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Turn around, Davey thought. Go back home. You’re being foolish. Turn around.
Those thoughts followed him out the door of his home, all the way to the lodging house. The city was dark and murky, but he knew the path by heart after his four months trekking it in both directions. His legs moved slowly, as if on autopilot, but despite his anxieties, despite the boys’ tales of the Delanceys prowling the area lately, he kept moving.
Davey climbed the stairs and paused at the room where the majority of the boys were sleeping. He couldn’t make out any particular face or form across the beds, but he could hear their breath like a unified force. Guilt turned in his stomach. Not half a year ago, he’d dreaded coming to work with these boys, dreaded being seen living their lives. Now he couldn’t imagine a life where he hadn’t met them and come to know them, come to feel that they were as much his family as Les and Sarah and his parents were. He didn’t want to imagine a life where he hadn’t met them.
Davey took a deep breath and carried on to the roof.
Jack wasn’t up there. He was probably inside tonight in preparation for the rain that had been threatening them all day. Davey didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed to not find his friend’s form there waiting for him.
He sat down near the rails guarding the edges of the roof, crossing his legs beneath him. He stared out at the city. Without the stars and moon out, it looked like nothing but a huge black mass.
Davey wasn’t sure how long he sat there, so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear someone climbing up behind him.
“Dave?”
Davey whipped his head around to find Jack standing at the ladder, blearily rubbing his eyes. Even in the darkness, they were close enough that David could see his mussed hair and rumpled clothes.
“What’s wrong, Davey?”
Jack’s voice was surprisingly gentle. He approached his friend slowly and took a seat beside him, mirroring his cross-legged position.
“Nothing,” Davey replied quickly.
“You wouldn’t be up here in the middle of the night if nothing was wrong, Dave.” Jack smiled at him, nudging his arm gently. “Come on, talk to me.”
Davey stared at him. He could tell Jack about this. He should, probably. He wanted to. But… “I’m sorry I woke you,” he decided on.
“No, no, it’s fine! I was having trouble sleeping anyway, and I saw you walking through.” Davey nodded, and Jack watched him for a long moment, his head tilted and his expression concerned. “You and Les is going back to school, yeah? You’re gonna be pretty tired if you don’t get some sleep. If you don’t wanna talk, why don’t you come downstairs and grab a bed?”
Davey squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head slightly. Godammit, this was Jack. If he could talk to anyone about this, it was him. But when he tried to speak the words just got stuck in his throat.
Jack waited a beat, then whispered, “You nervous about school, Dave? Is that it?”
Davey’s eyes snapped open. A bitter laugh ripped out of his throat. “Something like that,” he drawled, hating how harsh his voice sounded against Jack’s careful tone.
It was a moment before Jack spoke again. Davey almost wondered if he had retreated already and David had missed it, when he felt Jack’s hand settle on the back of his shoulder. When he looked over, Jack had moved closer and was looking at him, a serious expression on his face. “You can talk to me, Davey,” he said firmly.
Before he could prevent it, Davey felt his eyes well up. He took a deep breath, and then the words were spilling out of him. “I don’t want to go back to school. And I know how selfish that is, because so many people don’t get to go, and I’m so lucky and my family’s sacrificing so much, and my sister would give anything to go back but she isn't allowed. I have so much more than so many people who deserve it more than I do, because I don’t even have the heart to be grateful.”
Jack’s gaze quickly grew concerned. “You sounds pretty grateful to me.”
Davey laughed, because he knew if he didn’t laugh he would be crying, and he very much didn’t want to cry.
Jack hesitated before speaking again. “You know,” he said carefully, “with how smart you is, I woulda thought you liked school. All your big words like ‘auspicious’. I woulda thought you’d be the king of the place.”
Davey blinked quickly. “They hate me there,” he admitted, his voice quiet and tight. “I get good grades so they don’t have a reason to kick me out. The boys there--they don’t like going to school with a Jewish kid, and they’re only gonna be worse now that they’ve been proven right that I’m poorer than the rest of them. I can’t just-- go back. I’m not the same as I was before. I think of myself as Davey more than my actual name now, did you know that? No one’s ever--I can’t just go back to the way they treat me now that I know there’s people who are like you all.”
Davey didn’t even see Jack’s face before his friend wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a hug. “Oh, Dave,” Jack whispered against his hair, his voice thick with sadness. Somehow, that was Davey’s tipping point, and a sob escaped him. He couldn’t hold it in. He buried his face into Jack’s shoulder and cried.
It was the first time in a week he felt like he could breathe.
“You ain’t losing us, you know,” Jack whispered after a long moment. “There’s no way you’re getting rid of me that easy. You always got us, Dave. We got you. You-- You’s one of us. That’s never gonna change, even when you go on and become some genius scientist or politician or professor.”
Davey laughed a little, and he wrapped his arms around Jack, hugging him tightly. “And if anyone,” Jack continued, “ever treats you rough, remember that there’s an entire goddamn legion of newsies backing you up. Not to mention you’s already the mastermind who led a strike two days into his job. And no matter what those kids at your school think, no matter what you think, you’s the best guy I know.”
Davey’s breath hitched a little at that. He wondered if Jack heard it. He couldn’t remember anyone saying something so sweet to him before. “Thank you, Jack,” Davey whispered.
Jack squeezed him tighter. His voice almost shook a little as he spoke again. “I got you, Davey Jacobs. Always. Don’t you dare go and forget it.”
Davey didn’t trust his voice, so he just nodded. They remained like that, holding each other, for long enough that the clouds above them started to clear away and the moon shone down onto the roof. If he wasn’t careful, Davey felt sure he’d fall asleep there, in Jack’s arms. Since he couldn’t do that, he made himself pull back and sit up, collecting himself.
“You wanna sleep here tonight? There’s a spare bed or two downstairs,” Jack offered. His gaze was so soft.
Davey looked his friend in the eyes for a moment. Every particle in his body wanted to stay here at the lodging house, here with Jack, for as long as he possibly could. But as much as it ached, that wasn’t in the cards. Not now. “No. I don’t want to worry my family in the morning by not being home.”
Jack nodded. “Right.” Davey told himself he was imagining the note of disappointment in his voice. He got to his feet, then offered his hand to Jack. The shorter boy took it and stood, but his hand lingered a little before pulling away. They watched each other, until Davey made himself move. Jack remained still as he crossed the roof past him.
Try as he might, though, David paused as he started down the ladder, emotion stuck in his throat. “Jackie?” he croaked. Jack turned then, his eyes almost glowing in the moonlight.
Davey tried for a moment to speak, to put words to the feelings in him, the great wave emotion he felt towards his closest friend. But all that came out was, “Thank you, again. G’night, Jackie.”
Jack dipped his head and smiled. “Good night, Davey.”
The walk home was calm and quiet. For the first time in days, Davey’s mind felt relaxed, but at the back of his head, he couldn’t help but wonder what it was he would have said to Jack if he’d known the words for it.
He crept back into his house the way he’d left it, slipping back in from the fire escape through the window. Les was undisturbed on their shared bed. Davey laid down beside him, taking up as little room as he could so as not to bother his brother.
In the few hours left before dawn, Davey slept soundly.
. . .
School was miserable.
Shockingly, Davey had managed to avoid feeling the effects of his lack of sleep, but he felt hyper aware of everyone around him. He could feel their stares, hear their whispers. He knew he was lucky that no one approached him, but it felt horribly lonely after months among the chaos of the newsies. With each class, he grew more and more weary of the weight of every eye on his back as the instructor told him just how much work he would have to make up and how little time he’d have to do it.
By the time he walked out of school, he wanted to sprint all the way back to his house and never leave it again. He knew that was a childish urge and hardly productive, so he took a deep breath and set out to pick Les up from his school building down the road.
“Davey!”
He turned in surprise, and he felt a swell of an undefined emotion in his chest when he saw the infamous Jack Kelly standing at the gate, beaming and waving. Although he could feel people watching him, Davey felt a smile tug at his lips and he ran to meet him.
“Hiya, Dave!” Jack greeted him joyfully, hugging Davey as he reached him. Davey closed his eyes and buried his nose in Jack’s shoulder, soaking in the warmth of the embrace.
“Jack,” he whispered, squeezing him in a silent message, hoping his relief and gratitude came across without the words to accompany it.
“How was your day?” Jack asked, pulling back to smile at him.
Davey shook his head. “Bad,” he admitted. “But it’s alright. My day just got better anyhow.”
If he didn’t know better, he would have thought Jack Kelly had blushed at that. “Can I come with you to get Les?” Jack asked quickly.
“Please.”
His friend beamed.