Chapter Text
It's hard to pinpoint the first time someone touched Grian, but it was easy to figure out the past person. Mumbo. Mumbo's soulmate mark faded when they shook hands upon meeting. Grian's soulmate mark wasn't on his hand though, it was on his wrist. Later in season 8 they figured out that they were platonic soulmates and that's why Mumbo's mark faded but Grian's wasn't in the right spot.
That's why Grian didn't feel anything for Mumbo. That wasn't to say that Grian didn't feel anything for others... And by others he meant Scar. Scar had always wondered the reason why nobody was aloud to touch Grian and Grian had almost caved and told him after the 30th time he asked during 3rd Life. There was a very valid reason why Grian didn't want anybody to touch him. He didn't want to find his soulmate. Jimmy had actually found out that the soulmate marks work really weirdly. Jimmy's mark faded when Scott touched his cheek but Scott's mark was on the back of his hand. Jimmy put his hand there a few moments later and it disappeared. Since that was the first time Scott touched Jimmy, Jimmy's mark faded. But the first time Jimmy touched Scott his faded. Confusing but that just meant Grian wasn't going to take any chances.
He couldn't let anyone touch him and he couldn't touch others. Grian knew that one day the Watchers would find out a way to get into Hermitcraft and he knew that process would speed up the moment Grian found his soulmate. So he kept touching to a minimum. The people around him found their soulmates and were perfectly happy. Heck! All three of his siblings found their soulmates! Jimmy had Scott, Martyn had Ren, and Pearl had Gem and Cleo! None of them understood why Grian didn't want to find his. Granted nobody understood why Grian didn't want to find his soulmate. It's not like he could tell anyone, it would out him as a Watcher. His siblings knew but they wouldn't understand his fear, they weren't Watchers themselves. The Watchers couldn't give two shits about them, no, they wanted him. Grian couldn't risk that.
Which lead to his current predicament, him and Scar sat on the dock fishing for a mending book. They were long since bored and had exhausted all topics they could think of and Grian had long since removed the itchy fake beard. Scar went to hand Grian an apple and Grian made a specific effort to avoid touching Scar's finger tips as he took it (even though his soulmate mark was also on his wrist). The brunettes eyes flashed with confusion and he stared at Grian with an easy smirk as he studied him. Grian knew exactly what that smirk meant, he had spent enough time with the vex hybrid to know that. He ruffled his wings a bit since they had begun to feel a bit cramped from where he had bound them against his back (fishermen don't have wings was his logic).
"What Scar? Why are you looking at me like that?" Grian asked, side eyeing him.
Scar's eyes shone with interest and a new found curiosity, "Oh, nothing nothing." He waved Grian off.
"Oh come on," Grian turned fully to Scar from where they were sat on the dock, "What is it?"
The brunette placed his fishing rod down and studied Grian once more causing the latter to roll his eyes.
"Why won't you touch me?" Scar asked innocently, though it made Grian choke.
"Scar!" He sputtered, "Phrasing!"
Scar thought for a moment before letting out a small "oh" which caused Grian to laugh at his friend who he had grown quite attached too.
"I just mean, you don't touch anyone. At all. Except for Mumbo, which is odd because you still don't touch him all that much." Scar explained; Grian bit his lip, he couldn't exactly tell Scar why.
"What? Is it weird that I don't like physical contact?" Grian asked, raising his eyebrow at Scar in mock offense.
"Yes actually," Scar replied gently which caused Grian's act to melt away, "You're an avian. It's in an avian's instincts to love physical contact."
"Says the man who had to look up why I gave you a feather," Grian grumbled, turning back to the river and staring at his fishing rod.
Scar gave a hearty laugh, "Yes and I've learned a lot since then!" He went to bump Grian's shoulder against his own then instantly thought better and leaned away.
"Have you?" The blonde questioned, not looking at the brunette.
"I have!" He said proudly.
Grian rolled his eyes but Scar was ultimately correct, he had learned. That's why the feather that Grian gave him during 3rd Life was proudly displayed on a gold chain resting around his neck. That's why when Grian was being stubborn and didn't want to admit something was wrong Scar would look to his wings first. They conveyed emotion, he knew that. It was one of the reasons he adored Scar so much, Scar had actually bothered to look into his species and educate himself on it.
Grian had done the same in return. For instance he now understood why Scar liked blood shed during the Life Series so much. Grian shivered just thinking about it. But Scar's research was correct. Avians were all about physical touch, nuzzling into their friends or partners was how they show their love and appreciation. Hugging and cuddling were something avians enjoyed quite a lot. One look at Grian's siblings and that much was clear.
"So you're stereotyping me?" Grian asked.
Scar quickly shook his head, "Grian, I've known you for 6 years, you look like you want physical touch but you restrict yourself," He replied softly.
Grian bit his lip and looked into the water instead of at his poll, "Hm... Maybe..." He muttered.
Scar gave him a sympathetic smile and reached out to grab his hand, then paused, and just rested it against the dock again. Grian felt something brewing in his stomach, a feeling deep inside him that felt horrible. It was guilt. Grian felt bad that Scar had to regulate himself around him.
"Yeah.. Maybe..." Scar replied.
The two sat in silence for a few moments, Grian stewing in his guilt and misery and Scar-... Being Scar. The blonde snuck a glance at his friend, Scar really was handsome, in every sense of the word. Grian had become infatuated with him over the years. His brown hair and soft emerald green eyes, the scar's that littered tanned skin, and the easy smirk he seemed to always have gracing his lips. Void, he was perfect. Grian felt his face heating up as the thoughts filled his head. He looked back towards the water trying to will himself not to blush, but that ship had already sailed. Scar sighed and stood; Grian watched him get up.
He dusted his hands off, "Well, I better get going! I have some mining to do!" Scar said with a smile. Grian placed down the fishing rod and nodded, he didn't want Scar to go but he also couldn't force him to stay beyond just asking. "See ya tomorrow G!" He gave Grian a small salute before turning around to leave.
Grian's body reacted before he could think about it and he gripped Scar's wrist, stopping him in his tracks. Scar whipped around, stunned. Both their eyes were wide with shock, Scar froze waiting for Grian to speak. Grian's eyes flicked down to his hand on Scar's wrist, then back up to his eyes. The avian dropped his hand from Scar's wrist and the shock wore off (for Grian at least).
He gave Scar pleading eyes, "Stay? ...please?" Grian said quietly, as if he was ashamed for asking.
Scar's eyes softened, "I-... I'm sorry Gri, I can't." He replied in a soft tone that reminded Grian of an adult speaking to a child. "But-... You can come with me?"
Grian's eyes filled with excitement and he quickly stood, "Really?!" He exclaimed.
Scar laughed softly and nodded, "Yeah, you can."
And that was how Grian found himself deep in a cave with Scar, they were looking for diamonds. Something about Scar wanting to be rich, Grian didn't really care. Scar had been acting a bit strange since they had gotten into the cave but Grian didn't think that much of it. He probably should have since Scar seemed like he was trying more than usual not to touch him. It seemed like a conscious effort now rather than just instinct. It was odd but hindsight is 20/20 and Grian didn't realize how odd it really was in that moment. Scar was lent against the wall catching his breath as Grian continued mining, it was pretty peaceful till it wasn't. The blonde must have not been paying attention because he mined the coal ore beneath his feet expecting to not have any issues.
But of course the gods hate him so instead he fell into a mineshaft. Or he would have, if Scar hadn't caught his wrist and pulled him back up causing them both to stumble back and land on the stone next to the hole. Grian crashed into Scar as they hit the ground causing the man beneath him to let out a small groan of pain.
"That was close..." Scar breathed out.
Grian nodded and opened his mouth to reply when he suddenly realized he was laying on Scar's chest. He yelped and sat up, scooting across the stone floor until his back hit the wall, he covered his face with his hands.
"Sorry!" He exclaimed, suddenly the strip mine fell quiet.
Grian felt confused, very confused. Why had Scar gone quiet? The avian removed his hands from his face what he saw was strange to say the least. Scar was sat there, meant back on his hands just staring at him with what looked like shock or fear, maybe a mixture of both. Upon closer inspection Scar was staring at Grian's wrist, his eyes darted down quickly and to his surprise his soulmate mark (a green hand print around his wrist) was slowly fading away. Grian's eyes directed themselves at where Scar's soulmate mark was, or rather, where it was supposed to be. It was gone.
"Grian...?" Scar started softly. Grian's throat felt dry, fear coursed through his body. Void! He loved Scar and Scar was his soulmate but he couldn't be with him!The first person Grian had touched in 6 years was his soulmate? This couldn't be happening. He had to be dreaming or going insane. "Are you-.... Are you okay...?" Scar slid over to Grian, sitting in front of him. Grian had his knees to his chest so he buried his face into them. He shook his head no. Because he wasn't okay at all. Scar timidly put a hand on Grian's knee which caused the avian to flinch, his wings wrapping around himself like a cocoon. Scar pulled his hand back to avoid being smacked by the wings. "Is it..." He sighed, "Is it me...?" The vex asked softly, the words caused Grian's heart to sink. Scar thought it was him that was making Grian have this reaction when that wasn't the case. "I-... I mean... I've loved you for such a long long time. But... If you don't love me back" -Grian's heart shattered- "then we can just pretend like this never happened? Soulmates are a suggestion, not a requirement..." Scar sounded so sad yet understanding and that was what caused Grian to cry. He did love Scar, for this very reason. Scar put people before himself, he was smug and a con man for sure. But when it came down to it, Scar would do anything to help others. That's why this hurt so bad. Scar was so sweet and understanding and kind and helpful and just- good. Scar was a good person. Grian was not. The two sat in uncomfortable silence for a bit as Grian shook his head no. Scar couldn't see him due to the wings but he could tell he was moving to nonverbally reply. The brunette was worried so he ran his hand gently over Grian's feathers, "Birdy, small wings..." He said softly.
Grian shivered at the contact but ultimately folded his wings up behind him again allowing Scar to see his crying face.
"M'sorry..." He sniffed, wiping his eyes.
Scar's worried expression got more concerned by the second, "It's okay, don't apologize Grian. I get it. You don't have to be my soulmate-" The avian shook his head rapidly.
"S'not you!" Grian exclaimed through tears.
Scar looked confused but kept his voice soft and calm, "Okay...! Okay... Calm down... It's okay..." He reached out and put his hand on Grian's knee again, he flinched again but didn't pull away or hide behind his wings so Scar took that as permission to keep going. "If it's not me then what is it...? What's wrong?" He asked, gently rubbing his thumb over Grian's knee to comfort him.
"I-..." Grian was trembling as he spoke, if Scar knew he was a Watcher Scar would hate him.
"Hey... You can tell me anything, you know that right?" Scar asked gently.
Grian suddenly felt a wave of nausea crash over him and he shot up, "Gotta go! See ya Scar! Bye!" He exclaimed frantically running out of the cave with Scar calling after him.
The moment he got outside the cave he launched up into the air he had to get out of there. He felt like he couldn't breathe as he flew away from Scar. Where was he going? He didn't know he just had to get out of there. His vision began to go spotty as he flew as fast and as far as he could. The nausea hit him again and he almost threw up in his mouth. Then suddenly, he was falling. Grian's vision completely blacked out and he felt his body hit something though it wasn't the ground. The last thing he heard before he blacked out was someone calling his name. It was a familiar voice, one he knew well, though he couldn't place it.