Work Text:
"How is she?"
Seokjin is tempted not to answer the question directed at him. So much has happened today, and his nerves are shot from everything that had transpired. If only he listened to his common sense, if only he fought for you. If only, if only.
"Hyung—"
He pulls his wrist away from Hoseok's grasp, ignoring the hurt painted in the younger's eyes when he does so.
"Why don't you go see her and find out for yourself?"
"I don't think—"
"Don't think what, Hoseok? That she's worth fighting for? That this shit's been dragging for too long and that maybe, just maybe, she deserves better than what we're doing to her."
Hoseok hangs his head in shame.
"I stand by what I said. This is no time to be neutral about it. You and Jimin, what did she ever do to the two of you to let the others get their way?"
Seokjin sighs heavily.
"She never asked anything from us, she did things for us that we didn't even know about without shoving it in our faces. She never even asked us to love her, but we do. I do, Hoseok. I love her, no matter how much you all beg me not to."
Seokjin tilts Hoseok's face tenderly.
"I do love her, Hobi. Don't you, too?"
Hoseok knows to himself that he does.
Seokjin is wrong. Hoseok's never really been neutral at all. Stoic about it, yes; he didn't want to break apart the group, after all. But in his heart, he slowly but surely fell in love with you. There's nothing neutral about it, he just learned how to be quiet about it.
In the times he sees you (without you seeing him), he sees your kindness shine. In your industry and this cutthroat world, you never let those old money sons of bitches trample on you, but he has yet to see you be as callous and evil even towards those who deserve it.
He remembers seeing you almost cry in indignance when a project went wrong and threatened employment displacement for those who are not at fault, even when they're not your employees. He had been watching and listening in secret from afar, but he could see how you wanted to burn your office to the ground when you knew that taking an important and needed step would mean that hundreds of families might potentially lose stable income.
He had seen you go undercover in the middle of the night so you could almost buy out an entire convenience store, just so you could feed the homeless one cold night.
He had seen you adopt your (now nth) cat Nori because you had seen it lost and without its mother on the sidewalk.
He had seen you love them from afar and mask it when they're around, even when it hurts him to watch too because that's all he can do when his hands are tied and he's had to keep it to himself or risk hurting their group.
He's seen you love them unconditionally, but not beg an ounce of it back because that's how love should be.
He loves you for your kindness, and everything in between.
"It's okay to love her too," Seokjin says in his silence. "It's the right thing to do, Hobi. We don't have to get scared anymore, not when she would go to lengths to give us what she thinks we want.
"But I don't want that." Seokjin drops his hand, sniffing lightly. "I don't want to lose her, not before I can even love her properly. I never wanted that."
"I don't want that, too, but the others—"
"Will come around eventually on their own. It's not our responsibility to do it for them." Seokjin says.
"And if they don't?" Hoseok asks, eyes wide with questions.
Seokjin sighs. "Then we can do nothing for them. It'll be a regret they will have to carry for the rest of their lives."
---
Talking to Jimin went a whole lot easier than expected. He was neutral about the whole thing, but it didn't take long for Seokjin and Hoseok to convince him.
"Hey," Seokjin says in lieu of greeting as Jimin sits on the balcony of his suite. "Can we talk?"
"If this is about what I think it is, I'd rather—"
"Please, Chim." Hoseok is the one who speaks this time. "Hear us out first."
"But the group, hyung." Jimin shakes his head. "I can't risk losing anyone of you."
"On what, the expense of someone else's life? She nearly died, Jimin." He ignores the gasps from both Jimin and Hoseok's lips. "She nearly died."
"What?" Hoseok speaks again. "You never told me this."
Seokjin sighs, his eyes shutting in pain as his mind flashes back to your prone figure lying on the hospital bed. "Yeah," he croaks. "She had to undergo surgery due to some heart damage, and she's in a coma right now."
"Coma?!" Hoseok and Jimin shout in unison. "What do you mean 'coma'?" Jimin stutters.
"She has to recover, so they put her there to help her heal..." Seokjin trails off.
When Seokjin doesn't continue, Hoseok asks, "But?"
"She's still in critical condition. They're not sure if she'll wake up."
"When she'll wake up," Hoseok tries to correct, but Seokjin shakes his head.
"If, Hobi. She had been so sick that she nearly died."
Silence befalls the three of them.
"How's Jungkook?" Jimin eventually asks, to which Seokjin shakes his head gloomily.
"He didn't take it too well. He got into a fight with Jackson."
"That asshole, again?!" Jimin bursts out but Seokjin stops him.
"As much as it pains me to say this, he has more rights to be there than we frankly do. Maybe legally as much, too."
"What?" Hoseok asks. "What do you mean by that?"
"I can't go into technicalities right now. My brain's too fried." Seokjin rubs his aching temples. "But when we left her, Jackson was there for her. She trusts him with everything, and I can't blame her."
"So we can't go see her?" Hoseok whimpers.
"We can." The other two sigh in relief. "But we can't touch her."
"Fuck that, I don't care if I have to put my fist against Jackson's fa—"
"It's not that." Seokjin shakes his head for the nth time that night. "We'll burn her skin. It's a side effect of her treatment."
Jimin can't even describe the emptiness he's feeling right now. When it comes to you, he has always chosen not to get too involved, not when he thinks it can tear their group apart. He doesn't want that, so better be safe than sorry.
Right now, however, he thinks that what was supposed to be safe turned out to be the biggest sorry.
"I'm sorry," Jimin whispers. "It wouldn't be like this had I not been detached from this."
Hoseok shakes his head. "We're all at fault here, remember? We all agreed to this, so there's no sense taking that burden by yourself." But even he feels the same way, the regret heavy in his gut.
"So what do we do now?" They both turn to Seokjin. "We're not banned from seeing her, are we?" Hoseok asks.
"No," Seokjin says firmly. "It would take more than that to ban us by law. We're still her soulmates, after all."
"Can we go visit her?" Jimin asks.
"Not right now, Chim." Seokjin smiles sadly. "We all had a long day, and we still have a lot of things to talk about, so I suggest we take some rest. Okay?"
Hoseok and Jimin look ready to disagree, but both sigh in defeat. Unbeknownst to them, Taehyung is listening in to the whole conversation. When he hears the suggestion to take some rest, he quickly but silently exits out of the room.
---
They all slept fitfully that night. Every time Seokjin tries to close his eyes, all he sees is your figure lying helplessly on your hospital bed. When his body eventually gives in to exhaustion, he dreams of losing you over and over again.
It was horrendous.
He wakes up to a weight on his chest, figuratively and literally.
Jungkook has his arm slung over Seokjin's waist, head tucked between his shoulder and neck. He's sniffling, clearly crying.
"Come 'ere." Seokjin wraps his arm around Jungkook's shoulder. "It's gonna be okay."
"We don't know that," Jungkook sniffs.
"It will be." Seokjin squeezes his arm gently. "We're not yet done making it up to her, so it will be. We haven't even started yet, so we can't lose hope. Not right now, not when she needs us."
"I just want her to be okay," Jungkook sobs.
"And I do, too. But all we can do right now is fight for her." He kisses Jungkook's hair, petting it gently to calm him down. "We can't afford to lose hope if we need to fight for her. Okay?"
Jungkook nods.
"We can visit her again soon. You and me, and Jimin and Hobi."
Jungkook pulls away slightly. "They will?"
Seokjin nods, and Jungkook puts his head back on his chest. "I talked to them last night. It was pretty easy to convince them."
If only it is easy to convince all of them, the thought hangs heavy in the air.
"Hyung?" Jungkook asks after a while. Seokjin just hums. "Do you ever think of what could have been if we didn't turn her away?"
"All the time," Seokjin admits. "I try not to because it's painful, but I always do.
"She's not hard to love." Seokjin swallows the pain in his throat, willing himself not to cry. "She's lovely and kind, and she never once asked us to love her back. That's what stands out the most for me because that love is unconditional."
A tear finally falls from his eye.
"I cannot imagine what pain she went through at all, and I still can't bring myself to because if I do, it'll be the end for me." He shakes his head. "She nearly died because of love—it was supposed to be the other way around. It was supposed to breathe life into you."
"Hyung..." Jungkook whimpers.
"I'm sorry," Seokjin says as he wipes the tears from his eyes. He doesn't know if he's saying sorry for crying, or for the things he failed to do for you.
"I feel like I don't deserve to cry because I failed her."
"That's not true, hyung. You didn't fail her. We'll still fight for her, won't we? That's not failing her."
Seokjin doesn't answer.
"I love you, hyung."
He hugs Jungkook tighter. "I love you too, Kook-ah."
---
The first thing that Seokjin does in the morning is to call Sejin, which was apparently expected of him because Sejin didn't even bat an eyelash, just agreed to come over and talk.
"Hear me out first, please," Seokjin says first thing when he arrives.
Sejin stares him down before sighing in defeat. "I already know where this is heading, Seokjin. I've seen you grow up and I know you better than yourselves sometimes."
"I know, Sejin-nim. But I can't, for the life of me, not try to make things right."
Sejin shakes his head. "You've fucked around, and all of you found out. This is what this is. I can't undo this for you this time."
"I'm not asking you to undo it, Sejin-nim. I'm just asking for your help. We just want to see her as much as we can."
Sejin's expression is pinched.
"She specifically asked not to let you interact with her unless it's for work. My hands are tied."
Seokjin shakes his head, desperation bleeding from his tired eyes. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. We'll be out of there before she even wakes up."
"I—"
"Please, Sejin-nim. She doesn't even need to know."
Sejin takes a moment to respond. He takes a look at the kid he helped raise, at the tired slope of his shoulders and the despair in his eyes.
"Okay." However, before Seokjin can even react, Sejin raises his hand, "But, I have to warn you not to do stupid shit like picking fights with Jackson, as tempting as that sounds. His camp warned us last night."
"We're her soulmates," Seokjin says.
"But Jackson is made next of kin, and he can have you hauled out of the room if he wants to. He just chooses not to for [Name]. So please, be the sensible one."
Seokjin sighs in relief and nods. "Thank you, Sejin-nim."
"Are you taking Jungkook with you?" Sejin asks.
"And Hoseok and Jimin," Seokjin lists. "I'll have them behave, I promise."
Sejin's eyebrows raise at that. "You talked to them?"
Seokjin nods. "Last night. It was pretty easy considering they're both neutral about everything."
"How about the others?"
A shake of the head. "I haven't talked to them," Seokjin says softly. "I can't face them just yet."
Sejin just looks at him and nods. "I understand."
"Can you please ensure that Jackson's not there every time we visit her?"
Sejin nods. "That's easy, but I can't promise that every time. Jackson can only stay or visit for a few days because of his world tour. He's also gearing up for his new album, I think. I'll have to check that out."
Seokjin only nods. He'll take what he can have with you, and he's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
"I also need to talk to her soul therapist," Seokjin says. "I have to know if there is something we can do to help her heal faster."
Sejin narrows his eyes.
"Is that really all, Seokjin?" When Seokjin opens his mouth to refute him, Sejin shakes his head at him. "I just said I know you better than yourself sometimes. This is one of those times."
Fuck.
How can he tell Sejin that he wants to be able to love you wholly and alive without the therapy present? He knows he can't do it with you undergoing the soul-scraping therapy, so he can only think of one way to do it.
"I... I want to know if there is any way her therapy treatments can be stopped." Seokjin swallows. "I can't let her suffer any longer than she already had. I want it to stop."
Sejin tsks. "You do realize that it can't be stopped like that, can it? It cannot be reversed like that. She's under research, for heaven's sake!"
"We don't know that!" Seokjin exclaims. "Maybe it can be stopped, and she can heal slowly. Treatments are being stopped when not working all the time!"
"It is working, and it is not your decision to make, Seokjin!" Sejin's temper flares. "It's not your call to make, not your decision or say, and not your signature on the damn dotted line. Regardless if you're her soulmate, I won't let you do that to her because that's breaking her trust."
"Letting her die is breaking her trust?!"
"Think twice before you say anything further if I were you, Seokjin." Sejin shakes his head in disbelief. "Who put her there in the first place, me? I was merely a messenger."
And he's right, isn't he? It's not Sejin's fault after all. Sejin puts his hands on Seokjin's shoulders gently.
"I understand and want your happiness too, Seokjin. But it's not our call to make." Sejin pauses. "What if this is what she's happy with? Would you take this from her just to make yourself happy?"
"B—but she's dying!" Seokjin sputters. "I don't care about my happiness at this point. I'd rather she hate me alive than see her die."
"It'll be up to the doctors to do their job, and we have to trust them, okay? She'll be okay. She's a fighter, she'd get through this alive."
Seokjin can only nod in defeat.
"I can set up an appointment with Dr. Im, but that's all I can do. I doubt he'll let you stop the treatments, and that's all we can do at this point."
"Okay, Sejin-nim." Seokjin smiles weakly at him. "Thank you."
"Now go get some more rest. God knows you need it."
---
"Jackson's going to be there, so please no picking fights." When none of the four men in the car answers, Sejin continues. "I'm looking at you, Jungkook."
"Yes, Sejin-nim."
"For her sake, let's keep it civil. I've talked to his camp, and they promised to keep him in check, but regardless if he picks a fight, don't be baited."
"Yes, Sejin-nim," they all repeat.
It had been a week since they last saw you. They've been trying to visit more frequently, but they still have appearances and commitments they need to fulfill. It's hard, playing pretend like everything is fine, especially with the other three, but they have no choice or everything will fall apart.
Sejin had been giving the same pep talk every time their visit overlapped with Jackson's. No matter how it grates them, what with Jackson's side comments, they have to endure it. Anything just to see you.
The first visit almost didn't go well. Jackson had been there and it had been bearable, yes, but Hoseok and Jimin didn't expect what they would find when they arrived.
Their reactions were similar if not the same as how Jungkook and Seokjin reacted the first time they saw you. They did this to you, how can they possibly make it up to you in this state?
"Now you know what you did," Jackson says, "you can leave her alone and never come back."
But the boys are anything but weak-willed.
They had been visiting as much as they could, much to Jackson's anger. Not that he can do anything about it. Being next of kin can only give him so much power over them being your soulmates.
"Here again?" Jackson sneers once they reach your room. "You're not needed here, and you're not welcome here either, so why don't you all just leave?"
Seokjin's jaw ticks but he says nothing, just sits on the comfy sofa of your presidential suite. Hoseok silently replaces the flowers in the vase with the ones he brought just for you. Sunflowers, he knows you like them and it suits you just as well.
"Jackson," his manager says. "You're needed for the shoot in an hour. We need to go."
Jackson huffs in annoyance and the four men can barely keep their glee off their faces.
"Fine. But we'll be back later, yes?"
His manager nods tiredly, apparently desperate to hurry him out of there.
Jackson stands by your bedside and caresses your hair softly before leaning down to kiss you on the forehead with a tender smile on his face. "I'll be back later, okay? Wait for me." You didn't respond, the machines around you beeping in your silence.
It takes all of Jungkook not to punch him in the face for the blatant display of affection, knowing the other men present can't do it with you.
Jackson leaves but not before sparing you a longing glance.
"I want to punch him in the face," Jungkook says once Jackson left. "I won't, but I want to."
"Please don't," Seokjin says tiredly. "Sejin-nim made us promise."
"And besides, his world tour will start in a few days, Kook-ah." Hoseok says, trying to cheer the youngest. "Just a few days, okay? You won't have to see his face for months after that."
Jungkook just smiles weakly, happy at the prospect of seeing you freely without that asshole hanging around like a pest.
It's then that Doctor Choi comes in.
"Ah, gentlemen. You're here again," he smiles at them. It will never stop stinging, the way the doctor always seems surprised seeing them every time they visit you. It's not for no reason, they know, but it will always hurt nonetheless. They all give their greetings and give way for the doctor to make his examination, Jimin giving out their gloves. Once Doctor Choi is done, he turns to face them.
"I would normally ask where the Next of Kin is but seeing as he's not present and you're her soulmates, it should be fine."
"Why, Doctor-nim? Is anything wrong with [Name]?" Jungkook asks anxiously.
The doctor smiles at them and shakes his head. "Not at all. In fact, I have some good news."
They all perk up at that.
"Miss [Last Name] has been responding well to the treatments so far, so we've decided to take her out of her coma."
Relief floods through the four other men in the room.
"Really?" Seokjin asks hopefully. "So she'll wake up soon?"
"Hopefully, yes. She should start waking up soon once we administer the drug to wake her up."
"Thank you so much, Doctor-nim." Hoseok smiles widely for the first time in what feels like ages.
"Mr. Kim, I believe you have an appointment with Doctor Im, yes?" Doctor Choi asks Seokjin.
"Yes, Doctor-nim. Is he in?"
"Yes, he is. He asked to let you know that he'll be speaking with you later."
"Thank you, Doctor-nim."
When Doctor Choi leaves, all three men turn to Seokjin.
"What was that about, hyung?" Jimin asks.
"Nothing you guys should worry about." When they stare at him skeptically, he sighs. "Seriously, it's nothing you should be worried about. I just want to ask some questions about [Name]'s treatments."
The other three thankfully decide to let it go.
They all fuss over you as much as they are allowed to but Jungkook is notably silent.
"Hey," Hoseok says quietly to Jungkook. "You alright?"
Jungkook smiles weakly. "Yeah."
Hoseok shakes his head. "You don't need to lie to hyung."
Jungkook looks at him and bites his lower lip. "It's just that once [Name] wakes up, we might not see her as much as we want to."
Hoseok falls silent at that. He honestly hadn't thought of it that way. Seokjin, having caught their conversation, shakes his head.
"No," he says firmly. "Don't think of it that way because we will find a way."
"But—"
"No 'buts'," Seokjin shakes his head. "We can't give up just yet, no matter what."
Seokjin's right, they can't give up just yet. If every setback will deter them, they will get nowhere in making it up to you.
Their silence is broken when Seokjin is called by Sejin for his appointment with Doctor Im. When he leaves, Jungkook asks the one question plaguing their mind.
"What do you think it is for?"
Jimin shrugs, completely at a loss himself. He had been noticing Seokjin being out of sorts these past few days, but he chalked it up to him worrying over [Name]'s health, as well as the group's well-being.
"I can't see any other reason other than him checking up on [Name]'s condition. It's not like he'll be signing up for the soul-scraping therapy himself, I know he won't." Hoseok says seriously. "We'll just have to trust him when he said it's nothing to worry about."
In a way, they are correct. As Seokjin sits across from Doctor Im in his office, he can't help but feel like he's betraying all of the trust given to him by the people he loves. You, and the rest of the group.
"So Mr. Kim," Doctor Im starts, "I heard from you Manager that you wish to speak to me about Miss [Last Name]. Is that correct?"
Seokjin fidgets in his seat. "Yes, Doctor Im."
Doctor Im levels him with a look, not dissimilar to Manager Sejin on that morning.
"I think I know where this is going, Mr. Kim. Is this about her therapy?"
Seokjin can only nod, feeling like a deer in the headlights. The Doctor sighs.
"If my guess is correct, you would want her to be pulled out, which I unfortunately cannot do. For one, she's in the middle of a worldwide research. And even if she's not, only she can consent to stop the treatments. Otherwise, it will be a breach of patient-doctor confidentiality."
"But will it be a breach if I'm acting on behalf of her as her soulmate?"
Doctor Im, instead of getting angry as he expected, only smiles.
"Unfortunately so, still. Part of the contract for soul-scraping patients states that unless they explicitly step down from the research, nobody can do it on their behalf.
Seokjin's heart drops to his stomach. Doctor Im just smiles softly.
"If you don't mind me overstepping, there was a bond rejection early on between you and Miss [Last Name], isn't there?"
Seokjin nods forlornly. "On our part, regretfully, yes."
"I see." Doctor Im hums. "That's interesting."
Seokjin says nothing.
"I'm afraid I cannot help you with this, Mr. Kim. Unless Miss [Last Name] steps down from the research, we are to continue with her in it. I hope you understand."
"But will it not be dangerous, especially after what happened to her?" Seokjin pauses. "I really don't know how to say this without being disrespectful because I know you're just doing your job, but maybe she can be made aware of what can happen if she continues with the therapy."
Again, instead of getting angry, Doctor Im just chuckles. Seokjin just looks at him like he's grown two heads.
"My apologies," Doctor Im waves him off. "It's just really interesting considering your history with her."
"I had no choice," Seokjin defends himself. "I sadly had no choice, and I didn't know what to do."
"Forgive me for being frank, but you always have a choice. But I do understand now where you're coming from.
"From a professional point of view, you'll be hindering my research and I would have to say no," Doctor Im pauses. "But I've seen enough cases like yours that end in regret and pain more than the freedom the patients thought they'd be getting. And Miss [Last Name], she's so young, way too young to be in this situation."
A terse pause.
"I cannot promise anything, Mr. Kim. I can only tell her what can happen if she wishes to continue with the treatments, but nothing else. Everything else is up to her."
And that is enough for Seokjin. He just hopes you'll stop altogether.
"Thank you, Doctor-nim."
Doctor Im nods with a gentle smile. "I'm aware Doctor Choi spoke to you earlier and told you that we'll administer the drug to wake Miss [Last Name] sometime this week, am I correct?"
"Yes."
"The effects might take some time to manifest, so don't be disappointed if she doesn't wake up right away. Okay?"
"Okay, Doctor-nim."
Seokjin rises from his seat just as Doctor Im rises from his as well.
"Thank you for taking the time to see me, Doctor Im."
Doctor Im nods kindly.
"No matter what happens, you will always have a choice. That's what I always tell my patients."
"Yes, Doctor-nim."
---
It has been three days since, and they're taking you out of your coma. The boys know you will not wake up right away, but they can't help but feel disappointed when you don't wake up once the drug has been administered.
"What matters right now is she'll be okay," Hoseok says. "She'll be okay."
"Yeah," Seokjin can only hope you'll change your mind about the treatments once you wake up. "She'll be okay."
---
Heavy.
Your body feels heavy the moment you wake up.
You try to speak, but the tubes in your throat prevent you from doing so. You try to lift your arms, but it feels like they're made of lead.
"She's awake! Hyung, she's awake!"
You can't decipher the rest of the words being spoken as you succumb back to the darkness, unaware of the chaos around you.
---
The second time you wake, your body feels a little lighter than before.
There's a mop of curls on your bed and a gloved hand wrapped around yours, the figure appearing to have fallen asleep.
Your eyes are bleary, and you can't see who it is.
"J...Jackson?"
You squeeze the hand around yours and they slowly rouse.
"Jackson...?"
The figure finally wakes.
"You're awake," the deep-voiced figure says. Had you not been drugged and still hazy, you would have noticed the awe in their voice and the emotions being spoken in those two words.
And that the figure is definitely not Jackson.
"You're here." You smile placidly. "You're here."
The figure nods, face obscured by the darkness of the room. Only the light of the lamp by the corner illuminates the otherwise dark room.
"I'm here."
"Not dead?" you ask.
The figure shakes their head.
"No. Thankfully not."
You nod, the last vestiges of your consciousness slowly slipping.
"Don't... don't leave."
Silence.
"Don't leave, m'kay?"
The figure nods again.
"I won't this time."
Satisfied, you fall back to sleep.