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"And that," Shen Qingqiu said, his voice steady as he concluded his argument, "is why Liu Qingge is only the third prettiest person on Cang Qiong, after Luo Binghe and presumably Liu Mingyuan, but before Yue Qingyuan. Sorry, Zhangmen-shixiong."
"That's alright," Yue Qingyuan said in a strangled voice.
"It comes down to his ass."
"Yes, you've already said as much, shidi. Several times." Yue Qingyuan looked like he wanted to die a little bit, which was unfair. He wasn't the one who'd been dosed with a wife-plot potion designed to lower inhibitions while also compelling the truth! If anyone here should be embarrassed, it was Shen Qingqiu!
He didn't feel embarrassed, though. That was probably due to the potion, now that he thought about it.
Liu Qingge looked embarrassed enough for the both of them. He was having trouble meeting Shen Qingqiu's eyes, his face was a bright cherry red, and he appeared to be having difficulty breathing. Shen Qingqiu gave him an encouraging smile, but that only seemed to make the problem worse.
The rest of the Huan Hua courtroom was watching him with disbelief and outrage. The Old Palace Master seemed especially irritated by his answer--Shen Qingqiu was pretty sure he could see a vein throbbing on the man's forehead.
If the Old Palace Master was upset with the results, surely that was his own fault. He was the one that had insisted they use this legendary ancient potion--dubbed "the Soul's Truth" because Airplane was an unoriginal hack--during Shen Qingqiu's trial. Shen Qingqiu had protested at first. He'd been worried that the System would clash with the compulsion to tell the truth, but the System had been strangely okay with it.
[This System took truth serums into account when setting up restrictions for the User!]: the System had chimed cheerfully when he'd asked it. [No infractions will occur! Only wacky hijinks!]
Shen Qingqiu hadn't liked the sound of that at the time. He'd apparently been worried for nothing, though. The trial was going great so far!
"The question that I asked," the Old Palace Master said through gritted teeth, "was whether or not you attempted to murder Liu Qingge in the Ling Xi caves. Witnesses saw Immortal Master Liu leave the caves--where you had also been cultivating--showing signs of having been in a fight."
"Oh." Shen Qingqiu considered that for a moment. "I didn't answer that?"
"No. You've just been ranking the physiques of various Cang Qiong Peak members. Your thoughts on the subject are…extensive."
"Right! I was explaining that because of how strong Liu Qingge is. I couldn't have killed him even if I tried to, which I didn't. Have you seen him? He's-"
The Old Palace Master coughed loudly. "Next question," he said. "The Qiu estate. Did you massacre the male residents and set fire to the property?"
Luo Binghe was probably in the crowd somewhere, Shen Qingqiu realized with a start. He scanned the faces of the Huan Hua side of the room, but didn't see him. He wasn't on the Cang Qiong side either, to Shen Qingqiu's disappointment. How amazing would it be if Binghe just spontaneously forgave him and rejoined Qing Jing?
"Shen Qingqiu. Your answer?"
He hadn't visited Shen Qingqiu in the Water Prison much after their first disastrous meeting. Some of the food trays that Shen Qingqiu had been served were clearly prepared by Binghe, and Binghe had come to deliver the news that his trial would be held earlier than originally planned and would involve truth serum, but otherwise he'd kept his distance.
It had been a lonely, cold wait for the trial.
"Shen Qingqiu! Answer me! Are you guilty of the assault on the Qiu's or not?"
"Hm?" Shen Qingqiu looked back at the Old Palace Master. "What? Oh. No, I didn't do that."
The Old Palace Master blinked, shocked, then shot a furious look at Qiu Haitang.
Qiu Haitang jumped to her feet, tears streaming down her face. "Shen Jiu, you were my closest friend! My fiance! I'd know you anywhere, and I saw you murder my family and servants with my own eyes!" she yelled.
"Must have been someone else," Shen Qingqiu said. "Where's Binghe?"
"I'm here, Shizun," said Binghe, his voice low. He stepped out of the shadows that had been hiding him, and when he looked at Shen Qingqiu his face was strangely vulnerable for a protagonist that was supposed to be blackened.
Shen Qingqiu beamed. Even now, at the trial of his horrible Shizun, Binghe looked gorgeous. He said as much.
Binghe blushed. "Shizun also ranked me highest on his list of most-beautiful Cang Qiong cultivators-"
"Luo-shizhi, please don't get him started on that again," Yue Qingyuan said desperately.
"-so does that mean Shizun finds me pleasing?"
"Of course! Binghe is the most beautiful person in the world, naturally." Such was the role of the protagonist.
Binghe's eyes were beginning to tear up. "And Shizun still considers me a member of Cang Qiong?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Shizun!"
The Old Palace Master smiled grimly. "What an unusual way for a Master to speak of his student. Does Immortal Master Shen often observe his disciples' bodies so closely, and use such honeyed words to compliment their beauty?"
"Only with Binghe," said Shen Qingqiu, irritated.
The Old Palace Master looked smug, like he'd tricked Shen Qingqiu into revealing something, which was stupid--anyone with eyes would be attracted to the protagonist. That's just how the world worked.
"Oh? And does Immortal Master Shen ever have licentious thoughts about Luo Binghe?" the Old Palace Master asked.
"Shen-shidi, don't answer that," said Yue Qingyuan. He was standing now, and he looked furious. "With respect, Palace Master, Shen Qingqiu should be asked about his actions, not his thoughts. Your question is irrelevant to his trial."
The Old Palace Master smiled. "Ah, my mistake. If you're concerned about Immortal Master Shen's answer concerning his disciple, then of course I'm happy to withdraw my question."
If he didn't answer it, it would be worse than if he did, Shen Qingqiu knew. This trial wasn't just about determining his guilt--it was about ruining his reputation.
"It's alright, Zhangmen-shixiong, I'll answer."
"Please don't."
"You want to know if I have licentious thoughts towards Binghe?" He'd read so many X-rated stories about him--and yeah, a lot of them had been corny and so repetitive that he suspected Airplane might have been copy/pasting from previous chapters, but even the scenes he'd skimmed had left an impression. And now that Binghe was standing in front of him, all grown up, it was hard to not overlay the words he'd read in that past lifetime onto the man he was looking at now. He could easily picture the sweat rolling down Binghe's broad back, his hips thrusting and his muscles flexing as he rutted his giant cock into the beauty of the week.
Well. He supposed it was an easy question to answer. He nodded. "I'm having them right now."
Binghe choked.
The Old Palace Master looked triumphant. Hypocrite. "Don't give me that look," Shen Qingqiu snapped. "You don't have the right to judge me, not after what you did to Binghe's mother."
The room, which had erupted into chatter at Shen Qingqiu's initial answer, fell silent again. Yue Qingyuan lifted his head from where he'd buried it in his hands. The Old Palace Master paled.
"Yeah, Airplane told me everything." Shang Qinghua had been the only Peak Lord allowed to visit Shen Qingqiu while he was in the Water Prison, probably because no one could take him seriously as a threat, and he'd used his visits to fill Shen Qinqgiu in on relevant bits of the world's hidden backstory. "You lusted after your disciple Su Xiyan, imprisoned her, and gave her poison to kill her unborn child, so don't go wagging your finger all righteous-like at me."
"Lies!" said the Old Palace Master.
"The Soul's Truth is infallible," said Mu Qingfang. "That's why it was chosen."
"Then he's delusional," the Old Palace Master snarled.
A significant percentage of the Huan Hua side of the room looked mutinous, which was unsurprising. Su Xiyan had been popular in her days as head disciple and it seemed like her friends weren't thrilled with the news of her fate. The Old Palace Master saw it, too. His eyes darted around the room, taking in the unrest. He was visibly sweating, now.
Binghe startled at the mention of his mother, but his expression quickly turned thoughtful. "Airplane?" he said.
It wasn't technically a question, but… "It's a huge metal tube that flies through the sky," said Shen Qingqiu. "It can travel faster than anything you've ever seen, and it usually carries a lot of people in cramped little seats. Also, it's Shang Qinghua."
There was a pause.
"I'll go check the potion," Mu Qingfang said, sighing as he made his way over to the table where the vial of Soul's Truth was being kept.
"...You think Shang-shishu is a flying metal tube?" Binghe asked. He looked concerned, as did many of the Cang Qiong delegates. Yue Qingyuan, who was closest, stepped forward and took Shen Qingqiu's wrist. A moment later he felt the sect leader's qi cycle through him, looking for signs of a qi deviation.
Shen Qingqiu gently pushed him away. "No, that's just his name. He's actually the creator of-"
"Haha, what a funny idea! Flying metal tubes, very creative. Maybe we should change topics!" Shang Qinghua said quickly. "What was that again about the Old Palace Master being a killer? That seemed important! Let's talk more about that!"
"Please, if you'd wanted the Old Palace Master to face justice, you would have done something about it already." Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes. "You just don't want your son to find out about you. Coward."
"Shang-shidi has a son?" Yue Qingyuan asked. The look he gave Shang Qinghua was extremely skeptical, which was a bit unfair, honestly.
Shen Qingqiu felt offended on his friend's behalf. "There's no need to look so surprised. Airplane might not be in the top five hottest cultivators, but he's cute in his own way. Like a hamster! He could totally impregnate someone if he wanted to."
"...Thanks? I think?" Shang Qinghua muttered, at the same time as Yue Qingyuan said, "That's not--I was unaware he was a father, is all. He's never mentioned children."
"Why would he mention children?"
Yue Qingyuan's eye twitched. "You said Shang-shidi had a son."
"Hm? Oh. I was talking about Binghe."
There was a pause as the courtroom looked between Binghe (tall, dark, and handsome) and Shang Qinghua (short, mousy, and visibly panicking).
"I don't detect any issues with the Soul's Truth," Mu Qingfang said into the silence. He was holding up the potion vial, staring at it in confusion.
"So Shang-shishu is really my father?" Binghe looked horrified, which was understandable, but also ouch--Airplane's ego was really taking a beating in this conversation.
"Not literally. He just calls you his son because he created you," Shen Qingqiu reassured him. "He created almost everyone, though. And everything. He's kind of the god of this world."
The silence that followed was longer, this time.
Yue Qingyuan cleared his throat. "Thanking Mu-shidi to check the potion one more time, please."
The court took a break as Mu Qingfang and healers from Huan Hua huddled in a corner and tested the Soul's Truth for defects.
"We'll have to reschedule the trial," the Old Palace Master said. "Clearly the truth serum is defective. Immortal Master Shang is not a god, and so none of Shen Qingqiu's statements today can be taken as fact."
"You can give me whatever truth serum you want, I'll still say you killed Su Xiyan," said Shen Qingqiu, shrugging.
"What! I didn't-"
"And why are you all so quick to dismiss Shang Qinghua as being a god, anyways?" Shen Qingqiu continued, frowning. "Everyone always underestimates him. He's smarter and more capable than you give him credit for."
The Peak Lords, the Old Palace Master, and Luo Binghe, who'd all gathered around Shen Qingqiu during the break, turned to assess Shang Qinghua. No one looked particularly impressed.
Shang Qinghua cringed under the weight of everyone's gazes. "Ah, haha, thanks, Shen-shixiong! You're too kind!"
"Last week he cried when I turned in my paperwork late," Liu Qingge said. "You think he's a god?"
Shang Qinghua flushed. "Those were stress tears!"
"Don't you get it? Being pathetic is part of his act!" Shen Qingqiu said.
"Bro, it's not an act. I was under some tight deadlines, and-"
"He gets you to think he's not a threat so that you don't guard against him. You don't think about him. You don't even notice him," said Shen Qingqiu. "That's how he's gotten away with spying on you for the demons for so many years."
"Bro."
Everyone's eyes were on Shang Qinghua again. Luo Binghe's gaze was particularly sharp. He looked like he was doing some serious mental calculations, and after a moment he glanced thoughtfully back at Shen Qingqiu. He would have already known that Shang Qinghua was a spy, Shen Qingqiu realized. Did that mean he would believe the rest of what Shen Qingqiu was saying? It was obvious that no one else did, which was frustrating. Wasn't the whole point of truth serums to clear up this sort of nonsense?
At least this was a claim he could prove. "He keeps an emergency teleport to Mobei-Jun's palace around his neck. If you search him, you'll find it."
Shang Qinghua laughed nervously. "First I'm a flying metal tube, then I'm a god, and now I'm a demon spy? Shen-shixiong has quite the imagination."
"Not as much imagination as you, you hack," said Shen Qingqiu fondly. "I'll always love this world you made. The monsters are pretty cool."
"If I created this world, which I didn't, I'd probably be more flattered by that if you weren't also trying to get me killed for treason."
"I'm sure Shang-shidi is no more a demon spy than he is a god. The truth serum is clearly defective," said Yue Qingyuan. "But this would be an easy accusation to disprove. Shidi, if you let us check your necklace then we can dismiss this and move on."
Shang Qinghua hesitated.
Yue Qingyuan's smile froze. "Shidi?"
Shang Qinghua took a step backwards.
"Come here," Liu Qingge said, making a grab for him, but Shang Qinghua jumped away, swearing. He grabbed at a string around his neck, pulling out his transportation charm and activating it with a quick burst of qi.
"You know what? No! I quit! You fuckers can do your own paper work from now on! I hope you choke on those Bai Zhan repair requisition forms and die!" Shang Qinghua shouted as the demonic energy enveloped him. "Glad you like my monsters, though, bro!"
"Have fun in the North, Airplane," said Shen Qingqiu, waving.
A moment later Shang Qinghua was gone. A faint after-image of him lingered, still giving the Peak Lords the finger with both hands.
"I think he wants to fuck Mobei-Jun," Shen Qingqiu said thoughtfully into the ensuing silence.
Around them, people were starting to yell. The burst of demonic energy had triggered Huan Hua's alarms, and those close enough to have seen Shang Qinghua's exit were either shouting accusations of treason at Yue Qingyuan, or were shouting questions at Yue Qingyuan about what they should do.
Yue Qingyuan stared at the spot where Shang Qinghua had just been. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.
"...so Shang Qinghua's a god?" Liu Qingge asked.
"Of course not," Qi Qingqi said. "That's ridiculous. He can't be. Right?"
"Right," echoed Yue Qingyuan faintly.
"Well, I'm not worshiping him," Liu Qingge said, crossing his arms.
The crowd around them parted for a moment, and Mu Qingfang and two of the Huan Hua healers pushed their way through. Mu Qingfang was holding the Soul's Truth and looking harried.
"We've run it through every test imaginable, and the potion should be working. Shen-shixiong is telling the truth--or at least, he thinks he is." Mu Qingfang looked around the group, taking in the various expressions of shock and outrage. "...What did I miss?"
"Shang Qinghua just defected to the demons, and he kind of admitted to being the creator of this world while doing so," Shen Qingqiu said.
"Thank you, Shen-shixiong," Mu Qingfang said. "Can anyone else answer?"
"That one's true," said Liu Qingge.
"Everything I've said is true! Oh! And I know one more way you can test the potion," Shen Qingqiu said.
Mu Qingfang stared at him. "I'd like to come back to the bit about Shang Qinghua, but…what does Shen-shixiong recommend?"
"We find another truth serum--Huan Hua has a million to choose from--and give it to the Palace Master," said Shen Qingqiu, grinning. "Then we ask him about Su Xiyan. If his story matches mine, then you'll know I've been telling the truth."
***
The Huan Hua healers--who were both from Su Xiyan's generation--had been more than happy to drag the Palace Master to the front of the room and cram a truth serum down his throat.
The deluge of horrific crimes he immediately admitted to, including his actions against Su Xiyan, distracted the court enough to take some of the heat off of Shen Qingqiu. He relaxed and leaned against Binghe, who'd taken a seat next to him on the Cang Qiong side of the room.
Binghe had been silent and tense as the Old Palace Master recounted what had been done to Binghe's birth mother, but as the Palace Master moved on to tales of other victims, he turned his attention to Shen Qingqiu.
"Are you still under the effects of the potion?" he asked softly.
"Yes. I will be for a few more hours." Shen Qingqiu let his head fall onto Binghe's shoulder. It had been a tiring day, and Binghe was very comfortable to lay on.
Binghe tensed at the unexpected contact. After a moment, he took a deep breath and relaxed his muscles, then reached around Shen Qingqiu's waist to pull him closer.
It was nice. Shen Qingqiu hummed happily.
"Shizun. This disciple has questions," Binghe said.
"Ask."
"Do you regret it?"
There was no need to ask what Binghe was referring to. "Every day," Shen Qingqiu said easily.
Binghe let out a ragged breath. "Why did you do it?"
"I was afraid."
"Of me?"
The image of Bing-ge ripping off the original good's limbs echoed through his mind. "I think I've always been a bit afraid of you, Binghe. You were always going to be powerful. I just didn't know what you'd do with that power."
Binghe was silent for a minute.
"And are you afraid now?" he asked.
"I'm afraid of what will happen next. I don't want Cang Qiong to go to war against you when you reveal yourself." The images of Qing Jing burning had been cathartic in the book. Now, not so much.
Binghe nodded. "Maybe there doesn't have to be a war. Maybe we can have a human-demon alliance instead," he said.
"That would be nice. Then Binghe could visit as often as he wanted." Shen Qingqiu smiled.
"Shizun would like that?"
"Very much."
The Old Palace Master had run out of homicides to confess to, now, and had moved on to listing less serious offenses, like embezzlement and fraud and kicking puppies. The Huan Hua side of the courtroom buzzed with outrage as the list continued with no signs of stopping any time soon.
Binghe hesitated, then covered Shen Qingqiu's hand with his own. "You know, alliances are often sealed with a marriage," he said.
Shen Qingqiu knew that! How many peace treaties had Binghe brokered by wedding and bedding a beauty? "It's a classic move," he acknowledged, raising his head from Binghe's shoulder to look him in the eye. "You'll have to choose your bride carefully, though." No more of that harem in-fighting nonsense! Now that Shen Qingqiu actually knew everyone involved, the thought of Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyuan in that sort of situation made his hair stand on end.
"Of course, Shizun."
"Binghe deserves only the best."
Binghe beamed. "And I hope to have the best, with Shizun's permission," he said.
If he was asking Shen Qingqiu's permission, he must have his eyes set on someone from Qing Jing--probably Ning Yingying. Shen Qingqiu had worried that he'd interfered with their blossoming romance, as Binghe had mostly ignored her in favor of being the world's stickiest disciple, but apparently love had found a way!
The idea of Binghe and Ning Yingying riding off happily into the sunset left a bittersweet taste in his mouth for a reason he couldn't quite put his finger on. Still… "Of course you have my permission. Binghe is the best person in the world--anyone would be lucky to have him as a husband."
Binghe was crying, now. Shen Qingqiu reached up to cradle his chin, and gently brushed his tears away with his thumb. In the background, the Old Palace Master was being dragged to the Water Prison, still shouting his crimes to the world.
"Shizun truly means it? He'll say yes to the marriage?"
As if he would try to stand between Binghe and his bride-to-be! "Since when have I been able to say no to Binghe?"
And in the end, he did say yes.
All the Cang Qiong Peak Lords attended Shen Qingqiu's and Binghe's wedding, as did all the demon generals (Binghe's demon reveal had caused a bit of a stir, of course, but what were they going to do about it? Fight him and lose just for the principal of the thing? Shen Qingqiu had nixed that idea as soon as Liu Qingge had proposed it). Even Shang Qinghua was there, though he spent most of wedding dodging increasingly desperate attempts by Yue Qingyuan to get him to return to An Ding.
Shen Qingqiu didn't blame Yue Qingyuan--the past year without a head of logistics had turned Cang Qiong into a dumpster fire. Literally, on occasion, since Shang Qinghua had also been in charge of waste management.
"Are you sure he's a god?" Binghe asked, watching Shang Qinghua dive into a decorative shrub to avoid catching the sect leader's gaze.
"I didn't say he was much good at it," Shen Qingqiu said. "He did a few things right, though."
"Oh?"
It was hard to speak as frankly as he had at his trial without the aid of a truth serum, but he'd been practicing. "Well, he created you, didn't he?" Shen Qingqiu said. He felt himself blush as he said it, his ears and cheeks burning with embarrassment.
It was worth it, though, to see Binghe's brilliant smile in return.