Chapter Text
Voices surround him as he sits up and struggles to concentrate. Last night Jake went to sit by himself to calm his nerves. Jake had been really distant to the people around him other than Ashley, so knowing that the merge was upon them, he knew he needed to do something to clear his head, so this was what needed to be done.
However, he didn’t expect his ex romantic interest, Tom, to come from behind him to talk about their realtionship. He was stunned to find out what was really happening regarding Tom. To find out that Tom didn’t have a boyfriend was one thing, but this struck Jake as concerning. For two years, they had both just been, ignoring each other. He knew that he tried to contact Tom, but his bad thoughts outweighed the actual facts.
“…”
“It’s all my fault I-…” Jake murmured to himself.
“What was that, bud?” Ashley’s voice sounded from behind him, Jake instantly looking behind himself.
Ashleys glowing presence soothed Jake a little. He smiled a bit, although a bit awkwardly.
“Oh, hi Ashley.”
“Hey, Jake. Good morning!” She paused shortly and continued. “I would ask you if you wanted a bite to eat, but ya’ know… the fishing gear…” She trails off.
Jake knew what she meant. “No, yeah the fishing gear. Yeah, sure sucks that Kristal took all of our stuff away from us.” Jake stammered a bit.
“Yeah! That’s exactly what I mean.” Ashley’s continued grin changes into a bit of concern.
“Something wrong bud?” Ashley had spent the past 20 days with him, so she knew Jake pretty well.
“No, yeah, I’m fine, we’re just all going through the thick of it here, huh?” Jake laughs and then leans over a bit in his sleeping bag, his hand to his chin. “Just harder with the certain circumstances.” Jake looked around again. Yul, Grett, Ally and Ashley were all in the tent. He had to watch what he said.
“Yeah, I imagine so…” Ashley’s sad smile kicked in. “Hey, you know what? Since the challenge hasn’t started yet, and we’re both awake, hows’ about we mosey over to our usual spot?”
Jake knew exactly what she was talking about and began to get up and walk out of the tent. As Ashley lifted up the tent’s cover, Jake suddenly remembered.
“Ash, I’ll be right there. I forgot I need to brush my teeth. I’ll meet you in a minute?” Jake stated while simultaneously asking.
Ashley chuckled. “Alright Jake, Just don’t take a lifetime.”
Jake rolled his eyes playfully. “Trust me I’ll be there.”
Ashley exited the tent as Jake searched through his sleeping bag to find his ziplock bag of essentials. Since Kristal didn’t allow any personal belongings, he had to leave his bag, but he did bring his toothbrush and other required items like deodorant and his medication. He’s relieved all of that was able to fit into his pocket.
“…”
As Jake’s mind wandered, he realized that he was sitting, looking at nothing, then he realized that this “nothing” was Ally.
“…” Jake immediately averts his eyes from her, his face unintentionally transforming into a frown. He carefully picks up his toothbrush and toothpaste and starts to brush.
He had gotten some water in a cup and used it to wet the head of the brush beforehand. When he was done, he made his way to the edge of the tent to spit in the grass. Even if it was gross it was really the only option he had. After, he returns his toothbrush and toothpaste into his bag.
“Oh …” he yawns. “My godd.” He says in a silent whisper. He didn’t have anything to complain about, not really. But being out there for almost 3 weeks had done a number on mental health. His mind had been semi-clear, but he is self-aware to know that he causes problems for other people, not just himself. This bugged him ever since Ashley had brought it a few days prior. Even if he doesn’t exactly understand why he unintentionally hurts people, he’s starting to realize when. He gets up, puts his shoes on and heads for the end of the tent. He scratches his arm out of habit as he attempts to exit.
A voice calls out from behind him.
“We’re you going to say anything?” Ally asks, rather abruptly.
“No, but if you want me too, I guess I will.” Jake jabs back.
“Alright then, what is it?”
“Ally, why do you have such a problem with me? All I do is exist, is that such a crime?” Jake questions.
“Jake, seriously dude, all you do is talk about yourself. I just asked because you stared at me for at least half a minute. If you actually have something to say, make it worthwhile.” Ally sighed for only a second as she exited the tent herself. He wanted so badly to tell her to fuck off, but he realized it once again.
“…”
Jake said nothing as he went out the same side of the tent Ally went out of, and walked straight forward. He walked for a few minutes, stepping over logs and other kinds of vines and bushes and saw Ashley’s hat behind a rock as she was bending down, looking at a bush. Jake moved a little closer.
“Look Jake!” Ashley’s voice rang out in a excited tone. Jake smiled and went through the vegetation.
“Ashley! Hey there, what are we looking at?” Jake said, smiling at her chipper attitude.
As Jake investigated himself, it seemed to look like some sort of red berry, then he realized it was a few strawberries on a vine. “Oh cool!”
Ashley seemed happy at Jake’s comment. “Yeah, this here is a good ol’ strawberry bush. I hadn’t seen any before this, I was starting to think this camp only had blackberries.”
“It’s nice to know we can eat some of these. They look fresh too. And yeah, strawberries are grown here too. I love strawberries.” Jake chuckled as he said it, a feeling of childlike amusement coming back to him.
Ashley picked a few from the vine and gave them to Jake. “Oh, I didn’t know you had such a affinity for strawberries…?” She joked a bit.
“Oh, yeah, this reminds me of when I was younger. I think I was around 7 or 8. Me and my mom would take ourselves to the local orchid. It’s not like I lived in a rural area, far from it. My mom has always been connected to nature and she would share that passion with me… anyway, they had all types of berries at this orchid. I never thought it was spectacular or anything, but seeing my mom happy made me happy.”
“Oh, I’m ….” Ashley bit her tongue as she continued. “I don’t know what to say.” Ashely looked knowingly into Jake’s eyes.
Jake took a second to ground himself back into the current moment and felt slightly relieved. He didn’t want to think about that any longer.
“No, it’s alright. This was way before the issues at home. I was a kid. It was …” He stumbled over his last words and looked up at Ashley, a sad look of intrigue but apprehension was plastered on her face. “It was pretty good. And, hey… I wanna hear what you had to say about this bush here, I got a little off track.
“If you’re sure Jake. I’m always here for you.” Ashley politely inquired.
Jake looked down, the berries rolled a bit due to the dips and slight bumps in Jake’s palm. “It’s all good Ashely. Plus, I really am interested in what you have to say about the berries here.”
“Well, back to what we were saying about strawberries growing here. They do in fact grow all over North America. Of course, as a farmer i’m pretty good at telling what’s what. But, I’d have to say that all the berries here are pretty safe.” Ashley informs him.
“Ah, thats really interesting! Wondering if they don’t want anyone to get sick here…? Anyway, continue.” Jake went back to staying silent, enjoying Ashley’s lesson.
“I’m glad you think so, you have to be careful with berries that look similar to strawberries. Take for example, Fragola matta’s . They are apart of the same genus as strawberries, but they are extremely…. bitter.”
Jake was completely taken aback, that’s not what he thought Ashley was getting to at all. “I..”
“You thought I was gonna’ say they were poisonous, right?” Ashley laughed a bit at Jake’s confused reaction. “Sorry, I know it’s not that funny … but sure enough no kind of berry in the strawberry family is poisonous. The Fragola matta and others like the Fragola di bosco are not in the least harmless! But most taste pretty bland. They are “mock berries” you see.”
Jake was amused at Ashleys explanation, she seemed pretty giddy while describing them.
“No, yeah yeah! I totally get where you were going now. Ive heard the term “mock berries” before. In this instance, basically just fake, wild-strawberries.” Jake pretends to show-off his bare minimum knowledge. “See, I’m not that out of the loop, I know some things!” Jake looks off while smiling, clearly enjoying Ashley’s presence.
“Heh, I would’ve been none the wiser to know that I was sitting in front of a Strawberry expert!”
“And, why is that?” Jake plays along.
“Well, your shirt right? The watermelon one, shouldn’t you be the master of random knowledge about watermelons??” Ashley and Jake both stood from their crouching position.
“Hey! Watermelons are just really big berries right? Is that what you were going to say? Well i’m not a berry expert at all. And who ever said I was the master of a specific thing? I’d know, i’m not really the greatest at just one particular thing, hah.”
Ashley’s radiant look faded a bit as she took in what Jake had just said. “Hey now, it’s alright to joke, but I don’t like when you demean yourself. That’s most likely not true!” Ashley says, trying to stay positive.
“I… I mean…” Jake tries to smile. “It’s okay Ash, I really was just joking.” Jake nodded.
Jake knows that Ashley’s wrong, he feels it in his heart. He isn’t special, at some points it seems like Ashley is a bit too optimistic when it came to Jake’s abilities.
“Okay, that’s good. Well not to retract from where we were, but I think we’d …” Ashley was about to speak when an announcement played over the speakers.
It was Kristal’s voice. “Campers, meet me at the merge tent in 2 minutes. It’s challenge time!” The voice echoed through the forest, catching everyone’s attention more than expected.
“Oh shoot, that’s no time at all. Jake, let’s hurry over.” Ashley already began to trudge through the foliage quite fast, causing Jake to quickly jog up to her.
“I’m guessing she’s giving us little to no time because we’re all staying at the same campsite, huh?” Jake huffed a bit, not great in anxious situations.
Jake and Ashley both get held back by the trees and logs in the way, trying to find their path back to the fire-pit and tent.
“I’ll bet. It’ll be fine Jake, we are already half-way there I’m sure.”
Jake says nothing to those words, he knows that they’ll be fine. It’s a small distance and if they pick up their pace they’ll be okay. But, it’s everything else that’s still on his mind.
“Tom…” Jake whispers under is breath as he runs through the forest, his mind now cluttered with awful, painful thoughts. He doesn’t even know why he’s in love with Tom.
“I’m so tired …”
“Why do I contradict myself and worry about him…?”
“And why… do I talk to myself so fucking much?” He starts to get annoyed as he breathes in and out as he’s almost out of the forest.
He shakes his head and keeps pushing forwards, not wanting to sit through whatever Kristal’s punishment would be for being late.