Chapter Text
Jeremy didn’t want to go on the summer trip with his family. He knew it was a stupid place to put his foot down, and he knew that it made him sound spoiled, but it didn’t change the fact that he didn’t want to go. Most kids from Boston would kill to get to go spend five weeks on what was basically a beach, regardless of whether their family was there or not. And that was exactly the problem. His family wasn’t going to be there.
It’s not like he could really complain about it to his friends, either. They’d always shoot him bored glances, seeming mildly irritated by his lack of interest in something that sounded so fun.
“I mean, it’s been a couple years,” One of them had told him once, looking away as if already regretting what they were about to say, “you’ll find other people you get along with there. Isn’t basically everyone there your family?”
And Jeremy supposed that was true. Sure, his boring aunts and uncles who were there at every event, and had been going for what seemed like the past two hundred years would be there. But his older brothers wouldn’t be. Most of them were old enough that they didn’t really care about how interesting Jeremy’s summer was, choosing instead to stay in Boston and work, or stay with their stupid families, or do some other stupid shit they wouldn’t explain to him. He barely got along with most of them, but still. It sucked.
His brother Thomas had always gone, even though he was five years older than Jeremy. Technically, he could have stopped going the summer when he’d turned eighteen, and Jeremy was only thirteen. Thomas claimed he didn’t have anything better to do, but Jeremy caught him writing letters an awful lot, as if he’d had someone back home that he missed. So he’d probably been lying. At least he’d gone. Not like it mattered anymore.
Well, to be entirely fair, Jeremy had one brother going. Henry was seven years older than him, and at twenty four, he was the most successful out of the eight siblings. He’d graduated college with good grades and a large friend group, and he had a wife and a son to get back home to.
Jeremy genuinely had no idea why Thomas would sacrifice part of his summer to come to some stupid ass island where nothing fun ever happened. I mean, there wouldn’t even be an assassin game this year! Everything was going to suck, and even with Henry there, he was going to basically be alone without Thomas.
A pang of sorrow stabbed him in the gut, and he frowned, suddenly recalling that conversation with his friend. Even if it had pissed him off, maybe they’d had a point. He could make other friends. People used to say he was the most outgoing of his siblings, even if that seemed like a diplomatic replacement for ‘annoying’ sometimes. It couldn’t be that hard to be loud again. It used to come naturally to him, after all.
Jeremy glanced down at his lap and picked up his pencil, remembering the instructions from his art teacher. She’d told him to draw some things on the trip, specifically while they were driving. She wanted him to get better at capturing…he didn’t remember her exact words, but it was something about ‘the bigger picture.’ If you’re speeding past something, you don’t have the time to slow down and draw all the small details. You need to focus on the shape, the outline.
He sketched a few of the landmarks they were passing, wishing he’d remembered this task earlier. The pencil flew across the page as he tried to capture the things he was seeing. An old brick building right next to a stop sign, a lake with a log cabin near it, an ugly statue in the middle of a town. Some quiet part of him wished he had more time to sit down and truly draw everything despite his teachers instructions, and another louder part of him wished that he had his colored pencils. But he didn’t. Oh well.
The one upside of this whole stupid trip was that he’d have a lot of free time this summer. Since they hadn’t gone last year, he’d gotten a summer job in a diner. It was miserable and didn’t pay a lot, and he’d gotten in a lot of trouble after only a few weeks. That wasn’t fair, though. She yelled at him first. Whether or not it was his fault didn’t matter in the end. He was fired, and it was hard to find work for the rest of the summer. Nobody wanted to hire some kid from the poor side of Boston with a track record for getting in fights both inside and out of school.
Jeremy couldn’t bring himself to tell his Ma that he’d gotten fired, though. She was so proud of him for getting a job, and whenever Jeremy pictured the face she’d make after finding out…he just couldn’t. It was fine, though. See, he’d been giving about a quarter of his paychecks to her and hiding the rest under his mattress. So he just set aside some of the cash he’d been hiding for her. Whatever.
Ma coming home and seeing him wasn’t a problem, though. Most of his summer was spent running around town with the few friends he had. And the rest of his time was spent at track practice. All in all, that summer had been busy and miserable. But being busy was better than being idle. At least it kept his mind off of…certain things.
Jeremy found himself absentmindedly sketching, giving up on his summer assignment. He focused on it after a minute, as if he didn’t already know what he was creating. A picture of what he knew was going to be a bedroom, an overturned chair in the center. How could he draw anything else? That haunted his mind every time he closed his eyes.
All of a sudden, he felt sick. He slammed the sketchbook closed and practically threw his pencil onto the seat next to him, deciding that he needed a distraction, no matter what form it came in.
“Ma, how much longer do we have?” Jeremy asked, leaning forward in his seat. She glanced in the rearview mirror, then looked outside. They didn’t need road maps to make this drive anymore. As far as he could remember, she never had. Her family had been going on this vacation longer than he, or any of his brothers, had been alive.
“Twenty minutes 'till the ferry.” She answered. Jeremy sighed, leaning back. Every year at the welcome back dinner, there were many complaints from their other family members about how long their transit time was. So he was well aware that they had it easy, but come on, it was still a three hour drive. Plus, even after they were done with the car portion of the trip, they still had the ferry. That was always boring as fuck, and he got seasick easily.
The rest of the car ride was silent, punctuated only by the sound of Jeremy rolling down the window next to him and rolling it back up. And the sound of Henry telling him to knock it the fuck off.
Damn, he couldn’t do anything, could he? Fucking whatever. He watched as the trees rolled by and the landscape changed as they finally finished the longest part of the drive to their destination.
Jeremy’s Ma pulled into a parking spot, and handed him some money. “Once you get the tickets, come right back, understand?”
Both of them knew she hardly even needed to ask anymore. This had been the routine for as long as he could remember. It was hard to find a parking spot close up to the stand, and Jeremy liked running. So it was a win-win.
Jeremy nodded, shoving the door open and clambering out of the car. There was a big open stretch of grass leading up to the ticket office, and it looked the same as it had for years. It was almost comforting. Maybe it was a sign? Everything else in his life would change, but the ferry and the farm could remain the same.
For some reason, he always started out walking. Maybe because Thomas always did, then without a word, the two of them would break into a run, racing up to the front. Thomas always let him win.
He was getting a good stride, finally finding that familiar comfort in his feet hitting the grass when someone appeared in front of him.
Shit! Jeremy didn’t really have another option if he didn’t want to hit him.
He dove sideways, landing hard on his shoulder. It was normally easy to roll and stand back up when he did that, but he’d landed a lot harder this time.
After giving himself a second to catch his breath, he carefully stood up, and looked at the person he’d almost ran over.
The guy was still staring at him. He was wearing a hat and these weird sunglasses, and he had long-ish brown hair. He looked kind of dumb, but it wasn’t his fault that Jeremy had almost run into him.
“Uh, sorry.” He mumbled, kind of embarrassed, before he took off again. Honestly, he didn’t think that guy was gonna talk even if he’d given him a chance.
It was a short run to the ticket stand, and the line was thankfully shorter than it normally was. The ferry seemed to be getting more expensive every year, and if Ma had been there, she would have told him about how back when she was young, it had been so much cheaper. But whatever, it wasn’t Jeremy’s money. He paid and started on his way to the car.
As he walked, the memories of his former trips here came back. He tended to look around the lot for familiar faces, but this year most of them had taken the ferry the day before. Jeremy and his family would be late. But hey, at least they had a house guaranteed. There were supposed to be a lot more people attending this year than there usually were for some reason.
Well, not for some reason. There was going to be a memorial for Thomas.
Jeremy’s eyes locked on his Ma’s car, and he ran over to it, rapping on the window. She smiled at him as he pulled the door open, climbing into the backseat.
“I got the tickets,” Jeremy said, holding them out in between the front seats. Henry had finally woken up, and he snatched them, handing them to Ma. He glanced back at Jeremy, clearly intending to say something, but getting distracted by his appearance.
“The fuck did you do, roll around in mud?” He asked, looking him up and down. Jeremy looked down at his shirt, grimacing slightly as he realised he was covered in mud and grass stains.
“Hey, no! I was running. And I…fell. Into mud.” Jeremy didn’t want to mention the guy for some reason.
Henry laughed, throwing his head back in a way that was almost reminiscent of Thomas. The three youngest siblings didn’t have the same dad, but as they all got older, it became harder and harder to tell them apart.
There were a few ways to tell them apart, though.
Thomas had worn his hair long, Henry was a couple inches taller than both of them, and Jeremy allegedly had his father’s eyes.
Not that he’d know, since he’d never met the bastard.
He didn’t want to either. That man had left them, and Jeremy swore that he’d break his nose if he ever met him. His mom deserved better than that.
But Jeremy could swear that sometimes he walked into his house and his mother looked at him like she was seeing a ghost, her eyes going wide and her breath catching in her throat.
It wasn’t clear whether his resemblance to his brother or his father was the one that was upsetting to her.
Maybe it didn’t matter.
She pulled the car from the parking spot and navigated to one of the waiting lots.
This part was always so boring, it seemed like it took forever for the ferry to finally come. But after about an hour, they finally got onto the ferry.
Jeremy got out of the car, weaving through the rows of cars with a plan to make his way up to the top deck, where he’d hopefully be able to find a place to sit. He got seasick easily, and walking around the deck just made it worse, but he always felt like it was worth it after he found a seat and saw the view.
Even though the ship was crowded, the path to the stairs was practically muscle memory. He wasn’t a very polite person, but he found himself mumbling apologies to people he bumped into. The crowds cleared slightly as he climbed the stairs.
Jeremy stopped abruptly when he reached the first open space on the top deck. Are you fucking serious? This guy again ?
The man he’d almost ran over, the one with the hat, was standing at the railing, clutching it with both hands and staring out into space. So they were definitely going to the same general place. Huh. I mean, that didn’t mean they’d see each other. There were a lot of people in that area. But still…
Jeremy kind of wanted to go stand by him, maybe say hi. Before he could, someone clapped a hand down onto his shoulder and he jolted back into reality, turning to glare at his brother.
“Why’d you run off so fast?” Henry asked, grinning at the way Jeremy reacted.
“I wanted to get a good seat,” Jeremy answered, gesturing around at the chairs, which to be fair, were mostly empty. It was a good excuse. “C’mon.” He led the two of them over to a bench, sitting down.
He didn’t ask where their Ma was.
She normally stayed on the bottom deck and went through the collection of letters that she kept in the glovebox of the car. He was pretty sure she thought it was a secret, but as far as Jeremy knew, all of his siblings knew about it. There was just a silent agreement not to talk about it or go through it.
The eight of them rarely agreed on anything, but they all knew she’d been through enough, and she deserved that one bit of privacy.
Sitting on the top deck of the ship with Henry was…awkward.
Jeremy and Henry rarely spent time together, and neither of them seemed to know what to talk about.
With Thomas, things had seemed a lot more natural. They were closer in age, and they spent a lot more time together, so they knew how to talk to each other. Thomas was well aware that Jeremy liked talking more than him, and he’d let him lead the conversations.
But with Henry, it was like everything had gone all wrong.
That wasn’t entirely Henry’s fault, though. Jeremy was unusually quiet, his thoughts drifting off to track, then to running, then to how he’d almost run into that guy.
He didn’t realise he was watching him at first. The man seemed to sense eyes on him and turned, seeing Jeremy. He offered him a soft smile before turning away again, and…
Jeremy pushed away the thought before it even fully formed, crossing his arms.
“What are you looking at?” Henry asked, looking over after Jeremy moved.
“..Nothin’.”
Henry was quiet again, examining Jeremy’s expression, following his gaze straight over to the railing. “Are you watching that guy?”
Jeremy shook his head.
“No, uh, why would I do that?” He asked.
He definitely was watching that guy, even though he hadn’t been doing it consciously. The guy just happened to be standing in the direction he was looking. Nothing Jeremy could do about it, y’know?
Henry scoffed, watching the guy. “He looks like a queer. Hope he’s not heading to the same place as us.”
Jeremy didn’t respond, just sitting quietly. If he’d been Thomas, he would have said something, told him to shut the hell up. Not that he was attached to the dude or anything, it just wasn’t a very nice thing to call someone you didn’t know.
That’s what Thomas sternly told him the one time Jeremy had called someone that in front of him.
But then again, Jeremy wasn’t Thomas, and Thomas wasn’t here.
Henry did seem to sense that Jeremy was unhappy with what he’d said, rising to his feet and walking away without another word, not even a ‘bye.’ Whatever.
Jeremy’s gaze was still trained on the ground, but he looked up after a moment and saw the man watching him again, an unreadable expression on his face.
Jeremy smiled back at him, but the guy frowned slightly and turned away, back to the sea. Oh fuck, he’d probably heard Henry. Fuck.
A wave of nausea washed over him, and he stood suddenly, walking away from the chair as if he was in a trance. He descended the stairs and got halfway back to his mom’s car before he remembered.
She was going through the letters. Fuck, he couldn’t bother her.
It took a minute of looking around to orient himself. To be fair, this wasn’t the first year where he hadn't been able to sit on the top deck, it had just been a while.
He wandered away from the car and found a bench by the bottom of the stairs. Thomas had hated heights, and he’d sat here almost every year if he couldn’t brave their seat on the deck. It was comforting, honestly.
Jeremy could wait here for the rest of the ferry ride. It shouldn’t be much longer, anyway.
After about ten minutes passed, he got up again. His mom was probably done looking through the letters now, right? Hopefully Henry was already back so he wouldn’t have to go hunt him down.
Jeremy walked back to his Ma’s car, stealing glances at the land they were quickly nearing, the ferry propelling them through the water. He knocked on the passenger side window, Henry’s head whipping around to face him. He didn’t speak, though.
Neither of them did.
He pulled the door open and sat down.
Less than an hour later, they were much closer to the Farm, and Jeremy could feel his excitement from earlier returning.
It wasn’t exactly a farm anymore, it hadn’t been for about thirty years. It was a collection of houses spread across a sprawling plot of land.
Despite the presence of what felt like a gaping hole in his heart growing with every second, he felt a strange sort of comfort.
Thomas had loved it here on the farm. He would have wanted Jeremy to come back, even if he wasn’t there.
Being back was stitching up the ripped patch in his chest, and it was making things feel like they were okay again. Maybe not all the way okay, but more okay than they were before.
The car finally made it to the gravel road that marked the home stretch of the journey.
Even though it wasn’t night yet, the road was shady and a canopy was formed by old trees, so Ma slowed down. Sometimes deer would run out of the woods, and she didn’t want to risk hitting anything.
This road was Jeremy’s favorite part of the farm, honestly. At night, it was nearly pitch black, and the road stretched on for nearly a mile. It was a common dare between younger members of the family to walk down it at night without a flashlight.
He’d done it all by himself when he was twelve, and again when he was thirteen, Thomas by his side.
Thomas had said he was too afraid to go alone, but Jeremy was pretty sure his brother hadn’t believed that he’d gone, and had wanted proof.
It was almost a rite of passage in the family to make that trip. In one of the rare pieces of information Ma was willing to share about Jeremy’s father, she confessed that he’d accompanied her down that road once.
He wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
Good thing he didn’t need to think much more about it, though! They turned a corner and there it was. The first house.
The gravel road stretched onward, making a big loop around the whole farm, but they weren't gonna have to go any further. This was their destination.
Jeremy grabbed his bags from the trunk, pulling his backpack over his shoulder. He smiled to himself, almost proud. He’d grown since the last visit, and was finally old enough to carry all his things by himself.
Not that anyone was there to offer help if he’d needed it, but hey! A win is a win, right?
He walked up the path to the front door, his footsteps crunching in the gravel, and his joy faded away.
Being near the house was…suffocating. The farm had been like all of their second home, and he was starting to remember their past trips, things he’d forgotten.
He was drowning in memories.
Jeremy normally raced Thomas up to the house, where the key was kept under a flowerpot.
Now, he tilted the flowerpot and groped underneath it for the key, coming up victorious after a couple of seconds, trying to ignore how badly his hands were shaking.
Thomas used to take the key from him even when he successfully got it. The lock had been weird and finicky, and you had to try pretty hard to get the key to fit into it.
Good thing somebody had changed the lock since the last time they’d been there.
They’d race up to their shared room and fight to claim the top bunk, both siblings hopping over the squeaky first stair. Thomas always let Jeremy win.
He didn’t bother to skip the first stair. The creak echoed in the hall, and he just ignored it. What was the point of skipping that stair? He wasn’t racing anyone.
He trudged down the hall to the bedroom, and finally looked around, feeling that same nausea from the boat make its return.
He needed to leave.
He dropped his bags on the floor of the bedroom, tugging the door closed after him.
“Ma, I’m goin’ on a run!” No reply came, but it didn’t matter whether she heard him or not. Around here, it was common for older teenagers to disappear for almost the entire first day as they went to greet people.
For Jeremy, who had trouble sitting still, this was just tradition.
He cut through the kitchen, flipping the latch on the back door and running outside. It was warm, but not suffocatingly hot, like always. He wasn’t exactly in designated running clothes, but he normally wore a t-shirt and shorts on car trips, and those would be fine.
Jeremy broke into a jog, running into the forest. There was an old path worn into the ground. It had been there for years, and the two people that lived on the farm year round maintained it.
He pushed away the thoughts of his brother running down this same path a few years ago, showing him the way to get to an old tree stand he’d been begging to see.
Fuck it, why not? Jeremy turned abruptly, slowing down to a jog as he started down a slightly overgrown path. Yeah, that made sense.
“Nobody comes out here ‘sides me anymore,” Thomas had said to him, slowing to a stop under a tree. Jeremy had looked around, confused, but following his brother’s gaze, he looked up. Oh..
There was a ladder made of wooden planks nailed into the wood, and a small platform up in the branches. “Don’t try climbing it, I’ll bring a knife out here soon and check if the wood is rotting.”
He’d never gotten a chance to do that. For the first time all day, Jeremy truly felt like crying.
“Are you following me?” An unfamiliar voice drawled, and that feeling crawled back into the dark recesses of his mind, being replaced by an unwelcome sort of shock.
Jeremy looked around, eyes wide. What the fuck?? He didn’t see anyone, but..well.
He turned his gaze upward, and saw a head leaning over the side of the deer stand. And who else would it be but not the weirdo that he’d almost run over this morning. He wasn’t wearing the hat, though, so points for that.
“Uh. No. The fuck are you doing up there?” Jeremy asked.
He wasn’t sure if the ladder could honestly support his weight, but fuck it. This guy had made it up, so he could too. Jeremy began climbing, pausing when his head was poking over the boards and they could see each other.
“Hiding. I dunno if you’ve noticed, but it’s sorta crowded around here.” He had an odd accent.
As Jeremy climbed up the rest of the way, the boy moved back a little. He looked about the same age, but he was still wearing the hat, and he’d added a pair of normal person glasses since they’d last seen each other.
“Around there, at least.” He gestured vaguely off into the woods, and Jeremy glanced over his shoulder.
“You’re in the tents?” Jeremy guessed, assuming that they were probably in that direction.
The boy shook his head. “Nah, I’m in the lake house. My parents are friends with some people who come here, and I just wanted to get away.”
“Yeah? Who?” Jeremy asked. The boy smiled lopsidedly.
“Asking a lot of questions for someone who doesn’t even know my name.” He noted.
Jeremy rolled his eyes, but he didn’t feel insulted. It was kinda funny. “Okay. So what’s your name, then?”
“Mick.” He answered.
“Cool. I’m Jeremy.”