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Grian didn't really remember when his mother died, he was only 2 after all, but he did know it was that stupid little canary's fault. The sibling he wished he never had. Jimmy. It's all his fault their parents were dead and he loathed him for it. Martyn (Grian's eldest brother) had always told him not to be so mean to the kid as it technically wasn't his fault, but that didn't compute in his 13 year old brain. Ever since he found out how his mother died he hated that stupid child. As far as Grian was concerned, Jimmy Solidarity, was a waste of space. The boy glared at the small child from across the table, watching as the blonde shrunk in his seat. Grian's focus was broken as Martyn put a plate of food down in front of him.
"You can glare at him all you want later but for now you need to eat," He said with a warm smile, attempting to calm the simmering macaw.
Grian shifted his glare to Martyn who shivered and went to plate food for Pearl and Jimmy. Martyn was 18 and had been taking care of them ever since their father committed suicide a few years back. CPS had been trying to get hold of the kids and put them in the foster system for those same few years but Martyn kept them moving so they couldn't be taken. He'd explained this to his siblings upon being asked why they kept moving so much, most nights Martyn didn't eat which was something only Grian seemed to observe. He had noticed this when shopping with his older brother and noting that the parakeet only bought enough food for the kids. Which added to the already miles long list of reasons Grian hated Jimmy. If Jimmy hadn't been born none of this would have happened. Stupid bird. After dinner, Grian was washing dishes (since it was his turn) and suddenly he heard a crash. The macaw jumped and whipped around to find Jimmy had knocked over a cup and it shattered on the floor.
Grian rolled his eyes, "Can't you do anything right, Timmy?" He asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the canary.
Jimmy stared at his brother with wide eyes, "I-I'm sorry Grian... I didn't mean t-" Grian cut him off, drying his hands.
"Pick up that dish, don't stand there being more useless than usual!" He huffed, wings fluffing in annoyance.
Jimmy nodded and dropped to his knees to clean the glass up while Grian turned back to the sink to calm down. But of course, that clumsy bird did something else. There was a hiss of pain and Grian looked over his shoulder to see the 11-year-old had cut himself on the glass.
"Dang it-" Jimmy muttered, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes as his hand bled.
"What is wrong with you? Don't you know how to pick things up? Are you brain dead?" Grian said.
Martyn rounded the corner and saw Jimmy bleeding, dropping down beside him, "Hey bud, what happened? Are you okay?" He asked, gently taking the boy's hand.
Grian fought the urge to roll his eyes again, "He knocked a cup off the table and then cut himself on the glass like an idiot," He said with a smirk.
Martyn gave Grian a disapproving look and quickly ushered the canary to the bathroom, "Pick up the glass please, Grian." He called over his shoulder.
"What?! But I-" Grian stopped talking when it was clear that Martyn wasn't listening, he sighed and dropped to the floor to clean up the glass grumbling to himself as he did.
Jimmy was the golden child, he could do no wrong. But he killed their mum. He had done wrong. At least in Grian's eyes.
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Eventually, they were caught and all separated. Since Martyn was now 21, CPS just left him on his own. Pearl ended up living with a family of royals, Jimmy went to live with their cousin Lizzie who was the same age as Martyn, and Grian was shoved off to Japan. Grian's hate for his younger brother never faded, even halfway across the world from the leech.
"How's Japan?!" The canary asked excitedly (the small family was having one of their monthly video calls), "Being in a fancy Japanese school seems fun! I wish I was as smart as you! I think I would struggle abroad..." He muttered the last part and Grian ignored it, he was well aware of how Jimmy self deprecated for attention.
"It's okay," Grian replied, hating that he had to acknowledge the bird's existence for more than 3 seconds, "I'm sure my twin is having the time of her life though!" He changed the subject as quickly as possible.
Grian avoided his family like the plague and would rather not talk to them. Pearl launched into a rant about her week as Grian turned his camera off, muted his mic, and turned down the volume.
Taurtis (who was sitting beside his boyfriend on the couch) gave Grian a confused look, "I would kill to talk to my siblings right now, why do you ignore them?"
The macaw rolled his eyes and threw his phone on the table, slipping into Taurtis' lap (much to the expectation of the other teen). Taurtis put his hands on Grian's waist, pulling him close.
"Because they're annoying and I despise Jimmy wholeheartedly," Grian said with an innocent smile, inching closer.
"You're going to eat your words one of these days, Gri," Taurtis replied, offering a soft smile, "You'll learn to love them, and by the time that happens it will be too late and they'll be gone," He said gently.
Grian scoffed, "Wishful thinking has always been your thing, hasn't it?" He teased.
"It's not wishful, I just want you to appreciate what you have, because I don't like seeing you upset babe," The ravenette replied.
"That's hot," Grian commented, Taurtis laughed.
"Is it?
"Very."
The blonde leaned in and pressed his lips against his boyfriends, giggling as he was pushed onto his back and stripped of his sweater. His siblings completely forgotten.
Taurtis was right. Grian would eat his words.
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2 years later and Grian frantically searched the (now empty) server for his friends and siblings. The Watchers trailing behind him and laughing. He flew around the whole place at least 10 times, trees whipping by below him as he soared overhead. The cold air was nipping at his nose and cheeks but he didn't care, the words echoing in his head, pounding, like a drum making his anxiety grow and grow.
Dead, dead, dead.
Grian didn't even realize he was crying until he had to wipe his tears away in order to see properly. Suddenly, instead of soaring he was falling. Grian's wings had given out due to exhaustion and now he was falling. He squawked in fear as he plummeted to the ground. The treetops approached fast, too fast. Grian shut his eyes tight and felt his whole body crack and burn as he hit the ground.
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"Maybe Taurtis was right...." Grian had thought back to the conversation he'd had with the man 5 years back. He missed his siblings more than anything. Except for Jimmy (at least that's what he told himself at 21 years old still holding a grudge that was well over a decade old) he didn't care about Jimmy whatsoever. Good riddance.
".... Grian?" Xisuma said softly, catapulting the avian out of his thoughts and back to the present.
"Right... Hermitcraft meeting. Stay focused, Grian." He told himself, smiling and nodding for Xisuma to go on and ignoring the worried stares all the other Hermits were giving him. He pointedly ignored the concerned green and reddish brown eyes of his bestfriend and boyfriend on him.
"I asked you a question, G," Xisuma prompted.
"Oh-" Grian gave him an apologetic smile, "Can you repeat that?" He asked in almost a whisper, which, of course, the admin didn't hear being halfway across the table from the blonde.
"He asked how the mansion was coming, Sunshine..." Scar whispered in his ear, he was so close Grian could feel the vexes breath on his skin, causing him to shiver.
The macaw quietly thanked his boyfriend and cleared his throat, before talking loud enough for Xisuma to hear, "It's going well!"
Xisuma smiled, clearly satisfied, nodded and asked Iskall about his "Omega Tree". Not that Grian was even paying attention.
The second the meeting was over Grian raced out of the hall to avoid the concerned mom talk from Cleo or Xisuma's whole lighthearted lecture about listening or.... much worse... Keralis. However, someone caught Grian's wrist before he could get too far. He slowly turned around and was met with the two people he had been avoiding looking at during that meeting. A vampire and vex were stood in front of him, giving him worried looks. Grian did not need a lecture from Mumbo and Scar. Fuck that. He tried to pull his wrist out of the mustached man's grasp but he didn't budge.
"Why are you two looking at me like that?" Grian asked, deadpanned. The two exchanged glances and Grian shook his head, "Nope, no, no! None of that!" He said, waving his hands around as Mumbo had let go of his wrist. Grian crossed his arms and rested his weight on one foot, giving the men an incredulous look, "If you're going to lecture me for spacing out again then at least share your thoughts out loud. The telepathy thing is fucking creepy and you both know it."
Scar snickered, "It's not creepy when you do it too," He pointed out, "You've lost your creepy labeling privileges!" He teased.
"And we aren't going to lecture you, Sweetheart," Mumbo said with a gentle smile, "We just want to know why you've been so flighty and distracted lately and then we'll get off your case."
Grian's sassy resolve melted away and he dropped his arms back down, biting his lip and casting his eyes to the side, "It's the same thing I told you two months ago... I miss Martyn and Pearl..." He muttered.
Scar's smile fell and he gently cupped Grian's face, "I'm sorry, Angel..." He said softly as Mumbo hesitantly side hugged the avian.
"It's okay... I just wish they were here, you know?" Grian said with a small smile, though his eyes were still sad and both men noticed instantly.
"What about Jimmy? You hardly talk about him," Mumbo pointed out, stepping back, and Grian's mood soured instantly.
"Jimmy? Why would I care about him?" The avian asked, "He's the reason my life was hell."
Scar dropped his hand from Grian's cheek and gently flicked his nose, causing Grian to blink a few times in surprise, "Hey, I know you're hurting and that you've been hurting but you can't say stuff like that, you'll regret it," Grian rolled his eyes, earning him another flick to the nose and and a resounding laugh from Mumbo that was poorly stifled.
"Scar!" Grian exclaimed, "Stop flicking me!"
"It isn't his fault Grian," Scar said, "Babies can't choose when they are born. I understand that you're hurt and you want someone to blame, but you can't project your anger and hurt onto him or act like it's his fault when all he did was exist. Have you ever thought about how he feels?" The brunette asked, "You've been blaming him, but have you ever thought about the fact that he probably blames himself?"
And... no. No, Grian had never cared enough about his little brother to do that. Maybe Scar was right but it was easier to be upset at the canary than to actually admit he was in the wrong.
"Ooooooo..." Mumbo muttered, "I think we got through to him a little!"
Grian glared at his friend, "No. No you didn't," He snapped, to Mumbo and Scar's surprise. "I still hate him and I still think that he deserves to be missing."
And with that he shot into the air, ignoring his best friend and boyfriend's calls for him to come back. It was stupid. Why would he care what Jimmy felt? That was Martyn's job, not his.
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Another 2 years went by and Grian was, admittedly, very bored following his brother around and seeing all the Empires. He just really didn't care enough, sure the builds were cool and stuff but he would much rather be on Hermitcraft. It was currently a break in between seasons, season 9 not due to start for another few months or so. Grian wished he had at least brought Scar with him. But no, of course he forgot to ask the Vex and now Scar was visiting family. Jimmy must have noticed that Grian was uninterested because he has stopped talking and was now just staring at his brother. By the time Grian noticed it, there had been an embarrassingly long silence that now he was expected to fill. But before he could Fwhip did.
"Jimmy? Why did you stop talking?" The ginger asked and continued before Jimmy could even reply, "What? Did you forget how to speak? You're stupid enough to," The emperor laughed and Jimmy went red, looking down at the ground.
Grian didn't like that one bit. The only person allowed to bully Jimmy was him. "Say that again?" He challenged.
Jimmy's head shot up and Fwhip gave him a confused look, "Jimmy's stupid enough to forget to speak?" He said.
The macaw's wings puffed up in annoyance and he shot Fwhip a death glare, "And who are you to say that about him. You're probably dumber than him for assuming you can just say that unprompted, asshole."
Fwhip scoffed, "You are in my server, Grian. You don't get to treat me like that," He responded angrily.
"Yeah and he's my brother," Grian countered, "Shut your mouth before I cut it off."
The ginger took a few steps back in fear and Grian was a bit confused until he realized in his anger he'd lost focus and his glamour had fallen a bit causing his wings to go purple and all the eyes to pop into existence. The blonde felt his face go red in embarrassment, seeing the fear in Fwhip's eyes caused him to calm down.
"I- I didn't know you were one of them..." Fwhip muttered.
Grian's wings wrapped around him as he cowered back. He didn't even know why he was defending Jimmy, he still hated the stupid boy. If he hadn't tried to protect him Fwhip wouldn't have found out. This was his fault. Speaking of the canary, he had disappeared. Grian launched into the air, heading to the codlands. Partly to get away from Fwhip and partly to scold Jimmy for this. Even if a voice in the back of his mind that sounded eerily familiar told him "It isn't his fault Grian. I understand that you're hurt and you want someone to blame, but you can't act like it's his fault when all he did was exist. You've been blaming him, but have you ever thought about the fact that he probably blames himself?" Maybe Scar's words had more of an effect on him than he thought and it was very creepy. As he got to Jimmy's house he went to open the door but Scar's voice was nagging him so he decided to be nice and knock.
There was some cursing and the sound of something knocking over before the door opened and there stood Jimmy. Grian opened his mouth to scold his brother when suddenly he noticed tear tracks down his face and red-rimmed eyes... he'd been crying? But why?
"What's wrong?" The avian forced out instead.
Jimmy shook his head, "Nothing... what do you want?" He muttered, unable to look Grian in the eyes, which Grian had only just now realized his brother hadn't made eye contact with him in over a decade.
"To know why you're crying?" Grian replied, "Was Scar right?"
"I'm not," Jimmy said, "Allergies.." He added, which they both knew was bullshit.
"I-..." Grian paused, he didn't know what to do, how to comfort his brother, or why he suddenly felt his heart squeezing in his chest, "I'm leaving..." He decided on, dropping his gaze to the dock.
"Okay.. bye," Jimmy muttered before shutting the door.
Grian stood there, stunned. What the heck just happened and why did Grian suddenly feel like he wanted to cry too?
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Maybe Joel and Grian were being a bit harsh with the whole "toy" thing? Because one second Jimmy was laughing it off and the next he looked like a kicked puppy and shot into the air.
"What-" Joel turned to Grian, very confused, "What just happened?" He asked.
Grian shrugged, "I'm not exactly sure..." He muttered, watching as Jimmy disappeared.
"He's probably going to go have a panic attack now," Scott said, seemingly poofing out of thin air making both Grian and Joel scream and causing Grian to jump into Joel's arms like a cartoon. Scott pressed his lips into a thin line, his brows furrowing as he tried not to laugh at them, "Did you not see me?" He asked, amused.
"At least I didn't scream like a girl," Grian replied, teasing Joel.
"At least I didn't jump into your arms like Scooby-Doo!" Joel fired back.
"Do either of you care about what I just said?" Scott interrupted before Grian could actually say anything back. The cyannette seemed very disappointed and Grian honestly didn't know why.
"Jim has a panic attack every other day, it's normal," Joel scoffed, Scott slapped him across the face, hard. Which pulled a yelp from Joel and he dropped Grian, "You're his boyfriend aren't you?! Go after him!" Scott raised his hand again to slap Joel but the god backed off and he dropped it.
Grian stood and dusted himself off, "I am not and have never dated Jimmy," Scott replied coldly, "But I seem to care about him way more than either of you which is depressing because Grian," He turned to Grian as he froze in fear at the death glare he was given by the cyannette, "Is his literal brother."
Grian gave him a confused glance, "Scott I-.. I honestly don't care," He said, even if the pit in his stomach was growing and about to swallow him whole.
"Do I need to slap you too?" Scott asked, very angry. Grian rapidly shook his head, "Good. You do know that Jimmy acts like that because of you, right?"
And that-... that felt like a shot to the heart as Grian felt it shatter in his chest, "That- that can't be true..."
"It isn't entirely you but he lacks a support system from the person he looks up to the most," Scott sighed, Grian felt his heart break again.
"He looks up to me?" Grian asked, rousing a nod from Scott.
"Why do you think he deals with the way you treat him?" The angel pointed out, "Because he looks up to you. He's like a dog. No matter how horribly you treat him he'll always come back."
Without another word Grian shot into the sky like a bullet, he could feel tears filling his eyes. He had to apologize. He had to make sure Jimmy was okay. He had too. As he landed in Tumble Town, Grian searched everywhere, frantically running around until somebody caught his shoulders and stopped him.
Scar.
"Grian? What's going on?" He asked softly and as Grian looked up at him, panicked, Scar's eyes went wide and he held him close, "What's wrong, Sunshine... who hurt you?" The vex asked, suddenly serious.
"Nobody! I hurt someone!" Grian exclaimed, hysterical.
Scar pulled back and cupped his face, gently wiping his tears with his thumb, "What-"
"You were right!" Grian's wings flapped aimlessly behind him as he got more upset, "You were right! It's not his fault and I shouldn't hate him and I'm a horrible brother and-" Scar cut him off by kissing him softly.
The brunette pulled back and kissed the top of his head, "Who's 'he', baby?" Scar asked in a whisper.
Grian took a deep breath, "Jimmy..." He replied and suddenly Scar understood.
"I just saw him go into his office," The vex said softly, "If you want to go after him, that is?" Grian nodded, "Okay.. it's alright... I'm glad you understand your mistake."
Grian smiled at Scar, that man was his rock. Without him Grian would be a wreck. He was so lucky to be in love with someone as amazing as Scar and that Scar loved him back.
"Thank you, Scar," The avian said, "I love you so much," Grian then turned around and started towards Jimmy's sheriff office.
"Wrong way!" Scar called, making Grian turn around. He couldn't keep the determined smile off his face even as his boyfriend laughed at him.
Grian took a deep breath before gently nudging the door open and finding Jimmy curled up on the floor with his wings wrapped around his body, "Tim..?" Grian asked softly, shutting the door as Jimmy's head shot up. This time he couldn't hide he'd been crying.
"Grian?" Jimmy questioned.
Grian nodded and sat beside his brother, his heart squeezing and his stomach dropping when he saw the blood under Jimmy's fingernails.
"What's wrong...?" He asked softly, "Are you bleeding..?" Jimmy reluctantly removed his wings from around his body to show that he'd scratched up the inside of them blood dripping from the golden feathers. Grian wanted to vomit. "Did you do that to yourself?"
Jimmy couldn't meet his eyes (per usual) but he nodded, "It's how I stay grounded.." He muttered.
Grian wrapped his arms around his little brother, tightly hugging him and holding him close. The canary tensed up, eye's wide with confusion.
"Jimmy I am so sorry, I-..." Grian choked back a sob, "I was so horrible to you for no reason I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry... our mom's death wasn't your fault, you aren't annoying, or useless, or stupid, or- or anything and I love you. You're my brother and I know that words don't make up for how much I've hurt you, I was an angry kid who needed to understand that you were also in pain. You're so sweet and amazing and I'm sorry."
Jimmy suddenly melted into the hug and burst into tears, sobbing into Grian's shoulder, "I already forgave you..." He managed.
That made Grian want to be swallowed up by the floor and never seen again, "I know... because you're fucking stupid and I love you," Jimmy laughed softly.
"You just said I- I wasn't stupid," The taller blonde said.
"Oversight," Grian joked.
"I love you too..." Jimmy said as he pulled away and wiped his tears, "I always have."
Grian sighed and wiped his own away, "I know... Scott told me," He said.
Jimmy nodded, "Ah, he did, did he?" He asked with almost a disbelieving laugh.
"Yeah, he slapped Joel for saying that you having panic attacks was normal," Jimmy leaned back against the desk with his eyes shut.
"Of course he did," The canary muttered, shaking his head, "Dramatic guy he is," Jimmy said.
"Dramatic as fuck, but he cares about you... a lot. You've got a good friend in him," Grian responded.
Jimmy opened his eyes and gave Grian a playful glare, "Was that another Toy Story joke?"
"Actually, no," The macaw smiled, "But thanks for reminding me."
Grian laid his head on his little brother's shoulder and Jimmy put his head atop the others, "Can I tell Martyn that you love me now?" He joked.
"No," Grian said, "I'm ashamed."
Neither of them noticed Scar and Tango in the room until the brunette cleared his throat causing Grian's head to shoot up.
"Wow! We thought we'd have to hold you back or something but it looks like you've been just fine," Scar teased.
"No offense, Rancher, but I thought Grian was going to murder you," Tango added on.
Grian rolled his eyes at the two and Jimmy blushed, "You two suck. We made up on our own with no murder," He said.
Jimmy remained silent for a very long time until blurting: "I wouldn't be that worried about him, I think he actually likes me now," Jimmy stood, being ushered off by Tango to go clean his wounds.
Grian felt that pit in his stomach open up again and he looked down at the floor. Scar sat beside him on the hardwood and took his hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it.
"Hey!" Scar said softly, getting Grian's attention and making him look up, "I am so proud of you."
Grian suddenly felt that pit replaced with something warm and fuzzy, "You are?" He asked quietly.
"That was a huge step you just took, my love," Scar said, pulling the blondes hand up to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it, "I'm proud of you for admitting you did something wrong and apologizing without an excuse."
The avian cuddled up to his boyfriend's side shut his eyes, "I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to Jimmy... I've spent 15 years of my life hating him and berating him. I won't stop teasing him, but I will be nicer and make sure he's not actually upset. I don't think I could bear hurting him again."
The vex smiled brightly, "There's the man I fell in love with! I knew he was in there somewhere!" Scar said happily and yet with a hint of teasing.
Grian chuckled, he meant it, he would spend the rest of his life making it up to Jimmy. Sure his little brother was still annoying at times but that didn't make Grian love him any less and if he was honest, it felt really good to have his family back. His whole family.