Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It’s kind of a habit. 

Soobin comes home with one thing on his mind, seeking his roommate. Beomgyu's schedule is wildly different from his own, him being the one to arrive home first. He always makes sure to greet Soobin, something Soobin always looks forward to. There is always a feeling of warmth and reassurance seeing Beomgyu after his classes. Like he made it through his day and gets to receive a reward— Beomgyu’s attention . 

What's different this time is how his mind is fixated on an unfamiliar car on the lot. He can't seem to shake the thought as he fumbles with the door lock.

"Beomgyu?" Soobin says as he clicks the door shut behind him. The lack of response irks him. He tries speaking louder, "There's a car on the driveway, do you know them? It's really weird!"

When there's no response, Soobin glances around the house. In the midst of toeing off his shoes, he doesn't spot Beomgyu's overworn ones in the entryway. 

So, Beomgyu isn't home yet, but there's a car on their lot. It's peculiar and leaves a chilling sensation tickling his spine. He doesn’t like strangers, and now someone is on his property without notice. 

In a spur of the moment, Soobin thinks he should defend himself with a tennis racket from the coat closet. Neither of them would miss it if it gets damaged in the process, he doesn’t know the last time either of them played together. 

The distance to the kitchen has never seemed so far. And they live in a three bedroom quaint house with somewhat of an open concept. They aren’t usually able to see the kitchen from the entrance so it’ll take a couple of steps to notice anything, or anybody . 

Soobin reminds himself to take light steps and keep guarded. His eyes are darting everywhere, mind on full alert, like he’s a well seasoned spy. 

When he reaches his destination, Soobin is faced with a broad, meticulously sculpted back. Its defined lines and hollow dips are all the right places, Soobin almost wants to reach out and touch. His surprise gets caught in his throat, and it's apparently audible enough because it prompts the stranger to turn around. 

"Sorry, sorry. Um, my shirt got a little—"

It takes Soobin a blink to realize what's going on. 

"No, I'm sorry!" Soobin squeaks and frantically runs away from the stranger in his home. 

Soobin storms up the stairs and burrows himself into his sheets, heart heavy with hopelessness. The feeling isn’t anything new, but it’s returned because of this suddenness. Soobin doesn’t know what to do.

Beomgyu didn’t mention anything about someone coming over. People never stay the night, or well, he wouldn’t know that because he never sleeps at home when Beomgyu has somebody over. But still, Beomgyu has a rule that nobody occupies his bed after he sleeps with them unless it’s serious. And he’s only had two serious relationships since they’ve been teenage friends. It’s been a while since Beomgyu talked about anybody, so he doesn’t know what pains him more. Somebody in their house sharing Beomgyu’s bed, or Beomgyu not telling him about anyone new in his life. 

There's a gentle knock against his door. Soobin wonders how this man knows which one is his bedroom, but then again there is not much to choose from considering there are only four doors in the hallway. Beomgyu's bedroom, which he must already know about, and the bathroom, also what he must already know about. And then he only has two choices, knock on Soobin's door or the guest room. 

A knock repeats and Soobin curls deeper into himself, feeling as if his privacy is being invaded despite the door that separates two strangers. 

One stranger in Soobin and Beomgyu’s house and Choi Soobin who doesn’t feel comfortable in his own home.

"Soobin? Hey, it's okay."

Soobin shudders and tightens his closed eyes. How does he know my name? Not all that strange to each other after all. Except Soobin doesn’t know him. 

"Changing!" Soobin announces abruptly, shooting out of bed then kicking his trash can in an attempt to seem like he's rummaging around his room.

"Oh, alright. Well, there's lunch in the kitchen! I'd like to properly meet you. Beomgyu said you love kimchi fried rice."

Why does that make Soobin’s heart drop into his stomach? Beomgyu talking about Soobin to his potential love interest—if that’s what it is? Probably telling this guy what a great best friend Soobin is!

Soobin doesn’t know how much time passed when there’s another knock. He probably spent a couple of minutes pacing, wondering how to mask his feelings best. Surely Beomgyu will be home soon and they might be all over each other. Soobin is good at schooling his expressions, but what happens when enough is enough? This might be the last time Soobin is able to bear Beomgyu with another. 

"Soobin, the food is getting cold. You should eat it fresh. If you're waiting for Gyu, he's on his way. Better to get some before him, he'll take it all before you know it.” Gosh, if there’s anything Soobin can gather from these last ten minutes alone, it’s that this guy is persistent as fuck. 

“Okay, I’ll be out in a bit,” Soobin calls out. 

Soobin gives his cheeks a little pat and wipes his eyes. He doesn’t bother looking in the mirror, a bit too ashamed. Time to face the music and get a head start, almost like putting a foot into the pool before diving in. It’s best if he meets the guy alone instead of through Beomgyu, who just might gush over him in his attempts to silently say, “See, Soobin, this is the one for sure! He’s great,” like all the other times Beomgyu has done so.

Soobin exits his bedroom just in time to see the man turn his shoulders briskly. There’s a look of surprise and amusement before he flashes Soobin a beaming grin. It’s frustrating, Soobin can’t seem to tear his eyes off the man. He is admittingly really, really attractive. And he was really concerned and nice to Soobin despite Soobin’s unintentional cold shoulder. There goes all of Soobin’s chances with his best friend. Beomgyu really reeled in a good one. 

"Hey, Soobin. Come," he gestures to Soobin, who willingly follows for whatever pathetic reason. They embark into the kitchen where the stranger pulls out a chair for him, even if this is Soobin’s house. "Here, I had a feeling you'd come out this time around. I already prepared you a plate."

"Thanks…"

"I'm Choi Yeonjun, Beomgyu's older brother. I don't think he told you yet…which is probably why you're so freaked out. Or maybe you're just shy around strangers?" Yeonjun says with a cheeky smile. 

Soobin declares he hates him more than he thought he did because why is his smile so nice? And whereas Soobin is utterly freaking out on the inside, this man remains so composed. And oh, yeah, wait. It dawns on him and quickly lessens the ache he felt just a moment ago. This guy knows Beomgyu but not in the way Soobin thought he did. And now he winces for another reason. Not over Beomgyu’s new love life, or the way this guy smiles like the sun, but because he is an idiot. 

"Oh…I—Beomgyu's older brother, huh?" Soobin ushers out idiotically. He bites his lip to mask the stupid shit eating grin that wants to creep up. Stupid!

"Yeah. So he didn't tell you."

"I know about you but never…umm?” 

The pair of best friends have known each other for nearly ten years but the topic of his brother hardly occurred. Soobin is aware that Beomgyu has an older brother. It’s just that he never knew what the guy looked like considering he was overseas for the longest of years and they just never met whenever his brother visited home.

Soobin does recall his name now. 

Right, Choi Yeonjun . 

But that’s about it. They’re strangers. 

A stranger is in his house, Soobin remembers again. 

"Let's wait for him then. We have a lot to discuss. Eat up, alright? Let me know if I can get you anything."

The temptation to say, this is my house, let me know if I can get you anything, sits in his tongue. 

Soobin eats in silence while staring down Yeonjun’s backside as he sits comfortably on his couch. His favorite side of the couch! Wait, he doesn’t exactly know why he’s so hostile anymore considering this is no threat to him and Beomgyu’s relationship. But still, why is a man waltzing in here unannounced and using their ingredients and getting comfy in their living room. Heck, Soobin pays a fraction more than Beomgyu because he’s older, so it’s absolutely reasonable for him to feel a little bothered by all of this. Is that it? 

“Where’s Beomgyu?” Soobin finally says, having patiently waited for a commercial to occur so he wouldn’t interrupt the other. 

Yeonjun answers, “I asked him to pick up a few things since I didn’t want to wander alone.”

Soobin wants to ask why the two didn’t just go together but then there’s suddenly a static noise, followed by rustling sound coming from a speaker or something . 

The guest of the hour—or evening or day or whatever however the fuck long he is staying over—hastily gets up from his spot and stalks up the stairs with such urgency, Soobin almost wants to ask what the rush is. He almost has a mind to follow him to ask if everything is alright but abruptly hears his voice again. It’s not in the same room as him, not technically, but through the device Soobin heard a second ago.  

“Hi, baby. Awake now?” 

Curiosity gets the best of him. Soobin follows the hushed voice until he finds a camera. Actually, a baby monitor is more like it, even if Soobin has never seen one in person until now. On the screen, Yeonjun is cradling something in his arms before going out of view. Upon hearing footsteps on the stairs, Soobin prances back into the kitchen and sits down. 

Yeonjun appears with a child resting their head on his shoulder, the bulge of his arms from all that weight in his arms looking interesting for sure. 

“Baby, do you want to say hi to Soobin? He looks like he’s seen a ghost, let’s ask him what’s wrong.” 

Soobin didn’t realize he'd been staring so intently until Yeonjun said that. 

“Sorry,” Soobin rushes out quickly before getting up from his seat and standing across Yeonjun awkwardly. “Hi, I’m Soobin.”

“Say hi,” Yeonjun says in the gentlest tone Soobin has ever heard. It’s not that different from how Yeonjun greeted him all those times earlier, but Soobin knows this particular voice is reserved for this little thing. “Soobin, this is my daughter, Miyeon.”

Oh . Soobin should’ve put the pieces together but somehow it didn’t occur to him now. That’s the only way this all makes sense. For a beat, Soobin feels bad for wondering why the guy is here. Why can’t Beomgyu have his brother and niece over? Shame on Soobin. 

“Nice to meet you, Miyeon,” Soobin chirps with a warm smile. Somehow it just feels a little easier to communicate now—maybe because there’s a kid here that cuts the tension a little less, which really doesn’t make any sense at all. He manages to add, "That's why Beomgyu went alone, because your baby was sleeping, right?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to go through the hassle of putting her in a car seat then the stroller then doing the shopping and she might fuss and she’s still warming up to Beomgyu and all of that…”

Soobin nods understandingly. “So, how old is she?” 

“Two, the terrible twos they say, but this is also the ripe age of learning. She can walk now, talk decently, and she’s starting to understand things like colors and what animals are. It’s great.”

“That sounds like a lot of things to teach, but that’s cool.” Soobin doesn’t actually know what to say since he doesn’t really know anybody who has kids. He has never had the pleasure of talking to one and definitely never needed to take care of one. 

Yeonjun bounces his daughter in his arms then boops her nose affectionately. He seems so happy to talk about her. His eyes even light up brighter than before as he continues, “Yeah, it is. But I’m happy to do it. And, oh! She’s gonna start potty training soon. I hope you don’t mind that I leave her toilet seat and stool lying around when it happens. Of course, she has her own training toilet for now.”

Soobin’s eyebrows furrow. When it happens . Is Yeonjun staying longer than anticipated? Sure, maybe he’ll just be a regular visitor and that means they can be friends. Leaving his daughter’s things here isn’t unreasonable. Again, that’s Beomgyu’s niece! It’s still just weird . He feels bothered by being out of the loop. 

“So—wait, how long are you staying?”

“I’m really unsure right now. I don’t want to be in your hair but there’s a lot of things I need to take care of and it can’t just be done overnight.”

Well, that was vague but Soobin will just ask Beomgyu later. He misses his roommate and wants him to return home soon. Maybe he’ll feel better about all of this, and even forgive him, when he’s around him. And he doesn’t know how much longer he can entertain the guest, and the guest’s kid. 

“I’m going to clean up now,” Soobin says abruptly. “Uh, make yourself at home.”

“Actually, I didn’t get to unload a few important things out of my car right away. Do you mind? I’m not asking for all of it, but just a baby playmat.”

Soobin didn’t actually mean that. “Oh, sure,” he says anyway, because what other choice is he supposed to make? Yeonjun is older than him and he is his crush’s brother. He doesn’t want to seem insincere. 

“Or you could hold my baby.” Soobin is certain Yeonjun was being genuine but Soobin can’t help but detect a sense of either flirtation or audacity there. 

“No, I’ll get the mat. Car keys?”

“On the counter. And thank you so much, Soobin.”

Soobin nods before heading outside and popping the compact suv’s trunk open. There’s a couple of duffel bags, four large suitcases, and plenty of toys in several boxes. He spots the mat rolled up and fishes it out, not without thinking that this is a lot of stuff stored in the back of a car. 

“This is like a month's worth of luggage,” Soobin scoffs to himself. "And how does this guy have a car if he just got here? Gosh, where is the— oh ."

Fortunately the baby mat is laid right on top of it all. There’s also a cute fox plushie Soobin fishes out just because . He can’t help but be a bit nosy and inspect the car some more despite it all being present right in front of him. Even though Yeonjun dully sported a black tank top and loose sweatpants, he seems to like pretty bags, all of the duffles and a few large crossbodies are very vibrant in design. The luggages are stacked neatly on top of one another, maybe Miyeon—or even Yeonjun—needs many changes of clothes. He sees plenty of building blocks within clear storage boxes and stacks of unopened diaper boxes as well. How many diapers does a baby need for a couple of days, anyway?

And …oh.

As if on queue, Beomgyu’s car comes into view. Soobin’s fists are clenched around the mat, anticipating Beomgyu’s arrival. 

Soobin closes the trunk and stands arms crossed, awaiting the sweet opportunity to bite Beomgyu’s head off. Beomgyu is exiting his car apprehensively. Oh, he knows he did something very wrong. Soobin feels like a furious wife ready to accuse his husband of cheating, after all he is standing on the driveway tense and fuming. 

“Why didn’t you tell me!?” Soobin fusses, not even before Beomgyu gets a foot out of the car. 

“Ah, you must’ve met Yeonjun-hyung and Miyeon!”

“Beomgyu!”

Beomgyu slams the car door shut and cups Soobin’s cheeks with his car keys in his hands. “Oh, you look nice today, Binnie!”

Soobin wants to savor the touch, bask in it because he loves the sparks he feels when Beomgyu touches him. But that’s not the point right now, he is only doing it out of guilt. Soobin needs to get down to the real matter, which is Beomgyu keeping things from him. “You didn’t tell me anyone was coming over! And he’s staying?! For how long! It’s not only for a weekend, is it?”

“Yeah, so look…let’s talk about this inside?”

Soobin stands his ground despite the way Beomgyu is holding his hand, urging him inside. He brushes off the pleasant thoughts of Beomgyu’s fingers around his own and continues, “No. You owe it to me. Right away, right here.”

“Soobin,” Beomgyu says in a hushed tone, far different than the one Soobin has been using all this while, “the neighbors are going to think something is wrong.”

“Because there is. How are we supposed to live with some older man and his daughter?”

“He’s not that old, and that’s my niece, Soobin.”

Soobin emits a hostile tsk of his tongue, frustrated that Beomgyu thinks he has the upper hand—that he has the audacity to say such things, yet keep this all from Soobin.

“Hey,” Yeonjun valls in the distance with Miyeon walking beside him, “I thought I’d check up on you. Maybe all those stacks just toppled over you.” 

“I’m here, alive and well!” Soobin responds, agitated, unable to mask his anger towards some guy he just met thirty minutes ago. He stands before Yeonjun and presses the playmat into his chest, “here’s your mat.” 

“ Bin ,” Beomgyu sighs in disappointment.

Soobin barely registers the extra weight in his hand. He kneels down and gives Miyeon the plushie. “Here, baby. Let’s get to know each other later, okie?”

There’s a few calls of his name, be it Yeonjun or Beomgyu but he really doesn’t care right now. He feels an enormous amount of betrayal for being kept in the dark. Is it because of Beomgyu not mentioning that his brother will be staying over long term or is it because Beomgyu kept something from Soobin. Does he not care what he runs through with Soobin? Does he not think Soobin is not important enough to know? Does he forget that Soobin is apart of his life? Either way, it all hurts . 

There’s a knock at his bedroom door a few hours later. Something tells him it isn’t Beomgyu, otherwise the man would already storm in without hesitation. 

“Soobin, can we talk?”

They don’t know each other to sound that serious. It irks Soobin. 

“Whatever,” he mumbles half heartedly. 

Yeonjun comes into his bedroom with a click behind him. Soobin straightens up and welcomes Yeonjun to sit at the edge of the bed with him. To Soobin’s surprise, Yeonjun actually accepts his offer. 

“I didn’t know what Beomgyu did or didn’t tell you. I feel really bad for storming in here like this. I just want to say it was never my intention to make you feel in the dark. I don’t think it was fair of Beomgyu. But he also lied to me too…told me you’d be cool with it. Clearly, you aren’t. I’m really sorry, but I need somewhere to stay if that’s fine with you. I’ll try my best to leave as soon as possible.”

Soobin doesn’t realize he’s gnawing on his lip until the bed creaks, Yeonjun glancing at him with intensity in his eyes. He doesn’t like how he feels beneath them. 

“Oh, it’s not your fault. I know. I’m just upset with Beomgyu, like you said. He didn’t tell me,” Soobin lets out a sigh before carrying on his honesty, “I don’t mind that you or your daughter are here. That’s where you’re wrong. Please, stay as long as you need.”

Yeonjun emits a sudden chuckle, startling Soobin. “The rebel that Choi Beomgyu is, right? I’ll have you know I’m the angel in the family.”

“Oh, really?” Soobin snickers. “I think it’s Miyeon.”

"You just met her."

"I have good judgment. I think Miyeon is an angel."

“Takes after her father.”

Soobin raises a brow to playfully provoke the man. “Hm. I guess I’ll spend my days getting to know you both.”

“Me, too. I hope I get to know you, too.” Yeonjun flashes a radiant smile, one that oddly causes Soobin’s heart to race erratically. 

୨♡୧

Soobin wakes up bright and early in the morning to prepare forgive me breakfast. Though Beomgyu is the fault of his anger, Soobin shouldn’t have reacted that way. He chooses to let Beomgyu know instead of surprising him—his little petty decision that he hopes Beomgyu takes note of. 

“Beomie,” Soobin says in a hushed tone before slipping into the covers and plopping on top of Beomgyu’s body. “I’m sorry for acting out of line. How about I make it up to you?”

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry, I should've told you. I've known for a few weeks, sorry, Bun” Beomgyu replies in his groggy morning voice, something that makes Soobin’s loins stir every single time. Even if they’ve lived together for years, he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it. Even as he confesses something so infuriating, Soobin can't help but dwell on the voice more and forget all of the problems.

Soobin traces his roommate's stiff brow with his thumb, wanting all of his hurt and confusion to be erased. He feels bad that Beomgyu seems apologetic still. Soobin already forgives him. “Breakfast. Sunny side eggs?”

“Hm, I’ll be up in a minute to help.”

“No, no. I want to prepare it for you,” Soobin insists, nuzzling deeper into Beomgyu’s neck, breathing in his familiar scent. 

Soobin hears the voices before he can process the words but he’s currently hearing a father who is too chirpy in the morning, singsonging, “Ooh! Miyeon, looks like someone’s awake and welcoming you. Uncle Beom’s door is open! Oh—sorry! We’ll just come back!” 

Beomgyu’s eyes widen beneath him and Soobin doesn’t get it. He gives Beomgyu a curious brow before Beomgyu shoves him off. 

“Go make breakfast,” he says huskily. 

Soobin gets up with a stretch and is surprised to find Yeonjun cradling Miyeon beside the open door. His face is set in a winced expression, almost embarrassed. 

“Is he decent?” 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t he be?”

“Uh—“ Yeonjun cuts himself off, shrugging instead. 

“Huh, I dunno. Anyway, I’m going to make breakfast,” Soobin says quickly, then gallops down the stairs with Beomgyu’s order on his mind.

The pan is hot and ready when Yeonjun comes downstairs. As Soobin is cracking the eggs he feels the presence hovering behind him, a tingly and irritating sensation on his back. 

“Yes, hyung?” Soobin says, looking over his shoulder. He finds Yeonjun not too far behind. “Personal space,” he teases, even if he’s serious about Yeonjun needing to back off. He’s really breathing down Soobin’s neck, just inches apart keeping his lips distanced. 

"Oh, hyung, huh?"

Soobin squints in confusion. Did he really say that? He and Beomgyu don't use honorifics, and even if this is embedded into his lifestyle, under this household roof, it just never needed to exist,.so he is unsure why it came out so naturally just now. 

"I don't know where that came from," he admits. 

"Just means you're well mannered."

Soobin scoffs, "sure."

"I hadn't had anyone call me that in ages, of course other than Beomgyu. Keep using it." 

Soobin turns around with his spatula in his hand. "At least say please," he teases. 

Yeonjun shrugs with a pleading expression. "Soobin, please."

Soobin didn't expect that despite their dialogue playing out. He quickly averts his attention to his pan, back facing Yeonjun.

"Fried eggs?”

“Yeah, what about it?” Soobin grumbles quielty, still unwilling to accept the exchange that happened seconds ago.

“How about I show you eggs leveled up?”

Soobin allows the eggs to cook for themselves, back to giving Yeonjun all of his attention again. “And mine are level one or something? I was going to eat it with soy sauce.”

“I want you to try my Japanese omelet.”

Soobin shrugs and nudges his chin towards the fridge. “There’s four more left. If you and Miyeon eat eggs often, I’ll make sure to get a large carton soon.” 

“Yeah, I had Beom do a small checklist but it was mostly about milk and vegetables. Because you guys do not eat any greens here.”

Soobin gasps. “Hey, I eat all the vegetables, that’s why we run out so often.”

“Good. Vegetables are an important part of our diets.”

“Yeah, tell that to Beomie,” Soobin scoffs playfully. 

Yeonjun emits a deep laughter that causes Soobin to unknowingly bite his lip. “With me here, I’d say both your chances of a better dieting lifestyle are high.” 

“What makes you say that? Do you think we eat poorly in this household?”

“You insist you don’t, and I trust you. Now I may not have been home for a while, but Beomgyu…I saw his chips and candy wrappers in his bedroom garbage last night."

Soobin can’t help but join in on the laughter, and the teasing as well, “he eats pudding cups for snacks at work and dunks his chips in cheese dip.”

“Hm, I believe that. So, how about you get to know Miyeon while I take it from here?” 

“I didn’t know we invited a personal chef over,” Soobin teases, absentmindedly poking Yeonjun’s chest. 

Yeonjun’s eyes don’t leave his and for whatever reason, Soobin can’t seem to look away either. He didn’t notice it yesterday, maybe clouded by all this confusion, but Yeonjun is fairly handsome. Pretty eye shape and a nice curve of his nose and plush lips. Soobin thinks they’d feel soft against his own thin lips. The sizzle makes him lower his finger and turn around, looking for Miyeon who is sitting on her playmat with building blocks. 

“Hi, little baby, what are you making?” 

Miyeon points at her building blocks without a verbal response. Soobin doesn't know if he's supposed to make an educated guess or would that offend her if he says the wrong thing?

"Darling, tell Soobin what you are working on," Yeonjun says from behind them.

"A house."

Yeonjun giggles, "Oh, that's a beautiful house. Soobin might think so, too. He might even want to be a part of building it. Wanna ask him to help while I finish breakfast for all of us?"

"Okay, here," she says warmly, extending her arm to give Soobin an orange triangular block.

Soobin takes the piece and places it on top of the tower she built. She claps at the final masterpiece. Soobin even earns a high five. He clearly isn't an expert with children but this seems enough for Soobin to know he is doing a good job.

"It looks good," Soobin attempts. "Super cool!"

"Yes, I love how it looks," she squeaks, appearing overjoyed. He didn't think something so simple could make anyone so happy.

"Thank you for helping!"

"You're super welcome. Should we make more?"

"Lots!"

Soobin receives a token of appreciation, another block. And another, and another—until they have built a tiny community.

As it turns out Yeonjun is a tremendous cook, unsurprisingly. Apparently, he was a stay at home dad with a couple of artsy freelance jobs. Plenty of time to learn to cook, take up on hobbies like knitting, and understand which chemical combinations work best to get stains out of the carpet. He tells Soobin he’s a bit of a clean freak but won’t hold it against them and will just clean where he’s asked to, in a way not to invade. 

“I’ll make sure to turn my do not disturb sign to welcoming maids ,” Soobin teases. “Clean my bedroom anytime you’d like!” 

“I could probably pull off a sexy male maid outfit, my arms and chest out and frills all around me and maybe a bowtie and everything.”

Soobin nearly spits out his tea at the remark. He doesn’t respond, knowing damn well that Yeonjun and his sharp shoulders would definitely look good with silky apron straps over them. 

“You’re the funny one, Soobin. Don't go spilling over because of me.”

“Not really. Just replying,” Soobin says before taking another sip of his tea. 

“Yeah, but you're different from when we first met.”

“That’s because you were a total stranger.” And I thought you were Beomgyu's new play thing. 

“So what are we now, friends?”

“Roommates, apparently,” Soobin chuckles, “but sure, maybe we’re on our way?”

“Good. I don’t want any conflict while I’m here.”

“Me? The conflict. That’s Beomgyu.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

୨♡୧

Soobin's first time alone with a child happens four days into this new living situation.

The father abandoned them not even ten seconds ago and now Soobin's palms are clammy and he can't seem to breathe correctly. He is terrified Miyeon will start choking on her food and then Soobin will be unable to help because he skipped out on CPR training and kept pushing aside his license every season. 

Yeonjun left a twenty something year old with no child experience to supervise a child. Most of the time, Beomgyu wouldn't leave Soobin alone unsupervised just as the way Soobin can't trust Beomgyun to be competent alone with simple tasks either. 

But now Soobin is here, sitting beside a baby while her dad empties his bladder. He shot right up the moment Soobin stepped foot into the kitchen, claiming how he couldn't leave a hot pan unattended so he couldn't go on a bathroom break. And then how he normally would leave Miyeon for a few minutes but he can't right now since it's still a new place for her.

Soobin wouldn't give into such a favor but the trepidation on Yeonjun's face made Soobin cave in. 

"So…" Soobin starts. Is he supposed to talk to children when they eat? "Is that good?"

"Yummy. Want some?"

While the aroma is warm and buttery, Soobin doesn't want to steal the child's garlic bread. He can probably scarf that down in one bite whereas she'll spend the entire afternoon eating the slice. He ends up answering, "no thanks."

"But it's super good. Cheesy, too!"

"Oh, when you put it that way, sure. I could try a little bit."

Miyeon practically shoves the slice of bread into Soobin's mouth. It's not hot, otherwise he thinks his lips would burn. But she's either really determined in having Soobin's tastebuds immersed with the garlic or she has terrible aim because the bread is chafing against his upper gums even with his mouth opened wide. Soobin eventually finds purchase with his teeth but Miyeon doesn't pull away.

"Wow," Soobin says with a mouthful, finding it difficult to take a proper bite. "Really good," he says anyway.

" Soobin ."

It feels like a scolding for eating his daughter’s food but when he whips his face over his shoulder, Yeonjun is there with a plate and a smile. He stands tall, hovering over them both. Miyeon's hand still gripping the bread in his mouth, Soobin hardly processing how authoritative Yeonjun looks. Despite the upright corners of his lips, Soobin feels caught in a wrongful act.

"I wasn't—" the garlic bread from his mouth falls onto his lap, crumbs spilling everywhere.

"If you ever want to eat something Miyeon has, just ask. I always make more than enough," Yeonjun chuckles, inching the plate lower towards Soobin.

"That's not what happened," Soobin says flustered while shaking his head, "I'm alright, seriously. I don't want any."

Yeonjun kneels down to pick up the discarded toast off his lap before taking a smug bite. "I'll finish this one then and give the new one to Miyeon. If you have second thoughts, yours will be in the oven." 

"But I don't."

"Don't?"

"I don't wanna eat. Miyeon wanted to feed me."

Yeonjun shakes his head with an amused grin. "Daughter like father. You should see the look on your face. I'm not accusing you of taking her food. Please, just always eat whatever I make if you'd like to." 

Soobin shivers but can't seem to divert his eyes from the father. There's nothing to be afraid about, but Soobin was left alone with Yeonjun's daughter and who knows how long he watched Soobin struggle to eat a slice of bread that he didn't actually want. "Okay," he mutters, just to get this over with.

"Great, we've come to a mutual understanding. Now, thank you for watching her. Where you headed?"

"Meeting Beomgyu for dinner." Soobin pauses for a moment, oddly guilty that they get to go out but Yeonjun has to stay home. He would invite him if it were just himself, but in this instance he values his alone time with Beomgyu very much. "Need me to pick up anything?" 

"The eggs you promised would be amazing."

"Noted."

"Have a good time. Miyeon says thank you!"

Soobin couldn't get out of there faster.

୨♡୧

Living with two extra housemates isn’t all that bad. Not when Soobin is busy with school and a job. 

Prior, despite Soobin already knowing that Yeonjun is a decent man, he imagined the guy would be either strict or a snoozer while living with them. He’s not anal or boring, he’s actually hardly home doing who knows what. They haven’t talked about it much. 

The baby isn’t even fussy as Soobin thought she would be as well. She’s mostly awake when Soobin is getting ready for his day, usually watching a learning show on Yeonjun’s tablet while eating snacks. Yeonjun is either topless, doing a workout in the living room or wearing these surprisingly sexy spectacles, absorbed in laptop work. Soobin tries not to ogle during either of the events, but what can he say, he’s living with ( another ) hot roommate. Oh, Brothers . 

Anyway, with Soobin out for most of the afternoon, he comes home to her napping. And coming home to Yeonjun also napping. Which is kind of humorous, really. As a grown ass adult, Soobin doesn’t get such privileges. He is always at campus or work, just like Beomgyu on a daily basis. 

They only see each other at dinner. It has become sort of a tradition for the household to eat together. Back then, Beomgyu or Soobin would buy something and lazily eat on the couch with a show in the background But now with their maid-slash-chef they eat very homey, warmly cooked meals nearly every night. The dinner table is always set—Soobin on Beomgyu’s right, Miyeon in her high chair, and Yeonjun across from him. 

It’s been two weeks like this. 

Soobin also discovered that Yeonjun is basically a single dad, that as much could've been figured out from the moment he appeared with a child in his arms and numerous boxes. He seems to have everything under control and somehow that makes Soobin admire him.

At some point, Yeonjun offered to cover both their rent payments, making Soobin wonder what he really does when he isn’t at home. He takes Miyeon with him on some days, but other days he mentions a daycare. 

Soobin has never really asked.

It’s good for him because he could use a little time with Beomgyu. While the father and daughter duo don’t really get in his hair, he misses when all of Beomgyu’s attention was on him. Beomgyu patting his head before they part ways on the driveway—even though Beomgyu had to get on his tippy toes. Beomgyu bringing something home for Soobin to eat from a new shop he tried after classes. Beomgyu sitting on the couch letting Soobin snuggle against him under the same blanket. He just misses his best friend, housemate, and lover ( not lover ). 

Soobin finally gets the chance when the two best friends are sitting beside each other on the floor, game controllers in their hands.

“Hey, so what does your brother do? Like, how is he affording his share and why does he wanna pay the entire bill?” He tries to ask casually, like he isn't all that nosy . 

After Beomgyu manages to duck a punch, he responds, “Yeonjun has many gigs. That’s what it took to survive overseas, I think it just stuck. I mean, I think he had a good job where he was but had all sorts of stuff on the side.”

“Like?”

“I don’t know. You ask him. He’s an artist or something. Does photography, painting, I think he dances and sings at some bars, too. He's a handyman, I wouldn't be surprised if he posts roles like that online and takes them, too. He does a lot.”

Soobin wonders outloud, “But sometimes he takes Mi.”

“People love kids. Maybe his clients on photo shoots don’t mind much.”

“He sure has a lot of hobbies,” Soobin whistles, rolling to his side when Beomgyu succeeds with a single blow to Soobin's character, knocking him out, “It would be easier to just be a camboy or something with a face like his.”

“Did I hear that correctly?” Beomgyu gasps, discarding his controller over his shoulder.

“Yeah, I called your brother an online sex worker. No shame. If I wasn’t stumped in all this workload or didn’t live with you, it’s something I’d resort to.” Soobin has seen a few things here and there, feels like he doesn't have the personality for it, but some people wear sexy masks or avoid showing their faces, he might be able to pull something off if he was under an entire new persona. It's a long shot, but he supposes he isn't against it, and wouldn't be stumble upon Yeonjun's face on his favorite jerk websites one day.

Beomgyu crawls towards Soobin's lap, resulting in a rush of heat rising up Soobin's spine and towards his ears. He plops his head down on Soobin's lap, something totally frequent but it still gets Soobin's heart going thumpthumpthumpthump . 

“Okay, we’re going to have to come back to this later but no…you think my brother is attractive?” he says, peering up at Soobin like he's the moon shining above him in a dark night.

“Please, it’s not what you think. He’s just good looking.”

“So you think I’m good looking?”

Soobin darts his eyes away from Beomgyu's curious gaze, leaning back with his weight on his palms to further their distance, even in the slightest. “I mean, yeah. You know that, don’t you?”

“So are you attracted to me?”

Soobin scoffs, “I mean you’re handsome, yeah.”

“Aww!" Beomgyu's hands spring up to pinch Soobin’s cheeks, “I’m so in love with you, too.”

“ Hey guys… ”

It's great timing really, Soobin needs to thank Yeonjun later for showing up out of nowhere—something he is sort of a professional at. Regardless of Yeonjun stepping through that door or not, Soobin was going to get into panic mode and scurry off. He didn't need— never needs—to hear Beomgyu playing around like that. 

Soobin shoves Beomgyu off his lap, announcing, “I forgot I have something due tonight.”

“We’re not done yet, don’t let Mr. Attractive ruin the vibe. We were just getting started.”

“Should I leave?” Yeonjun says with a nervous chuckle. 

Soobin dismisses his suggestion with a head shake and, “No, you just got home. I gotta go. Maybe I can play with Miyeon later?”

“Sounds good. I’ll start dinner.”

“I might eat in my room later," Soobin says with a gigantic shrug, "big deadline.”

Beomgyu doesn’t mean any of the things he says. Those kind of words that rock people's worlds. I miss you, I'm waiting for you, I want to see you, I feel the same way, I love you, I am yours . Those words are jumbled up together to form sweet phrases that are filled with nothingness when it comes from Beomgyu's mouth to Soobin.

Soobin could have protected himself long ago, could have declined Beomgyu's offer to live together. But how was he supposed to say no when he was already head over heels for the boy during their tender prepubescent years. 

Now Soobin lives with the longing and unrequited feelings that only seem to grow stronger every day of his life. 

Their other friends seem to know, Taehyun encouraging him to move on and Hueningkai begging him to confess. 

One piece of advice led to a few of the most humiliating memories of Soobin's life. 

Soobin sought out one boy in high school, confirmed his sexuality by sleeping together a couple months into their thing , only for said boy to realize it was a mistake, leaving Soobin to sulk over wasted time—being with another person, and losing quality time with his best friend, Beomgyu. 

And aside from one or two fumbled hookups, there were a couple of intimate relationships during university that didn't get too far. The feelings weren't all the way there, felt like he was just warming his bed with most of them. He mostly made a fool of himself, looking into their eyes and imagining it was Beomgyu when they spent time together. And when he wasn't the one trying to look for another to ease his hurt, he easily rejected a few men, clouded with everything that should be Beomgyu. Nobody seemed quite like him, they weren't him . Not their looks or their personality or the way they talked to Soobin. Not how they teased him or took care of him or made him laugh or annoyed him. Nobody compared to Beomgyu. 

Soobin and Beomgyu simply had a connection. One that is beyond one sided, it seems as if Soobin and Beomgyu are at two different ends of the bridge across the entire universe. Maybe there is no connection, and Soobin has been pining for too long that it has almost become somewhat of a second nature.

When pain becomes this unbearable after Beomgyu's lingering touches or Soobin's fond memories between them, he starts to wonder if this is all worth it. Maybe he should just break free. 

"Soobin, dinner."

There he goes again. As much as Soobin dislikes being bothered when he wants to be alone, he has gotten familiar with Yeonjun's persistence. He wouldn't even call it that anymore. Yeonjun is caring and nurturing and sort of…puts Soobin first? It's an endearing habit or trait of Yeonjun—or it could be that Soobin is basking in a different kind of attention lately and it feels nice.

Soobin opens the door and crosses his arms, playfully pretending to interrogate Yeonjun, "what are you, my dad?"

"I'm nowhere near the age of your father," Yeonjun chuckles. 

"Probably not," Soobin shrugs and invites Yeonjun into his bedroom. Yeonjun chooses to stand meanwhile Soobin plops on his desk chair and asks, "how old are you anyway?"

"I'm thirty two years young, and you?"

Gazing up at the man before him—someone he's only known for a few weeks now—Soobin would've never imagined. There is something in his lifestyle or skincare routine that allows him to remain radiant and youthful. His crinkles around his eyes make his smile look authentic, nothing like age wrinkles that start to develop. His scruff makes him rather attractive, seemingly sexy for his bachelor aesthetics, all his rolled up button down sleeves and shiny watches and fitted slacks, minus the kid on his arm 24/7.  

The sound of Yeonjun clearing his throat makes Soobin blink away. He doesn't know how long he's been staring but he responds, "Is that really a question? I'm the same age as Beomgyu. We went to school together."

"Hm, I left when he was ten about to finish primary school."

"That's the age we met. I was a new student on that campus when, as you know, everyone gets to graduate that year. Beomgyu was the only person who took me into their friend group. We've been together for eleven years now." Oddly, that should make Soobin boast with happiness and pride, that he has the fortune to have a best friend since childhood. All it does is make his lip wobble again. 

"Feelings can be overwhelming sometimes," Yeonjun says gently, not without bringing a thumb against Soobin's cheek and swiping tenderly. "Sorry, it's habitual. Um, well, goodnight." 

୨♡୧

Soobin wakes up at an unusual time on his phone screen, not registering how many times he must've hit the snooze button but just knowing he never gets out of bed that late. 

In the bathroom, he recalls how late his crying kept him up. The traces of his puffy eyes and gnawed lip from trying to suppress the noise tells him enough. He gets ready in the blink of an eye before storming down the stairs, and is faced with the second to last person he would want to see. Not like this. Not when he is a wreck, shirt probably on backwards and eyes so botched up, he feels like they're his own set of clouds on his face. Probably ready to precipitate all over again any minute now. 

"Hey, you're late for class, aren’t you? I wanted to  check up on you since you must've worked very hard on that deadline but I wasn't sure," Yeonjun says, words laced with concern. 

Soobin has trouble reeling in Yeonjun's tenderness because he is wearing a silly apron with polka dots and crayons and art brushes. "Ummm," he mutters, lost in a trace. Yeonjun is also shirtless beneath it with his muscly arms on display. 

"Come on, give me five minutes." 

"Why? I gotta go." Soobin glances at his phone. Thirty minutes into his first block already.

"Well, you take the train, right? I can save you the walk, checking in, and shorten your walk on campus and drop you off closest to your class."

Soobin squints. That's what Yeonjun was getting at? "No, no. I can't have you doing that for me, hyung," Soobin declines mannered.

"The longer we carry out this conversation, the later you'll be."

"I'm already late."

"Exactly, and I can prevent you from wasting any more time. I was going to take Miyeon to daycare anyway. Get her sweater and shoes on for me. I'll be back down in two minutes. Okay?"

There's no arguing with a parent, much less if the parent is Persistent Choi Yeonjun. He is so Mister Bossy. It's nothing Soobin isn't used to, the two brothers have that trait in common.

Soobin finds the little girl in her usual spot every morning, and after class, and before dinner. He feels mildly bad for her having no other things to play with besides a couple of toys that are all the same. The playmat is a bit worn out after all the snacking and napping and playing here. Soobin makes a mental reminder to ask Yeonjun if he wants to occupy the living room with more of her things and possibly buy a new mat. 

"Hi, Miyeon, good morning. You look almost ready to play with your friends," Soobin coos brightly, tapping her knee methodically. She has warmed up to him just fine, but it's the morning and there's no telling what mood she'll be in. She had fussed many times after waking up before, the boisterous shrill from mornings ago still haunting Soobin's ears. 

"Hi, Soop. Play?"

"Maybe later. Do you want to play somewhere else? Soobin has witnessed the magic of bribery, but he also wouldn't want to call it that. More like incentivising. Yeonjun suggests one thing in replacement for a better alternative where everyone wins. It's just what Soobin is attempting now. "If you let me get you ready, we can play even more!" 

Miyeon gets up hurriedly and races towards the bins by the home's shared shoe rack. "Come on, Soop. My shoes!" 

"That's right! Can you do it?" 

"Yup!"

Soobin doesn't really know if she does know how to put shoes on alone but he decides to grab her pullover from the coat hanger instead. By the time he turns around and brings his gaze extremely low, her shoes are actually on. Velcro attached and everything. He knees down with her to help with the outer layer, playing peek-a-boo when her head pokes out as a finale. 

"Your dad is gonna be so proud that we finished before him, hmm?" Soobin says while pulling her into his arms and waiting by the front door. 

"Is that so? I'd say we got ready around the same time," Yeonjun announces with a smug attitude, hopping down the stairs. "You just have the advantage of being downstairs."

"Wow, trying to steal a trophy from your daughter?" Soobin says with fake astonishment, swinging around to shield Miyeon from her father. 

Yeonjun surprisingly gets close to Soobin, his breath fanning against Soobin's cheek. Any closer and his lips will be on it. "You're right, I am proud, though," he says lowly. Soobin stands frozen, wonders if he gravitates towards the warmth. Even despite their proximity and Soobin's willingness, Yeonjunls lips meet Miyeon's cheek instead with a playful, "come on, baby, let's take this silly boy to school, shall we?" 

"Me? Silly boy?!"

"Yeah, next time make enough room for your assignment and get a full amount of rest. Or else, I'll have to help with your homework."

Soobin just gawks at the man strutting out the door, walking as if he didn't spread his dad-agenda all over Soobin, yet again. It’s a peculiar feeling, one that Soobin doesn't necessarily dislike. 

Yeonjun is waiting by the car after Soobin locks the house door. He almost wonders why but realizes the weight in his arms. Yeonjun takes his daughter and Soobin slips into the passenger seat. 

With the time it takes Yeonjun to fasten Miyeon, Soobin gets a good look at the dashboard, noticing several photos of Miyeon and many rattle-noise toys. There's some star shaped crackers and crumbs in between the tight crevices. It's an endearing scene, considering Beomgyu’s car is in top shape with only a lucky guitar pick in his cup holder. 

It's the first time he thinks of Beomgyu today, when usually the man is the first thing he wakes up to. Either from a good morning text or Soobin's mind wondering if he arrived on campus safely. All Soobin thought of since the morning was how ugly he looked, but even then, he didn't have the heart to blame it on the person who caused it—Beomgyu. So, yeah. He didn't cross his mind at all, until now. And it hurts all over again. 

"Hey, don't look so down. We'll make it before your next class starts, okay?"

"Hm, yeah. Thanks for this." 

The drive goes smoothly, minus the children's nursery music that Yeonjun seems to know all the lyrics to. Every now and then he would shake an elephant rattle to encourage Miyeon to sing. It's a bit irksome but Soobin likes hearing Yeonjun and Miyeon's giggles. It even strings a few lines out of Soobin, him learning fairly quickly after one chorus.  

"You skipped breakfast," Yeonjun mentions after the third song ends. 

"Yeah, I will just find something on campus."

"Okay. Do you need me to pick you up?" 

"No, that won't be necessary."

Yeonjun hums, the sound of the left signal and Yeonjun following it in pursuit pauses the conversation for a moment. "I have a gig today and will get her around the time you're off. Wanna get lunch?"

Soobin should say no. That he likes his best friend's brother enough, but isn't really interested in having a meal with him. On the other hand, no one knows how long Yeonjun is staying with them so he might as well get to know him over a meal other than the same familiar dinner table scene.

"Okay, sounds good, hyung."

The ride repeats similarly after that brief conversation. Yeonjun bids Soobin goodbye with a warm smile. He tells him to have a lovely day and that he will see him soon.

It’s been a long time since he shared the small space of a car, other than with Beomgyu. It's been a year since his last boyfriend who would express similar goodbyes when he sent him to class after sleeping over or dropped him home after a date. While Soobin never fell in love with any of his partners, he still enjoyed their care and company. He longs for that caring intimacy again throughout the entire time it takes him to walk to his second class. 

Soobin manages to make it on campus—thanks for Yeonjun and his insistence in taking Soobin to the parking lot nearest to his class—just in time to talk to his professor and apologize. Meanwhile, what's done is done and there is a syllabus of coursework, he still likes being on his teachers' good side.

The rest of his academic day goes by painfully slowly but somehow Yeonjun's plans keep him going. Then suddenly, his classes are over and just like that, Yeonjun is in the same parking spot waiting for Soobin with fashionable black sunglasses on. 

Soobin has always gathered this information: Yeonjun is fine. Like incredibly so, sometimes Soobin has a difficult time averting his eyes. 

There is a sharp, crisp way he is put together. It all varies, probably based on his schedules. On some days, he dresses in wrinkle free, loose button up tops with loose pants and other days he just wants to wear sleeveless tees with torn baggy jeans. And on an even better day, he has the most lavish looking coats and heeled dress shoes. 

Today, like many other days when he is dressed casually, he accessorizes with his hoop earrings and those damn sunglasses. It makes him look untouchable, intimidating, and fearless. 

Soobin is surprised to be so drawn into an aesthetic, considering he's only dated guys like himself. The ones who dress clean, as if everyday they are meeting their partner's mother. A typical, good natured lead role in a kdrama, some would say. 

And then there’s Beomgyu who is neither his exes, nor Yeonjun. He can’t really comprehend Beomgyu's taste. Come to think of it now, he has he ever paid attention to it. He just likes Beomgyu.

All of exes this and Beomgyu that get discared out of his mind when he catches Yeonjun checking himself out in the sunshade window, pulling his sunglasses over his head and biting his lip in what seems like serious contemplating. Soobin only thinks, well fuck . 

They sit across one another in a booth, Miyeon on a booster beside Yeonjun. The aroma of broth and mint is enough to make Soobin's mouth water but he doesn't show it. It's just the two of them with two large bowls as they keep playing a game of who's going to dig in first. Eventually Soobin does, causing Yeonjun to join in right after. 

"So, how was your gig ?" Soobin ponders, making sure to emphasize the last bit, hoping Yeonjun would elaborate on what that really is. 

"One of many," Yeonjun replies, "I actually had a quick cinematic video shoot. Hence the really big bag I went down the stairs with."

"Hm, I didn't notice. What else do you do?"

"I was a part of a media company as an editor but I was an amateur photographer. But you come up here, set up some online ads about schooling in America and suddenly you're a fine piece off— ass ," he says, coming to a whisper to hide his vulgarity . "So, yeah. I'm booked quite generously here and doing good with it. Including the one-third rent, it's a decent living here. A little bit small to live with Miyeon, but better here than with my parents again or alone." 

Soobin lights up at the opportunity to express what he came up with earlier this morning. "I'm happy you are settling in nicely. And I wanted to mention something along those lines, but since you brought that up first, are you interested in the master bedroom then?"

Yeonjun seems displeased, dropping his spoon urgently and waving his hands frantically in dismissal. "Wait, no way. I couldn't."

"You can't but what about Mi?" Soobin reaches for her tiny hand. It's the way all her fingers curl around Soobin's single finger, making him eagerly ask her, "don't you want a big bedroom with your own potty and bathtub, hmm?" 

Yeonjun chuckles, it's bubbly and warm coming from the belly. It's a really pleasing sound to Soobin and a part of his brain wants to come up with more ways to punch this noise out of Yeonjun. "Miyeonnie, how does that sound? Do you want to be Soobin's roommate?"

Soobin's eyes widen incredulously. "No, I mean you can have the whole thing for just you two!" 

"I was just teasing. I know. And if you really don't mind, I do think Miyeon could use the space. We would appreciate it so much," Yeonjun reasons.

Soobin assures with a gentle tone, "I really, really would be okay with trading rooms." 

"You'd be closer to Beomgyu, too."

Soobin shakes off that detail, equally enamored and painstriken. Who knows what Beomgyu would get up to as they share a wall. It's a relief that Beomgyu hasn't been talking about anyone new lately. He would sleep in the bathroom if he had to.

A beat and a burger bite later, Soobin excitedly suggests, "How about I help you arrange today, when we get home?" 

"Hm, that soon? I guess the sooner the better."

Yeonjun continues to eat and feed Miyeon in between. With the way Yeonjun is always cooking breakfast and dinner, Soobin has never actually witnessed Yeonjun doing the eating part. During breakfast, Soobin doesn't always sit down and during dinner they are immersed in relaying their own days. Soobin doesn't get to do what he is doing right now—eat slowly and absorb everything before him. 

The older man eats so passionately, like someone will steal his bowl before he could finish it. Something about the sight makes Soobin so warm, makes him wanna go all domestic on Yeonjun and cook for him and be the one behind Yeonjun's happiness as he ravages a home cooked meal.

"Something on my face?"

Startled, Soobin quickly responds, "Huh. No!"

"Well, you're staring. I'm starting to think I look really ugly eating."

"Oh, don't think that. I'm just—how do you put it—endeared? It's just that you eat very well. It's really tasty to you, isn't it?"

Yeonjun hums, the happiness showing in his eyes by the way they crinkle as he smiles, "Oh, delicious! I could never make it this good."

"Keep eating," Soobin says simply.

With all these inconsistencies and struggles in Yeonjun's life, Soobin can't help but think Yeonjun deserves all the tasty big fat pho dishes for the rest of his life. 

By the time they arrive home, Miyeon is asleep. Yeonjun takes her out of the carseat and instructs Soobin to carry the ginormous equipment bag. He heaves but manages, mentally fooling himself to think this is practice before he has to move all his bedroom furniture out and into a new, smaller bedroom. 

Yeonjun moved the crib into Beomgyu's bedroom before putting her into it meanwhile Soobin starts to undo his bedsheets.

They agreed on letting Yeonjun keep Soobin's queen size bed and most of the furniture considering they wouldn't fit in the small spare bedroom anyway. Soobin will obviously be taking his personal belongings and the bookshelf because it's the only thing he wants, the spare bedroom being furnished with only a bed and desk. Soobin is going to have to make do with moving all of his clothes into the closet and possibly get another dresser for it since he used both in his original room. 

Soobin declines the help when Soobin is working on his dresser, not wanting Yeonjun to see any of his adult fun things in the top drawer. He happily resorts in tidying his new space instead. 

At some point in the midst of moving Yeonjun's things into Soobin's now-former bedroom, Soobin learns that they work very well together without fussing. Between him and Beomgyu, though they are compatible and have been friends for very long, one mild disagreement can have them biting back and forth. It doesn't take much for Yeonjun to decide something and Soobin is going out of his way to make it happen, and vice versa. 

While the both bedrooms are nearly void of each other's things, the only thing left is Soobin's shelf and the contents within it. Probably the most difficult task saved for last since there's just way too much stuff here. 

Yeonjun carries stacks of books into Soobin's new room whenever Soobin places down a new pile on the ground. In between the work, Soobin and Yeonjun frequently exchange words—mostly Yeonjun asking why he owns something or why he likes a particular book.

By the time it's all empty, Soobin heaves a well earned sigh and tackles the weight of the bookshelf. But with a cry . 

"Hyung? Where did you go! This is too heavy to carry alone." Soobin frowns when there is no response. 

Up until a few seconds later, Yeonjun is strutting into the room with a silly bounce as he shouts, "Wait up! I'm here, see? Miyeon woke up, but I prepared a show. Come on, let's do it!"

They take charge of either side, his hand tries to find a good grip but his movements are too fast. He releases the shelf with a scorching pain.

" Ow! Fuck, fuck ," Soobin hisses, his finger sporting an immediate stream of blood. He plops onto the bed and squeezes it to stop the bleeding, even if he doubts that is how to prevent it. 

"What's wrong? What happened?" Yeonjun says with panic as he instantly hovers over Soobin.

"Loose nail from the shelf, it was sharp and glided across me when I tried to grip it."

"Okay, wait here."

Soobin shakes his head, preparing to stand up but Yeonjun presses him down by the shoulders.

"I'll help. Sit still. I'll be right back!"

Persistence, again. 

Yeonjun returns shortly with a first aid kit. Soobin turns his head to the side while Yeonjun rustles through the bag. He doesn't have to look in order to know that the sound of liquid in a bottle is antiseptics. The spray sound comes, the sting follows. His jaw is clenched as it spreads. Soobin hears the tearing of paper and just like that Soobin is brand new, spotting his wounded area covered by a bandaid with neon stars.

"Miyeon likes stars," Yeonjun says with a fond smile as he admires the craftsmanship he did on Soobin's finger.

"I'm sorry I interfered and hurt myself," Soobin says quietly, disappointed to have wasted Yeonjun's time when he could be playing with his daughter sooner. 

"Hey, don't apologize, it's okay, honey."

Soobin doesn’t dwell on how natural the pet name escaped Yeonjun's lips, much .

"Thank you for this though," Soobin responds, raising his finger in the air shyly.

"No problem. I'll just wrap this up as well, then lemme show you something here after?"

Soobin isn't injured to the point of disability, but for whatever reason when Soobin expresses that, Yeonjun tells him to stop fussing and to relax now. Soobin doesn't know why he listens, but he supposes he is worn out and can put away his books and clothes later.

Yeonjun enlists him to bring Miyeon over and Soobin doesn't refute either. By the time he leaves Beomgyu's room with Miyeon in his arms, Yeonjun is in the hall lugging the bookshelf alone. 

"That's not heavy for you?" 

"Just a bit but I'll manage."

"Oh," Soobin squeaks, ears warming from his own humiliation. 

Yeonjun and Miyeon's room, Soobin thinks as he takes a look around. He places Miyeon onto the bed with her tablet before moving her crib to where his bookshelf just was. Everything else remains the same. Except now there's new comforters and dressers that are empty. Yeonjun no longer has to keep his bottom articles in storage containers. And maybe they can get another shelf for some of Miyeon's books in here.

And yet, it still isn't enough to represent the life of Yeonjun and Miyeon.

"All the heavy lifting is done," Yeonjun announces, wiping a brow with a triumphant look.

"Cool, I moved the crib somewhere comfy. If that look's okay."

Yeonjun sits beside Soobin and gives him a pat on the back. "Looks amazing."

Soobin tries not to think of the warmth radiating off of Yeonjun's body, despite feeling it so intensely. Instead he mentions, "there's no way this is all you have."

"No, I rent a storage for other things. Only the essentials are here. I did have a lot back at home but I had to leave them behind. My ex can do whatever she wants with them. I'm fortunate to keep the original copies of Yeonie's youth."

"It must've been hard," Soobin mumbles. He is not sure what he might be talking about exactly, but that's the only solace he can seem to deliver.

"In the end, as long as its me and Miyeon. But hey, that's what I wanted to show you. Do you want to see her photos?"

The toddler laughs as if she knows they are talking about her. With an elated grin, Soobin takes up on the offer. Yeonjun fetches one out of many from the containers. It's yellow with giraffes and elephants on them, a thick stack of sheets between the hardcover.

"I save all of her memories by age, so this is the album of her first year. I have one I am working on as we go right now. Then there's one as a family but I'm thinking about removing photos of her mom and just keeping them in an envelope for whenever Miyeon asks, but I hope that doesn't come up anytime soon," Yeonjun clears his throat then hands Soobin the album, "here, take a look. I'll have to show Beomgyu later, too."

Yeonjun plays a fond expression on his face whenever Soobin looks between the photos and the father. There is a story behind every photo he points at, whether it's just her with suds on her head in the tub, or a photo on the playground, Yeonjun seems to remember the memory in exact detail. 

Soobin believes Miyeon is everything to him. He has never been around parents other than his own or Beomgyu's to really see the sheer affection they have for their children, so this moment is very heartwarming to Soobin. He might have expected difficulties when they first arrived here, but Soobin finds himself being excited for the journey to unfold. He actually wants to be here for many of Yeonjun and Miyeon's new memories. Maybe after the two finally find better than here, Yeonjun and Soobin can remain good friends the way Beomgyu and Soobin are.

In the midst of moving onto the next book, Soobin hears the front door opening and closing. He shoots up quickly, giving an apologetic smile for seeming like he was waiting for any excuse to leave.

"Sorry, but I don't usually get to do the greeting since he's always home first. I wonder why he's so late," he explains, hands fidgety and sweaty for no apparent reason. "I'll come back."

"Don't apologize. Um, it's cool, I probably bored you with all of this. Don't worry, I'll put them away."

"No, if you wanna show me more, I'd be glad to look, hyung. I mean, I want to," Soobin admits, even if he doesn't know where it's coming from. Why does he want to spend his evening looking at more baby photos when he doesn't even have that great of a connection with Miyeon and Yeonjun yet, anyway?"

"Yeah? Okay, I'll be waiting then."

"Mhm!"

Soobin races down the stairs and catches Beomgyu in the kitchen with a juice carton in his hand. His backpack is still dangling from one shoulder and there's a streak of sweat running down his temple. 

"Hi, Beomie! I've had a long day, but it seems like you've had one too. What's up?"

"I stayed back to use the printer at the library and then went out to eat with Taehyun and Kai. What was so busy for you, have a good day?"

Soobin snickers and takes a seat on the counter, swinging his legs as he asks, "what with the sweat, though?"

"I think my car's ac is broken though. It was releasing warm, humid air. Might have to get that fixed. What's with you?"

"Actually, I overslept and Yeonjun took me to school."

Beomgyu squeals and gives Soobin a pat on the lap. "Oh, that's great. You two are getting along!"

"We are. And I offered my bedroom to him. Mostly for Miyeon. I started feeling awful about her limited space. I didn't realize how bad his bedroom was though until I saw the crib right by his bed. She can hardly play."

 "Thanks to you, they should feel more comfortable." Beomgyu gently rubs Soobin's thigh and Soobin instinctively places his hand on Beomgyu's own, encouraging it a little more. They both glance down at each other's hands and that's when Beomgyu coarsely asks, "Hey, whats that?" 

"Small injury. No big deal."

Beomgyu frowns, fingers circling Soobin's wrist, raising his hand between them. "Want me to kiss it better?"

"Please?"

Beomgyu plants a tender kiss against Soobin's bandage, something he has always done since they were younger. Soobin was always a clumsy child and teen. No matter how big or small of an injury, Beomgyu was always there, and with a kiss. It seems as their tradition hasn't changed considering Beomgyu is still offering it. Beomgyu has always done a tremendous job at healing his wounds and wiping his tears. It must be a Choi Brothers thing, Soobin thinks.

"Why are you laughing?" Beomgyu questions, giggling in unison. 

"Just…Yeonjun patched this all up, just like you always do."

"Did he kiss it better?"

"No."

Beomgyu scoffs, "Good."

Soobin doesn't want to know what that's all about.

"All better?" Beomgyu says after a beat. 

Soobin nods, dismissing himself to finish helping Yeonjun even if that's not it. He doesn't really know why he doesn't want to tell Beomgyu that they are actually getting along way better than imagined. Doesn't want to actually seem really into Yeonjun and his kid. Maybe he doesn't want to hear an I told you so , but that's not it at all. 

When Soobin returns upstairs, he finds Yeonjun fast asleep with a photo album in his arms. Miyeon is leaning against him with her tablet. It's a precious sight, Soobin can't help but take a photo of him.

"Be right back, Mi!" Soobin whisper-yells.

Back downstairs again, Soobin hastily asks, "Do you think Yeonjun would be okay with me taking her to the park? I think she should have some time outside."

"I really don't know. We haven't really talked."

Reminding himself to get back to that another time, he ignores it for now and continues addressing his predicament, "I'd feel bad to leave without permission. Hmm, what should we do?"

"We? I guess. Just go. I'll say it was my idea."

"You will?"

Beomgyu nods with a meek expression. "Don't worry. Like you said, she should play."

Soobin is all for it. It's his idea in the first place, and yet, "wanna go together? I don't feel comfortable just taking her out without asking him. You're her uncle at least."

"I might be her uncle, but I bet Yeonjun prefers you watching her over me."

"Not true."

"I don't think I've been alone with her yet, not even for five minutes. But I know you have."

Soobin quickly comes up with a solution, wanting to know the reason behind Beomgyu and Yeonjun. This outing will do just the thing. He reasons, "Okay, let's both build his trust by taking care of Miyeon and returning her in one piece happily." 

"We're such a perfect duo."

"Tell me about it," Soobin says mindlessly.

They go for a stroll by holding her hand in between them. Neither of them knew how to assemble the child stroller and they would rather not have her get stuck inside by it suddenly clamming up. 

Soobin learns that Beomgyu isn't really as open as he usually is when it comes to the topic of Yeonjun. He tells Soobin that it's due to their distance, and they've missed out on so much together, so that's obviously the reason why they aren't as close. Clearly, they must be better brothers than Beomgyu is letting on for Yeonjun to be comfortable enough to seek support in his younger brother.

Miyeon plays with the careful hawkeyes from the best friends. Soobin lets her go on the monkeybars and she teases that her daddy is too small to pick her up like this. Beomgyu cackles so hard he rolls onto the ground, tanbark clinging onto his flannel. They both take turns going down the slide with her but she says that Beomgyu is more fun. 

It's a really good evening—watching your lover play with a child, thinking this could possibly be a future with them. Unfortunately, that is something Soobin will never get the honor of looking forward to.

Yeonjun is still asleep in the same position when Soobin finds him. 

He must be so tired from his adventures all around town and all that heavy lifting. Miyeon is less forgiving than Soobin because she shouts when Soobin is in the middle of closing the door. Turning over his shoulder, he witnesses Yeonjun shuffling up until he's seated at the edge of the bed with open arms. Soobin places Miyeon down to run into her father's arms. 

"Hey, I hope you had some peaceful alone time," Soobin starts.

"Thank you so much for letting me rest a bit and taking care of her," he says before blowing raspberries against his daughter’s cheek. 

Soobin steps deeper into the room and looks out the window. "Actually, You slept so long. Me and Beomgyu hung out at the park with Miyeon. I really wasn't sure if it was okay and I apologize for overstepping any boundaries with you and Miyeon but—"

"No, no. I'm happy you wanted to take her out."

"It's really, okay?" Soobin says with a pouty smile.

"It was generous of you to think of her."

"You too, though. Wanted you to rest. You looked so calm. You really haven't slowed down since you got here, huh?"

"Not really. Thank you so much, Soobin."

Soobin hums, "Anytime, hyung."

Yeonjun gets up and rummages through one of his clothing containers as he asks, "Where's Gyu?"

"Should be home any second. Thought popsicles would be nice. I think he's buying us dinner, too."

"Chef Choi missed dinner time I guess," Yeonjun jokes while animatedly rolling off the stairs. "I'm going to get changed, I'll see you downstairs."

"Oh. Right."

A little later when the sun is fully down, they are all gathered in the kitchen, minus Miyeon who is on the couch playing with her alphabet board.

"Can Miyeon have one?" Beomgyu asks, pointing at the bright box of popsicles.

"We should eat dinner first."

Beomgyu starts to put them back into the freezer but Yeonjun closes the door.

"Nobody is stopping you fwo from eating it first though. Just don't eat in front of her." 

Beomgyu happily takes one and gives one to Soobin. Though Soobin did want to eat the chinese take out Beomgyu brought home, he can't resist the sweet treat first. 

"Oh, my favorite," Soobin says before he moans after a bite. 

"What flavor gets you that excited to eat over a real meal?" Yeonjun banters.

"Cherry. This brand is so good, too. Here, try it."

Soobin practically shoves the popsicle into Yeonjun's mouth. To Soobin's surprise, Yeonjun isn't a biter like him, but his entire mouth engulfs the top half of his popsicle before pulling off. Having not slept anyone for a little while makes Soobin pathetic. It was a harmless gesture Soobin initiated, followed by a willing Yeonjun having a normal taste of cherry. And yet Soobin can't stop gulping and wishing he didn't offer it. 

"Yeah, that's really good."

"You guys exchange saliva too now or something," Beomgyu says with a raised eyebrow.

"What! No!" Soobin and Yeonjun shout defensively.

Beomgyu gives them a strange look. "Damn, guys, I was only playing around. Was just trying to joke that soon enough you two will be more besties than we are. But I'm kidding about it. You'll always love me most, right? I'm the better brother…"

"Right, right," Soobin says after clearing his throat.

The night carries out with Yeonjun and Beomgyu engaged in small talk. It's something that makes Soobin happy for them. He does his homework in the middle of eating, even if Yeonjun scolds him that he will get his work dirty. Miyeon barely notices the red on their lips when she is almost done with her meal and they've just been caught red handed, or red lipped. It's okay because Miyeon shares one with her father at the end of the night and Yeonjun says cherry is now his favorite flavor, too.

୨♡୧

Soobin wakes up to an email about two of his classes being canceled because the professors are out for some academic meeting. Even though the other teachers are available he decides not to go entirely considering this makes his schedule for today too inconvenient. 

It feels totally normal to peek his head into Yeonjun's room to wish him a good morning.

"Morning, sunshine," Yeonjun responds, peeking his head out of his t-shirt hole.

"Weird," Soobin teases.

"Sunshine? What, Beomgyu likes it."

"It's whatever."

"Would you rather I say good morning, beautiful ?"

"Only if you mean it," Soobin jokes right back again.

Yeonjun winks with a grin. "What can I do for you? You don't often stop by unannounced."

"I don't have classes today but I don't really want to stay home, but none of my friends are off. When we went out the other week, it was nice. I was wondering if you had a gig?"

"Shucks, I wasn't your first option."

Yeonjun was the first person Soobin thought of this morning, but he's not going to admit that. Instead he gives Yeonjun a kitten scowl, waiting for him to respond.

Eventually, the older mutters a simple, "yes I do."

Trying to mask his disappointment, Soobin turns to the side, looking at Miyeon in her crib. "Alright, maybe—"

"I do, but if you want to come with you can."

"How is that possible?" Soobin asks, returning his gaze to Yeonjun who happens to be jumping into jeans. In that moment, Soobin realizes he did hear shuffling, implying Yeonjun must've changed his briefs with Soobin in the room and that thought makes Soobin oddly flustered. 

Still walking around and getting ready, Yeonjun explains, "We can drop Mi off and then you'll come to the studio I rented for today's clients. I could use a hand with setting it up if you'd like."

"I might have a hand you can use," Soobin immediately halts in his tracks, "that didn't come out right, but if you want some company and I want some company, I don't see why I shouldn't tag along."

"And if I'm hungry later, and you're hungry later, maybe we should eat together again, too."

"Hm, that sounds very logical," Soobin responds, keeping up the playful tone.

Yeonjun has things going for himself. 

With the way he managed to rent out a humongous mansion for a couple doing an engagement photoshoot. Sure the clients have a say in location and provided their share of the payment, but still as a photographer Yeonjun says it is also his duty to provide the scenery and cover the costs. He had a vision for the upper class late-20s couple getting married for the first time with two children, which consisted of domestic shots around the vibrant home. 

If Yeonjun can book things like this and take on wealthy clients, he is doing a really good job.

It's also kind of sexy how he navigates his clients through the home, putting himself in all sorts of kneeling position to get shots. His expressions are so candid when he communicates with his clients. 

Soobin almost wants to kiss him good job for working so hard and being a freelancing bread winner. 

By the end of the three hours—with Soobin sitting pretty and enjoying a book or his ass trying each piece of furniture—Soobin is almost heartbroken to leave. 

"Some of these properties have had porn shoots, too, don't you think?" Soobin mentions with a face of awe. 

It takes Yeonjun aback before his face of mortification turns to his normal, gummy smile. "I have a modeling thing later, later."

It's Soobin's turn to be stricken. "Oh, wow, what can't you do?"

"Rollerskating," Yeonjun says casually.

"Oh, gosh. When is later, later exactly?"

"Like a couple of hours."

"What are we waiting for? Shall we go?" Soobin says cheerfully, tugging on Yeonjun's sleeve. He pauses for a moment remembering something, but it seems like their separate schedules work in each others favor. "I don't really have all day, though. I might not have classes today, but I still work later, so hopefully you're a fast learner?" 

"You bet."

Soobin concludes that Yeonjun looks silly with elbow and knee pads, along with a neon pink helmet. And yet, as silly as can be, he is still extremely breathtaking. He wobbles with a hunch, knuckles so pale as they clench around the steel railing. 

"I told you that you can hold onto me," Soobin says with somewhat of a know it all voice. 

"Just working on it…" Yeonjun wheezes.

Soobin begins to distance himself from Yeonjun, doing a few twirls and backwards gliding as he keeps his gaze fixed on the newborn deer on ice. 

When they were getting their rollerskates on, Soobin insisted on being there for him every step of the way, even clinging onto his arm when they were waddling towards the rink. Call it determination or sheer embarrassment, but Yeonjun wasn't having any of it. He refused and refused, and now Soobin is practically doing backflips on the rink meanwhile Yeonjun is shaking like a leaf.

"Need my help now?" Soobin asks with a raised brow when Yeonjun finally separates from the railing and falls to his knees. 

"Please," Yeonjun whines, starting to get up but Soobin shrieks at him.

"Don't get up like that! You'll fall again. Use your knees, hyung."

Yeonjun nods and follows Soobin's instructions. Soobin is filled with surprise at how much Yeonjun seems to trust him, and it only seems to escalate.

The two are holding hands now, Soobin backwards as he slowly pulls Yeonjun along with him. He gives him more general tips, how to roll smoothly without the fear of falling. If anything, that's what the brakes are for and clearly Yeonjun wasn't relying on them earlier. They begin to skate better together with Yeonjun making small advancements towards Soobin every now and then. But somehow in between it, he still opts for the rail over Soobin's hand. 

At some point, they make it through two successful rounds and that's when Soobin thinks his hyung is ready to take it up a notch. Alone . 

"Just let off a little and come to me," Soobin instructs warmly, arms wide and eager to welcome Yeonjun into them. 

"Okay, here I come! Wait, wait—Soobin, Soobin!" Yeonjun cries as a new scene unfolds in slow motion. 

As slow as it is, Soobin doesn't know how to react even as Yeonjun seems to hurdle closer to him. Yeonjun practically catapults against Soobin, neither of them preparing for the collapse of both their bodies. Soobin with his shoulders and ass painfully impacted by the fall, lying beneath a disheveled, terrified Yeonjun sprawled on top of him.

"Hyungie, get off," Soobin whines, shoving Yeonjun's shoulder. He makes lots of movements with his hands to distract the man from seeing his blushing cheeks.

Yeonjun struggles to roll over, his body awkwardly rutting against Soobin's until he maintains enough composure and balance to slip off beside him. 

"Shit, sorry, Bin. I was just moving way too fast after you said go! Are you okay?!"

Soobin laughs the entire time he gets back up. It's a comedic sight, hovering over Yeonjun who looks like he just fell off his bike. Well, he did, sorta. He looks hurt to have done a bad job but also to hurt Soobin because he keeps asking if the other is okay. 

"Aw, you big baby. Come on, baby, get up. An expert will take care of you," Soobin coos, once again extending both arms out for Yeonjun. "I'm fine. You will be, too. Okay?"

"Soobin, I'm afraid to get up like this."

"Okay, kneel. One leg at a time, you can do it."

Yeonjun gets up quicker than the other few times, and he has fallen and gotten back up a plenty. Soobin announces with a shy smile, "Let's just go back to holding the rail. I'm sorry I pushed you like that."

"I'm never gonna learn if I don't push limits. But you're right, let's just do a few more training wheel laps." 

Soobin gives him a gentle pat on the back. "I'm here for you, okay, hyung? Training wheels, let's do it!'

Beomgyu texts Soobin so frequently throughout the afternoon that Soobin ends up turning off his phone. Interestingly enough, in another instance he would be taking photos and videos, sharing it to Beomgyu immediately. There was an incident where he walked right into a pole despite Taehyun's warnings because he was too busy telling Beomgyu that the two of them went to get ice cream at a new place nearby.

The thought of ignoring Beomgyu makes Soobin's spine tingle with something unpleasant. But Soobin is with a new friend right now and he is having a surprisingly amazing time, considering he has been stuck with the same friend group for nearly a decade—way too introverted and homebodied to meet any new people like Beomgyu.

Yeonjun is like welcoming arms with his eagerness to get to know Soobin. Some people act interested in others but Soobin truly feels Yeonjun's investment with the way he bats his eye lashes slowly, pouts his lips as he hums in interest and stares at him like he is slowly absorbing every single word Soobin lets slip past his lips. 

Soobin feels comfortable being around him, like no matter what he says, it can't be too dull or unentertaining to Yeonjun. He feels like captivating somebody like Yeonjun is easy, whether Soobin is telling a story from two years ago or mindlessly telling him how he passed a new game level during the car drive. He doesn't know why Yeonjun cares so much about every single thing Soobin has to say, but something about him makes Soobin feel like he is important.

Being in the moment with Yeonjun is something different. It's not every day someone is endeared with Soobin and wants to spend time with him. Soobin doesn't want to waste precious time responding to messages from somebody else when Yeonjun is right beside him, even if it is Beomgyu.

Soobin can't say the same for Yeonjun who showcases his new braking skills when his phone rings in his back pocket. Soobin dismisses him with a frown and excuses himself with, "finally, nobody to hold me back," even if his mood shifts sourly at Yeonjun not skating with him because he wants to be on his phone instead.

When Soobin returns to the bleachers, he spots Yeonjun rising from his seat with a frown. Soobin matches his expression, even more sad to think they will have to cut things short.

"Phone call from my brother. He said you weren't answering but he's not going to be home tonight."

"Oh," Soobin squeaks, wondering why Beomgyu won't be returning home. "Any reason why?"

"Nope, not that I know of."

Wanting to remain as vibrant as he was a few minutes ago, he admits, "I saw his notifications but I was just really having a good time with you, I really couldn't be bothered." 

Yeonjun emits a laugh that is equal parts adorable and embarrassingly goofy. "Good to hear you're having a good time with an old guy like me. Let's go again. I think I can out-lap you now." 

"Impossible."

"Which part?"

Soobin reaches for both his hands, guiding the two of them towards the roller rink floor again. "You're not that old. And that you can out do me."

"I'll prove it. The second part. Or both parts, I guess!"

After the buzz of laughter and too many refills of fountain soda, Soobin fishes something out of his bag. It feels like the end of the day with Yeonjun when he stares at the flimsy item in his hand. He sweeps his bangs aside before putting it on, flashing Yeonjun a goofy grin.

Yeonjun likes Soobin in uniform—a snazzy red hat with the logo of an embroidered goldfish on it. 

"What stopped you from wearing it all day?"

Soobin cackles, "it's part of the job, you know, I'm studying veterinary medicine." 

"And the hat does what exactly?"

"Did you not look at the GPS input?"

Yeonjun looks at the monitor of his parked car and makes a breathy noise as if getting the hang of it all now. "I'm dropping you off at a pet shop. Here I thought that was the next spontaneous thing on our itinerary."

"I told you I have to work. You have to also. But let's pick this up another time, yeah?"

"Hmm. I never asked what you studied and I kinda feel like an ass for it. I mean, you know all of my projects and side hustles at this point." 

Soobin shrugs, not at all bothered by it. "You're a busy man."

"I'll pay more attention to you from now on."

Soobin doesn't tell Yeonjun that he does more than enough. It's not just that Yeonjun gives him that feeling he's been longing for, something he can't get from anybody, but it's just Yeonjun. It's exactly who Yeonjun is that makes Soobin feel enough. He does tells Yeonjun to pick up Miyeon safely and not to forget picking up Soobin from work.

By the end of a long day while Soobin is cleaning cages and restocking shelves with fish food, Soobin thinks of all the different things he wants to try with Yeonjun. 

Soobin feels like he's being picked up on a date when he stands outside at the end of the shift, nervous for no reason. They have spent most of their today together and Yeonjun truly never left his mind at work, but for some reason, Soobin is excited to see Yeonjun's face again after a few hours. So much that his palms are clammy and he can't stop shifting from foot to foot.

"Do you think Miyeon might want a hedgehog?" Soobin asks, first thing first stepping into the car.

Yeonjun's eyes widen in curiosity. "Why do you say that?"

"I think one might be pregnant even though she should've been fixed."

"She likes you a lot. I'm afraid she'll love you."

Soobin leans into his seat with a smug grin. "Good for me. I might get to play chef this time instead of nanny with her dolls."

"Ah, bribing her with a pet. It might be nice though. Let's think about it?"

The two laugh it off before talking about their personal schedules while they were away from each other. Soobin discovers he isn't the only one to miss Yeonjun, if Yeonjun's I saw a manga novel on the shelf I you'd like is anything to go by. 

Soobin rolls the window down and lets the wind sway his hair and lets his hair tickle his cheeks. He tells Yeonjun that he is ticklish when he asks why Soobin is laughing so much. That's probably Soobin's first lie to the other. Soobin is just really happy because of his entire day spent with Yeonjun. And he doesn't want to admit that outloud.

୨♡୧

Soobin can't be away from Yeonjun for too long. He needs to give him good mornings and bid him goodnights. In between all of that, he hopes Yeonjun is eating and getting rest. When they get the chance to spend time together other than greetings in passing, he likes sitting beside the other and poking at his side playfully and talk about nothing in particular. 

They start getting into many together outside of their home. 

Soobin would push the grocery cart while Yeonjun ogles the shelves, mentally preparing meals for the next couple of days. Miyeon likes to count his fingers, Soobin counts hers right back. 

They both find different arts and crafts on their own time and share to each other via text. Eventually, one of them would purchase the supplies and they’d spend the day working on them. One time recently, they both bought modeling clay and had more than enough. Funny enough, both underestimated how much it actually takes to sculpt something that is smaller than Miyeon’s forearm. It worked out eventually, they still had leftovers. Soobin even saved some for Beomgyu in case he would want to join another time. 

There are numerous occasions with Soobin having coursework and they hang out together in the peace of the library. Soobin would be in a tiny chair meant for toddlers as he studies while Yeonjun and Miyeon pick out books and read beside Soobin. Miyeon would call the snack breaks, making sure Soobin puts down his laptop screen to eat. Soobin never misses Yeonjun's fond chuckles.

Soobin likes it when Yeonjun pushes him on the swings. The breeze is refreshing and it reminds him of the day he spent with Yeonjun, that silly feeling that lasted the entire day and into the night where he felt like he was in a slice of life movie. A protagonist and their sidekick, though Soobin wouldn't want to refer to Yeonjun that way. They are both protagonists in their own lives, Yeonjun way more put together than Soobin is. So, maybe Soobin is just the sidekick overall? Yeonjun doesn’t make him feel that way at all. 

All their time spent together, Soobin finds himself cherishing. That also gets extended to Miyeon.

It’s wholesome to see somebody so carefree and indulging in simple things. Yeonjun is alive by just being with his daughter and Soobin developed a shift in his perspective. It seems as if things seem simpler with Yeonjun. The older man doesn’t worry or fuss over things out of his control. He is simply happy. And Soobin wants to live a life like him. 

In such a short span of time, he easily became one of Soobin's favorite people to be around.

"I actually told Yeonjun we can finally get a bookshelf for their room. I said some time ago that he should start decorating just to make it feel more lived in," Soobin says as he shrugs his cardigan on.  

Beomgyu hums, "he's really going to be here for a while, huh?"

"It's for the best, right? They are comfortable and like it here."

"Yeah, but—nevermind. It's nothing. I just miss you, I guess." 

Beomgyu turns his gaze away, his back facing Soobin. It gives the perfect invitation for Soobin to give him a back hug. As much as Soobin claims to loathe physical affection, he always finds himself clinging onto his friends. Beomgyu best of all. 

"We'll find a day. I just think giving some of my time to Yeonjun really helps. You know, with Miyeon."

"You're not a nanny," Beomgyu says, and while he says it with a smile it doesn't sit right with Soobin.

"Come on, Gyu. We can do something soon. You name it and I'll make time for you. I always do…don't you know that?"

"Alright. Bring me something back to eat." 

Beomgyu is gone before he knows it without a bettter goodbye. Soobin follows shortly, embarking into Yeonjun's bedroom. 

The sight brings a smile to his face. Miyeon is being tossed into the air, bursts of giggles escaping her lips. She is so happy with her father. Soobin would help her pick out a #1 Dad mug for his birthday and say it was from both of them. 

(And Yeonjun's arms on display are a bonus.)

୨♡୧

While the relationship between Yeonjun and Soobin are near perfect—compatibility in the form of humor, entertainment choices, tongue palate—there is one thing that throws Soobin a curveball. Makes him feel absurd and anxious sometimes.

Yes, they finish each other's sentences and always have time for each other in their routines. Soobin knows what Yeonjun is thinking before Yeonjun could open his mouth and express it. Yeonjun is persistent when it comes to providing Soobin with his needs.

This is the second most important person in Soobin's life, without a doubt. He just might consider him a best friend as well. 

But then what about Soobin's predicament with Yeonjun..?

There is nothing to do with the age difference or hierarchy. Not Yeonjun being a father while Soobin is still working on his education. Yeonjun being his love's older brother is far from it as well.

There is this one thing that stirs up a pitiful sensation whenever his mind flees somewhere else—into unwanted territory. 

Being attracted to the man.

So, he has never quite done this with Taehyun or Kai, maybe when either of them changed something to their appearance to warrant that attention, then he might've. He knows they are very handsome in their own ways, but he has never found himself having to wipe his mouth from daydreaming or staring at either of them across the room for an inexcusable amount of time. 

Maybe another reason behind his lack thereof with his two other friends is the way these feelings or actions were only ever directed towards Beomgyu. He never needed to look at his other friends like that because he only ever loved Beomgyu. But now insert Choi Yeonjun, Soobin's new friend, and Soobin can't stop looking at him. 

Is it because they are related, so naturally Soobin has found resemblance between them? That's probably it, that's the only reason Soobin is remotely attracted to Yeonjun. He doesn't feel anything for him, not the way he feels for Beomgyu. Yeonjun is just really, really—

Shirtless .

Soobin has seen the older man shirtless, working out casually in the living room for all to see or playing with Miyeon in the comfort of his own bedroom and having a creep like Soobin pass by and ogle.

But not like this. 

Not with Soobin peeking his head from in between the tiny crevice of the door and its door frame, holding onto the edge for dead life. 

Not with Yeonjun freshly out of a steamy shower with water droplets cascading down his chest, winning the race when they get to Yeonjun's waist, a white towel catching their fall. When Yeonjun nods in his direction with a cheeky smirk and suggestive wink, Soobin knows he's been caught.

With a large gulp and a prance past Yeonjun, Soobin shouts, "see you at dinner," and races down the stairs. He heaves by the bottom of the staircase and wipes his face from mortification before finding his other housemates in the living room.

"Why are you so out of breath, should we buy an elevator?"

Soobin shakes his head. "I thought I saw a bug."

"And you ran because?"

Soobin shakes his head again.

"Are you alright?" Beomgyu asks with concern in his eyes.

Soobin doesn't want to talk about it. He plops down beside Miyeon's playmat and whines, "what's for dinner anyway?"

"I dunno. Hyung said something about hoa it's been slow cooking all day, whatever that means."

"I think it's that big pot on the counter. Kinda hard to miss, Gyu," Soobin says with fondness for his idiot of a crush. He is cute when he talks nonsense and Soobin's heart still races the same every time.

"Oh, don't you know how to use your head, little bunny. You are probably correct."

"Soobin is always very smart," Yeonjun says from out of nowhere. 

It shouldn't startle Soobin as much as it does. Obviously, they all have dinner at the same time most nights. But on those other nights, he didn't run into a near-naked Choi Yeonjun, all wet and grinning at Soobin like he wouldn't mind if Soobin were to lick all those water droplets off his body. 

Yeonjun's presence shouldn't make Soobin so nervous, but it's not the only thing that causes Soobin's timid behavior. It's what he just said . Yeonjun likes to say those things and Soobin isn't familiar with that sort of kindness. Doesn't know how to act when they were in the middle of a banter and (again) insert Choi Yeonjun who wants to sound like a hero with manners.

Beomgyu tosses one of Miyeon's toys right into Yeonjun's chest, enough of a gesture to pull Soobin back into this moment with all of them in the room.

"Most of the time Binnie is," Beomgyu says with a chuckle. "Why are you defending his honor? Aren't you my brother?"

"Aren't you joined at the hip, you know he's not an idiot."

"That's not really what I said."

It's Soobin's turn to chuckle, but slightly awkward and apprehensive for how this could all unfold. Yeonjun is not often tense or hostile but he's looking at Beomgyu with a threat in his eyes. He doesn't need either of them to get into a sudden argument, considering they don't really seem to get along compared to the first few weeks when Yeonjun was just settling in. 

"Guys, it's okay. I mean, I know I'm equal parts ditzy and brainy," he says at last. "Yeonjun, I'm not offended."

"Well, you told me that when it's just me and you, it's refreshing not being the punchline for once."

Soobin purses his lips and refuses to meet the stern eyes coming from both men. "We should eat dinner now. I wonder what's in the pot!"

Beomgyu wraps an arm around his waist when they all gather in line for a bowl. He whispers against his ear in a way that makes Soobin's knees feel like jelly, "you really think I pick on you that much?"

Soobin surprisingly pulls away. "I didn't say it like that. It's just that you and Taehyun and Kai always just—nevermind. It's not a big deal. Anyway," Soobin chooses to stand beside Yeonjun and poke his side, "what's for dinner?" 

"Braised and shredded beef stew. It's been slow cooking for like, eight hours."

"Oh, sounds tasty. I assume it's so tender, it'll melt right in my mouth." 

Yeonjun gives him a delicate pat on the cheek. "It will, little bunny."

This is a special moment.

The three of them circled around Miyeon and her new doll house Yeojun purchased a few days ago, one in which Soobin proudly helped pick out. Beomgyu is fumbling with the dolls in the garden while Miyeon drives a race car through the second floor hallway. Yeonjun watches in adoration at the entire scene, maybe thinking the same thing as Soobin—that for once all the people underneath this household roof are finally together for longer than twenty minutes.

It didn't take Soobin too long to come to the realization that the two brothers are hardly together in the same room unless it's mealtime. But this moment really solidifies it. 

With Beomgyu being out most of the day, he is hardly home to spend time with his brother and nephew, but at least before that, he used to hang out with Soobin all the time. Now, he is hardly ever out of his room. To be fair, they always spend time together in one of their bedrooms so it makes sense, nothing has really changed. 

But sometimes Soobin feels like he's putting in more effort to be a host, when he has no obligation to (his interest and genuine feelings for Yeonjun aside). It should be Beomgyu's duty, but that vanished after the first couple of days. Why does it feel like Soobin enjoys the company of Yeonjun and Miyeon more than the man apart from their family tree? Soobin still has unanswered questions from back then, knowing there's a reason for Beomgyu's neutrality as time goes on. He can't be tired of his family, he was the one who let them in anyway. 

Then there is Yeonjun, who Soobin also has suspicions on. It's a reciprocal street—the two's subtle disinterest. 

While Yeonjun was more than happy to be back in his younger brother's life, Soobin slowly started noticing the decline in his enthusiasm in his shared moments with Beomgyu. It could be Yeonjun noticed Beomgyu pulling away first and let the younger brother have it his way. Not wanting to overstep seems plausible, especially when he is under the care of someone younger than him. Perhaps it's an ego thing. Yeonjun can't dislike Beomgyu, Soobin saw how fond and happy Yeonjun was with Beomgyu in the beginning. 

Somewhere things shifted. Beomgyu seems to not care about his family's presence, and Yeonjun looks spiteful whenever he stares at Beomgyu and thinks Soobin isn't staring right back. 

Their little dispute over Soobin earlier today convinces him that there is some unresolved tension and he isn't overanalyzing things.

Beomgyu crying over his soiled crops seems to pull Soobin out of his deep trance. Soobin finds Beomgyu pretending to sob in his hands meanwhile Miyeon strides towards the actor and gives his cheek a kiss. Soobin melts at the sight, he knows he is so far gone, probably with bursting pink hearts for pupils. 

Soobin remembers how he fell in love with Beomgyu. It was instantaneous, not long after they hit puberty. Soobin wondered why he was growing so tall and why Beomgyu's voice was getting so deep. He was relieved they were changing together, but then the thoughts of boys and girls came into the question and Soobin didn't care. He only wanted Beomgyu. He might’ve thought it was a phase, but when Beomgyu did become interested in other people, Soobin was certain, all he ever wanted was his best friend. 

Beomgyu might be forgetful with Soobin's storytelling, and doesn't know how to read Soobin the same way Soobin can do with Beomgyu but Soobin chalks thay up to how their feelings are different. He might not make enough time for Soobin, but when they are together, Soobin cherishes every second. 

In the very end, Soobin has loved Beomgyu for so long and has been entranced and charmed for over a decade. It feels hard not to love him. And yet in the very end, Soobin might have to give him up like this .

For now, he will savor what he can. Love Beomgyu to the fullest while he can. Beomgyu in this loving, domestic light is something Soobin has the pleasure of seeing only now. Maybe in another life Soobin and Beomgyu can see the end together, but somewhere in the last ten years Soobin allowed himself to think selflessly, Beomgyu was never his. 

In the midst of cherishing the rare moment once again, Soobin catches sight of something equally painful as his own feelings. The fondness Yeonjun held moments ago is now an unfamiliar, stony look in his eyes. He is gnawing at his lower lip, deeply focused at nothing in front of him. It hurts Soobin to see Yeonjun being unlike his usual upbeat self.

"Hey, you'll get blisters," Soobin hisses, if he were closer to Yeonjun, he would tug at his arm to get his attention. 

But just as absorbed as Soobin was with the thought of his feelings for Beomgyu, Yeonjun seems to be in his head about something else. Because he didn't seem to catch onto Soobin's tiny bickering comment. Nor does Soobin's wave gesture do anything. Yeonjun continues to stare at a blank spot on Miyeon's mat. 

"Maybe he's freaking out about how to tell his parents he's back home."

"Hyung!" Soobin yelps, finally captivating the father's attention. "You haven't seen your parents yet? It's been almost two months." 

Yeonjun finally glances up, eyes empty and lips a bruising shade. Soobin knows that look, the longing or pain swirling in the void. But he doesn’t understand why he would feel that way when all of them are having a good time. With an upset release of breath, he says, "oh, they don't know I'm here permanently."

Soobin's boiling disappointment gets tousled to the other Choi brother as he scolds, "didn't you visit them last week? How were you able to keep this from them!"

"I—" Beomgyu gasps. "It didn't come up!"

"I don't ever come up in conversations, I bet," Yeonjun says loosely without hostility, but Soobin knows the hurt is there. 

"You don't," Beomgyu answers sympathetically. 

After some seconds of tense silence, Yeonjun adds, "I'm afraid to face them. Oh Mr. Independent Hot Shot finally comes back home and brings his daughter all motherless."

Soobin crawls towards Yeonjun to hold his hand. "You know you're never alone in situations like that. I'm sure Beomgyu can lessen the blow. They love me, I can be there, too. I can even watch Miyeon as you talk to them."

"I'll think about it."

Yeonjun gives Soobin a squeeze before prying their fingers apart. 

The father might've dismissed their touch, but that doesn't mean Soobin is going to distance themselves just yet. Their close proximity gives Soobin the opportunity to assess Yeonjun's gnawed lip. The skin peels and there's a streak of dried blood. Soobin rummages through the junk drawer beside them and finds healing ointment.

"You need to take care of yourself," Soobin says, handing the small jar to Yeonjun. He has the urge to apply it for him but buries it away. Instead, he adds, "the sooner the better. They'll only get more upset if they find out how long you've avoided them."

"I know," Yeonjun sighs as he smears the oil along his lower lip. 

"Beomie, what day can you take him?"

"We can see them this weekend."

Soobin glances at Miyeon, she doesn't seem to tuned into the discussion, just happily playing. She might not really comprehend the situation but Soobin has heard that children are wise critters and she just might mimic this back to her grandparents if she absorbed enough. He averts his gaze back to Yeonjun, clinging to his arm because there's no way he can pry Soobin's entire grip off him this time. "Hyung, want me to come with?"

Yeonjun doesn't respond. Soobin is under the impression of Yeonjun's intent focus on him. He is probably straining his brain thinking too hard again so Soobin leans his head against Yeonjun's shoulder and stares right up at him as well. Flaunting a playful grin, he asks, "why are you looking at me like that?"

"I guess if you do come, it'll be easier.”

Soobin shakes beside Yeonjun, jostling the both of them as he shouts, "oh, goodie! Miyeon you're gonna see ur grandparents again!"

୨♡୧

"When was the last time you visit, anyway?"

"Mi's first birthday and she just turned two so, yeah it's been a while," Yeonjun answers, rocking Miyeon from side to side, her being a little grumpy since the middle of the long drive.

Beomgyu knocks one more time before adding, "that's when I left you alone for like a week."

"It was the longest and loneliest moment of my life." Soobin sighs at the distant memory, remembering how tortured he felt not waking up or falling asleep to Beomgyu with him.

Their home was way too silent and it was clear something was missing from Soobin's routine. There was nobody to give his care and attention to. He texted Beomgyu every chance he could, longing for their intimacy again. He dialed Beomgyu any time he heard a creak in the floorboards during the first couple of days, pretending that he was afraid, rather than missing Beomgyu. Eventually, Beomgyu asked Taehyun to stay over until he would return.

The door swings open before either of them had any more to add, Beomgyu's parents seeming happy to see him and Soobin. Until their eyes land on Yeonjun and Miyeon, face evaporating into shock. They practically haul Yeonjun in by the shoulders, Beomgyu and Soobin following in tow.

"Why didn't you warn us?" Mrs. Choi yelps, already bringing a sleepy Miyeon into her arms. The baby doesn't seem to fuss, but the brothers' mother sure does. "Yeonjun, what are you doing here without telling me about it? Beomgyu, how long has he been home?"

"Hello, to you too, mom," Yeonjun sighs, " surprise ."

"Hi, auntie and uncle," Soobin starts with his signature mother-melt-inducing smile, "we came here because Yeonjun has something to tell you. I can take Miyeon if you want."

She seems shocked to see Soobin, as if she can't believe he is just as much a part of Miyeon and Yeonjun's life as he is Beomgyu's. 

"We can all talk now," their father states, urging everyone to sit at the table.

Soobin knew he was going to be put in an awkward family discussion, but he wanted to be there for Yeonjun. He sits beside him and nudges his knee with his own as if to assure him I'm right here .

"We called off the engagement and I thought it was best to come home and stay here while Miyeon is young," says Yeonjun right off the bat, which seems to catch more than just Soobin's surprise. "I see the look on your faces, no questions please."

"You came all the way over here for us to not ask what happened?" Mr. Choi interrupts. He doesn't seem upset, just taken aback.

"Not in front of," Yeonjun side eyes Soobin and averts his gaze to Miyeon.

"Oh," Soobin squeaks, "I wouldn't have come if you didn't want me to know. Seriously, I can take Miyeon out for now."

"Sorry, it's just that—please, yeah, if you could give us some privacy." 

Yeonjun looks defeated, refusing to look at Soobin again. Soobin can't pinpoint the root of it, surely he can't feel ashamed in front of Soobin. He thought they'd built a solid foundation together within their relationship. It might still be too early for Soobin to know Yeonjun's secrets and probably the biggest crisis of his life by far. Soobin can understand that, so he respects his wishes and gets up, carefully picking up Miyeon from her grandmother.

"Grown up talk, bye Binnie," Beomgyu says to lighten the mood but their mother only swats him on the shoulder.

Soobin tries to meet Yeonjun's eyes once more but he doesn't receive a glance in return. 

As it turns out, within twenty minutes, Soobin is back and everyone is seems to have a resolution. Nobody really fills Soobin in on any of the details, but they do announce that they'll all have lunch out as a family. Soobin has always liked the sound of that, he was always called family when it was him and Beomgyu. Now it feels much larger of a statement, more special, with Yeonjun and Miyeon. 

୨♡୧

It feels like ages since he has last had fun like an actual adult in their twenties. While going to the playground and building farm animals out of clay with Miyeon is a delight, he can't say it's normal for someone his age. After some months, he finally has a night out with his best friends. Right, it's also been forever since he and Beomgyu spent time together outside of their home, not including quick cafe stops or stationary runs. 

The scene is rambunctious and dim, far from Soobin's livingroom with Miyeon's bright blocks and drawings in every corner. While the house smells of baby powder or Yeonjun's meals, this place reeks of musk and alcohol. It's certainly become an unfamiliar environment, Soobin doesn't recall the last time he stepped foot inside of a club.

Beomgyu hauls him towards the bar, bumping shoulders with others. He raises the shot glass to Soobin's lips and Soobin downs it in an instant, the burn rushing down his throat. He gives Soobin a pat on the cheek doing the same to Kai and Taehyun. “Good boys,” he utters before dragging Kai into the crowd of sweaty bodies. 

Soobin finds himself a bar stool and plops his ass right down, not surprised to see Taehyun doing the same.

"They really like this," Taehyun whistles. "Amazes me how much Kai actually likes going out. Beomgyu, obviously not."

"I think he gets excited to be somewhere different when he's usually treated as a baby between us," replies Soobin as he admires the two friends dancing against each other with large grins on their faces. "Beomgyu…he's looking to get laid."

Taehyun flags down the bartender and orders something Soobin can't quite hear until his friend is sliding it over to him. 

Soobin is barely nursing the drink in his hand when he sees exactly what he’s been waiting for. It didn’t take long this time, probably breaking his own record tonight. His eyes are locked on Beomgyu in disdain as he whisks somebody away from the crowd, escaping somewhere Soobin can no longer see. His grip around the glass is tight and he replaces the shattering in his chest with the fire from the drink. One ends up being another after he asks for a refill, and then two shots just because it soothes the burn in a different way. 

The bar stool beside him squeaks, Taehyun is closer to him than he remembers. “I’m not saying to get over it, I know you can’t. But at least for today, find somebody else.”

Soobin drops his face into his hands and grumbles, “No, just because my best friend wants to fool around doesn’t mean I will too.” 

“I’m asking as your other best friend. Asking to take a breath and take a moment for yourself.” 

“What will it do anyway? Make me think he’s not Beomgyu?”

“Maybe you’ll think he’s better.” 

Taehyun has always been headstrong, following a path more logically rather than somebody who follows their heart—ahem, Soobin. Whereas Soobin walks in the steps of Beomgyu and stays obediently beside him, Taehyun takes his advances in stride and accepts the result with a leveled mind, whether trophy or rejection. 

So for the last couple of years, he’s been rooting for Soobin’s chained heart to be free of shackles. Somehow, as supportive as it feels, Soobin feels like he can’t unlove Beomgyu. It’s betrayal. 

Taehyun doesn’t coax or coerce Soobin into moving on. He just likes encouraging him and feeding him what ifs w ith somebody else. He won’t do or say anything that Soobin wouldn’t feel comfortable with. He doesn’t prod, ridicule or set Soobin up himself. Soobin loves him so much for that. 

But today Taehyun is feeling persistent, reminding Soobin of somebody else special. He wonders if Yeonjun were to encourage him, would he move on? He certainly loves agreeing and listening to the older man. Maybe he’s just more mature and wiser, which is why Soobin feels that way. Maybe Soobin trusts his judgment and feels safe with him. If Yeonjun told him to find somebody who doesn’t break him, would he do it? 

Wanting to end his dwellings, he finally looks at Taehyun and murmurs, “fine.”

“Fine? What do you mean?”

“Just doing what you ask of me,” Soobin grumbles as he gets up with a wobble.

Taehyun catches his fall and says, “Baby, don’t do it because I want you to. Do it for yourself.”

“Well yeah, sorta. I do want to. But I hate that little pleading face you got going on. Don’t worry you don’t have to babysit me anymore. Go on.”

“Soobin, I love spending time with you.”

Soobin raises his hands in defense, only now realizing Taehyun’s arms are still around his waist. He brings his own hands to hold Taehyun’s as he responds, “I know. But come on, let’s just find somebody good for me right now, yes?”

“Sounds good. Good job. Proud of you, Bin.”

“For wanting to get laid? Okay…”

“Yeah, good job!” 

The two remove themselves from each other before strutting into the crowd. Soobin is not often confident but the alcohol intake must be doing something different to him because he shamelessly gets right into the center of the dance floor and begins moving to the rhythm of the music. 

Taehyun is subtly swaying beside him, acting like a bodyguard more than a dance partner. 

“You can let them come to me, loosen up, Kang! Nobody is gonna come here if you look like that.”

“I just wanna make sure,” Taehyun responds. 

“Sure of?”

“That he’ll be a good fit.”

“Who?” Soobin asks, still clueless from the start. 

Taehyun nudges his chin somewhere behind Soobin. “He’s eyeing you. Don’t worry, imma standby for a bit.”

“At least dance,” Soobin shouts, pulling Taehyun into him and swaying his body against Taehyun’s chest. “This is fun, isn’t it?”

“He’s coming here, he’s into you,” Taehyun murmurs. 

Soobin turns around, ass against Taehyun as he curiously looks for hungry eyes. He begins pressing back into his friend, wanting to put a show when he spots a tall figure in a rumpled top and unfastened tie. He’s not informal like that, it looks fashionable and incredibly good on him. 

“See if he wants to dance,” Taehyun whispers, gripping Soobin’s hips and rutting into him. If Soobin has the right mind, he would feel awful for the two to be dancing this way, but right now he knows Taehyun is letting himself be used as bait. They will forget about it tomorrow. 

Soobin stares with hooded eyes and flashes a wink towards the man who ends up inviting himself onto Soobin. He presses their chests together as he dances, Taehyun only presses right back. Being enveloped by the two causes Soobin to release a low moan, especially with the way his crotch presses against the stranger’s own. 

There’s something about him. For once Soobin is looking up. Soobin’s ex boyfriend was taller than him and it always made Soobin see things from a different perspective. To somebody else, he was smaller and they made him feel just like that. Right now, this man looks at him like prey. It feels familiar but that feeling didn’t exist with his ex. He was too kind to belittle Soobin like that. Right now, Soobin wants to explore this foreign yet existing sensation. 

Soobin manages to turn around and give Taehyun the green light. He feels the stranger continuing to dance against him, even grinding against his ass. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll find you if anything?”

“Okay, be safe, Bin.”

Taehyun pulls away, not without giving a spine tingling stare at the newcomer—by that Soobin means it’s scary enough to piss himself if that were directed at him. Soobin glances back and finds the stranger gulping hard. Taehyun is heads shorter than the man but he still managed to string such a reaction from him. That’s enough for Soobin to know he’ll be okay tonight.

“Hi,” Soobin says when they’re finally alone. “I’m Soobin and you are?”

“Sungchan. Did you have anything to drink yet?”

“If you want to buy me something, let’s pretend I didn’t?"

Sungchan flashes him a smirk before guiding him towards a booth, telling Soobin that he will return soon. Soobin watches his body retreat and wonders if this is really what he wants. He doesn't want to lull around and talk with somebody, nor does he feel like skipping all the steps and going into bed with a stranger. What was he thinking? He doesn't want this, he'd much rather sit on the couch with Yeonjun and compare each other's silly socks.

What? In the past, whenever he has been put in this situation, he would think of how he would rather be laying against Beomgyu as they play their own handheld game devices. It's strange but not unpleasant how Yeonjun pops up into his mind this instant. 

"Hey, how much have you had to drink?"

Soobin glances up, spotting Sungchan with two drinks in his hands. They aren't the classic bubbly yellow looking liquids, but both are very Soobin, certainly concocted by professional hands upon request. 

"Vodka sunrise," Sungchan answers in time. 

Soobin supposes he can go for a casual sip while they get to know each other—if Soobin allows the two of them to reach that point. 

Sungchan slips into the booth beside Soobin, cornering him without little to any space between their bodies. It doesn't make him feel uncomfortable, just unprepared.

"What's with the other guy?" Sungchan asks with a quipped brow. 

"He just likes knowing who he's putting me in the arms of."

"You wanna be in my arms?"

Soobin blushes, unsure of how to answer.

"But, no, not the dancer. There's someone else. Someone invading your mind."

Soobin shakes his head then. "I can promise you there isn't. I'm like really single, I don't know the last time I've had my mouth this close to someone else's." He immediately regrets what came out of his mouth, feeling foolish for spewing such a pathetic detail about himself.

"Want me to come closer?"

"Please," Soobin squeaks, all of his nonchalance was stripped from him the moment the two bodies occupied the booth, so he doesn't care how he appears anymore. 

Sungchan leans into him before pressing a gentle kiss against his lips. Soobin kisses him back, but as usual, there's something missing. He tries to chase those lips and seek a sensation he's longing for but it's impossible. The moment he feels Sungchan's hands in between his thighs, he only kisses harder, hoping he can feel something. 

"You like taking what you can get," Sungchan says breathily against his lips. "An amazing kisser like that actually, actually."

Although it should be playful, flirty even, Soobin feels defensive at the comment. He knows that's exactly the way he would sum himself up. Knows that he can't have Beomgyu to himself, so he will have him in any way he can. Knows that he has resorted to Beomgyu's older brother as a new companion because Beomgyu doesn't really treat him right or take care of him the same anymore. Soobin is selfish and greedy like that. 

"Soobin? Should we still be…" he trails off with a puppy-like saddened expression. 

Soobin realizes this is such a good guy, had been from the start. But it would be selfish to hog him too, when Soobin actually wants nothing to do with him.

"I—can I try again?" Soobin asks gentilly, but knowing his greed. 

When Sungchan nods, Soobin takes a few sips of his cocktail before comfortably slipping onto Sungchan's lap and connecting their lips. He allows himself to think of nothing. It's just him, his inebriated mind, and a very attractive man beneath him. Their lips lock hastily, tongues sloshing, Soobin's lower half grinding. Soobin mewls when Sungchan gropes his ass, lips parting for Sungchan to slot his tongue into.

"Shit—are we gonna like, fuck here?" Sungchan asks with a mix of laugher and disbelief. 

Soobin feels bubbly and mimics a chuckle. "Are you into that or something?"

"I might be if it's with you."

Soobin moans at that and continues to kiss Sungchan until his lips are swollen and his hardening member begins to hurt. He can't contain himself but he still knows how to behave, so he shimmies off Sungchan's lap and drops his head back against the seat with a satisfied breath.

"That was good. So good…" Sungchan's cheeks are coated in pink and Soobin can't determine whether it's derived from the heat of the kiss or maybe he feels something else. Soobin gets a better idea when he hesitantly asks, "can I have your phone number?"

"That would be nice," Soobin admits, handing his phone over, "you put yours in first."

"Woah now, not too soon."

Soobin bursts out in laughter. Is this it? Will he truly move on from Beomgyu? Just thinking about him right now probably suggest no , but it might get easier with Sungchan. He doesn't want to use the man like that, but then again, who doesn't do these kind of things? In order to get into a new direction, all you need is a push. He will have to thank Taehyun later.

"Hey, you got a message. I wasn't being nosy but…"

Soobin takes the phone from his hands, finding a notification from Yeonjun. Attached to the message is a photo of him in a sheet mask with Miyeon resting on his chest. finally some peace without you home (; btw im kidding though and mi misses you!

"That's it, that's who," Sungchan says suddenly with a strange tone in his voice.

The large grin gets wiped from his face in exchange for confusion. "Sorry?"

"It's him."

"No it isn't," Soobin responds dumbly, genuinely not knowing what he is referring to.

Sungchan downs his own cocktail and stands up suddenly. "This was fun. I originally wanted to take you back to my place when I first saw you, but then I found you pretty cute and wanna get to know you outside of all of this. But let me know if you're already taken."

Soobin's eyes widen so largely, he imagines they would be falling out of his sockets. "Taken? No, I swear I'm not. I don't even know what you're talking about. That guy is my best friend's brother and he is just staying for a while. We're all roommates and I sorta became best friends with him, too. It's just—he's got a cute baby girl. Wanna see? I love the updates from—"

"Okay, I believe you. Can I take you home? Drop you off, I mean?"

Soobin begins to stand up and dismisses him with a wave. "No thanks, I came here with my friends so I should look for one of them."

Sungchan embraces him with arms around his waist and kisses him again, more tender this time. 

"I texted you, so don't leave me hanging. Let's meet again soon?"

"I will. I really want to see you again," Soobin admits timidly. 

"Good, I had a good time. I'll get home now. Goodnight."

Sungchan walks off, not without glancing back at Soobin one last time. Soobin flashes him a smile and then he's gone. To Soobin's sheer surprise, he didn't expect the night to play out so well. 

Soobin stalks into the restroom, wanting to clear his head after all of that. While it did clear his mind for a bit, it certainly did not bring him any clarity. He doesn't know what he wants, even if a part of him wants to try to do something different. 

There's a familiar noise coming from one of the stalls. The sound of the door hinge rattling is mixed with gasps and grunts Soobin has only heard as echoes throughout the hall during late nights when Beomgyu thinks he isn't home. His cock stirs in his pants, but it doesn't subside the shattering pain he feels in his chest. He knew what Beomgyu was up to from the start, but it doesn't shock him any less.

"Beomgyu?" Soobin whispers against the bathroom stall. 

From his position, he manages to steal a glance of Beomgyu's backside. His shirt is halfway around his torso, pulled up by the hem being in between his lips, pants sagging beneath his ass as he pounds into some woman against the the wall. 

Soobin knew, but it doesn't hurt him any less. 

Soobin always knows what he can't have and he suffers taking very little of what he can get. 

It seems to sober him up completely.

The sight becomes blurry. Soobin feels the hot streaks of tears slipping down his cheek. He flees the bathroom, desperate to find either of his other friends to leave. He storms around like a headless chicken, looking left and right and shoving past others just to find Taehyun. 

After what feels like hours of hunting for anyone remotely familiar, Soobin spots a round head of hair busy with the mouth of another. It doesn't take long for Soobin to realize not only did he spot Taehyun, but Hueningkai as well. The two are lip-locked in what seems like not their first kiss, a very comfortable, steamy one at that. It takes everything in him to not separate the two with a ferocious hiss of discomfort. 

The exit sign glows above the pair and Soobin is drawn to it, stomping away and wanting to forget the night. As if he didn't lose Beomgyu in more ways than one and as if he wasn't just betrayed by his other two friends who hold just as important of a title in his life as Beomgyu does. 

Soobin feels utterly depleted . And alone. Stranded with nobody to be there for him.

As he is met with fresh air, he instantly realizes that his self-pitying won't do. There is somebody. He fishes his phone from his back pocket and doesn't think twice before dialing someone on his favorites list. The call reciprocates instantly and Soobin pleads, "can you please pick me up? I'll text you the address. Please. " 

"Stay right where you are, I'm on the way."

"Okay," Soobin says quietly.

The familiar car pulls up along the driveway and Soobin doesn't think twice before entering. Be Yeonjun, or don't be, Soobin doesn't care right now. To his relief, Yeonjun is in the driver seat with worrisome written all over his face. 

"Hey, can I ask what happened? You can hardly walk, Soobin.”

Soobin shakes his head. "I just wanna go home."

"I thought you and Beomgyu left together? Where is he?"

"Probably finishing off in someone's mouth, I don't know. I could just really, really use a bath right now. I feel disgusted."

As if understanding, Yeonjun begins to finally drive off. He mutters, "I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. If it's any solace, Mieyon would be happy to lend you a duckie to swim with."

Soobin looks into the rearview mirror and spots the little girl shaking her plushie in her hands. Her smile wraps him with immediate warmth and he almost forgets the situation he's in right now. It surely lessened the pain but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt at all. "Strangely, that makes me feel better. Gosh, I feel so alone sometimes."

"Maybe you deserve better," Yeonjun says quietly, so quiet, Soobin almost didn't hear it. 

Soobin squirms in his seat, feeling uncomfortable with the supposedly comforting words. He feels like he doesn't deserve half of what Beomgyu gives him already. He stops biting his lower lip to respond, "No, I can't possibly think that. I…love Beomgyu."

"Alright. How about we refuel you. Late night dinner?"

"What about Miyeon?" The baby perks up at her name and starts saying, 'Soop.' Soobin waves at her but feels guilty that he is intoxicated in a car with a child.

"I always have her stroller with me and a spare carry belt thing . Plus, she is super bundled up already."

"Hm, okay sure. Can I pick? Or well, nevermind. I mean you’re the one driving so that was rude of me. I dunno, I think the drinks are getting to me more now."

"No, it's okay," Yeonjun politely dismisses, "I'm curious to know what you're craving." 

Soobin chooses Yeonjun's favorite pho restaurant despite it being all the way across the city. It only took half the journey during Soobin's directions for Yeonjun to understand. When he did, he lit up like a night full of stars and Soobin didn't feel so bad about his suggestion anymore.

They get a booth, sitting across each other similarly as the first time they ate together. Except this time, it's nearing midnight and Soobin is freezing. 

Yeonjun seems to notice, hurriedly removing his jacket and leaning over the table to place it around Soobin's shoulders.

"Thanks," Soobin mumbles, not fighting it because he is admittingly too drunk to decline something so warm and good smelling. 

"You look nice. Interesting to see you in something other than a button up or white tees."

"I'll have you know I can dress up when I need to!" Soobin says with a frown.

"I see that, really. Who knew you owned a white bedazzled tank top," Yeonjun giggles.

Soobin pokes his tongue out playfully, some broth dribbling from the side of his lips.

"Ah, eat up, okay? I like when you eat." 

Soobin feels like he's heard that before but can't think straight. With a mouthful, he responds, "is that why you cook endless dishes?"

"Yeah, something like that. I like feeding you and Miyeon and Beomgyu."

"Beomgyu should starve. Gosh, he's so annoying."

"Shh, you'll regret that if you remember it tomorrow. You… love him . It's okay." 

"I do." Soobin drops his chopsticks and weeps into his hands, his vision getting a little fuzzy. "But gosh, guys are so reckless. If not that, they aren't worth it. Sometimes they're childish or sometimes expect too much out of me. What's it like to date someone well balanced and have an equally mutual relationship? Ugh." 

" Here… " Yeonjun leans forward with a spoon going in the direction of Soobin's mouth. Soobin opens his mouth willingly, the smell of the broth getting mouthwateringly aromatic and tastier. "Eat, darling. It’ll be okay.” 

Yeonjun tells him to stay put in the car while he brings Miyeon into the home first. He almost asks why but when he tries getting out by himself, he stumbles from his legs feeling like jelly. He cries for Yeonjun to hurry up and his wishes eventually come true. The older man has a death grip around his waist as he guides him into the home, helps him take off his shoes, and then up the stairs. 

“Tomorrow. Tomorrow you will freshen up. But for now, do you think you can get into your pajamas for me?”

“No,” Soobin whimpers, diving onto his bed. 

“How about you take off your pants.”

“ Oohh-la-laaa !”

“No, I—“ 

Yeonjun chucks something at him, whatever it was landing on his face and making him shut up. He assumes Yeonjun wants him to wear it? He doesn’t really care as he takes off his tight, flashy top in replacement for a silky one. Suddenly he’s being pushed onto his back and his pants are being yanked off. 

“Just want you to sleep comfy, alright?” 

“Okay,” Soobin groans petulantly. 

Soobin feels himself being adjusted on the mattress. His head falls onto the pillow and he’s lying straight, staring up at Yeonjun. Even in this state, Soobin still thinks Yeonjun is so pretty—and mad. He looks mad at Soobin. Very mad. 

“Don’t be mad at me,” Soobin quickly ushers out. 

Yeonjun’s face contorts. “Not mad at you.”

“You look like it.” Soobin turns towards the wall. “You look at me a lot. When you look at me, I feel like I’m hurting you but I don’t know why. So I know the look on your face right now, it’s different.”

The bed shifts when Yeonjun sits down beside him. Soobin is drawn to seek Yeonjun’s gaze again, even if it feels like a punishment. His face is softer now—still so pretty though. He could have any expression and Soobin will think he is always very breathtaking to look at. Especially when he looks at Soobin like this. Like he loves him or something . Soobin knows that face, sees it on his own every single day he looks in the mirror whenever he thinks about Beomgyu. 

"I could never be mad at you. I’m not. It’s just that…I think a lot around you. I want to let you know that…I know he's my brother and all but you know…out there somewhere…you're worth it to somebody else."

Something disgusting feels like rising up his throat at that moment. It could be all he had to drink tonight or the way he is still not accustomed to this kind of comfort but he swallows it down and opts for gently responding, "Yeah, um, you're right. I know. Thank you." 

Yeonjun’s eyes flicker elsewhere before landing on Soobin again. "Can I?"

"Huh?” 

Yeonjun is in the midst of raising the blanket over his shoulders when Soobin skyrockets up from his spot. His abs hurt from that grueling curl but Yeonjun’s mortified expression makes up for it. 

"Wait!"

Letting out a heavy breath as he holds his chest, Yeonjun asks, "What, do you have to go pee? Thirsty?"

"I'm not your child—no, I just want to—" Soobin embraces Yeonjun over the shoulders, bringing their chests together tightly. Soobin inhales Yeonjun’s homey, familiar scent and squeezes harder. “Thank you for always paying attention to me and checking on me and taking care of me.”

"My pleasure, Soobin. I’d do all of it for as long as I can.”

The following morning Soobin doesn't remember much. He has a new friend but lost three, he needs to talk to all of them soon. And he can't forget how shitty Beomgyu made him feel, but how Yeonjun soothed the ache. He also owes him more gratitude and an apology. 

୨♡୧

Whether Soobin misses his bedroom or just likes visiting Yeonjun, he frequents it quite often. What used to be late night visits to Beomgyu turns into visiting Yeonjun at dusk—after messaging him for permission firstly, of course. He wouldn't want to interrupt Miyeon's sleep.

It’s more simple than Soobin leads himself to believe. Ever since that night where Yeonjun took care of him, Yeonjun has become some sort of special solace to Soobin. He feels like a pillar Soobin can lean against or look up to. While he already felt drawn to the man since they got closer, now he just feels… right? 

"Hi, scoot over," Soobin mumbles, already getting beneath the covers and pushing Yeonjun's leg to the right side of the bed. 

"What's up, babe?"

Soobin snorts. "Okay, don't call me that."

"Sorry."

"No, it's just that—"

Yeonjun waves him off dismissively. "Beomgyu. I know. It slipped, sorry. Maybe you shouldn't be sitting with me in my bed right now."

"What, no. It's fine."

"Sure?"

Soobin finds the conversation humorous. That and Yeonjun’s flustered expression. Soobin doesn’t often witness the father being fidgety or embarrassed, but it seems as if Soobin’s proximity is causing him some sort of freak out. For a moment Soobin wonders if the man is just as attracted to him as he is. Feeling playful, he gets closer into Yeonjun’s personal space and whispers into his ear, “What are we gonna do? Miyeon is here."

"I wasn't suggesting anything, and I didn't think you were either," Yeonjun squawks with his hands flailing in the air before they remain held up in defense. 

"I know, I know,” Soobin giggles, “keep quiet or you'll bother her."

"Yeah…what are you doing here anyway?"

"I like visiting you at night. I imagine you'd ask that sooner, like I dunno, I've been here like six times now,” Soobin responds, mentally playing back the amount of times he’s actually been at Yeonjun’s during the late night. 

It started off with Soobin returning Miyeon’s duckie which inevitably escalated into Miyeon wanting to play with him. While it was almost bedtime, Yeonjun insisted for a short while. That ended up with Soobin staying for a bedtime story. Fast forward, Soobin visited one night in the middle of a movie night and was invited to stay, mostly because Miyeon kept making grabby hands at the younger man. Those two visits turned into three, then four, then a fifth one where he was bored because he wasn’t invited to Beomgyu’s night out. And now he’s returned longing for the company of Yeonjun and Miyeon, and a good movie. 

A coy chuckle escapes Yeonjun’s lips. “I never really thought about it. That much, huh?” 

"Well, Beomgyu doesn't like me interrupting him on the nights before his classes. I get that, he starts pretty earlier than me. But you have nowhere to be so early and I was thinking we could watch a movie again?" Sometimes it’s ten minutes, other times it’s two hours. Soobin just wants to stick around for as long as possible tonight. 

"Sure, sure." 

"I like watching them with you. I feel like you always have interesting things to say." 

Yeonjun grins. "I'm insightful? I’m happy my opinion means so much to you.”

"Yeah, that! But yes, of course it does. I want to hear your overall review after, too."

Yeonjun gets out of bed to grab his laptop and puts it on Soobin’s lap. "You'll have to pick a good movie first."

"I'm okay with listening to bad reviews,” Soobin insists. 

"Either way, bring it on." 

It takes a good ten minutes for Soobin to decide on two runner ups. Within that time Yeonjun puts Miyeon to sleep. Soobin almost has second thoughts and considers picking a scary movie since Miyeon is no longer a part of their audience but he doesn’t want to waste any more time. Between the two final choices, Yeonjun settles with the trending romance.

"Can I come closer, hyungie? I like snuggling.”

"Sure, Bin.”

Their arms touch when Soobin wiggles closer. It’s not enough to make the older man uncomfortable but good enough that they can watch the screen better together and it’s perfect for Soobin to rest his head against Yeonjun’s shoulder. 

Yeonjun is so firm against his cheek, bringing Soobin so much comfort. His body grounds Soobin somehow, reminding him that they both exist, that they live in increments of time. For whatever reason, Soobin feels like life slows down whenever he is with Yeonjun. He is guidance and Soobin will follow. He gives up pretty much everything to take care and understand Soobin. Sometimes it's unreal that all Soobin has to do is ask. 

"You're so snuggly. You feel better than Beomgyu,” Soobin coos, basking in the warmth. 

In a sudden instant, Yeonjun jolts from him as if Soobin is an electric current, frying his entire being. He catches disdain on the older’s face and feels horrible thinking that he might’ve crossed a line. 

"Huh, what's wrong?"

"Felt—felt a spider maybe?"

What a relief it isn’t Soobin’s fault. But the suspicion of a bug doesn’t make it any better. "Oh my gosh, do you think you got it?"

"Yeah." 

"What a cock block. Hyung, come closer again."

Soobin thinks he did something wrong again when Yeonjun puts the laptop onto the nightstand. But then he presses play and brings the blanket over their shoulders. And Soobin knows he’s okay. 

"Do you even know what that means?" Yeonjun says with a chuckle, pulling Soobin into his chest. “Sorry, I scared you. Is this really okay?”

“Why not?”

“Because of Beomgyu..?”

Soobin scoffs. “That’s still an embarrassing subject with you. But don’t worry about it.”

There's a shift in the distance and Soobin notices Miyeon getting up in her crib. Without another thought, Soobin crawls over and lifts her into his arms.

"Hi, baby. I thought you fell asleep."

"Why did daddy yell, is he okay?"

Soobin mumbles a hushed reassurance, placing her onto Yeonjun's chest before tucking himself back into his side of the bed. The babygirl is in between them now, Soobin resting his head on Yeonjun's shoulder. Soobin finds himself not minding this little intruder at all. Not that he would call this adorable pest a cockblock like he did a few minutes ago.

"This is really nice," Soobin says when Miyeon turns with her chest pressed to his side, clutching his shirt, tiny fist opening and closing reputiously. "We're like a tiny family."

"Yeah," Yeonjun murmurs.

Soobin glances at Yeonjun, even if the angle makes it slightly difficult. He can see a cheeky smile, full of content. Soobin is just happy to be here and make things lighter for the older father.

Half an hour into the movie, Soobin starts getting uncomfortably warm, pulling the blanket away from their bodies. He noticed Yeonjun’s lack of commentary a while ago but was too invested to really bother with. Yeonjun was simply too warm and wasn’t pulling away, he didn’t feel like he needed to interrupt their cuddling. 

Soobin takes the chance to look at Yeonjun in the midst of taking off his sweater. The lights from the device reflect onto Yeonjun’s sleepy face, his jutted mouth with eyelids shut peacefully.

"Yeonjun?" Soobin whispers with a small tap to his shoulder. When there’s no shift, Soobin murmurs, "hhmp, no review for me. Goodnight then, Junnie.”

Soobin calls it a night. He carefully crawls out of bed then pauses the movie and closes the laptop. 

He finds Miyeon fast asleep as well but still wishes, "goodnight, baby. Make sure your daddy doesn't have bad dreams."

With a yawn, Soobin tiptoes out of the bedroom and closes the door as quiet as a mouse. Though, it plays out futile because he shrieks when he is met with the sight at the end of the hall. 

"What were you doing?" Beomgyu says lingering by their bedroom doors. 

Soobin turns on the hallway light just to see his sleepy crush in plaid pajamas and an oversized tee. 

"Just watching a movie. I surprisingly like spending time with him lately,” he answers. 

Beomgyu looks amused. “Really?" 

“What about me?” 

Soobin raises a brow. “What about you?”

“You don’t spend much time with me anymore.” It doesn’t sound accusatory but Soobin knows the look in his eyes. He is hurt. 

Soobin truly can’t do much about it. It’s not his fault. For once, Soobin can’t find himself defending the man he loves. “Because you’re busy or have other friends you hang out with instead. You’ve been going out a lot more. I know it probably feels suffocating to you. But I like them. They’re home, and I’m a homebody. It works,” he says with a careless shrug. 

“ They’re ? You actually like kids? Hanging out with my brother and his kid.”

"Of course, Miyeon, too. But she's asleep. Both of them are, so I decided to head to bed. I didn't get to finish it but this means Yeonjun didn't either, so I will just ask him tomorrow,” he finds himself mindless babbling over the two, ignoring Beomgyu’s petty statement. He realizes it’s not really worth Beomgyu’s time, he doesn’t really seem to care with that disgruntled look on his face. 

Soobin doesn’t really want to finish the conversation. He slips past Beomgyu without a goodnight.  

On this night Soobin is dreaming of a lapful of somebody in the midst of a heated kiss. Soobin feels his entire body on fire when they pull back, only to shove him into the mattress. It's obviously Beomgyu but as soon as Soobin's arms are above his head, wrists locked in place, he catches the sight of a different Choi brother. Soobin jolts up with a hitched breath and a tremor at the memory of Yeonjun in one of his inappropriate dreams.

୨♡୧

When Soobin finds Yeonjun in the living room late into the next day, it's surprisingly normal. He isn't that hung up over the dream, chalking it up to all the time spent lately. He is more eager to finish where they left off—before that —but doesn't get to ask his question first because he notices there’s something hanging on the tip of Yeonjun’s tongue. He lets Yeonjun have it because it seems important, at least more than Soobin dying to finish the movie with him tonight.

“Yeah, so, I have a favor to ask. I’ll even pay you? It’s just that Beom is not available and I don’t trust anybody else—heck, I don’t know anyone else. You know my parents are too far away and it’s not worth it.”

“Hm, I would say after everything you’ve done for me, I seriously owe you. But now it depends. I’m kind of insulted that I wasn't your first choice,” Soobin teases with a dramatic pout. 

“Believe me, you probably would’ve been. But considering…I don’t know if it is okay, I wanted you to be my last resort.” 

Soobin pulls his hyung to sit on the couch as he replies, “Now you’re just worrying me. How serious is this favor?”

Yeonjun gives him a despairing look. “I really need a sitter for Miyeon.”

Soobin shoves Yeonjun for being so cryptic and worrisome over nothing. He is also a little offended that the father would believe Soobin would decline. He would kind of do anything for Yeonjun and Miyeon if requested. “Yeonjun, you don’t even have to do a gigantic proposal for this. And you definitely don’t have to pay me! Of course I’ll do it. I’d love to. You know I love her.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Good. Where is she right now anyway?”

“Napping. I was pacing circles with her in my arms for comfort, wondering how to ask you. It's not for right now though, don't worry.”

Soobin frowns. “Why was this so serious to you? Do you think I would’ve declined?”

Yeonjun sits up right with panic set on his face. He looks mortified to offend Soobin, as if Soobin would attack him for it. “No, no. I mean, you’ve done so much for us both, and you’re Beomgyu’s boyfriend and all. I didn’t want it to be weird by asking as a job this time around."

Did Soobin hear that correctly? What makes Yeonjun think that? “Wait—Yeonjun, wait!” Soobin finds himself doubling over in laughter, less dumbstruck and more humored at the entire thing. “Beomgyu is not my boyfriend.”

Something washes over Yeonjun's face, whether its surprise or relief, Soobin tries not to think too deeply. It could be both. He brushes his face with palms quickly before responding, “Oh, really? I would’ve thought otherwise. You two are really… something special . So—oh, okay. On second thought, I just remembered something. I don’t think I need that babysitter.”

Offhandedly Soobin rambles, “I mean, I’m kind of in love with him but let’s drop that, why the sudden change of plans?”

“Oh, um. I was supposed to go on a date.” Yeonjun clicks his tongue before scooting away from Soobin and speaking up again, ”actually, yeah I am going on the date.”

Confusion creeps up but Soobin is not one to really ask details. “ Okay..? ”

“Sorry, I thought I mixed up the dates since I just set this up this morning just now but quickly remembered it. It's my bad! But yeah, uh, so you’ll babysit while I go on my date then?”

“Yes, of course! I look forward to it.” 

Even though Soobin says that, as soon as Yeonjun leaves, something feels wrong . 

Soobin doesn't know why it feels disappointing to hear that Yeonjun is seeing someone, and who knows for how long he has been set on them. Maybe it's because they've really grown close as friends and there is a prospect of seeing Yeonjun less after this. Maybe because all this while, Soobin thought he had Yeonjun's undivided attention but there was somebody else. He feels queasy thinking that he is entitled to Yeonjun just because they spend so much time together. 

But hey, more Soobin-Miyeon time. 

Yeonjun really deserves to find somebody who will cherish him the way he cherishes his daughter. 

Soobin is happy for him.

୨♡୧

Within the next couple of days following Yeonjun's request, Soobin sees Yeonjun less. It's a hollow feeling—his lack of presence causing some sort of strain in Soobin's chest. Does he miss his new housemate? He has gotten so accustomed to seeing the other that Soobin dwells too deeply in his absence. 

It makes him realize he hasn't been focused all that much on Beomgyu ever since the incident— multiple incidents. Well, overall he isn't sure how to talk to him right now, nor his other two friends. Maybe Beomgyu knows about the two and kept it from him. 

The childhood friends are quietly eating lunch on a Friday night, the same day Soobin is going to be alone with Miyeon for the first time ever. Beomgyu doesn't even seem to notice Soobin's hostility. It makes Soobin wonder that same lingering thought: does he really not care all that much about me? 

"Beomgyu?"

"Sup," he says without looking up from his phone.

"I'm babysitting Miyeon today."

Beomgyu hums, "cool, make sure she always has her plushies and blankey."

"I know." Soobin tried so hard to avoid the bark and to his relief Beomgyu didn't seem to notice.

Soobin has thought about this a dozen times already. How he knows more about the family of two than Beomgyu, considering he doesn't spend time with Miyeon when he is home. Soobin knows Miyeon prefers watermelon over grapes and that Yeonjun has a poor sense of humor, streaming the unfunniest kinds of shows in the late night.

Beomgyu doesn’t know his brother and niece, just the way he doesn't know Soobin. 

Soobin is so close to wondering what he sees in this guy romantically. 

Speaking of romantics, “I met a guy when we went out. I think we’re just going to be friends.” He doesn't know why he mentions it, Beomgyu would never be jealous or act in any way Soobin wishes he would.

Soobin and Sungchan talked here and there the last few weeks but this time it wasn’t actually because Soobin was comparing the man to Beomgyu, but simply because he didn’t have a desire to. He likes Sungchan enough that doesn’t want to use him as a device to move on. Who knows, maybe Sungchan will be his new best friend since Beomgyu hates him and Yeonjun has a new partner. 

Beomgyu finally looks up. “And you’re barely telling me this now?” 

“I said you’ve been busy.”

“We need to talk about this,” Beomgyu says, suddenly so sternly. He glances around, probably seeing if Yeonjun is around. “What’s going on with us?”

“Nothing,” Soobin admits honestly. “You’re not home. We are seeing each other less. That happens.”

“But usually you miss me and want to see me. Now, it’s not like you even compensate for our lost time.”

Soobin crosses his arms and lets out a venomous scoff, “exactly that. Why am I always the one who has to try between us? It takes me to be the one to make plans or look for time for us?”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry you feel that way,” Beomgyu grumbles, looking away from Soobin’s gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t really care about me. I think that sometimes. I think I care about you too much. But I just assume that it’s because I—“ love you . Soobin clears his throat, “because I’m the sensitive one.” 

Beomgyu looks crestfallen and Soobin wants to apologize but for once, he thinks he doesn’t have to treat Beomgyu like that. Instead Beomgyu repeats, “I apologize for causing you to feel hurt like that.” 

“It’s fine,” Soobin murmurs. 

“It’s not fine. But after all these years, you just stopped looking for me and I noticed. I’m sorry I never reached out first but I noticed we were pulling away if that counts. I feel awful about it, but like you said, it’s hard at home sometimes now.”

Soobin scoots into the seat beside him instead of across. “Then why don’t you ever plan things with me? You never tell me where you’re going or invite me. Why not?”

“I don’t think you’ve noticed but I have. You always say how you’re going to stay at home with Miyeon and my brother. Sometimes you’re already out with them.”

It’s Soobin’s turn to feel targeted. He curls into himself ashamed. “I didn’t notice. Sorry.” 

To be blunt, spending time with Yeonjun is far different than with Beomgyu. For better. 

When Soobin is with Beomgyu, he likes the company of his crush but they don’t do anything fun . With Yeonjun, it’s always a surprise, not to mention the way that Yeonjun actually involves him in their activities. Soobin always felt like a service dog being dragged along and less of a person for company. He always sat around and mused at Beomgyu’s beauty. 

There was a time when Soobin had Beomgyu’s undivided attention and unconditional love—in the platonic sense at the very least. But somewhere after moving in together, Beomgyu has discarded him little by little. Soobin caught on a few years ago and it hurt at first but eventually he figured it would be better for his heart whenever he was ready to move on. 

Especially after spending time with Yeonjun, Soobin started questioning why he lets Beomgyu treat him the way he does. Soobin always understood he was pining for something he couldn’t have, but after Yeonjun, it felt like he wasn’t even receiving the bare minimum. They are best friends and Beomgyu shouldn’t be giving him any less. 

“Soobin…”

“I don’t want to fight,” Soobin says firmly. “I always want to be happy with you. You always make me super happy. I don’t really care what problems I have with you. They don’t matter. They fade away.”

“That’s a problem though. Shouldn’t we resolve it, not let it linger until it hurts more?” Beomgyu softly insists. 

“I didn’t know I was pulling away. I didn’t know you were trying while you believed I wasn’t. I understand now. That’s it, right?” 

Beomgyu keeps mum and Soobin watches the way his adam's apple bobs with a rough gulp. “That’s right,” he says eventually. 

“Good. Let’s just find a time to hang out soon. Promise. I’m not replacing you either, you’re my favorite person, Beomgyu.” 

Soobin stands in front of Beomgyu, waiting for him to make a move because then he’ll know that they’ve made up. It takes a beat for Beomgyu to embrace Soobin’s hips and nuzzle his face into Soobin’s stomach. Soobin accepts the touch and ruffles his best friend’s hair. 

“Beomie, you know I love you,” Soobin says softly without letting his longing drip through the cracks. 

“I love you too, Soobin. Again, I’m sorry.” 

Soobin pulls away with an excuse, “Yeonjun has a date. Did he tell you? I’m going to help him get ready.”

“No he did not! And you, please…”

“Why do all of you think I’m a horrible dresser! I bet Sungchan will beg to differ,” Soobin snaps playfully. 

“You’ll have to tell me about him.”

“It’s nothing much, but yeah maybe we can all go out and be friends.” 

Beomgyu spanks his ass and snickers, “not until the two of us go out first.” 

Soobin peels out of the kitchen right away and heads upstairs. He’s not really going to help Yeonjun as he mentioned but he surely wants to see how the older man gets dressed for appointments like this one. 

Yeonjun is slicking his hair back when Soobin steps foot into his bedroom. Soobin’s breath gets caught in his throat at the sight of Yeonjun in a dirty vintage leather jacket and brown suede pants. His white button down is tucked in and makes all the colors of his outfit contrast each other but look so good. 

"You clean up really, really nicely.” Soobin tries to blink away the dream that has just resurfaced, Yeonjun above him, hair damp and matte against his temples. "Really nice!" he coughs dramatically. 

"Ah, you think so?"

"Yeah, you're like an incredibly hot dad.” Soobin immediately clamps his mouth shut just as Yeonjun turns around with a raised brow. "Sorry, I didn't mean that. I mean, I did but…”

“Thank you,” is all Yeonjun says. 

“So…where are you going?”

“It’s just leisurely. I haven’t been around the city in some time. I thought I’d take her out to sightsee then grab dinner and maybe bar hop.” 

“Is that what people your age do,” Soobin goads with a lip bite. “I’m fine with just dinner. And then a goodbye kiss.”

“How about we head downstairs and I’ll fill you in on some details about Miyeon,” Yeonjun says instead. 

Soobin wonders if he offended the man, so he adds, “I was kidding about the age thing. Really.”

“That wasn’t it,” Yeonjun says, not staring at Soobin but spraying cologne on his wrist. 

“T-the date idea of yours isn’t bad either. Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I know.”

“Then?” Soobin rasps. 

“Nothing. It’s almost time for me to go anyway.” Yeonjun turns around and catches Soobin’s cheek in his hand. Soobin stands frozen in place and for a second he wonders if it’s possible to count all of Yeonjun’s eyelashes. They are so close and he has so many. “I’m not mad or anything.”

“O-okay, good. I just made up with Beomgyu. I don’t think I can fix something again so soon.” 

Yeonjun picks up Miyeon and starts for the door. “Oh? I didn’t know you two weren’t on good terms.”

“Eh, he thinks I spend too much time with you.”

Yeonjun nearly stumbles off a step but catches himself in time. Poor Miyeon had quite the startle. And yet Yeonjun is the one looking over his shoulder with a face of trepidation. 

“He shouldn’t worry about stuff like that. We’re all roommates and he’s never home for us to connect and I don’t have friends here, embarrassing enough.”

“That’s what I said! Wait, don’t look at me like that. I wasn’t saying you’re a friendless loser. I meant that he doesn’t hang out with us.”

Beomgyu isn’t in his usual seat at the dining table, nor in the kitchen. He wonders if he left and confirms his theory when he doesn’t spot Beomgyu’s keys in their hanging spot. 

“Did he tell you he was going out?” 

“Yeah, that’s why you’re babysitting,” Yeonjun says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Right. I forgot about that. But why?” Soobin doesn’t know why it still irks him that Beomgyu can keep things from him. He thought that he was overcoming that. Then again, overcoming a first love is difficult. He knows first hand, so after all these years why does he still confuse and hurt himself? 

“Him and his friends are going to a festival? Last til midnight or something.”

Ah, other friends that aren’t Taehyun or Hueningkai. Soobin knows why he wasn’t invited. Because he hates imposing on the other part of Beomgyu’s life. Doesn’t like his school friends all that much, several of which are still linked to his ex. 

Somehow all these Beomgyu feel less annoying right now, although still unsettling. 

And now Yeonjun is looking at him with those eyes that he likes giving Soobin so much. It makes no sense to Soobin. The way Yeonjun always looks lost. Maybe Soobin reminds him of somebody and it hurts him to look at Soobin sometimes. 

“What?” Soobin mutters. 

“How long have you loved him?”

Soobin didn’t expect that. He still answers immediately on instinct, “forever.” 

“Okay.” Yeonjun turns away as he cradles Miyeon tighter and before Soobin can ask what’s wrong, he starts, “I’m going to text you all of Miyeon’s health concerns and emergency information. I know, I know. You know her enough. But these are little things I might not have mentioned in the time we’ve been living together. You can call me for anything, okay? If it’s about Miyeon, or even you, call me. It doesn’t matter if I don’t pick up the first time, or if you think I’m having a good time. Keep calling.” 

“Keep calling,” Soobin repeats, waving his phone by his chest. “I know.”

“She’s not allergic to anything, so feed her reasonably. But I have dinner prepared for you both. If you take her to the park again, bundle up you two. It’s colder today.”

Soobin frees Yeonjun’s arms by eagerly taking Miyeon into his own. “Okay, daddy. You’re going to be late.” 

Yeonjun seems to stiffen up suddenly, eyes boring into Soobin, he almost wants to cower. 

“What?” Soobin says.

“Nothing.”

“Okay.” Soobin looks at Miyeon and cheers, “let’s send your father off on his first date!” 

Soobin heads for the door with Yeonjun trailing behind. He opens the door with enthusiasm and points at it. 

“So quick to kick me out, damn,” Yeonjun chuckles. 

“Want you to have a good time. And me and Miyeon may or may not break some rules and party today,” Soobin announces playfully, swinging Miyeon in his arms. 

“I love you, behave,” Yeonjun says to his daughter before kissing her forehead. He flickers his gaze to Soobin and pats his cheek, “you, too.”

“Which part,” Soobin snorts. 

Yeonjun is strutting down the walkway without a response. Soobin waits for Yeonjun’s headlights to flicker on and he watches him drive off before closing the door. He almost feels like a stay at home mom, sillily enough, comforting the baby in his arms to not  worry, daddy will come back home soon. 

“Well, it’s just you and me,” Soobin says into Miyeon’s cheek before kissing her playfully. “What do you wanna do?” 

“Eat and play with Soop.”

A light bulb flickers on in Soobin’s brain. “Oh, that’s right, it’s dinner. Gosh, did your daddy make anything to eat? Wait—yeah, he said he did. Baby, I’m so nervous. Is that okay? First time at the job!”

Miyeon glances at him with a confused face. She’s always very good at being receptive while being talked to. “First…time at job?”

“Yeah, I was never a nanny for a baby before.”

“I’m baby?”

Soobin carries her into the kitchen and spots a glass tupperware on the stove as he continues talking to her, “Yep. I do take care of animals though. Like dogs and cats and lizards and mice. Do you know what a hedgehog is?”

“Animals! Oh. Can I see?”

“Hm, that sounds good. Maybe we can do after dinner. I’ll visit my job with you.”

“You are at job.”

“We can have two jobs, yeah?” 

The two feast upon yet another delicious home cooked meal from Yeonjun. Soobin can’t help but reward her with some yummy fruits and a snack. 

They allow their tummies to rest while watching a show together, Miyeon seated on Soobin’s lap while he practices braiding Miyeon’s hair. Yeonjun taught him two techniques and he thinks he’s better at the fishtail than a french braid. He snaps a photo and reminds himself to send it later so that the father doesn’t worry over his notifications. 

It’s about an hour or so when he finally arrives at his job after a ten minute walk and one bus stop. He almost forgot how it felt to get here considering how Yeonjun’s been taking him to work all four schedules days of the week. He doesn’t remember exerting himself that much, then again he didn’t carry a baby with him before. He was still too scared to use the stroller. 

“Hi Soobin, and who is this?” Chaemin says when Soobin steps foot into the pet shop. 

“Hey, I’m on babysitting duty today. This is my brother’s niece. Miyeon. Mimi, this is my coworker. You can call him Min. Sounds like you, huh?”

“Hi Min, I’m Miyeon,” she says with a wave. 

“You’re cute,” Chaemin adds. 

“I know she is!” 

Chaemin chuckles before walking around the counter. “No, I meant you. Like that. Holding a baby and all.”

Soobin gives him a playfully peculiar look before walking off, bringing Miyeon towards the pet rodents section. He likes taking a moment to watch the hamsters run on their spinning wheels and guinea pigs burrowing underneath their beddings. 

As it turns out, Miyeon is just as amused, eyes bulging out and mouth agape giggling. Soobin thinks they’ll have to go to a zoo one day. Yeonjun would love to see her so happy. 

“Soop, I want one!”

“Me too, maybe one day. It can be our pet.”

“I wanna name it…Hammie.”

Soobin giggles. “Aha, that reminds me of Soobie…and Beomie, and Junnie, and…” he turns to her and tickles her sides, “ Miyeonie !”

“Miyeonie and Hammie!” she shouts before skipping through the aisles to look at the other pets on display. 

After a few rounds throughout the pet shop, visiting scaly pets and adoptable canines and felines, he calls it a day. 

It’s dark now by the time they make their way home and Soobin only wishes for a safe and not too breezy walk home. Miyeon’s nose is a bit red and he can say the same about his own. The warmth of their home solves the problem soon enough. 

That’s when Soobin realizes they’ve been out for two hours which means it applies to Yeonjun as well, but longer. He must be having a really good time. 

Somewhere in between haziness and wanting to doze off completely, the rattling of the doorknob causes him to fight the sleepiness. He straightens up with a stretch, fingertips reaching for the ceiling as he spots Yeonjun from the corner of his eyes.

"Oh, you're back so soon, hyung."

Yeonjun nods and discards his overcoat. "Is my baby asleep?"

"Yep." Soobin nudges his chin towards the little girl deeply bundled in blankets at the corner of the couch. He takes Yeonjun's coat from him and folds it while prying, "so wanna kiss and tell?"

"I didn't kiss her. But It got me thinking of something else."

Soobin perks up at that, scooting closer to the older man. "I'm listening."

"Actually, nevermind."

Before Yeonjun can create distance between the two, Soobin curls his fingers around Yeonjun's biceps, preventing him from moving. In somewhat a whiny tone, Soobin begs, "No, no, tell me."

It takes a minute for Yeonjun to loosen up. He gaze is fixated on Soobin at his right side with his legs spread, hands folded in between his thighs. He looks really attractive like this, cleaned up, staring at Soobin so intently. Yeonjun's lips part and Soobin is drawn to them, eager to hear him talk of just about anything.

"All this time I thought Beomgyu wasn't treating you right. No, you've actually just been hurt for so long."

But what he is saying sounds like riddles. Furrowing his brows, Soobin slowly says, "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Nothing."

"Are you sure?"

A delicate touch grazes along Soobin's cheek. Yeonjun is slowly caressing Soobin's face and Soobin lets it happen. It's a tender sensation, both the touch and the feeling. Soobin finds himself leaning into the touch and letting out a small sigh. If it will make Yeonjun feel better about tonight, Soobin will let him.

Yeonjun's fingers trail down to Soobin's lips, thumb getting caught in between them as he carries on, "I've been greedy, but so guilty. At some point I discovered that there was never any reason to be guilty after all because I wasn't doing anything—just feeling . But still, even with that feeling, something felt wrong. Now I can't help it and I don't think it's all that bad."

"Alright..?" Soobin murmurs airly. Like his voice doesn't want to come out because then his permission is real. Like he shouldn't give any of this approval to Yeonjun because he would feel guilty, too. But for what? 

"I said it got me thinking," Yeonjun repeats.

"Yeah, you did. But you didn't wanna tell me."

"I was thinking about you," Yeonjun confesses, barely above a whisper, "how you are the only person I truly want to kiss."

"I'm sorry?"

As sudden as the moment appears, it is just as quick to vanish like a shadow in the night from doubtful eyes. Yeonjun pulls away as if touching Soobin will blister his hand. He fusses into his palms, "Gosh, Soobin, I'm really fucking sorry I said that."

"No, no. Don't worry," Soobin insists as he presses a palm into Yeonjun's thigh, just to reassure him that it's alright. But something about his gesture makes him feel bold. Doing this—his fingers digging into Yeonjun's inner thigh—doesn't feel wrong. He can't help but stutter, "I—should we?"

Yeonjun looks up, eyes filled with a painful longing that Soobin understands . "You want to?"

"You're very attractive," Soobin comments with a shy smile.

"That's really not enough for me to just kiss you." 

"Okay, how about," Soobin pretends to think, likes when the two of them act playful together, "please kiss me because I really wanna kiss a hot dad."

The older man diverts his eyes with a scoff, as if Soobin is not worth his time. Somehow that pains Soobin. He doesn't like the way Yeonjun's attention isn't on him, how dismissive he seems. 

"I've thought about kissing you a lot. I think about you a lot in general, and I like when we're together," Soobin admits quietly. "So, please kiss me if you want to."

Yeonjun takes advantage of Soobin's request immediately, lips pressing together in a desperate, hungry kiss. It's not like he takes the chance to let Soobin think it over, it's like he knows Soobin was confident about his willingness, like he knows Soobin wants to kiss him just as badly. Soobin has thought about kissing Yeonjun, multiple times, but it never felt serious, just a fleeting thought. Now Yeonjun is hovering over him, pressing him into the couch with his body slotted in between Soobin's thighs and Soobin wishes he asked to be kissed sooner. 

It's Yeonjun who pulls away first, not without giving Soobin a gentle peck like a little goodbye. Soobin hopes he doesn't regret it. But when Yeonjun is peering above him with a tender gaze, Soobin knows Yeonjun could never regret this moment.

"Hyung, I think I'm a dilf hunter," slips from Soobin's lips.

Yeonjun chuckles, his airly breath tickling Soobin's cheek. "So you've been interested in other dads?"

"Well, no."

"Good."

"Good for you because I have no one else to compare you to," Soobin snickers, bringing his hands up to Yeonjun's shoulders to hold onto.

"Good because I'll make sure I'm the only one."

Soobin squirms beneath him, playfully interrogating, "Is it actually turning you on? Me and my dads I'd like to fuck energy?"

"Well, no," he mocks. "it's just you."

"Okay. Let's clarify one more thing. Daddy kink?"

"Sorry no, you?"

"Bummer," Soobin says with a straight face.

Shock takes over Yeonjun, eyes wide and lips agape. He has a difficult time composing himself as his mouth keeps opening and closing, unsure how to form his next response.

Soobin wants to put him back together and free him from this shock and humiliation. "Kidding! I'm kidding— I think ." 

Neither of them need to know if that ending was still part of the joke.

"Just—Soobin," Yeonjun groans, immediately lunging towards Soobin's neck. He splays open mouth kisses against his skin, tugging a sharp whine from Soobin's lips. His hands fumble with Soobin's shirt, feeling around until he pulls it over his belly. It gives Yeonjun access to reach for Soobin's crotch, stealing a possessive grope. "Want me to keep going?" 

"Yeah, yes please, but what—what about Miyeon?"

"You said she's asleep."

"In the livingroom." Soobin glances to the right, as if to give proof to his vague response.

"Okay, so we bring the baby monitor into your room and keep quiet," Yeonjun says so casually as he kisses and palms him the entire time. 

Yet again, Yeonjun's persistence wins but still Soobin can't help but poke, "why not yours? Your bed is bigger."

"Yeah, and my daughter plays on it."

"I have extra bed sheets to replace it," Soobin convinces back.

And finally, Yeonjun stifles a laugh and mumbles, "fine, that works."

Yeonjun gets up and extends his hands out for Soobin to reach. He easily pulls Soobin right back up on his two feet. Soobin wobbles in his step and Yeonjun catches his fall before kissing him again, this time with less tongue and more like savoring Soobin's plush lips in between his very own.

The two double check on Miyeon and Soobin is the one to grab the baby monitor. For a split second, he frustratingly thinks am I really going to sleep with my crush's brother?

As much as he wants to feel disgusted and disappointed, he can't say he feels that way at all. Maybe his curiosity will no longer persist. Maybe there will be an end to his wandering eyes. Surely, after he gets a taste of this strange desire, all wandering thoughts will fade. That dream will surely just become one of those mistakes to laugh in fleeting moments. Right?

Yeonjun guides him up the stairs and they giggle like young lovers sneaking though somebody else's halls just to find some privacy. At the top of the staircase Yeonjun pulls him into a sudden kiss, Soobin's chest pressing into Yeonjun's. He leans down a little to give Yeonjun better access as he's swept away deeper into the hall. Yeonjun swaps their position in an instant and Soobin's back meets a door before slipping in. The scent is all too familiar and Soobin realizes Yeonjun tricked him into Soobin's bedroom. 

" Oh my gosh ," Soobin whimpers when Yeonjun shoves him into the mattress and immediately mounts him with his thighs on either side of Soobin. "Why are you so fucking strong?" he says mostly to himself, but it earns a chuckle from the older man on top of him.

"Wouldn't you wanna know? Probably curious for next time when I'm fucking you against a wall."

"Forget about next time, have me just like that right now, hyung."

Yeonjun discards his top then reaches to remove Soobin's over his head. He plays with the drawstrings from Soobin's sweatpants as he asks, "what do you like?"

"Mhm, anything, you can do anything."

Yeonjun glances at him approvingly. "Alright, spread your legs and show me your pussy."

" Yeonjun… "

"I said strip," he says more firmly.

The older removes himself from his position and Soobin feels himself being watched as he slips his pants off, exposing his growing erection. It's almost humiliating, the way Soobin is so painfully hard in just a matter of a couple of kisses and touches. He turns over onto his stomach and raises his ass upwards, partially wanting to keep his cock unexposed, and mostly because what Yeonjun wants, Yeonjun will get. He spreads his asscheeks for Yeonjun's viewing, hoping to satisfy the man. 

"Is this right, hyung?"

"So good," Yeonjun rasps out, "fuck, you're so hard. Do you like me referring to you like that?"

"I—yes," Soobin admits in a moan, surprising himself as well. 

There's a gentle touch on his ass before it turns into a full blown strike, Soobin's body reacting by retracting away from the touch.

"I'm sorry, baby. You don't like being spanked?"

Soobin shakes his head. "Never tried it before."

"I don't mind saving it for next time."

Next time this, next time that. Is Yeonjun fucking serious? Soobin needs to survive tonight first.

Soobin almost regrets turning himself over like this because he can't tell Yeonjun's next move, just like he couldn't sense the swat coming along prior. He can register Yeonjun's proximity because he feels the bed dip, but other than that, he is playing a game blindly. And yet, he trusts Yeonjun entirely. 

"Can I keep going?"

"Please," Soobin promises.

"Eat you out? Have you ever had someone do that, baby?"

Again, Soobin shakes his head. "N-no."

"Need your pussy around me asap , anyway. We need enough time, who knows when your lover will return."

Soobin whines, knowing who Yeonjun is talking about and it hurts more than the spanking. "Not my lover."

"Whatever," Yeonjun scoffs. 

Yeonjun is much gentler with his touches now that Soobin has confessed to being a virgin with the activities he suggested prior. Soobin is thankful for that, but also a sense of timidness washes over him for being so inexperienced. He almost feels as if he wouldn't be good enough for someone like Yeonjun who is way older and probably had his fair share of bodies who've done way more than Soobin just like himself.

"Hey, why are you shaking like a leaf, baby?" Yeonjun asks with concern, carefully turning him over. 

"This is okay?" Soobin asks with a shaky voice. "I'm enough for you?"

"Gosh, Bin. More than enough. What makes you think that?"

"I haven't been with many people, just a few boyfriends and we were always just sleeping together and doing none of what you asked about. I don't know if I—if I'm enough."

Yeonjun gently cards his fingers through Soobin's hair. In somewhat of a hushed tone, he reassures, "we don't have to do anything but I don't care about what you have or haven't done. I want you so, so badly, baby. In any way you want to give yourself to me."

Soobin wipes his face and nods in agreement. "Want you, too. You can do whatever you want with me."

"I'll prep you open first, how's that sound? Step by step, doll. Then I'll fuck you so good, do you want that?" Yeonjun asks him way too soft and patiently, it's too hard to say no. It's a good thing Soobin doesn't want to say no. 

"Please, yes please, I want it."

"Thanks for using your words, sweetheart. Now turn over again."

Soobin gets himself comfortable on the bed while feeding instructions to Yeonjun about where the activity equipment are. Yeonjun's words, not Soobin's. He hears the footsteps and shuffling in the distance until there is a choked laugh. 

"So this is why I couldn't help you with your dresser," Yeonjun says in a smug tone. "Woah, that's a big boy."

"Shut up," Soobin squeals.

"Beautiful collection," Yeonjun snickers. 

Though Soobin allowed himself to compromise his senses again, he really doesn't mind. There is just something about Yeonjun that gives him an excessive sense of ease. He hears the way Yeonjun rolls the bottle of lube in between his palms, and hears the bottle cap clicking open. Yeonjun's hands massage Soobin's ass and thighs before adjusting his body onto his lap.

The bed is too small for the both of them, Soobin said so. Now Yeonjun struggles with getting comfortable to finger Soobin. With a little bit of maneuvering, Yeonjun sits upright with Soobin splayed over his thighs, ass in perfect display for Yeonjun to knead and spread apart. 

As much as Soobin would've enjoyed Yeonjun taking him apart slowly and tenderly all night, the two both agree on opening up Soobin quickly just in case there are interruptions. While it feels wrong to discuss Beomgyu and Miyeon during such a time, it's something inevitable, they can't avoid the what ifs. 

It's a tight fit when Yeonjun inserts the first digit, but Soobin's cock twitches anyhow. Yeonjun is awfully gentle about it, hardly pressing down to the first knuckle until Soobin urges him otherwise. A good amount of thrusts with one turns into two, then three. By three, he's experimenting with his angles, pressing deeper into Soobin and curling his fingers. It earns a sharp yelp from Soobin when Yeonjun begins thrusting his fingers with a precise crook.

Soobin eggs him on with breathy moans, begging to be filled right away. It's been way too long for Soobin and he would kind of like to take on Yeonjun r ight now . Yeonjun who has always been here for him since he came into Soobin's life, spreading nothing but generosity and charisma. Yeonjun who is madly attractive and multi-talented and nurturing and ages older than him and his best friend's brother, but the last two don't matter, Yeonjun is perfect to Soobin. 

"Yeonjun-hyung, please, inside please, I need you."

"Yeah, baby? You need me? Just a minute. Position yourself however you want for me."

Soobin does as he's told while Yeonjun tears the condom and slips it on with ease. Soobin wonders if it's something he does often. Not that it bothers him, but again, Soobin is nothing compared to him, and Yeonjun is really out of his league, it should be no surprise he is able to have many bed partners. Enough of that, Soobin ends up lying on his back, wanting to see Yeonjun no top of him because he couldn't get enough of that on the couch earlier. 

"Your cunt is absolutely soaking for me, baby," Yeonjun whispers while applying lube in between them, the tip of his cock pressing against Soobin's hole as he drizzles it. 

Soobin hums in response, afraid to use his voice, just hoping that Yeonjun would carry on with little to no feedback from Soobin. He'll do everything and anything Yeonjun wants. 

Perhaps sensing Soobin's state of mind, Yeonjun begins slowly thrusting in. The stretch is immediate and so uncomfortable, despite feeling prepared from Yeonjun's fingers. Obviously, it's not the same but he didn't think it would hurt this terribly. 

"Wait—stop," Soobin gasps, applying pressure from his palm against Yeonjun's abdomen.

"What's wrong, Soobin?"

"Slower, slower." 

Yeonjun gives him sorrowful eyes and Soobin knows it's sympathy towards Soobin's pain and not because he's disappointed in Soobin making him stop. He suggests just fucking with the tip til Soobin gets the hang of it. They do just that until Soobin is needy for more, not caring if it'll all still hurt. He just wants to be filled up by Yeonjun's cock.

It comes easier when Yeonjun holds his hand and whispers words of encouragement. Soobin's jaw is clenched and he forces his body to loosen up as Yeonjun cautiously inches in. Soobin feels his hole engulf all of Yeonjun's cock until he's fully nestled inside to the hilt. Soobin doesn't ever remember feeling this full. He was too busy with everything new and his insecurities, he didn't even look at Yeonjun's size. But it feels like so much. So full of his Yeonjun-hyung. 

"Gosh, it's like you're gonna break me," Soobin sobs, rubbing his stomach as if he could feel some type of bulge but knows that's not really possible even if Yeonjun feeIs so large. "You can move. Just careful."

"I could say the same with how tight you are. It's been way too long, fuck you feel incredible," Yeonjun rasps, gently taking on shallow thrusts.

"I could—I could say the same, too."

"Two years," Yeonjun mutters, "been busy."

Soobin laughs at the thought of them still having a banter while Yeonjun is balls deep inside of him, picking up the pace. "Hm, you win."

"Of course I do, I have such a trophy beneath me."

"Father and prince charming, aren't you?"

"Flattered. Gonna fuck you now, yeah? And you'll tell me when you don't want to do something?"

Soobin purses his lips and releases a brief, " uh-huh ."

"That's a good doll."

A yelp escapes Soobin's lips when Yeonjun snaps his hips, practically shoving himself into Soobin with every thrust. Hard and passionate like nothing Soobin has experienced this night yet. He keeps going just like that and Soobin wishes it didn't hurt so much earlier, he could've had this sooner and longer. 

Yeonjun, just as good as he is at everything, isn't disappointing when he is in bed either. He knows just how to control his own body and how to pull whimpers and squirms out of Soobin. With each moan spilling and every time Soobin digs his nails into the sheets, it seems to initiate Yeonjun's hunger to satiate the both of them. He understands their bodies so well, so experienced, and unmatched. Soobin thinks he can't go back . 

Soobin isn't surprised they fit on this tiny bed together, but it's the way Yeonjun fucks him with all he has in all that he is given. They're both too tall for this bed, any higher and Soobin is bound to knock his head against the bed frame with every thrust, and any lower and their toes will dangle off the mattress. Yet somehow, Yeonjun manages to fuck him through and through without a hitch. The bed creaks and shakes, Soobin bought the bedframe on discount and wouldn't be surprised if one of the legs just gave out from Yeonjun's agility and strength.

The way Yeonjun grips him, fingers kneading into his skin, and the way looks at him, lustful and hungry. It’s enough. Soobin feels enough. He feels so good. He feels like Yeonjun can’t get enough of him. Even if for a single night, he feels so cherished.

Yeonjun suddenly angles his hips in a way that has Soobin desperately clutching onto Yeonjun's arm, digging and digging into him from the sheer pleasure erupting throughout his entire body. The crown of Yeonjun's cock incessantly jabs against his prostate, making Soobin near howl from how ravaged and animalistic he feels. 

" Fuck ! Oh, hyung! Hyung, hyung, Yeonjun, fuck me." 

"Don't be too loud, Soobin," Yeonjun says huskily with an airy chuckle. 

"Don't—don't make me get loud, Yeonjun," he spits back.

The older man pulls out and rests his cock on Soobin, tucked somewhere in between Soobin's own cock and thigh.

Soobin gasps and sudders, almost shouts with irritation, loathing the empty feeling. "Wait, I take that back, please, please. I'll keep quiet."

"Tell me you want me to fuck your pussy first."

Soobin feels the blood rise to his face, cheeks blazing in an instant. Nonetheless, tonight he lives to fuel and satiate Yeonjun. "Hyung, please fuck my pussy, need you, hyung. Need your cock inside my tight cunt." 

"Good girl."

That just does it. 

Along with Yeonjun returning right back into his rightful place, skilled hips working to rail Soobin deep into the mattress. 

Soobin's thighs start to quiver. He is not going to last. He is done for. Yeonjun is hitting all the right places and he cannot hold on. 

And Soobin does the opposite of keeping quiet.

"I'm close, so close, please," Soobin sobs deliriously, rutting upwards to prove to Yeonjun just how close he is. 

"Already, babe?"

"Yes! Yeonjun, please—can I? Hyung, please!"

"Oh, you like asking for my permission?"

Soobin screws his eyes shut, forcing himself to hold on, but still crying out, "stop it. I need to come." He doesn't know why he won't just come on his own, but after all Yeonjun has done for him and given him, it only feels right to wait and be told. 

"You're so cute, Soobin. Okay, touch yourself, babygirl."

Soobin doesn't even get the chance to touch himself, instead, he claws his stomach through his release, unable to control the function of his own hands as his cock spurts white ribbons on his stomach. He feels his climax subsiding easier, hardly registering that Yeonjun is stroking him off. Soobin's body twitches as Yeonjun pumps him off a little overdue, reaching sensitivity.

"No more, no more, done now," Soobin wails, wiggling to get Yeonjun to stop.

"That was so hot, Bin. You came untouched from a few girly petnames."

"Oh, shut up." Soobin drops his head back in exhaustion, trying to chase a regular breathing pattern. But then he is suddenly recalling, "wait, you're not done. I can suck you off or you can finish inside."

"Shit," Yeonjun gasps, "no need, I'll just rub it out."

"On my face then."

"Fuck, baby. Alright. On your knees?"

Soobin obeys, the carpet tickling his knees. He instantly gawks at the thing that was just inside him. Peering up, he sees Yeonjun’s beautifully sculpted abs and wonders how Yeonjun manages even if he knows the man’s day by day schedule, and even his workout routine. Yeonjun begins stroking himself and his face is such a sight. Soobin was way too involved with how good everything felt, he didn’t get to indulge in Yeonjun’s tantalizing, fucked out expressions. 

As Yeonjun works his fist to find his high, Soobin splays a hand on the man’s lap and strokes encouragingly. While not very skilled, he can’t say the same for his mouth. He loves voicing out his desires and really making his partners know what he’s thinking. He intends to give Yeonjun everything he’s got, just so Soobin knows he’s the reason behind Yeonjun feeling so good. 

"Oh, hyungie. I didn't get to say this earlier, but you're so big. Hyung is handsome but his cock is so gorgeous too. I didn't know. But I also love hyung's body. You're so fit, hyung. How is that possible? You're a hard worker, so busy all the time, but I didn't know that meant you work out so well, too. Oh, hyung, you're gonna come now, aren't you? Hyungie, please. Come and flex your abs for me, need to see you come so badly. I want it, hyung. Yeonjun-hyung, please—"

Warm ropes of come tickle Soobin's face. The saltiness on his tongue, the mild sting in his eyes. Soobin dramatically licks his lips as he continues to moan sultry dialogue to coax Yeonjun off his climax. His hands continue to stroke his thigh as he swallows any residue his mouth catches. His free hand glides along his face and he makes a show of collecting it onto the tips of his fingers before plunging it into his mouth.

"I took it all, hyung," Soobin says, poking his tongue out. "See?"

"Baby, get up, here," Yeonjun groans while already hoisting Soobin up.

Yeonjun pulls Soobin into a harsh kiss, their most desirable and roughest one yet, and Soobin’s mind goes fuzzy. Yeonjun’s fingers scratch down Soobin’s back, Soobin curling deeper into Yeonjun’s body as their flaccid cocks press against each other. He jolts from a painful spank against his ass. That causes Yeonjun to whimper into his mouth and Soobin tastes metal shortly after. 

"You're so fucking sexy, Bin."

"You, too, Junnie," Soobin responds with a pleased smile. He is beyond elated and the look Yeonjun gives him makes him want to melt. As he’s staring at all of him he notices something. “You’re bleeding.” 

Yeonjun wipes his mouth and they both notice the streak of red on the palm of his hand. “I deserved that,” he chuckles lowly. 

Soobin leans forward and sucks at the tiny cut he caused. Yeonjun releases a shaky breath against his lips before the two pull apart. 

“Lay down,” Yeonjun instructs, moving the blankets away for Soobin to get comfortable. 

Soobin does as told but not without pulling Yeonjun onto him and colliding their lips again. He can’t get enough of Yeonjun’s mouth. The feeling, the taste. How Soobin feels when he kisses him. It all puts Soobin in a daydream-like state. Unfortunately, Yeonjun removes himself from Soobin within minutes later.

Yeonjun vanishes too suddenly despite the spark in the moment, Soobin instantly missing his warmth. He bends over and retrieves something off the ground. It glows lightly and they both chuckle at it before he settles it on top of the nightstand. Yeonjun leaves after that and Soobin can only sigh, assuming that Yeonjun has gone to Miyeon now. Though she is his first priority, Soobin wishes he could've spent more time with Soobin or at least said his goodbyes. Maybe that's why Yeonjun wanted to do it in Soobin's room. Not have the burden of awkwardly cleaning up or kicking him out. He shouldn't want to compete or compare himself to a toddler but he really fucking wishes he had Yeonjun all to himself right now. He is sure he has been feeling a mild sub drop if the tears streaming down his face are anything to say.

"Soobin, are you hurt?"

Not being able to lie for some reason, Soobin nods.

"Oh, shit. Where?!"

Soobin makes grabby hands, desperate to pull Yeonjun down on top of him and shelter him, covering him from the things that lurk in the darkness. He just wants a blanket of Yeonjun. 

"What's wrong? Where's it hurt?"

"Here," Soobin squeaks, gilding Yeonjun's hand towards his heart. "I thought you left. No aftercare."

"Baby, I would not leave you, especially not without kissing you and taking care of you."

Soobin blinks his tears away and even if he has a hard time letting go of Yeonjun, he loosens his grip eventually because Yeonjun wants to take care of him . He feels the cool sensation spreading throughout his stomach and lower body, wincing when Yeonjun wipes his sensitive parts. 

Yeonjun spreads his legs and crawls in between them, the sound of something uncapping alerts Soobin. Panic storms Soobin's system and he jolts up in protest. Yeonjun gazes at him in confusion but lowers the bottle respectfully.

"Nuh-uh, Yeonjun, can't," Soobin says without any energy, because he has none. It would be impossible to go again and enjoy it. 

"Oh, it’s not what you think it is. No, no. I know that. Don't worry. This'll help, it'll soothe your rim," he responds delicately.

Yeonjun wiggles the bottle in his fingers as if to show how harmless it is before spreading it onto his fingers. The scent is refreshing but he will never get used to how cold liquid can be against his skin, his asshole of all places. He massages Soobin's rim with the tip of his finger and Soobin feels bad for ever questioning Yeonjun's intentions.

"It's not diaper rash cream is it?"

"Gosh, Bin, no…"

Soobin drops his head back down with a relieved giggle, "I won't ask." 

"You don't have to. I'll tell you. It's aloe." 

"Thank you, hyung. It does feel soothing." 

"That's the goal, sweetheart. The stretch just might hurt a little less tomorrow, right?" Yeonjun reasons in the softest tone he has ever heard, Soobin could probably be lulled to sleep by his voice alone. 

"Okay." 

The two lay in silence when they are all cleaned up, minus the blankets which Soobin protested against, badly wanting to cling onto Yeonjun longer instead. He can hear Yeonjun’s heartbeat and steady breath in this silence. It’s actually him who breaks the silence that almost lulled Soobin fast to sleep.

"Soobin, I've never been with a guy.”

It’s not something Soobin ever considered when it came to Yeonjun. They never talk about those things. He can only muster, "Oh, you were incredible though." 

“Oh haha, thanks,” Yeonjun giggles. 

Then it hits Soobin, almost painfully so. "So, that was a slip up, not a kink of yours?"

"It wasn't a slip up either. I thought it would be easier."

Soobin caresses Yeonjun’s bare chest and sympathetically asks, "Was this difficult for you?"

"No, because everything is easy with you. It all feels so natural. I don’t think I ever cared about my preferences, people are attractive and you see everybody's ups and downs, but you’re the first man who—it just happened.”

"I'm happy you came into my life, or the way I came into yours. I don't know which of us is more honored,” Soobin admits with a bundle of nerves in his throat. He doesn’t know why he’s so shy right now but he knows he means every single word. 

“I’m happy I found you.” 

Yeonjun rolls onto Soobin and spreads his legs apart with his own. He slots in between Soobin like he was made for it and starts planting delicate kisses all over Soobin’s upper body. Soobin releases a pleasant breath when Yeonjun begins to suck on the skin, nibbling and lapping in between it all. Yeonjun is so skilled everywhere isn’t he, because even a subtle bite above his collarbone causes Soobin to moan and arch his back. 

“I could go again, if you can,” Yeonjun says huskily, in between harsh sucks.

“Gosh, yes—just stick it in, seriously.”

Yeonjun is already semi hard against Soobin’s thigh, making their decision easy. Neither of them mention another condom. Soobin can't think rationally, nor does he really care. Yeonjun is fumbling in between their bodies when a light beam streaks the walls. The sound of a car engine heading up the driveway brings them to their senses. 

Yeonjun pulls away with a sigh, mouth tucked in between the crook of Soobin's jaw and shoulder where he gives him a sudden, sharp suck of skin. Soobin emits a full on shrill at the sudden, painful contact. Yeonjun only glances down at him with a devilish smirk. 

"I'm gonna go check on Miyeon," Yeonjun mentions as he slowly gets up from the bed. "Maybe this is goodnight, too?"

"Yeah," Soobin says sadly. It feels as an unspoken agreement that neither of them want Beomgyu to know about this. "Goodnight, hyung." 

Yeonjun welcomes sleepy time with a tender kiss to his lips and sweet dreams softly against his ear. 

୨♡୧

Soobin wakes up sore, feeling like last night was just a dream. But the marks and soreness all over his body are remnants of his rendezvous with his housemate slash crush's brother slash sexy father of one. 

Soobin thinks it'll be awkward when he sees Yeonjun, not really knowing how or what to say but to his surprise Yeonjun kisses him on the cheek and offers him breakfast. 

“I’ll just have some tea for now,” Soobin says and heads over to Miyeon who’s having her own breakfast. 

Soobin yelps when he kneels down to sit down in a crossed position and opts in laying on his back. 

"Okay, Binnie?" Miyeon asks. 

"Mhm, baby, I just slept badly. How about you?"

"Good!"

Soobin rolls onto his side and watches her eat. He has an amazing time with her and intends to spend more time with her outside of the house. What more adventures can he and his niece get to? That’s what she is at this point right? Soobin calls the Choi brother’s parents his own, it makes sense enough to say Miyeon is his beautiful niece. They are family. 

"Messy? You made mess!" Miyeon squeaks suddenly. 

"Huh! Where?"

Miyeon points to his chest and Soobin’s eyes widen, forgetting that he didn’t bother to cover up. It wasn’t the first thing he thought of considering Beomgyu probably wouldn't be awake after his long night. And he certainly didn’t think Miyeon would pick up on something like this. He sort of wanted to parade around Yeonjun with the memories of last night but now he is definitely mortified and regrets it.  

"I go clean up!" 

Soobin carefully gets up and glares at Yeonjun the entire time but the man only seems to be stifling his laughter. 

To make matters worse, Beomgyu pulls Soobin by the arm when the two meet at the archway. He corners Soobin before he could get the chance to cover up. 

"So, fun night?"

"You could say that,” Soobin answers, realizing he has nothing to hide at this point.

"I thought you were babysitting."

"I was."

"So—did my brother reward you or something?"

What the fuck? What does he know? No, how does he know? Feigning ignorance, he shrieks, "ew, what are you talking about!"

"I'm saying I know he said he cut it short. So where'd you head to after he dismissed you early?"

Short? It was one long night out. Was Yeonjun planning on doing more? Swallowing the sudden lump in his throat he answers, "nowhere in particular."

"Hey, it's been forever since my Soobinnie got some action. You know you can tell me! Are we going to have another housemate soon?"

"No way, Gyu!” Soobin shoves him in the chest. "And it was just a one time thing."

When Soobin does look at his reflection for the first time in the morning, he nearly shrieks. Blossoming blotches so prominent all over his neck. It didn't seem like that much when he was peering down earlier. He wears a hoodie and meets everybody, but each brother has a strange expression of their own when he’s back. 

There’s a knock at the door. 

It’s Yeonjun because only he knocks. 

There’s no mannered greeting when Yeonjun invades his space after closing the door. He gets straight to the point when asks, "Did you mean what you said earlier?"

Soobin frowns at the sudden interrogation, and the deadpanned look on Yeonjun that seems so different from his charismatic gazes. 

“It’s been a long day. What part?"

“We were only a one time thing?"

Soobin admits he had an amazing time. Yeonjun treated him so specially and held him like he was his entire world. And yes, it felt so damn good. Yeonjun felt incredible inside him and on top of him. But what’s supposed to happen after that? He and Yeonjun will continue to fuck with his brother and daughter around? Soobin still harbors feelings for said brother still. It makes no sense to share a bed with the older one while his heart is elsewhere in the younger’s hands. 

"Yeah, I think so. I mean, I was annoyed with Beomgyu all week and you didn't like your date. It was just for fun, wasn't it?"

Yeonjun averts his gaze. Soobin wants to cup his cheeks and ask what’s wrong. His expression is suddenly so stony cold when he mumbles, " Right… "

୨♡୧

Soobin is aware he said something wrong since that evening, but what?

It has been nearly a week and Yeonjun has gone out of his way to avoid Soobin. 

Three days ago, Soobin had eagerly asked Yeonjun to go out and buy groceries together but Yeonjun dismissed him, mentioning that it's not in his budget at the moment. When has Yeonjun ever said that? They both know Yeonjun spoils the entire household rotten with treats and has taken them out to spontaneous meals numerous times since he's lived with them. 

That's not all. 

Soobin learned from the best. He intended on being as persistent as can be. As persistent as his very own Yeonjunnie-hyungie.

Two days ago, Soobin was in the kitchen in Yeonjun's apron, acting as a helpless, disheveled damsel in distress meanwhile Yeonjun was reading a book. He made clumsy noises and futile attempts to rummage through cabinets. But no avail. Yeonjun hardly bat an eye in his direction. Eventually Soobin asked if he could help him prepare a recipe—for a friend, because maybe he would be more willing if it wasn't for Soobin directly—but Yeonjun told him he wanted to finish his book upstairs. He doesn't even read all that much in the afternoon.

Soobin has never felt more neglected until today. 

The boy plays a different role today. Similarly, he is just as boggled and frantic. Except this time, he makes himself purposefully late to class, hoping Yeonjun will ask him for a ride. 

Soobin harshly opens and closes the fridge, pretending to laborly pant here and there. It seems as if he is a ghoul or something because the man pays no mind, yet again. 

Soobin sheds a tear when he slams the front door and takes his usual route to campus. The tardiness doesn't bother him as much as the ache in his chest and the frustration clouding his mind. 

It doesn't take much for Soobin to accept that Yeonjun is very upset with him. He knew since the beginning, when Yeonjun would avoid being in the same room as him. But after he started sticking around, Soobin found hope. He rather Yeonjun abort every shared space than to blatantly ignore him right in front of his face. 

At least he didn't stop Soobin from engaging with Miyeon. His heart would've broke even more if he were to be revoked the opportunity to spend time with her. 

On this very same night, Soobin gets into the bathroom with Yeonjun brushing his teeth, knowing the man will be incapable of escaping. Yeonjun looks at him through the mirror with wide eyes, Soobin would almost find it cute that he's foaming at the mouth quite literally. But he remembers he is upset at Yeonjun for hurting him. 

"Why are you avoiding me? Aren't you a grown ass man? What are you running away from?" It's more hostile than Soobin imagined. He planned this discussion all afternoon, but he just lost it just now. 

Yeonjun continues to mind his business and brush his teeth. Before Soobin can repeat himself with a raised voice, Yeonjun spits his toothpaste and rinses, leaving Soobin less impatient and more hopeful. "Is that how you talk to someone older than you?" he says eventually, being nothing that Soobin imagined him to say.  

"I wouldn't have to if you weren’t acting like all the childish guys I dated the last couple of years."

"Now you’re comparing me to people you've dated meanwhile we're just a one time thing, right?"

Soobin's jaw drops and he quickly fishes his lower lip back up. "Hm, so this is what it's all about."

Yeonjun just stares blankly, eyes dull and…disinterested? He has only ever shown Soobin all of his attentiveness and interest. It hurts so deeply to be dismissed by someone Soobin thought gave him so much. 

"What am I supposed to do?" Soobin whispers, voice shaky from his emotions lodged in this throat and his chest tight, like his ribs are pressing into his lungs. 

Yeonjun shrugs impassively. "Nothing. I'll try to get out of your hair soon."

Soobin doesn't like the sound of that. "Wait, why?"

"Soobin, I'm into you. It's annoying but I'll put it your way, I am older and I'm not like the guys your age. I like you but I don't want to play around. I won't have it both ways. I don't want to fool around if you aren't actually interested. I tried so hard to be somebody that could make you lessen your pain. I hated seeing you hurt over Beomgyu and I just wanted to be there for you as a friend but then something happened to me, my feelings for you. It didn't work, right? You can't move on. So, let's stop here, okay? I'll move on."

"I still love him," is all Soobin is able to muster and he knows that was the wrong response. 

Yeonjun leans against the counter, forearms gripping the edge of it. It's the smallest Soobin has ever seen him. "I know."

Again, it's probably wrong but all Soobin can say is, "can I still take care of Miyeon?"

"Of course." Yeonjun pushes himself off the counter before standing upright, finger gesturing Soobin. "Come here."

Soobin takes a few hesitant steps closer, inches away from Yeonjun. He realizes he misses their proximity. He doesn't know when he's started growing used to Yeonjun's scent and warmth, but it's all too familiar and he finds himself wanting to get closer and to never let go of the older man. Yeonjun is everything that is comfortable and safe in life—a security net or blanket, Soobin thinks is what some would call it. 

Yeonjun's hand comes up to Soobin's face and he thumbs at his cheek tenderly as he continues, "all I can give you is my confession. I don't wish for anything in return if you can't reciprocate my feelings. You of all people know that, right? I'm happy if you're happy." 

But I'm not! Soobin wants to shout. Instead he emits a shaky, " Yeonjun… "

Yeonjun kisses him on the cheek like a real fucking gentleman and stays there for some time. Soobin turns his head in hopes that Yeonjun's lips will meet his own, but he has already pulled way at that point. Soobin leans in, but Yeonjun presses a firm hand on his chest. He vanishes and the moment feels like it never happened, but Soobin has the tingle on his cheek to prove it, and the agony in his chest to almost say, yes I feel like my heart is broken.  

But Soobin doesn't mean it like that . 

He is pained to lose such a pillar in his life. They won't ever be the same. 

So why does Soobin wishes he had more than just that. 

He doesn't wish to kiss his friends, only Beomgyu who he has always established that he sees as more than that. 

Why does he wish he could occupy the space beside Yeonjun in his bed and take all of his words back, and kiss him?