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Atsushi Nakajima had never felt more out of place. Even after all this time with the Armed Detective Agency, the lingering shadow of self-doubt followed him like a curse. He sat quietly on the couch in the office, trying to focus on the novel he held, but the words blurred together as his mind spiraled into the familiar depths of insecurity.
Dazai Osamu, on the other hand, lounged in his chair near the window, feet propped up on the desk, gazing out at the city with an expression that could only be described as bored. But behind the lazy demeanor was a sharpness that missed nothing. He had been watching Atsushi for some time, his silence telling him more than words ever could.
“Say, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai began, breaking the stillness in the room, “what do you like about yourself?”
The question hit Atsushi like a punch to the gut. His immediate reaction was to laugh it off—surely, Dazai was joking. But when he glanced at the older man, there was no trace of mockery in his eyes. Dazai was serious.
“I… what?” Atsushi stammered, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I don’t know if there’s anything I like.”
Dazai’s smile was soft, almost sympathetic, as he adjusted his position in the chair. “That’s not true, Atsushi. Everyone has something they like about themselves. Even if it’s small. How about we start with something simple?”
Atsushi fidgeted, unsure of what to say. The idea of praising himself felt foreign, uncomfortable. “But… how can you like anything about yourself when you’ve been through so much… when you’ve done so much wrong?”
Dazai’s eyes softened. He could understand that feeling more than anyone—perhaps too well. But that was exactly why he had started this conversation. “We’ve all made mistakes,” he replied, his voice low but steady. “The things we’ve been through shape us, but they don’t define us. And it’s important to find the good, even in ourselves.”
Silence settled between them again. Dazai waited, patient, letting Atsushi grapple with his thoughts.
“I guess…” Atsushi finally began, hesitating, “if I had to choose something… maybe my eyes?”
Dazai raised an eyebrow, a small, encouraging smile playing on his lips. “Your eyes?”
“Yeah,” Atsushi said, his voice growing a little steadier. “People have told me they’re… kind, I guess. I don’t know if I see it, but… I try to help people. And maybe that’s reflected in my eyes.”
Dazai nodded, his smile widening slightly. “That’s a good start, Atsushi. You do have kind eyes. They show your compassion.”
Atsushi felt a warmth rise to his cheeks. It wasn’t much, but it was something. “What about you, Dazai-san? What do you like about yourself?”
Dazai chuckled softly, resting his chin in his hand. “Me? Oh, that’s easy.” He leaned back, pretending to think hard. “I quite like my smile.”
Atsushi blinked, surprised. “Your smile?”
“Mhm,” Dazai said, tilting his head. “I’ve been told it’s charming. And besides, I think smiles are important. Even when things are difficult, a smile can change the way you feel—or how others feel around you.”
Atsushi pondered that for a moment. Dazai’s smile was always present, even in the darkest of moments. It was something that confused him at times, but now he began to understand. It wasn’t just a mask—Dazai used his smile as a tool, a bridge to connect with others, even when he was struggling himself.
Atsushi smiled faintly. “I think your smile suits you. It’s… comforting.”
Dazai’s expression softened again, his usual teasing edge gone. “Thank you, Atsushi.”
Encouraged by the exchange, Atsushi sat up straighter. “What else?” he asked, starting to feel a little more at ease. “What else do you like about yourself?”
Dazai tapped his chin, clearly enjoying the question. “I’d say my style isn’t too bad, wouldn’t you agree?” he said with a wink, gesturing to his usual long coat and layered outfit.
Atsushi couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s definitely unique. I don’t think anyone else could pull it off like you do.”
“And what about you, Atsushi-kun?” Dazai prompted, his gaze warm. “What else do you like about yourself?”
Atsushi thought for a moment, considering the question more seriously now. “Maybe… my strength,” he said cautiously. “Not just physical strength, but… the strength to keep going. I’ve been through a lot, but I’m still here. And I think that’s something to be proud of.”
Dazai’s eyes gleamed with approval. “That’s a wonderful thing to like about yourself. You’ve endured so much, but you never gave up. That’s a strength not many people have.”
The praise from Dazai felt genuine, and Atsushi found himself smiling a little more. “Thank you, Dazai-san.”
The conversation flowed easier now, like the initial barriers of discomfort had been broken. They took turns exchanging compliments, sometimes playful, sometimes deeply personal. Atsushi found himself complimenting Dazai’s wit and intelligence, while Dazai praised Atsushi’s loyalty and courage.
With each exchange, Atsushi could feel something inside him shift—an unfamiliar but welcome sensation of self-acceptance. The exercise wasn’t just about listing things they liked about themselves; it was about acknowledging their worth and embracing the qualities that made them who they were.
As the conversation drew to a close, Atsushi felt lighter, as if a weight he had been carrying for far too long had been lifted. He glanced at Dazai, who was now reclining back in his chair again, looking out the window.
“Thank you, Dazai-san,” Atsushi said quietly. “For… helping me with this."
Dazai didn’t turn, but a small, genuine smile curved his lips. “No need to thank me, Atsushi. Self-acceptance is a long journey, but it’s easier when you’re not walking it alone.”
Atsushi’s heart swelled with warmth, and for the first time in a long time, he felt a flicker of peace. Maybe, just maybe, he was starting to believe in himself.
And with Dazai by his side, that belief only grew stronger.