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Looking down at his lap, he realises with terror what he’s done. The blood stains his school pants and as he tries to take a deep breath it hurts. He must have been crying, because his face is wet and his nose is running. He doesn’t clearly remember what he did, but he is aware now of how bad it was. How bad it is .
“Oh god..” He hears a voice say. His head whips towards the door, realising he hadn’t locked it. Shu stands there, a hand covering his mouth and fear in his eyes. Knowing that he had seen what he had done to himself makes Natsume start to cry again. He doesn’t want anyone to see him like this, especially not Shu.
“Shu..” He says through sobs, his eyes scrunched shut tightly and his blood covering the ground. He feels sick, knowing that Shu thinks he couldn’t talk to him, or anyone else. That there was nowhere else to go and no other way to express his feelings. But more than that, he feels guilty for ruining the floor. For dirtying it with his putrid blood.
“Natsume… What did you do…” Natsume can hear Shu whisper from the doorway. He can feel his eyes looking at him, burning holes into his skin and he can’t look at him. If he looked at Shu again, he wouldn’t be able to continue on his destined path. The path the gods had placed for him since before he was born.
He wouldn’t be able to die.
“What’s wrong, Oshi-” Natsume can hear Mika saying, before he very obviously stops in the doorway and looks at his disgusting form on the floor. Mika makes a noise of worry and falls to the ground. He can hear his whimpers as he starts to cry, and Natsume feels so upset with himself for causing worry and mess for the two.
He feels the tears dripping down his face but can’t move an inch out of fear. Fear of making more of a mess, fear of ruining his clothes further; the fear of having to face Shu and Mika, and the fear of facing what he’s done. Natsume knows it’s selfish to refuse to do a thing right now. He’s scared of rejection now that he’s ruined what little trust they had laid in him.
He hears slow movement, the sound of dress shoes against tiles. Looking up ever so slightly, he sees Shu’s feet right near his own. Shu starts to kneel, uncharacteristically seeming not to care about his clothing getting covered in blood. He reaches forward carefully, gently holding Natsume’s wrist in his hand, turning it so he can see the damage done.
“Kagehira,” Shu says quietly, but loud enough for the other to hear. Mika stops his crying for a moment, looking at Shu. “can you please get the first aid kit?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, slowly lowering Natsume’s left arm to inspect his right. Mika quickly gets himself up off of the floor, getting the first aid kit for Shu. He lowers it down on the edge of the bathtub Natsume is leaning against and moves backwards so as to not be in the way. Shu reaches towards it, muttering a “Thank you.” before getting to work patching Natsume up.
Natsume watches Shu brainlessly, tears continuing to flow but no energy to fight anything happening.