Work Text:
The train rolled down the tracks, passing through the small town. The sun was setting over the woods through the window. A peaceful sight.
He opened his phone before closing it again, as per usual he cycles through the same 3 apps. No notifications. Felix sighed, though at the next stop, someone caught his eye, and he looked up.
"Hey." The stranger says, his tone calm, almost bored. Pale hands in their pockets as they stare at him.
The stranger's stare was a little unsettling, and Felix couldn't help but feel nervous at their gaze. "Hi...?" He said with a small wave.
"You ride the trains often." The boy hums. It sounds more like a statement than a question.
Felix looked at the other boy's face, trying to make out their features.
"I do, I suppose. Nothing better to do with my time." He said with a shrug after a couple moments.
"Hm. Are you in college?" Questions the boy.
Smiling awkwardly, Felix leans back in his seat. He was a bit surprised by the question, not expecting the other person to pry into his life.
"Yeah, I am."
He answers, unsure why this boy wants to know.
"Mhm? College is hard, I did that.. once."
The boy hums. Tapping his fingers against the table in the train car. Tap. Tap. Tap. The same way Felix does.
Felix can't help but laugh as he crosses his arms above his chest. He let his eyes wander, looking the boy up and down.
"It's not that bad. Do you go to college?"
"Don't do anything, not up to much these days." The boy replies. The tapping stops. As a crowd of people walk past. And he's... gone?
Felix's eyes widened as the other person seemed to disappear in front of him— or more specifically, to disappear into the other people in the train. He looked around, searching the area for them, and couldn't find them anywhere. But he knew he didn't just imagine them— they were right in front of him. Where did they go?
"where'd you go?" He muttered to himself, standing up from his seat.
Felix looked around, still not being able to spot the person. He moved towards where the other people had walked, searching for the other boy. Even though he was the tallest on the train, he still couldn't spot them
"There's no way—they couldn't have just “dissappeared" Felix muttered to himself again, his confusion getting the best of him.
The old lady sat near him speaks up
"Pale man with black hair? Eyebags?" She questions, her tone knowing.
Felix nearly yelped as the old lady spoke up— he had practically forgotten he was in a train car with others, the strange boy having him rather distracted.
"Yeah, that's right." Felix said quickly, trying to keep the frantic look off his face
"You wouldn't be the first looking. It's as if he's always around the train tracks, just constantly out of reach." She comments. She's just a little old lady. Hair almost completely grey.
Felix grows even more puzzled, the woman's words sparking even more curiosity in him
"What, near the train tracks?" Felix repeated her words, trying to make sense of the old woman's words. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to ignore the odd chill creeping under his skin
"Do... Do you know anything else about them?" He asked, leaning against the pole.
"Ah not much, never seen the poor thing eat. He's so much like my grandson, Must be another overworked train worker." The old lady hums "He's such a polite young man. Even if he's always wearing that sweater. Similar to yours."
Felix hummed at the woman's words, still trying to piece together who exactly the person is. Not eating, always cold..
"Do you..." Felix paused, looking at the woman in front of him. "Do you know why this person always hangs around the tracks? It's a little strange, wouldn't you say?"
"Teenagers are always strange nowadays. Nothings simple anymore. " the old lady mutters with a wave of her hand.
Felix bit his lip, holding back a rude remark. Sure, teenagers are strange, but not... this.
"'Nothing is simple nowadays'?" Felix repeated in a soft tone. He glanced back towards the train tracks, but all he could see was the view of the city. "When was anything ever simple?"
"Back when everything wasn't fast. And you could actually afford food." the old lady scoffs as she grabs her bags. "Help me up, would you, son?"
"Of course." Felix responded, moving forwards to help the woman off the train— despite his inner frustration, he still had his manners. He gently took the old woman's hand, carefully helping her from her seat.
Once she was up, the old woman smiled at him, patting his cheek.
"Thank you, dear." She said, her tone kind. "Now, my stop is the next one. And I pray you find what you're looking for."
Felix smiled weakly at the lady, but her words stuck in his mind. He wouldn't say it out loud, but he doubted he would be seeing the odd man again. And yet, even with his doubts, he nodded at her.
"Have a safe night, ma'am." Felix told the woman, waving after her as she moved off the train.
With the woman finally gone, Felix was alone on the train again. He moved back to his seat, sighing as he sat back down. He pulled out his phone again, scrolling through the same few apps as before.
'Maybe I imagined them.' He thought to himself, leaning his head back against the seat. 'No. I swear I saw them.'
Felix's mind was a mess. Every few minutes, his mind would wander back to the person. Who were they? Why did the old woman talk so nonchalantly about them? And... Had he imagined them? He was going to drive himself crazy if he spent the entire train ride thinking about this he huffs, trying to busy himself in his phone. Zero notifications.
-- eventually it's getting late. As the train pulled into the station, Felix grabbed his bag, quickly walking off the train. Since it was already late, few people were around, and even fewer were still in the train station.
Felix glanced around— he was in search of something, though he couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was. He had a few ideas though... His eyes drift to the tracks.
A few moments later Felix's eyes flicked over to the forest, following the tracks that led into the woods. The treeline was too dark to see into it, but... is that a figure?
With a deep breath, he headed towards the track and quickly set off into the forest. Felixs heart racing as he slowly walked closer to the treeline. Though his mind was a mess, one thought was clear in his mind: 'That was definitely not an imaginary person.'
He was almost to the forest, a few metres away from the treeline. Even as he approached, the other boy's gaze never left the train tracks, unfazed. Felix took one more step closer, and spoke up.
"You."
"You."
The boy hums back. Staring at the tracks almost blankly. Yet with so much complicated emotion.
Felix hummed in response, crossing his arms over his chest. The only light were the few streetlamps around them, leaving the other person in shadows. He moved closer, now mere feet away from the forest.
"You've been here for a bit, haven't you?" Felix questioned, trying to keep the tone in his voice even
"You could say that. Technically so have you."
The boy replied calmly. His face shrouded in shadow.
Felix nodded, his eyes flicking over the other person. As he got closer, he could see the square glasses and soft hair. He smirked.
"You know, the old people on the train talk about you." Felix mused, trying to make conversation.
"Mn I've been a constant. It makes sense."
Felix hummed in response, now directly in front of the boy. He was now the same height as him, but that didn't stop him from looking down at him.
"They say you like to hang around here. That you're some mysterious boy who haunts the tracks. You know that?"
"I don't 'haunt' the tracks."
The boy replies. His tone is almost apathetic.
"No?" Felix chuckled, his smirk turning into a wide smile. He moved even closer to the other person, now only a foot between them.
"Then what do you call it? Sitting around the train tracks? Disappearing in a crowd? Looking for something that isn't there?"
"How do you know you're not the one looking for something that isn't there?"
Felix chuckled at the boy's question, his eyes trying to make out his face. He bit back any scathing remark, and instead smiled.
"I could be. There's plenty of things out there that aren't real. The question is—do you think you're real?"
"Maybe. Maybe not." The boy hums. Before commenting suddenly
"Did you know you can't hear a train coming until it's about to hit you?"
Felix paused, his eyes widening for a second at the person's words. That was a peculiar statement— but he had heard it before from somewhere. A morbid fascination grew in his mind, and he leaned closer
"Really? And how do you know that?"
"You should really step off the tracks."
The boy says instead of answering his question.
Felix was taken off guard by the boy's bluntness. Step off the tracks? He glanced between them and the tracks, a sudden pang of nervousness coursing through him
He stepped off the tracks, but his eyes never left the boy's figure.
A moment later a train drives past, It would've hit him if he didn't step back. The air hitting him in the face, his hair whipping around as he loses sight of the boy.
"Woah!—" Felix yelped, stepping back even more as the force of the train blew over him. He raised a hand to his hair, feeling how it was blown everywhere.
When the train passed, he looked to where the boy had been, only to find he was gone. Again. As much as he wanted to, he didn't doubt himself this time—the boy was definitely real.
He groaned in annoyance, running his hand through his hair. He hated this—no matter where he looked, the other person was gone. It was so irritating. He looked back at the forest, taking a deep breath. He spoke to the forest, as if the boy was hiding somewhere
"You're a hard one to pin down, you know that? You—" He paused as he spoke, realisation hitting him.
"That's it."
Felix muttered to himself, walking closer to the forest again. He moved slowly, as if the boy would jump out from the bushes at any moment. He took a few more steps—and then stopped. He looked around, trying to find any hint of the boy.
He huffed, leaning against a tree. "You're in the forest, aren't you? Hiding in the shadows so I can't find you again?"
"No." The boy replies from directly behind him. His cold breath on his neck from the proximity.
Felix nearly jumped, turning abruptly to face the boy. He stumbled as he turned, taking a few steps back before he hit a tree behind him. He was completely caught off guard as the boy was just there.
"Christ—" Felix muttered, a hand over his chest as his heart raced. He took a deep breath, leaning back against the tree.
"How—how do you keep doing that?!"
"I just do." the boy shrugs
Felix let out a huff of air, still trying to get his heart rate under control. Even in the darkness, he could see the boy clear as day. No signs of disappearing.
"You—" Felix paused, his mind trying to piece together everything that had just happened. The boy looked different now, a lot less intimidating in the shadows of the forest.
"Who are you? Really?"
"Depends."
“Depends”? Felix echoed in his head, a frown on his face. That wasn't the answer he wanted.
"What do you mean depends" He questioned, raising an eyebrow
"Some call me the ghost of the train station. Or a hallucination." The boy hums "Others call me the boy that killed himself on the tracks. I'd like to think i'm just me.
Felix's brain practically short-circuited at the boy's response. 'Boy that killed himself on the tracks'...
Felix's expression darkened as he pieced together everything that had just happened. The strange answers, the vanishing, the way he just seemed to be able to see trains coming before they came
"You're—" Felix spoke after a moment, the realisation finally settling in his brain. "You're a ghost." He says simply. Unsure how else to put it.
"Am I? I don't feel dead."
He huffed at that, rolling his eyes as his frown returned. Maybe that was because he was dead? He took one more look at the boy before asking another question
"How are you—" Felix looked the boy up and down, waving a hand to motion to him "How are you able to do..." He searched for the word "...this?"
"For an English major, you're not very good with words." The boy comments, rather amused.
Felix was taken off guard by the response, a look of confusion on his face. Out of everything, he had not been called out on his lack of words
He looked at the boy, eyebrows furrowing. His next words were said a lot slower, the boy's words sinking in "...How do you.. know I'm an English major?"
"I've met many boys like you."
Felix bit back a rude response, letting out a huff of air instead. Of course. The boy had met "many boys like him". That didn't make it any less creepy.
He leaned back against the tree, crossing his arms as he gave him a look. "Oh, really? Tell me, what kind of boys have you met?"
"Tired ones. Exhausted ones. Ones sick of spending each day trying so hard to stay alive. Ones that run off coffee to survive. Ones that take the train every day to avoid being alone."
His eyes widened at the boy's words. How had he—? How could he possibly know all that? The look in Felix's eyes betrayed all his surprise, and he was left standing there, dumbfounded. He opened his mouth multiple times, and each time he stopped himself. He didn't even know what to say
Finally, after a moment, he responded "...So, you're saying you've met boys...like me..?”
Felix felt almost like a fool, still standing with his mouth open. So, he took a breath, closed his mouth, and let a look of curiosity fill his face instead.
He was quiet for a moment, thinking through more of his thoughts. Now that he thought about it, the boy wasn't wrong. He was tired and exhausted.
"And..." Felix spoke carefully, still unsure about the whole situation "...how many boys like me have you met, exactly?"
"Watch out for the train. It's not your friend. Or the solution."
The boy replies instead. Ignoring his question entirely.
Felix's smile faded, the look of curiosity turning into something else. He swallowed, trying to keep the lump forming in his throat out of his voice as he spoke
"And what if it feels like the solution?"
"Then you're wrong."
Felix let out another nervous laugh, looking down to avoid the boy's gaze
"You—" He started, trying to come up with a response "You're a ghost. What would you know about being wrong?"
"More than you'd think. You'd be surprised how many people I watched stand in front of that train, only to realise at the last second they wanted to live." The boy muses. Staring out at the tracks still.
Felix was about to reply, but his words caught in his throat. The boy's words hit a nerve, and he couldn't help the way his body tensed or the way his hands squeezed together
He stared at the ground, thoughts racing through his head. How many people had the boy seen fall into that train, trying to end their pain at the last minute?
"There's never enough time." The boy muses. Glancing at the patches of gorgeous purple flowers. hyacinths if he remembers correctly. scattered in small bushes around the tracks. Patches of soil, Fed by the blood of those in pain. Regret. How could something so beautiful be born from something so horrifying?
Felix followed the boy's gaze, carrying a bitter distaste for the scenery. The boy's words were simple, but the weight they carried was heavy. He closed his eyes, trying to push the feeling away
'There's never enough time'.
It wasn't a lie, and they both knew that. And the boy was right, the soil was too dark. Felix swallowed, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but here.
"The last thought of all of them, it's always along the same lines. Family. Friends. Living."
The boy continues. Gently plucking a single flower, Twirling it between two fingers.
‘Family, friends, living.’
The words repeated themselves in Felix's head, swirling around and weighing down on him. The image of standing in front of a train, the last thing in his head being his family or his friends..
He clenched his hands together, staring ahead into the darkness. His next words came out as a whisper, the sound of them almost lost in the noise of the night air
His voice shook as he spoke, but he managed "And you? What about you?"
"Me?" The boy sounds surprised. Glancing up, his grip tightening on the flower.
Felix stared at the boy, trying to ignore how his heart was thumping so hard. Attempting to keep his expression neutral. The weight of their conversation was heavy, and he just wanted answers. Answers to questions he'd been asking himself since the first moment he saw the boy
"Yes, you." Felix swallowed, looking away for a moment before looking back at the boy
"You're a ghost, aren't you? Did you...?" He paused, then forced himself to speak "Did you— end it all on the tracks too?"
"I wouldn't completely say that."
Felix's eyebrows furrowed, a confused expression on his face. He wasn't sure if he quite understood what the boy meant by that. He tried to keep the desperation out of his voice as he spoke
"What do you mean, 'you wouldn't completely say that'? And what— what would you say instead?"
The boy finally meets Felix's gaze.
"Why don't you ask yourself?"
Felix reeled back, a startled noise falling out of his mouth as he nearly tripped over nothing. He stumbled, trying to find his footing, and stared at the boy before him.
"Y-you—" Felix spoke, eyes wide. The boy...looked exactly like him. Same face, same height, same body, everything.
His stomach dropped as he stared. The boy had changed, and he looked like a mirror image of him. He swallowed, trying to keep his body from shaking
He took another step back, wanting distance, and then he spoke up again "Why— why do you look like me?"
He asked shakily.
The boy shrugs, leaning against a tree. "Why do you keep coming to the train every day?" He counters, Tilting his head to the side, staring intently at him.
Felix opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He knew why he took the train every day, knew why he felt so drawn to it. He closed his mouth shut, staring helplessly at the boy standing across from him
He swallowed, knowing the boy had a point. It was a good question. Why did he keep coming to the train? Why did he feel so drawn to it? He finally forced the words out "...I don't know."
"You do know. You like seeing an opportunity out of this pain."
Felix's eyes darkened, the realisation of the boys words hitting him like a truck. He had never thought of that, never looked that deep inside himself to realise it. But the boy was right. Every time he came back to the train, there always felt like an inkling of...something. What could only be a way out
"How—?" He choked out, trying to find his words again "How do you know that..?"
"I'm you. Aren't I?"
Felix froze, the realisation hitting him again. The boy looked like him. The boy said he was him. That had to mean...he—
His mind spun, his stomach twisting. His mouth ran dry, and it felt like there was no air in his lungs. He blinks rapidly when the boy disappears again.
His body tensing as he stares at the empty space in front of him where the boy had been standing. His mind was blank, the world almost spinning again
He didn't know what to think, didn't know how to feel. The boy—he himself—had disappeared again. Was he even real? Or just a hallucination? Felix's heart beats faster, his hands shaking as he very faintly hears a train in the distance. He instinctively takes a step back as he looks towards the train tracks, watching the train approaching in the distance.
The sound of the train grew louder, the noise drowning out all other thoughts and feelings. It was as if nothing else existed at that moment. Just him and the train
...Felix swallowed, his hands shaking. He felt himself moving forward, one step towards the tracks.
The train was getting closer. The sound of it was so loud, so overwhelming. Every other noise faded away as the train approached. He took another step forward, this time towards the edge of the platform and the train tracks.
"Is that really what we want?" the boy asks. Standing next to Felix.
Felix jerked around, meeting the boy's (or...his own?) gaze. The boy was right next to him, suddenly appearing at his side. His heart raced, his mind reeling at the suddenness of it all
He swallowed, trying to think of a response, but his thoughts and feelings were messy. All he could think about was...the train. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words died on his tongue
"What good comes out of this?"
Felix didn't have an answer, his mind a mess of thoughts. The logical, good part of his brain knew what the boy was saying was right. But the rest of his mind focused on other things, more dangerous things.
The train was growing louder now, its noise nearly deafening. He was so close to the edge, his heart hammering against his chest.
"Who would feed your cat? Help the old women on the train each morning? Who would help that girl with her homework?"
Felix's mind whirled, thoughts and possibilities flashing before his eyes. Every single situation, both good and bad, that could come from being...
The boy's next words snapped him out of it for a moment. He swallowed, the mention of the old woman and the girl striking a nerve. He tried to speak, tried to form words, but all he managed was a small noise.
"Do you think our impact on the world is really that small?"
Another small noise left him as the boy spoke again, the words hitting him like a ton of bricks. He...knew what the boy was saying was true. There were people who cared about him, people who needed him, and who would miss him if he were gone
But in that moment, with his mind fuzzy and thoughts swimming, those words seemed trivial compared to how he feels.
"What's stopping us from picking up that phone?" The boy questions.
Felix's mind snapped again, thoughts coming back into focus for a brief second. He stared at the boy, feeling like he was being pulled in two different directions
He took another step, now standing on the very edge. A phone? What phone? The train was so close he could feel the rumble from it now, his heart beating impossibly fast.
"W-what are you—" Felix cut himself off, his voice shaking. He was at the very edge now, one more step and he'd be standing on the tracks.
He swallowed, his throat dry. His mind was racing, torn in two. One side begging him to step back from the edge, and another one telling him to just...let go.
The train was so close now, its noise thundering in his ears. His thoughts were fuzzy, the world around him almost faded out as he stared at the edge
The logical part of his mind struggled to keep control, yelling at him to get away from the tracks. But his thoughts were drowning out, and all he could think about was the train, the train, the...
" What do you want? "
Felix's head reeled at the boy's sudden question. It cut through his thoughts and pulled him back for a moment. What did he want? He'd been living life on autopilot, letting life happen to him, and...he never really had the chance to think about what he wanted
His words came out as a strangled whisper "I...I don't.."
"Lets start with something simple. You love that pie that's always on sale on Thursdays."
Felix's head snapped to the boy at his words. Pie? Thursdays? He remembered that. Every Thursday, there was a sale at the grocery store, the one with the cheap pies. He would buy a slice every week
He stared at the boy, the world around him seeming to come back into focus slowly. It was all so simple. He swallowed, the train's noise fading into the background of his thoughts. He could feel his body trembling, feeling more like himself after each moment that passed
He spoke quietly, his voice shaky "...I..I do like the pie."
"We do. Don't we?"
Felix's breath caught in his throat, the question lingering. 'We'. The boy was him, he knew that by the fact that they looked exactly the same, but in that moment, it felt different
He nodded slowly, his body still shaky and breaths uneven. 'We'. Yes, they both liked the pie. They were one and the same.
Felix's mind felt more clear now, his thoughts coming back into focus. The boy's (his?) words rang in his mind, making him realise the dangerous situation he had put himself in
He could still hear the train, so loud and intense, but he felt himself slowly backing away from the edge. His heart was still beating hard, but he seemed...calmer. More like himself.
The boy holds his hand out. An opportunity.
Felix stared at the boy for a moment, seeing his outstretched hand. It felt like an offer, a way out. He swallowed, still shaking in fear, but he slowly reached out and took the boy's hand.
Just when Felix steps forward and takes his hand the boy disappears. Returning to him once more as the train rushes past. Narrowly missing him.
Felix stumbled forwards, letting go on instinct as the boy disappeared. He stared into the empty space where the boy had been, listening to the sound of the train grow louder for a moment and then fade away as it passed by
He stood there, heart still beating way too fast, trying to process what just happened. He felt... different somehow after their conversation, like something in him had changed.
Felix ran a trembling hand through his soft hair, trying to steady himself. The words from his conversation echoed in his mind. 'We like the pie'. 'What do we want', 'We'. The boy...he was himself, he realised that as he looked around at the now empty train platform.
Felix shivered in the cold autumn air, his mind still a jumble of thoughts.
He swallowed, feeling his body still shaking from the shock. He let out a shaky breath, trying to calm himself. It took a few moments of steady breathing before he finally felt the adrenaline leave his body, his heart slowing back to a normal pace,
He slowly lowered his hand from his hair, looking around the platform again. His mind was still racing, but he felt...calmer. More in control. And.. tired, exhausted even.
But.. what does he want.. he wants..
He thinks for a moment, replaying the boy's words in his mind. 'What do we want'? It was such an open question, anything could answer that. He had never really thought about what he wanted before.
But he knew what he wanted at that moment. He wanted a nap. He wanted to go home. He wanted to live.
Felix let out a tired breath, his body still feeling shaky from the situation. He glanced at the empty space in front of him and spoke out loud "Thank you."
He didn't know if it was really for himself, or for the boy, But he felt a strange sense of peace. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Felix took another glance around the platform, taking a moment to take in his surroundings. Everything looked the same as it always did—train tracks, platforms, benches. Nothing out of the ordinary. He took a deep breath, running a hand through his messy hair again before taking the first steps back down the platform to leave. To go home.