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Steve isn’t home today. And Tony feels his absence keenly.
He flew out to France the other day and will be there for the rest of the week. If Tony pulled up the news, he’d see all the pictures of Steve in Normandy in his army uniform. There was a particularly touching one of Steve laying a wreath at the Normandy American Cemetery.
The week had been circled on their calendar since last year and the Avengers support team had hired a temp PR person deployed specifically to handle requests for Steve. Then Steve had put in for a leave from the Avengers for three weeks around June 6th back in January.
“Do you want me to come?” Tony asked in March when he and Steve were watching television in bed. He could clear his calendar no problem for the entire three weeks for Steve if Steve wanted it.
Steve didn’t answer at first. He paused the movie and looked thoughtful for few minutes. “I – I think I prefer to go alone,” he finally admitted. He turned the movie back on.
They just never talked about it again. Tony watched Steve prep for the reunion. Steve tried on new replica WWII uniforms, then agonized over the medals. Steve had plenty of course but he felt uncomfortable about them.
“It’s not like you’re showing up in the superhero outfit,” Tony said. Steve was trying on the latest version of the replica uniform in their room. Steve looked sharp in the uniform, with nicely shined shoes, hat on head, and a chest full of medals.
Steve sighed and pointed to an already packed duffle bag. “I had to pack one in case.”
“Sure you don’t want me to come along?”
“Thanks for the offer, but …. I should go alone,” Steve replied.
Tony knew that Steve had turned down about 90% of the requests the PR person got – the number had been ridiculous. Before he left, Steve had done a few interviews and went to a few Memorial Day events.
It wasn’t a case of Steve just being a 30-something WWII vet and easy to interview -- he had actually fought in the campaign. Steve had been involved in special ops missions in Normandy for a couple of weeks before the invasion and had watched the incoming waves of soldiers landing on the beaches from a perch on the shore. That was historical fact and had been declassified a few years before Steve was found in the ice.
Tony stayed home to see Steve off on his trip. Steve was flying over to France with a group of veterans. He had been involved with the fundraising for the trip and was happy to be going with them. The picture of Steve at the airport waiting for the charter flight with all the other veterans – elderly men traveling with family and carers – would hit the news sites several hours later. The first picture posted would mistakenly identify Steve as one of the veterans’ grandsons – the man was from Steve’s old neighborhood in the Lower East Side and they had been talking about the changes in the city.
Steve was there at their front door waiting for the car service to take him away to the airport. He was usually a light packer, but this time he had three suitcases and the case for the shield. “You got my agenda?” Steve asked Tony.
“Yep. Sure you don’t want to join the guys doing the parachute landing recreation?”
A look of horror raced across Steve’s face before Steve shut down again. “I’ll call when I can,” he offered.
“I stocked some new books on your StarkPad and everyone’s been given strict orders not to contact you, even if the world is on fire.”
Steve smiled at that. He leaned forward to chastely kiss Tony goodbye and then was gone.
Tony lingered a few minutes contemplating the empty void left behind by Steve. He felt an ache in his heart. Damn it, Steve was just going to France – and they’d gone to Europe for fun trips many times – so why did it feel like he was sending Steve off to actual war. He’ll see Steve in a week and he could always see him on the news or in the documentaries on D-Day coming out right now.
So Steve is in France and Tony is working on a project at work. The project isn’t keeping Tony’s brain fully occupied though. Friday is giving him updates about the festivities. How this is the last reunion of D-Day veterans, the arrival of dignitaries, Captain America laying a wreath – the media keeps pumping out the stories.
Surprisingly Steve calls. Tony checks the time – early for him in New York, late at night for Steve at Omaha Beach. “How are you doing?”
The quiet sob on the other side of the phone nearly kills Tony. Then Steve apparently swallows the pain down and manages to lie (badly) to Tony, “It’s been busy but I’m good.”
The decision is instantaneous for Tony. “I’ll be there in two hours – as soon as the suit can get me there.”
“I love you too,” Steve replies quietly, his gratitude shining through his words.
Tony arranges for clothes, a car, and other items as he speeds to be with Steve an ocean away. He lands at the hotel and the hotel staff are waiting for him. He races up to Steve’s room and finds his boyfriend awake in his room, unable to sleep haunted by memories and horrors.
Shedding his armor as fast as he can, he enfolds Steve in his arms and whispers love and support into Steve’s ears. Steve relaxes into Tony, and tells him, “I thought I would be fine –”
“You’re not alone,” Tony vows to Steve and rubs hand up and down Steve’s back.
They didn’t have the words or the medical diagnoses for veterans like they do now. No PTSD for Steve. All they had given Steve when he woke was the news that the war was over, Bucky is dead and we have a job for you. And Steve just got on with it.
Damn, Tony loves this man so much and he wishes that the Avengers had been kinder, more understanding when they found him. But they were all ridiculously young and dealing with their own trauma that they didn’t see or know what Steve was going through. Since then, Steve and he come to a place of forgiveness for their younger selves. But Steve never talks about the war then or ever, letting the historians and commentators do his talking for him.
Right now, Tony just holds Steve as Steve lets go of all the tension and conflicts he’s been feeling over the war and his past.
In the morning, while Steve and he get breakfast, Steve introduces him to the other veterans and their families. It’s nice to be called Steve’s boyfriend, Tony and nothing else. One of the wives jokes that Steve needs to lock Tony down soon or else.
He goes with Steve to all the events and is happy to sit in the audience watching Steve. Tony’s made the calls to the PR people to kill any story that mentions him over Steve or any story that makes a big deal of them being there at the 80th celebration. This is not about him or the Avengers – it’s about Steve as the veteran.
The food is fabulous, the stories awe inspiring, the politicians boring. All in the all, at the end of the events, Steve is doing fine. He’s in Captain America mode – never tiring of taking pictures or talking or handshaking. He’s perfect.
(Tony had already a booked a small get-away for them when they return to New York so Steve can crash and be the grumpy exhausted man he is.)
They’re going home with the veterans in the morning. But Steve stands holding hands with Tony at the Normandy American Cemetery. He had filmed his last interview an hour ago, telling stories of the men he remembers (and Steve remembers everyone) who have been interred there.
Steve wipes away another few tears – there are a few candid photos of Steve with tears already published. “I’m going to write a book,” he announces out of the blue.
“What?” Tony asks.
“My memoirs,” Steve continues. “I should do that, before I want to forget again.”
Tony squeezes his hand. “We could set-up an office for you –”
As he talks to Steve, Steve is steering him to a bench. “You know, they pulled us all from the field – called us in and said they needed us here in May 44. Bucky thought it was bull. But I had a feeling it was going to be big.”
Tony listens as Steve tells him for the first time what he did for the D-Day invasion. He is in awe of Steve all over again. They’ll have to leave soon for the last dinner but he doesn’t want to interrupt Steve.
“Then it was over, and I had new missions on June 10 and we knew it was the beginning of the end.” Steve sighs. Then stood up. “We should get going. Don’t want to be late.”
They walk out to the waiting car hand-in-hand. And Steve smiles at Tony. “I thought I should do this alone – but I’m glad you’re here with me.”
Tony doesn’t make a joke or say something to deflect the weight of the moment. He leans against Steve to show his love before they get in the car. They have all the time to talk later. “Love you too.”