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Christmas music and the sound of her friends laughing and talking echoed in the background as Kara threw back her fourth glass of wine, desperately wishing it had any effect on her whatsoever. She briefly contemplated whooshing over to the alien bar to pick up something a little stronger, but thought better of it when she caught a glimpse of Kirsten placing a hand on Lena’s arm. Lena had just said something that made her laugh, and Kara noticed how Lena’s eyes flickered down quickly to take in the soft, deliberate touch before looking back up into Kirsten’s eyes and smiling.
It wasn’t the guarded, polite smile that she usually gave people. It was open and inviting, and her face looked like it might actually break, with how big of a smile it was. Kara watched helplessly as Lena leaned in, Kirsten whispering something in her ear that made her blush. She could’ve eavesdropped if she wanted to, and while a part of her was dying to know, she couldn’t betray Lena’s trust like that. Kirsten not so discreetly wrapped an arm around Lena’s waist and..
Kara heard the sound of something shattering and looked around quickly, not sure where it came from. She noticed all conversation had stopped and everyone’s eyes were now fixed on her.
“Oh my god, Kara. Are you alright?” Kirsten was the first to break the silence and the first to rush over to her. Kara’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she glanced down at the table she was at and saw that her wine glass was no longer held between her fingers, but was now broken into tiny sharp shards, mostly scattered across the table, but some had made it to the floor. “Do you need me to grab my med kit? Pretty sure I left it in the car..”
Alex was at her side now, feigning checking Kara over.
“Oh, not too bad, just one tiny little cut. Nothing a bandaid can’t help. Come with me, Kara.” Alex wrapped Kara’s perfectly unscathed hand in a towel and rushed her over to the bathroom. Kelly had already swooped in with a dustpan and broom, to help clear away the safety hazard.
“Oh. Okay. Let me know if you need me to look at it. I am a doctor, after all.” Kirsten called after them sort of jokingly, and Kara caught Alex rolling her eyes. Alex had a medical degree too, but she wasn’t going around flaunting the information around.
Kara chanced a look back and saw Lena looking in their direction, concern apparent on her face. Kara smiled sheepishly before Alex practically manhandled her into the bathroom.
“Kara! Are you trying to blow your cover?” Alex hastily opened a cabinet and pulled out a box of bandaids. “Which hand was it again?” Forgetting which one she’d wrapped in a towel. Kara held up the left hand and Alex slapped the bandaid strategically where she thought a cut might happen from a ‘gripping a wine glass in your hand so hard it breaks’ incident.
Kara sighed, and rubbed her eyes in frustration. “I’m sorry, I just…I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Really?” Alex arched an eyebrow. “Cuz it’s pretty obvious to everyone else. Except Kirsten the doctor, and before tonight maybe Lena, who is probably figuring it out pretty fast.”
Kara’s face flushed, and she looked down at her feet, letting the embarrassment wash over her in waves. “Gosh, is it really that bad?” Alex nodded vehemently, and Kara groaned. “Do you really think she knows?” Again, Alex nodded yes emphatically and Kara wanted nothing more than to melt into the floor, never to be seen or heard from again.
She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t anticipated it, but she just didn’t even think about how Lena might bring her girlfriend to Alex and Kelly’s holiday party. They were pretty new still, after all. She’d been banking on Lena not feeling quite ready to introduce Kirsten to all the super friends, but apparently things were progressing well. Good for them, bad for her.
“Okay, look, here’s what we’re gonna do. Kelly will pretend she has food poisoning and we’ll tell everyone they have to go. And then you can circle back 5 minutes later and we’ll shovel in some pints of ice cream and finish off all those Christmas cookies and watch horrible Hallmark Christmas movies. Let me just text Kelly the plan..”
She reached out and placed a hand on one of Alex’s, stilling her sisters actions.
“Alex, no. Really, it’s okay. I mean, maybe I’ll just feign food poisoning, if anything.”
Alex snickered. “Well then Lena will definitely know something is up, or she’ll think someone’s laced the food with green kryptonite and she’ll get even more suspicious.” Damnit, she was right, of course.
Kara thought back to this time last year, when all the super friends were gathered for the annual holiday get together, and how different that had been. Lena didn’t know she was Supergirl yet, and things were complicated but also very simple because of that secret. Or she could at least pretend things were simple.
There’d been mistletoe above one of the door frames, and no one else seemed to get razzed into following the custom, but the second Kara and Lena were ‘serendipitously’ standing under it, everyone suddenly decided it was a time honored tradition and hooted and hollered for them to follow through. Kara remembered how she’d stood there, probably blushing profusely, hands up in a ‘no way’ gesture, and then Lena had confidently wrapped her arms around her neck and pressed their lips together.
It could have been milliseconds or several minutes, she had no idea. Regardless, Kara didn’t have time to process what was happening before it was already ending, and Lena had pulled back seemingly unaffected, giving her a friendly smile before continuing on with a conversation she’d been having with James.
But the way Kara’s lips had buzzed afterward, and the way her stomach flip flopped and her heart clenched and longed for more? She had undoubtedly been affected, and she’d had lots of time to process that kiss over the past year. And by process, she really meant obsess over.
Lena never brought it up to her, and Kara was too twisted up about it to ever mention it.
“I promise I’ll keep it together. I’ll just keep my back to them, and it’ll be fine.” Alex looked her up and down, very skeptical, but ended up nodding and telling her to just give her a sign if Kara changed her mind, and she’d have Kelly do her thing.
They both returned to the living room and she immediately felt Lena’s eyes on her. Kara smiled at her reassuringly, but it was weak and not very convincing. Lena laid a hand on Kirsten’s arm, before standing up and strolling over to her, eyes full of questions that Kara couldn’t handle answering right now.
“Kara, are you okay?” That being the first one, which was supposedly a very easy one; damnit, they were only going to get harder. “You’ve been acting a little..not yourself.” Lena reached out to touch her arm, but Kara saw her stop and think better of it, letting it rest on the table beside them instead. Kara’s heart felt like it might break inside of her. She made an attempt at sounding cavalier with her response, but it probably just came out awkward and unconvincing.
“Me? Yeah, nono, I’m good. So great, actually. To-ta-lly chill.” Lena cocked her head to the side and knitted her eyebrows together, wholly perplexed.
“But, you broke a wine gl—“
“Oh, yeah, you know, sometimes I don’t even know my own strength.” She laughed, actually a little amused by the truth of that, and she heard Lena laugh softly too and she was just about to say how nice it was to see her, because it’d been awhile, but then Kirsten swooped in to join them at that very moment, catching the tail end of the conversation. Something about the doctor’s demeanor had shifted, she seemed a little on edge and Kara wondered at what could have caused the subtle change.
“Speaking of strength, Kara, didn’t you say you could bench a 150? That’s pretty impressive. Like, need to witness it kind of impressive, and I noticed Alex and Kelly have a home gym setup.” Both their eyes drifted over to the side office space that her sister and Kelly converted into a workout area. Kirsten gave her a friendly smile, but there was an unmistakable glint in her eye and there’d definitely been a challenge in all that. Kara scratched the back of her neck, apprehensive about what to say or do in response.
She thought back to the conversation she’d gotten stuck in with the doctor a couple of weeks ago, when she’d dropped something off at Lena’s apartment. Kara had let herself in as she usually did and had been encouraged to do—luckily using the main entrance instead of the balcony. She was surprised to see Kirsten sitting on the sofa in the living room, watching some weight lifting competition on ESPN2. She’d heard about her, so wasn’t completely thrown off guard, but was a little confused what Kirsten was doing in Lena’s space, by herself.
Kirsten had sprung up from the sofa, and eagerly shook her hand, a little too firmly. It might have actually hurt, if she were human. They ended up having a total ‘Do you lift, bruh?’ conversation, prompted by what Kirsten had been watching, as Kirsten started to talk about her gym routine and how she could bench press 135 lbs.
Kara would like to pretend she didn’t know why she did it (though she 100% did), but she blurted out that she could lift 150 lbs, and Kirsten had raised her eyebrows in surprise, clearly very impressed by that number.
Was that a normal number for a human woman to be able to bench press? She had absolutely no idea, but she was leaning towards probably no.
Luckily, the Christmas song blaring on the radio station was interrupted by a special news report, alerting citizens of a dangerous fire due to a gas leak that the fire department was struggling to control and they were advising people to stay clear of the named street as well as surrounding streets.
Everybody but Kirsten looked at her knowingly, and Alex interrupted whatever this was happening with Kirsten, giving her a pretext for her necessary temporary absence. “Oh shit, Kara!” Kara breathed a sigh of relief and bounded over to Alex happily.
“Yeah? Forget something important?” Kara’s eyes thanked her sister for helping her get out of that awkward interaction. Alex’s eyes seemed to be laughing at her a little bit in response. It was a fun little silent conversation between the two of them.
“I sure did, Kara. Can you go pick up 6 more bottles of wine? Didn’t realize how low we were running, and didn’t think to pick more up earlier.”
“Yup. Can do. Be back in a jiffy.”
She’d already rushed out the door when she overheard Kirsten ask “Doesn’t she need a jacket? It’s like -5 degrees out there..” Oops. But there was no way she was going back in to grab one.
Alex started to give some excuse but Kara was out of earshot before she could hear much of it, spinning into her suit and rushing off to a burning building.
When she returned less than 10 minutes later, she had 6 bottles of wine in tow, as well as a bottle of liquor she procured during a pit stop at the alien bar. She had a sinking feeling she was definitely gonna need it to get through the rest of this evening.
She took a steadying breath before pushing the front door open. Everyone had migrated to the living room area, sitting on the couches and on the floor next to the roaring fireplace. They’d just started playing a party game of some sort, which she usually loved but this one seemed to be couple-centric, and it just reminded her how she was very much not a part of a couple. And the person she wanted to be a couple with was already here and coupled off with someone else.
“Hey! Got the wine!” She said with a brightness that she didn’t actually feel.
“Our hero.” James responded, giving her a wink. As if to drive that home, the radio station was interrupted again with another news update, notifying residents that it was now safe to be in the area previously closed off due to a gas leak, all thanks to the help of Supergirl.
“Wow. How amazing is that. Supergirl is so awesome.” Everyone’s gaze drifted over to Doctor Kirsten, who was clearly fangirling over Supergirl. Alex held her drink up to hide a smirk, J’onn nodded silently, James cleared his throat and gave a verbal agreement.
Kara chanced a glance at Lena, who was just staring at her with a very strange look that she was having a hard time reading. “I mean, I wonder how much she can bench press!”
Alex snort laughed. “I hear it’s around 150.” Kelly smacked her girlfriend’s arm.
“Hey Kara, that reminds me. What d’ya say? Feeling up for that challenge now?” Kara opened up her liquor bottle and poured a healthy amount into a glass. It was really meant as more of a sipping liquor, but Kara downed the contents in two gulps.
“Whew.” She felt a little lighter, suddenly. “Ummm…what’d you say? Sorry.” She sloshed some more alcohol into her glass, but this time she did just take a sip.
“You know, this is a Christmas party, not a lifting competition. I think we should probably keep it tha—“ Alex started, but was straight up interrupted by the doctor, who apparently was also feeling the effects of alcohol, and who clearly got a little competitive when she was drunk.
“Aww, come on. Just a friendly competition. I just have to see it, Kara. 150 for your weight class, it’s just really impressive. Almost impossible.” Kara took a couple more, slightly larger, sips of her beverage. It was very clear now that Kirsten didn’t believe her and was calling her out. Kara felt like her face was burning, and she was afraid she was at risk of breaking another glass in her hand.
“Yeah, Kara, how about you show her what you can bench. Maybe we can place a wager on it.” Alex looked pissed, and everyone else had either a shocked or amused expression stuck on their face, knowing full well what the outcome of that bet would be. Everyone else but Lena, who was gazing intently at Kara, entreating her to not follow through with this ridiculous scenario.
Kirsten chuckled, “Sure, what would you like to be—“
“No.” Kara cut her off. “No betting. Let’s just do this, then.” Kara slammed back the rest of her drink and the room started to spin a little bit. Doctor Kirsten had already made her way over to the bench and was adding weights to the bar.
Lena was silent, but the look on her face let Kara know there were a million things she wanted to say but was holding back.
“I’ll be your spotter.” The doctor announced happily. Alex opened her mouth, probably to say something to the effect of “she doesn’t need a spotter, but fuck you, I’ll be her unnecessary spotter, you pompous ass!’ Kara could almost hear her sister saying it, and laughed internally.
“Okay, that’ll be fine.” Kara gave Alex a pointed look, and her sister clamped her mouth shut.
“Great! Let’s see what you got!”
Kara settled herself down on the bench, letting her legs fall to each side, and gripped the bar firmly. Everybody stood around, they all had smirks on their faces—Kirsten for one reason and everybody else for another. Again, she noticed Lena standing off to the side, her thumb and forefinger pressing into the bridge of her nose, eyebrows furrowed, and she looked deep in thought about something.
“Okay, Supergirl.” Kirsten said jokingly. She didn’t notice how everyone in the room went eerily silent at the nickname she’d just thrown out. “On the count of three. One, two, threeeeee.”
Kara pushed the bar up off the rests slightly, and scrunched her face up, imagining that she was trying to push back a freight train traveling at full speed. She let the bar ‘teeter’ slightly before dropping it back onto the rests.
She sighed and sat up. Everyone was shocked into silence again, except for the doctor who was smiling at her smugly and saying words that she was only half tuning into. Most of Kara’s attention was on Lena, whose eyes were raised in surprise, gazing at her again with a look she still couldn’t quite place. She felt her stomach flip flop and her heart clench, and a shiver shot down her spine. Lena looked away then, breaking the spell she was under and she was taking in the rest of Doctor Kirsten’s words in stride.
“Tough break, today just isn’t your day I guess.”
Kara shrugged. “Nope, I guess not.”
Alex abruptly cleared her throat, jumping into action. “Well, guys. Sorry to shut the party down early, but Kelly isn’t feeling very good, we suspect food poisoning.” Everyone turned to Kelly and she immediately switched from a confused expression to a feigned grimace, holding her stomach.
“Yeah, aww, it just hit me. Excuse me all, I gotta get to the bathroom. So sorry, have a good night everyone.” And Kelly was rushing off into their bedroom, closing the door behind her, but Kara caught a glimpse of the smirk on her face before the door closed all the way.
The rest of the gang stood up and took turns saying their goodbyes to the remaining host. Lena and her girlfriend, who’d been oddly quiet since her ‘victory,’ were the last to bid farewell. Lena smiled warmly and gave Alex a hug.
“Thanks for inviting us, Alex. See you soon, k?” Kara had already poured herself another drink and was about halfway through it when Lena caught her eye and smiled. It was the kind of smile that reached all the way up to her eyes, and Kara felt her heart skip a beat at the thought, that just maybe this was a smile that was reserved for only her. Her breath caught, before tentatively smiling back.
“Oh, hey!” Kirsten blurted out, drawing everyone’s attention. She pointed up at the top of the doorframe, where mistletoe was hanging. The very same doorframe that Alex and Kelly put some on last year. Their doorframe.
“We’re standing under the mistletoe.” Kirsten said to Lena, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
Lena glanced up at it and then back down. “Oh, I guess we are.” She smiled politely before waving to Alex and Kara and heading for the front door. The doctor stood for a moment, a little embarrassed by the obvious slight, before clearing her throat, quietly wishing them a good night and heading out after Lena.
Finally, Alex and Kara were alone and she braced herself for what was to come by slamming back the rest of her third drink and pouring a fourth. She was definitely going to regret this and the hangover it would cause tomorrow morning.
“Kara! What the hell, dude??” Kelly hastily opened the door and was back out by them in the blink of an eye, eager to get the scoop too.
Kara shrugged and gave them a sheepish grin. “You said it yourself, wouldn’t want to blow my cover, right?”
“Oh, fuck that. Would’ve been worth it to wipe that smug smile off of her face…”
Kelly rolled her eyes at Alex before offering up her take. “I think what you did was incredibly selfless and mature. It showed a great degree of self restraint, and I don’t think I’m the only one who is thinking that.” Kelly gave her a knowing wink, and Kara could feel her face burning. She took a couple more swigs, letting the full effects of the alien alcohol wash over her.
Alex was true to her word, fishing out the pints of ice cream and some spoons, and tuning the channel over to the Christmas movie marathon. Kara had seen this one about three times already. It was especially cheesy and overly sappy, and it also happened to be one of her favorites.
The three of them sat in silence for a few moments, Alex and Kelly eyeing her surreptitiously as she devoured her pint of ice cream and a few Christmas cookies, while she continued to nurse her drink between bites. She felt warm and tingly, like her body was buzzing all over. It was kind of a great feeling, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so relaxed. Super heroes didn’t really ever get to relax.
“Kara, we gotta be honest with you about something.” Kara sighed. So much for feeling light and relaxed. She took a breath and braced herself for whatever Alex was about to be honest about. “We, um, we sort of talked Lena into inviting Kirsten to the party. She wasn’t going to, she’s actually been on the fence about calling things off with her.” Kara could hear her own heart hammering away in her chest, almost drowning out the sound of Alex’s voice with how ridiculously loud it was.
“R-really?” She couldn’t help the small feeling of hope that sprung up inside of her, before she squished it down, remembering that it didn’t change the fact that Lena only saw her as a friend.
Kelly continued with their joint explanation. “Yeah. We told her to bring her and see what all the super friends thought of her. A kind of relationship litmus test, if you will. I mean, who knows you better than your friends, right?” Kara nodded, a little absentmindedly. “The point is, I don’t think Doctor Kirsten’s litmus test came back with a very positive result.”
“Oh, definitely not. Babe, you missed it. She tried to get Lena to kiss her under the mistletoe. I almost felt a little bad for her, except that is not her mistletoe, that belongs to Kara and Le…” Alex stopped herself, and Kara was suddenly very suspicious.
“Wait a second. Last year, did you guys all plan that, with the mistletoe?” She watched how Alex’s neck and cheeks flushed red, and Kelly just smiled widely and nodded, unashamed.
“Apparently it wasn’t a big enough of a push last year, though. We really thought it’d be enough, with all the longing looks you’d been shooting each other. But no, we had to endure the ‘will they or won’t they’ torture for another insufferable whole year. And then Kirsten showed up, and that really threw us for a loop.” Alex finished and Kelly was nodding raptly in agreement, then added.
“Yeah, didn’t expect that..but, you know, people will do all kinds of things to try and shove their true feelings aside. So, we thought getting you and Lena back in the same room together, with this Kirsten, might stir up some of those true feelings, a much needed catalyst.” Kara groaned as she flopped down on the couch, draping her arm over her eyes.
“Guuuuuuys, why did you do this to me?” She thought back to how embarrassingly awkward she’d been all night and groaned some more.
“Why did we do what? Practically send Lena running into your arms, by reminding her how amazing you are? It’s cuz we love you, and because I know what’s best for my sister.” Kara felt Alex tap her knee reassuringly. She inwardly rolled her eyes, highly skeptical that Lena would be running anywhere near her, let alone into her arms, after tonight’s display.
“Come on, Kara, you both have it so bad for one another. For two really smart people, you’re both being so dumb and oblivious about this.” Kara’s jaw dropped, indignant at the insult but also in shock at the thought of Lena ‘having it bad’ for her.
Gearing up to defend herself, her protest was halted by the feel of her phone vibrating in her pocket. She dug it out and audibly gasped at the message showing up on her screen. Alex and Kelly simply stared at her, then gave each other knowing smirks, having a pretty good idea who the message was from.
Lena: Hey, would you be able to stop by for a moment? Balcony’s open.
Kara hurriedly typed back a reply. Against her better judgement, she slammed back the rest of her last drink, hoping it would help calm her nerves that were suddenly all hanging on by a thread.
She stood up and choked out a “Um, I’ve gotta..,” making a little flying pose as she did so.
“Yeah you do, go on and git!” Alex smacked her butt hard, forcing a little squeak from her throat and a small scowl on her face before she was off and flying away. She heard Alex call after her jokingly, “You shouldn’t drink and fly, don’t hit anything!”
It took her no time at all and somehow also forever to reach Lena’s penthouse balcony. The commute was just long enough for her to start to obsess and panic over what it was Lena was asking her over for, but not long enough to think about how to put her feelings into words. And for being a journalist who was really good at putting words to paper, the same could not be said for her actual talking words, especially when she was around Lena.
Peering into the living area, she saw the fireplace was turned on, casting a warm glow around the room, and Lena was curled up in a chair, studying the flames intently. Kara started to put her hand up to knock when she felt Lena’s gaze drift over in her direction. Her friend’s eyes lit up with their own spark as she waved her in.
“Wow, that was fast.” Lena laughed as she made her way over to greet her. They stood in awkward silence for just a moment, until Lena’s expression turned to one of resolve, and she stepped in closer, pulling Kara in for a hug. Totally fine, friends hug, it’s a thing friends do, not a big deal at all.
Kara breathed the scent of her in and closed her eyes, reveling in the warmth radiating from Lena’s body and trying to commit it all to memory. Okay, maybe friends didn’t do that. She sighed, frustrated with herself.
Lena pulled back a little, and assessed her. She seemed to sense her friend’s inner turmoil and Kara suddenly felt like an open book, with Lena vehemently reading through her pages.
“So, this has been a night, huh?” Lena laughed and sat down, patting the space on the sofa next to her. Kara obliged, but tried to keep as much distance between them as she could, out of respect.
“Uh, yeah. It was..different.” There was a moment of silence, and then Kara couldn’t stop herself from blurting out, “Kirsten seems, um, nice.” Lena tilted her head and arched an eyebrow. “Well, um, she seems to really like you, anyway.” She probably shouldn’t have had that last drink, words were extra hard suddenly.
“What was that whole weight lifting thing about, anyway? When’d you even have a chance to enter into a conversation about that?” Lena asked quizzically.
“Oh, when I dropped off those books you lent me for my article research. She was here. Watching a weight lifting competition.” Lena nodded, understanding how the pieces fit together.
“Surprised to see her here?” Kara tried to shrug nonchalantly, once again failing miserably at appearing disinterested. “I had a repair technician coming over to look at my dishwasher. I’d mentioned it in conversation, and that the window for their arrival was really inconvenient. She didn’t have to work that day so she offered to hang out at my place, to let them in. And then they didn’t even show up that day.”
“Gosh, I hate it when they do that.” Lena graced her with that secret smile again. Kara had to remind herself to breathe, when she looked at her like that. “Lena, you don’t have to expla—“
“No, I kind of feel like I do.” She sighed. “I feel like I have a lot to explain.” Deliberately, Lena reached over and held her hand, looking down at it and inspecting it with great interest, as she continued to speak in a slightly hushed voice.
“Kara, last Christmas, you know, with the mistletoe. It was kind of a turning point for me, and how I feel about you.” Lena had started using a finger to trace the creases on the inside of Kara’s palm, featherlight touches that made Kara feel like she was floating in the air. She looked around her, just to make sure she hadn’t started to levitate, since that was an actual thing she could do.
“How you feel..about me?” Kara repeated, still mesmerized by the feel of Lena’s hands on hers.
“Yes.” The word is whispered out on an exhale, and Kara realized that her best friend was nervous and had been holding her breath. Lena appeared frozen for a moment, emotions flickering in her eyes and belying her fear that once she said what she was about to say, there was no going back. She cleared her throat and a look of resolve fell upon her face, like she’d just made a decision. Lena started speaking again, her voice a little sturdier and sure.
“I’d wanted to do that for awhile, the mistletoe just gave me an excuse, momentarily made be feel bold. And then I kind of lost my nerve. Besides, afterward, you seemed sort of…you just..it seemed like you didn’t really like that I’d done that.”
Kara was at a loss for words. How had she managed to give the exact opposite impression of what she’d been feeling in the moment? She mentally smacked her forehead.
“Then you told me you were Supergirl, and it just seemed impossible then, that you would feel the same way. I was even more convinced that you didn’t like me. I just felt lucky to be your friend, didn’t want to make any waves.” Lena was blushing now, and focusing her gaze even more intently on Kara’s hand as her fingers glided across it. Kara’s breathing had turned shallow; she wondered if Lena could feel Kara’s pulse thrumming wildly underneath her fingers.
“You know, I was a little in awe of you at first, once I found out. I mean, Supergirl, wow. But like, there was no way Supergirl would ever have feelings for a Luthor, it was already such a stretch in my head that you’d even want to be friends.” Lena let her eyes flicker up for a brief moment, and Kara was breathless at the sight of her, swimming in irises that were just so green and inviting and warm. Her body had no choice but to respond, leaning in a little closer, closing the space between them. She went to protest, opening her mouth to assuage her fears, but Lena rushed on before she could get a syllable out.
“Then, I guess I just started pulling away incrementally, for self preservation. Because that’s what I’d been taught to do, and it’s still what I do best. And because I didn’t think I’d otherwise be able to stop myself from doing it again. From kissing you…again. It’s all I wanted to do.” She shuddered, and Kara could see the shame and embarrassment, manifesting as a deep blush across Lena’s features.
“But, that wasn’t really fair to you, or to our friendship. I know that. I assumed you didn’t feel the same way, and it really hurt to see you, and not be able to tell you all of this. So I hid that part of me away.”
Lena was looking down again, watching her own ministrations which had now moved up to the inside of Kara’s forearm, tracing the veins she saw there. Kara’s stomach fluttered and she gasped when Lena skimmed her fingers over a particularly sensitive spot on her arm, that she didn’t even know was there til now.
“Lena, you don’t—“
“Wait. Please. Can I just finish what I need to say? I just…I really need to say it now. Please.” Lena looked up and locked eyes on her, and Kara had no choice but to give Lena anything she wanted. She gave a small nod in response.
“I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t have assumed like I did, though, that you didn’t feel the same. I think I was just so scared. I didn’t want to lose you. You’re my best friend, and you were my only friend for the longest time.” Kara thought she was going to implode, with all the commotion and all the feelings happening inside of her. Lena’s words, and her fingers…she was coming undone.
“I’m thinking that I maybe should have been upfront and just asked you. And judging by how you’re letting me touch your arm right now, I think I already have my answer.” Something shifted and Lena suddenly seemed a little bolder, as she brought Kara’s arm up and placed a kiss to the inside of her wrist.
“Am I wrong, Kara? Do you not feel the same?” Lena’s eyes darkened, and she looked almost primal, with the way the light from the fire flickered across her face. She looked like she might devour Kara whole.
Kara shivered slightly, then steadied herself, trying to match Lena’s boldness. “No, you’re not wrong. Lena, I…” she trailed off, quickly losing confidence, but then she felt Lena press her lips into and kiss the ditch of her arm, where the elbow bends, and she was a force set back into motion. “I think I’ve loved you since almost the very start, but I just didn’t know that’s what I was feeling until you kissed me. It..woke something up in me.”
Lena was staring at her with wide eyes, and it dawned on Kara that it was probably because she just professed her love for her, in no uncertain terms. She rewound her memory back through what Lena had said to her so far and…nope, the ‘I love you’ was new to the conversation. Aaaaand…she was back to square one with her level of confidence.
“Um, I mean..” Well, it was true, and it was already out there. “Yeah, I’m trying to say I love you, but doing a really really bad job at it.” Lena’s hands had now slid to her sides, caressing along the indentations of her rib cages, dipping closer and closer to where the curves of her breasts started with each pass, and it was making her already labored breathing go ragged.
“This thing you’re doing with your hands…” Kara trailed off, not even sure how she wanted to finish that sentence, but it was the only coherent thought in her brain and she felt compelled to acknowledge it, and breathe it into existence.
“Do you want me to stop?” Lena asked, but her hands made no effort to still their movements.
“No, please don’t.” Kara somehow managed to form a response. Lena’s fingers left a trail of fire wherever they brushed against her, even through her shirt. She wondered how much better it would feel with those fingers directly on her skin.
As if reading her mind, Lena’s hands drifted up to Kara’s collarbones, sneaking under the neckline of her shirt to trace the length of them with her fingers a few times before moving up her neck. Before Kara knew it, Lena’s hands were bracketing her face, and gently pulling her in closer to her.
Lena leaned in, lips almost brushing hers, before pausing to ask. “Is this okay, Kara? Can I kiss you?” She enthusiastically nodded her head yes, eyes closed and waiting for the feel of soft, warm lips pressing to hers.
Instead, she felt Lena’s weight shift further away on the couch before disappearing completely. She blinked her eyes open, disoriented and a little disappointed that Lena was standing up.
Lena flashed her a huge smile, before grabbing Kara’s hand and eagerly pulling her up to her feet and over to the balcony door. Kara looked on, confused, as Lena slid the door open and promptly pushed her out onto the balcony.
She looked up and around her in surprise. At some point since she’d arrived, snow had started to fall heavily, and just since her abrupt relocation to the balcony, flakes were already catching and settling on her hair and eye lashes. She peered back at Lena, not understanding what was happening. How did she go from almost kissing Lena to being cast out without warning?
“I-I’m sorry. Do you want me to go?”
Lena lifted her eyes up towards the doorframe. Kara glanced up to where Lena was looking, and then she saw it. A mistletoe that looked like it’d seen better days.
“Oh, is that..” Lena nodded. “The..the same one from last year?”
“It is.” Kara’s heart swelled, thinking about Lena going back to Alex’s and Kelly’s to retrieve the decoration after last year’s party, and then figuring out a way to somewhat preserve it. It was so sentimental, and Kara was hit with the realization that this was a side to Lena she’d never seen before.
Unfortunately, Kara also flashed back to earlier this evening, when Lena had been standing under a different mistletoe with a different person. Lena had started to move towards her, intentions very clear, and it took everything in her to resist the urge to let her do anything and everything she wanted.
“Um, wait. S-Sorry.” The worry on Lena’s face was evident, and she clearly had some questions about why she’d been stopped from proceeding with something that they both so clearly wanted. “What, um, what about Kirsten? I mean..I can’t, if..if there’s still something there.” She thought about that a little more, and decided she actually could cross that moral boundary, that Lena would be very much worth the guilt and shame, but..she still really didn’t want to.
Lena’s features relaxed as understanding washed over her, and she laughed lightly. “Kara, you..you are such a good person.” Kara grimaced, thinking about how she was literally just about to skip across that pesky virtuous hurdle and go for it anyway. She wasn’t that good of a person.
“She and I talked on the ride back to my place, and we both agreed it wasn’t going to work out between us. She said she couldn’t keep seeing me, when I very obviously had it bad for someone else, in spite of the fact that the someone looked like, and I quote, ‘they couldn’t even bench press a toothpick.’” Kara’s jaw dropped indignantly, and Lena let out a loud, beautifully unrestrained laugh that made Kara forget all about the insult. She waited patiently as Lena collected herself, wiping away tears.
“Okay, do you have any other reservations before we adhere to this entirely unorchestrated, completely spontaneous, time honored tradition?” The smirk on Lena’s mouth was driving her crazy, or maybe it was just thought of pressing her lips to her mouth that had her heart hammering away relentlessly.
“Uhhh…nope, no, I think we’ve, um, covered it all. Yeah. And I would very much like to, um, you know, commence with…I mean, oh my god.” Was she even speaking English? Kara berated herself for being so incoherent, then took a steadying breath before meeting Lena’s eyes—which were filled with mirth and amusement—and declaring with feigned confidence. “I would like to kiss you now. Please.”
Lena burst out laughing again. “Kara, I’ve been trying to kiss you for the last fifteen minutes. Of course you can.”
They both moved forward in tandem to close the distance, hands reaching out and pulling each other in, like magnets or perfectly fitted puzzle pieces clicking into place. Soft lips pressed to hers, and she felt warmth spread throughout her entire body, and she gasped in surprise. When her mouth opened slightly, Lena took advantage, sliding her tongue in and along Kara’s tongue and across her teeth, eliciting a soft moan from the super.
She was fairly certain this was what heaven felt like, and she was also pretty sure she could have kissed her like this forever. But Lena did not have super powers and she knew the other would eventually need to stop for air. Reluctantly, she pulled away slightly, breaking their kiss. Lena was breathless, but desperately leaned in for more, tongue sneaking back in and immediately exploring more of her with abandon.
They kissed until Kara felt Lena shivering under her touch, and she realized that while it was possible it was a result of being turned on, more than likely it had to do with the fact that they were still standing outside, the wintery mix still falling down and on them. Lena was now coated with the sparkling snow too, and while she looked beautiful, she also looked incredibly cold and was clearly starting to feel the effects, judging by her rosy complexion and how she continued to shiver, a little more violently.
Great, all her luck the woman she was madly in love with was going to die from hypothermia the very day after professing her love, just because she couldn’t stop making out with her in inclement weather.
Without warning, Kara hoisted Lena into a bridal carry and sped her inside, sliding the balcony door closed as she did so. She laid her down on the rug in front of the fire, zipped off to other sections of Lena’s home before returning seconds later with a bath towel and a warm blanket she’d found at the foot of Lena’s bed.
Lena’s teeth were chattering as Kara towel dried her hair. A deep blush crept onto her cheeks as she suggested Lena take off her wet clothes, and she looked away bashfully as Lena peeled the wet garments off, before wrapping herself in the blanket.
“Thanks, love.” Kara melted at Lena’s use of the endearing term. “You’re not even a little bit cold?”
Kara shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “Not even a little bit.”
A mischievous glint flickered in Lena’a eyes, and Kara’s breath caught in her throat at the sight. “Well, then I think you should probably get under here with me, to help warm me up.” Kara started to move forward by instinct, but was halted by Lena’s next words.
“Actually, I hear it works better if it’s skin to skin.” Lena smiled at her deviously, and Kara was quick to comply with the request, hastily stripping out of her wet clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor, only her underwear and bra remaining.
She stood for a moment, feeling on display and a little embarrassed, but when she looked up and saw the raw hunger in Lena’s eyes, suddenly that was all that she could focus on. She started to step forward again, but heard Lena make a ‘tsk’ sound before adding. “I mean, it looks like there’s still a way to increase the amount of skin to skin contact that could be occurring.” Apparently, Lena had been busy underneath the blanket because it was at this time she snaked an arm out of her blanket cocoon and dropped both her bra and panties on the floor next to her. Kara’s jaw dropped, and Lena laughed heartily at her again.
“Oh.” Kara fervently tore off her remaining undergarments, exposed but suddenly not even a little bit embarrassed. She glanced up at Lena, and saw a look that she couldn’t place, reminiscent of the look she’d gotten earlier at the party. And then she worked it out—love mixed with a healthy amount of reverence. Lena definitely loved her back, and the thought made Kara grin happily.
“Wow.” She saw Lena gulp, eyes drifting appreciatively up and down her body. “Merry Christmas to me.”
“I think you’re gonna have a very happy new year, too.” Kara winked, stepping closer and very eager to help warm Lena up.
“Yeah, I think so too.”