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It would be a relief when Shun opened his eyes, but all Ikki could do was wait. No matter how long it took, he wouldn’t leave Shun alone and defenceless before he was out of the woods, not after all Hades had put him through. To be left as the one waiting for the other, it was such a reversal of their usual roles.
How he hated waiting, the Kido manor always put him on edge. Ikki snarled if Tatsumi as much as thought of coming into the room, only knowing the butler was around, hearing his steps outside of Shun’s room made him homicidal; so much so that Seiya, a frequent visitor of Shun’s, offered to be the one to take food to him, food Ikki barely touched. That had worked out until the Pegasus Saint, with his usual dexterity, managed to spill soup all over Shun’s comforter
“Would you not!” Ikki barked as he barely managed to prevent the hot liquid from reaching his unconscious brother. Hadn’t Shun suffered enough? After that, Hyoga had taken up the chore; making things, if possible, that much worse.
“Would you stop staring at Shun like that?”
“Right back at you,” Hyoga replied in a level monotone “It’s frankly uncomfortable”
“If it is so uncomfortable you could leave”
“I have as much right as you to be here”
“You certainly don't”
“Ahem” Seiya cleared his throat, looking from one side of Shun’s bed to the other, “Shun will be upset if he hears you two argue”
That was a fact which had to be accepted, Ikki grew silent and sulky as he glared at Hyoga who sunk into a similar mood.
When Seiya was not making a mess, Ikki ignored and tolerated him. The buffoon was his brother’s friend and as such he was almost as eager as Ikki to see Shun pull through; but Hyoga’s presence made him feel protective and territorial. It made him hold on to his title as Shun’s brother the harder.
Being his brother granted him the right to be always by his side; to protect him, to hold him, to take the chair next to his little brother’s bed at times like this, when he was sick or hurt. Ikki reached for one of Shun’s hands and held it gently between his. Hyoga stared for a moment, shifted uncomfortably in his chair, but didn’t say anything. Hyoga could as well get used to it, Ikki thought, It didn’t matter whatever else happened, as his brother, he had the right to a place in Shun’s life. Otherwise what was the point? If he was fully honest he wasn’t interested in living in a world Shun was not part of. That had been the deal breaker when Ikki confronted Hades. He wouldn’t… he couldn’t sacrifice his brother for the entire world, it was simply not worth it.
As the days of waiting passed Ikki hardly, if ever, left Shun’s side. He sat by the side of Shun’s bed be it night or day; if he needed to sleep all he did was recline his head near Shun’s own, making sure he still could hear his little brother’s steady breathing. Holding his slender, elegant hands in his calloused, coarse ones to make sure he was solid and real and safe; that nobody would take him away.
But he needed something to do with his hands during the long hours or he’d end up killing someone. One night Ikki left Shun only for a moment, he got the phoenix cloth, he broke away one of the tail feathers, turned it in his hands. It would do nicely, he thought, he only needed a pair of small pliers and for a blow torch he had his cosmo didn’t he. He resumed his seat in Shun’s room, warming the metal feather with his hands, slowly shaping it with the pliers, letting his thoughts wonder to concerns he’d had of late.
Hades had been torn from Shun like the parasite he was as he tried to hitchhike Shun’s pure soul and use his body like an empty puppet, but didn’t that make Shun the rightful heir to the Underworld? Hades had been defeated, but where did that leave Shun? Was he really safe in Athena’s domain, surrounded by her army?
All of these questions made him even more distrustful than he already was. Something winded up tightly in his chest waiting to snap much like when he’d been a child; so when Saori decided to go back to the Sanctuary he couldn’t help but see it with equal parts suspicion and relief.
“We are leaving in about five minutes” Yabu said unceremoniously entering Shun’s room on the day of their departure “If any of you have second thoughts about coming with”
“Is Seiya going?” Hyoga asked
“No” Yabu replied “Just like you he rather stay until Shun is better” hands in his pockets Yabu leaned slightly over Shun’s sleeping form, Ikki stiffled a growl “Remember the galactic tournament?” Yabu continued always unable to read a room “I was so jealous, all the girls went crazy over him, probably some guys too, told him he should have been an actor or an idol”
“Maybe if he’d been given a chance” Hyoga said evenly
Ikki scoffed, something like that wouldn’t have fitted Shun any better than the life of a soldier he had now.
“mhm” Yabu made a non-committal noise still looking at Shun’s sleeping face “He really is too pretty for a man, way too dainty for a knight-”
“And yet” Ikki interrupted acidly, “He kicked your sorry ass”
“For a moment there before you showed up and ruined everything, so who is to say, I may have bested him at the end. Anyway,” Yabu patted Hyoga’s shoulder “Maybe you should try kissing sleeping beauty awake” Yabu said with a grin before leaving the room.
“Don’t you even think about it” Ikki growled
“Don’t mix me up with Yabu’s nonsense, besides...” Hyoga sighed, opted to changed the subject “Do you remember what Shun looked like that day? He looked-”
“Divine” Ikki took the word away from Hyoga. Although in Ikki’s opinion even that word fell short, it was too tawdry to describe Shun’s artless radiance.
Despite everything Ikki did remember the first time he’d seen his little brother after the time they had been forced apart. Shun was standing in the rink, his chains around him like frozen starlight, a slender, beautiful creature, magical was the word that came to mind, like a doe appearing out of nowhere in a clearing; his next clear memory was Shun almost falling off that cliff trying to get him to take one of his starlit chains, his tears wetting Ikki’s face, he’d given his little brother so much trouble.
“Back then I wondered if you showed up that day because it was Shun’s fight,” Hyoga continued “because you still wanted to protect him from the rest of us”
I still want to protect him from you people would have been Ikki’s answer, but he didn’t feel like keeping on the conversation. He smoothed Shun’s hair, let Hyoga’s voice fade into silence. He hated to admit he’d wondered about it too. He was too lost back then, but he wanted to think that deep within him, even at the very core of his void of insanity, that he still had gone to Shun, his guiding star, that when Ikki got lost he knew to turn towards where his little brother was.
Now it was Ikki’s turn to keep Shun safe. He’d been historically bad at it but he had to keep trying; as the weeks went by he started to formulate a plan. He always wished, but was hesitant to ask Shun to go away with him, for their situation would be so precarious. Shun deserved so much better than to spend days without showering, and having to sleep in park benches or under bridges, in dingy boarding houses with black mold on the walls. Ikki would not drag Shun out of the manor only to make him go through that, but what if he found a place for them, it would have to be small but it would be all theirs.
“Nii-san…?”
“Hey there,” Ikki greeted softly,
“Are you okay?” Shun asked, trying to sit up, looking from him to Hyoga and back again with his big green eyes “Is everyone okay? Hades…”
“Shh, everyone is fine” Ikki replied pushing him back down gently
Hyoga nodded “You’ve been out for a while-”
“So you need to take it easy now, alright?” Ikki interrupted
Shun, who always listened to his older brother, didn’t resist and lay back on his bed, closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, and stayed like that for so long Ikki thought he’d fallen asleep again, when Shun spoke.
“He’s gone” Shun said so very quietly, “I feel like a mangled ragdoll, but it’s all me, and only me” he gave Ikki a tired but sweet smile
“Just as it should be” Ikki said smoothing Shun’s hair down
“All of it is so foggy, how long have I been asleep?”
“A couple of weeks,-” Hyoga replied
“We’ll have time for details later” Ikki brushed Shun’s hair off his face gently giving Hyoga a warning look “Are you thirsty, hungry?”
“Maybe just a sip of water would be nice”
“I’ll go fetch it” Hyoga and Ikki said at the same time. Glared at each other
“I’ll go” Hyoga said walking out the room, winning the battle only because he was nearer the door
Ikki was glad for it when Shun reached out his hand, touched a nearly healed cut on Ikki’s cheek
“Are you really okay?”
“I’m perfectly fine now that you are awake, I was going mad in here with nobody to talk to”
“Didn’t Hyoga keep you company” Shun smiled
“I have nothing to say to that guy” Ikki scoffed
“You shouldn’t be so harsh on Hyoga, Nii-san”
“And you should go back to sleep”
“Are you avoiding the subject?” Shun teased weakly, but his eyes were heavy, sleep half winning the battle already “Really, Hyoga is clever and a perfectly lovely guy”
“If you say so”
The perfectly lovely guy returned then with some water which Shun dutifully proceeded to drink.
“You need to get some rest now” Hyoga said taking away the glass once Shun had finished.
Shun nodded, and settled down obediently, then turned to his brother
“Will you stay?” Shun asked, softly grabbing Ikki’s arm
“I’m not going anywhere until you are back on your feet”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart” Ikki said quietly, stroking Shun’s hair softly well after his brother had fallen back asleep. Shun’s fingers remained softly curled around Ikki’s wrist. Hyoga resumed his place sitting at the other side of the bed. The side nearest the door, he shifted on his seat.
++
Healing from what must surely count as an exorcism was uncomfortable to say the least. Open wounds and broken bones, those you could see and calculate more or less how much time they would take to heal; all the gashes and rips Shun’s soul suffered expelling Hades out were invisible, and thus it was much harder to conjure patience for them. For how his legs would lose their strength out of nowhere, for how he’d wake up crying in the night as memories of what he’d done under Hades control bubbled to the surface as dreams, the horror of them clinging to him like a goblin on his back for days and days afterwards.
But if there was a silver lining to it all, it was that his older brother was by his side. True to his promise Ikki didn’t leave. Not that Shun had doubted him, Ikki was always good on his promises.
Recovery started slowly, going down to the grounds around the manor for short walks, Shun couldn’t wait until they could go farther away, the farther away they got the more the taunt tension around his brother disappeared. Shun glanced at is brother’s broad shoulders, at his exposed neck...he stood on tiptoe, put his cold hands down the back of his brother’s shirt
“What the hell-?!” Ikki hissed in surprise, always particularly sensitive to the cold
“Sneak attack!” Shun tried to get his cold hands on his brother again, the next second Ikki reached for him tugged at his arm and swung him over his shoulder
“Not fair, Nii-san!”
“Not fair? Who started it?”
“Put me down! Or I’ll do it again!” Shun laughed as he tried to reach for the bottom of his brother’s shirt. He’d said the words with more conviction than he felt, he had no real complaints about being carried by Ikki, even in this less than dignified manner. His brother complied, but maybe he’d pushed himself a bit too much, Shun’s knees gave out as soon as his feet touched the ground.
“Woah-” Ikki said as he caught him, scooping him up into his arms “You shouldn’t over do it”
Shun sighed “I wish I could just skip all the way to being fine again”
but in his secret heart he had to admit he was enjoying himself; his brother’s presence, having such a good excuse to link their arms, to lean on him. Shun’s pulse accelerated every time he felt Ikki’s warmth seep through his clothes. When his brother carried him in his arms through the threshold of the manor ‘just like a bride’ was Shun’s unbidden, guilty thought, he hid his face in his brothers neck feeling embarrassed, but delighting in their closeness all the same.
“Feeling dizzy?” Ikki asked
Shun nodded against his brother’s neck
“I’ll get you to your room”
Ikki carried him all the way up the stairs into the second floor, put him in his bed. Shun’s skin tingled where his brother touched him and it made all the bridal ideas he’d had moments earlier spiral all the worse; but those visions also came with a sobering fact, someday Ikki would do that with someone else, and there was nothing Shun could do about it. The hurt he felt at the thought of it was almost physical, as if his ribs, his lungs, his heart were being viscously crushed.
“Your face is very red” Ikki said, placing his hand on Shun’s forehead “Wonder if you are coming down with a fever”
Shun shook his head, “I think I’m just a bit tired” he smiled reassuringly “Nii-san, could you...” Shun faltered, looked at his brothers expectant face “Could you brush my hair?... just a little...”
Ikki grinned, “You say it like it’s such a big thing to ask for”
Shun felt his face get even warmer “I don’t want to be a spoiled brat, I know you hate people like that, and what would I do if you grew to hate me”
“You know that could never happen, you can be as much of a spoiled brat as you want” Ikki took the brush from Shun’s side table, sat crossed legged behind him and gently brushed Shun’s hair.
“Thank you, but I rather not push my luck”
Shun closed his eyes, wishing to just let himself go and rest his back against his brother’s broad chest. He’d be completely happy then - When had he started having these remorseful thoughts? Or more to the point when had he started seeing them as something licentious? Something he had to hide at all costs..
When they were children Ikki was Shun’s entire world; Ikki was everything that was safe and warm when the rest of the world seemed to be so full of cruelty and pain; when his sole presence - his fears, the way tears always came so easy to him because he felt things so deeply - seemed to stir so much hate and disdain in others, his big brother had always been there to protect him.
Once, in one of those rare occasions when Mr. Kido took them in an excursion to the city, they had ran away from the others, not too far away there was no point in that; only to a playground because Shun liked the swings and the opportunities he had to play in them were so few and far between. They would be punished for it later, but both thought it completely worth it just to be alone in each other’s company for a few minutes.
As he’d swung up and down he looked at the street across, there had been a church, white flowers everywhere; so many that the wind made the petals it windwirled away look like so many butterflies flying all around the bride and groom coming out of it, like something out of a fairy tale. Shun had never seen two people look happier, though to be fair he’d seen fairly few examples of happiness in his short life, but he remembered how despite all the flowers and all the other people, despite how beautiful everything was, the couple seemed unable to look away from each other.
“We’ll marry like that one day, right Nii-san?” Shun had asked his brother
Ikki did not swing, he only sat on one; even as a child he had a gravity to him, watchful and wary. He’d had looked at the wedding party with that far away look with which he still looked at other people, people to whom the stars had been kinder; then nodded solemnly. “Yeah, and I will get you a beautiful house, and we’ll be together forever, and nobody will hurt us again”
Shun’s little heart had soared then.
Siblings promising to marry each other when they were very young wasn’t that odd, but he’d never grown out of it. Ikki was still his entire world, Shun was never happier, never more at ease than when he could be with his brother. He still dreamed of that place only for the two of them. He wanted to protect Ikki too, not let anything hurt him again, his brother had had pain enough for so many lifetimes and Shun wished so badly to be the one to make up for it; and yet, he never wished, not for even one second, that they weren’t brothers ‘he’s mine’ thought Shun ‘as my brother he’s only mine and no one else’s, no one can change that, no one can take that away’
“Feeling better?” Ikki asked, placing the brush back on the side table
“Quite perfect!” Shun said, giving in and letting himself fall back into his older brother, gazing up at him “I’m just wondering, how did I ever get so lucky, I must have done something marvellous in my previous life for the gods to have given me you as my brother”
Ikki opened his mouth as if to answer but was interrupted by a loud knock on Shun’s door, which was rendered useless when immediately after Hyoga entered the room.
“Oh.” Hyoga said, hesitating slightly
“What’s the point of knocking if you just let yourself in” Ikki said
“I didn’t know you were here” Hyoga sounded more annoyed than apologetic
“Why would that make a difference?”
“I don’t mind it” Shun intervened “I know Hyoga is coming because we usually read at about this time”
“I thought if you were feeling well enough we could resume our book” Hyoga said, directing himself to Shun “but if you are tired... or busy...”
Shun shook his head prettily “I can read for a bit, right Nii-san?”
“Anything you want” Ikki placed his hand in Shun’s head for a moment as he got off the bed “Don’t tire yourself too much”
Ikki left the room briefly considering to leave the door half open, then closing it with a sigh. He went to the kitchen, got some water from the sink, pacing back a forth in the kitchen as he drank it; he never quite knew what to do with himself in the manor... he sighed again, there must really be something starting between the obnoxious ice saint and Shun.
Ikki had no right to get in the way of it, he was not as deluded as to not know that, despite it feeling like his heart was being put through a meat grinder every time he caught sight of one of those looks that sometimes came into Shun’s brilliant eyes that made clear he was in love, looks full of an adoring bashfulness that suited his little brother so well.
If Shun had made his choice then Ikki would have to clench his teeth and bear the soviet’s presence. It was the natural order of things, wasn’t it? Siblings growing apart once they found partners; but something within him protested and recoiled at it, the thought of Shun kissing someone, anyone at all, made bitter bile raise to his throat.
That was, anyone but him. – It hadn’t taken Ikki long to realize that bitter taste was jealousy – and that his perennial irritation with Hyoga fuelled, at least in half, from the fact that he could not compete with him fairly for Shun’s heart. Ikki had the privilege of having been born Shun’s brother and that took him off the race altogether.
He knew that, despite the ever more insistent part of him that reveled against the injustice of it, despite the ever more fierce part of him that wanted to keep his little brother all to himself - that couldn’t make peace with having Shun’s ethereal grace belong to someone else- It was true enough that Hyoga was not good enough for Shun, but then who was? Ikki did not kid himself thinking that if they weren’t siblings Ikki himself would be the perfect match, if anything he was a worse one. Shun deserved so much better than someone as damaged as he was. He knew that.
Just like he knew that keeping Shun away from the one he’d chosen, or worse, trying to drag Shun to perdition with him, try to force love out of him, make him his in a way a brother shouldn’t, would be like trying to get notes out of a songbird by squeezing it to death between his hands, and he wouldn’t harm his little songbird for the world; even if at the end he’d have to see him sing for someone else.
“What is that frown for?” Seiya said as he came into the kitchen “Shun is doing so much better”
Which in Ikki’s opinion was the one reason not to frown. He paid no further attention to Seiya and walked out up to the tree line, he breathed in the dusk air, sat at the bottom of a tree and looked up to the light on Shun’s window; wishing they were somewhere else, that the light meant Shun was there waiting for him and no one else; he remembered the comfort of Shun’s weight against his chest, he could still smell Shun’s shampoo in his hands ‘I really need to stop going in circles like this’ Ikki thought, ‘get a grip’ he got the metal feather out of his pocket, continued his work on it.
That night Shun woke up when everything was dark and silent; he was doing better but he still hadn’t managed to sleep one night through, although the nightmares were less vivid and farther between. He looked around his room and smiled at his luck, one of his brother’s hoodies was still in the chair he’d occupied until recently; until Shun had convinced him sleeping in a chair wouldn’t do anymore, he needed to rest.
He got up from his bed, the chill of the night biting at him, he snatched the hoodie, put it on and curled back in bed. Feeling snug in the large hoodie, breathing deeply in his brothers smell, all burning wood and smoke, it almost stung his nose. Shun closed his eyes, tried to imagine how it would feel to have his brother curled up around him, hoping he would have one of those dreams that made him a bit guilty and a bit embarrassed, but he dared not to wish them away; soon enough those dreams would be all he would have, along with the hopeless longing and hunger for the touch of his brother’s hands.
++
“We should go to the amusement park” Seiya said to no one in particular one idle evening a few weeks later “It’s been ages since we’ve gone anywhere”
“Amusement park?” Hyoga quipped lightly “Just how old are you?”
“Young enough not to hate fun, grandpa!” Seiya returned “It would be awesome, right, Shun?” Seiya appealed to the one among them whom he knew was always ready to be the wind behind the sails of his enthusiasm.
Shun didn’t let Seiya down, he nodded “I really want to see the view from up the ferris wheel!”
“That’s the spirit! And we can gorge ourselves on so much food!” Seiya added “how about it, Ikki?”
“Pass, far too much noise” Ikki said flatly “Too many people”
“Fine, its only the two of us!” Seiya said putting his arm around Shun’s shoulder guiding him to the door
“Wait, I’m going too!” Hyoga hurried to catch up with the younger pair
“You just said it was lame” Seiya said
“I never said that!”
“You so did” Seiya argued “Right, Shun?”
“You sort of did” Shun laughed
“You always take Seiya’s side!”
Hyoga did not exactly regret coming with, what he did regret was not having the idea first and inviting Shun himself, only the two of them. He’d been hopeful for a second after the libra temple, Shun had risked his life for him, used his own body to keep him alive. Hyoga still remembered how Shun’s body felt in his arms as he carried him up the stairs into the next temple, he wanted to hold him in his arms again - maybe this time because Shun wanted to be there and not because he was at death’s door - He’d even caught a few looks- but the more Hyoga looked at him, the more it became evident that those weren’t meant for him, Shun’s heart already belonged completely to someone else.
Hyoga had not even been shocked when he realized who they were actually meant for, if anything, he wondered at not noticing it sooner. Even as children Shun and Ikki had always been a set, always together despite how different they were. Even as a child it had been painful to witness, Shun calling after Ikki the day he’d been shipped away to death queen island. The sound of the siblings shouting for each other was like the sound of someone having a limb hacked off with a blunt knife.
On his way to Siberia, feeling luckier than any of the others because he was returning to familiar people, a familiar town, to his mother’s resting place, Hyoga spared one thought for the siblings honestly thinking neither would survive without the other. Shun because he was too delicate, too prone to think little of his own worth in favour of other people, like the rabbit that sacrificed himself for the hunter in that old story. Ikki because he’d been sent to hell and there was always a dangerous, volatile, destructive edge to him, that was only mollified by Shun’s presence.
But his prediction turned out to be mistaken. Hyoga’s breath had been taken away as soon as he’d seen Shun in the tournament, wielding poise and elegance even Saori could envy “Divine” just as Ikki had said. And all of it, all of it was for Ikki as soon as he showed up; even murderous and rabid as he’d returned, Shun had no eyes for anyone else. If it weren’t for Seiya, Shun would have followed his brother to his grave. Yabu had jested telling him to kiss sleeping beauty, but Hyoga’s was not the kiss Shun was waiting for.
Still Hyoga wonder if he could still make this work out, If he asked Shun to the ferris wheel while Seiya was busy finding his next food stall. Hyoga walked towards Shun, just in time to see him turn in his direction; Shun smiled so sweetly then, his eyes held such an adoring light that for a moment Hyoga’s stubborn hope dared revive until-
“Nii-san!” Shun breathed looking past him
Hyoga turned to see Ikki approaching them. Of course, Hyoga thought, those looks of Shun where always meant for only one person to catch.
“I thought you said it was too noisy and crowded for you” Hyoga said as the phoenix reached them
“Changed my mind” Ikki shrugged
“Cool!” Seiya said, his cheeks full of food like a squirrel’s “We were about to go to the ferris wheel”
The four of them walked up to it, a big steal thing with sparkling lights
“Wait” Seiya said as the four of them walked up to one of the cabs “We should go in pairs”
“The four of us can easily fit in there” Hyoga argued
“Yeah, all squashed up” Seiya complained
“Since when do you care about that”
“Since now, I want to see the view not just your face, if it’s nice I will bring Miho next time” Seiya explained “so we should go in pairs”
“I’m going with Shun then” Hyoga said
“I’m not going with Ikki” Seiya rebutted
“Seiya!” Shun chided
“What?” Seiya returned “I’m sure he’s doesn’t want to go with me,”
“Then you go with Shun” Hyoga said to Seiya
“I’m not going with you” Ikki said fatly to Hyoga
“Ikki is only here because of Shun anyway,” Seiya said reasonably “So obviously Shun and Ikki should go together and Hyoga, you and I will take another”
“That works” Ikki said laconically, agreeing with Seiya for once in his life
“But does Shun want to go with Ikki?” Hyoga asked
“Yes!” was Shun’s immediate answer, even bouncing slightly on his heels
“That settles it!” Seiya dragged Hyoga away by the arm “Have fun!” he waved back at Shun “Does Shun want to go with Ikki?” Seiya repeated to Hyoga with a scoff “what a question”
Shun chuckled as he waved back, “let’s go, Nii-san!” Shun took his brothers arm and walked into the ferris wheel cab; making a mental note to treat Seiya to any and all the food he wanted. Shun knew the time he had with his brother was running out, it made every second unbearably precious.
“I’m so glad you decided to come with us after all”
“I don’t really see what the fuss is about all of this, though”
“I know, but look! Isn’t it beautiful from here” Shun said pointing out “The city looks like a sea of stars”
“It’s nice enough I guess, but I would rather see the real thing, you can’t see any stars here”
“Always so picky, Nii-san!” Shun said lightly
“Do you like this” Ikki nodded towards the city “Better than the country side?”
Shun shook his head “This is beautiful but the country side is the best, I like how its peaceful but never silent, you can hear the birds in the morning, and then frogs and all sort of things at night. Just like when we are in the woods around Saori’s manor when everything else seems to melt away”
Ikki nodded his understanding. He tried to think of the right words for what he wanted to express next. Shun always put on a brave face, but just as Seiya had said it surely upset him that Ikki and Hyoga were not in the best of terms, he may even be hesitant to talk to Ikki about his love for Hyoga. As much as it would hurt, Ikki would rather Shun talk to him about it, have Shun confide in him with the ease with which they always had trusted each other.
“Shun, do you... that is...” Ikki started awkwardly “we talk about things, important things, don’t we?”
Shun nodded eagerly “Of course!”
“We hardly keep any secrets from each other, don’t we?”
Shun nodded again
“I was wondering if... well...” Ikki grounded his teeth “Is- is- there someone you like? That is, someone you are in love with?”
“Someone I...” Shun startled, immediately going crimson, which to Ikki only meant his question was being answered in the positive “I... well.. why are you asking?”
“Well we are at that age aren’t we,” Ikki ran his hand through his hair trying to hide his discomfort “When maybe we’ll pair up”
“I suppose so...” Shun’s chest squeezed painfully
“If someone is important to you I don’t want you to be afraid of telling me...” Ikki said “even if I seem to dislike them, you know I dislike most everyone. I will try my best not to be too hard on them. Its always been the two of us, we are everything we have, and- and of course if you chose someone as a partner then they would become my family as well”
“Yes, of course”
Absentmindedly, Shun’s hand searched for the pendant that until recently had always been around his neck, so cherished by him; it startled him not finding it there. Hades had taken that from him and with it his foolish, sickly, famished hope. And now this, was his brother preparing the ground to tell him about someone he liked? Someone he’d chosen? Someone he loved?
‘Yours Ever’ it had meant so much to Shun when he’d thought- when he’d thought it was a present from Ikki, a promise, one of those promises his brother never broke.
Shun felt so very stupid now he knew the truth. How he used to watch the night sky, pendant in hand and think of his brother, sometimes he couldn’t help but shed silent tears as he thought of how, perhaps at that very moment, Ikki could be with someone, a someone that would win his heart in a way Shun was not entitled to, giving him things Shun couldn’t no matter how badly he wanted to. He wished time could stop for them, just like this; the two of them in their own bubble.
‘Is there someone you like?’ Shun wanted to ask but he dared not, he wasn’t quite ready to hear the answer, only imagining made him feel chilled and lost.
“So”
“So?” Shun repeated, slightly startled out of his thoughts
“Do you have someone you like?”
“Well...there is someone...” Shun replied, knowing just as well that he had to say a half truth or there was no way Ikki would let it go, he’d know he was lying if he denied it outright “Someone I really, really love...” Shun trailed off
“Have you told them yet?”
Shun shook his head, “I love him with all my heart but he won’t ever love me back”
“That’s impossible” Ikki looked at this lovely, bashful, sensitive little brother of his, it made his heart hurt with longing. He brushed a strand of Shun’s hair behind his ear “You tell him how you feel, that poor bastard won’t believe his luck”
Shun tried to smile but failed, Ikki glanced at Shun’s hand, still hovering over his collarbone, that worrying-about-Hades look Shun had grown to know over the recent months came into his brother’s eyes, together with a light scowl.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing.” Shun hurried to clasp his hands on his lap. “its nothing bad, its only I was so used to worrying it,” Shun explained “That pendant... a bad habit really”
“I know that” Ikki said with a small smirk, dropping the other subject. Confirmation, that was as much as he could endure right now. He didn’t want to waste another second of his time with Shun on other people.
“You know?”
“That ugly thing calmed you down even when you were a baby, you played it with it all the time” Ikki’s expression grew more somber “I clearly remember giving it to you; you couldn’t have been even one year old. I really thought it must have belonged to our mother, I should have known better-”
“Don’t” Shun took his brother’s hand in both of his “none of it was your fault, got it?”
Ikki squeezed Shun’s hands, cleared his throat “So, I made something for you” he said almost sheepishly reaching into his pocket bringing out a golden bronze circle with a chain, placing it in Shun’s hands.
Shun turned it this way and that making shimmer in the light. Just by the feel of it he could tell it had to be a piece of armor, then he recognized the markings on it, one of his brother’s feathers. It felt comfortingly warm to the touch like those hand warmers he liked to use in winter. The metal feather had been transformed into a bird, long elegant talons and an even longer tail in the style of those antique silver Taishō coins
“A phoenix” Shun whispered
“At least I tried to make it look like one” Ikki said “I knew you’d miss that other trinket, so I made you a replacement. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want-”
“It’s beautiful, of course I want to wear it!” Shun held his hair up in a ponytail “Would you clasp it on for me, please?”
Ikki missed the clasp as he tried not to think of how he wished he could kiss the curve of Shun’s neck, and once more as he tried to ignore how his brother’s skin looked as if it were made out of fine porcelain; and yet again as he tried not to think of how he wanted to breath in his fresh forest rain scent.
“There” he said, finally as the ferris wheel cab came to a stop wtih a small jolt.
Shun let his hair fall over his shoulders. Ikki’s eyes looked both suddenly sad and hungry, and Shun, always so good at deciphering his brother’s moods and silences, wondered at it, this was something he couldn’t quite understand or place.
++
For the days that followed Shun kept thinking of that haunted look in his brother’s eyes trying to find the meaning of it so he knew how to fix it, there was a yearning to it, like his brother longed for something so badly it hurt him. Maybe it was the haunted look of a caged bird of prey, maybe what his brother wanted so badly was to return to his freedom and all Shun was doing was keeping him caught in his chains. Shun looked out of his window, lighted up by the moon there he was, his darling brother sitting by the edge of the surrounding woods, Ikki did despise to be inside the manor, Shun hurried to join him outside.
“Do you want to go to our secret base?” Shun suggested reaching his hand towards Ikki, his heart leaped at the sight of his brother’s slight smile. What would it take for his brother to smile more often, more freely? To be unburdened, Shun wished so badly to be the one to give his brother respite from his demons to make his soul feel lighter. As Shun pondered this he reached for Ikki’s hand, held it, this much was allowed right? At the very least for now.
Their secret base was not that secret or that hidden, it was a shabby chapel at the centre of the grounds, when they were small they had sneaked out many nights, needing a place to be by themselves. Back then, Shun had cowered, clutching his brother’s arms to him, holding him closer and startling at every shadow and sound.
“Don’t be afraid” his older brother had said “I wont let anything hurt you” He’d seemed so invencible, but he’d also been a child, probably just as scared as Shun had been, with the extra weight of a little brother he felt responsible for always making his steps heavier, his life that much harder.
As they walked now, hand in hand - twigs and leaves crunching under their feet, the eerie chuckling of owls reaching them from the trees - Shun wanted to tell his brother the same, that it was his turn to protect him, that he would give his life to keep him safe, that he vowed to be his shield, that he’d keep any more pain or sorrow from touching him.
The chapel had already been abandoned and run down when they were children, now it was but a crumbling shell. The ceiling had fallen through, the moss was overtaking the pews and the creepy statues of saints. Shun liked this transformation, as he entered and twirled to take in al the changes, he curled up on one of the pews feeling protected by the crumbling walls, smelling the wet earth, the moss and decaying wood, listening to the haunting forest sounds and marvelled at their private piece of sky, to Shun so much more wondrous than all the planetariums the Kido money could buy - His brother had been right, stars were so much beautiful than city lights -. But most wonderful of all, his older brother sitting on a makeshift stool by the pew looking at him.
“Remember when we used to come here to read books you snatched from Mr. Kido’s library?” Shun asked
Ikki huffed “We were the only ones giving those books any use”
“I was so happy those nights, you know, when we got to be by ourselves in here” a shadow crossed Shun’s face “Were you happy?”
“Happy…” Ikki considered it honestly, never one to lie at all but much less to his little brother “I was far too angry to ever be happy, but when we were by ourselves I could rest”
“You are still angry now” It wasn’t a question
“I must have been born angry, and after training in that place… I guess it’s part of me now, can’t get away from it at this point. It’s not something for you to worry about”
“That is so unfair of you, please don’t shut me out like that” Shun said gently “I want to support you however and whenever I can. I want to be a strength to you, not- not just a burden like always”
“However you got that into your head?” Ikki said firmly “You have never ever been a burden to me, not then, much less now”
“You cannot be serious, Nii-san.” Shun rebuked “You always had to look after me, even when you were so very little yourself. You ended up in that dreadful place instead of me- when Hades- you would have let him- let him destroy everything. Worse! You’d have let him kill you, all of it only to protect me-”
“Stop that” Ikki reached for his brothers hand, squeezed it “I’m alive only because you were there with me, whatever would I do without you, I-” I went insane when you were not by my side – but Ikki could not bring himself to say that aloud - “I may be an angry rotten bastard, and I don’t know how not to be, but that’s not on you. All you have ever done is bring all that is good and pure and beautiful into my life, despite all you have gone through. A burden?” Ikki scoffed dismissively “Shun, you are my anchor”
“And you are mine.” Shun said the words quietly like a spell to grant him a wish “Nii-san, I-”
Shun trailed off, he was so close to be swept by the moment, to confess the deepest secret of his soul. But what if – as it was only natural that it would – what if it only tore them apart, what if what he said made his brother’s gentle, loving gaze turn to repulsion and hate. Shun couldn’t take that risk, his brother was too dear, way too precious to him, to risk losing him because of a selfish desire; because of those tender, passionate feelings that shouldn’t exist between siblings
“So, why are we here” Ikki asked, knowing this was a place Shun took comfort in when he was upset or when he wanted to talk about something important and didn’t want to be interrupted by the others “I can tell something has been bothering you since that day at the park”
“There is something...” Shun gathered his courage to speak some of the words he hated the most “I think you should leave, I mean, if you want to leave, and I know you want to.” Shun added before Ikki could contradict him “You see, I’m all well now, you don’t have to stay on my account anymore.”
“Are you sending me away” Ikki said with a crooked smile
“I am” Shun said resolutely
“As a matter of fact,” Ikki said mysteriously “I’m thinking of finally settling down”
“You are?” Shun asked curiously and not with little surprise
“I’m thinking of getting something small in the country side. I want it to be a comfortable place, a home where I can return when I’m wary of travelling around instead of sleeping rough and having to rent bathhouses” Ikki explained, “It must be nice to return in a cold night to see a warm light in your windows, have someone waiting for you”
Someone, Shun mused, the far away, dreamy look that came into his brother’s eyes made him a bit afraid, but only, Shun was aware, for very selfish reasons.
“Then you mustn’t let me keep you!” said Shun earnestly, even if each of those words felt like so many needles in his tongue “I’d hate it if I thought I was clipping your wings”
“I’ll go first thing in the morning.” Ikki nodded “I have been putting it off long enough”
Yes, Ikki thought, he had to find a place that was good enough to offer to Shun, if not for them both, then for Shun and Hyoga, if his grim premonition was to become true, and how could it not. All he knew was that Shun should be away from the brutality he hated, away from Athena’s influence and the suspicion some of her followers may still harbour for the apparent heir to the underworld.
Night fell around them, silent but for singing of frogs and chuckling owls. They basked in each other’s company, their soft silence, they were always such at ease in each other’s presence, with no other place they would rather be than in each other’s company, even at those times when they had one of their rare, light spats, little quarrels that were never close to become real arguments. But unknowingly they shared the same fear in their secret soul, that the next time they saw each other there would be a third presence that would irrevocably alter and diminish the closeness between them.
++
Shun never got quite used to his brother’s absence, but just as he’d told him he’d hate it if, for his sake, Ikki didn’t come and go as he pleased. Like all wild creatures his brother was made to roam free, not to have fetters tied to him, much less in the shape of one of Andromeda’s chains. The lonely feeling in Shun’s chest was a cheap price to pay for Ikki’s freedom, and maybe even happiness someday, Shun was sure Ikki would never find that anywhere near Kido’s roof.
In the following months and taking Ikki’s departure as Shun’s clear bill of health, Seiya had gone to help Miho at the orphanage. Shun envied them. To be able to be with the person who was your home, to have a place beside them. Was it really so bad that his person, the one whose attention, love, caresses and kisses Shun longed for was Ikki? Were Izanagi and Izanami in the creation myth not siblings? They sure were, never mind the labyrinthine family trees of Greek mythology.
Shun sighed. He touched the comfortingly warm phoenix pendant.
No, he couldn’t justify his feelings using something like ancient lore. Unlike those stories his feelings were very real; and he would neither deny nor condemn them. The truth of his heart was taboo and thus he kept it very deep inside his secret soul, not hidden, not quite. Rather, it was protected, like an exquisite sparkling golden gem inside a wooden box, for nobody else but him to see or touch. For no one to try to tarnish the purity of it. Still he could fantasize, silly little pipedreams that refused to die, his brother coming back to him in the night to wake him up with a kiss, to tell him they belonged to each other, he so often dreamed foolish things like that.
With Hyoga as his only housemate at the moment, Shun could not blame his loneliness on him; for Hyoga was always good company. They had taken to stroll in the grounds most evenings, and now Shun tried to listen to what Hyoga was telling him, something about Siberia and how the present chill would be considered tropical weather over there, but having trouble concentrating because whenever he was near the gate he couldn’t help but watch for Ikki, yearning to see his brother’s silhouette against the sky, to run to him, encircle him in his arms, feel his brother’s strong embrace around his waist, breathe deeply in his burnt tinder and ash scent… Shun blushed, turned to Hyoga, tried to listen to the Siberia facts.
Hyoga’s eyes lit up suspiciously, it made Shun nervous, of late their moments together always had an undercurrent of discomfort. The tension of feelings unmentioned on one side and unwanted on the other. So, It wasn’t surprising then when, during a lull in the conversation, Hyoga leaned in for a kiss.
Shun had only a moment to decide if close the remaining distance or step back. He’d thought fleetingly of kissing Hyoga once before, back then in the libra temple as Shun held his frozen body to his chest. Hyoga was so very kind and so very beautiful, his mysterious eyes the deep blue only found at the bottom of an iceberg, his every movement as elegant as a swan’s; Shun was sure his touch would be as soft as windblown snow.
But Shun hadn’t kissed him then - Shun was not one to steal kisses that did not belong to him - and there was that other thing. Kissing Hyoga would mean to finally renounce the one lover he desperately wanted, the one he always yearned for in body and soul. Shun couldn’t bring himself to do that then, and he couldn’t bring himself to do that now.
In Shun’s eyes the Cygnus Saint suffered of one disastrous flaw. The sparkling winter day paled in comparison to the crisp autumn breeze; there was something sadly lacking in the snowfall when all he wanted was the comfort of warm sunlight filtered through red and bronze tree leaves, like so many little, dancing flames, small pieces of phoenix fire; for Shun a whirlwind of snow wasn’t near as bewitching as the golden sparks of a bonefire. In short, Hyoga was not Ikki. Shun stepped away.
“Hyoga…” Shun said softly
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have presumed” Hyoga’s iceberg eyes looked saddened but not altogether surprised
“You don’t have anything to apologise for,” Shun hurried to reply, flustered, not wanting to hurt Hyoga’s feelings
“Is it because there is someone else you like?”
Shun gave a little nod.
“Is he a good guy?” Hyoga asked
“He is the most wonderful person!” Shun said immediately lighting up “When I’m with him I feel so safe and warm but a bit nervous too because I can never quite believe he is real and there with me. When I look at him he is so gorgeous I can hardly look away; I always wish time would stop when we are together because there is never enough” It was the first time Shun admitted his feelings for his brother to someone outside of himself. It gave him a lovely thrill to be able to talk about it, even if no name was mentioned. It was the joy of a songbird freely singing to his heart’s content.
“I get it” Hyoga laughed, the way Shun had just blushed as he described the person he was in love with made him want to kiss him all over again, but it was indeed hard to compete with all that “Does he like you- no, does he... does he love you back?” He was immediately sorry he asked when Shun expression changed from that airy, easy animation to a sorrowful frown
“He can’t love me back;” Shun voice cracked slightly “not- not in the same way I love him”
“If that’s so,” Hyoga could compromise “couldn’t you give me a chance?”
“But I don’t love you” Shun said quietly
“I know that,” Hyoga insisted “I would be willing to try, you could get over him, maybe grow to love me in time” Hyoga stepped forward as if to hold Shun’s hand, but Shun leaned away
“Oh, but it would be so dreadful to be with you!” Shun shook his head “S- sorry that was very rude and its not what I mean at all, it would be dreadful to be with anyone but- but him! And it would be unfair and painful for both of us, wouldn’t it? How could I give you what it’s already his” Shun said quietly, blushing as he spoke
“What will happen when Ikki falls in love?” Hyoga said “Won’t that be painful too?” to his horror it was not a look of surprise or shock at the mention of his brother what appeared on Shun’s face, but silent tears that started running down his rosy cheeks
“I know I can never have him. I know that better than anyone;” Shun said resignedly “and I hope he finds the most wonderful person, someone who is beautiful, kind, sweet... I think he already has, he said he was getting,...” Shun’s voice cracked “nevermind that, it doesn’t change how I feel, not even a little bit. It doesn’t change that I belong to him”
“Have you told him any of this?”
“Of course not. How could I.” Shun said, startled but with his usual quiet dignity “That would disgust him, it would push him away. He’d be repulsed by me then and I would lose him forever, and if that happened...” Tears started dripping down his chin in earnest “My chest squeezes so painfully, it makes it hard to breath even just thinking of it”
“There, I understand. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I just cry because it matters so much” Shun clutched at that new pendant he’d gotten from somewhere “Please, please Hyoga, don’t let him know” Shun pleaded
For a moment Hyoga thought of pushing it farther, of reasoning with Shun. tell him plainly that what he wanted could never be, that it wasn’t right, that he could have something real and… and normal! with him instead, but his resolution failed him when he saw the look in Shun’s eyes when talking about the one he loved. His tears at the mere thought of losing Ikki. That couldn’t be stolen away.
Moreover, Hyoga knew it wasn’t one sided, he’d seen the greedy, smouldering, possessive looks Ikki gave Shun. The truth was, Ikki and Shun were an irremediable mess, they were too tangled in each other, two trees with their roots so entwined it was impossible to uproot one without killing one or both. if he tried to tear Shun away, it wouldn’t be without scarring him forever- not without losing pieces of him; no one but Ikki could ever have the unscathed entirety of him.
“Friends don’t betray their friend’s secrets,” Hyoga said, finally “and we are still friends, aren’t we?”
“Of course!”
“Not a word” Hyoga said bringing his finger to his lips, next moment he found himself encircled by Shun’s arms
“Thank you” Shun said giving him a squeeze as he hugged him “I’m so sorry I can’t love you the way you want, but you are a good guy and- and very good looking too.”
Hyoga laughed “That’s such an odd thing to say”
“Is it?” Shun said breaking the hug
“I appreciate it, though” Hyoga said “I think...”
Shun chided himself, It must be quite awful to be in Hyoga’s place, for your feelings to be unrequited and then rubbed in your face.
An ominous shiver ran through him, he would be in that position soon enough, wouldn’t he. The thought of having to hear his brother talking about how much he loved someone else always made him nearly nauseous, it made tears sting in his eyes. Although, Shun wished that person to be someone magnificent, of course, for his brother’s sake. But he didn’t know how he’d endure it when that day came, a day that he could feel ever closer. Hadn’t Ikki told him he was searching a place to settle down? His wild rover of a brother would not do that unless he had someone in mind, someone he wanted to spoil and protect, someone he wanted to build a soft nest for.
A couple of days later Hyoga left, he said he had to go help a friend. Shun did not ask for details although he did wonder what friend that could be. Maybe, understandably, Hyoga just needed some time away from him. Before he left, however, he’d asked Shun if he could stay alone at the manor or would he rather call Seiya to come back.
“I’m completely fine already! I don’t need a baby sitter or a nurse” Shun snapped, as much as Shun could do such a thing, with quiet indignation
“What if it were that guy you told me about?”
“That would be rather a different thing!”
Hyoga laughed but he regretted teasing him immediately, as Shun blushed so prettily it only made the pang of regret and disappointment sting anew. Hyoga almost wished to be a worse person than he was. A worse person than himself would use what he knew to his advantage. Instead he’d offered his feelings honestly and been just as honestly rejected.
++
Maybe it was the universe’s way of making up for what Ikki had gone through in the first years of his life; everything had gone so smoothly it made him almost uneasy, he was used at things not working out, at everything coming at a high price.
He’d found a job at a mechanic shop. The work was good, he was the most comfortable when working with his hands, his abilities and strength came handy and nobody required him to talk. The owner of the shop was a wiry older man, laconic just like himself. The two of them would spend hours alone in the shop the only sound the clicking of their tools, Ikki couldn’t have asked for a better job.
“Hear you are looking for a place” the old man said one day “A good friend of mine is renting an apartment. Small, a kitchenette, futon in the living room situation, only toilet, no bath and a bit dingy not gonna lie, but it can be fixed up.”
“I appreciate it” Ikki said politely and to his surprise sincerely, the old man wasn’t the type to pry on other’s business aimlessly “but I’m searching for something a bit different, maybe in the country side”
“You’d have to commute every day, quite the hassle”
“That’d be fine” Ikki said “I can’t breath in the city”
“A boarding house maybe” The old man wondered aloud, as if more to himself than to Ikki
“I’m thinking of a small house,” Ikki said simply “comfortable enough for two people”
“Oh, you got a sweetheart”
“Not quite,” Ikki shook his head “He’s got someone else”
“Then maybe that someone else should be the one searching for a place”
“I can’t stand around waiting for that bastard to get his shit together” Ikki said testily “all I want is for Shun to be happy... safe. He’s certainly not safe where he is right now”
The old man looked at him for a long moment
“Let’s close the shop early,” he said finally “I’ll show you something”
They took a bus and then another and finally a smaller one going farther away through winding roads. They finally got down at a rural bus stop, one of those that had clearly marked the handful of times a day the buses made an appearance there. They walked through a crooked hiking path hardly visible as it was covered with weeds and vegetation, until they came to it, a small, old fashioned, country house.
“Most of it is rotting away” The old man explained, walking through the old gate and then the screen door “It was my grandparents, but my father had no use for it after they passed, and neither did I so it has just stood here running to seed. It’s too out of the world for me, a hassle.”
“Would you rent it to me?” Ikki said
“Will do you one better, it’s enough for me if you’d take the task to repair it somewhat, stop it from falling to pieces.”
“Thank you, truly” Ikki said earnestly with a deep bow. He had never been so grateful to someone
“It’s you I should be thanking” the old man said “I’m sure you will make quite a work of it getting it ready for this little dove of yours to settle in” the old man gave Ikki a big grin “You don’t look the type to back down so easily, and you seem to have your love quite set on him so, don’t lose heart you’ll be a match yet. I’ll look forward to both of you moving in”
Ikki could do nothing but feel the unfamiliar sensation of warmth raising to his face while the quiet old man chuckled.
After that Ikki was quick to get to work; fixing the gate and giving it a new coat of paint, setting new floorboards, doors, windows, unclogging and replacing rusted pipes. There was dust and dirt everywhere, and sometimes the biggest hunstman spiders he’d ever seen would suddenly show up on the ceiling corners, but none of it mattered. Every evening he looked forward to getting down at the old, middle of nowhere bus stop, walk the crooked, twisted path to the house.
He was growing so fond of it, it was a good, sturdy place, with no demons in it to feed his anger and resentment. Shun could be free and happy here; with the stars above and those big bay trees that surrounded the field for his neighbours, the sound of the breeze rustling tree leaves would always sing for him, never let him be lonely.
And if there ever came a day when the slightest shadow of a deity darkened their doorstep. If Athena or Poseidon or Odin or whoever else tried to start a war against Shun, then Ikki would be his most loyal and vicious Spectre, his Invisible Sword. If Shun decided he wanted Hades’ throne, then he would have it. If it came to make the world a sea of fire and tearing apart Athena and all her Saints limb by limb then...
but when the dim light of dusk entered through the new windows, when the sunset sky was light green and night blue, when he imagined Shun’s dear laughter drifting through its rooms; he dared wish for other things, far sweeter, impossible things. Returning home in the evenings, to warm, rose light shining through the windows, Shun, his one love, waiting for only him, he’d greet him with one of his bright smiles, a hug, a soft kiss; Ikki would embrace his little brother’s narrow waist, kiss his ivory-like throat... Ikki couldn’t help but indulge in those visions, even when they so often made him feel sick with yearning.
“You are hard to find”
The words cut through his musings like a sharp icicle through flesh. Ikki raised his head from the engine he was working on, slowly and deliberately, to look at the Cygnus saint. Something felt stuck in his throat, it weighted down his chest painfully as he thought Hyoga was just the type to ask for Shun’s hand or something like that to try to get in Ikki’s good graces. He gritted his teeth, he’d promised Shun he’d make an effort not to bite Hyoga’s head off.
“What do you want?”
“It’s Shun” Hyoga said
Ikki turned back down to the engine, he didn’t want any look of his to betray his broken heart.
“If you are here to ask for my approval, you don’t have it,” Ikki said harshly, “but if Shun has chosen you I don’t have anything to say in the matter. Hope you know how extraordinarily lucky you are and work to deserve him. I hope you protect him from your friends if it comes to that or I’ll-”
Hyoga wasn’t even listening, he was too busy trying not to laugh. That Ikki was so blind as not to see he was the sole owner of Shun’s heart, that Hyoga as hard as he’d tried had not been able to win him away; not even one kiss, not even a look, all of it belonged to Ikki and he didn’t even know.
“Shun is not well.” Hyoga interrupted whatever Ikki was saying, maybe there was a bit of cruelty in the lie, in not telling Ikki he was mistaken right away. “He may not make it after all”
“You are lying” Ikki said, looking up sharply “I’d feel it. I’d know”
“You don’t have to believe me” Hyoga shrugged “One of the last things he told me before I left was that he was having trouble breathing. I took pains to find you and let you know for his sake, don’t blame me later if you don’t get to say your goodbyes”
Ikki searched for Shun’s cosmos, not being able to find it. But normally he wouldn’t. Despite how incredibly powerful Shun was, he remained so understated, so demure, a small green bird hiding behind new spring leaves, that the only times Ikki could plainly feel his cosmo from a distance were when he was on the defensive trying to defeat an assailant while at the same time trying not to harm them at all.
He sprinted almost slipping on the oil on the floor, forgetting Hyoga as soon as he went out of the door. If Shun truly was dying because his soul and body suddenly gave out, not being able to recover from Hades’ invasion; or because deities were fickle tyrants, that may cut Shun’s thread of life because of his refusal to give himself up to be used by them. Ikki was afraid his light would go out as quietly and unobtrusively as he lived. It was so like him not to cause a disturbance to anyone else. So like Shun to tell him he was perfectly well when he wasn’t because he knew how miserable Ikki was in that place.
He ran for miles as fast as his legs would allow him. All the while feeling like he was drowning in regret. By the time he reached the manor the moon was high in the sky.
“Shun!”
Ikki shouted into the deep silence of the house. Everything was too dark, too silent, making him fear his life onwards would be just such, he could not even imagine a life without his beloved, the one person than meant to him more than every single mortal soul on earth. He opened the door to Shun’s room, fearing he’d be too late.
“Shun” he said softly. His little brother looked peaceful in his sleep, none the worse, this close he could clearly tell his cosmo was burning like a steady, dazzling star. Shun shifted in his bed, opened his eyes.
“Nii-san?” said Shun, blinking the sleep off his eyes, sitting up slowly in the bed “Why are you here? Is something wrong?”
“Nothing” Ikki breathed, he cupped Shun’s face in his hands drinking in the sheer beauty of him, sitting on the bed as relief took all his strength away. He couldn´t give his little brother up, not to Death and much less to Hyoga- Ikki leant in, softly kissing Shun’s sweet lips, relishing in the taste of him; but his moment of insanity was short lived and Ikki hurried to break the kiss, a small, startled hum of complaint got caught in Shun’s throat.
“Shun, I-” Ikki, never talkative, was a complete loss for words. The more so because now Shun’s lovely face was flushed, deep crimson roses in his cheeks making him look almost feverish.
Shun lifted his hand to touch his own lips, “You are real” his voice was an almost inaudible, dazed whisper “You are really here”
Shun’s eyes were big and shone with unshed tears. His hands shook as he took his older brother’s hand in his, placed it flat over his chest. Ikki could feel his little brother’ heart going so fast, just like holding a scared, little bird.
“You are trembling” Ikki said in a broken whisper “I’m a brute, I have frightened you- I shouldn’t have, I’m-”
Shun shook his head “It’s nothing like that –“ he blurted out “The only thing about you that ever frightens me is the thought that I could ever lose you. That for some reason one day you won’t return to me or that you will belong to someone else” Shun squeezed his brothers hand a bit harder, keeping it over his mad heart “you see, I belong to you-“ Shun earnest eyes looked right into him “I- I belong to you and have done so since forever. Maybe since before I was born and I will even after I die. I don’t know how else to explain it. And I don’t want it to be any different, I don’t care what anyone says. And- and you just kissed me and if I’m afraid of something it’s that I will wake up, or that you will take it back when all I want is for you to kiss me again, Nii-san”
Ikki placed his free palm against his little brother’s feverish cheek, getting close enough that their noses were almost touching, “Shun, Are you sure?” he could feel the warmth of Shun’s breath “You said there was someone you loved”
“It’s always been you” Shun said with a bashful smile “But I couldn’t tell you, I was so afraid you would hate me for it. I could never endure that, nothing could ever be worth that, just the thought of losing you again makes me sick”
“How could I be in my right mind and hate you. Don’t you know you are more dear to me than anything- than everything. The world is only good- life is only worth it because you are in it” Ikki said hoarsely “I couldn’t live without you, I would go insane” he ran thumb gently on Shun’s cheek, unable to hide his contented, triumphant grin “I have longed for you so, If I kiss you again I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop”
“But I don’t want you to stop” Shun said quietly, looking shyly upwards at Ikki from under his long lashes, blushing beautifully
Ikki looked into the depths of his brother’s eyes searching for one grain of shame or doubt or reluctance, finding nothing flickering in his little brother’s soul but sparks that would put to shame so many constellations and the purest trust and devotion.
His little brother then beat him to it; Shun lifted his face to him, drew Ikki softly by his shirt, pulling him towards him, kissing him on his lips. Ever so gently, tentatively, fearing he’d be pushed away, but his fears were immediately quenched by his brother eagerly returning his kiss, deepening it when Shun’s lips parted for him. He gathered his little brother to his chest and kissed his neck. Hiding his face in the crook of Shun’s neck, breathing in the petrichor scent of his skin as he never thought he’d be able to.
Shun laughed
“What is it?” Ikki asked
“Your sideburns tickle” Shun said smiling brightly, blushing even more so
“Do they?” said Ikki, smiling, cupping Shun’s face in his hands, kissing him again and again and again, delighting in Shun’s little gasps and meows of pleasure. ‘Nii-san’ was what Shun moaned softly in his ear making Ikki’s spine shiver, sending electricity through the nap of his neck. It killed him to put a stop to it but he had to.
“Nii-san-?” Shun said breathlessly, fear entering his eyes, thinking the dream was ending, that his brother was coming to his senses
“Not here.” Ikki said almost savagely, squeezing Shun’s hand firmly in his own. “This is ours”
Shun’s fear dissipated, he understood. The manor was an annex to his brother’s hell. Shun wanted nothing more than to bring him happiness and pleasure and joy and that could not be had in here.
“I have this little house far out in the country,” Ikki continued “I was just getting it ready, It’s not a manor nothing close to it, if anything it’s closer to a shack, and it needs so much work yet, but I got it for you… and me, if you will have me. Only for us. We could be happy there” Ikki said fervently “Shun, please don’t cry, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to”
Shun shook his head effusively as he wiped the tears that kept running down his face with the cuff of his sweater, he could never help that, to know that the place his brother was building was for him filled his heart with so much joy he could not contain it. Shun brought his brother’s hand to his lips kissing his fingers tenderly, and then Ikki’s lips once again, so there would be no doubt of what his feelings were “When can we go?”
“How fast can you get your things?” Ikki said with a crooked smile watching Shun jump off the bed and go around the room like a whirlwind. Flitting back to him when he’d gotten everything, throwing himself into his arms, his hair still prettily tousled, his steps the lighter Ikki had ever seen them.
They left the manor behind them. Once outside, under the moonlight, Ikki took hold of Shun’s hand, kissed the inside of his delicate wrist reverently, the look of devotion in his little brother’s eyes almost too much to bear. Their fingers intertwined as they walked away, making a vow in their hearts to hold on to each other and never let go.
Thank you for reading!