Archive of Our Own

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denny’s grand slam: wait hold on i’ve thought of smth funny 

denny’s grand slam changed jimothy ’s nickname to mr meowjo risin !

mr meowjo risin: i have Complaints 

denny’s grand slam: this is revenge for my nickname

mr meowjo risin: then change your own???? at least yours makes /sense/ 

denny’s grand slam: act like a cat get named like a cat

mr meowjo risin: that makes less sense

xray tech: its like three am 

both of you go to sleep 

denny’s grand slam: hey you’re also awake 

mr meowjo risin: pot meet kettle 

actually i wanna smoke ray you want some?

xray tech: i was doing my homework like a decent person

yeah sure but you’re going to sleep right after 

also for the record john’s right you act like a cat 

mr meowjo risin: i do not >:( 

xray tech: you do 

denny’s grand slam: you do 

aquadude: you do 

denny’s grand slam: you woke up robby to agree with us

aquadude: oh i was already up lol

xray tech: okay that’s it bedtime for everyone!!!!

aquadude changed xray tech ’s nickname to mommond !

mommond: robby 

i’m saying this w so much affection 

but this is the weakest pun any of you have ever made with my name 

mr meowjo risin changed mommond ’s nickname to mommy !

mommy: WORSE 

denny’s grand slam: oh yay it’s kinkshaming jim hours! my favorite time :-)

mr meowjo risin: HOW DO YOU SEE MOMMY AND THINK KINK?

might be kinkshaming john hours

denny’s grand slam: well a) you have mommy AND daddy issues out the wazoo so you having a mommy/daddy kink makes sense. b) your very obvious crush on him lol

mr meowjo risin: i don’t have a fucking crush on him asshole

denny’s grand slam: yes you do 

mr meowjo risin: do not 

denny’s grand slam: do too!

mr meowjo risin: do not! 

denny’s grand slam: do too!!!!!

aquadude: hard agree w john but i’ve been infected w the sleepy tired so goodnight 

mr meowjo risin: night man 

anyway I DO NOT 

denny’s grand slam: hmmmm why are you so defensive 

mr meowjo risin: fuck you i’m going to sleep 

denny’s grand slam: night!!!!! :-) 

mr meowjo risin: fuck you >:(

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mr meowjo risin: can somebody do me a favor and kill me?

denny’s grand slam: can’t i’m at work 

mommy: no one is dying today 

and i doubt whatever it is is that serious 

also can somebody please change my name 

mr meowjo risin changed mommy ’s nickname to sunshine !

mr meowjo risin : can you kill me now? 

sunshine: no dying

mind sharing with the class? 

mr meowjo risin: this bitch

first she raises a huge deal about how she got an iced coffee like she ordered but she really wanted hot and somehow thought that was implied? 

dumb as hell but i figured she’d be gone after her coffee BUT I WAS WRONG

denny’s grand slam: so you’re annoyed some karen is in the coffee shop

i think you need to chill

mr meowjo risin: NO SHE DECIDES TO SIT RIGHT. NEXT, TO. ME. 

OUT OF ALL THE EMPTY TABLES 

AND SHE TRIES TO HIT ON ME AND KEEPS SCREECHING IN MY EAR WHEN I TRY TO IGNORE HER

I JUST WANTED TO WORK SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN MY ROOM WHY DO I NEED TO BE STUCK W A BITCH WHO CANT TAKE A NO

denny’s grand slam: yikes 

my boss is out if you wanna chill in the backroom? 

heads up tho i’m in charge of picking the music today

mr meowjo risin: yeah i think i might do that 

oh good i know what to expect

aquadude: lmao ray had come to bother me at work before his shift and hes fucking red 

denny’s grand slam: really? never pegged him as the jealous type 

sunshine: I’m not jealous 

aquadude: on the contrary!!! you practically have steam coming out of your ears 

and you only use proper capitalization when you’re actually pissed 

denny’s grand slam: i’ll believe you for now 

sunshine: thank you, john

you’re actually reasonable 

denny’s grand slam: i mean, it would just be ridiculous to be jealous of someone hitting on you crush when you haven’t even made a move yet

right? 

sunshine: okay you can shut up now 

denny’s grand slam: :-) 

anyways brb customers and i think jim’s here

aquadude: he’s got a point yk 

sunshine: oh not you too 

aquadude: yes me too 

you literally give him heart eyes 

sunshine: i look at him normally because hes my FRIEND okay i was pissed someone was harassing my FRIEND thats all there is to it we’re very good friends and i was upset for him there’s nothing more to it and maybe you are projecting? 

aquadude: wow that’s a run on sentence

go off mr dickens

but man you’re funny when you’re defensive 

sunshine: ????

why would you pick charles dickens of all people 

aquadude: he literally started a novel with a run on sentence 

tale of two cities. or great expectations? 

whichever one has that “it was the best of times it was the worst of times” thing 

sunshine: it was from a tale of two cities 

also 

if anyone in in literature is known for run on sentences, it’s victor hugo

a man literally died once trying to read one of his run on sentences during a dramatic reading of les mis because he couldn’t breathe 

aquadude: morbid 

but you’re deflecting 

sunshine: i just got to work i gotta go clock in goodbye

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denny’s grand slam: hey can i ask two really weird questions? 

mr meowjo risin: well every question you ask is weird  

denny’s grand slam: shut up

why is it when someone actually flirts with me they’re so weird? 

mr meowjo risin: weird attracts weird 

denny’s grand slam: question that is gonna explain why this is a different type of weird: 

do i give off the vibe that i have a piss kink?

mr meowjo risin: WHAT 

sunshine: you’re gonna have to elaborate on that one

denny’s grand slam: this dude opened with “you’re cute i wanna piss on you” and. well i dont want to give off the vibe im into that because it’s a hard no

sunshine: HE OPENED WITH PISS??????

denny’s grand slam: THEY OPENED WITH PISS. 

mr meowjo risin changed denny’s grand slam ’s nickname to piss vibes !  

piss vibes: jim i will kill myself in front of you

aquadude: if we wanna keep our sanity… maybe you dont have piss kink vibes and he just has a weird ownership fetish? 

piss vibes: OKAY BUT WHY WOULD YOU LEAD WITH THAT 

mr meowjo risin: wait where were you 

piss vibes: work! i literally just went “okay well my boss is calling me in the back bye” and skedaddled 

my boss wasn’t in but he doesnt need to know that 

mr meowjo risin: skedaddled 

well if it makes you feel better i hooked up w someone once who just pissed on me without warning lol

so 

at least you didn’t give off the vibe at the wrong moment?

piss vibes: I Beg Your Fucking Pardon 

mr meowjo risin: you know how it is lmao 

sunshine: no????? what the fuck???? 

that’s messed up???????

who was it 

mr meowjo risin: my dear ray i will not kiss and tell 

aquadude: but you will piss and tell?

mr meowjo risin: yes 

besides once we got over the Piss Incident they’re a pretty good fuck so

c’est la vie 

sunshine: no?????? 

piss vibes: very cool and incredibly concerning but i’m steering clear of piss man

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mr meowjo risin: question 

piss vibes: answer 

mr mewojo risin: silence twerp 

how do we feel about abandoned places 

piss vibes: TWERP??????

also that sounds like a good way to get ax murdered 

mr meowjo risin: pussy 

piss vibes: IS IT BULLY JOHN DAY???

mr meowjo risin: yes 

sunshine: jim. behave. 

can we think of an activity that is less dangerous (and illegal)

mr meowjo risin: it’s only illegal if you get caught 

also it’s haunted 

aquadude: oh hell yeah!

piss vibes: oh! that changes my answer completely!

mr meowjo risin: to what?

piss vibes: to ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE???? 

sunshine: boys 

behave 

piss vibes: I’M BEHAVING PERFECTLY NORMALLY FOR SOMEONE WITH HORROR MOVIE PROTAGONISTS AS FRIENDS 

mr meowjo risin: apparently a coven used to live there or some shit? sounds like total bullshit but it’s smth to do and it’s free 

sunshine: hm

and how pray tell do you know this? 

mr meowjo risin: got hired to do line editing for some book this dude is writing about supernatural shit in the area 

personally i think the premise and research are sketchy but he’s paying me pretty well and its just the grammar and formatting so 

do we wanna explore and steal some cool stuff 

sunshine: …we’re gonna need someone responsible aren’t we?

mr meowjo risin: that’s were you come in :) 

piss vibes: question: are you fucking stupid 

follow up question: why are you fucking stupid 

mr meowjo risin: why are you a coward? 

piss vibes: i hate you and if we get cursed i’m pointing the devil RIGHT at you 

mr meowjo risin: love ya too johnny 

we’re all free saturday night, right?