly as he could, thick tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I love you so much" Jiseok sobbed wholeheartedly, his whole frame trembling with the force of it. "I swear to god, I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you."

"Nothin'," Jooyeon held him just as tight, speaking directly into Jiseok's ear, one of his hands roaming through his hair in a comforting manner, "your mere existence is enough for me, haven't I told you? You're mine and I'm yours, forever."

"Still-" 

"Forever" Jooyeon repeated, separating just enough to kiss Jiseok on the lips, locking gazes again, trying to convey all the love he had for him. "Not even death would stop me from lovin' you."

"That's not how it works."

"Then I'll make it happen."

Jiseok snorted, face wet and pink but with a grin adorning his lips. 

"You're an idiot."

"Yours."

"Yeah," Jiseok conceded, " mine ."

Now it was Jooyeon's turn to smile, the gesture almost too big for his face. And like all those years ago, Jiseok could have sworn, if for a second, that the sun lived in Jooyeon's smile. 

Maybe it did.