Archive of Our Own

 “It wasn’t long after you released your second album, From Under the Cork Tree, that you found out you were having your first child right?” The last sitting on the sofa across from Pete asked. Her name was Annie and when Pete had decided he wanted to do this tell all kinds of interviews he had known he wanted it to be her almost straight away.

“Pretty much.” Pete confirmed with a small nod as he moved his mike around a little in front of him, he was nervous to be going this much into his personal life with the whole world. “We spent most of 2005 touring, it was a hard year to be honest. I was 24 when at the start of the year I tried to kill myself. This is a pretty well-known thing now. I had kind of drawn myself away from the band and especially Patrick, we had really just started whatever it was between the two of us back then. After my attempt failed the rest of the band was amazing. Patrick more so in such incredible ways. He really was my rock right after it all. We carried on with our tour even after that, music and fall out Boy has really always been a great release for me so I think I needed to keep going. I don’t think I would have been able to deal with down time after everything to be honest.

From under the cork tree came out in May, right at the beginning and Patrick found out two weeks after its release that he was pregnant. I wasn’t with him when he found out or anything but he’s since told me how much the whole thing freaked him out and how panicked he was. He was worried that he would reuin our chances of making it big. Like that was our first really major tour and I think it still sits at our biggest tour, concert amount wise anyway? We performed over a hundred shows on that tour. Patrick told me when we started doing the warped tour that year. So it wasn’t until June that he actually even told me.”

 “It took him a little while to tell you then.” Annie commented.

 “Yeah.” Pete let out a small laugh/sigh as he nodded again. “He was only 21 at the time, at really when he found out he was barley 21. It was basically right after my 26th birthday that he told and I freaked out a lot. At the time I was putting so much of myself into that tour and I knew they were already planning 2006 stuff for us, we even had some of planned. I mean it felt like all our hard work was really playing off at that point. I wasn’t ready to have a child and I know Patrick wasn’t either. At the time it all felt like it was too much.”

 “Yeah, I can only imagine that it was a lot going on for both of you at the time.” Annie agreed with a small nod of her own. “Was there any question for either you or Patrick about this baby? About keeping them?”

Pete let out a small sigh as he tried to think of how he could best fraise this. He had gone into this interview to talk about all this stuff, to really let out all of this. There had been a handful of things he knew he felt like he needed to address in this. Something he felt like he needed to get out. He had made it clear with Annie before he had ultimately agreed to this that he wanted her to push him when it came to these things, they wouldn’t necessarily show him in the best light and he was aware of that but that was kind of why he wanted to do this in the first place. “At first the last thing I wanted was a baby, which I hate admitting now but man I was 26 and at the time it felt like my whole dream career was in front of me. I didn’t know if I ever wanted kids at the time, I had tried to kill myself only a few months before, I wasn’t in the best head space at the time. I was really focusing on the band and getting my bi-polar disorder in control. I was struggling and I really didn’t know if I was going to be able to deal with being a parent.

I hate it now but at the time I made it clear to Patrick that I did not want to be a father, that I was just not ready. I hate it now, I hate who I was then. He had the time to think things through before he told me and by the time he had come to me Patrick had known for sure that keeping the baby was what he wanted. I didn’t handle that fact very well. I was so scared at the time and I just didn’t know how to handle it. My thoughts were Patrick’s pregnant, were gonna have to end the tour and 26 year old me thought that would be the end of the band as well. I think the next week or two was spent with Patrick and I basically ignoring each other, I don’t think we said a word to each other unless we were on stage or outside in public. It was horrible.”

 “What made you change your mind, because you obviously did?” Annie asked with a small laugh. “I mean as far as you two have let the world know you have been in all your kids’ lives since the day they were born.”

 “Yeah I changed my mind.” Pete agreed with a small laugh to match hers, happy that Annie was able to keep the mood at least a little light during all this. “At the beginning of July, when Patrick was about four months pregnant we had a scare. No one at the time other than me knew, I mean he didn’t look pregnant he was able to hide it. I didn’t know it at the time but Patrick’s since told me that he had planned to tell Joe and Andy right after he told me but when I didn’t take it well he didn’t end up telling them. He didn’t end up telling anyone till this night. We were like the second or third act on that night, so we came off stage after our set and Patrick had kind of just doubled over in pain, I think my Chem and another band were standing around and everyone freaked out a little. I did a lot to be honest. We rushed him to the hospital and I don’t think at the time I had ever felt that amount of fear.

Patrick kept saying the whole way to the hospital that he was losing the baby, he was freaking out even more then I was. That was how Joe and Andy found out. I don’t think I can ever forget that night, not really. I remember on the way to the hospital and as we were sitting around waiting to know what was happening just releasing how utterly stupid I was being. I thought Patrick was losing the baby and I just remember thinking that was my baby and I had decided I didn’t want them. It way my kid, how could I not want them. I remember Patrick just laid in that hospital bed curled up and looking terrified, he didn’t let me near him or comfort him or anything which with the way I was acting i totally get. I realized then that I had been a sick and I had felt him alone to deal with the huge life changing news that really I should have been a part of. We found out the baby was okay and I knew I wanted that kid. It took Patrick a little while to get past what I had done, how I had acted but eventually he did.”

 “So after that night everything changed?”

 “Yeah one hundred percent. “ Pete confirmed with a small nod as a sort of sweet smile crossed over his face. “As I said I remember all of that night, I don’t think I will ever be able to forget it the good or the bad of that night. I remember that was the first time I saw my kid, on the ultrasound and it was like the last piece of the puzzle, that was my kid and I wanted that baby. In that moment I didn’t know what would happen with the tour or the baby but it didn’t matter, that was my kid.”

 “You guys did carry on touring though. You completed the tour before the baby arrived, if I remember correctly of course.”

 “Yeah, we just about finished that tour.” Pete looked down at the table in front of him letting the memories wash over him for a long second, it almost felt like a different life time now. “We had only been finished for about a week when Patrick went into labor.”

 “Did any of you have any questions about continuing the tour?”

 “So many, so many arguments as well. Not only between just the two of us but with Joe and Andy as well.” Pete shock his head as he left out a small huff of a laugh as he thought about some of them. They had been young and stupid and their arguments had shown that. “Patrick didn’t want to cancel the tour, really it was the last thing he wanted. He’s always worried so much when it comes to disappointing fans and especially back then. I think he told me at one point that yeah he did want to be a dad and give that all a go but he also really wanted to give the band a proper goal. He didn’t want one think to stand in the way of the other, both were things he had always dreamed off and he couldn’t imagine one stopping the other. All three of us tried to talk him out of it at first but his doctor had assured him that it wasn’t going to cause the baby any harm and eventually we just had to give up, all of this was happening between shows and it was just all so chaotic to be honest.

Patrick’s due date was a month after we finished and eventually we all realized that he knew what was best for his body and he knew what he could handle. We did make him make some promises though. Anymore scares or anything that happened to put the baby in danger we stop straight away no matter what. He agreed to that, he said nothing came before the baby being okay. The babies’ health was the most important thing to all of us.

 “He made it through the tour. It was a busy tour, we didn’t have any kind of break till September and then once we went back it was packed once more right till the end of November when we stopped. Patrick was amazing through all of it, especially as it was necessarily the easiest pregnancy for him. He had bad morning sickness through a lot of it and the back pain the last two months seemed almost unbearable. Finding a comfortable way to sit or stand in those last few months seemed almost impossible for him. But he was amazing and I honestly don’t know how he did it, or how he did it all over again. I’m honestly so fucking glad he was able to though, and I know he is as well. I can’t even imagine how different things would be for us if we had to stop that tour.”

Annie looked over at Pete and couldn’t help but smile when she caught sight of the sweet look showing on his face, making a small note of it in her notepad. “What happened after the tour finished?”

“We had been able to get our label to push our starting the next tour back till about May, I think it was. So we had about six months from our last show till our next one, it didn’t feel like enough time to be honest. I mean the baby wasn’t due for another month so it was like we were going to be touring with a five month old. We couldn’t imagine it but we knew we had to make it work. We only been back home for a little over a week though when Patrick went into labor. He was about two weeks early and he completely freaked out. Like rationally we knew the baby would be fine but with what had happened earlier in the pregnancy he freaked. Especially as our mums had told us nearly the whole pregnancy to be ready for the baby to be late, apparently both Patrick and I had been.  I think it all got too much for Patrick when he went into labor, he had been holding so much in his whole pregnancy and it all kind of just came out, we were young and although our careers were starting to kick off we didn’t have much. We lived in some small crappy apartment, with Joe and Andy at the time. We had only really had a week at home to prepare so not everything was ready.

His whole labor way a lot for him and I know he doesn’t have the fondest memories of it, he’s not had any of the other kids in the hospital because of how much he hated this. It was a lot, for both of us. He was in labor for a little over 24 hours and he was amazing. Our son was born at thirteen minutes past twelve in the morning and honestly it was scary but it was amazing at the same time. Joe and Andy spent the whole 24 hours sitting in the waiting room after Patrick’s mum they were the first people to meet him. Honestly when they came in they looked almost as tired as I did.”

 “Obviously Joe has gone on to have two kids of his own since then, where you and Patrick there for that?”

 “Yeah, not quite to the extent that he was with us but yeah we were there. When Joe had his first kid Patrick was pregnant so sitting around in a hospital waiting room for hours wasn’t really in the question. We went down into the hospital when his wife first went into labor and then we came back right after the baby was born because he asked us to. When he had his second we had two three and a bit year olds and a one year old, our eldest was only 13 so he wasn’t old enough to look after them so it wasn’t till they brought the baby home that we were actually able to go and meet them. I mean Joe and Marie totally understood, they had an almost four year old themselves so they knew. They hadn’t been able to come to meet our youngest till he was almost a week old but there was a lot to that as well.”

 “So if we look back to your first son, what happened after his birth?”

 “Yeah, probably best to keep on track. After he was born everything was about him, I mean that’s what happens when you have a kid. Patrick got a little post partem depression after but it wasn’t bad and after some help he was okay. We spent a lot of our time that wasn’t on Bronx working on our next album. It was still the early stages but we did get a lot of it done in those five months at home. A lot of the shit we did ended up being scrapped, especially some of the stuff I wrote but a lot of it also got used and I think when we went back to touring we only a few songs left to work on. It wasn’t easy, I’m not going to lie. I started the beginnings of what would be my clothing line, Patrick and I started Decadence properly then. We got a lot done for having abbay at home. We came out like officially with our relationship and with Bronx.

We hadn’t been too forthcoming through Patrick’s pregnancy, there was a lot of speculation during our tour, was he pregnant, was he sick, was he just putting on a lot of weight. That was big and all over the place. But you know it was 2005, the world wasn’t as open as it is now and at the time both of us had been too afraid of how the world would react if they found out. But after Bronx was born we realized it would be a little hard to keep it quiet and we didn’t really know if we wanted to honestly. So everyone found out about us. It went a lot better than both of us had been worried it would, all our proper fans were supportive, excited and happy for a lot of them actually. But we did have to go back on tour when he was only five months.”

“That must have been really hard? From what you’ve told people in the past you brought your son on tour with you, is that right?”

“Yeah, we brought Bronx with us.” Pete confirmed with a small nod, he and Patrick often brought their kids on tour with them, especially now when a lot of the times they had hotel rooms and longer between shows. “It wasn’t even a question for either of us to be honest. We knew he wouldn’t have a normal childhood but being away from us for months at a time wouldn’t be normal either. Having him with us was the best solution either of us could come up with. And neither of us wanted to be away from him. Patrick was still feeding him so really Bronx couldn’t be away from us. There were some arguments, especially when we continued to work on the next album and made it a set thing. We couldn’t get out of the tour we were still doing but another album would mean another tour and as Bronx would only be one when the next album came out Patrick was worried it would all be too soon and too much. But ultimately we knew we were still a young band and we needed to keep releasing stuff, so the album got finished and planned out during this tour. Things got hard and they ended up getting harder as time went on, we didn’t know what at the time though.”

 “What was it all like for you and Patrick? Touring with a baby so young?”

 “It was hard, I mean to some degree its harder being on tour with a toddler because they move around and can talk back but Bronx was really young and it was hard. We had to leave Bronx with people when we performed, we had a few people we left him with and honestly they were amazing. He was always a relatively easy baby but still it can’t have been easy for them. I liked being able to be more public with things, Patrick didn’t, but I did. I think I always wanted the fame side of thing where for him it was really about the music. We had fights about that and when my nudes got leaked it was kind of this told you so moment for Patrick. Although he was obviously there for me and didn’t say that he’s definitely used it since to keep things more private. And it did make me back down a little with that. Although I did like the fame I didn’t want pictures of myself like that out there, I could just picture my kid older and their friends finding it and making fun of them.

And I definitely didn’t want my kids having their pictures, their private moments out there. I wanted to have as much control of what of their lives was out there. We found a middle ground but I was young back then and I did like to push things, especially with Patrick. All our fans wanted to know about our son and to some extent I was happy to tell them, he was not.”

 “I could only imagine how much your fans wanted to know about it, a child between two members of the band, especially when you and Patrick were kind of the front men back then.”

 “Yeah, I appreciated it. Like these people had never even met us but they loved us and I loved being able to give them what they wanted. But Patrick’s never been as big with those things. He’s still not. He has an Instagram and a twitter, X, but he doesn’t use either of them anymore. It’s never been his thing and while to some extent he’s gotten used to it and even likes parts of it he really didn’t back then and especially not when it came to Bronx. Back then I think I was so focused on making the band work that I didn’t really realize how hard it all was for him. I regret that now of course I do. Bronx was with us most of that tour, I think he spent a week or two with Patrick’s parents at one point but he was always with us pretty much. I don’t think Patrick would have been able to take being away from him the whole tour, I don’t know if I could have to be honest.”

Annie nodded slowly before she looked down at the piece of paper seat in front her, it was a list of this Pete had sent to her. It was the things he wanted to make sure she brought up and the list of things he wanted her to push him on. “Yours’s and Patrick’s relationship. How would you say it was at the time, do you think things were stained?”

 “Yeah I would say things were strained between us.” Pete confirmed with a small nod. He didn’t even like thinking back to how things had been between himself and Patrick and he knew talking about it was only going to feel worse. “I mean things got worse between us later, we didn’t have a good few years there. And for the most part things weren’t bad there was just moments that were horrible. I wasn’t putting in enough effort to really try and understand how he was feeling about everything at the time, and that’s on me. But not that long into our tour Bronx got pretty sick. We had to take him to the hospital after a show, it was just some really bad 48 hour fever and he was fine. We spent the night in the hospital with him and had to cancel and post pone our next few shows. It was horrible. That beat out how scared I was when we had the scare while Patrick was pregnant.

The rest of the tour was pretty normal to be honest, not much happened and we were able to make it all work with Bronx. We got the next album out in early 2007 and everything kind of carried on the same to be honest.”

From what I’ve heard you two got engaged at some point in 2007 am I correct?”

“Yeah, kind of.” Pete agreed with a small nod a small smile pulled on his lips. “I mean it wasn’t legal for us to get married at the time so it wasn’t really an engagement to be honest. We had rings and all but it was more just the promise that when we could get married we would. We talked about it a lot and stuff so it was really nice but not much came of it at the time. And to be honest after that the rest of our tour was normal.”

“Nothing really happened on your next tour?” Annie asked softly knowing what was about to come and not really wanting to bring it up, but Pete had made her promise before the start of the interview and she wasn’t going to break that. “

“No, I wouldn’t say that nothing happened. We toured pretty much the whole of the next year, we brought Bronx with us through it all and he was older now. He was one through this all and to some extent that made having him with us harder. He could walk and boy did he love to walk. So it was all about following him around and making sure he got out to play enough between shows. He stayed with Patrick’s parents a little more through this tour though. It was easier for us and for him to have little breaks I think. Patrick about half way through the tour found out he was pregnant again, it was a shock like with Bronx but it was a shock we were both instantly happy about.”

“The two of you didn’t have another child in 2008, at least as far as the public was aware you didn’t. What happened?”

“Patrick lost the baby.” Pete told her and the air around them grew somber as he looked down at his lap. “It was after a show, it felt like a reply of what happened while Patrick was pregnant with Bronx. But this time it was so much worse. Apparently the pain had started with like four songs left on the set, Patrick says he knew straight away what was happening. I could only imagine the pain and everything he was feeling for the rest of the set but he carried on playing right through to the end. I honestly don’t know how he did it. He had this kind of defeated and pained look on his face when we came off stage and he told us what was happening with the calmest voice. That freaked me about just as much I think.

We took him to the hospital and he lost the baby. It hurt a hell of a lot. We had only known for about two weeks, but it was horrible. Both of us had already fallen in love with this baby. He took a few days off from touring to heal but then Patrick insisted we go back to it, I think he wanted the distraction. About a week after he sent Bronx back to his mums for I think it must have been two almost three weeks. It was the longest he spent away from us. But I think Patrick needed it.”

Annie looked over at Pete softly, able to see how much that time of his life was obviously still paining him and she really did wish there was something she could do about it, but there wasn’t and she was just going to have to carry on. She gave him a few minutes to gather his thoughts and get his composure back before she did though.

“What happened with the rest of the tour and the next album?”

“After that the tour really was drama free and kind of boring. We’ll not boring cause I don’t think I could ever find touring boring but it was normal. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. It was a great tour, a good year other than that. We took a break from that kind of touring the next year. We did a few odd shows at the beginning of 2008 but we didn’t tour till October. That was down to a lot of things. The next album just wasn’t coming to us as easily as Infinity on high had. We really needed that break to actually be able to get a start on it, to get anywhere. I think if we had to do that album while touring we wouldn’t have gotten anywhere and Folie probably exist.

Before we really started the album Joe had gone to Patrick and basically told him that he and Andy wanted more of a contribution to making the songs. Patrick and I had moved out of the small apartment and into our own small hour by that point and I think back on it now, there really was this divide between Andy and Joe and Me and Patrick when it came to the writing and making of an album. They got really involved with this album.”

“That change the whole making process of the album, do you think that’s why it might not have gone as smoothly?”

“No, not at all.” Pete shock his head quickly and Annie could tell straight away how much he meant what he was saying. “I mean, it was different but it wasn’t what made the album difficult to write. It was the relationship between Patrick and I at the time that did. I mean Joe and Andy have worked with us through every other album since then and none of them have been as hard to make as that one was. We didn’t really change much about how we wrote it either. I mean pretty much all the lyrics where still written by me and Patrick still did a lot of the score it was kind of just we came together and did more together. Joe and Andy had a say in all the songs and how they finally ended up sounding. That was one of the best things to come out of Folie, it changed our music and really it just made it even more our music as a band. We all had that final say in the song and all of our opinions were taken into account.

The rest of it was hell for the most part. Patrick and I normally gelled really well when it came to writing making song’s, we did not at all on that album. I mean Patrick through things and broke a guitar. I shouted. It was not fun. I think our relationship had begun to get really strained after we lose the baby and that come through with this. It was not a good time for our relationship and that really came through with us making this album.”

“Losing the baby played a bit part of this. You think that?”

“Yeah.” Pete confirmed with a small nod as he couldn’t stop himself from fiddling with his wedding ring. “It was one of the worst times of our lives and I know Patrick blamed himself at the time. It took a big tole on us. I blamed me and he blamed himself it was not a good mix and it showed. There was a rift and I think it started with that. Patrick kind of became obsessed with getting pregnant again once he was fully healed. I mean I wanted a baby but I didn’t want to rush it. We tried and nothing happened for a long time. The fact that we were trying so hard put even more of a strain on us when nothing happened. I honestly don’t know how wither of us didn’t break even more then we already did. It was a lot to happen all at once.

“Obviously you released Folie and toured for it but you all took a break from the band after, when did you guys make that decision? To take a break?”

Pete looked back up from where he had been staring down at his hands to look over at Annie as he tried to think this through. It was hard to pinpoint the exact time they had decided but he knew what really led up to it. “It was really during the making of the album that it first started to come up to be honest. But it wasn’t till the album was actually released that it was brought up. Patrick was the first to bring it up, it was his idea. Things weren’t the same, the album wasn’t doing as well as the last one, and as we started to tour for it we realized there was a lot of fans that didn’t like it. At all. It hurt to see how many people were hating it and making it known to us that they were. Patrick I think struggled the most mentally through it all. Losing the baby, him not seeming to be able to get pregnant, the album and the reaction from it. His eating habits got a little bad during that tour. He wasn’t eating unhealthy really I think he was just eating his feelings and I started abusing my medication. I’m on stuff for my insomnia and my bi-polar and my anxiety and I was taking too much of it all. I was feeling numb and I somehow convinced myself that meant I had to take more.

It was hard for all of us and when Patrick brought it up in a meeting at the beginning of 2009 everyone other than myself took it well. Andy felt like it was needed, especially for Joe and Patrick. He said that the two of them were so young and had been in this band for all their adult lives. He thought we all needed time to know who we were away from the band. I see now that it was a good thing, I didn’t not at the time. I was so caught up in the band that I couldn't see how it was a good thing. I wouldn't admit it was a hiatus for the longest time, not even to fans. It kind of felt like it was the end of the band not just a break. ``

 “You guys released Believers never die before you took your break, whose idea was that?”

 “Andy’s.” Pete told her with a small shake of his head. “He’s always had this sort of obsession with best hits albums, he had cases of them in the van’s we had for us to listen to. He says there something about them that’s better than an album. We picked the songs that had done the best and some personal favorites. Patrick felt very disconcerted from the reception of Folie and he hadn’t wanted to include any in it, we convinced him otherwise and we added some extra tracks to the end. It was actually a pretty fun album to put together. We did that and it was released about a month after our last performance. During the last leg of that tour Patrick found out he was pregnant. It felt like something good was coming for us.”

Annie tried to hide the sad look that crossed her face at that but she wasn’t able to. She hated that things were obviously so hard for two people she could see where good people. Things didn’t sound easy for any of the band back then. She knew what she was going to say was just going to bring more bad memories up for Pete and she wished she didn’t have to, but she did.

You two lost this baby as well, right?”

 “Yeah we did.” Pete confirmed with a small nod as he looked back down at his hands, he didn’t think he could be looking anyone in the eyes as he said this. “Patrick went in for his twenty week scan and found out there was no heartbeat. It was so much harder than with the other baby. We had gotten to the half way point. We had seen the baby a few times, heard their heartbeat. We knew it was a girl. Things between Patrick and I were not good at the time and I had been putting all my effort into work, trying to make new music, Decadence. All of it. And sadly I wasn’t there for the appointment. It had been Joe with Patrick. He had to give birth two days after we found out the baby was dead.

It was the hardest day of both of our lives. We held her and we named her. I won’t be telling you what we named her, that’s something between Patrick and I. our family’s know but it’s not something we will ever make pubic knowledge. Things got worse between us after that and I ended up messing up big time, the biggest.”

Pete took a long sigh as he tried to think of the best way to say this. He knew most people reading this would probably guess where he was going by this but he didn’t want to say it. He hated what he did, it was the worst mistake of his entire life. But ultimately it was something he did.

“I got really depressed after the baby and I abused my medication even more and I mixed it with a lot of alcohol, something you are not supposed to do while taking the medication I have to take. I ended up making a mistake while I was really drunk, I don’t remember a lot of it but I ended up sleeping with someone who was not Patrick. I told him, the next day and he kicked me out. On the spot. Patrick had a big thing for cheating and it wasn’t something he was going to deal with, he made that clear. I left and we were broken up for quite a while. We focused on ourselves after I left, but mostly we focused on Bronx. He was always our main priority.”

“What did you end up doing while the band was on a break?”

 “I tried a few things out at first, I didn’t like the idea of not doing anything but nothing really stuck. Patrick focused a lot on himself during this, I think he needed. I mean he was 16 when we first started and he was only 21 when he has Bronx, same age when he got in a serious relationship. I think he really needed it. He had some health issues, well mostly things that could become pretty serious health issues. So he spent a lot of time getting fitter and working on his health. Then he took a shot at his solo work. I know he loved the sound we had as a band but Patrick loves music and I know getting the chance to really just play around and have fun was something he adored. He put all his effort into it, I took on a lot of the duties with Bronx during that time. I was more than happy to, Patrick wasn’t not there far from it but I took the main role because I really wanted things to work for him you know.

I didn’t not focus on myself though, I carried on with Decadence and my own stuff but I was also focusing on myself. I needed to get a handle on my medication and even though we weren’t together at the time Patrick was great with that, I went back to therapy and I think for the first time kind of all my life I got a proper handle on things. I was growing up, I had a kid who had the chance of having what I have and I wanted to make sure I knew how to handle it so that if he needed the help I could help him.”

“You and Patrick obviously got back together, when did that happen?”

“It was while he was doing his tour for soul punk.” Pete said and this soft smile came back over his face, Annie had noticed it through their interview and she knew it was for Patrick. She could already tell they were a sweet couple and she had only properly talked to one of them. “He put all of his effort into that and it just didn’t do well, I tried to bring Bronx along to as many stops as I could. I knew he would need it and I know how much he hated being away from him. It was kind of during all that, we got closer again and the trust I had lost started to come back. We didn’t just one day get back together, it wasn’t like that. It was slow and it wasn’t always that great at points but we got back to what we used to be by the time he was home, it was amazing. We were a family again.”

 “How much did you and Patrick keep in touch with Joe and Andy through the break?”

 “Um, it wasn’t as much as we had been and it wasn’t as much as we’ve kept in touch since when we’ve had little breaks from each other. Joe and Andy were working together in a band at the time so I knew they kept really close and at first we all did. I mean as I said Joe was the one to take Patrick to the hospital when he lost the baby, he and Marie took Bronx for us for about two weeks after that and they were great babysitters the whole time. I went to Andy’s house when Patrick kicked me out, I stayed there for a few weeks and he was more than happy to let me stay for longer if I had to. I stayed in contact more than Patrick did but I feel like he can be like that. In his own words he can be a little bit flakey.

It was a time to kind of find ourselves out side of the band and away from each other really. We kept in touch but sometimes we would got a few months without seeing each other. Patrick was dealing with a lot, he lost a lot of weight for his health and during his soul punk tour people commented on it and it affected him. I think it made him withdraw a little because he had always worried about the way he looked, at least after Bronx and I think he was finally at a point where he was happy in his body and then he had everyone saying shit about. It kind of all came over him and he closed in on himself a little. It wasn’t really until Joe got married that we all properly got back into contact with each other.”

 “You guys came back together in 2012, well technically 2013, am I right?”

 “Yeah.” Pete confirmed with a small nod. “It was right at the beginning of 2012 that Patrick and I got talking and this urge to make fall out boy style music kind of came to us. Nothing really happened at first I’m not going to lie. I had never stopped writing lyrics even when I wasn’t releasing anything and Patrick is pretty much always writing music, even back then. So it wasn’t like we weren’t able to it was more like nothing quite sounded right. We did get a few songs finished but we’ve never actually used any of them as they just weren’t quite right. We gave up on them before we even talked to Joe and Andy. I think back on it now and things were still new between Patrick and I then and I think maybe that was why it didn’t work out. I think what’s always worked between the two of us and writing is that we’ve always been this pair and when we’re not our writing just doesn’t hit the same.

I also think that as I had only moved back in a few months before neither one of us wanted to risk what we were re building by starting the band off again. That was definitely a fear for us at the start. But then a few months later I was away for the weekend, in LA I think and I had these lyrics that I had written down and I just sent them to Patrick one night and by the time I got home he had this song. It sounded great and it kind of just all fell into place after that. I mean it was a lot of hard work to get the band back together but after that song everything just seemed to kind of work.”

 “That must have been pretty great for you especially. Considering you said you weren’t really down for the break when it first happened.”

 “Yeah i mean I was really happy when we made the decision to do another album.” Pete confirmed with a small nod as he once again fiddled with his wedding ring. “I mean I was happy without the band at that point, it had been long enough and i had gotten used to it but then Bronx was seven almost eight and he was growing up. He was in school and at the time Patrick and I had no plans on having any more kids. So it kind of seemed like the best time to start the band back up. And I think it was kind of the last puzzle piece to make things normal again, in my life in general and with Patrick.”

 “How was Bronx, when the band got back together and the two of you started to tour again?” Annie smiled over at Pete as asked, she was honestly glad that things seemed to be getting to a lighter topic right now. “I mean, he wouldn’t have been able to bring him on tour with you guys as much this time, would you?”

 “He was actually surprisingly good with it all to be honest.” Pete admitted with a small laugh. “Neither Patrick nor I had really stopped with performing nor working so wasn’t it that big a shock to him. He was a little annoyed cause he wasn’t going to get to come on us as much the tour as he used to, but with school it just wasn’t an option to have him with us all the time, we did have him with us for a lot of it though. We made it all work. Things never got quite as busy or insane as they did before the hiatus so I think that helped him settle into it. We released save rock and roll and we did that whole video serious for it, that was fun and I really enjoyed it. Patrick did as well, it was the first music video we had done in quite a while were he didn’t feel really insecure. Patrick started working on the next album pretty quickly after we finished that one, but he’s always working on some kind of music so even though he was working on it we didn’t really have any plan on when it would come out, I don’t think a lot of what he did then actually got used.

We started the Save Rock And Roll tour and it’s actually our longest to date, it was a year and a half. A lot of hard work but it was fun. We re-released the album with PAX AM Days on it a few months after the album was first released, to be honest that was us having fun more than anything. We had gone with a slightly different sound with save rock and roll but with that it was music we really loved and we didn’t feel would fit in the album. It only took us two days to record that, it was easy flowing and that was what we needed because Save rock and roll wasn’t the easiest to do. We were coming back together as a band and we needed that. Working with Elton John on that album and then getting to do a cover of one of his songs was amazing as well. I know Patrick was loving it.”

 “Patrick was pregnant again during this tour wasn’t he?”

 “Yeah he was.” Pete confirmed with a small nod. “We found out at the end of our tour for the album that he was. It wasn’t a plan, not at all. But we were so happy about it as soon as we found out. We had only been back together for two years at this point so kids wasn’t something we had really started talking about again. We had the monumentour with Paramore planned for right after the save rock and roll tour so Patrick was looking forward to that and he decided pretty quickly that he was going to be able to tour though his pregnancy again. Our last date of the tour was scheduled for a little more than a month before the baby was due so he knew he would be able to do it.”

 “Through your first tour, when Patrick was pregnant, it wasn’t really known by the fans that he was. You all did a good job at hiding it. But for this tour you announced the pregnancy before it even started. That was a big change, what made you make that decision?”

 “Well we ended up finding out during a little break in the tour, and we found out it was twins pretty much straight away. There was a lot that went into our decision to tell everyone. Patrick’s not very big on social media so he would have been happy not making an official announcement or anything. But he started to show rather quickly, with it not being his first pregnancy and being twins we kind of knew it was going to happen. Through all his pregnancies Patrick has had really bad morning sickness and we you know didn’t want it to effect the shows or anything but we knew it could and we wanted to kind of have the fans involved. We didn’t have to cancel or postpone any shows but if we did we wanted um the fans to know.

We were planning on keeping the twins out of the spotlight more than we did with Bronx, we haven’t kept them completely out of it because we know realistically we can’t but we do what we can and the last thing I wanted was to put pressure on Patrick to have to keep the pregnancy a secret. You know Patrick’s always had this fluctuating weight and when people see him put on weight theirs rumors and talk everyone about our relationship and things going wrong and we wanted to stop all of that as well. It was all about making this as easy as possible for Patrick and this was the only way really.”

“The fans ended up being amazing about everything didn’t they?”

 “They were yeah, they were all great about it.” Pete agreed with a small laugh as he reached a hand up to run it through is hair. “I mean everyone was so excited for us and the amount of love we got for it on twitter and during our tour was amazing, there was fans with posters at shows and there was this whole thread on twitter of bump shots. That bothered Patrick a little at first but we have a lot of them printed out now and at home, it was like this little progression of his pregnancy recorded for us. The whole things honestly felt so different to Patrick’s pregnancy with Bronx. We were young and just trying to start out when we had him and we were excited of course we were but it felt differed, there was a lot of fear and worry during that pregnancy.

This time it was like we could focus on our excitement more and the fans were there to celebrate it with us as well. We didn’t have as much to worry about this time. Patrick and I were solid, we had a house and we already had a kid. It was probably Patrick’s best pregnancy for him he’s said that. The excitement from everyone was amazing and he was amazing during the whole tour. Like I generally don’t understand how he’s able to do what he does while pregnant because I couldn’t imagine having to. The tour was great and we made it all work with the pregnancy and Bronx.”

“How long after you finished the tour was it that Patrick gave birth to the twins?”

 “It was a little over a month when Patrick went into labor. Patrick hadn’t enjoyed his labor with Bronx and he hadn’t felt comfortable giving birth in the hospital, because it was twins they wanted him to have a C-section but it wasn’t something he was comfortable with. He wanted a home birth. But between him being a man and it being twins a home birth was too risky. We ended up having the twins at this birthing center. We had a room to ourselves and there was very little interference from people so it was as close to a home birth as we could have while making sure that Patrick would have whatever help he needed if something went wrong.

Nothing did thank god. He was in labor for almost a day but he felt a lot more comfortable this time and that was clear. It was just me and his mum with him and I was able to actually catch both babies when they were born. Honestly it was the most amazing experience. I know Patrick was obviously in a lot of pain but he’s said that it was what he needed to make it bearable. And once they were here it was great. Getting to be the first person to hold my kids and being able to hand them over to Patrick straight away was honestly the best feeling.”

 “I can only imagine. You two have talked about their names once after they were born but one of your twins has a really sentimental name, if I’m remembering right?”

“Yeah. I guess you could say that.” Pete nodded slowly. “Obviously the end of our tour was really close to Patrick’s due date and twins tend to come early so there was this worry that they wouldn’t make it to the end of the tour before they decided to make their grand appearance. So there was this joke between all four of us that these babies would be saints if they made it till the end of tour. So when they were born Patrick and I just kind of look at the babies and knew one of them needed to be called that. Everyone makes the assumption that it’s for something religious, but neither of us really are so it doesn’t have anything to do with that. It was just this running joke that felt sentimental once the babies actually made it. Declan was a name Patrick had always loved. It was his first pick for Bronx before we found the name Bronx. So there’s not really anything sentimental with that other then it was just a name we both loved.”

“I personally think it’s a really sweet name, all three of them. I believe that it wasn’t that long after you had the twins that you and Patrick ended up getting married, right?”

“Yeah.” Pete said with a small laugh as he thought back to that day for a second. “We had been talking it about it because it was legal now and we had known being married was something we wanted to happen at some point. Patrick didn’t want to get married while he was pregnant so we waited till the twins were a little bit over three months before we did it. It was small and intimate neither of us wanted this big spectacular but it was amazing and I am honestly so glad we did it when we did. It felt like it was the right time for us. We waited so long for it but we got to have three of our kids with us on the day and because Patrick wasn’t pregnant we got to have a pretty great Stag do.”

“I believe little things have been mentioned about that over the years to imply that it was pretty wild.”

“A little bit yeah.” Pete confirmed with a small nod. “Patrick did end up getting pretty drunk that night, I did as well. We had babies at home and a night off with a lot of alcohol around, it was bound to happen.”

“I guess when you put it that way it is. You also ended up releasing your next song not too long after the twins were born, am I right?”

 “Yeah we did, we didn’t really have a timeline to be honest when it came to American Beauty/American Phsyco it was really just whenever we finished it we would release it. Patrick and I had the twins and Joe and his wife Marie had a little girl only a few months before the twins were born so there was a lot going on for all of us. We didn’t want to put too much pressure on the next album but at the same time we were having fun writing it. When the first song was ready we released it then we did the same with the album, we did tour the next year and a bit with it, an American leg and European one and that was it for a little while, after the album remix. But we took a little break.”

 “Did you guys plan it like that?”

 “Yeah kind of, Patrick and I talked about it while we were touring, we had been trying for another baby. We both wanted to have at least one more and he personally said he wanted a chance to experience having a baby while not touring. He wanted this laid back peaceful pregnancy. Which I totally agree, he’s a private person a lot more then I am so when we’re touring and he’s pregnant it’s almost like everything has to be public. It wasn’t like an official break, it was more a break from touring then anything. We continued to work on the next album as it came but for the most part we just took our time with it. We changed things up with that album and I think we just needed our time. Patrick did end up finding out he was pregnant while we were still touring but most of the pregnancy was while we weren’t touring and when I think back on it I am so glad for that.”

“Whys that?”

“It wasn’t an easy pregnancy, Patrick had really severe symptoms through the whole thing and his morning sickness stuck around for almost the whole thing to be honest. It was just a really difficult time for both of us and our son ended up being born a little early, he had to spend a few days in the NICU but we luckily got to take him home before he was a week old.”

 “You had all boys at this point.”

 “Yeah, all boys. I was a little thankful for that at the time, I’m not going to lie. I know now that having a girl isn’t as hard as I had been worried about but at the time I did not know if I was going to be able to handle a girl.”

“You and Patrick kind of fell away from the social eye a little after the baby was born.”

“We did, Patrick got post partem depression after our son was born. A lot happened during the pregnancy and a lot happened when Antero was born and it all kind of caught up to him. He was depressed and I know the last thing he wanted was for that to be out there. Antero was about four months when I finally announced that we had another kid and that was really all for Patrick. I knew if I announced it people would want to know more and he just wasn’t up for it. We caught the depression before it got really bad and Patrick got help for it. But it was still a few really shitty months and Patrick really did suffer a lot. As he was getting better he was writing a lot and I was writing a lot during it all. We ended up with a few songs that will honestly never even be made, a lot of the stuff I ended up writing was really personal, too personal to ever actually go past me and Patrick.

He started to get better and he wanted to record a lot after that. So we started on the next album, Mania and we releases that at the end of 2017, it’s different but I personally really love the album. I know it got mixed reviews when it first came out but I’m personally really proud of it. Obviously there was a lot more to it all then I’m saying but neither Patrick nor I really want to bring back up that time so I’m not going to go into detail but the album was really what he needed and we made things work. That’s all a big part of the reason why there wasn’t a proper tour for Mania, we did a lot shows but not a full tour. We didn’t actually tour again till the hella mega tour, but of course things ended up being cut short.”

 “Like most things did in 2020.”

 “Yeah like most thing.” Pete agreed with a small laugh. “I was in LA when things started and I ended up actually catching Covid. It was crap, I didn’t have any really bad or sever symptoms but I was stuck in LA while the rest of the family was stuck in Chicago. I obviously couldn’t go home, the laws weren’t in place yet but we had a three year old, and three other kids. Plus Patrick has mild asthma which put him on the vulnerable list, so it was about a month and a half I ended up spending in LA before I had been clear for long enough that I actually felt comfortable coming home. Patrick had found out he was pregnant while I was gone so that kind of made me even more nervous to come back to them, didn’t want to give to anyone at home.”

“You two kept this pregnancy secret, like completely secret. You didn’t announce it till the baby was a month old.”

“We did.” Pete confirmed as he looked down at his lap, a soft smile on his face. “At first the pregnancy was a little difficult for Patrick, it got easier as the pregnancy went on but I think he had a lot of fear about things going wrong. But as I’ve said Patrick is pretty private and you know with the rules and regulations in place there didn’t feel like there was this need to tell everyone. We were kept indoors for months and no one was going to be able to find out so this was kind of between us as a family. It made the pregnancy feel kind of special, you know. We had the baby during the lockdown, our daughter.”

“You two did kind of go off grid during lockdown?”

“Yeah, I’m not going to lie it wasn’t an easy time for us. I mean Marvel was the best part of it and she did kind of keep things from getting too deep. But between being stuck in doors and having a new baby and Patrick dealing with post partem. He didn’t get it bad like he did with Antero but he was a little down and it was a little hard at first. Plus Joe was struggling a lot during the lock down. It wasn’t the easiest time and all four of us kind of found ourselves kind of hiding a little I guess. I got pretty depressed, I don’t do too well being in once place and I didn’t help myself because I kind of locked myself away a little. As laws started to get lifted Patrick started to take the kids out more, he obviously put some weight on during his pregnancy and people saw him and for some reason theirs been this connection between his weight and our relationship and I remember seeing a lot of speculation going around about our marriage and his health.

I think it made it all a little worse and for a while things weren’t that great, Patrick was the one that pushed me into writing and once we were able to he pushed us all as a band to make another album, with my depression I had kind of deiced that I didn’t want to continue as a band, I know now that was never really what I wanted. But at the time it seemed the right decision. Patrick is who everyone really has to thank for so much (for) Stardust. I love the album, and I know for Joe it was exactly the sort of music he needed to make.”

 “Did the two of you consider any more kids after your daughter, or for in the future?”

 “No.” There was not a second of hesitation from Pete and Annie couldn’t stop herself from letting out a small laugh at that. “I love all my kids, them and Patrick are the most important things to me but five kids is where I draw the line, they are enough to handle. I know Patrick agrees with me on that. Well actually I mean after Marvel was born we did kind of want another and we did try, it didn’t work out for us, we ended up having a miscarriage and other then that we didn’t have any luck, so we kind of decided it was the world telling us no more kids. You know. We are more than happy with the kids we have and we don’t need any more to be happy. I think Bronx would kill us if we had another kid anyway. Especially as Patrick’s over 40 now, I was 40 when Marvel was born. We’re getting old.”

“You guys released your new album and did tour tours for it, a world tour then a second leg just in the US.”

“We did yeah, Joe took a little step back for his own health during the release and promotion for this album. He came back for the tour and that was kind of our plan. So the promotion for it felt a little weird with just three of us. But we made it work even with two toddlers with us through most of it. The new album does really reflect how we all felt while writing it. It can be a bit depressing at points and it was a very long album to write at points. Patrick was pretty set on making it perfect. It was annoying but at the end the album is at the top I am most proud of.”

“Patrick’s been doing a lot of other work outside of fall out boy since lock down. Has that put a hold on any fall out boy work?”

“No, not really.” Pete shock his head as he looked back up at Annie, and she could quickly spot the proud look on his face. “He didn’t take on any additional work while we were doing the album, it was towards the end when everything was finished. A lot of it he did while we were touring, it was a lot for him. He was doing a movie and a TV show at once at one point and there was points in time he didn’t think he was going to make deadlines, even a couple times he had to get them extended. But he’s really proud of it all and so am I. He’s a little nerd and our kids are as well, so it excited him. Antero and Marvel have watched both things and they love knowing that all the music for it was their dads. We all honestly had so much fun on that tour and the kids all got to come on so much of it. We headlined Download in the UK, which was amazing for all of us.”

“You guys are preparing to release another album soon, am i right? First one in five years.”

“Yeah we are, it’s pretty much finished and we are planning on having it out some point next year.” Pete confirmed with a small nod. “It’s been nice to have a little down time, but really we all love making music so it’s also been really nice to write and produce another album. The kids are all getting older now so.”

 “They are. Bronx is turning 22 this year I believe?”

“In a couple of weeks actually.” Pete confirmed with a small nod. “It’s kind of incase to be honest with you, he’s been out of the home for two years now. The twins are 13 and Antero’s 11 and Marvel’s 8. It’s insane how old there all getting.”

“What made you decide to come and do this?”

Pete stopped talking for a long second as he fiddled with his wedding ring. “Um, I’m not sure. There’s been a lot of speculation recently that Patrick and I have split up, we have not. I can ensure everyone that and when you look closely into fans and fan websites and were fan’s post you see so much speculation over things and I kind of wanted to just set things right and get the chance to put my story on everything out there. I would much rather people knew the whole truth of things, well as much as we feel comfortable sharing at least, then them speculate worse things.

I promise people that Patrick and I are fine, our relationship is fine. Fall out boy is still going really well, we are still a band even if we don’t have things coming out every two years. We’re just all older now, we have families. Things are as urgent, we just do things as a band when we have music that we are proud of. We’ve been working on music since so much (for) stardust we just didn’t want to actually release anything until we had things we were proud of. We have that now.”

“So this was mostly to set things straight and to give people inside into the past.”

“Yeah, I don’t mind people speculating about things. We’ve all put ourselves out there for the world and it’s bound to happen but when it comes to Patrick’s weight, his health, the kids and our relationship it matters to me and I just felt this need to get things out there. Joe did his book and he said it really helped and I thought something like this would help me as well.”

“Has it helped you?”

“I think so yeah.”