Archive of Our Own

Beomgyu can almost recall the exact moment he swore he would no longer finish high school as a virgin. Being the only openly gay kid at your school can do wonders for your psyche, and much damage to your desire to get freaky with anyone, but as he plays his clarinet mindlessly, he stumbles for a second. His eyes blow wide as he watches their newest quarterback come off the field, throwing his head back, his wet hair dripping with sweat as he pants, his cheeks such a lovely colour of rose.

Beomgyu can no longer pretend to be playing.

His mouth falls open, only brutally being reminded of the job he has to do when he gets a sharp elbow to his side, the action startling him as he turns his head to glare at his best friend. Kai only meets him with a playful grin as he hits his triangle.

Beomgyu’s sweating by the end of the game, his uniform suddenly itching as his eyes never leave the beautiful boy he has somehow never managed to notice before now, and if it weren’t for Kai’s ( supportive ?) hand on his arm, he would’ve fallen over several times tonight.

“You know that simply staring at a boy for several hours won’t get you laid, right?”

Beomgyu almost wishes he could knock the grin off of his face with a smack, levelling him with a glare as he packs away his instrument.

“There’s not a single cheesy blockbuster out there where a jock sleeps with a nerd, stop deluding yourself for both of our sakes, will you?” Beomgyu retorts, his brows furrowing as he turns his head to give him one last longing glance, wishing he had even an ounce of courage that Kai has to be able to breathe in the handsome stranger's direction. High school was no place for a sexually repressed loser .

“Can we at least walk by him mysteriously , maybe gather the energy for a passive wave? I could probably find out his address for you if you’d like,” Kai doesn’t stop, rambling on and on like a never-ending monologue, Beomgyu didn’t even know his name.

“He must be new here, right? I’ve never seen him before.”

He didn’t mean to set Kai off on another tangent, knowing he would never let him live it down if he thought he had a crush on a boy, for god's sake, but here he was, giving the younger boy all the energy, he needed to fuel his fire of interrogation.

“I forget you chose not to participate in the social class of your peers and chose to ignore every person who walks through these halls every day,” Kai sighs dramatically, and before Beomgyu can truly come to regret it, he goes again.

“That’s Soobin, he’s just about the hottest thing that’s ever come across this small town since the cinema got Robert Downey Jr.’s 'Tuff Turf', everyone is into Soobin,” Kai says it so nonchalantly as if that should include Beomgyu in his group of admirers by default.

“Soobin is not Robert Downey Jr.,” Beomgyu says simply, throwing his case over his shoulder as Kai takes his sweet time to pack his things.

Kai gives him a look as he stops, “Don’t take it so literally, you know what I meant, and you’re just being a jerk about it because he’s making you feel some kind of way.”

Beomgyu only grunts as he continues to wait, despite being annoyed by his persistence, he wouldn’t leave Kai alone to wallow in his gossip. 

“I’m just saying,” Kai finally picks up his bag, slinging it over his shoulders, “it’s okay if you’re attracted to him, a rumour on the vine says he may not be as straight as everyone else, and that’s a rumour you shouldn’t ignore, for the sake of your virginity.”

Beomgyu wants to be mad at him for speaking so crudely, but he’s right, he is incredibly attracted to the man, but he is also scared. 1989 was not the time for frivolous exploration with your classmates, not when everyone seemed to not even want to breathe the same air as him most days.

“Hey, Soobin!”

Beomgyu’s head shoots up when he hears Kai call out for the football player, watching him as he walks out of their locker rooms, his hair now dampened from a fresh shower. Beomgyu moves his hand up to make sure he’s not drooling, he’s afraid he would never be able to live that down.

Soobin doesn’t seem to mind as he gives them both a warm smile, reaching all the way to his eyes. He reaches a hand out to shake Kai’s before bringing him into a half hug, and Beomgyu hates to admit it, but he’s jealous. He suddenly wishes it was him being pulled into those arms, being held, to smell what the man smelt like freshly cleaned…

That’s weird, he reminds himself, he didn’t want to seem like a pervert, he wasn’t like that. Right? He might be wrong when he can’t tear his gaze away from the line of muscles stretching up Soobin's side when his shirt lifts just slightly. He realizes he’s sweating as Soobin speaks to him now, unable to answer him as he stares doe-eyed.

“Beomgyu?”

Kai is teasing him, he can hear it in his voice as he waves a shaking hand in front of his face, and if Beomgyu hadn’t already been so embarrassed by the fact that he had been caught staring, he would’ve noticed the blush rising on Soobin’s cheeks.

“Sorry, Beomgyu seems to be a bit tired after all that work, blowing and stuff, you know?”

Kai is giggling again, and the usually cute sound is getting under his skin as he shoves him a bit, desperate to stop the humiliation with the jokes. Didn’t Kai want him to make a good first impression? Why was he making it so hard for him. 

Beomgyu wants to cry, but he’s stopped as Soobin reaches a hand out anyway, waiting for him to shake it.

“It’s nice to meet you, Beomgyu.”

With a flash of a shy smile, Beomgyu is ruined.

Beomgyu is sure that Kai won’t let it go that easy, not when every time they enter the cafeteria, he gives him a sharp jab to the ribs with his elbows and makes possibly the most unsubtle head nod towards Soobin.

It’s not like it’s even really a crush, he just thinks he’s an attractive person, that happens to cross his path often.

“Rumour has it, Soobin’s dick is massive.”

His head shoots up embarrassingly fast, and he’s certain that if he had been eating, he would’ve choked and died by now. He can see it now, covering the school newspaper.

‘Beomgyu Choi, died at age 18, a tragic virgin who choked at the mention of dick size.”

He thinks he might want to die when he sees Kai give him a look from across the lunch table.

“Oh, do tell me more.”

Kai’s smile is sinister, and he wants to punch it off of him, but he holds himself back, you know, for the sake of decorum.

His friend group seems hell-bent on forcing him to listen to every spicy detail from Soobin’s escapades, and he wishes he could block them out, but they’re not listening. 

“I heard he’s hooking up with a boy from St. Catherine’s, super on the down low, but you have some competition,” Kai is grinning at the news, and Beomgyu doesn’t like the way that this sets alight a new fire in his brain, giving them little worms of thought that sneak into the crevices of desire.

“Oh, that’s good for him.”

Beomgyu tries to shut the conversation down, his gaze moving down to the much more fascinating cracks in the table. 

“What are you guys talking about?”

It’s Soobin, popular, beautiful Soobin, standing at their table of nerds, and he’s breathtaking. Beomgyu will for sure be writing that word down in his diary that definitely isn’t filled with gross love poems, absolutely not , thank you.  This means he also doesn’t have it in him to answer, but Kai does it on reflex.

“Oh, just that party last weekend, we didn’t go, but it sounded like a lot of fun. Was it?”

Kai looks happy when he asks, but he knows what the smile is hiding. Evil thoughts, evil intentions, devious ploys, he was too familiar.

“Oh, yeah. I guess; no different from any other party, really.”

Beomgyu wouldn’t know what any other party was, they had never had the privilege of being invited to one, but he didn’t want to sound like an even bigger loser than they already looked. He couldn’t even understand why he was talking to them, what did he get out of this besides lowering his social credit significantly?

“You should go to the next one with me, yeah?” 

He’s not entirely sure who he was posing the question to, but he nods dumbly, too distracted by the bright smile, that was aimed in his general direction. Soobin leaves after that, and Beomgyu is quick to turn his gaze back to his sandwich, refusing to be interrogated by Kai any longer. But that’s not what he does, instead Kai only turns towards him to ask him what he was doing after school.

“What else is there to do but go home, lay in bed and block the world out with music?”

Beomgyu is only half serious when he asks the question, but truthfully, that is what he usually does when he goes home after school. His homework is already done before the school day even ends most days, so there’s truly nothing at home to rot his brain away other than his music and Nintendo. It didn’t matter today, as Kai was keen to visit him.

“I’m serious, I picked up something fantastic from that weird kid that works at Blockbuster, you’re going to love it.”

Pity Beomgyu should know by now that that meant he should be avoiding Kai at all costs, because please explain to him how he finds himself sitting in front of the tiny shitty TV he saved all of his allowance up for, watching Kai make terrible decisions.

“For the record, I never agreed to this,” Beomgyu likes to pretend he sets firm boundaries with Kai, but often times they usually get run over pretty fast, and as he slides the tap that was clearly a bootlegged version of something else, and he can’t help but wonder if his boundaries were working.

“Beomgyu, I promise, this is going to change your life,” Kai’s eyes gleam with an excited shine as he pulls himself down onto the floor to sit with him, his hands far too grabby with the remote.

He doesn’t necessarily think that’s true, but Kai is already fast-forwarding through a bunch of fodder before stopping when the screen glows a bright white.

“Prepare yourself now.”

Beomgyu isn’t entirely sure what he thought Kai would be ‘changing’ his life with, but he thinks a raunchy porn might’ve been last on that list of possibilities.

“Kai, what the fuck, turn that off,” It’s clear that Beomgyu’s embarrassed as he lurches towards the younger boy, levelling him with a glare as he desperately tries to steal the remote out of his hands. Kai is giggling as he holds the remote high above his head, his height setting him apart, which it makes just a bit too easy to antagonize Beomgyu’s shame.

“There’s nothing wrong with exploring another person’s body, you’re sexually repressed, and I think it’s high time you get comfortable with it,” Kai is giggling, his hand outstretched so high his fingertips could nearly graze the ceiling, forcing Beomgyu to give up and sit back down.

“This is a really weird way to therapize me, you know.”

Beomgyu tries his best to display his displeasure to Kai, who frankly looks like he doesn’t care much about it, his grin spread far too wide to be normal as he settles back down next to him.

“Look, I even made it gay , you know, for you to digest better.”

Beomgyu groans as loud as possible without making it weird as he rests his head back on his bed, trying to block out the obnoxious moans coming from his TV, he’s never been more glad that his mother works such long shifts at the hospital, as this would be very difficult to explain to her.

“I’m not repressed or whatever you’re thinking, I’m just inexperienced, there’s a difference,” Beomgyu huffs as he turns to look at Kai once more, who seems to be watching the film in fascination. It truthfully wasn’t doing much for him, just because he was gay , didn’t mean he liked watching some random men rub up against one another.

“Have you had your first kiss yet? I’m going to assume you haven’t as I’d expect the basic decency as your best friend , that you would tell me about it,” Kai shifts slightly as he turns around to face him, and Beomgyu may still be embarrassed to look at him so directly, not when his face was so easy to read.

“It’s a little difficult if you haven’t noticed, it’s not like there’s not an abundance of gay men around here,” Beomgyu huffs quietly as he looks down at his shorts, picking at the fraying hems to distract himself from the weird feeling swirling in his stomach.

“Do you want to have your first kiss with me?”

He’s sure he’s misheard, his head flying up in shock to look the boy in the face, searching desperately for some kind of cracked smile, a hint of a joke, but there’s nothing. Kai is serious about his question, and Beomgyu’s not entirely sure how that makes him feel.

“So that when you do manage to kiss Soobin, you won’t look like a total loser.”

Kai’s smile is back, and it’s as devious as before, his hands reaching out to tickle Beomgyu’s sides gently in an attempt to cheer him up. He hates that it works, and his frown begins to soften out.

“You wouldn’t make fun of me, right?”

He’s not sure when he made his decision mentally, but he’s speaking now, and Kai’s smile never changes.

"Make fun of you? Always .”

It makes him feel a bit better, as his best friend seemed so keen on keeping the weird energy between them fluid, and happy, never wanting to push what he was comfortable with.

“Okay, it’s just a one-time thing, right?” Beomgyu isn’t even sure why he’s asking, Kai was doing this for him, and not the other way around. Kai had had his first kiss years ago, he knows because he had bragged about it for weeks, and he had to memorize every detail of the story before Kai would let him forget about it.

“I’ll kiss you as many times as you want, totally up to you, Gyu.”

Kai seems much calmer than Beomgyu feels right now, his heart beating far too hard in his chest to be normal, his hands almost shaking as Kai scoots closer to him, raising his eyebrow at him as Beomgyu seems frozen in place.

“Do I have to initiate everything around here?” Kai smirks as he lets his hand rest on Beomgyu’s thigh, clearly trying to calm him down.

Beomgyu’s breath hitches as he gulps before shakily nodding, not knowing if he was brave enough to start anything on his own, knowing he would need encouragement from his best friend first. He wipes his sweaty hands off on his jeans, taking a deep breath as he struggles to break the eye contact between them, despite his heart threatening to burst at any sudden movement.

Kai’s hand remains firm on his knee as he leans down to brush their lips together, and suddenly it all makes sense to Beomgyu. Kissing is as dramatic as they make it seem in the movies, all the imaginary fireworks going off in his head, and Kai kisses him so eagerly. Beomgyu lets out an appreciative noise in the back of his throat, and it’s clear that Kai takes this as a good sign, his grip on his thigh only tightening.

He could feel his chest rise and fall, with every breath he could smell the musky scent of Kai’s Old Spice cologne, and it was taking a firm spot in the front of his mind, his eyes slipping shut far too soon after. This was far better than he could have imagined, better than the shitty porno that continued in the background.

Beomgyu wants him closer but is terrified to push his boundaries, his hands shaking as he places his hands down on his shoulders, but Kai doesn’t seem to mind, almost half crawling into Beomgyu’s lap until their chests are flush against each other. Beomgyu’s hands are as greedy as Kai’s, letting his touch roam as much as they desired as if he were relishing in the idea that not only was he touching another boy for the first time, but he was touching Kai.

For a dangerous moment, he imagines what it would be like to properly touch him, like in the film. Maybe he was too harsh with his criticisms earlier, because suddenly the idea of rutting on Kai, seemed to be a bit more appealing. It was a feeling he could get used to, who knew such a simple touch could feel this exhilarating ?

A loud moan stops Beomgyu’s thoughts from edging into any more dangerous territory, making him pull away as fast as possible from Kai’s dazed expression as if he had been hit over the head, a dazed look on his face.

Beomgyu wasn’t even sure if he was back to thinking yet, his hands hovering slightly in the air, the lingering feeling of Kai on his lips plaguing his mind endlessly with possibilities.

“Good?”

Kai seems unbothered by the revelations developing at hyper speeds in Beomgyu’s head, desperately trying to shake them off and move on, but his eyes make it impossible, so bright, so shining.

“Yeah, it was good,” Beomgyu breathes out, hiding his shaking hands under his legs.

He’s not entirely sure how it happens, but it happens a lot now. Kai will come over after school, because ‘my sisters are annoying’ he says, but Beomgyu’s not entirely sure if that’s the whole reason. As they tumble through his bedroom door, Kai’s hands moving way too fast on his waist, the kiss is more of a disaster as he struggles to take proper breaths. His hands are barely able to fumble with his radio to turn his music on loudly, just , in case his mom decides to come home early.

It's not like they were doing anything, technically, that is, unless the sloppy make-out sessions were considered something. Beomgyu isn’t graced the time to think about it too hard, Kai’s hands pushing him down onto his small bed, just barely able to catch himself. In all honesty, Beomgyu thought that this new development in their friendship would mean that Kai would let go of the whole Soobin thing, but that is not the case.

“You’re learning so well,” Kai mumbles softly, and that’s right, he’s supposed to only be learning . Maybe Beomgyu’s let this go on for a bit too long, it’s not like two weeks could be detrimental to their friendship, right? He’s not encouraging it per se, just that when Kai asks, he claims he needs more practice, just to get it right. Perhaps Kai knows he’s faking it, but maybe he doesn’t care either, his hands hungrily devouring every inch of exposed skin as Beomgyu’s jumper rises higher on his stomach.

His brain goes blank, uncaring for consequences as the sound of Depeche Mode floods his ears, his own hand clinging tightly to Kai’s artificially blonde locks. He’s just about to push his boundaries, wanting to know how it feels to be touched just enough more than maintaining the integrity of his friendship, when he hears the garage door open. Beomgyu’s limbs work faster than his brain as he pushes Kai off, just a bit too forcefully, sending him awkwardly tumbling off the side of the bed.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.”

Beomgyu tries not to laugh at the absurdness of the situation as he climbs down from his twin bed to inspect Kai’s injuries, wincing slightly as a small bruise begins to form on his cheek.

“I panicked,” Beomgyu tries to excuse his actions, giving Kai puppy dog eyes as he holds his hand to his cheek as if it could make it feel any better. Kai levels him with a look, one that shows he is not impressed.

Beomgyu tries to make himself feel better to get a better look on Kai’s cheek, the guilt still gnawing at his heart as he has let his fear get the better of him, and now Kai is on the other end of those repercussions. The younger boy doesn’t respond either for a long moment, only making him feel worse as Beomgyu continues to spew useless apologies.

“I think my mom just got home, and as stupid as it sounds, I just didn’t want her to catch us like this…”

Beomgyu almost hopes there’s a glint of hurt in Kai’s eyes as if he weren’t the only one feeling weird about this, but it seems he is, as Kai’s innocence reflects back to him.

Kai finally cracks a shy smile, laughing a bit at the absurdity of the situation they had landed in.

"It’s okay, it is a little funny the more I think about it, but don’t worry. I’ll be okay, next time, maybe just a warning would be nice?”

Kai is far too cute for his own good, as Beomgyu chuckles in relief, feeling the tension leave his shoulders for now. “You’re right, a warning will be issued with an abundance of time next toss.”

Kai gives him a look that he nearly struggles to decipher for a moment, his brows furrowing, suddenly reaching forward to grab one of his Nintendo controllers before switching on his TV without another word.

“By the way, Beomgyu, speaking of learning new things, I heard a little birdy mention that Soobin will be at that big Halloween party next week.”

Beomgyu's eyes widen in surprise, and he blushes a bit, surprised by the sudden influx of information, unsure of what Kai was expecting him to do with it. “You heard that, huh?”

Kai nods, mischief filling his voice as his previous frown turns into a grin. “Oh yeah, I heard it all right. So, I’m thinking it’s finally time you make your move?”

Beomgyu shifts uncomfortably in his seat, suddenly feeling conflicted when faced with the likely truth that Soobin is no longer the only boy that he likes. “Gag me out the door, Kai, no one as hellacious as Soobin is going to go for me.

Kai raises an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. “What's not simple about it? You've been crushing on him forever, and now you have a perfect opportunity to talk to him at the Halloween party.”

Beomgyu sighs heavily, his gaze drifting to the floor. “As if we’re even going to be invited to this stupid party in the first place, you really should try to be a bit more realistic.”

Kai pats Beomgyu's shoulder, his playful demeanour becoming something, a bit different. “Oh, don’t worry about that, my little guy. Your best wingman has it all figured out, we’re getting invited to that party, and here’s how.”

Beomgyu can’t hold back his laugh at Kai’s ridiculous plan that he coined a nickname for, but the more he thinks about it, the more absurd it becomes, and he’s sure he’s not capable of any of the things Kai is writing down. As he looks down at his sketch of notes, he glances sceptically at the title, almost rolling his eyes.

'Kai’s epic how-to guide on boinking Soobin’

He’s not entirely sure where Kai had found the uniform, but he knows it’s either going to get him killed by a cheerleader or one of the other football players, and he’s unsure if there’s ever been a time in his life when he’s felt more ridiculous.

“Kai, this is so fucking stupid, someone is going to punch me out in the halls,” he groans loudly from inside his bathroom stall, unable to stop looking down at himself, wanting to change immediately.

“It’s only stupid if it doesn’t work, which isn’t possible because you probably look hot! Can you please leave your fortress of solitude and come and face the world?”  

Beomgyu manages another groan of despair as he forces himself to leave the stall despite how stupid he feels, his hands tightly wound into fists to prevent them from hiding behind his arms. “This is dumb, Kai; I even feel stupid. There’s no chance this is what Soobin is into.”

Kai chuckles as Beomgyu reluctantly steps out of the bathroom stall, dressed in the outfit Kai had picked out for him. “You look perfect, Beomgyu, trust me. Confidence is key. Besides, if Soobin is into you, which he is, you’ll know for sure after he sees you in this tempting outfit.”

Beomgyu feels self-conscious as he looks at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, the pastel orange really should be clashing against his complexion, the bright yellow ‘Beavers’, doing very little to save the look. It should be the skirt that throws the look off, but he can’t help but admire the frilly piece of fabric.

Kai, undeterred, steps closer and adjusts Beomgyu's turtleneck. “You just need to believe in yourself. And remember , it's spirit week, so everyone's wearing something a little fun. You won't stand out that much.”

Beomgyu sighs and tries to psych himself up. “Not everyone is going to be wearing something that could get them dress-coded the moment I exit the bathroom, let alone punched out by some homophobic dick.”

Kai nods, completely disregarding his worries as if they meant little to him. “That's the spirit, Beomgyu! Now let's go out there and put a brave face on and get your man. And who knows, maybe you'll surprise yourself, and snag the jock boyfriend of your dreams.”

With a deep breath, Beomgyu follows Kai out of the bathroom, determined to try and at least feel comfortable in the uniform, but he can already imagine the looks waiting for him outside those doors. He almost wants to confess his guts out right there, in the bathroom, where he couldn’t help but almost gag at the amount of aquanet in the air, nearly stifling his nerves.

As Beomgyu and Kai make their way down the crowded school corridor, the curious glances and whispers from their classmates are becoming harder to ignore, he almost wants to reach out and grab onto Kai’s hand for support, but he backs down too soon. Beomgyu feels beyond exposed in the uniform, his hands nervously covering his legs, not wanting people to look for too long. He can feel his heart beating out of his chest, and there’s simply no way he can make it the whole day, the stares only getting progressively worse. 

Beomgyu never particularly liked having calculus first thing in the morning, but today he’s grateful. Soobin was in this class, and maybe, just maybe , if he could get this over with, the sooner he could take it off. Beomgyu can’t help but feel a surge of anxiety course through him, continuously fidgeting with the short skirt, trying to appear confident despite the unusual outfit.

Kai, his eternal optimist, leans in and whispers quietly to Beomgyu, “I think you may be the hottest boy to ever grace the state of New York.”

Beomgyu barely manages a nod, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. “What if he’s not even here today? I fear I would simply die if this was all for nothing.”

When they walk into the classroom, he can see right away that there are some raised eyebrows and stifled giggles, but Beomgyu chooses to ignore them, for the sake of his sanity. He looks around, hoping to spot Soobin, and there he is, sitting near the back of the room, a look of surprise on his face as he takes in Beomgyu's attire.

As Beomgyu goes to take his seat, he can’t help but notice that Soobin's gaze remains fixed on him, and if you ask him later about it, for the life of him he wouldn’t be able to tell you where the confidence comes from, as if wanting to prove to Kai that he could do it. He shoots Soobin a sly smile as he bends slightly to hand his bag on the back of his chair, and for just a moment he throws his shame away. And it seems to work as he looks at the boy once more, his face mixed with bewilderment, and perhaps a hint of something darker. Beomgyu almost wants to imagine it was lust in his little delusional land. Beomgyu gives Soobin a much shyer smile this time, and to his surprise, Soobin smiles back, his gaze filled with something he struggles to decipher.

It almost reminds him of how Kai looks at him when he pulls away from a kiss, somewhere lost in the land of confusion, adoration ? Beomgyu doesn’t want to get ahead of himself and his delusions as he shakes his head, unwilling to face how he actually felt about either of them, the feelings much safer tucked away in a neat little box at the back of his mind.

Class is over before he realizes it, the final bell ringing in his ears as it cuts his teacher off, signalling the end of the school day. Beomgyu barely has time to pack his bag up before Soobin approaches Beomgyu, nearly tripping over his own feet to do so.

“That’s quite a look on you, I’m unsure if I’ve ever thought that the uniform was this appealing in my life.”

Beomgyu blushes deeply, unsure of how to react to the confession, but he manages a reply, “I figured I'd take a chance and have some fun. Really, it was all Kai’s idea.”

Soobin's smile grows just a tad, and he leans closer. Beomgyu can almost smell the old spice cologne pouring off him in thick waves. “Well, it was a great idea, you’ll have to give my thanks to him. You definitely stood out to me. And I must say, you really do look adorable in that uniform, maybe you should join the team?”

Beomgyu's heart skips a beat as he feels his cheeks heat up, he can see Kai out of the corner of his eye fist bumping the air in celebration, and Beomgyu almost wants to cry in the embarrassment he feels from his best friend. Perhaps this daring choice had indeed opened the door to Soobin’s unexpected affections, something that had the potential to be truly memorable – was Beomgyu’s opportunity to lose his virginity really falling into his lap, just like this ?

“Do you think I could grab your number? You know, just in case I wanted to see your uniform up closer?”

If Beomgyu’s heart was skipping before, it just crashed, and he may have to be resuscitated now. The offer to exchange numbers was killing him in anxiety, but he could hardly believe his luck, this was happening to him? What kind of nerd fantasy was this becoming? He couldn't help but glance over at Kai, who was practically dancing with excitement in the background, a stark reminder of what his heart yearned for.

Trying to regain his composure as suavely as possible, Beomgyu manages to stammer out a response, “Yeah, sure, you can have my number. I'd like that.”

He pointedly leaves out Soobin’s comment about the uniform, not quite ready to dig too far into that idea just yet. He tears a page out of his notebook before hastily writing his number down in one of his glitter gel pens. Their fingers briefly brush against each other while exchanging the notes, Beomgyu's heart skipping once more. He can’t believe that Soobin is interested in him, and yet, his mind can’t help but linger on Kai.

Soobin smiles warmly as he takes the paper back. “Tubular, I'll call you after seven. Maybe we can hit the arcade or something?”

 Beomgyu nods, his heart still racing but his smile wide. “I'd love that, Soobin.”

As Soobin walks away, Beomgyu watches him, a mix of disbelief and excitement swirling in his mind. It seems as if Kai’s insane plan was actually falling into place, and as much as he would never admit it, he had a point about the stupid uniform.

Beomgyu walks home in a daze, his heart fluttering at the real idea of finally snagging a boyfriend, almost too excited at the prospect of just a phone call. Kai won’t stop talking about the win, but he can’t bother to squash his excitement, because his dumb plan had worked.

“Mom, please get off the phone! It’s important,” Beomgyu is nearly pleading with his mother, nervously glancing over at the time ticking away on the large clock across the living room, inching closer to seven with every passing moment.

 His mom gives him a look, quietly telling him off as he continues to speak with her friend, their gossiping taking precedence over Beomgyu’s maybe , hot date. He wants to yell, but he doesn’t, he loves his mom, he could never do that, but it sounds tempting, resisting the urge to throw himself into bed dramatically.

 Beomgyu anxiously hovers near his mother, hoping to catch her attention, wanting nothing more than to hang up for her. His persistence finally pays off after a couple of excruciatingly long minutes, where she notices his restlessness and the growing frustration on his face.

 “Listen, I've got to go,” she says to her friend on the phone, hastily ending the call. She turns to Beomgyu with a small frown. “I'm sorry, dear, you know how chatty Susan can be.”

 Beomgyu nods, his relief palpable. “It's okay, Mom. A friend is going to call me soon, you promise you won’t pick up while we talk, right?”

 His mother's eyes twinkle with curiosity, and Beomgyu almost regrets saying anything.

 “Someone special, perhaps?”

 Beomgyu blushes slightly but decides to share, hoping it will keep her curiosity to a minimum. “Yeah, Mom.”

 His mother's smile only widens. “That sounds lovely, dear. I’m very happy for you, and I hope this boy is making you happy.”

 Beomgyu reassures her and gives her a quick hug before darting to his room to prepare himself for the call. He checks his appearance in the mirror, his heart racing with excitement. This was it, the moment he was waiting for. He knows it doesn’t matter what he looks like, Soobin can’t technically see him, but he just knows that he would be able to feel how cute he looks.

 As Beomgyu waits, not so patiently, for Soobin's call, he can’t help but feel a sense of guilt creep into his subconscious, why did this make him feel like he was betraying Kai? They weren’t dating, and the sooner he got over his weird feelings, the better. He knows that their ‘date’ was just a phone call, but it makes him just as nervous. He needs to make a good impression, not wanting Soobin to get bored with him already.

 The phone rings and Beomgyu’s ears are ringing just as well, and his brain is short-circuiting, but he forces himself to answer, trying to keep his voice steady despite the butterflies in his stomach. “Hello?”

 Soobin's warm voice greets him from the other end. “Hey, Beomgyu. I'm excited to talk to you.”

 Beomgyu smiles, feeling more at ease with Soobin's seemingly friendly tone. “Me too. I've been looking forward to this.”

 “ So , Soobin, how was your day today?”

 Beomgyu promises that he’s doing his best to act casual, since when did something, so easy become so difficult?

 “Well, it was okay, I guess. Talking to you now definitely makes it more interesting.”

 If Kai were here, he knew he’d be slapping his arm in excitement, the shameless flirting was something Beomgyu wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to get used to.

  “If it makes you feel any better, my day was quite typical, too. School, homework, and waiting for this call, which is the highlight of my day.”

 Beomgyu wishes he knew shame again, wanting to call her up like an old friend as he buries his face into his pillow, wanting nothing more than to scream at himself.  “I'm glad to hear that. Not to be embarrassing or anything, but I was really looking forward to this call as well.”

 “By the way, speaking of highlights, have you heard about the Halloween bash that Stacy is throwing?”

 Beomgyu feels a pang of nervousness at the mention of the party. He barely knew who Stacy was, this was far too removed from his social circle, but he couldn’t let Soobin know he was that much of a nerd.

 “Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I'm not the best at parties, to be honest. I'm more of a stay-at-home-and-watch-movies type of person.”

 “That's completely okay, Beomgyu—” Beomgyu tries not to pick up on the sense of disappointment from Soobin's tone, “Parties aren't for everyone, but I thought maybe we could go together. It might be a lot more enjoyable if you come with me?”

 Beomgyu's heart races at the idea, there was no way he’d get invited on his own. “That actually sounds rad. I'd feel a lot more comfortable going with you,” he pauses for a moment, remembering the reason he had gotten here in the first place, “do you think Kai could tag along too?”

 Soobin laughs, as if unsurprised. “Of course, I love Kai. The more, the merrier, right?”

 Beomgyu wishes he could tell his heart that, unable to stop stressing over how he feels for the two boys.

 “Once again, this is absurd, there’s simply no way I can go in there dressed like this.”

 Beomgyu knows he’s pacing again, but he swears Kai won’t let him breathe in between the slutty outfits, he barely even wants to look at himself in the mirror. Kai stops him from wandering too far, grabbing him by the arms to stop his nervous walk.

 “Remember last time? Just be confident in yourself, and you’ll win the charm of the Soobin, it’s right in front of you, believe in it.”

 He won’t lie, Kai’s bright, shining eyes, pleading with him so gently, and he knows he’d give him the world if he continues to look at him like this. He shakes his head as he looks away, the air reminding him of how exposed he was feeling.

 “This is ridiculous,”

 He’s unsure where Kai came up with the couple costume idea, unsure of why he chose to match them either when he had been so happy about finding out that Beomgyu had been invited as Soobin’s date. He’s sure, If he looks into it hard enough, their outfits would most certainly be something he found in the lingerie section of the department store in the mall. Beomgyu knows the red lace is likely alluring in the artistic sense, but he’s unsure of how practical the lacy devil is at a high school Halloween party.

 “I thought Halloween costumes were supposed to be scary, this only becomes scary if my balls pop out,” Beomgyu groans as he shifts the small skirt around once more, desperate to get it to just cover more.

 “No, then it would be hot,” Kai is dead-faced when he speaks, and Beomgyu is not sure if he’s joking or not. He’s unsure if he wants him to be joking.

 “All right now, pull yourself together you little bodacious babe, it’s time to rock and roll.”

 Beomgyu cringes at his delivery, throwing his denim jacket over the outfit to try to save him some shred of dignity.

 “Just so you know, I consider that cheating,” Kai gives him a frown as he opens Beomgyu’s bedroom door to leave, and he’s unsure if he’s ever been so grateful for his mom pulling a double at the hospital.

 Even though Beomgyu was not actively involved in her social circle, he knew that Stacy was very well known for her insane parties. It didn’t take a genius to know why either, not when neither of her parents was ever home for long between jetting off for fancy vacations, leaving her with very little supervision.

He was no stranger to hearing about the insane shenanigans that occurred during her biweekly parties, and tonight seems to be no exception, as she readily calls them all into the living room. He has almost lost track of time as he squints vaguely at the digital clock sitting by the couch, just barely being able to make out a faint one. Soobin’s hand is hot on his waist, and he almost wants to push it away to be able to breathe, think , maybe even tear his gaze off of Kai, but Soobin breathes down his neck hotly as they sit down next to each other.

Stacy seems much happier now that everyone has formed a lazy circle around her, proudly showing off her empty bottle before placing it down in the centre. A lot of his classmates seem to have already left by now, as there weren’t many left, only a small handful.

“Everyone knows how to play spin the bottle, right?”

She doesn’t wait for anyone to answer, just giving the room a quick nod before scurrying off to sit in her boyfriend’s lap. Beomgyu almost wants to object, to stand up and leave before he can regret any choices he may make now that his head is a little fuzzy with the drinks he has already had. Soobin seems to have other plans, his hand tightening around his waist.

“You spin the bottle and make out, who doesn’t know how to play,”

Soobin almost scoffs, and he tries not to feel embarrassed by the clear display that Soobin knows exactly what’s happening, more than experienced with the game.

“Okay, who’s going first?” No one steps up, leaving the room to go awkwardly silent for a moment, Madonna’s ‘Crazy for You’ doing its best to fill the gap.

“Ugh, you cowards,” Chaewon speaks up, he recognizes her from his gym class, and another of the social elite out of his circle steps forward to give the bottle a strong spin. There’s a strong hoot of excitement and encouragement as the bottle slows down in front of her best friend.

Beomgyu quickly averts his eyes as she crawls forward in the circle to kiss her, the flush on his cheeks darkening as he quickly feels like an intruder. It takes longer than he expects for them to part, a wild open-mouthed kiss too much for him to process.

“That’s the bar guys, I expect every kiss to have at least half that much passion, okay?”

Beomgyu giggles a bit at the expectation, his cheeks feeling hot as he waits for the next person to go. He watches closely as the bottle spins in circles, feeling as if his mind is spinning in circles with it as the rest of his classmates exchange drunk kisses. It’s almost as if it was occurring in slow motion as the bottle comes to a shaky stop in front of Kai, Beomgyu wasn’t paying attention to who had spun it, but he can feel his hands shaking, unready to face the music.

He looks up in a panic, there is no way he can watch someone else kiss Kai, there is something that feels off about it, and he doesn’t want to think about it too much as he looks towards the other sheepish party. Soobin’s cheeks are a flush pink as he looks around nervously before his gaze falls into Beomgyu’s as if scared of how he would react, his hand having come loose from his waist.

 He doesn’t know why they’re putting the choice on him, it makes him want to run away, hide from any possibility of feeling anything, for either of them. Beomgyu doesn’t think about the way that they’re silently asking if Kai can kiss Soobin, and not the other way around.

 Before he can think about it too hard, he nods.

 It’s just a game after all, none of this truly means anything, if they were all drunk? Just a little drinking game, surely his mind, and especially his heart would understand.

 They both look away from him, and Beomgyu’s mind is spinning again, nothing quite feels realistic as he watches their faces move closer, the hesitance between them still clear. The rest of the group thinks it’s funny, the idea of two boys kissing, the girls were hot, but boys felt too forbidden, too funny to pass up. Their giggles drown out his thoughts in a wave, crashing too fast into the shore of his consciousness, and they’re kissing.

 His legs tense, his hands balling into small fists as he tries to control himself, and he almost hates to admit it to himself, but they look so good together, possibly better than he could look with either of them. Maybe this was what the journey was for so that Kai could be with Soobin instead.

 He wishes that his feelings made sense as his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat, his jaw muscles flexing. He had been on the receiving side of Kai’s kisses, which makes him confused about what side he would prefer to be on at this moment.

Perhaps what Beomgyu really wants, is to be between the two of them, receiving equal love from both sides, but surely that’s not possible. His mother taught him the importance of never being greedy, that need can’t dissipate with something as easy as love.

  Was it?

  He’s unsure if he had ever wanted something so badly before. He watches closely, possibly too closely, as Soobin’s tongue is suddenly in Kai’s mouth, and it’s so hot. Beomgyu fears he may melt watching them make out. Kai’s hand is tugging on Soobin’s weak suspenders, teasingly letting it snap back against his bare skin.

 He’s definitely too hot now as he stumbles to his feet, rushing out through the sliding doors of Stacy’s dark basement, desperate for the fresh air. Beomgyu hears the sliding door open once more, but he can’t be bothered to look behind him, far too embarrassed at the idea of it being Kai, or Soobin for that matter.

 “I’m sorry Beomgyu, I didn’t mean to kiss Soobin like that,” it’s Kai, his voice apologetic as he feels his warm hand come down on his bare shoulder.

 “It’s not that.”

 Beomgyu doesn’t feel like expanding much on that, too afraid of what that would mean, too afraid to lose his best friend over something so dumb.

 “I’m sorry too.”

 Soobin. Of course, Soobin would follow them out, he was too nice to do anything else.

 “We weren’t thinking, we were just drunk.”

 Beomgyu leans forward on the glass table, putting his face between his arms to hide the raging blush on his cheeks, fully unbothered as he exposes most of himself this way.

 “I’m not… I’m not mad,” Beomgyu sighs quietly, his chest shaking with every nervous breath. This was it; it was time to reveal his secrets, and if that meant he would be forever alone, then it was what it is.

 “I knew what could happen, we all played the game together, I just didn’t expect to like it as much as I did. I can’t explain to either of you how I feel, because I barely know. All I know is that watching you guys make out, did something for me.”

 There was no way Beomgyu could’ve gotten any of that out of his system without the courage of a few drinks down, and his only hope was that he was not slurring his words, as there was no way they would take him seriously then.

 He looks up finally, figuring it is time to meet his fate, when he’s met with silence, his cheeks still deeply flushed as he can hear the booming sound of Bananarama blasting through Stacy’s home entertainment system. Kai’s mouth is hanging open, and it becomes painfully clear to him at that moment that he might be in love with his best friend.

 “W-what?”

 Kai had never really been a poet with his words, but neither of them seem to be saying much, but he can’t blame them, he figures if it were him he’d be just as stunned. Soobin doesn’t seem much better off, as if pushed into silence by the revelation, that his crush was feeling the idea of him kissing his friend instead.

 “As I said, I can’t explain it, that’s all I have for you, and it’s totally okay if you both want to walk away and call me a freak, and never look back–”

 His rambling is cut off before he can even finish, which, rude , but there are lips pressed to his own, and he’s not given any reprieve to figure out who they are, only hands holding onto both of his sides, as if grappling for more territory.

 Their lips slide over each other, and the touch is familiar, he can barely open his eyes to catch a fluff of blonde hair, brows furrowed. It’s Kai. He really should be glad, the one person in his life who made sense. But strong arms are wrapping around his waist, making him feel grounded. This truly feels like belonging.

Beomgyu makes a whimpering sound, and Kai pulls away faster than he would like him to, but he wishes for a moment to breathe, a moment he isn’t receiving as Soobin pulls him in roughly for a kiss just as passionate as the last.

 Beomgyu can’t think, he can’t breathe, his mind intoxicated with the thought, the smell, the feeling of the two boys around him, for the first time in his life, comfortable enough to share himself.

 “Holy, this is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, you might be onto something,” Kai is breathing on his neck, goosebumps rising under every word he utters. He can feel the warmth of his cheeks spreading down his neck, and the shame of his arousal making itself painfully obvious in the small skirt.

Soobin is grinning as he pulls away from the kiss, and Beomgyu expects almost nothing less from him at this point, cocky, confident Soobin.

 “Let’s find somewhere, maybe a bit more private?”

 Soobin is shameless in his ask, and Beomgyu knows exactly what it means, and where it’s going, and he celebrates the fact that he no longer believes that he’ll die a virgin.

 “Fuck yeah.”

 Beomgyu stumbles to stand straight on his feet, certain that if either of them chose to let him go, that he would collapse.

 “I can’t believe this is happening right now.”

 Kai must be living in his head, because there’s truly no other way he could phrase this either, his legs shaking as Kai links his arm with his, Soobin close by on his other side.

 “Is this really happening?”

 He needs to ask, there’s no way this is becoming his reality so fast, he had barely been able to commit to the idea of having sex in general, let alone with his best friend, and the hottest boy at his school.

 “I’ll give you anything you want,”

 He turns his head to look up at Kai, the blush reminding him of what they had just done moments ago, what they were about to do as he nods in response. Beomgyu’s head is spinning when Soobin’s hand sneaks around his midsection to hold onto his waist, holding him up as they try to make their way up Stacy’s creaking stairs, the carpet covering doing little to hide the ageing wood.

 “What about after ?”

He regrets asking as soon as the words leave his mouth, not wanting to know what would happen after, as it felt too shrouded in mystery. There was no way for this to work, he had simply never heard of anything like this.

 “Whatever you want to happen after, will happen.”

 Kai sounds so secure in himself when he speaks, as if the fear of rejection simply did not exist in his vocabulary, and it makes him incredibly nervous. “I’ll do whatever makes you happy,” Soobin speaks up, opening one of the spare bedroom doors before Beomgyu has time to think about it for too long, his head spinning once more.

 “I’m sorry, I still can’t believe that this is real, that you both want me,” Beomgyu is breathless when he speaks, his arm hair raising when he hears the door click shut behind them.

 “It’s very real, sweetheart.”

 Soobin’s behind him again, chest pressed up against his back while his hands slide comfortably around his waist. Kai moves around to press his chest to his own once more, his hands carefully pushing his falling hair out of his face before removing the cheap devil horns from his head.

 His pulse is rushing in his ears with excitement, his hands thrumming with want as he carefully places them on Kai’s hips. He feels out of his element, unsure of what to do, where to touch, and who to kiss first.

  Kai makes the choice for him as usual, leaning in to push away the nerves and hesitation that Beomgyu could feel blocking his wants. By now, kissing Kai feels natural, as if the easiest thing in the world to do. He hopes Kai feels the same comfort from kissing him, pulling back just enough to lean over and replace his lips with Soobin’s soon enough.

He watches in a lust-filled curiosity, wanting to know, needing to see , the sight that landed them all here in the first place. Beomgyu watches them kiss with desperation to explore each other’s mouths, and he knows that there is nothing else he would rather watch and wouldn’t dare to tear his eyes away.

 He reaches for the hem of Kai’s frilly shirt before he can back away from his alcohol-induced boldness, trying to pull it over his head. The younger boy presses them towards the bed, and Beomgyu stumbles before Soobin catches him, setting him down carefully.

 He loses his mind as he watches the two of them stand above him, tall, domineering. He’s sure that his dick is twitching in his sorry excuse of boxers. Beomgyu reaches forward to grab the hem of Soobin’s pants, he’s unsure of what takes over him, but he’s tugging on them till they fall, and he’s stepping out of them now. Kai wears too little to fret too much over the clothing, in the same state of nudity as Beomgyu already. But Kai is helping undress Soobin, the suspenders long snapped off and tossed aside.

 He holds his breath as they both kneel next to him, his breath catching in his throat as their skin makes contact. He’s confused for a moment too long, before he knows it, Kai is dropping down to his knees in front of him, and all Beomgyu can do is stare, like a loser.

 He’s far too distracted by his staring, unable to tear his eyes off of Kai barely being able to mouth hotly over his boxers, but Soobin is kissing him once more, forcefully taking his attention away. He wants to drown in the feeling of being kissed by Soobin, his soft lips against his own, a welcome treat. Beomgyu can feel Kai’s nimble hands tugging his boxers down his legs before long, a soft moan falling from his lips, leaving him to see stars.

 It sounds so good.

 Kai had never been particularly loud whenever they made out, far too giggly for any of that, but Beomgyu finds himself desperately trying to hold onto every sound he makes. Soobin brings his mouth to Beomgyu’s neck, planting small open-mouthed kisses to the length of his throat. He can hear Soobin’s soft grunts against his skin, and it’s lighting a fire under him. It fills him with lust, and he throws his head back, his hands scratching gently at Soobin’s arms as he tries to drag him back into another kiss.

 As he kisses Soobin with fervour, he feels Kai become emboldened by the sounds he’s making, he begins to slowly jerk him with a loose grip, settling into a slow rhythm before taking him into his mouth. Soobin pulls away from his lips to look down at Kai, watching closely before leaning forward once more to tug his bottom lip into a small nip, his eyes glinting with a suppressed desire.

Soobin’s hand is on his own as he guides it to tangle into Kai’s hair, so sure of himself, helping him along, and Beomgyu feels like he’s so close to exploding already. There was no way he would be lasting long enough to have sex with either of them, the warm heat of Kai’s mouth setting him on edge.

 “Don’t,” Soobin tells him softly, pulling Kai off of him, able to see the way Beomgyu’s eyes were watering so soon, but Kai’s eyes are watering too, his cheeks flushed such a beautiful pink. Beomgyu almost wants to ask permission to be able to look at him for as long as he pleases, but he doesn’t. He’s not that smitten, yet.

 “Hold on, it’s only going to get better from here,” Soobin is whispering much quieter in his ear, his hand loosening around Beomgyu’s own to release Kai’s hair from his grip.

 “What’s next?”

 Beomgyu’s afraid to ask, his hands shaking slightly as he looks between the two of them quickly, waiting for either of them to answer him.

 “That really depends, are you still tipsy?”

 He thinks about it, he can feel the edges of his mind blurring just slightly, taking away his anxieties and fears, but he no longer thinks that he’s actually drunk.

 He shakes his head in response, and Kai crawls up behind him, pulling him into his lap, his eyes are blown wide as he continues to wait, wanting to be good.

 “Then what do you want to do next?”

 He no longer knows what he wants, his mind running a million miles a minute, and he needs a moment to just think.

 "I want to, want you both.”

  It’s the only thought he’s sure of, the only one he can formulate into words coherent enough for them to understand, and he just hopes it’s enough.

 The look in Soobin’s eyes tells him it is, enough to give him exactly what he wants.

 “I think can make that work, can’t we?”

 He watches as Soobin looks over Beomgyu’s shoulder towards Kai, he’s afraid to look at himself, afraid he’d do something so embarrassing he wouldn’t be able to forget about it. Kai must’ve agreed, because gentle hands are pressing on his back, pushing him so gently onto his stomach before they disappear again.

 "Which one of us do you want, baby?”

 His breath catches in his throat, never having expected to have to make a choice like this, as if it were so simple.

 “It’s his first time,” Kai cuts his thoughts off, his voice a little shaky as if unsure of himself.

 Beomgyu manages to take a peek up at Soobin, catching the surprised look in his eyes, he must no longer want to do this now, right? Beomgyu thinks this is, it’s over, and Soobin will leave. Kai wraps a protective arm around his waist as he pulls him to his chest, and Beomgyu tries his best not to think about what the darkness in Soobin’s eyes means.

 “That’s really hot,” Soobin says dumbly, and Beomgyu almost laughs at how breathless he sounds, the words relaxing him into putty in Kai’s hands. The younger boy is kissing down his neck, and he’s trying his best to keep his eyes open.

 “So, the question stands, which one do you want?”

 Beomgyu giggles softly at the eagerness, the lack of deterrence in general, with Kai’s touch distracting him from even being able to think.

 “That’s awfully presumptuous of you, isn’t it?” Beomgyu manages to breathe out, his hands settling on top of Kai’s own, his hands sneaking up to brush against his chest. “Do either of you even have any lube?”

 “Oh shit,”

 Beomgyu hears both of them groan in unison, a clear answer to his question, and he laughs. With his whole chest, until he’s out of breath, and they’re all laughing now. There’s no way the party can’t hear them laughing their heads off with the volume, all of them in disbelief that they have gotten this far just to be stopped by the lack of lube.

Kai’s hands have let him go in the chaos, letting him flop down next to Soobin, following close behind him as they all continue to giggle.

“Just know, I do expect to be boned as soon as we leave and find some,” Beomgyu threatens them both fondly, shaking his head in further disbelief that his virginity plan has been squashed so quickly when he had the two men of his dreams right in front of him. 

“You got it lover boy,” Kai whispers in his ear, curling in on Beomgyu’s body heat, his arms wrapping once more around his waist, Soobin’s joining soon after.

“Anything for you,” Soobin says softly, leaning forward to kiss him carefully on the tip of his nose.