Chapter Text
i won’t lie and say i don’t miss us
because in some way, it truly was beautiful
you gave me a home when i didn’t have one
and a heart to hold close to my own
it’s been a while since i let myself think of you
for a long period of time, you just disappeared
i allowed myself to forget some times
others not
but i can’t deny my utter infatuation with you
things are different now
or perhaps they are the same
just in different fonts
you always were so close
yet so far out of my reach
i deluded myself into thinking i knew you
perhaps it was for my own sake
now i look back and think,
maybe i didn’t know you
not nearly as well as i should have
you knew me well
i always was an open book to those i trusted
was it love?
i don’t know
yes I was positively smitten,
putting your own happiness before mine
yes, i had lust
i thought you were the most beautiful person i had ever laid my eyes upon
and yes,
when you broke my heart,
you broke me,
left me scattered into pieces,
as i desperately tried to scramble for air
in the sea of emotions I was drowning in
but looking back,
was it love?
or were you simply someone i felt safe with,
one of the first people to accept my flaws,
to tell me I was beautiful
even when I felt I was not
your face appears on my screen more often
occasionally you post
and you seem different
yet in some ways, i wonder if you truly ever changed
we fell apart
and i miss the friendship we once had
but i have the feeling
that as much as i tried
as hard as i pushed myself
i never truly fit into your life
perhaps i never will
i get the urge to text you sometimes
just to see what you’re up to
just to see how you’ve changed
how you’ve grown
who sits beside you
yet, i never do act upon these impulses
because even after all these years,
i’m scared i don’t fit into your life
we were so young back then
talking big game
we didn’t even know who we were
two broken kids found solace in the company
of someone who knew how to hide their broken parts
who understood struggle
and survived it
i might never be close to you once more
might never hold you in my arms
or even just have a truly meaningful conversation with you
but regardless,
i wish nothing but happiness for you
because the memories you gave,
and the way you changed me,
led to who I am today.
and i like who i am today.