Work Text:
If you had told a young atsushi that his life would be like this, that he would have an apartment, he would have food or even his different clothes to wear. He honestly expected that he would die, he hoped he would die if he was being honest but he was glad that didn’t happen.
He often think things like that, he know its not good to think like that but he can’t help it, it not like he has someone to talk to. Even if the agency says that would listen to him, he feels as they are just saying that to be nice, it not like he wants to talk about it.
But with him saying that, he doesn’t know why he is talking about it, especially with him, he couldn’t help it, even if he couldn’t hear him, atsushi just started spilling everything and anything.
He just kept talking about the orphanage and how sometimes he felt that he would be better there, how it would be better for everyone if he went back, he knew he couldn’t go back, but he was just a thought. Then he started saying how he remembered something, even thinking about it choked him up. He didn’t know why he remembered or why at that time, at the time he died but he did.
He could remember it all, the way they looked at him, the way his parents looked at him, with those eyes, with that look. It wasn’t like he hadn't done this before, oh how he hated to think about it before but those times don’t compare to now. He could feel his mother holding him down, as his father with his bare hands took eyes out, he didn’t hesitate, Atsushi remembered how he cried out, the screams he let out and how his mother put something around his mouth. He could feel the rope around his arms and legs and the swish of a knife as it went through his knee and the sound of his screams.
He kept thinking of the swish of the knife and the sound of his bone but that wasn’t the worst part, no the worst part was while he was bleeding out with only his torso, and head, his legs and arms were gone, thankfully he didn’t remember that part. No, the worst part was hearing his parents, the people that were supposed to love him , just eat him, the way he could only hear them, nothing else.
How was he supposed to talk to anyone about that, they call him crazy, he would call himself crazy too, but why was he even talking about it to him, to akutagawa of all people. I guess atsushi felt better that he couldn’t hear him, I mean how could someone dead possibly hear him. He was supposed to hate him but he couldn’t not just because he saved his life but he fell in love because of who he was.
So here he was talking to a grave, someone who could not talk back because it was easier, oh akutagawa would be laughing at him, calling he weak, oh how he wish akutagawa would come back, even if it was to saying that, he would hear anything come out of his mouth just to hear his voice.
He was helpless, he knew but he could not help it. He couldn’t help talking to a grave. Just hoping that he would come back.