Chapter Text
What was the point of soulmates existing when not everyone got to have one?
Because Kaiser sure as fuck didn’t.
He’d known from a young age.
In first class of middle school, classmate after classmate began seeing those little notes and scribbles in their mandatory reads. Thoughts and doodles, questions, and commentary appeared in the space between the lines. They all saw different colors, his classmates told him.
Kaiser couldn’t see them, naturally; those weren’t his soulmate’s notes.
But he didn’t see any notes in his own reads either.
At first, he didn’t think much of it. He had multiple explanations. Maybe his soulmate was a little younger than him and just hadn’t gotten that far in the curriculum yet. Maybe they started with different books and would get to the ones Kaiser had read later. There was nothing to worry about.
Kaiser finished dozens of books. Dozens became hundreds. Every now and then he revisited the books he loved the most.
He ended up disappointed each time.
Over the years, nothing changed. He never put a pen to his pages, the only marks he wanted to see his soulmate’s. But his pages remained unmarked and clean.
It wasn’t until high school that Kaiser, for the first time, entertained the thought that maybe, there was something wrong with him.
All of his classmates knew of their other half’s existence by then. Some had started communicating through the pages, some even met in real life. One couple already dated. He knew nobody else who was still looking at bleak pages.
He brushed the concern aside. Not having a soulmate was entirely unheard of.
Everyone had a soulmate, right?
Today, his Munich apartment housed a library filled with exactly two-thousand-seven-hundred-fourty-two books. More than two hundred of them were mandatory school reads in common languages. English, Spanish, French, Italian, Russian, Chinese, Portuguese. A thin layer of dust blanketed them.
Guests admired his shelves. They would ask him if his soulmate liked to read as much as he did.
Kaiser told them he wouldn’t know. He still had not seen a single note in those books.
They answered with pity. Kaiser told them to shove it. He didn’t need it, the same way he didn’t need a soulmate.
His life had become great the way it was. He had successfully set himself apart from his rivals, had a secure job with Bastard München, and got paid more than he could spend. He’d come to terms with his unusual fate and had built a life around it, independent and fulfilling as was.
A soulmate could offer him nothing that would better his life. He was over and done with soulmates and books.
In the past five years, Kaiser hadn’t added a single new book to his collection. After having been in the NEL, he didn’t have the time to read anymore. Training, events, and games took up most of his time, and after those, he was too exhausted to open a new book and apart from that all, he’d built his life around his career. As long as he was a name, he’d be enough.
There wasn’t any point in reading any longer anyway. He didn’t gain anything from it, he already had everything he could wish for.
Although, that wasn’t quite true.
The paperback in his backpack weighed his shoulders down more than any of his other baggage. It was the only unread book he owned. It was his therapist’s fault. She had talked him into buying it.
The book wasn’t anything special, just a coming-of-age novel set in a universe where soulmates weren’t a thing and love still existed. It wasn’t a book Kaiser would have reached for voluntarily either but her enthusiasm about the characters and the plot upon being asked about it had stuck with him.
He didn’t remember how he ended up in the bookstore. Neither did he recall paying for the book nor packing it.
But now it sat heavy in his hand luggage as he trailed after his teammates and their soulmates to board the plane to Japan once more.
Although, he wouldn’t read it on the long flight, lest someone asked him about it. Or even worse: dared to think he still grieved his unusual situation or nurtured any nonsensical hope.
He didn’t.
He just… missed reading.
A little at least.
Maybe he wasn’t as done with books as he had made himself believe.
But he was over the soulmate thing. He’d accepted the fact that he was not fated to be with another person years ago. Not having one didn’t impact his life. If anything, it gave him more time and space to focus on his career, and that’s what really mattered.
~*~
After the Neo Egoist League ended, Kaiser had been to Japan a total of three more times.
The first time he returned for public events and interviews that wanted his story of the most thrilling weeks he ever lived.
The second time he came back for an advertising campaign, and the third time he came back for an actual vacation. He’d spent months in a foreign country without seeing anything but the messed-up cube and high-rise buildings. The trip was suggested by his therapist, and encouraged by his old and new teammates, who begged to accompany him. Though he preferred not to talk about those two weeks.
Setting foot on Japanese ground after this flight marked his fourth visit, to partake in a friendly match marking the fifth anniversary of the NEL ending.
It wouldn’t be the same. Many of the guys from back then hadn’t pursued a professional career in the end. The ones who had were spread around the world and at least semi-successful in what they did. Only a handful of them had made it to, and stayed in, the national teams. But those had grown into their names and Kaiser met them as their opponents more often than preferable.
Hence, he knew to expect nothing but the worst.
Their ambitions had only grown worse, and the field was sure to become a battleground, but Kaiser’d be wrong to say he wasn’t excited to put them all in their correct places once again. For the first time, he was genuinely thrilled to be back in Japan, and he would have been almost happy about it hadn’t it been for that one little detail.
That one little thing that kept ruining his visits.
Each time he came back, he had to put up with a nuisance called Isagi Yoichi. As lucky as he counted himself Isagi never signed with Bastard, deciding to stay with the Japanese team instead, as cursed was he to cross paths and be paired up with him at any chance given for eternity.
He didn’t have to check the seating order to know that Isagi was to sit next to him at the banquet today. He also knew that in two days, they would play with the same lineup as in their last NEL match.
He couldn’t get rid of Isagi. He was that disgusting piece of gum sticking to the sole of your shoe you never manage to scrape off completely.
A glance at the schedule Noa had handed them confirmed his assumption. But he didn’t fail to notice that Isagi too hadn’t signed up a plus one. The seat next to him had Hiori’s name on it.
Kaiser stared at the names for a few more seconds.
Apart from Kaiser, only one other player from the NEL refused to mention their soulmate. Isagi. He never brushed the topic off as harshly as Kaiser did and was known to repeat the same statement to any question concerning his soulmate with a tight, teeth-flashing smile.
I’m sorry, but I’d like to keep that matter private, and I hope you can respect that.
Nothing more, nothing less.
The secrecy tickled Kaiser’s curiosity. Made him wonder just who his other half might be. Why did he keep them out of the spotlight so meticulously, when others didn’t hesitate to cash off the big reveal, regardless of making their identity public? Though Kaiser recognized it might very well be that Isagi had decided to not meet his soulmate just yet, waiting for a better time in life to appear.
He could try and ask him, of course.
He wouldn’t. Kaiser’s boldness reached far, but not that far.
Albeit for different reasons, Isagi sat in the same boat as Kaiser, and Kaiser felt an odd sense of unspoken solidarity towards him, one he needn’t betray.
Kaiser dropped his bag on his bed. His luggage had already been brought up, his dry-cleaned suit for later hung on the closet door. He had barely unpacked his essentials to brush his teeth and changed into a fresh pair of boxers before he dropped into bed and used the hours he had left to cure some of his jet lag.
~*~
A knock on his door jolted Kaiser out of sleep.
Ness had come to get him. Alone. Because Ness’ girlfriend rarely tagged along to their away matches due to her job. But that didn’t mean she didn’t exist, and she was gorgeous; everything one could ever ask for and a perfect match for Ness, alluring him from a lot of his obsessive tendencies.
Kaiser rubbed over his eyes, feeling particularly run over.
“You’ve forgotten to set an alarm, didn’t you?” Ness asked.
He was already dressed in full formal attire, with a folded handkerchief in the pocket, and his hair neatly curled.
“What time is it?” Kaiser stepped aside to let him in.
“You have one hour thirty left before we need to be downstairs.”
“Fuck.”
With twenty-five minutes to spare, freshly showered, wrapped in a bathrobe and his hair pulled up, he emerged from the bathroom to find Ness sitting in the armchair with the book he’d brought along.
Noticing him, Ness looked up. Kaiser hated the sad frown on his face.
Ness closed the book and put it on the table. “I didn’t know you started reading again.”
“I didn’t,” Kaiser said flatly.
“What’s this then?”
“A recommendation from Yasmin. I trust her opinion.”
Kaiser turned away to get dressed. The suit had been provided by the organizers and without doubt, it would match Isagi’s somehow, which happened more often than Kaiser liked it to.
Ness cleared his throat. “So, you’re reading again.”
“I haven’t opened it yet,” Kaiser said, unwilling to jump onto the conversation Ness tried to start.
“Yet.”
“I might once I have time.”
“It’s the first book I’ve seen you with since I signed.”
“What’s your point?”
“Are you -?”
“Looking again?” Kaiser cut him off. “Why would I? Can’t I enjoy a book for what it is?”
He fumbled around the buttons of his shirt, his fingers unable to slip them through the hole on the first try. Ever since getting with his girlfriend, Ness just couldn't let it go. He never asked outright, but Kaiser could tell he thought and worried about it constantly because nobody else would go through the effort to remove as much soulmate-related content from Kaiser’s environment. He may act in secret, but Kaiser noticed, always. It was as if he didn’t believe Kaiser could be alone or should be alone.
Good-hearted Ness couldn’t get into his head that Kaiser had come to terms with staying alone and not being miserable being so. But Ness never considered his behavior as insulting as Kaiser found it to be.
Shrugging into his jacket, he purposefully avoided looking at Ness, unwilling to acknowledge the unwanted solicitude he had to offer.
Ness cleared his throat. “Japan’s team already arrived. They’re in the lobby.”
“Good for them,” Kaiser said as he closed the cuff links. They were dark blue. He’d bet next month’s salary that Isagi’s were light blue. “We should join them.”
“We’ll meet with the others at the elevator.”
Ness stood once Kaiser checked his appearance one last time. From the corner of an eye, Kaiser caught him glancing at the book and his stomach twisted. He had wanted to avoid this exact situation. Raising the topic in Kaiser’s presence tended to raise a foul mood, most of the time not originating from Kaiser even.
His teammates’ obsession with this well-being made them all so soft in his company, when the last time he’d been emotional over his solitude had been before NEL times, in a dark bar over five too many drinks. But for his teammates, it seemed to have been yesterday and not years ago, considering how sorry they still felt whenever bringing soulmates up.
Even Ness; the only one who knew the entire story behind Kaiser’s solitude. Mostly Ness, who now would keep his eyes glued to Kaiser for the entire event.
He should have known better than to bring a shitty romance novel on this trip.
~*~
Kaiser avoided Isagi for the first two hours of the evening. Experience told him he wouldn’t get rid of the other once they started their first argument, and usually, a certain level of alcohol consumption needed to happen before the organizers turned a blind eye to it.
Which didn’t mean they didn’t catch each other across the room all the time; glances were shared whenever he thought Isagi wasn’t looking his way but indeed was. Isagi tried to wave him hither a few times. Kaiser turned the other away.
He struck up a conversation with Loki and Charles instead, had a drink with Sae after, and another one with Rin, and fulfilled his duty of making small talk with all the important associates. Nobody asked him questions too personal, keeping it professional enough for the hours to pass in a breeze in a familiar atmosphere. He knew how to navigate that, and it put him at ease.
But when Isagi inevitably approached with determined strides, demanding his immediate, undivided attention, Kaiser was already expecting him. They’d kept apart for longer than usual.
Kaiser didn’t know how he did it, but Isagi appeared more mature each time they saw each other, growing out of the softness around his eyes and cheeks, but keeping the unmistakable mischief in his features. Age suited him.
“Good evening, Kaiser. I have been wondering why you haven’t come up to say hi?”
Isagi handed him a flute of champagne, but Kaiser didn’t take it, too caught up in what he’d heard. The words rearranged in his mind, were put into a new order only to make less sense than before and to be picked apart anew.
“Pardon me?”
Isagi’s eyes brimmed with pride. “Did I manage to surprise you?”
What he said sounded clear and familiar, yet off. Because Isagi had spoken German. Despite the accent, Kaiser understood him perfectly.
“That’s new.” Kaiser accepted Isagi’s offer and didn’t change languages. He reached for the flute. “Any particular reason for the new skill?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I wonder too,” Isagi said sheepishly.
Kaiser decided to indulge him, if to satisfy his nosiness. And maybe to quench the small flame of disquiet kindling in the pits of his stomach.
“Anything life-changing happening?” he teased.
But he immediately regretted asking when he was smacked across the face with Isagi’s enthusiastic smile. It came with an off-putting hunch, feeding the uneasy flicker.
“You could say so.”
“Must be important if you learned that quick. Your English still sucks.”
“I have good reasons.”
“Sure you do.” Kaiser downed his drink in one go.
Reasons, he said.
It didn’t take a genius to understand the connotations. Combined with the happiness Isagi emitted, Kaiser could easily guess what this was about. So the time had come.
A sudden wash of hot anger overcame him, tension straining his muscles, and he couldn’t stifle his upset albeit aware of its irrationality.
It’s not like Isagi had any fault in finding his soulmate. Everyone did. It was bound to happen, irrevocably wired into their genetics.
Only Kaiser would remain alone. Alone in this society. Alone in his lifestyle. Alone against the never-ending prodding questions. An oddity amongst pairs.
They had never addressed it, but Kaiser had always seen it as an unspoken thing between them, that they did not concern themselves with soulmates, whatever reason the other may have. And they did not speak about soulmates. Not even in the NEL they’d brought the topic up, because all that counted was outdoing each other. Soulmates didn’t concern them.
Now, Kaiser thought he should have asked at least once, when he had the opportunity, if and when Isagi had connected with his soulmate. Just to not be so caught off guard. It’s been just too easy to assume someone shared a similar fate, albeit the unlikeliness of it all.
Any further questions that lingered on Kaiser’s mind dissolved in a rush, rendering him unable to utter anything but an impartial “interesting.” His body physically strived against diving into business not his.
It didn’t keep him from wondering though, why Isagi had decided to bring it up now out of all times, when their most-anticipated match of the year was only days away. Nothing but the game should have been on their minds, because Kaiser dared to claim to have quite an idea of how Isagi’s brain worked, and if one thing didn’t add up, it was Isagi prioritizing soulmates over games…
Isagi didn’t notice Kaiser’s thoughts trailing, happily chatting away. “You’ve not answered my question.”
Pulled back into here and now, Kaiser pushed aside the arising doubts to handle later.
“Why would I want to talk to you? I’m not that desperate to see you.”
Isagi gave a musing hum. “Because I saved your vacation last time.” Then he leaned forward, his face came far too close. Kaiser could smell his perfume and see the fine smile lines at the corners of his eyes.
With a dismissive wave of a hand, Kaiser leaned back, turned on his heels, and walked away. “You made my travels more convenient, and nobody asked you to. That’s all.”
Behind him, Isagi laughed. “I’ll wait for you to make up for it.”
~*~
The last drink had been one too much. Or maybe the last three had been. Kaiser didn’t remember when exactly he’d started to sway. But when dinner was served, he couldn’t do much but push his food around on the plate, not trusting himself to keep it down.
He also didn’t feel like talking, his words too slurred for his liking, and the situation too similar to an unwelcome memory. So, he listened to the conversations around him, made of constant jokes and quips and anecdotes of the good old times. The boredom did wonders clearing his head.
When someone put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed over it too gently to be pure mockery, he flinched.
“You’re oddly quiet,” Isagi noted. He said it like a question with his head tilted in concern.
With a shrug, Kaiser twisted out of his touch. “Maybe I’d talk more if your conversations were interesting.”
Across the table, Kurona snorted. He pointed his fork at Kaiser. “What do you want to talk about then? Stocks?”
The group around them fell into annoying laughter. Despite his throbbing head, Kaiser didn’t feel like he had enough to drink to laugh at such tepid joke. Or maybe because of his spinning head he only managed to roll his eyes.
Just a little longer until the real party began. Then he could choose his company freely again and get away from the old NEL team for the night. This seating order really grated on his nerves.
“He had too much to drink. He’ll be better in a minute,” Ness jumped in, and Kaiser rolled his eyes harder.
Magically, Kaiser’s empty glass filled. Then, Isagi picked it up to hand it to him directly with a sympathetic smile. “Here. Water helps.”
Kaiser eyed it suspiciously. “I know.”
He wanted to splash it in his face. Isagi wore that pitying smile he wished he didn’t recognize so easily, even in a different context; in fact, nothing about this situation was about soulmates or Kaiser’s lack there-of and Isagi’s impending luck, but somehow, it’s all he could see in Isagi’s face. The same empathy Ness had tried to shove down his throat earlier.
Fucking hell, he shouldn’t have brought that book along in the first place. It seriously messed with his head. Kaiser rubbed his temples.
The water was emptied inside the monstera behind his back, and he counted Isagi’s incredulous expression as a win.
The sound of microphone static got him out of explaining himself to the group. The event’s spokesperson had gotten on stage and was tapping the mic excessively, letting the entire hall calm down so he had the room’s attention.
What followed was a generic speech to which Kaiser listened with only half an ear. Sure, everyone was honored, they were looking forward to the event, thanks to the sponsors and all that yapping he’d heard a million times before. The man beside Kaiser turned out to he much more interesting than the old man’s twaddle.
Within moments, Isagi had gone from unbent conversing to shifting on the edge of his chair left to right and fiddling with his right cuff link. Light blue. Spot on.
He’d turned to the person speaking, so Kaiser couldn’t see his expression. What was going on?
But he quickly reached a point where he couldn’t stand Isagi’s fidgeting any more. He wanted to push him into his chair by his shoulder and lock him in place to calm down, but before he could, Isagi scooted his chair back and left, leaving Kaiser’s arm hanging in the air uselessly for a second.
Kaiser didn’t understand what he’d missed, but Isagi got on stage and took the geezer’s microphone.
“Do you know what this is about?” Ness whispered behind Kaiser, and he could have punched him for the question. Why would Kaiser know anything?
“Hello, everyone,” Isagi began. “First I wanted to say I’m very grateful that we’re able to gather like this again. It’s been a while, don’t you think?”
Applause swallowed the room, a few people whistled, Isagi’s old teammates cheered. Kaiser leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, waiting it out. There were a lot of directions this talk could go, but Kaiser had that impending, hot feeling in the pits of his stomach that only ever appeared when Isagi was concerned, that he wasn’t going to like it, at all.
When the noise died away, Isagi continued. “There’s not much to be added now, but given the event and that we’re all gathered here now, I’ve been granted the opportunity to make a big announcement. It’s been settled for a while now, but today seemed like the perfect chance to share with you.”
He addressed the entire audience, yet his gaze settled on Kaiser and remained there.
“I’m happy to announce that I’ll transfer to Bastard München next week.”
Whispers started the second he finished speaking and they grew louder and louder, until the first person clapped, slowly, but set the chain of congratulations off, and the noise turned into an overcharged blur of voices and scooting chairs that drowned out the last words Isagi had to say.
Kaiser didn’t catch any of it. Unmoving, he let the flurry happen around him. In his ears rang static. Loud and mind-numbing it overwrote every logical thought he wanted to form, sobering him up in no time.
Isagi would be coming to Germany. To play on the same side as he did. He would be playing together. They didn’t do that anymore. Those times were long over.
What was he thinking?
He barely noticed a dark-clad figure sitting down in front of him, his focus reappearing when he realized someone was talking to him.
“A nice surprise, isn’t it?” Isagi said, so overly cheery and proud, and still in German. Kaiser wanted to puke.
Even more, he wanted him to take back his decision.
“You’re fucking mental,” Kaiser spat out. He grabbed Isagi by his suit lapel, pulling him close. “I don’t want you there.”
Isagi’s smile wiped, he met him with a taunting expression. “I don’t think that matters."
“You shouldn’t sign.”
“Too late. I already did. Now you’ve gotta deal with it,” Isagi challenged, plucking Kaiser’s hand from his garment, almost intertwining their fingers doing so.
Kaiser winced at the touch and then the scales tipped. So many strings of patience had been plucked since he’d gotten on the plane, drawn taut, and it had taken one final, strong tug for them to snap.
A dozen scenarios of his possible future played out in Kaiser’s mind, where he stood by Isagi’s side, unable to detach himself, a pair made in the clutches of a contract and their careers irreversibly connected. In no time there would be no Isagi and no Kaiser; only them, the Aces of BM, or whatever they’d call them to strip them of their individuality, and Kaiser’s reputation along with it.
“You’re nothing but a problem, causing even more problems!”
Around them, the table had gone quiet at Kaiser’s outburst. Kaiser didn’t care. He wouldn’t be here for the aftermath. His chair fell over when he stood abruptly. He left it on the ground and made his way out of the room.