Archive of Our Own

Kunikida is going to lose his damn mind. 

The pen he’s holding makes a concerning squeaking noise as he grips it tightly, trying to channel patience through his body. He takes a deep breath and makes it up to ten seconds before giving up, stewing in his madness. 

The paperwork after the terrorism incident is horrible. There’s so much to do that even Ranpo has picked up his share of work. Plus with Dazai incapacitated and Fukuzawa away most of the time—he’s settling things with the government as well as his own mind—they’re a bit low on manpower. 

Kunikida never thought he’d say this, but he doesn’t want to do his work. He’s sick of staring at pages upon pages of words. But the stack of papers on his desk isn’t getting any lower, so he’s been working overtime as often as possible, trying to maximise his time. 

He’s alone in the office, everyone else having already gone home. It’s nearing 7pm on a Friday, after all. If anyone was still here, Kunikida would scold them and chase them away. He’s aware that’s hypocritical of him, but he doesn’t want anyone else shouldering such a heavy burden. 

The door creaks open and Kunikida jumps, automatically grabbing his notebook. He only relaxes when he sees that it’s Dazai, who limps in with his stickered-cane and a casual smile. 

Dazai’s cast was very recently removed, and while he is regaining strength, he’s exchanged his crutches for a cane. It was a simple black colour until Kenji started passing him stickers to decorate it with. There’s a sticker to represent each of the Agency members—a magnifying glass, a cup of tea, a butterfly, a snowflake, a cow, a rabbit, a tiger, and a pen. They’re the waterproof, holographic kind too. It’s undeniably cheesy, but Kenji compliments Dazai whenever he sees it, so Dazai keeps them. 

“Kunikida-kun! There you are. How’s the paperwork?”

Kunikida sighs, glancing at his desk. He ignores Dazai’s question as he comes closer. “Why are you here? You should be resting.”

“Aw, don’t say that. I feel as fresh as ever!”

“Why are you even here?” Kunikida repeats as he sets his pen down, swivelling his chair to face Dazai while he slowly makes his way over. 

“I was coming back from physical therapy in a cab and saw the light still on! And I thought to myself, no way Kunikida-kun is still working at this horrid timing. So I came to check, and look what I found!” Dazai uses his cane to knock Kunikida’s shins lightly, shaking his head. “You should go home.”

Those are definitely lies, or at least partial lies. Dazai could’ve gotten off at the dorms, but he chose to get off at the office building, likely on purpose. But Kunikida won’t call him out on it.

Kunikida sighs. “You know there’s too much to do.”

“Even so, your hands are trembling again. You can continue tomorrow.”

Dazai drops himself onto the chair next to Kunikida, such that their knees are touching. He leans in, face uncharacteristically serious. “Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Kunikida feels a lump in his throat. He coughs into his fist, looking away. “You should follow your own advice.”

That usual carefree smile returns as Dazai throws his hands into the air, rolling his eyes. “Whatever! I wanna go home.”

“Go on, then.”

“Alone?” Dazai pouts, poking Kunikida’s arm. “What if I fall over and die? I’m still wobbly, you know. Someone needs to accompany me or I may—”

“Alright, I get it,” Kunikida sighs. He glares at Dazai, who beams innocently. “If you weren’t healing, I’d punch you.”

“Hehe, Kunikida-kun should do it anyway.” Dazai bats his eyelashes and Kunikida seriously considers giving in. 

He blames it on the fact that his hands hurt too much to even draw them into fists. Instead, he shuts his laptop and packs his things up, heading towards the door. 

“Have you eaten?” Kunikida asks, glancing back. Dazai makes a muffled noise, which he takes as a no. “Let’s grab something first, then.”

Before Dazai can whine, Kunikida adds, “I’ll pay.”

That gets Dazai standing in record time. Kunikida rolls his eyes, but he smiles as he opens the door. He likes it when Dazai wants to take care of himself, even if it’s something as simple as eating. If paying for his meal will encourage him to do so, then Kunikida will do it a hundred times over. 

After turning off all the lights, Kunikida and Dazai lock up the office. When they’re out, Kunikida notices Dazai’s eyes linger on the staircase as he tightens his grip on his cane. So Kunikida clears his throat and says, “Are we taking the elevator?”

“Eh? Yeah…” Dazai replies, eyes snapping towards him. 

“Oh, good. My back is hurting a lot more than I thought.”

Dazai tilts his head to the side. “Really?” His grip loosens. “I’m sure Kenji-kun will give you a massage. He might crush your bones, though!”

Kunikida pretends to glare, pressing the button for the first level once they’re both in the elevator. “Very funny.”

Kunikida’s car is parked nearby the building. Once they’re both in, with Dazai settled in the passenger’s seat, he starts the engine. 

“What do you want to eat?” Kunikida asks. 

“What do you want to eat?” Dazai shoots back, crossing his arms. 

He gives Dazai an unimpressed look. There's silence for a few seconds before Dazai huffs, giving in. "Fine. I want to eat Mexican food."

Kunikida allows himself a smile. "I can work with that."

They drive to a nearby Mexican restaurant and enter together. Kunikida heads to the counter to order while Dazai finds them a seat. Kunikida also comes back with two glasses of water, passing one to Dazai. 

As they wait for their food, Kunikida's mind drifts to the things he needs to do when he gets home. He must not do a very good job of hiding it too, because Dazai is giving him an odd, disapproving look.

"Kunikida-kun is thinking too hard again," he mutters, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction. 

Kunikida sighs, rubbing his eyes. "There's just a lot to do. Sorry."

He doesn't know why he's apologising. It's not like going out for dinner together means all his attention should be placed on Dazai. Not unless this is a date—

He flinches at his own thoughts. Of course this isn't a date. Why would it ever be? How ridiculous.

Dazai is still staring at him with that unreadable, closed off look he gets sometimes. Kunikida has never been able to decipher what it means. It's either Dazai is lost in his own thoughts, or is plotting something mischievous. No in-between.

Kunikida knows he isn't obliged to Dazai’s every emotion, but sometimes he wonders if he can really consider himself Dazai's partner. Even after two years, Kunikida still doesn't know many things about Dazai. He only knows what Dazai allows him to see, and that invisible barrier between them makes Kunikida feel a bit… shut out.

Especially because Dazai seems to know Kunikida even better than he knows himself sometimes. He's insanely good at studying human behaviour, and Kunikida supposes being partners means he's Dazai's number one specimen. 

"You're frowning again. But it's about a different thing this time," Dazai says, snapping his fingers in Kunikida's face. "What's got you so frustrated? I know it's not about work."

Case in point.

Kunikida attempts a smile, though it definitely comes out more like a grimace. He can't lie to Dazai either, for the man will call him out on it immediately, so he just settles for a half-truth. “You know me incredibly well, don’t you?”

Dazai’s eyebrows fly up in surprise. His mask slips back almost immediately, though, and he beams. “Of course! You’re my best partner ever, after all!”

You’re mine too, Kunikida thinks, but he doesn’t voice it out loud. 

Instead, he swallows roughly, an odd feeling in his chest. “Too bad. You’d be mine if you did your paperwork.”

“Hey!” Dazai whines, pouting, and the familiar back and forth has Kunikida relaxing, just for a moment. 

Their food comes, so their conversation comes to a halt. Kunikida had ordered them each a rice bowl and some hard-shelled tacos to share. He knows Dazai has a heavy dislike for black beans, so he made sure to replace those with corn for Dazai’s bowl. 

Dazai looks between their bowls, obviously noticing the difference. Kunikida refuses to say anything, picking up his spoon.

“…Kunikida-kun knows me well, too,” Dazai whispers, sounding ridiculously awestruck over a bit of food. 

His words make Kunikida’s cheeks go aflame. He pretends not to acknowledge them, scooping a spoonful of rice and shoving it into his mouth with a lot less class that he usually would. 

Dazai doesn’t let up, because of course he wouldn’t, and uses his non-injured leg to kick Kunikida teasingly. There’s a fond grin on his face that he pointedly ignores. “I knew you loved me, Kunikida-kun! Come on, admit it~”

Kunikida doesn’t know what Dazai is trying to evoke from him, but it’s working. He sends him a nasty glare that’s weakened by the redness in his cheeks, and Dazai doesn’t stop grinning the whole time. 

“Eat your fucking food,” is what Kunikida musters up, and Dazai bursts out laughing, obliging. 

Heading home is a quiet, peaceful ordeal. 

As Kunikida drives them back to the dorms, Dazai fiddles around with the aux. Kunikida doesn’t listen to music regularly anymore, but Dazai always does, so he lets him control the music. 

Dazai’s taste in music seems to be a little bit of everything from people they know. Kunikida recognises KPOP songs that Naomi listens to, jazzy R&B that Yosano likes, folk music that Lucy is always playing in the café, rock music from a band Chuuya follows and so on. Dazai’s playlist is a mess, but it’s a combination of people in his life, and that seems meaningful. 

When they’re almost back home, the first drop of rain falls. Kunikida grimaces as it begins drizzling. He turns on the windshield wipers and prays the rain doesn’t worsen. 

His prayers go unheard. Soon enough, it’s raining heavily, water droplets pattering against the car. It’s not a storm, but it’s heavy enough that he wouldn’t want to be out there without an umbrella. 

“That sucks,” Dazai mutters, staring out the window forlornly. 

“Maybe it’ll stop by the time I park,” Kunikida replies. The Agency’s parking lot is near the dorms, but it’s still a bit of a walk—unsheltered at that. 

When they reach the parking lot and Kunikida has parked his car, the rain still has not let up. They both get out of the car, Kunikida slinging his bag over his shoulder as he glares at the dark, cold sky for this inconvenience.

“I’m surprised you didn’t bring an umbrella,” Dazai says, leaning on his cane with two hands. 

Kunikida wants to sigh again. Having so much on his plate recently means he’s become a bit neglectful in other aspects of his life, such as meals and organisation. 

A gust of wind blows by and Dazai noticeably shivers. Not surprising—he’s always gotten cold easily. Kunikida heads to the trunk of his car where he keeps a spare blanket, taking it out. 

It’s made of deep purple wool, warm and fuzzy. He keeps it there for missions that are cities away, where whoever he’s driving with tends to fall asleep. 

Kunikida opens up the blanket and drapes it over Dazai’s unsuspecting frame, who flinches at the first touch. When he registers the blanket, Dazai relaxes, wrapping the fabric tighter around himself. 

Dazai doesn’t say thank you, but he does give Kunikida an uncharacteristically shy smile that has his heart leaping out of his throat. 

It’s uncomfortable. Kunikida crosses his arms tightly like that’ll keep the weird feelings at bay. 

They lean against the hood of his car, staring at the rain. After perhaps ten minutes of waiting, Dazai groans, fingers clenching restlessly. “Can’t you call someone to bring an umbrella over?”

Kunikida shakes his head. “No one’s available.”

“That’s not possible.”

“Atsushi and Kyouka do not own an umbrella. They refuse to buy one,” Kunikida reminds. “Yosano-sensei and the Tanizakis are on a mission. Kenji is with that Hunting Dog, because it’s Friday. And I am not paying Ranpo-san to do it.”

“Oh. What a pain,” Dazai huffs. “Well, we could just run.”

“We are not running.”

“I promise I can run. I’m not injured anymore,” Dazai says with a petulant eye roll. 

“That’s not my concern. I just don’t want you to get sick.”

Kunikida regrets his words immediately when he sees the smug, teasing look in Dazai’s eyes. “Aww, don’t worry, Kunikida-kun! I’m stronger than that.”

It’s hard to keep up a glare when Dazai is looking at him like that, with those stupid warm brown eyes that twinkle when he’s being annoying. Kunikida hates how his resolve crumbles. 

“Fine. But you are drying off at my dorm.”

“Oh? Why?”

“So I can make sure you do it,” Kunikida snaps. “Come on. Keep that blanket over your head.”

“It’s big enough for the both of us, you know.” Dazai unwraps the blanket, throwing it over Kunikida’s head. 

They probably look ridiculous. But Kunikida really wants to go home, so he sighs, grabbing one end of the cloth. “Whatever. Let’s go.”

They don’t actually run, but they do a quick walk under the rain towards the dorms, as quick as Dazai can anyway. Kunikida hates the feeling of water getting into his socks, plus the blanket gets soaked ten seconds into their journey. 

“I fucking hate this,” he voices out as much, and Dazai snorts. 

“Don’t be a baby! We’ve got a road to cross!”

It’s probably dangerous to jaywalk when it’s dark and raining, but Kunikida never claimed to be a good example. If it was anyone younger, though, he’d scold them for even suggesting such a horrible idea. 

Still, they pursue, dashing across the road when they see that it’s empty until they reach the entrance of Kunikida’s dorm. 

Kunikida unlocks the door, urging them both inside. He pulls off his shoes and socks, throwing them into the laundry room with a relieved sigh. Dazai pokes his head in, holding a crumpled up, dripping blanket. 

“Put it in the washing machine—” Kunikida instructs, but cuts off when he sees how wet the right side of Dazai’s body is. “How did you even do that?”

“The wind was blowing,” Dazai says with a shrug. Kunikida cannot believe him. He’s going to actually get sick. 

He beckons Dazai over, then forcefully takes his coat off, dumping it in his washing machine. Dazai stares at him with wide eyes as Kunikida manhandles him, and maybe he should’ve asked first, but there’s no going back now. Besides, if Dazai was genuinely uncomfortable, he’d have shoved Kunikida away long ago. He’s strong enough to do it. 

“You’re ridiculous,” Kunikida says. “Go take a shower. I’ll lend you clothes.”

“Um. Yeah,” Dazai mumbles, taking a few cautious steps back. Kunikida doesn’t know why he’s suddenly acting so shy. 

He ignores it and shoos Dazai away. Kunikida spends the next few minutes putting clothes into the washing machine, and after a bit of consideration, he takes off his vest too. He clicks start and waits for the cycle to begin. 

When he hears the water running, Kunikida heads into his room, digging through his closet for clothes that would fit Dazai. 

They’re not much different in size, but Dazai is slightly shorter and has wider shoulders, so Kunikida hunts for a loose t-shirt. Pants should fit just fine, though Dazai is quite skinny…

Kunikida pauses. Dazai’s dorm is just a floor above. He could always head up there and—

He hears the slide of the shower curtain, signalling that Dazai is done. Well, never mind then. Kunikida holds the clothes in his hands, knocking on the bathroom door. “Dazai? I’ll put the clothes out here, okay?”

Dazai’s muffled reply is heard through the door. “Okay.”

Kunikida arranges the pile of clothes neatly at the front of the door. When he’s satisfied, he heads into his bedroom again, looking for clothes of his own to wear. 

A few minutes later, the tell-tale sign of Dazai’s cane is heard from outside. He enters just as Kunikida turns around, holding his wet clothes in his hands. 

“Where can I put these?” he asks, but Kunikida’s voice dies in his throat. 

The loose, green shirt fits Dazai just fine, though the sleeves are just a tad bit too long, dangling over his wrists. Black sweatpants hang from his hips. His hair has already begun drying, looking fluffier than ever, and Kunikida—

His heart skips a beat.

“Why are you making that face?” Dazai asks with a tilt of his head. That draws Kunikida’s attention upwards, to the exposed pale skin of his neck, lacking its usual bandages. 

He clears his throat. “Sorry. I, uh, I’m glad the clothes fit. I didn’t know what to give you.”

Dazai doesn’t look like he believes him. “Okay…”

“You can put your clothes in my laundry basket. I’ll wash and return them to you two days later.” 

Kunikida picks up his pyjamas, walking up towards Dazai, who’s watching him carefully. He stops right in front of him, heart twisting oddly at the sight of guarded eyes. A faint, pink scar peaks out from Dazai’s neck.

Something overtakes Kunikida. He takes a deep breath before asking, “Would you like to stay over tonight?”

The look in Dazai’s eyes is replaced with surprise, followed by uncertainty. “What?”

“Just— Kenji isn’t here tonight. And I’ve gotten used to sleeping with company. I’ll change the sheets and everything, but you don’t have to say yes,” Kunikida rambles. 

Kenji doesn’t like sleeping alone. He says that back in his hometown, his entire family sleeps in one room together, with mattresses laid out on the floor in one big pile. So Kunikida got a spare mattress and placed it right next to his bed. 

Dazai blinks. Kunikida is about to retract his offer, an apology on the tip of his tongue, but then Dazai shrugs, glancing to the side. “Sure, whatever. If you insist.”

Relief floods Kunikida’s veins. “I do.”

After Kunikida is done showering, he finds Dazai in the bedroom, sitting on the mattress and flipping through a book.

"Why do you still have this?" he asks, lifting the book up for Kunikida to see the cover. It's an old maths textbook that Kunikida used to bring for his students to borrow if they'd like. He never bothered throwing it away.

"The more relevant question is, why are you reading that?" he sighs, grabbing his laptop from his desk. He brings it over to his own bed, opening it. Dazai shuts the textbook, tossing it to the side, and Kunikida would scold him for treating a book with so much disdain, but it’s old, so whatever. 

He opens his laptop, checking his email. Yosano sent in a report earlier, but Kunikida didn't get a chance to veto it yet, so he's going to do it now. Just as he pulls up the document, Dazai leans over.

"Why are you still working?" he complains. "It's almost ten. And you already worked overtime earlier."

Kunikida huffs. "Yeah, because someone doesn't do his fair share of the work."

"Ranpo-san is a pleasant individual, how dare you!"

"I'm not talking about Ranpo-san, idiot."

He smacks Dazai's head lightly and he giggles, unbothered. As Dazai rolls away, he suddenly winces, shoulders tensing up. It disappears as fast as it came, replaced with a casual smile, but Kunikida notices his leg twitch slightly.

"Are you okay?" he asks. 

Dazai's smile turns a little strained. "Of course! Anyway, that is so mean of you, Kunikida-kun, I'll have you know—"

"Dazai," he interrupts. "Is it hurting?"

He sets down his laptop, the report already forgotten. Their beds are right next to each other, so Dazai has no time to crawl away before Kunikida reaches out. He holds onto Dazai's arm, skin exposed and all, and suppresses the shiver that runs through him when No Longer Human takes place.

Something in Dazai's eyes dim, but Kunikida persists. He won't admit it, but he's always watching Dazai subtly to make sure he's healing alright. With all the horrible decisions he tends to make (like challenging Ranpo to a race down the stairs, or hopping off the desks he chooses to invade), he strains his leg more often than not.

Maybe Kunikida is a hypocrite, but he thinks Dazai should take care of himself more. But he won't, so Kunikida will do it for him.

Dazai shifts, but he doesn't pull away. After a moment, he sighs, turning away. "...It hurts. A little bit."

It's better than a not at all! If Dazai is admitting it, then it must be really bad. 

Kunikida grabs the pillow beside him and tosses it to Dazai. "Use that to elevate your leg. I'll be right back."

Before he can protest, Kunikida gets up, heading to the kitchen. He wets a clean cloth with warm water, then grabs a cup of water and some ibuprofen from his medicine stash. When he returns, he's pleased to see that Dazai has listened, and that his leg is resting nicely above the pillow.

Kunikida passes the medicine over, which Dazai takes wordlessly. He then sets himself at the edge of the bed and presses the warm cloth to his joints. As he does so, his laptop blacks out from inactivity. He ignores it.

A few minutes of silence passes. Dazai breaks it first. "...You don't have to."

Kunikida gives him an annoyed look, though he recognises that he isn't actually irritated. If anything, he's worried, but it expresses itself as otherwise. "But I'm gonna. Shut up."

Dazai, despite the situation, snorts. "Is this another one of your ideals?"

"Yep. To make sure you don't kill yourself over your leg hurting too much."

"Wow. I might just break it again out of spite."

Kunikida allows himself to smile at the familiar banter. "Go on. I'll break your other leg too. Idiot."

Dazai laughs, and suddenly, everything feels a lot lighter.

“Kunikida,” Yosano says as she enters the office. She’s the first one here after himself. “How’s Dazai’s leg?”

“Aching but improving, I think,” Kunikida replies automatically until he registers the question. “Why’d you ask me?”

“Hm? You’ve been keeping track, haven’t you?” 

Kunikida’s back stiffens. He has, but he didn’t think anyone noticed he’d added checking up on Dazai’s leg in his schedule. 

Yosano laughs, walking over to Dazai’s desk. There’s paperwork strewn over it and his stationery holder is knocked over. She rearranges his desk as she speaks. “I can’t hover over him all day—he’ll find it suffocating. So I’m glad you’re watching him too. I think he prefers it if it’s you, anyway.”

Kunikida keeps his eyes on her hands as she organises. “Please. Why would he prefer it to be me?”

Yosano’s hands still. She looks up, furrowing her eyebrows. “Huh? Of course he’d prefer you. You’re the only one in the Agency who he admits he’s hurting to.”

Kunikida opens his mouth to argue, but Yosano’s words settle in and he realises that she’s right. Dazai doesn’t let anyone younger see even an ounce of pain in his expressions. He often refuses Yosano’s checkups, and he doesn’t say anything to Ranpo either, though of course Ranpo figures it out anyway. 

Kunikida is the only person to have heard the words ‘it hurts’ from Dazai’s mouth, to have seen his eyebrows pinched in pain, mask removed. The realisation creates a weight in his chest.

“Oh,” he says, and Yosano smirks. 

“Yup. But anyway, I appreciate you looking out for him. Update me if his condition worsens, okay? Lord knows Dazai wouldn’t tell me himself.”

That’s something Kunikida can easily attest to. He nods, and Yosano pats his back before walking over to her office, shutting the door behind her. 

The rest of the Agency comes in a bit later at different timings. When Dazai comes in last, he doesn’t go to his seat, instead leaning over Kunikida’s shoulder to peer at his laptop. 

“A mission?” Dazai asks, reading the document Kunikida has open. Kunikida jumps, not expecting him to be so close. 

He leans away slightly. “Yes, it came in today. I was thinking of giving it to—”

“Me!” Dazai volunteers.

Kunikida scoffs. “You’ve got work to do in the office. No.”

“Come on, I wanna take a case. It’s been so long since I’ve had one,” Dazai whines. He sits himself on Kunikida’s desk, knocking over a stack of books. Kunikida watches it tumble with a deep sigh. 

“I said no, Dazai.”

“Is it because of my leg?” he asks. There’s a sour look on his face. Kunikida is probably falling into a trap, but he sees a flicker of insecurity in Dazai’s eyes and he feels his resolve crumble. 

“I’m just worried,” he mumbles. You told me it’s hurting, he tries to say wordlessly. Dazai wouldn’t appreciate him voicing it out in front of everyone, he knows that. 

Dazai’s eyes soften as he receives the message. They’re partners, after all, of course he’d understand. “I’ll be fine, Kunikida-kun! You should stop being such a worrywart; you’ll get grey hairs by the time you’re twenty-five!”

Kunikida hides a smile behind his screen. Still, he doesn’t want to risk Dazai going alone. If he were to run into the wrong people, he wouldn’t be able to fight well. “I’ll be done with my things before lunch. Let’s go after that.”

“You’re coming too?” Dazai asks, brown eyes wide and sparkling. 

“Yes. Now get some work done or so help me.”

Dazai listens, surprisingly enough, gently pushing himself off the desk to go to his own. 

Well, he writes two sentences before getting distracted by whatever Atsushi’s doing. But Kunikida lets it be. 

The mission occurs somewhere in the city. Kunikida drives them there, ignoring the slight shivers of his fingers when he curls them around the steering wheel. It’s too early for his hands to hurt. 

Once Dazai is settled in the passenger seat, his cane at the back of the car, he sets off.

Dazai reads the mission brief on the way there. A typical murder case, nothing the Agency hasn't dealt with a hundred times before. 

They arrive at the scene. Barricades have already been set up and some familiar military personnel are roaming around. Kunikida waits for Dazai to grab his things, then they walk up to the main investigator and flash their badges. 

Kunikida will admit, Dazai is incredible on the field. Maybe not as skillful as Ranpo, nor is he as peaceful as Kenji, but he’s adept and spots details Kunikida would have otherwise missed. Watching him work is addicting. 

They confront the culprit—just the shopkeeper down the street. This is where Kunikida’s skill set comes into play, pinning down the murderer with a few moves and handing him in to the police. 

But even without direct interaction with the culprit, Dazai remains in control of the situation. He instructs Kunikida on what to do, calm and collected, and it’s only under his guidance that Kunikida is able to do his job. 

And that’s why, despite all the grievances Kunikida must put up with, he still introduces himself and Dazai as partners.

When the case closes, the sun has already begun setting. Kunikida and Dazai head back to the car in mutual silence, ready for a relaxing drive home. 

Except, when Kunikida tries to open the door, his hand twitches in pain, missing the handle by just an inch. 

He hisses, grabbing his wrist with his other hand. He must’ve hurt himself earlier when confronting the criminal. Or his wrists just decided to flare up in pain at the worst moment—

“Kunikida-kun?” Dazai calls. He looks up, seeing Dazai standing on the other side, the door opened halfway. 

Kunikida shrugs. “It’s nothing. Sorry.”

“Hm.”

He tries again, successfully opening the door this time. As he gets in the car, he can feel Dazai’s eyes on him like a hawk, watching his every move. 

He knows he can’t hide the truth from him, but he needs to drive them home. It would take way too long for someone else to come pick them up, plus Kunikida doesn’t enjoy trusting someone else with his car. It’s only about an hour drive. He can do it. 

Before his hands reach the steering wheel, Dazai reaches out, blocking him. Kunikida frowns, a scolding on the tip of his tongue, but it dies when he sees Dazai’s expression.

“Dazai—” he protests, but Dazai interrupts him with an over dramatic gasp. 

“Kunikida-kun,” he pouts, throwing a hand over his face and putting on a pained expression. “I don’t want to go home! I’m so hungry I could just die here in your car. I think we should get dinner first and leave the driving for later. Your treat, of course.”

Kunikida stares at him, unsure whether to laugh or cry. “You’re so full of shit,” is what he settles on, but there’s something warm and bubbly rising up his throat. 

Dazai ignores him, throwing the car door back open. And he doesn’t grab his cane, so Kunikida has to do it for him, rushing after to force it into his hands. 

There’s no mall nearby, but there is a night market that has just opened. They decide to check it out, joining the streets and looking at the different food stalls. 

When they come across a seafood stall, Dazai’s eyes light up. A wide smile grows on his face. It’s such a rare sight that Kunikida stops in his tracks, forgetting where he is for a moment until somebody bumps into him. 

Dazai orders for them, getting numerous sticks of takoyaki, squid, seasoned octopus, and of course crab sticks. He holds them all while Kunikida pays.

“Here,” Dazai says, offering a stick of takoyaki to Kunikida. 

Kunikida reaches up to take it, but Dazai pulls away. “Nuh-uh! I want to try it too. Just eat it straight.”

With a sigh, Kunikida tucks his hair behind his ears and bends down. He’ll admit, though, that it’s delicious, and he isn’t even bothered by Dazai insisting to feed him. 

It’s sweet, in Dazai’s own odd way. 

They continue strolling through the market together, with Dazai offering him food every now and then. Kunikida gets them a box of red bean buns to eat later in the car when it’s not too hot. It comes with a plastic packaging, thankfully, so he tucks it safely in his bag. 

As they reach the end of the street, there’s a few games set up, mostly crowded by families. Kunikida knows they’re a scam, so he doesn’t intend to play, but then Dazai is tugging on his arm and pointing excitedly. 

“I want to play that one! Chuuya and I were so good at it when we were younger—we destroyed every round. Come on!”

Kunikida looks in the direction he’s pointing. It’s the game where you throw ping pong balls at a stack of cans and knock them all down.

He tilts his head. “Are you sure Chuuya didn’t just cheat with their ability..?”

“What?” Dazai brings an offended hand to his chest. “You’re so accusatory, Kunikida-kun. We would never cheat!”

Kunikida hopes his face spells out his disbelief. 

With a grin, Dazai walks up to the game stall and chats with the owner for a bit. He receives three ping pong balls shortly after and he waves them at Kunikida, who approaches them with a sigh. 

“This one’s for you,” Dazai says with an exaggerated wink. Kunikida folds his arms and waits. 

Dazai pulls his arm back, making a show of aiming the ball and squinting. With a quick flick of his wrist, he throws the ball. 

It misses every single can. 

Kunikida bursts out laughing, unable to help himself. He slaps his hand over his mouth but the giggles continue escaping as Dazai turns to him with a pout. 

“Don’t laugh! I’m just a little rusty!” he whines. 

He throws the second ball and it knocks down a few cans on the right. Kunikida shakes his head, watching with a fond smile as Dazai sticks his tongue out, aiming for the last shot. 

He ends up knocking down six of the ten cans. He receives a small teddy bear keychain as his prize, just about the size of his palm. It has a red ribbon around its neck. 

“Huh,” Dazai says, forcing it into Kunikida’s hands. “Looks like you.”

Kunikida looks down at the bear, his heart doing an odd flutter when it stares back up at him. Its fur is a warm shade of honey brown. 

He holds it up next to Dazai’s cheek, whose eyes widen in surprise. They reflect the soft lights of the market, making them seem brighter than usual. 

“It matches your eyes,” Kunikida observes. 

Dazai sucks in a sharp breath and suddenly doubles over coughing. 

“Are you okay?” Kunikida gasps, placing a hand on his shoulder. Dazai waves his free hand at him, straightening up. 

“Perfectly okay! We should head back now, Kunikida-kun! It’ll be past your bedtime soon.”

“I do not have a bedtime,” Kunikida grumbles. Still, he keeps the bear in his bag and nods at the game stall owner in thanks, and together with Dazai, they begin making their way back. 

They reach Kunikida’s car when it begins drizzling. Kunikida grimaces, hurrying into the vehicle. 

“Rainy season, huh,” he sighs. Rain begins sliding down the car windows and he follows a droplet with his eyes. 

Dazai gets in the passenger seat a little later. “You want to drive now? The roads are going to get really crowded soon.”

Kunikida glances at his hands. They’ve stopped shaking by now, but he still doesn’t enjoy driving when the roads are wet and crowded. It makes his heart rate spike up with anxiety. Plus, with someone else in the car, he really doesn’t want to risk crashing. 

Dazai notices his internal debate and gestures to his bag. “You bought buns, right?”

“Oh.” Kunikida digs into his bag and takes out the food. He reaches for one of the two buns, passing it to Dazai. “Here.”

Dazai peels off the paper, then splits the bun into half. It’s still hot on the inside. He takes a bite out of one of the halves, humming in approval. 

Kunikida doesn’t realise he’s stilled, transfixed from watching Dazai eat, until his partner gives him an odd look. “Aren’t you going to eat yours?”

Kunikida blinks, making an ‘ah’ sound when he processes his words. He follows after Dazai, tearing the bun and taking a bite. 

They eat in silence, with nothing but the sound of rain against the car keeping them company. 

Kunikida walks Dazai to his dorm, more of a courtesy gesture than anything. When Dazai opens the door, he turns around like he has something to say, but thinks better of it and shakes his head. 

“Bye,” he mutters.

“Wait,” Kunikida blurts. Dazai raises an eyebrow and he pauses, realising that he didn’t think this far. “I… I’ll call you tomorrow?”

Dazai’s gaze softens. “I’ll start assuming Kunikida-kun has died if he doesn’t.”

Out of all the responses Dazai has ever given him— you’re so annoying, I’m fine, don’t be such a worrywart— this one feels the most like acceptance.

Nothing changed, yet it feels like something in the air has shifted ever since Dazai returned from Meursault. And Kunikida is only picking up on it now. 

He stares at Dazai for a tad bit too long, taking in his carefree, unguarded expression. He looks, well, maybe happy isn’t the right word, but…

There’s something like serenity in his eyes when he looks up at Kunikida. Kunikida feels awestruck. 

There’s a sort of stillness in the air that Kunikida doesn’t dare break. He wishes to stay in this moment forever. 

Is this..?

“Goodnight, Kunikida-kun,” Dazai whispers. 

He supposes it is not the time to address that yet. 

“Y-yeah. Goodnight.”

Still, he feels the weight of something pounding at his chest, begging to be set free. 

Dazai shuts the door and Kunikida remains standing there for who knows how long, haunted by the wave of emotion that crashes over him. 

When Kunikida packs his bag for work the next morning, his hand comes into contact with the teddy bear from last night. 

He pulls it out, smoothing down the fur that’s poking out haphazardly, staring at it for a bit. 

When he holds the bear like this, he can imagine clear as day Dazai’s tiny grin, a rare but not unwelcome sight. He might deny it, but Kunikida thinks that there was a moment of genuine life there. 

Not that Kunikida believes Dazai to be anything less than that. He may struggle with it, but Dazai is still so utterly alive. Kunikida clings onto that as much as he can. 

If Dazai were to ever let go, Kunikida will make sure he holds on. 

Which reminds him. He grabs his phone and dials Dazai’s number—already saved, but he still has all eight digits memorised. 

Dazai picks up after the second call and Kunikida pretends he wasn’t holding his breath. “Hey. Did you sleep well?”

Dazai groans something unintelligible. A typical response. 

“I’m heading out with Kenji soon. Would you like to join us? We’re stopping by that bakery to get some breakfast before heading to the office.”

Dazai groans louder. 

“By the way, I’ll come over to return the teddy back. The one you won yesterday.”

“What are you talking about?” Dazai asks. His voice is still thick with sleep, but at least he’s speaking coherently. It means he isn’t hungover. “It’s for you.”

“…Eh?”

“Are you deaf, Kunikida-kun? I said it’s for you.”

“Oh. Okay. Anyway, we’re leaving in twenty minutes. I’ll let you mull it over.” Kunikida hangs up once Dazai makes a noise of acknowledgement, setting his phone down on the table. 

Kenji walks out of the bedroom just at that moment. He clicks his tongue a few times before asking, “Is Dazai-san coming?”

“We’ll see if he’s up for it. Could you put this in the bedroom for me?” He holds up the teddy, wiggling it a little. 

“Ooh! It has a ribbon like you!” Kenji giggles as he takes it. 

As Kenji does that, Kunikida puts his hair up and does a quick tidy up of the dorm. He returns some books to their respective places on his bookshelf, puts away a few dishes, and as he’s fluffing up the pillows on his couch, Kenji pops back out. 

“I have a question,” he says. Kunikida nods at him. “Why don’t you and Dazai-san move in together?”

“Because— wait, what?”

Kenji’s fingers curl inwards, nails digging into his palms harshly. It’s a recently developed tic that he noticed. 

He wordlessly grabs a stress ball from his bag and passes it over as Kenji continues speaking. “You call Dazai-san every day and night to check up on him. Wouldn’t it be easier to just live together?”

“But… I suppose I never thought about that. I couldn’t have you live by yourself, though. You’re still young.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about me!” Kenji beams. 

“I— okay, we’ll circle back to that later.” Kunikida shakes his head with a sigh. He swears that kid is hyper independent sometimes. “I couldn’t do that. Dazai wouldn’t want me intruding on his privacy like that. Besides, living with him would drive me crazy.”

Kenji taps a finger to his chin. “Maybe… I think it’d be nice, though. Dazai-san seems quite lonely.”

“…What?”

“Oh, it’s just a random feeling I had!” Kenji laughs. “He told me about your sleepover last Friday when I was with Tetchou-san! It sounded like fun.”

Fun isn’t the word Kunikida would use. They barely did anything, actually. What an odd word choice, especially from Dazai.

“What else did he say?”

“Dazai-san said you were being ‘all mother hen and annoying’,” Kenji quotes, pitching his voice higher to match Dazai’s tone. Kunikida resists the urge to roll his eyes. “But he also said running around in the rain with you was exciting! He said it’s funny seeing you frazzled and messy and—”

“I get it,” Kunikida grumbles. Typical Dazai. 

Still, his chest feels warm with the knowledge that Dazai enjoyed it overall and wasn’t just putting up with it to satiate Kunikida. It’s hard to tell if he genuinely wants to do something or not sometimes. If he told Kenji about it, though, then he probably wanted Kunikida to know too, however indirect it may be. 

A smile pulls at his lips. 

Kenji smiles too. “I think he’d like to do it again.”

“Hm. Maybe.”

Kunikida gets up then, glancing at his watch. “Alright, time to go. Let’s go pick that bastard up.”

Kenji giggles. “Okay!”

“I want that one!”

“Good taste, Kenji-kun! Kunikida-kun, we want that one.”

“Asshole. You could afford to pay for once.”

“I’m paying with my dashing good looks and award-winning smile.”

“That explains the tab you’ve racked up at the café.”

“Hey!”

Kunikida smirks to himself as he pays for what Dazai and Kenji picked out. They got a box of a dozen donuts to share with the Agency, plus a slice of apple pie for Kenji. Once the cashier bags everything, Dazai snatches the food with a cheeky grin. 

They leave the bakery together and begin the walk to the office. Kenji and Dazai walk a little bit ahead while Kunikida follows behind.

They’re a pretty funny duo, he thinks. Dazai exaggerates his actions even more when he’s with Kenji, who simply goes along with it. For how closed off Dazai is, it must be a different experience hanging out with someone as genuine and open as Kenji.

It’s not a bad thing, though. Kunikida glances at Dazai’s cane. Dazai had refused to use it for a long time, always ‘forgetting’ it at home. That is, until Kenji offered his sticker collection to decorate it with.

Dazai had put up with it because nobody is capable of saying no to Kenji, but Kunikida thinks that as time progressed, he had grown fond of it. 

At that moment, Dazai turns back. “Oi, Kunikida-kun! Walk any slower and you’ll be late!”

His eyes are sparkling. Kenji glances between the two of them before beaming. Kunikida would decipher what that means, but when he looks at his watch, he realises that Dazai is right. 

He jogs up to them. Dazai knocks his shins with his cane and Kunikida bites back a curse. 

As they continue to walk, Kunikida takes the bag of food from Dazai. Dazai sends him a smile before resuming his conversation with Kenji. Kunikida’s heartbeat quickens. 

That’s weird. Is he falling ill?

“—so Kunikida-kun, under my perfect instructions, of course, went hah!” Dazai punches thin air before hooking his arm with Kunikida’s. “Arrested! Bam! The mission is done!”

“Wow! How did you know he was the culprit, Dazai-san?”

Kunikida doesn’t keep up with the conversation anymore. He’s too focused on the feeling of Dazai holding on to him, along with the genuine elation he is radiating as he continues his dramatised storytelling. 

He’s beautiful.

The thought should come as a shock, but instead, Kunikida just feels resigned. 

This isn’t the first time he’s felt this weird twist in his heart when he looks at Dazai. 

It was there when they reunited, when Dazai was piled on by the rest of the Agency in a huge group hug, and he laughed so hard he collapsed. It was there when Dazai walked out of his bathroom in Kunikida’s clothes, looking cosy and at peace. It was there when he absentmindedly fed him as they walked through the market together, the twinkling lights reflected in softer eyes. 

Thinking back, Kunikida really should’ve noticed sooner. 

Fuck.

Falling in love has always been a faraway concept for someone like Kunikida. 

He thinks love should all be about finding the perfect match, developing a stable foundation built on mutual trust and care. He understands it may be unrealistic, which is why he has it written down for the upcoming years rather than right now.

It’s not that he doesn’t wish to settle down with someone and live a peaceful life together. It’s just never been his focus, as much as it is part of his ideals. But Kunikida is young, and with his current job, he has no interest in pursuing romance for the foreseeable future. 

Yet, Dazai waltzes in with an annoying grin and mischievous eyes, throwing Kunikida’s ideals to the wind. 

He has always enjoyed messing with Kunikida’s ideals anyway. Who cares, right?

Wrong. Kunikida is currently going through a (scheduled, mind you) crisis during his lunch break. 

Lucy sets down the bowl of curry rice he ordered, giving him a judgemental look. “What’s got your panties in a twist?”

“Don’t say that ever again,” Kunikida grumbles before answering, “…Dazai.”

“Oh, ew. Of course.”

She slides into the seat opposite him. It’s not like anyone cares if she takes a random break to hang out with one of the Agency members anyway. After everything, it’s kind of her God given right. 

Anyway, Lucy gestures for him to start eating as she muses to herself. “Kyouka told me you two went on a mission for the first time after the whole… incident, the other day. Is that what’s wrong?”

“No.” Kunikida stabs the rice with his spoon. The metal scratches against plastic, creating a screech that has him wincing. Honestly, that’s what his brain feels like too. “I’m just… overwhelmed. It’s been happening for a while now.”

He keeps it vague because he isn’t about to admit that he has a crush on fucking Dazai. He’d lose so much dignity. 

Lucy tilts her head curiously. “Have you talked to anyone about it?”

He shakes his head. Then he thinks about it. “I guess I’m talking to you.”

“Eh? I’m the first?” She grins, pumping a fist in the air. “Yes! A win for the girls!”

Despite his jumbled heart, Kunikida manages a chuckle. The entrance bell rings, signalling a customer. Kunikida and Lucy look up simultaneously and his heart drops when he sees who it is.

Dazai and Ranpo walk into the café together. Ranpo’s hands are moving animatedly as they recount their latest mission while Dazai listens attentively. They both stop in their tracks when they see them, and with matching grins, saunter up to their booth. 

Lucy rolls her eyes but she still scoots in for Ranpo to sit down. Kunikida remains stationary until Dazai whines and pushes him in, inviting himself next to him. 

“Lucy-chan! Skipping work again?” Dazai teases. 

She makes a big show of looking around the café, pretending to check for wandering eyes, before she turns back and gives Dazai a middle finger. 

This is their odd version of communication. Kunikida has given up on understanding it a long time ago. 

Dazai whimpers like he’s been shot, throwing an arm over his forehead. Kunikida doesn’t think much of it until Dazai leans into his side, grabbing his arm and making his heart stop. “Kunikida-kun, save me! Lucy-chan is so brutal, I’m going to die!”

Kunikida hesitates for too long, his brain faltering when Dazai looks up at him with pitiful eyes. It’s all an act, but at that moment, he actually looks cute. “Good for you, isn’t it?”

“Oh! You wound me! Ranpo-san!”

Ranpo doesn’t even bother with a reply. As Lucy giggles away, Ranpo’s face turns ever so slightly to Kunikida’s direction. They don’t open their eyes, but Kunikida notices an all-knowing smirk pulling at their lips and he knows he’s been discovered. 

He’d be more averse to this if he wasn’t used to Ranpo’s habits by now. 

“Oh,” Lucy whispers. “Oh… ew.”

Kunikida flinches. He didn’t think she would realise it too. 

“Me? Did you just say ew to me?” Dazai gasps. This time, Kunikida is slightly more prepared for Dazai to grab his shoulders, shaking him back and forth. “Kunikida-kun! I’m being bullied by a teenager!”

Kunikida reaches up in an attempt to tug Dazai’s hands off his shoulders, but he ends up failing, simply resting his hand on Dazai’s wrist instead. “You set yourself up with these.”

“I do not.” Dazai pouts. Kunikida pretends his eyes didn’t flicker to his lips. 

“Ew,” Ranpo joins Lucy. Kunikida gives him a furious glare. 

They continue messing around while Kunikida eats his food. Dazai steals a few spoonfuls of rice and curry, and Kunikida lets him because at least he’s eating something. Ranpo orders an extra large strawberry milkshake that he generously shares with Lucy. Apparently they’ve formed a pact.

When they’re done, they bid her goodbye, heading back up to the Agency together. Dazai tries to trip Ranpo with his cane three times before Ranpo threatens to break it. Kunikida rolls his eyes, but his shoulder continues brushing against Dazai’s with every step. 

He’s never noticed how physically close they always were. Or maybe this is a new development. 

Perhaps this is another crisis to think about. 

Back at the office, Kunikida and Dazai return to their desks. Just then, Kenji packs his things and leaves to go meet Tetchou, waving at Kunikida.

Kunikida bids him a safe journey. Once Kenji has left the office, Dazai leans over, his torso stretching across the entire span of the desk. “Psst. Kunikida-kun.”

“What?”

“Kenji-kun is going to that Hunting Dog again.”

“Yes.”

“And I have physical therapy tonight.”

“I… recall, yes.”

“You should drive me there!”

Kunikida pauses, processing the request. Dazai doesn’t outrightly ask for things like this. Something’s in the air. 

“Do you just not want to pay for a cab?”

“… Noooo—”

Kunikida cuts him off with a roll of his eyes. “Fine. What time do we need to leave?”

“Eh, I dunno. In about two hours.”

Kunikida grimaces. Can he finish his work in such a short amount of time?

But… well. This is a good opportunity for him to make sure Dazai gets to therapy and back home safely. He’s familiar with the route, plus he can probably do some work on his laptop at a nearby café while he waits. And Dazai will be happy. 

It sounds like a win in all directions. The only loss is Kunikida’s dignity as he confronts how Dazai might have him wrapped around his pinky. 

“Okay,” he concedes. Dazai beams. 

From Ranpo’s desk, Yosano—who was looking over Ranpo’s shoulder to see the game they’re playing—coughs, sounding extremely pointed. Kunikida pretends not to hear it. 

Two hours pass and Kunikida finishes packing his things. He hits Dazai’s head lightly to wake him up from his nap before waving goodbye to the rest of the members. 

They take the elevator down to the parking lot where Kunikida’s car resides. It’s a simple action, but Kunikida’s stomach begins churning from nerves. 

It’s been quite a while since they’ve done this. 

Back when Dazai actively needed someone to make sure he goes to therapy, Kunikida was too swamped with work to be the one. It was usually Atsushi or Tanizaki who would accompany him. 

Though Kunikida tries to fetch him home here and there after work, it’s not a frequent occurrence. And he’s never driven Dazai to therapy before. 

They get into the car together and Kunikida begins driving. It only takes about five minutes for him to realise that something’s wrong. 

Dazai is acting differently on this ride. Kunikida wonders if he’s nervous or uncomfortable. 

He isn’t playing any music, for one. And he’s chosen to sit at the back, a white-knuckle grip on his cane. His non-injured leg is bouncing up and down. It drives Kunikida a bit crazy, but more than that, he’s worried. 

He wonders if this is regular behaviour for Dazai when he heads to therapy, or if it’s just today. Either way, Kunikida wants to help. 

He tries to think up something that’ll bring about a sense of normalcy. When he glances at Dazai through the rearview mirror, he sees him staring out the window with an empty gaze, like he’s seeing something Kunikida isn’t.

He’ll have to bring Dazai back. 

“Hey,” Kunikida says, stopping at a red light. Perfect timing. “You end at six, right?”

Dazai doesn’t respond. Kunikida reaches back, tapping his knee, and that’s when he jerks back into the present. 

“What?”

“Would you like to come over for dinner?”

Kunikida’s heart hammers in his throat when he asks. Dazai blinks, searching his eyes for something he’s not sure about. After a while, he sighs, leaning back on the seat. 

“I suppose I could, since you’re driving me back. I’ll do it just for you.”

He’s a liar. Kunikida sees right through it. 

He lets it be, taking the final turn and stopping the car. Dazai begins moving, but he pauses when Kunikida opens his door too. 

“…What are you doing?”

Kunikida frowns. “Walking you there, obviously.”

“You can’t park here.”

“Eh, it’ll be quick. Come on.”

When Kunikida opens Dazai’s door for him, holding out his hand, he’s surprised to see a pale pink blush on his cheeks. Dazai resolutely avoids eye contact as he takes the offered hand. 

It’s only when he steps out and Kunikida doesn’t remember to let go when he senses that same stillness in the air again. 

He’s not ready, Kunikida thinks as Dazai pulls on ahead, leading the way. He mustn't push Dazai to talk about something he fears, or he might grow even more distant. 

But when he looks down at their intertwined fingers, he wonders if he’s reading the situation right. There’s a lump stuck in his throat at the mere thought of addressing anything right now. 

Maybe Kunikida is the one who isn’t ready. 

“Pass me the mayo.”

“‘Kay.”

“Put this in the sink. Can I get two bowls?”

“Mhm.”

“Thank you.” Kunikida finishes up the rice bowls, holding them up to show Dazai. Dazai licks the excess mayo off his thumb as he peers into the bowls, eyes shining. 

“We made that?” he asks. 

Kunikida frowns. “I made it. But you helped, I suppose.”

His partner grins. “I did? Aww!”

“Wh— never mind. Let’s go eat.”

He brings the bowls of rice to the table, Dazai trailing after him. When they sit down, Dazai mutters a quick thanks before digging straight in. 

Kunikida wonders what’s so different about this meal that has him so enthusiastic. Maybe therapy made him really hungry. Or maybe it’s because they made the food together. 

He banishes away that thought. 

After dinner, Dazai heads to the bathroom. Kunikida had set up a bench since the last sleepover in case it happened again, so that Dazai could sit while showering. It’s especially important if he just came back from therapy and needs to rest. He doesn’t mention it, but when Dazai walks out of the bathroom in Kunikida’s clothes and with a quiet smile, Kunikida knows the thought has been appreciated. 

Dazai looks awfully nice in Kunikida’s clothes. He’s not going to say that out loud, but when Dazai catches his eyes, Kunikida has a feeling he might already know. 

Well. He shouldn’t think about that. He might end up feeling sick.

Kunikida showers with extra hot water, hoping to burn away his stuttering heart and ever growing feelings, but to no avail. It feels as if recognising his feelings opened up floodgates, tsunami-like waves of it washing over him until he’s almost drowning in them. 

It’s an inescapable reality. Kunikida wants to die.

He leaves the bathroom a little more miserable than before, wondering who cursed him in a past life to make him endure this crisis. Then he wonders who blessed him in his past life, such that he gets to see Dazai lounging on his bed, laying on his stomach with fluffy hair and an exposed collarbone.

Kunikida’s throat goes dry, but he ignores it and joins Dazai on his own bed. Dazai is using his phone and playing flappy bird. He’s at a ridiculously high score of 132. 

Kunikida leans in closer, trying to get a better look. Dazai’s thumb twitches as he misses a beat. The bird dies, the screen blinking a sad 135.

“Dang,” he mutters. 

“You’re good at that game.”

“Nah. Naomi-chan’s high score is 184. I was trying to beat that.”

“Ah.”

Dazai tosses the phone to the side, looking back at Kunikida. They are way too close. 

“Hi,” Dazai mumbles, uncaring about the distance. Normally, he’d have backed away by now, probably with the addition of a stupid joke to poorly cover up his embarrassment. 

“Hello.” And normally, Kunikida would have pulled away in fear of crossing a very clear boundary, potentially ruining his partnership with Dazai forever. 

Neither of them move. How curious. 

The sky is dark and the curtains are closed and though the lights are on, Kunikida still feels enclosed in a bubble, like a void that encases just him and Dazai alone. Maybe that’s scary, but Kunikida finds a sort of comfort in that darkness, one that reflects the vastness of Dazai’s eyes. 

“…Kunikida-kun should stop making that face,” Dazai whispers. 

He knows. 

“What face?”

“That one. When you're thinking really hard about something because you’re ignoring what you already acknowledged.”

A quiet hum. “That’s not true.”

He knows, he knows, he knows. 

“Hm,” Dazai hums back. “Kunikida-kun should stop looking at me like that too.”

“Like what?” he dares to ask. 

“Like…” Dazai breathes. He fails to finish his sentence, for he turns away with a shuddering breath, and Kunikida mourns the loss. 

Still, something about Dazai is different. He’s actively prodding at Kunikida, pointing out things he’d usually be uncomfortable with otherwise. 

Maybe they’re ready after all.

“I’m proud of you, you know,” Kunikida mumbles. Dazai’s eyes snap back towards him, wide and hesitant. “I didn’t get a chance to say it when you came back. But I am.”

“Why are you being sappy?” Dazai laughs shakily. He sounds like he wants to run. 

Well, Kunikida won’t let him. He places his hand over Dazai’s, holding it gently enough that he can escape if he really wants to. Dazai’s lips press together in a thin line but he doesn’t move. 

“You were astounding. Even when you’re across the world, you managed to figure out a plan and save all of us. And I know it hasn’t been easy for you, but you continue to fight alongside us every day.”

They aren’t new thoughts, but Kunikida is shocking himself by voicing them out for the first time. And judging by Dazai’s expression, he’s just as stunned as him. 

Kunikida takes a deep breath. Dazai’s grip is steadily tightening on his sheets but he seems to be fighting against instinct. “I’m glad you’re still here, Dazai. You’re the best partner I could’ve ever asked for.”

His partner finally turns away, burying his reddening face in the pillow. “Shut up,” he says, his voice slightly muffled. 

Kunikida thinks his own face is about to melt off as well. “…Too much?”

“A little bit, yeah. You sound like you’re in love with me or something.”

Dazai spits out the word love like it’s poisonous. Kunikida’s heart twists painfully in response. 

“Would that be so bad?” he asks. 

Dazai lets out a weary sigh. “Don’t do that. You don’t want this. Not with me.”

He sounds so certain, like this is an undeniable truth, like it’s a universal law. 

The weight in Kunikida’s chest is unbearable by now. He wants to rip his heart out and place it in Dazai’s hands—let him feel the enormity of his desire, to understand that those are the only hands Kunikida is willing to accept. 

He’s always chased after exactly what he wanted, anyway, lawful or not. This is no different. 

“I want it,” he whispers. “I know what I want. You don’t get to decide that for me.”

For the first time since Kunikida has known him, Dazai looks like he’s about to cry. 

He doesn’t though. Instead, he sucks in a breath through his gritted teeth, turning around so his body directly faces Kunikida. He reaches out, grasping the front of his shirt, and Kunikida drinks in the sight of acceptance. 

“If you’re so sure, Kunikida-kun,” Dazai jokes with a weak grin, “I suppose I can’t deny you.”

There’s a brief second where they make eye contact. A question in Dazai’s eyes. A resounding yes in Kunikida’s own. Dazai pulls and Kunikida follows, helpless.

When their lips meet in the middle, he thinks his heart might explode. 

He hopes he doesn’t come off as too desperate, but Kunikida is going to lose his mind if he lets go now. He wraps his arms around Dazai’s waist, pulling him closer.

He tilts his head and their lips meld together perfectly. Kunikida brings a hand up to Dazai’s hair, tucking a loose wave behind his ears before resting his fingers on his chin. Dazai’s own hands grip his shirt tighter, as if afraid to ever let go. 

Dazai kisses with hesitancy, like he isn’t sure this is even real, like he’s asking, how could you love me?  

Kunikida hopes his kisses answer, how could I not?

When they finally pull apart, Dazai is looking up at him with flushed cheeks and blown-out eyes. He sounds breathless when he says, “Damn. You really love me, Kunikida-kun.”

It’s probably meant as a joke, for Dazai isn’t one to speak about such things without hiding behind walls of irony, but Kunikida detects the hint of genuine uncertainty in his words. So he rolls his eyes and laces their fingers together, placing a kiss to his knuckles. “Of course I love you, idiot.”

Kunikida doesn’t expect him to say it back. He knows Dazai struggles with words. But when Dazai brings him in for another kiss, Kunikida thinks he hears the I love you too anyway.

Nothing much changes in the next few months, at least not to a regular outsider’s point of view. Unless you knew them beforehand, you wouldn’t notice the difference. 

They’ve always been like this anyway. 

But when Ranpo walks into the office one day, they observe Dazai’s eyes lingering on Kunikida, as if he was the sun, as if he was Dazai’s source of light. And the fact that he’s doing it so openly lets Ranpo know that something’s changed. 

Atsushi sees Kunikida rest his hand on Dazai’s right before he scolds him for not doing his reports, and how Dazai doesn’t flinch away from the sudden touch.  

Yosano walks by their desks and catches sight of Kunikida’s signature red ribbon tied around Dazai’s wrist, right above his bandages, poorly hidden by his sleeves. 

Kenji overhears Kunikida whisper an I love you during one of his phone calls, and he doesn’t need to guess to know who the person on the other side is. 

Tanizaki sits beside them during a meeting and sees Dazai massaging Kunikida’s hand under the table as he speaks, keeping him calm and steady. 

Kyouka is packing up her things when she spots a wonky red heart drawn on Kunikida’s locker, with a small letter D in the middle. Who drew it is a mystery, but she knows who it stands for. 

Naomi and Lucy roll their eyes in sync when the couple come down to the café together, watching as Kunikida lets Dazai steal his food with a fond, open smile.

Fukuzawa hears it first from Ranpo, but when he watches the two of them enter the office with their hands linked together, he doesn’t need any further proof. 

And of course, Kunikida continues inviting Dazai over every Friday or driving him to therapy as often as he can. And Dazai continues prodding Kunikida into taking breaks or holding him when he trembles too hard. 

They still call each other partners, of course, but it holds a different meaning this time. 

I love you isn’t said with simple words. Not when it’s them.