Archive of Our Own

Raph kept his hand firmly wrapped around Leo’s shoulders, not letting Leo pull away. Not that Leo minded – the cell around them shaking with the eccentric clapping and pounding of audience feet, sounding out in what was supposed to be rhythm, but only left a constant rumble.

Raph’s arm was a comfort, the calm in the eye of the typhoon. Selfishly, Leo wanted to hog all of his strength, all of his calmness, just for himself.

Of course it wouldn’t last, though. Nothing good ever did for Leo— For them.

Big Mama bustled in with three guards, all bigger than Raph, large enough to fill the entirety of the doorway.

“Well, my darling snigglypoos!” She sang, clasping her hands over her chin, beaming down at them as they glared up at her. They refused to budge or rise for her sake. It was almost hilarious the way she had to lift her voice into almost a yell to keep herself heard above the excited audience. “It’s almost time for your round! I hope you wouldn’t mimbly mind waiting another tinsy tiny bit!”

They glared back at her. Neither of them moved.

Big Mama didn’t let that deter her, lowering her hand down to rest on her popped hip to regard them with light eyes, seeing only potential. It made Leo sick. It was the same look the Kraang looked at Leo with in the Prison Dimension, when he realized he was nothing more than a plaything. 

“Remember! Put on a dazzling show! None of that drizzly drab playfighting siblings are known for.”

There was a threat on Leo’s tongue before he even registered it, and he opened his mouth to snap back. Raph just gave him a tired look, a warning.

His eyes locked with a silent plea: Don’t make this worse.

Leo rolled his tongue along the inside of his mouth, poking at his bottom lip and cheeks. The temptation to say something was high, but Raph’s desperation was higher. So he didn’t.

“We’re not going to hurt each other.” Raph told her, the very embodiment of calmness, and oh, Leo envied him. “A playfight is all you’re going to get.”

“Our audience doesn’t pay to watch children play!” Big Mama clicked her tongue. Our audience. Like they were complacent. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to give a real show, if you — or your perpinticular brothers — have any hope of leaving.”

“We’ll figure out another way,” Leo argued, bristling, defensive.

“Undoubtedly you will try, my turtlelyboo!” She reached out to pinch his cheek, but Raph snarled, turning to half-cover Leo and slapping away her hand. Amusement painted her face. “But I ensured every exit is lickedly locked, and checked once, twice, thrice! Not to mention if the rest of your flambiguous family tries to track you four, our steps are covered.”

She smiled down at them, all teeth, no joy. “It will take them quite a bit to find you, and if you don’t behave, I have no problem setting you troublesome two against much worse opponents than each other.”

She spun on her heel, waving dismissively. “You have the choice of only one show, or multiple! Either way, you four can go fimbly free when it’s all said and done. In fact! I’ll even throw you a bone.” She looked over her shoulder. “Just do this one thing for Big Mama, and I’ll never bother your family ever again.”

And then she and the three guards bustled out, leaving Raph and Leo behind in her wake. The door slammed shut, and then the eye cubby was closed, too, dousing them in darkness.

Leo tried to light up, because completely darkness for Raph was the same as being alone, and Leo didn’t–

The Prison Dimension was dark. That was all.

Raph squeezed his shoulder when not even sparks lit the air. The mystic blockers were a threat looming over them; even fueled by their family, a mystic stronger than any other seen in the Hidden City, the devices still had a hold on them.

Big Mama was right; weakened as they were, they wouldn’t be able to find a way to escape without their mystic powers. It didn’t matter how much they trained in the wake of the invasion; when locked in a cage, they were stumped without their ninpo.

And that terrified Leo. It shook him to his core, made him want to curl into a ball and cry, hiding away from the monster that lurked, that wanted to skewer him with all four of its horrible claws.

“Hey, Leo?” Raph asked, and his voice shook. “Are you– are you okay? Is this– am I–” Raph waited for a moment, quiet as he tried to explain, to organize his thoughts. 

Leo felt Raph turn his head to look at him, and though Leo looked back, neither could see each other.

“Are you scared of me?” Raph revealed at long last, grip loosening.

“What?” Leo blinked, keeping his voice as light and confused as possible, because if his face couldn’t translate his bewilderment, everything else had to. He reached up to pat his older brother’s cheek. “No, no, what? Why would I be scared of you?!”

“Because it’s–” Raph paused. “Do you think they have cameras in here?”

“Audio recorders, maybe. But, uh, don’t think cameras can see any better than we can.”

“Great, great.” Raph pulled Leo close again, with great reluctance. He leaned in, mouth barely an inch away from Leo’s ear, voice low. “It’s. It’s the hivemind. I can feel them; they’re getting loud. And I’m… I’m scared.”

Right. Right. The Kraang hivemind. Literally the only reason they were in the Hidden City at all. The only reason they were close enough that Big Mama’s goons could catch them. They had been trying to find a cure for Raph’s corruption, because while it was gone externally, internally it was still a raging battle.

Leo had woken up more than once to Raph glowering over him, hands shaking as the Kraang tried to choke Leo but Raph struggled to hold it back. Dinner had been interrupted at least once a week due to the Kraang issuing a proclamation through Raph’s mouth.

So yeah. They weren’t truly in danger, because Raph was stronger than them. He could hold them at bay for long enough that no danger would befall his brothers, that they could escape or get ready.

It was still terrifying, though. He still needed a cure.

And here they were, sitting in the dark, as the hivemind raged in Raph’s head, where the cameras wouldn’t catch it if Raph lost control. 

But was Leo scared? No. No, not really. Not of Raph, at least. After all, his big brother hadn’t lost control yet. The only thing holding Leo back was his own trauma from his time in the Prison Dimension. It was the only reason he was shaking in this shell.

Because he was expecting the Kraang to creep out of the darkness. But not out of Raph. That wasn’t even a factor in Leo’s brain.

But. But maybe it should be.

“I’m not scared,” Leo announced before he could dwell on that further. He would. Later. When Raph wasn’t shaking and terrified and expecting the worst. Raph was strong when Leo wasn’t, and likewise, when Raph wasn’t strong, Leo was. “Don’t worry, big Raphie. We’re going to get out of this, no problem.”

There was more confidence in his words than Leo really felt, but that was okay. Anything to sell the illusion.

“How?” Raph begged, and his voice rose from a whisper to a statement, loud and invoking. He no longer cared if Big Mama heard; they had moved past the hivemind and on to the foolish hubris Leo possessed. What else was new? “How are we going to– What are we going to do?!”

“Well, obviously, we’re going to give them a show!” Leo huffed, rolling his eyes even though Raph couldn’t see him.

“How?” Raph demanded once again, voice twinged in desperation. “I’m not– I’m not going to hurt you, Leo!”

Leo was almost offended that Raph was implying that Leo couldn’t hurt him, instead, but he got it. Raph was too big of an opponent, and sometimes size did matter. And somehow, Leo didn’t think either of them would be allowed a weapon.

Which meant it was fists versus fists. Maybe Leo could avoid Raph for a bit, in an all-out fight, but Raph was trained with mad ninja skills, too. Size or not, he could keep up with Leo when it really came down to it. But like Raph said, he wasn’t going to hurt Leo.

Furthermore, Big Mama was right; anything they did to one another would look fake, because it would be fake. It was possible to fake a fight, but that often relied on the position of the audience. And with an audience on all sides, and cameras following every single movement, Leo knew they wouldn’t be able to make it.

There was very little they actually could do, given the parameters.

There was very little Raph could do.

Which brought the hivemind back into the conversation. Was Leo scared of the hivemind? No, absolutely not. Raph would never let anything happen to him. Not willingly, anyway. But there were… other ways of activating it. There were always ways of provoking the Kraang further.

Raph had a firm grasp over his mind, and he wouldn’t slip easily, he wouldn’t let the Kraang surge up without a fight, but it was the only way they’d all make it out of this that Leo could guarantee. Who knew what kind of beasts Big Mama would put them up to. They could be worse than the Kraang – doubtful but possible – or just frankly harder to deal with one-on-one.

At least like this, Leo knew he wasn’t alone. If Raph lost control, it would only take him a few minutes to regain the upper hand. Leo trusted his brother with that at least.

“You’re not going to hurt me,” Leo reassured Raph out loud, patting his arm. “Trust me on this, big brother.”

And please, let Raph forgive him when this was all over.

(:)

Big Mama came and visited them a few minutes before the match, the three guards from before once again standing sentinel. “Are you going to be good boys, and put on a splendiferous show for Big Mama?”

Raph tensed next to Leo, giving him a little jostle. Ah, right. For a moment, Leo lived in a perfect world where Raph was still in charge, and would be the one to talk to Big Mama. But he trusted Leo’s stupid plan, which meant Leo was taking the lead on this one. Especially since Raph didn’t know if the plan meant they had to be separated or not.

“We’ll play your game.” Leo narrowed his eyes. “But when we’re done, that’s it. No double crossing, no altering the deal. We all go free, and none of our family ever fights for you again.”

Big Mama smiled, finger tapping on her jawbone thoughtfully. Her eyes were a wicked shade of yellow, reflected in the half light, beaming down on him. “Are you sure that’s truly what you want? I can make the both of you – the four of you – richer than your wildest dreams! You could have a penthouse, bask in comfort and no longer live on the dimsly dreary surface.”

“Yeah,” Leo snarled. “I’m sure.”

“We all are.” Raph agreed, full heartedly. He may not be leading, but he was backing Leo, every step of the way, and that was good enough. “No more after this. Never again.”

“Hm, you four sure are meddlesome!” Big Mama dismissed with a light shrug. “Boys?” A snap of her fingers, and the guards descended.

One grabbed Leo, two grabbed Raph, yanking them away from each other and back onto their feet, arms held behind their shells. Their grips were tight, and if Leo wasn’t biologically mutated to have tough skin, he was certain he would’ve bruised. As it was now, it was just uncomfortable.

Raph’s expression read much of the same, even narrowed into frustration as it was.

When Raph looked back at Leo, the younger hurriedly schooled his expression into something much more reassuring. Something that said, You can trust me. We’re going to make it out of this. And then, much more loudly, I love you.

“Now, now, don’t go making any plans! We can’t have that, now can we?” Big Mama demanded, grabbing Leo’s chin and yanking his face away so he could no longer look at Raph. The snapper snarled at her, but Big Mama didn’t even flinch, smiling down at Leo with all her teeth.

A year ago, it would’ve been threatening. But Leo had spent months with a monster with many more teeth, bigger and sharper. Teeth that had no bark, only bite.

And yeah, Big Mama was still terrifying, but next to the Kraang, she felt almost laughable.

“Hmm, go ahead and escort them to the vestibules!” Big Mama ordered, and booped Leo on the nose as the guards started to drag Raph out the door. “I will see you in the arena, my darling turtleyboo!”

Big Mama was stepping away before Leo could even begin to try to bite her hand, offering him one last smile as the guard thrust him out of the room after Raph. 

Leo, however, only got a single glance at the back of Raph’s head before he was being shoved in the opposite direction. The guard kept both of Leo’s hands trapped with just one hand, and the other was shoved against the back of Leo’s head, keeping his gaze on the floor.

He briefly wondered if he should fight back briefly, to keep up appearances, but he was terrified that Big Mama would take it as an excuse that he had broken their deal already. So he didn’t. He just kept walking.

Leo was only released once they reached the armory. Or maybe it was a locker room, a dressing room, whatever. Whatever it was, it was the room right before the arena. 

It wasn’t nearly as nice as the actual dressing room he and Master Splinter had been invited into for fittings during their last battle for Big Mama. There were no bright pastels, and no balcony view of the arena down below. It was on ground level, barred from the actual arena by a metal grate with thick bars he couldn’t squeeze between. There was no light except what little filtered through the bars, but even that was cast in the shadows of the low ceiling.

Dull, rusty lockers lined the walls, but they were locked tight. Whatever armor was inside wasn’t for him. The weapons that were hung on the walls looked promising, but Leo knew he couldn’t use any of them without posing a danger to Raph’s body, and thus making it worse for himself.

So instead, he reached for a shield.

“No.” The guard grumbled, grabbing Leo’s hand again. “No weapons.”

“It’s just a shield–”

The guard squeezed, eyes sharpening with a warning.

“Geez, fine.” Leo hissed, twisting his hand towards the guard’s thumb, and wrenching his hand back against his chest. The guard stared at him in surprise, but Leo ignored it to glare bitterly at the gate instead.

So, yeah. There was definitely no way she looked at Raph and Leo and decided that Leo would be fine after hand-to-hand combat, without even a shield. Especially with her warning that it couldn’t be fake. Seriously, how did Master Splinter ever fall for that woman?!

It was pretty obvious that Big Mama wanted Leo out of commission. For what, Leo had no idea. Some master plan, or just because she just plain didn’t like him? Was it out of sheer bitterness?

“You’re on in two minutes.” The guard told Leo, gruff. It was in the same way a stage hand would inform a cast member that their cue was coming up. That it was almost time to enter stage right. In this case, however, Leo figured the yokai would mean “break a leg” a bit more literally.

“Great. Thanks.” Leo nodded, wringing his hands and refusing to look at the guard. His wrist was still sore from being held too tightly. It was annoying. “...Is Raph – the, uh, the big one – getting weapons? Or a shield?”

The guard narrowed his eyes at him. He said absolutely nothing at all.

“Tough crowd. Geez.” Leo lamented, but that was the end of that.

Leo only had a few minutes left of himself. The moment he walked out that door, his whole being was devoted to loosening Raph’s control on the Kraang. Enough to please Big Mama, to get his brothers released. It was going to be a fight for his life.

Raph wouldn’t let the Kraang kill him, of course he wouldn’t, but…

If the Kraang didn’t get him, Raph would. Raph was going to be angry beyond belief at Leo. He was going to either yell at or avoid Leo, and frankly the slider didn’t know which was worse.

But Leo had to do this. It was the only immediate way he could see where they all made it out of this. They all needed to live. Not just exist in Big Mama’s prison. Leo had spent far too long in a prison already. He could spend a bit longer confined to a bed.

Meanwhile, they could spend their time grabbing a cure for Raph. This time, they had the promise that Big Mama wouldn’t straight-up abduct them off the streets. They would know to be careful, to watch their backs.

They would be okay.

“Hey,” Leo said, because he still felt like he had to keep up appearances. “Could I at least get some armor? Like… I dunno, some knee pads?”

A foghorn blew across the stadium, echoing into the locker room. The guard set a heavy hand on his shoulder. “It’s time. Get moving, unless you want “the big one” to go up against a chimera.”

Yeah, okay. Even Big Mama wasn’t pulling her punches.

“What kind of chimera?” Leo asked, but he was already moving towards the gate. He knew he wouldn’t get an answer anyway, and he didn’t want said chimera to actually be released. He didn’t trust Big Mama as far as Mikey could throw her.

The bars rose into the ceiling as Leo approached, like it sensed his arrival. The screaming of the crowds were so much louder now that Leo was next to it and not several hallways away, separated by concrete and metal.

That combined with the lights – that Leo swore got so much brighter, so much more blinding, now that he was actually in the arena – had him cringing backwards, half attempting to back out. But the guard stood behind him, firm and resolute, so Leo started forward again.

The lights made him squint, raising his head and looking around him while his eyes adjusted. How the audience could see anything like this was beyond him, but he supposed they paid the full-day price. They were used to it.

The vividness would catch every splatter of blood, every back arching, every leg snapping from a break. It would catch the saliva, the action, the pain. The viewers would see every moment of it.

Not letting the gladiators get used to the brightness before entering the arena was probably a tactical decision of and in itself. Leo wondered if it was to make the contestants, with their faces screwed up from the effort of trying to see, look much more fierce and determined. Or maybe it was supposed to begin the pain earlier on, the lights stinging his eyes and making them burn.

He hated Big Mama. He hated the Nexus.

“You’ve seen him before,” boomed an announcer’s voice, echoing throughout the arena, “Three time winner of the Battle Nexus! Bringing back Lou Jitsu himself for a one-night special event, this contestant teamed up with our former champion to defeat both the Kraken and the six Gorhanna Goons! Please give it up for the Sly Slider!”

And somehow the applause got even louder.

Regardless of how it banged on his ear drums, Leo plastered a big smile on his face and waved, making himself as big as he could. He didn’t let his face fall from the fear he felt, or the anticipation of what was to come.

He was going to ruin his relationship with Raph. He knew he was. But that was okay. It had to be.

“And now, the one who tricked Big Mama, who survived the death toll against the Troll, the biggest of Lou Jitsu’s sons, the brawler who never stays down, please, put your hands together for the Red Rebel!”

“Rude,” Leo grumbled under his breath as Raph made his way through the gate on the far side of the arena, half rolling his eyes. “I tricked Big Mama, too.” But of course she wouldn’t frame it like that. To the audience, that looked like part of the show.

Raph escaped from Ghost Bear against her will was much more front-and-center.

Leo met Raph’s eyes across the way, offering his big brother a smile that revealed none of his animosity. His big brother had tricked Big Mama, after all. He deserved to be recognized for it.

Raph smiled back, looking utterly relieved to see Leo. Like he had expected Leo to abandon him. Or for Big Mama to trick him. Both options hurt.

The cheering died down as the audience waited for one of them to make the first move. Normally, Leo knew, one of them would already be swinging. If it were anyone else, they’d both be giving their all. But it was each other. So the hesitance lasted long and hard.

How did one even begin?

Raph raised his fists hesitantly, in a boxing position, and Leo mirrored him, as he always did. Yeah. Yeah, mono-on-mono, brother-on-brother, preparing to duke it out. Raph didn’t even know what Leo was planning, but he was still giving his all to help.

Leo loved him for it. He loved Raph so much. He didn’t want to ruin this.

“Never thought I’d ever find us fighting each other again.” Leo said, casually, because he hadn’t. Both against the Kraang, and Raph. He had hoped both fights were over. He had been so excited. He had been so naive. “But I guess it’s just what we do. All good things have to come to an end, y’know?”

He hated how hurt Raph’s expression was. He hated that he was hurting him already, and neither of them had even struck the other yet. But Raph couldn’t know what was happening until Leo had already worn him down. He couldn’t know, or else it wouldn’t work.

Leo swore he could feel Big Mama’s gaze burning into the back of his neck, and right, right. They couldn’t just circle forever, closing in by a tiny bit every dozen steps. Leo at least had to try.

Bring the forefront of Raph’s attention onto him, and not wrangling the Kraang into submission. A physical battle, instead of a mental one. 

Leo dived forward, lunging across the distance between them. There was plenty of time for Raph to see him coming, so Raph easily dodged, feigning left before going right. Leo saw it coming from a mile away, but he let it happen, landing onto the ground and spinning around.

“On second thought,” Leo continued, straightening up and rolling his shoulders. “This is kind of nice. We haven’t had personal time in for-evah~!”

“What are you even talking about?” Raph begged, fists still up as Leo leaped towards him, blocking both of Leo’s kicks and slapping him back with a twist of his forearm. “I– What are you doing?! I thought you–!” He lowered his voice abruptly, eyes wide. “I thought you had a plan!”

“Putting on a show.” Leo murmured, smiling with all his teeth, praying Raph saw the silent plea in his eyes, begging for Raph to trust him.

Raph visibly lowered his guard, shoulders slumping in relief. Which was both good and bad with Big Mama watching. With the audience watching.

Someone screamed for blood.

Raph raised his hands again, narrowing his eyes at Leo. “If you wanted to spar,” he mocked, jeering at him. Relief flooded Leo’s chest. “You could’ve just said something.”

“Oh, come on, big brother!” Leo laughed, rolling his eyes. “I think we both know that a spar won’t settle this! Com’n! No Donnie, no Mikey, no nothing! Let’s go. Let’s go! Unless you don’t think you can do anything to me like this!”

Raph’s brows furrowed, but he ran at Leo anyway, fist coming at him. Leo dodged to the side, fingers brushing up Raph’s wrist. Once his hand reached Raph’s forearm, he grappled in, using his grip to pull himself up onto Raph’s shell. From there, it was two climbing steps to launch himself to Raph’s shoulders.

From there, he wrapped both legs around Raph’s neck, grabbing Raph’s chin and leaning backwards to try and throw Raph off-balance. Raph grunted, stumbling back only a few steps before recovering. Raph leaned forward, successfully cutting off Leo’s attempt.

Leo glanced up at the stands, a bit hopeful, and even from such a great distance, he could see Big Mama’s scowl. The way she was disappointed in the performance. Even as the crowd cheered around them, her approval was nonexistent.

Leo didn’t want to have to do this. He didn’t.

But he did anyway.

“You can’t do anything to me like this.” Leo whispered into Raph’s ear, leaning close so that the microphones hovering around them wouldn’t pick up on it. “You’re trapped in this body, in that prison. I’m out, but you’re still trapped, aren’t you, Ch’rell?”

Raph didn’t even have a chance to startle. The possession was immediate, his slouched position going ramrod straight. His hand reached backwards to grab Leo, and the fear took hold.

Leo scrambled off of Raph, landing on his hands when he hit the ground. He immediately sprung into a series of backflips, trying to get as far away from Raph’s body as he could.

Raph’s body twisted around, so fast that it felt unnatural, but everything about him felt unnatural. Especially the scream his mouth released, and Leo could practically see the tongue elongate into a tentacle, slicing the air.

Leo lifted his own fists in preparation. The fear beat in his heart like a jackrabbit, hammering away at him. But he couldn’t resist letting another smile split his mouth, beaming up at his brother’s face as it marched across the arena towards him. “Aww,” Leo goaded, “Did I make baby sad? A whittle gwumpy?”

 He knew what would happen immediately. It did not surprise him in the slightest when Raph’s body dived forward. In the blink of an eye, Raph was in front of him, knee in his stomach.

The pain spat through Leo’s whole body, sending all the air out of his lungs. His mouth opened, but he couldn’t even scream, gagging in the open air. Raph’s body stepped back and let him collapse into the sand.

Leo rasped into the dirt, choking on the granules as they trickled into his mouth. They sat hard on his tongues, inside his cheeks. He got his hands underneath him, pushing himself up onto shaking knees as he coughed, struggling for air instead of sand.

Raph’s hands found the lip of his shell and his leg, yanking him into the air in one fluid motion. Before Leo could even begin to struggle, Raph threw him, full force, at the arena wall.

Leo had enough time to register the whip of air around him before his carapace slammed into the thick concrete, something cracking behind him. Leo whined as he crumpled back to the ground, barely managing to catch himself before his mouth filled with dirt again, coughing against it.

He couldn’t–

His shell was on fire. His abdomen stung, and he couldn’t breath around the sand filling his throat. He couldn’t– It ached, it ached, he hated this, he hated it, he couldn’t breath, he–

He–

“I– It’s okay, Raph–” Leo gasped into the ground, and he heard it echo through the stadium, the mics and cameras picking up on it. He felt pathetic. He felt so utterly pathetic. He wanted to wallow in his own grief, in his miserable state.

But he couldn’t. Regardless of the lurching pain, toppling through his body, Leo breathed slow and steady. He pushed his hands against the ground and stood on trembling legs. If he couldn’t give a show, this would all be for nothing.“...it’s okay, big brother, you’ve got–”

Raph’s figure was upon him a moment later, knocking the legs straight out from under him with a well-placed kick.

Leo gasped and fell to the ground, but immediately tried to get back up, arms fumbling underneath him. He managed to only get to his knees before Raph’s hand was back on his carapace.

It squeezed so tight that Leo could’ve sworn he felt something pop under the pressure. The burst of agony radiated off of his shell and crept down his spine, flooding into his ribs.

It was all Leo could do to inhale a sharp breath, preparing to be thrown again. He didn’t realize how close they were to the wall until his face was shoved against it. His beak and muzzle ripped and frayed and it ached, it ached–

Leo twisted his head against it, cheek taking the brunt of it. It ached, it burned, and Leo wailed past it. Leo cried out, and it pulled at his lips, splitting him more and more open. A Joker-smile, torn across his face.

He was dropped. His face hit the ground, and sand soaked into his injuries. Leo gasped, staring at the corner of the wall. His ears roared, but he couldn’t tell if it was the blood or the crowd.

Shell, he had an audience this time, shell, shell–

“Are you still feeling brave, little wretch?” Raph’s voice rang out, lowered into a crude impersonation of the elder Kraang. “Or have you finally accepted your demise?”

“Breathe, Raph,” Leo begged, and his voice came out funny around the tears on his mouth. It hurt. It hurt so bad. “You just– You gotta breathe, and it’ll be… It’ll be okay…”

Raph’s body rolled him over onto his back, the snapper’s eyes flaring wide and wild. “You miserable runt!” He snarled. “Don’t you think you should be taking your own advice?!”

“Wha-?” Leo asked, but it was stupid of him, because the next thing he knew, Raph’s fingers were plunging into his throat, right below his Adam's apple. Leo gasped into the air, unable to inhale, unable to breathe.

There was nothing. There was nothing. He was nothing. Raph was never going to forgive him. He was going to die here, and he couldn’t stop it. He was doing this to himself. He was pathetic. He was so pathetic.

“Goodbye, pest.” Raph’s mouth bid, climbing on top of Leo, the entirety of his weight setting on Leo’s chest.

His fists raised.

Leo managed only to blink before the first blow struck. His head snapped to the side. The other fist came down. His head snapped to the other side.

Another. Another.

He couldn’t think, his head swam. He rasped at the ceiling, at Raph’s face.

He had done this. He had done this again. He never stopped doing this. He had nobody to blame but his own stupidity. It was his fault. It was his fault.

Raph’s fists bunched into one, lifting high about Leo.

Where had he seen this scene before?

Ah, right, the Prison Dimension. But this time there was no photograph between his fingers. Just a brother he had violated. Just a demon using a body for its own means.

Leo was an idiot. He was such an idiot.

Those fists came down. Leo inhaled, sharply, leaning back and squeezing his eyes shut. All his energy went into bracing for the blow, and–

The impact never came. It remained somewhere in the air, hovering somewhere just out of reach. Leo lay there with the anticipation for far much longer than he probably should’ve, waiting, waiting.

It was only when his lungs burned from the need to exhale that he peeked his eyes open, terrified of what he’d see.

Raph’s hands were frozen, hovering over him, shaking, his snapper’s eyes blown wide and terrified. Raph was back in control.

He leaned his head back as his big brother shook, trying to get the Kraang out of his hands, but Leo knew he would. Raph was always so good at this kind of thing.

Leo stared at the ceiling and panted helplessly, relieved. It was over. He was safe.

(:)

Raph stared down at Leo’s prone form, horrified by what his body had done. The Kraang prickled in his fingers like static electricity. All three Kraang roared in his brain, fighting against his grip, but Raph couldn’t let go. It squirmed against his brain, it fought him like a sharp knife, and it was agony, but if he relaxed, for even a moment, they would take the opportunity to snap Leo’s neck, and—!

Raph breathed slow and steady. He couldn’t let the Kraang seize control again, even if they ripped his brain apart to do it.

He was still sitting on Leo, crushing his tiny, tiny chest. He shifted his weight off, rolling onto the sand, collapsing onto his back. He squeezed his shaking hands, still balled into fists, to his chest. Inside his mind, the Kraang wailed and screeched at his disrespect, but though they raged, their presence on his mind slipped off into the abyss.

Raph breathed a sigh of relief, and then the full weight of everything came crashing down.

Shell. Shell, Leo had done this on purpose!

He had been talking to the Kraang this whole time, wasn’t he? Who was Raph kidding; of course he was. He had drawn him out, he had broken down Raph’s defenses, and Raph hadn’t even realized—

But Raph didn’t have time to feel sorry for himself. Not when Leo was laying beside him, crumpled and shattered, the breaths he wheezed out rattling his entire form. Not when he squeaked with each inhale.

“Oh my gosh,” Raph cried, rolling back onto his shoulder and scrambling over to his little brother’s side. “Oh my gosh, Leo, are you—?” He pressed his hand on Leo’s chest, feeling the way he breathed. It wasn’t steady at all. His brother definitely had a broken rib or— or a punctured lung, and that was Raph’s fault, that was Raph. “Why would you do that?!”

Leo laughed. He laughed at Raph. The absolute audacity—! But the karma got him immediately, because he burst into a coughing fit. “Hey…! Hey, big bro…! Worked, didn’t it?”

“What is wrong with you?” Raph begged, choking around the sob, bubbling up in his throat. “Why are you… What the shell, Leo?!”

“Hey,” Leo wheezed, sobering up. “It’s okay, it’s… Incoming.”

That was all the warning Raph got before Big Mama’s hand was on his wrist, tugging him away from Leo. Raph didn’t get the chance to pull away, the spider yokai lifting his hand high in the air. He almost had to stand on his toes to avoid being dangled.

Around them, the crowd went wild.

Raph felt sick. He had forgotten he had an audience. The Kraang in his mind returned his horror with absolute glee. Of course they did; they enjoyed being seen, being observed. They found it funny. They found it funny to use Raph’s body in such a way, to urge him to kill his brother, and they liked it when all the world saw his struggle.

They were as twisted as they came. And Raph’s own hands had followed their commands. Again.

“Behold!” Big Mama boomed, smiling out at the crowd. “The winner of our teensy eensy brawl! By quite a bittily bit! The Red Rebel!” She beamed down at him, barely paying any mind to his horrified expression.

Dropping his hand, Big Mama reverted back to her human form, clapping her hands with excitement. “Well, now! You’ve certainly made Big Mama proud!” She reached out a hand, grasping Raph’s shoulders and trying to twist him away. “We must discuss your victory! Come along!”

Raph smacked her hand away, lips drawn into a snarl. Over her shoulder, he could see two guards approaching Leo’s prone form, and his heart rate spiked. “Leave him alone!” He demanded, stomping past Big Mama and towards the guards.

Big Mama grabbed his arm again, stopping him just long enough to tsk at him. “My, what a fit!” She goaded. “Do not worry, we’re taking him to get those grevious wounds taken care of~! You still have a show to put on, so unless you want him to battle five other goons…”

“You wouldn’t!” Raph snarled, but already was imagining his brother, courageous until his last breath, shoved before a hydra, torn limb from limb when all he could do was scream.

“Don’t tiddily test me.” Big Mama smiled, baring her teeth at him. For a moment, they looked more spider than human, and Raph’s heart dropped straight to his feet.

She would. She would do that to Leo. She ran a gladiator pit. The modern-day roman colosseum. Of course she would do that.

Raph let himself be led away, an obedient puppet once again. He just prayed that Leo would be taken care of, and turning his back on his brother wasn’t resigning him to another match.

Big Mama led him all the way up to her office, leaving behind the cheering, departing from the part of the hotel that was Hidden City and heading all the way up to the surface.

The office window behind her perfectly displayed the New York skyline, and every bone in Raph’s body longed to burst past her and run across the rooftops, as far as he could go. The more primal state of him longed for escape, even knowing that leaving his brothers behind would do more harm than good. A feral thought to spur his feral reality.

“Now, I am certain you wish to know what I wish to discuss” Big Mama hummed, folding her hands before her chin, staring at him from over her sparkling gold nails. “And do not fret, I do not intend to keep you long!”

“Get on with it.”

“Oh, my my! That is no way to speak to Big Mama, now is it?” She tapped her fingers together, watching him with quirked lips that shattered his heart.

He wasn’t good with all this negotiation talk. Raph was the smashy-guy. All he needed was for someone to point, and he was all in. The Kraang pointed, and Raph had smashed his little brother to pieces.

Leo should be here instead. He would know how to handle this.

“What I'm proposing is quite simple!” Big Mama advertised, the lenses of her glasses reflecting the dim light. It gave her a villainous sparkle that made Raph want to hurl. “You proposed real valour on that battlefield! What talent, what pizazz! I would like you to fight for me full time, turtleyboo!”

She paused just long enough for Raph to start to process her words, and then forged on before he could argue. “Just think; you would be my right hand man, the radiant Red Rebel! Or, ooh! You could possibly pick your own stage name! What are you thinking? Something lustrous? Something dreary? Tell Big Mama your dark heart’s deepest desire!”

“No, I’m not going to–!” Stop. Raphael took a heaving breath, and reminded himself there was always more to these types of deals than a simple yes or no. Big Mama wanted him to do this for a reason, which meant she would stop at nothing to get him on board. He needed to know the cons to disagreeing first. “If I say no, what are you going to do?”

“Oh my, you think so poorly of me!” Big Mama practically mourned, but she still did so with a big smile on her face.

Knife in Raph’s chest, it felt like something Leo would do. It was something Leo had done before.

“Nothing I would do is quite as bad as what you’re thinking, I’m sure. I would simply command the doctors working on the dear bibbly blue to stop helping him.”

“Don’t hurt him!” Raph demanded, taking a step forward. He summoned all his confidence into his chest, drawing himself as big as possible. He was a mama bear, protecting her cub. He was a cat, defending his fresh kill. He would not allow Big Mama to steal his baby brother away.

“No hurting would happen. All medical aid would simply come to a standstill! All four of you would be free to go! No chains, no loops, no false promises! You have my word!” Big Mama promised, three fingers up like a boy scout.

“Or.” She tempted. “We can nurse your brother back to health. You would earn fame, fortune, and we would take care of you four, no matter what harm befalls you, from where! You could even invite your flusterdous father along, too!” She slid her fingers together in a display, clasping hands together tight like a hug. “One big happy family!”

“How hurt is Leo?”

“Oh, I don’t know, my dear! I saw what you did to him, but I was too preorderly preoccupied with you to do anything about it! Rest assured, he’s being taken care of by our best. If he is on death’s dasterdly door, he will hippidly hop his way out of it in no time!” She sprang her fingers through the air, mimicking running, before giggling to herself.

This was so sick and twisted of her. Raph didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to fix this. His brother was hurt, and Raph didn’t know if ending the medical treatment would put him in more danger or less.

Would Leo remain, suspended in a limbo, or would he be cast to hell?

What if Raph disagreed, but Leo was in surgery, and it was stopped with Leo’s heart still out in the open? What if they didn’t stitch him back up, what if Leo was stripped bare for the world to see? What would Raph do then, what would he–?!

He wished Leo were here. He wanted it so bad.

Raph… he tended to choke during big moments. Leo’s safety was on the line, and he was choking. It would be so easy to just… let something else drive for a bit. Let himself relax, and–

What was wrong with him?!

Raph snapped back into himself, clenching his fists and giving them a shake to ground himself. Whatever grip the Kraang had managed to claim on his mind slithered away into nothing. He would not give them the inch to their mile. Raph would not let himself be used to hurt Leo again. He wouldn’t.

“I’m leaving. With all of my brothers.” Raph snarled, slamming his hands down on the table. With his fangs exposed and all his weight bearing down upon her, he knew he made for a threatening sight.

But Big Mama didn’t even flinch. She just shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. She redirected the movement down to grab a bundle of papers off the desk before her, drumming them in front of her importantly to file them back into shape. “Very well, if you insist. Kimber, please escort darling Raphael to the other turtleyboos~!”

Raph recoiled back at the sudden hand on his shoulder, twisting around to face the brown ocelot yokai behind him. Kimber stared at him with an unimpressed expression, waiting for him to relax enough for her to set her hand on his shoulder again.

He followed her out limply, ignoring Big Mama’s cheery “Toodaloo~!”

The journey down to the infirmary was pretty short, but for a majority of the time, Raph could hear the pounding of the audience echo through the hallways. They were already having another fight? These poor people. Raph wanted to save them all.

But Leo was more important. He was always more important.

The cheering wasn’t even deafened in the face of the infirmary. It was just as loud, if not louder, mocking the patients with the noise of their defeat.

Kimber led Raph straight to the back of the infirmary, where Leo was divided from the rest of the patients by a thin curtain, doctors hurrying around him, splinting his leg, adding fluids into his wrist. They hadn’t stopped helping him yet. And maybe if Raph just waited a bit longer, they would keep taking care of him until–

Kimber shoved past him, snarling at him with sharp green eyes that peered into his soul. 

The noise was enough for the doctors to look up, and then immediately start cleaning up, scooping up their equipment, unplugging the IVs and heartbeat monitors and stacking them onto a cart.

Raph knew it was coming. A stone sat in his throat anyway.

Leo looked so small in the bed. He had looked even smaller immediately after the Prison Dimension, even as swollen as he had been. He had been plugged up to a dozen tubes, breathing through a mask, hardly able to move. And yet he was still so tiny.

Instead of it only partially being Raph’s fault, tentacles around Leo’s throat and crushing it, this was completely on him. Raph had done this. He had torn his baby brother apart. His face, his precious, beautiful face, was all ripped apart. His shell was cracked. Again.

Raph did this, he did this, he did this.

His poor brother–

Leo’s eyes slid open as the last doctor left the area, exhaling slowly. It sounded like relief. And here Raph was, about to shatter that peace. 

Leo’s turned his head slightly, enough to catch a glimpse of Raph. And for some stupid reason, immediately burst his cheeks even further with a big smile. His mouth was bleeding. Raph rushed to grab a towel, but froze before he was able to begin dabbing at his brother’s mouth.

He didn’t want to get too close to Leo. He didn't want to risk the wriggling mass in his mind getting free again. The part of him that was delighted to see Leo so broken, bruised, and blue was terrifying, because it wasn’t him at all.

“Here.” Raph said, lamely, dropping the towel on Leo’s chest, and backed up. “Why don’t you clean up, and we’ll go get Donnie and Mikey.”

Raph pretended he didn’t notice Leo fumble for the towel as he struggled to a sitting position. He pretended he didn’t hear the whine Leo released, unbidden, as he pressed the towel to his lips.

Leo’s actions had hurt both himself and Raph. But Raph had hurt Leo, too.

Leo might have been the one to stab himself, but Raph had grabbed that knife and twisted it further in.

“Are Donnie and Mikey okay?” Raph asked Kimber to distract himself, turning his back fully on Leo. “Have they had to fight yet?”

Kimber glared at him for a long moment. Her voice was stiff when she finally said, “They’re fine. They haven’t left their cell.”

Raph huffed out a breath of relief, closing his eyes as at least that stress was lifted from him. But where one problem was removed, another took its place. That was evident from the soft thump that came from Leo’s feet hitting the ground.

Raph gestured for Kimber to lead the way to their brothers, and she pivoted on her heel, angry tail lashing, as she strode away from them. Raph barely sent his own glance back at Leo, just to make sure he was paying attention, and then set off on his own. Leo’s footsteps echoed after his, hurrying after.

When Raph snuck a peek a few minutes later, Leo had discarded the towel, leaving his face still bleeding, albeit slower. He looked exhausted, but when didn’t he, insomniac that he was? Raph turned away before Leo could catch him looking.

They turned to go down another hallway, a straight shot to an elevator, before Raph next checked over his shoulder.

Leo was lagging far behind, still coming down the last hall. Every step Raph took meant that Leo fell another two behind. Not on purpose, either; Raph could see his struggle. He could see how clearly Leo was trying to keep up. Every step was a limp, every breath was far too fragile.

Raph had felt the crunch of bones beneath his hands when he beat Leo in. He knew how many bones Leo had broken in his body, and yet here Raph was, forcing him to walk. His legs were fine, sure, but that was no excuse.

“Wait up.” Raph ordered Kimber, ignoring the disgusted look she cast at him, doubling back to his baby brother.

Leo looked up as Raph’s shadow fell over him. His head listed backwards, at the attempt to stare up, and it only took a beat for his eyes to slide right past, unable to remain focused on Raph. He was shaking. Not out of fear, but from the effort it took to even walk.

His baby brother was half-dead, and Raph had forced him to follow after them, like some mistreated dog.

Even when Raph was in control of his body, he hurt Leo. And the slider hadn’t even argued back. Could Leo argue back? Could he even speak? Raph thought he had talked a little immediately after being beaten, but had Raph been imagining that? A sick image he had conjured up to comfort himself?

Raph didn’t allow himself to dwell on that. Instead, he stooped down, bundling Leo up in his arms. Leo tensed as he was lifted, but relaxed just as quickly, tipping his head against Raph’s bicep.

It hurt. It hurt so bad that Leo was hurt. Raph felt it in his own chest; Leo’s pain was his. And he didn’t know how to make it go away.

“Sorry,” Leo wheezed out, gasping from the effort it clearly took him. “I’m so sorry, I– I’m sorry.”
“Don’t… Don’t worry about it.” Raph told him, careful not to make it obvious that they would be talking about it later. But of course Leo could read him like a book, because his brother deflated in his arms, and not in a good way at all. He pressed his muzzle against Leo’s tiny forehead. “Hey, we’re okay. We’re okay.”

Leo wrapped a hand clumsily around the back of Raph’s neck. It hit Raph at least three times in the process of getting up there, Leo’s precision completely out of whack. His chest heaved. “Sorry…”

“Let’s just go get Donnie and Mikey, okay?” Raph begged, turning to hurry after Kimber and trying to ignore Leo’s whine of pain. “Then we’ll go home and– And we’ll take care of you, yeah?”

Leo didn’t respond. When Raph looked down, he couldn’t tell if his brother was awake or not, eyes squished closed and still wracking with tense tremors that stabbed into Raph’s heart again and again and again.  

Faster they were back with Donnie and Mikey, the faster they could get out of here, and the better it would be for everyone.

(:)

Kimber unlocked the cell door, the guards on either side of it shuffling away to give her, Raph, and Leo room.

At some point during the walk, Leo had stopped shaking so much, and Raph spent every few minutes checking his pulse. While it remained steady, it didn’t completely abate Raph’s fear. In fact, as he stood and waited for Kimber to get the lock open, Raph found himself feeling at Leo’s wrist again. 

His little brother was still alive. His heartbeat maintained the same rhythm it always had. Leo wasn’t dying, he was just… He was just hurt. That was all.

Kimber unlocked the door, sliding it open and taking a step back so that Raph could go in instead. Raph’s chest squeezed as he walked past her, the fear that she would slam the door behind and lock it again great. The urge to see his brothers again was greater.

Donnie and Mikey were curled around each other in the furthest corner of the room, facing the door. Their teeth were drawn together with matching snarls, the two of them squinting in the half-light. At the sight of Raph, all tension evaporated from their shoulders.

His baby brothers lunged forward, practically tripping over each other to join him in the light, still blinking heavily.

Raph laughed breathlessly, unable to resist tucking his free hand behind each of their necks – Mikey first, and then Donnie – laying a kiss to each one of their foreheads.

“It’s okay,” he told them, lingering just long enough to press his forehead against Donnie’s, and then pulling away fully. “I’m here, and we’re…” He checked behind him to make sure the door was still open, and then smiled at them. “We’re going to get out of here.”

“Good.” Donnie nodded, firm, hissing again at one of the guards when they peeked in. “I don’t want to be in this stupid sensory-depriving hell of a cell.”

“Wait, wait,” Mikey interrupted, eyes shooting wide open as they finally adjusted, pointing at Leo. “What– What happened?! What’s wrong with Leo?!”

Raph’s heart thudded in his chest so loudly that it filled his ears. “Big Mama had us fight for our freedom,” he confessed, but couldn’t hear a word he said, muffled by the roar of his pulse. “And Leo got… he got hurt. Bad.”

Donnie’s mouth moved, eyebrows knitting together tight and furious. Raph didn’t know what he said, and so didn’t answer, focusing on getting his breathing under control.

Donnie’s lips moved again, and this time Raph caught the last word– “...him?”

Donnie’s expression somehow got even angrier as Raph limply shook his head, trying to communicate that he didn’t know what was being asked. He didn’t think Donnie got it, since his brother marched the three steps between them to grab the spikes of his plastron and yank him down to his level. 

“Raphael! Who. Hurt. Him.” Donnie snarled, voice finally breaking through the fog as he gave Raph a shake. His grip trembled almost as much as Leo’s. Hysterically, Raph thought that huh, they really were twins.

“I d–” Raph swallowed heavily. His little brother carried so much murder in his eyes. It hurt to even have that gaze locked on him, even if it wasn’t directed at him. He wouldn’t be able to bear the hate if he was honest.

Instead, Raph took a deep breath, and he lied. “I don’t know.”

He could’ve heard a pin drop in the resulting silence. Donnie was still shaking, but his attention dropped to Leo’s frail, beaten body. Mikey had stopped breathing entirely, staring at the middle distance. 

And there was Raph, lying to their faces, praying they wouldn’t hurt him for what he had done to their brother. 

“Let’s just go home,” Raph urged, desperately, watching them numbly begin urging themselves to follow him. Donnie’s hands dropped, and Mikey was dragging his feet across the floor as he started after.

All of Donnie’s bitter resentment came back full-force the moment they were out and in view of the guards. His furious glare welded its way into his face, and with hunched up shoulders, he demanded, “You! You… Who hurt my brother?!”

All three yokai just stared back at him.

Raph’s chest constricted, and every inch of him ached. He wanted to explode into tears. Okay, yeah, he lied. He didn’t want Donnie to know. He didn’t want Mikey to know. And they would figure it out eventually; of course they would.

But not yet. Not from just the guards. Let them be at home, where Raph could run and escape, where he could leave Leo behind and know he would be safe. Not here, not here.

“Really?!” Donnie snapped, breaking Raph away from his scalding fear. “You’re not even going to answer me?! You can’t ignore me! Who hurt Leo?!”

“Come along.” Kimber said, shortly, turning her back on the brothers, and starting off, tail lashing with annoyance.

“Oh, heck no,” Donnie hissed, reaching out to grab one of the guards’ shoulders, who was a beetle, completely ignoring Kimber. “You! You look like you have no backbone, so why don’t you tell me what happened to my brother?”

The other guard snatched Donnie’s arm, yanking it behind his back.

Donnie screeched, not from pain but of pure frustration, but Raph pounded up to the guard anyway, Mikey following close behind.

“Let him go.” Raph demanded, growling at the yokai. The yokai was barely taller than Raph was, but Raph still tried to give the impression of towering over him, rolling his shoulders back and squaring himself up.

“We’re not here to entertain you children.” The guard hissed, mostly to Donnie, but flicked his eyes over to Raph, too. “It is time for you four to leave and nurse your wounds. Unless, that is, you want to stay and fight in the Battle Nexus more.”

There was a wicked gleam to the beetle yokai’s eyes, pacing up next to his counterpart. “We weren’t able to see the fight earlier,” the beetle yokai put in, smiling big and wide. “Seeing a body is nowhere near as entertaining as seeing the fight itself!”

Raph absently felt for Leo’s pulse again.

“Ha!” The beetle yokai continued. “I can’t wait to find out what happened to–!”

“Zenith, Toddle!” Kimber hissed, marching back up to them, and pressed a hand to the chest of the guard that was still keeping Donnie trapped. She shoved him back from Donnie, fur rippling and making her look twice as big as she actually was. For a brief moment, Raph was jealous. “You have completed your job. It is now my responsibility to take them away. Will you put yourself in danger?”

The yokai glowered at her, but backed up and grumbled together for a moment. Finally, they gave up and marched away, leaving the turtles and ocelot in their wake.

Raph swallowed, heart still pounding in his chest. “...thank you.”

“Come along.” Kimber said once again, this time punctuating her words with a gesture before pivoting on her heel.

Donnie growled, rubbing his wrist angrily, glaring after the guards.

“Com’n, Donald,” Mikey sighed, wrapping his arm around Donnie’s. “Let’s go. I want to kill them, too, but we could probably find the Nexus fight later. Right now, Leo’s our priority, y’know?”

Ah. Right. They probably could find Leo’s battle. Raph would bet anything that Big Mama would use it for prosperity for the next week at least. Two brothers, going against one another, and there was no contest, because once one of them began, it just never stopped.

Raph swallowed, and didn’t say a word as all three followed after Kimber. Forgive me, Leo, Raph begged his little brother, peering down at the slider. Leo’s chest rose and fell. Forgive me, forgive me.

(:)

It felt like far too long, but also way too short, before they got to the front doors of the Nexus.

It took everything Raph had not to burst out the door immediately, but to his amusement, Mikey had no such reservations. His youngest brother broke into a run and broke out from between the automatic doors, shooting his hands into the air.

“Freedom!” Mikey yelled, fists in the air.

Kimber sighed, heading over to behind the counter to bring out a long, long chest. The bellhop moved a bit back to allow her room to flip it open. Raph’s curiosity got the better of him, and he inched over to her side, curious. Donnie followed him, a bit more hesitantly.

Oh. Right, their weapons. Raph had forgotten about those.

“Ah, my sweet!” Donnie wailed, pulling out his wooden bow and squeezing it against his cheek. Clearly he had not forgotten his weapon. “How I have missed thee! Thy touch is beautiful and kind, smooth where thou face is calloused and hard!”

Raph pulled out his own sais and put them away, before moving on to Leo’s katanas. He held them awkwardly in one hand before Donnie noticed his state and put away his own bow staff. Then Donnie hurried to help Raph prop Leo’s body up to slide the katanas into place and adjust his hold so that Raph wouldn’t be cut.

Raph secretly thought he’d deserve it if he was.

Mikey came to see what they were focused on, and scooped up his own nunchucks quickly, clipping them onto his belt.

From there, Donnie summoned the turtle tank to drive to their location, the four of them moving to the outside sidewalk to wait. It was daytime, but all four of them didn’t care a lick, not wanting to be under the roof of the Nexus Hotel for longer than necessary.

Ironically funny, wasn’t it, that Raph almost got Leo killed twice here? Once when his inaction led to Draxum throwing him off the roof, and again today. Once from not listening to Leo, and again from listening to Leo. There was really no right answer, was there?

“This sucks.” Mikey whined, quiet. “I mean, Donnie and I were able to get out of there, like, no problem. Because we didn’t even go anywhere. We just… we just sat there! But then…You guys had to… And Leo’s hurt, again! Why’s it always Leo getting hurt now? Why does it have to be him?!”

“I don’t know, Mikey.” Donnie said, sounding resigned and tired, wrapping his own arm around Mikey’s shoulders. He tugged him in close. “I just don’t know.”

“Leo doesn’t deserve this.” Raph said, hating how his voice shook. He sounded so guilty. “He doesn't…I don’t know. It feels like…” He swallowed, not wanting to say anything at all. Over and over, in his mind, played the words he didn’t dare say. It feels like Leo did this on purpose.

It felt that way because it was true.

Leo had called the Kraang by name to draw him out. Raph never even learned the alien’s name, and he was stuck in a hivemind with him! And yet there Leo was. Even beaten down, even barely able to rise himself onto his elbows, he had been talking to Raph, promising him that everything would be okay.

Leo was, ultimately, a liar.

(:)

Everything felt funny and to the left. Leo knew that much before he even opened his eyes, and when he did, the whole ceiling swam in front of his eyes. He recognized where he was from the ceiling alone; funny what spending months staring up at the same thing would do to you.

He took a breath, and it went in easily. It still rattled his lungs, so there was damage there, but at least he wasn’t wearing an oxygen mask this time around.

The relief that came with that realization was palpable.

Leo got his elbows underneath him, wincing at how his muscles ached with the movement, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it used to be. It still left him breathless by the time he made it so that he was fully sitting up, chest erupting with flames that left him coughing.

“Woah, okay, maybe you should lay back down.” Raph chastised, seeming to spawn next to Leo, hands hovering around him but not touching. Of course they didn’t; Leo had broken him.

“Where’d you—?!” Leo balked, and then was interrupted by more coughs, tucking down around himself, shoulders trembling from the effort.

“I’ve been— Waiting. For a few hours.” Raph told him, nervous, awkwardly floundering around him. “I really think you should lay back down!”

Leo stubbornly remained upright. Both because it would be harder to cough lying down, and because he wanted to hold a conversation with Raph, and he knew his brother would refuse to talk if he thought there was the barest chance Leo was going to pass out. Raph had been waiting for him to wake up for hours, but if he could help it, he would still wait a bit longer and drown himself in his own guilt.

And Raph asked where Leo had got it from.

“I’m okay,” Leo promised as soon as he could breathe again.

“You’re not!” Raph practically wailed, and Leo winced at the volume. “You’re not okay, and it’s all because I—!” His voice lowered abruptly, and he turned a terrified look towards the door. “I hurt you. Half your ribs are broken because of me, and this— This is my fault, this is all my fault.”

As Raph crumbled into Leo’s lap, hands squeezed Leo’s forearms, Leo rested his hands on the lip of Raph’s carapace. Sorrow jumped into Leo’s throat, regret rearing its ugly head. It had been the quickest, best way to get them all out of harm's way. But they were still hurt. Leo couldn’t protect them from everything; he knew that and went through with the plan anyway.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

“Why are you like this?” Raph begged, fingers starting to dig in, but they didn’t hurt. Not to Leo. “Why did you make me do that?! I— I trusted you, but all you did was just— I hurt you, and I didn’t want to! Leo, why did you— How—”

Leo’s heart squeezed, and he made sure to increase the pressure on Raph’s shell, trying to be as reassuring as possible. “No, Raph… You didn’t hurt me. You didn’t do anything. It was him, and it was me.”

“It was my fault! I couldn’t hold him back, I—!”

“You lost control because of me.” Leo argued, firmly, and though he didn’t want to, he felt himself glaring down at Raph. He knew Raph would blame himself, but he thought Raph would give up quickly. More quickly than this, anyway. Deep down, Raph knew it wasn't his fault, didn’t he?

Leo continued, “I know how to rile the guy up. I know how to provoke him. Raph, you losing control… I made you do that, on purpose, so that he could get me again.”

“Why?!”

“It was the quickest way to save us, Raph. It was the safest way. I knew you wouldn’t let him kill me. I knew you’d protect me. You just needed some time.”

Raph lifted his head to stare at Leo. Leo forced all of his confidence into his face, staring back evenly. He breathed, and ignored how it felt like his lungs scraped against his ribs. 

“We could’ve figured something else out!” Raph insisted, giving Leo a firm shake that jostled everything and left him wheezing for breath. “We’re– We’re supposed to work together on stuff! You can’t just veto every boundary we have because it would be quicker, you gotta communicate! You have to talk to me about these things!”

“Raph, com’n.” Leo scolded, trying not to sound as heartbroken as he felt. Because this meant Raph didn’t trust him, and if he didn’t trust him, how could Raph possibly love him? Trust and love went hand in hand. 

Leo had already gotten a taste of being branded as untrustworthy, and it had gutted him to the core. He thought they had moved past that. He thought, after the Shredder, Raph trusted him. He thought that after Raph held him in his shaking arms after the Kraang and told him that he was proud that it meant they were on good standing.

Leo had taken care of them. Leo had protected them. Sure, it was at the cost of himself, but that was good, right? Selfless. Why was Raph looking at him with so much anger?

“I took care of you all,” Leo tried, desperate to ease the hate away from his big brother’s face. “You all got out safe because– Donnie and Mikey are safe, right? They’re okay?”

“Of course they’re fine!” Raph scoffed, bristling as if Leo was the idiot here. Which, yeah, he was, but that was rude anyway. “Big Mama released us after, and– Okay, fine, whatever, your plan worked, but that didn’t make it okay, Leo!”

“You handled it fine.” Leo argued, even as all his resolve gave way to bitter resignation. He did this to himself. Raph was right. Of course Raph was right; he had trusted Leo with his brothers’ safety, and Leo was included in that. Even if he didn’t fully get why.

Raph saw it happen; he must’ve, for he took Leo’s hands in his, unbelievably tender again. With those crushing, punishing hands, he held Leo gentle and tight. It didn't hurt at all. “This isn’t about that, Leo. This is… This is beyond that. Because you got hurt.”

“It wasn't your fault.” Leo tried, heart straining in his chest.

“Who cares?!” Raph snapped, with just enough true anger that for a brief, hysterical moment Leo wondered if it was Raph at all.

He must’ve flinched, because Raph immediately calmed down, humming out a tired sigh. Raph brushed the back of his wrist across the top of Leo’s head and down to his temple, looking tired, his eye bags making his entire face look shrunken in. It couldn’t have just been a few hours. It had to have been longer for Raph to look so absolutely exhausted.

“It’s not about who’s fault it is.” Raph explained, broken. “It’s not even that it happened on my watch, or– Or anything you’re thinking of Leo! It’s that it happened at all. It’s that you got hurt. Half your ribs are broken! Your lung’s bruised, your face is split so badly that– Don’t you feel it?!”

Leo felt it. He felt the strain on his face, on his chest, on his entire body. He still felt like a mountain was sitting on him, crushing him. But it wasn’t nearly as bad as the Prison Dimension had been, even at its best. Leo could still move around, he could touch his brothers, and that was incredible.

“You got hurt,” Raph repeated, and drew away completely to bury his face in his hands, collapsing back into the chair he had been in when Leo awoke. “And I can– I can feel it. In here,” he pounded his chest. “And it– It… It stings, Leo!”

“Raph…”

“You’re hurt, Leo, and I feel it like… Like I got hurt too! And it’s not just because I was the one to… I feel it because you’re my brother. And I’m supposed to protect you.” Raph cradled his hands on his lap, looking at Leo with huge eyes that said too much, and yet, not enough. “I’m hurt because you’re hurt. It doesn’t matter who or what hurts you, it doesn’t matter if I was there or not. Because your pain is mine. We share, we share.”

Share the pain. Yeah. Yeah, of course Raph would say that. That was rich coming from Raph, actually. Absolutely rich. Leo wanted to grab his scalp and tear out his nonexisting hair. Raph was acting like he was the victim here, like Leo–

…except Raph was the victim. Leo had violated him. He had crawled into his big brother’s mind and ripped him apart. He had helped a parasitic demon take over Raph’s functions, and made him a prisoner in his own body.

And they shared the pain. That made sense. That made perfect sense.

“Raph,” Leo coaxed, holding out his arm towards his big brother. “Come here.”

Raph was on his feet and burrowing himself into Leo instantly. Maybe Raph did trust Leo, maybe he did, if he still let Leo touch him. Which honestly hurt worse than anything, because Leo was about to shatter what little trust Raph had in him all over again.

Wrapping his arms around Raph’s neck, Leo pressed his face to Raph’s ear. He searched for that instinct, deep down in him, the one that longed to call for his brothers, that loved being one in the same. The part of him that sang out Anata wa Hitori janai with every breath.

He passed it to Raph, hopeful.

Raph accepted it, because he always would. He took it with utter joy that Leo would offer up his mind, his soul, and ask for their minds to meld together, to become one. Raph took it, and fused his own mind to it, as well. Their souls interwoven.

They were one, they were one.

But the half of them that was Leo pressed in close, sought out the darkest parts of Raph.

Share the pain, share the pain. Something in him echoed. Without realizing what he meant, Raph echoed it right back, delighted that Leo got it, he really got it. He understood.

I’m here. Leo said, uncovering that which Raph wanted to keep hidden, finding the next of thoughts that were all Kraang, that were listening to their mind meld excitedly, waiting for their chance. I’m here, and take me, too.

(:)

Raph relaxed into Leo, his little brother squeezing him tight. Leo always knew what to do to calm him down; it was why they made such effective leaders.

Leo knew how to remove Raph’s stress lines, with a quick hug or a thumb to his forehead, squeezing away his worry, lifting it right onto his shoulders. In turn, Raph knew to swoop Leo up and swing around the room with him, to get Leo’s laughter running again when he got too immersed into his own thoughts or he thought he didn’t deserve to laugh, like the idiot he was.

They were blue and red, the positive and the negative, fire and ice. They balanced each other out, and it was so awesome.

Leo pressed against him gently, mind opening big and wide, pouring love down the line. There were undertones of coaxing, urging Raph to open up his mind right back. Raph did so, without question, without thought.

Leo was probably seeking the same comfort that Raph was. He wanted love, so Raph would give it to him, gladly, happily, readily.

Their minds fused together, moon over the sun, two become one. Raph basked in the gentleness, in the comfort and softness Leo brought with him. He wrapped Leo up the same, swarming his little brother with all his protection, shoved into his lap.

Share the pain, share the pain, Leo chanted, tipping the scales and letting Raph hold just a little of the aching of his ribs, an undertone of Right, big brother? coming through the link.

Share the pain! Raph agreed, pessing himself right back against the slider. Leo understood. Leo got it! And it hadn’t even taken that much effort! Most of the time it was a struggle to get Leo to even listen to him, but look at this! Leo was doing it! Leo was paying attention, Leo was–

Diving into Raph’s mind. Peeling apart the layers faster than Raph could keep up with, calling for the Kraang as he went further and further in. He dismantled all of Raph’s walls, all of his failsafes, without even a second’s thought, and Raph couldn’t stop it.

He couldn’t stop it even as Leo pressed his mind against the Kraang, willingly opening himself up to the hivemind, and begged for them to bind with him, too. I’m here, his stupid, stupid little brother said. I’m here, and take me, too.

And the Kraang inside Raph’s mind wiggled, delighted. Serotonin flooded Raph’s body, but all it did was make him want to throw up. No, no, nononono!

Come here, pet! The Kraang cooed as one, and Raph could feel the bowls of his actual, physical brain begin to wiggle. The infected part of him was starting to creep forward, towards his brother, towards where their heads were shoved together, and Raph couldn’t–

Leo flinched. I’m sorry, Raph. But we’re sharing this.

No! No, no! Raph tugged at Leo’s arms. Not hard; he didn’t want to hurt his brother, but he had to leave, he couldn’t let Leo be corrupted, he wouldn’t be able to stand it, no! No!

It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay. This is something we can share.

This isn’t sharing! Raph begged, desperate, pushing at Leo even more desperately, but his little brother wouldn’t let go. For someone so injured, he was squeezing so tightly, and Raph couldn’t get free. Why couldn’t he get free?! This is just doubling it, they’re going to hurt you, Leo! Let go!

I’m not letting you go.

Good. Good. The Kraang murmured, and pressed closer still. Hold still.

No, no! Leo! Raph got his hands between him and Leo. He shoved them at Leo’s chest – harboring broken ribs and crushed lungs – and pushed with all his might, no longer caring who got hurt.

It didn’t remove the guilt when he heard Leo cry out in pain, recoiling away, arms coming down instinctively to curl around his chest.

It did, however, make the glee that came with the Kraang’s hiss of frustration all the sweeter. They were still at the forefront of his brain, so Raph had to turn away from Leo, his back to his brother, and breathed. He had to breathe.

The Kraang screeched. They didn’t make it easy for Raph to calm down at all. They crawled just under his skin, at his forehead, his skull, trying to get out, trying to get in control to force Raph’s body to march right back to his brother and force the curse of their presence down on him. Raph couldn’t let that happen.

Breath. Breath. Settle them down, Raph was in control. He was in control.

“Raph,” Leo begged, voice shaking. “Please, Raph– It’s okay. Please don’t be mad, I– It’s okay, hi, hi, Raph…”

“Not now.” Raph whined, head throbbing.

The Kraang giggled in sync at the sound of Leo’s voice, the younger brother and their sister nudging the eldest with anticipation. The oldest sounded absolutely thrilled as he cackled, pressing further into Raph’s head, trying to take a mile now that they’d gained an inch.

“We’re supposed to share, Raph, you said that… We can share this. It’s okay. We’ll figure out a cure soon; we can share it.” There was a rustling, like Leo was trying to get out of bed.

Raph pushed himself to his knees, not offering a glance back. Even looking at Leo right now was a death sentence. Standing was almost as bad, the Kraang trying to urge Raph to turn around and possess his little brother with every step he made out of the room.

They were so loud. They were so loud, and it hurt. It hurt so bad, it hurt so bad.

“Raph!” Leo cried, and it sounded so pathetic. He deserved to be in pain. He deserved to suffer for all that he had–

What was wrong with Raph. What was wrong with him?!

The Kraang preened in delight at the prompt, slithering their way across Raph’s head. Ah, we can answer that, little one. You are strong-willed, but you believe that makes you special. It makes you unique. You are wrong; it just makes you stupid. You should be bending a knee, not trying to stand. 

Now, by all means.

Kneel.

Raph didn’t. He couldn’t. He didn’t dare.

He rubbed his hands up and down his arms, over and over. He could do this, he could do this.

Donnie and Mikey were busy, wandering back out into the Hidden City to look for a cure. Again. They would call in just a few minutes for their half-hourly check-in, so Raph wouldn’t panic. So Raph wouldn’t think they were kidnapped again.

Dad was out having a father-daughter date with April. Or you know, out on a mission. Raph could never tell the difference.

And Leo was… Leo was all Raph had here, but he couldn't trust him. Not after that. That’s not what sharing the pain meant, and Leo knew that. And yet he had peeled away the layers and left Raph weak and defenseless. Again.

How dare he, how dare he, how dare he.

Yes. How dare he.

Where did Raph begin and the Kraang end? What chalk-drawn line was there? And how much was it erased by the rain, redrawn over and over just for the endless stream of water to wash it clean?

They were the same.

They weren’t supposed to be. Raph was here. Kraang was… over there. There was a line, and it wasn’t chalk. It was tangible, it was a wall. It was just a bit broken right now. That was all.

Maybe it would be better if the wall didn’t exist. Then they could– No, no, stop it, stop it! Raph was fine, he was fine. His mind was his own. The Kraang didn’t have the hold over him they wanted him to believe.

And if they didn’t have a hold, then it was okay to go back and just… hug Leo, wasn’t it? Hold him and never let him go. Relax in the comfort he– No, no! Raph wasn’t going to provoke them. He wasn’t going to do that, no matter what the Kraang said. 

He’d just wait. He’d just wait for them to go away.

(:)

It took a full hour for Raph to fully wrangle back control. The Kraang crept off eventually, leaving him exhausted and tired, but it was fine. He made sure to take every phone call Donnie and Mikey gave him, and talked to them like a perfectly normal human. They didn’t even sound suspicious that anything wasn’t okay!

Which was good, that was good. Because Raph was fine. He wasn’t going to beat Leo to a pulp again. He wasn’t going to let the Kraang get to Leo, either possessing him like they had done to Raph, or hurting him.

Everything was fine. Raph was fine. Even if the Kraang seemed especially upset about that.

But the quietness in Raph’s skull, finally able to confidently assess which thoughts were his or the Kraang’s, made it so he could comfortably reapproach Leo. His anger was big and bright, but at least it was his own. At least he knew it was all him, furious over being violated, over Leo splitting open his skull, twice in one day. 

“We need to talk.” Raph demanded, marching into the infirmary train car, leaning in to level his brother with a furious glare.

Leo had laid back down at some point, listlessly staring up at the ceiling, but his head snapped back to stare at Raph. “Is it to talk about how you’re a major hypocrite?”

“A major–?!” Raph balked, but then recognized it for the set up it was. “Oh, I get it, you’re making stuff up. The great Leonardo, everyone, will do anything it takes to get himself out of trouble, including and not limited to! Playing the blame game. “I’m not the screwup! I’m not the idiot! That’s my big brother, Raph!” Give me a break.”

“Ohho, what about you, Mister “Share the pain, what’s yours is mine, nO Leo, you can’t share my pain!”?! Do you even hear yourself, or is it all just white noise?!”

“There’s no sharing the Kraang! It just spreads! And anything they bring just duplicates, but it never leaves!”

“Same with this! Unless you’ve got magic hands that can just take this away from me, then the only thing you’re doing is hurting yourself, and not helping me! Actually, it just makes things worse because now I feel bad for getting you hurt!”

“I was already hurt! Do you seriously just think of the Kraang as a fun brain partner?! Because they’re not! They hurt! I hate every second I have to spend with them because it hurts, Leo! And you made them gain more and more control! You had them come out twice! In one day! Don’t you care?!”

“Of course I care!” Leo bristled, but instead of angry, he just looked heartbroken. “But if I hadn’t– I would have died!”

“If you hadn’t, you’d still be lying right here, and I wouldn’t be angry at you!” Raph snarled, waving his hands through the air. “If you had a problem you could’ve talked it out with me! Like a normal! Person! But instead you–!”

“No, Raph!” Leo cried. “Not then! The first time! The Nexus– If I hadn’t done that, we never would’ve fought enough to satisfy Big Mama! She would’ve put me against opponents stronger than you. She would’ve made sure I had nothing to defend herself. They wouldn’t have shown mercy! I would be dead by now, Raph!”

“The Kraang don’t show mercy! They would have killed you!”

“And yet I had my big brother protecting me. And isn’t that lucky?” Leo asked, and it was rhetorical, but the way his words grabbed Raph’s heart and twisted was way too real. “We were fighting the same guy. Just on different fronts. I knew you wouldn’t let him kill me.”

“I couldn’t even stop him from hurting you!”

“Not this again. He needed to hurt me, or else, again, I would have died! That was Big Mama’s plan. She wanted me to be hurt. She just wasn’t expecting you to be the one to do it. And you didn’t, okay? It just looked like you did. It was just your… What did you call them? Ah, yeah, a “fun brain partner”.”

“Don’t do that.” Raph hissed, his heart thudding away in his ears. It was starting to ring again. “Don’t call them that. I already told you that’s now what they are.”

“Raph. That’s not what I was doing, you know that. I was using that ironically. Stop focusing on the wrong stuff, you big dum-dum.” Leo scoffed, and Raph’s blood boiled.

His problems were justified! How dare Leo imply that he didn’t deserve to be upset!

“I deserve to be angry.” Raph snarled, coming close to stab a finger into the middle of Leo’s chest. Leo stared back up at him, expression firm. “I deserve to not be okay with this!”

“You were my safety net! You saved me from dying! Why are you angry about that?!”

“Fine! Fine, I saved you from that– But you still tried to get the Kraang to hurt you! Again! You tried to force me to possess you! That is not okay!”

“You were the one going on and on about “sharing the pain” or whatever! I was just honoring that!”

“That’s not sharing anything!”

“So you’ve said.” Leo rolled his eyes, turning his back on Raph, curling on his side and staring bitterly at the wall. “Can I just… Can you just go away? And we can talk about this later?”

“No.” Raph snapped, reaching out and grabbing Leo’s shoulder, yanking him right back around. “We’re talking about this now. Tell me. Tell me you get it, tell me you understand how utterly stupid you are. Tell me.”

“I was just doing what you said.” Leo mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. “I was just trying to help.”

“It didn’t help! It didn’t help at all, how could you even–!”

“I’m sorry,” Leo whined, shoulders hunching. “I was just trying to help…”

“You didn’t.”

“I know… I know.”

“You don’t. You don’t get it, Leo!”

“I’m trying, Raph!” Leo snapped, whipping right back around, looking like an angry cat, woken up from a nap. “You think it’s so easy to be perfect, but it’s not! You think you’re so wonderful, and– And you are! You’re crazy cool, and I’m just– I’m trying to live up to that! I’m trying to help, but I just mess it up constantly!”

“Leo…” Raph sighed, the big brother instincts knocking out the anger as he set a hand on Leo’s shoulder. Oh. His little brother was trembling. Maybe Raph should have allowed this conversation to be tabled for later. All the excitement was overexerting what little strength Leo had left.

“I’m sorry,” Raph continued, leaning down to press his foreheads together. “I didn’t want you… I didn’t want you to be hurt. I didn’t think…”

“Not thinking is my thing.” Leo huffed, squeezing his eyes shut. “You can’t have my thing.”

Raph’s heart shattered. “Buddy…”

“Can we forget it?” Leo begged. “I shouldn’t have pulled out the Kraang. Not for anything.”

Not for anything? But… But Leo was right. He usually was, but here, specifically… if Leo hadn’t drawn out the Kraang, he would’ve died. Leo was right about that. He was right. “You’re right. You would have died if you didn’t.”

“Maybe that would’ve been better.” Leo shrugged, twisting his face into the pillow while Raph’s heart dropped. “Then I wouldn’t be hurting you right now. I wouldn’t keep being stupid, and you wouldn’t be thinking this is your fault when it’s just me.”

“That’s not right at all.” Raph argued, trying to be as gentle as possible. He shoved his arm underneath Leo’s body and lifted him up into his arms, rocking Leo back and forth. Leo was so small next to him. So barren. “I hate it when you do this kind of thing– But Leo. I want you to be alive way more than I want you to stop being stupid.”

“I’m sorry.” Leo squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t, Leo.” Raph begged, squeezing Leo tight in his arms. “Don’t keep hurting yourself. All the– All the problems… All of them are just you doing things to hurt yourself. And that just makes me angrier than anything. So you’ve gotta stop. Please stop.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“Stop.” Raph pleaded, tucking his head against Leo’s chest. He swore he could feel all the broken ridges in Leo’s chest. “Stop, please, just stop…”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with me!”

“You’re my brother,” Raph said, not exactly exasperated, but tired nonetheless. “I want to deal with you. I want to take care of you. I want you to stop hurting yourself, and stop hurting me. Okay? That’s not that hard to understand, is it?”

“Why are you here?” Leo sobbed, shaking hands coming to hug Raph right back. There was a brief moment that Raph was scared Leo was going to use the proximity to wake up the Kraang again, but his brother did no such thing. He just cried. “Shouldn’t– Shouldn’t you be with Mikey?! Or Donnie?!”

“They’re busy.” Raph shrugged. “They’re out looking for a cure. Like we were doing. We have fail-safes in place, so they’re safe. Big Mama’s not going to touch them without us knowing. Nobody is.”

“You should be with them.” Leo decided, sniffling hard and pressing his nose even firmer against Raph’s tricep. “You shouldn’t be stuck here with me! I wouldn’t have… You…”

“Leo shut up.” Raph interrupted, stroking the back of Leo’s head. “I love you, okay? And I wanted to talk to you anyway. Even if this isn’t where I was wanting this to end up… I’m glad you’re okay.”

“How are they gonna know if what they find is gonna work if you’re not there?!”

“Then they’ll bring what they found back here, and we’ll see if it works. We’ll try again tomorrow if they can’t find anything.” Raph reassured, rubbing his hands up and down Leo’s cracked shell. The sharp edges almost cut into his hands, but it was okay. “Maybe I wanna spend time with you instead, ever thought of that?”

“I’m awful! I keep hurting you–!”

“Yeah, well,” Raph swallowed and thought again about the Kraang in his brain. They were terrifying, and it made him angry thinking about what they could do with Raph as their vessel, but it was better than Leo being dead. And he would say that as many times as it took. “I’d rather you hurt us both than only yourself.”

And maybe that was the true meaning of “sharing the pain”. Maybe that was actually what Raph wanted to happen. Life was painful, but at least he could do it with someone else.

Even if the person he was stuck with was the reason behind the pain, it was much better than being alone.

“I’m so glad you’re alive, Leo.” Raph told him, honestly, hoping it stuck. “I don’t care what you do. I’m so sorry if I haven’t made that clear enough, but I really don’t. Just as long as you stay here with me.”

“I hurt you–!”

“And we’ll get over it.” Raph promised, saying it with all his chest. “We always do, don’t we?”

Leo nodded, head rubbing against Raph’s plastron.

“Just don’t do it again, okay?” Raph asked, making sure to emphasize the words with a small laugh so Leo would know it wasn’t that big of a deal if he did. Like yeah, Raph would be upset, but he wouldn’t hate Leo for it. Nothing Leo could ever do could truly make Raph hate him.

“I won’t.” Leo whispered, shaking even harder. Raph’s guilt was strong at that one. “I promise I won’t.”

“I know.” Raph squeezed. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I– I love you, too.” Leo reassured, squeezing as hard as his tiny arms could.

Raph held his brother all the tighter, knowing that they’d be okay. They loved each other too much to not be. And wasn’t that messily beautiful?