Work Text:
Erik Lehnsherr and Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr enter the room.
Lehnsherr is wearing indigo blue jeans and a heather green t-shirt layered with a sepia-toned cardigan, the sleeves pushed up his forearms. The hair that had looked dark sandy red at the beginning of his presidency has taken a turn for decidedly brown with the first few strands of silvery white peeking through, both on his head and in his now iconic three-inch beard. He wears a small smile and guides his husband with an affectionate hand to the small of the omega’s back.
Xavier-Lehnsherr is wearing mid-wash colored jeans, a fitted, black, long-sleeved V-neck pullover with a white base layer under it, and a black, white, and midnight blue infinity scarf hanging around his neck. His hair is long and wavy and his face is furred with a short, boxed beard. Not nearly as long as his husband’s, but quite attractive and a far cry from the clean-shaven look he’d maintained during his stint as First Gentleman. His belly is softly rounded, proof of his current pregnancy.
There’s an all-white filming backdrop behind them and two chairs for them to sit in. Erik motions for his husband to choose a seat. Charles sits to the right and Erik takes the remaining seat on the left. The producer thanks them for coming in and takes a few moments to explain the interview format. A production assistant brings them their rip boards and makes sure there are bottles of water on the low side table that is tucked between their chairs, out of camera view. When everything is settled, the director gives the order for silence, gives the count down, and begins filming.
Charles: “Hi, I’m Charles Xavier-Lensherr. I’m a proud father of three, a Mutant geneticist, and the former First Gentleman of the United States of America.”
Erik: “Hi, I’m Erik Lensherr and I’m his husband.”
Charles laughs and makes an ‘and…?’ motion with his hand.
Erik: (feigning confusion) “What?... Oh, and I’m also a proud father of three.”
Charles: “…and…”
Erik: “And I served two terms as President of the United States of America. After marrying my husband and having my kids, that’s probably my biggest achievement.”
Charles: “Only third in line, huh?”
Erik shrugs playfully.
Erik: “All kidding aside, it was one of the greatest honors of my life. I’m eternally grateful that I was able to serve the American public in a role only forty-five other men have gotten to do in history.”
Charles: “Eventually we’ll get a woman in there.”
Erik: “I’m all for it.”
Charles lifts up his first rip board.
Charles: “What do you say we answer some questions?”
Erik: “Sounds like a great idea.”
Charles: “I’m Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr.”
Erik: “I’m Erik Lehnsherr.”
Charles: “And we’re completing Wired’s Google Auto-Complete Interview.”
Charles rips off the first strip.
Charles: “’How tall is Charles Xavier-Lenhnsherr?’ I am 5’7”, curious googler.”
Erik: “I’m six feet even, if you were also curious about me.”
Charles rips off the next strip.
Charles: “’Where is Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr from?’ I am from Bronxville, a small village in Westchester County about fifteen miles from Manhattan.”
Erik: “His being from Bronxville means I’m a kept man and Charles is my sugar daddy.”
Charles laughs and rips off the next strip.
Charles: “You’re blowing their whole mental image of us. Next question: ‘What degrees does Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr have?’ For my Bachelor’s, I double majored in psychology and biology, because nature versus nurture is a forever question. My Master’s is in Genetics with an emphasis on Mutant variations, and my Doctorate is in Genomics and Genotyping.”
Erik: “I have a Bachelor’s in Political Science and our viewers probably just realized that I’m the airhead in this relationship.”
Charles laughs and slaps Erik on the shoulder.
Charles: “Don’t talk about my husband that way. I assure you, he’s quite clever.”
Erik: “Why thank you.”
Charles rips off another strip.
Charles: “’What are the Lehnsherrs’ Secret Service Codenames?’ Erik is Compass, I’m code name Clairvoyant. Our twins, David and Lorna, are Cracker Jack and Chartreuse respectively. Joseph, our youngest—or soon to be middle child—is code name Clone because he looks so much like Erik. And these sweet ones are currently C-6 and C-7. They’ll get official code name after they’re born and start to show a distinctive trait. For David and Lorna, that took about three months.”
Charles rips off the next strip.
Charles: “’Why does Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr have an accent?’ Well, everybody has an accent. An accent is nothing more than the local dialect of the language you speak. However, I’m sure they’re asking why I have an English accent despite being American. That would be because I am the child of an English woman, my nanny was English, and they were who I spent the majority of my time with until I started school. I also spent my summers in England with my maternal family.”
Erik: “Same for me. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents as a child and it gave me a soft lilt to my speech.”
Charles: “I think it’s similar to children of Spanish-speakers ending up with an accent despite not actually speaking Spanish themselves. I sound like the people who taught me how to talk.”
Charles shrugs and rips off another strip.
Charles: “’Who is the father of Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr’s children?’ Wow. Are they trying to be rude?”
Erik: “I don’t know. But the answer is me. All of them. Fight me.”
Charles laughs.
Charles: “Gives a whole new meaning to United States v. Erik Lehnsherr. But yes, Erik is my one and only Baby’s Daddy.”
Erik barks with laughter. Charles looks confused, waits for Erik to stop laughing and catch his breath.
Erik: “Hearing you say ‘Baby’s Daddy’ in your accent cracks me up.”
Charles shrugs, smiles, and flips to the next rip board. He then rips off the first strip.
Charles: The last of my rip boards. The question: ‘Does Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr have tattoos?’ No, I don’t. I’m pretty square in my aesthetic. With the omega piercings, I thought adding tattoos on top might accidentally convince someone that I’m trendy or something.
Erik: “Jewish law forbids tattoos. I’m not particularly stringent in my religious practice, but I try to follow the biggies best I can.”
Charles rips off the next strip.
Charles: “’Is Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr pregnant again?’ Yes. Yes, I am. We’re expecting another set of fraternal twins, a boy and a girl who we’ve not yet named. They’ll be here in four months.”
Erik: “We’re very excited.”
Charles: “Indeed we are.”
Charles rips another strip.
Charles: “’Are the Lehnsherrs planning to have more children?’ Ha! What is this ‘planning’ you speak of? All of our children have been very wanted but also… unexpected. We’ve mutually decided to make sure this is the last pregnancy. Two of my three pregnancies have been what are medically referred to as ‘geriatric pregnancies’ and very, very high risk.”
Charles puts his rip board down in his lap.
Charles: “Okay. We’ve answered who, what, when, where, and why for me, plus a couple of bonus questions thrown in. Your turn.”
Erik raises his rip board and pulls first strip.
Erik: “’Why is Erik Lehnsherr famous?’ Beats me. I’m just a man who did a job.”
Charles: “Hi, I’m Erik Lehnsherr. You may also know me from my other roles such as New York State Senator and Empire State University Student Body President.”
Erik chuckles and removes next strip.
Erik: ‘’’What languages does Erik Lehnsherr speak?’ I speak English, some German, and some Yiddish. I’m only fully fluent in English, but I could function if I found myself stranded in Germany. Actually, if that happened, it probably wouldn’t take me that long to reach full fluency. My biggest hurdle is lack of practice. Although, I’m getting better. I’ve been practicing with our kids. I want them to know their heritage and language is a big part of that.”
Charles: “I’m only fluent in English, although I can read in English, Spanish, French, and Latin. I’ve also been picking up a great deal of German and Yiddish from my family. Like did you know that Opa is German for Grandpa?”
Charles gives an accusing look to Erik.
Erik: “I mean, you didn’t speak German, we weren’t sure the kids would, and I wanted whatever you wanted.”
Charles: “I didn’t want my kids calling me grandpa!”
Erik: “Well, they don’t, Opie, so everything worked out fine.”
Erik smiles and doggedly rips another strip off his board.
Erik: “’How did Erik Lehnsherr meet his husband?’ We met through Raven, my Chief of Staff and Charles’ sister. She was convinced that we would get on like a house on fire and she was right.”
Erik pulls another strip.
Erik: “’What was Erik Lehnsherr’s first job?’ My first job was the summer between junior and senior year of high school and I worked at the local Marble Slab.”
Charles: “What’s that? Manual labor?”
Erik: “It’s an ice cream shop where you come in and have an ice cream custom made. You pick your base ice cream flavors and then the mixings you want in it.”
Charles: “Kinda like Subway or Chipotle but for ice cream.”
Erik: “Yeah, but ridiculously over-priced. Like eight or nine bucks for a single ice cream cone.”
Charles: “Interesting.”
Erik: “It was. It’s also the reason I no longer like ice cream. What was your first job?”
Charles: “Genetics researcher.”
Erik stares at Charles.
Erik: “It’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost?”
Charles: “Stop it.”
Erik chuckles and pulls his next strip.
Erik: “’Who does Erik Lehnsherr look like?’ I’m assuming they mean a celebrity look-alike. When I’m clean-shaven, I sometimes get told I look like Tom Hiddleston.”
Charles: “From ‘Night Manager’? I guess I can see it. Now that I have my beard, I sometimes get Ewan McGregor.”
Erik: “He wishes he was as hot as you are.”
Charles: “Aww…”
Erik flips to his second rip board and pulls the first strip off.
Erik: ‘’’Where do the Lehnsherrs live now?’ We live in Bedford, New York, a small town in Westchester County, not far from where Charles grew up.”
Charles: “With the kids, we needed a larger space than Erik’s townhome and my family owned property there.”
Erik: “His family owns multiple houses. I told you he’s my sugar daddy.”
Charles playfully rolls his eyes. Erik pulls his next strip.
Erik: “’When will the Erik Lehnsherr Presidential Library open?’ Ooh. Good question! So, construction starts the year after you leave the White House. Then, it takes about four years from beginning to end. For my presidential library, we just broke ground two months ago, so there’s still nearly four years to go. But I’m definitely looking forward to sharing it with the public.”
Charles: “Our viewers may not know, but since Presidential Libraries were established, it has become tradition for the President to be buried on the grounds of his library once he passes. Kennedy was one of three exceptions.”
Erik: “I haven’t decided yet. Outside of life insurances, I haven’t really wanted to focus on end of life planning when we have kids on the way.”
Erik takes a deep breath and then rips off another strip.
Erik: “’Is Erik Lehnsherr left-handed?’ I am! Despite many, many adults trying to ‘save me’ from a life of sinister ‘cack-handedness’, I am proud and determinedly left-handed. Two of our three children are as well.”
Charles: “And in the twenty-first century, we have had to attend more than one parent-teacher conference to remind educated professionals that being left-handed is not a sign of evil and children should be allowed to be lefties even if it’s inconvenient for your righty-oriented classrooms and activities.”
Erik: “With our gene pool, one of these babies is bound to be a red-headed, left-handed, Mutant twin. We’ll hit the multi-cultured superstition bingo and they’re going to break out the pitchforks.”
Charles: (With a tight smile) “And they’ll find out what happens to people who mess with my babies.”
Erik’s eyes go wide and he quickly pulls the next strip.
Erik: “’Does Erik Lehnsherr have a brother?’ I do not. I am an only child, as were my parents, so I have neither siblings nor cousins, and no surviving aunts, uncles, or grandparents. That’s why Charles and I have chosen to be so fertile.”
Charles: “I have one sister, Raven Darkholme, who you may know as Erik’s Chief of Staff. However, my sister and I are not biologically related. We were blessed to add Raven into our family via adoption when she was ten and I was eleven. I can’t imagine my life without her.”
Erik pulls his final strip.
Erik: “’What’s next for the Lehnsherrs?’ I mean, I’ve lived my biggest dream. Now, I just want to focus on my family, give my undivided attention to my husband and kids, support them in whatever they want to do just like they’ve always supported me. Outside of that, I do the speech circuit, I’m working on my memoirs, and I’ve been approached by people interested in books, movies, and whatnot about the first Mutant President.”
Charles: “Currently, I’m pretty focused on gestating these two little ones. I still do genetic research part time, but my biggest focus is on my family. Wrangling five kids under the age of ten… that’s not for the weak of heart. Eventually, when the kids are grown, I might return to the guest circuit for genetics or Mutant integration. But that’s literally decades from now. I’m happy where I am and with what I have.”
Erik kisses Charles on the cheek then tosses the final rip board to the side like a frisbee.
Erik: “I’m Erik Lehnsherr.”
Charles: “And I’m Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr.”
Erik: “Thank you for watching our Wired Google Auto-Complete Interview.”