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"You never let me kiss you."
Akito coughs, almost choking on his pancake. It's good that Mafuyu's blunt with him (as opposed to totally lying all the time), but he wishes sometimes his boyfriend would be a little less blunt.
"Eh-? What do you mean by that? We kiss!"
He really likes when they kiss. He thought Mafuyu did, too, but...
"Yes, but you're always the one initiating. You don't let me initiate anything..."
Oh.
"Ah-" Akito's eyes dart around the room as he tries to buy time to think "-well, I mean-"
"Do you not want me to kiss you?"
"No! That's not it at all! I... it's just..."
He puts his fork down, puts his head in his hands, and groans.
"It's not you" comes out as a grumble from Akito's mouth.
As he brings up his head from the table, Mafuyu's face greets him. The usual indifference is replaced by something more...upset.
"...okay. Let me know when you figure out what it is. I have to go now, see you."
Mafuyu then exits the cafe to go to school, and Akito finally has time to fully process what the hell just happened.
Him and Mafuyu have been dating for the last few months. They've been taking it slow, each with their own commitments and life issues, but they still find time to meet, and whenever they do, Akito treasures it. The spark, the warmth, and the love...y-dovey atmosphere that came with his time with Mafuyu, like his music and Vivid BAD SQUAD, were things he wanted to keep close to him for as long as he possibly could.
But that meant he'd have to let himself be kissed.
And the thing is, he does want it. He does want Mafuyu to kiss him. And he'd let him, but there's something about the idea that Akito finds disgusting.
But Mafuyu isn't disgusting! He's... he's Mafuyu. Mafuyu probably wouldn't understand if Akito told him that, but Mafuyu is someone that's become important to Akito, regardless of who he is or isn't. And he really, really, really likes Mafuyu.
Akito furrows his brow in frustration. Mafuyu's face returns to his mind - that expression he'd made. Akito thought he'd never seen it before. But now, thinking again, he may be mistaken.
And...and thinking some more about it, this might not actually be the first time this has happened. Where Akito misinterpreted an attempt at an advance by Mafuyu.
There was the park last week, where Mafuyu stared at him for a bit longer than he'd thought necessary, and he'd asked what was wrong, but Mafuyu had dismissed it and gone away. He had that face then.
Then there was in the diner the other day, with Touya, Mizuki, Ena and the others. Mafuyu had tugged on his sleeve while no one else was looking, and looked from his eyes to his lips. Akito hadn't thought anything of it then. He'd just asked if there was anything on his face, but Mafuyu said no and moved back. And he'd had that face then, too.
Shit. Akito was being a terrible boyfriend.
Why the hell was the thought of being kissed so terrible to him anyways? Akito sighs.
...well, he's gotta go there for practice anyway. And the VS are supposed to help him out with stuff like this, right? The people made from his (and others') emotions ought to be better than him at deciphering them.
After laying down money for the bill and leaving the cafe, he finds a good spot away from the general public and hits play on Ready Steady.
.
"So you think your boyfriend wants to kiss you, and you want it too, but you're being weird about it?"
Everyone in Akito's life is always ridiculously straightforward with him, it seems, and KAITO (while an idiot) is no different. His words, so carelessly delivered, deal intense psychic damage.
"-!! Well, yeah, but when you put it like that-!"
MEIKO laughs softly, handing him some sweet tea.
"Breathe easy there, Akito, it'll be okay. Now, surely there's a reason why you're being weird about it, in your words, isn't there?"
There is. He feels like he's almost there, finger on the pulse, growing ever closer to the heart...but again, something's stopping him from figuring it out completely.
"I mean, yeah. It's just...I dunno, I'm still kinda new to this whole romance thing."
"How has it been going so far?" KAITO says before sticking a spoonful of sorbet into his mouth.
Akito thinks.
"Good, I guess. I mean, my boyfriend's not your average person, or anything, and I think I've done alright so far, considering that."
"What do you mean?" KAITO hasn't said any non-questions yet. MEIKO has said less. Akito's a little nervous, but answers.
"Okay, so like...without getting too much into it, right?"
"Right."
"Without getting too much into it, he's...he has trouble opening up to people. He's passionate about the things he does, and he's straightforward when he talks. I'm thankful he opened up to me, and I'm glad he's my boyfriend, but I just...when he said that, and when he asked me that question, I just couldn't say what I wanted to, and..."
He pauses. There's that feeling again, he's found a pulse, he just has to cling to it...
"...and he's already opened up to me."
Mafuyus soft smile, the real one, plays back through his head, like a movie reel.
"He's opened up to me, and he's willing to show me these parts of himself he doesn't show other people, and it's, it's..."
"Is the problem that you're having trouble opening up yourself, Akito?"
For the second time in ten minutes, KAITO completely KOs Akito. He has to process this for another three.
"I..."
That has to be it. Of course. Something so obvious and pathetic that he can't even admit it to himself, even with everything else he thinks about himself that's less than savoury.
"...shit," he breathes.
"Bullseye!"
"Oi-"
"Think of your relationship like those pancakes from before-" oh, God, and here he goes "-, except it's like, a totally different recipe that you've never made before, okay? You each bring something different to the mix, something equally important that only you have. And it's going well so far, but now the recipe calls for something you've got...and you're nervous about messing up the final result, and you can't add it just yet."
He's getting a bit too on the nose with these things.
"...okay. And your point?"
KAITO smiles softly. "I know it's hard, especially for you. But just take a breath and relax, okay? You're still young. Let yourself think that it's gonna be okay."
Akito blinks at him.
"That...may be the smartest thing I've ever heard you say, KAITO."
"Why, tha- Hey!! Give me some credit!"
Akito thanks the two singers for their expertise, and leaves the café quickly to the sound of laughter.
He has an idea.
.
"I'm surprised you asked me to meet you at PXL."
"Ahh, yeah, this is pretty last minute. Sorry." Akito scratches the back of his neck. "But don't worry, I won't waste your time."
So he hopes, anyway.
Akito waits until Mafuyu has walked enough to stand at his side, and he gently takes the other's hand. Mafuyu flinches subtly at the contact, so Akito goes to retract his hand - but before he can, Mafuyu links their fingers together.
His heart flutters in his chest. Honestly, this is some anime bullshit.
"So how was your day?"
It's nearing closer to the sunset hours. He'd texted Mafuyu shortly before this to ask if he was free to go to PXL, and the other had replied that, by some miracle, he was. There weren't many other people here today - another miraculous happenstance which Akito would not soon forget to be thankful for.
"It was...average, I guess. Nothing outstanding happened at school." Mafuyu chews on his lip, turning his head to face Akito. "What about you?"
Akito groans. "Total opposite. There were like, three explosions, and that's just what I counted. I've heard rumors of more."
"Oh. ...That sounds like quite the headache."
"Trust me, it is. After a while, I've just learned to fall asleep to it so I don't get woken up by it." Akito looks down at the ground as he speaks, and is sure to keep his hold on their hands.
"You shouldn't fall asleep in class so much." He can't see Mafuyu's face, but he imagines it's one of disappointment.
Disappointment...
Akito meets Mafuyu's eyes. "Hey, let's go on the Ferris Wheel."
The other blinks in surprise, eyes widened slightly. "Are you sure? The line may be long, and-"
"If we get there soon, it shouldn't be that long. And besides," Akito grins, "I've heard you're a fast runner. Wanna race?"
Mafuyu blinks some more, and Akito watches as his lips curl up into a sort of gentle grin.
"...You're on, then."
And off they go, running towards the Ferris Wheel, weaving through crowds and stalls with their hands still joined. Mafuyu manages to keep pace with Akito, which surprises him enough that it allows Mafuyu a chance to surpass him, and before he processes anything else, they've arrived at their destination.
Surprisingly, they're the only ones there.
(He thought he saw a flash of familiar pink hair near the operator's booth, but paid it no mind.)
"Huh." Akito raises an eyebrow. "I'd thought this would be more popular right now, given it's closer to the nighttime..."
Mafuyu looks at Akito, confused. "What makes going on the Ferris Wheel at night any different than in the daytime?"
Akito grins again, but it's softer than the determined grin he'd sported a few minutes previous.
"Come on, you'll see."
He gently guides Mafuyu into the pod, and sits next to him as the ride lifts them into the sky.
A few moments pass in silence. Akito takes it in; the sunset, the noise from down below growing softer as they went further up, and the feeling of his boyfriend's hand in his own.
He turns to look at Mafuyu, just to see how he's doing, and ends up bumping heads with him. They both squeak and recoil, grumbling.
"Oof..."
"...sorry about that." Mafuyu is holding his forehead in his hand. He looks genuinely embarrassed, and it makes Akito's chest hurt.
"Hey, not your fault. You, uh..."
Now or never.
"...Mafuyu, you were trying to kiss me then, right?"
Mafuyu's head shoots up to face him.
"You-"
"And you tried to kiss me back at the diner that day, and the park even before that." Akito looks down at his feet. "I- I should've noticed before you said something. I'm sorry."
Mafuyu is silent for a beat. Two beats. And then, "no, you...don't need to be. It's my fault, I shouldn't have been so selfish-"
"-you're not selfish for wanting to kiss me." Akito's eyebrows furrow together as he brings his head up, still not facing Mafuyu. "I'm telling you, I had my head up my ass about it-"
"-but I really don't think-"
"-please, Mafuyu, let me explai-"
The machine halts to a stop.
"...huh?"
Akito feels his palms grow sweaty. He's not scared of heights like Touya is, or anything, but he sure doesn't enjoy the thought of being trapped at great heights for any period of time. He turns to Mafuyu, searching for some kind of answer in his expression, but finds that he's looking down and out the window.
"Wh-"
"Ootori-san. She's down by the controls...she just waved at me."
Stupefied, he watches Mafuyu wave solemnly back at the little perpetrator with eyes widened by shock and his mouth hanging open. Mafuyu then turns once again, to face him.
"I'm guessing she saw us get on, and coordinated this to happen when we got to the top. It wouldn't be the craziest of her antics."
Akito can only manage a strangled "we're at...the top?"
Mafuyu nods. "Do you not like heights?"
Akito blinks. "Uh- no, it's- I don't-"
This is too perfect timing!
Giving up, he sighs, and rests his head on his free hand.
This brings his attention back to the fact that his and Mafuyu's hands are still conjoined. Mustering up some courage in this terrifying time, he squeezes it.
"...I guess this is just fate, eh?"
Mafuyu tilts his head, like a confused bird. "What do you mean?"
Akito laugh-sighs through his nose as he brings up his head to face Mafuyu properly, smiling with a hint of resignation to it.
"I wanted to talk to you properly. About why I've been weird about you kissing me- and before you butt in, it really isn't you."
Mafuyu had been about to introject, but backs down at Akito's words. "Alright, go on."
Here comes the hard part. Bearing in mind what KAITO had said about recipes, he clears his throat and takes a breath.
"You've...I realized, after we talked, that I've still got a lot to learn. About relationships, about you, about myself...but I can't learn any of that unless I try opening up. And- and you've opened up to me."
He meets Mafuyu's eyes directly, and takes one of his hands in both of his own. "You're comfortable enough around me that you can be yourself, and I'm really glad to be someone you can trust like that. I wanna keep being someone you can trust like that. That means I gotta catch up to you, match your efforts and open myself up to you. I gotta...be vulnerable. It's..."
Akito breaks the eye contact, heart unable to take any more, and bites his lip before he continues. "... it's not easy. It's really, really hard, actually. I struggle bein' open and vulnerable even with the rest of VBS, even with my own family for fucks' sake. But..."
Mafuyu is looking at him with something unreadable in his eyes, he realizes as he glances up. Akito hopes that it's something like what he's feeling in his chest, pounding against his ribcage as he keeps talking.
"...but I wanna try. For everyone, for me, and for you. That's all."
There's some more silence. Akito briefly worries if he's gone and fucked everything up, but then he feels Mafuyu's hand on his cheek, as gentle as ever, and relief washes over him as he leans into the touch.
"Akito."
"Mafuyu." He doesn't realize his eyes are closed until he opens them to look into Mafuyu's. Akito had never expected such a feeling of serenity to find him in this Ferris Wheel caddy near the top of the ride, but things works in funny ways, sometimes.
"Can I kiss you?" Mafuyu's eyes are fixed on his, and his blood feels electric.
"Absolutely."
Mafuyu tilts his face and moves forward, and when their lips meet Akito swears he hears fireworks going off. He wishes he could record his pulse right now to sample and use in the next song he writes, a song he wants Mafuyu to hear.
He wants Mafuyu to hear every song he sings, and to keep the music close to his heart, for safekeeping.
Akito's hand reaches up to hold the one of Mafuyu's that lies on his cheek. He could stay like this forever and not complain.
The Ferris Wheel has other ideas, however.
It kicks into motion again, and the shock jolts both of them enough to break the kiss. Akito feels himself start snickering, and Mafuyu soon (though much more quiet and reserved) follows suit.
They exit the park several moments later, hands entwined. They kiss each other goodbye, and everything feels a lot more bright.
Like the future.