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It had been years since you last faced your old captain and crew.
At times, when you were enjoying a celebratory dinner with your new crew surrounded by them talking, joking, or merely laughing at the shenanigans of some of them, you could almost think it was always like this. You, being happy with your friends, your crew heading toward a new adventure knowing they had your back and you had theirs.
During those moments, it almost felt like everything you had been through with your old captain and crew was just a bad dream. All the backstabbing, the ratting out, and insults disguised as compliments or with the pretense of being jokes. The physical alterations and everything less than perfection for a madman, your old captain, who was never satisfied resulted in starvation, yelling, and pain. All of it felt like a bad dream, you only vaguely remembered in the morning. The feeling remained in the back of your mind, but actual actions were lost or softened like a faded wanted poster.
However, sometimes, like tonight, those all but faded bad dreams turned into a very haunting and terrifying nightmare. One that remained long after you sat up startled on your bed desperately trying to keep your cries inside your mouth as to not wake up Nami who was calmly sleeping in a bed next to yours.
The Going Merry was a good ship, but it lacked the space for everyone to have a personal cabin. Usually, you didn’t mind. At your old ship, with your old crew, you used to hide in the cargo storage sleeping hidden on your own. You didn’t trust your old crewmates when you were asleep.
You remained sitting on the bed for several moments listening to the blood rushing in your ears, your rapidly beating heart, and Nami’s soft snoring.
Carefully, you laid back down and attempted to fall asleep, but you were covered in sweat and felt far too awake and hot.
A shower would have been better, but with no other option, you merely put on your shoes and quietly as a thief walked out of the room with a small candle to guide your way.
It was still dark, but you could tell it was closer to morning now.
You walked toward the side of the ship and sat down on one of the crates you set there for Sanji in the morning.
Even up there on the deck knowing you were with your Straw Hat Pirates and not your old crew or captain, you still felt uncomfortable and sweaty falling into your bad nervous habit too stressed out to try and stop it.
Your thoughts were a mess, and it felt like hours before you finally started to somewhat calm down or at least come to terms with where and who you were with.
I’m safe here-
‘Here,’ you heard right before you felt the weight of something falling over your shoulders.
Startled and skittish you turned to look up at the person standing above you in a bluish shirt and dark pants missing only the matching formal suit jacket because it was now covering your own body.
‘S-sanji, you’re awake,’ you said mentally wincing at how surprised you sounded stating the obvious.
The blond man smirked at you in that charming and easygoing way that made your heart skip a beat all too easily these days and your ears filled with the familiar static that seemed to follow every encounter you two shared on your own.
At the moment, on the deck, in the early hours of the morning, with the sea and sky still dark and haunting, you were just that. Very much alone.
‘Wouldn’t want you to catch a cold, darling,’ explained Sanji something sparkling behind his grey-blue eyes even if the only light was coming from the single candle, you lightened when you came on the deck to keep you company.
Your chest had no business warming up at the endearing name he used, even if it did so anyway, ‘Nights out in the open sea can be cruel.’
You knew that. A while ago, when you weren’t certain of his character and intentions, when you thought him to be the cruel one, mocking you with his charm and compliments, that you knew you didn’t deserve, you would have thought: trust me, I know better than you, how unforgiving can the sea get.
However, over the past few weeks, you learned a bit more about the man. You knew Sanji better now or at least enough to know he wasn’t cruel. Not intentionally. Not the way you assumed at first when he smirked at you so sweetly and called you beautiful or precious with a spark behind his grey-blue eyes.
He was a flirt, but still a gentleman which was the reason why even weeks into your journey, he humored your anxious and insecure ordinary self with his charm and warmth if only so you wouldn’t be left out when he did so for the other, beautiful, women you met so far.
Suddenly you felt very cold again.
Your hands reached to touch the fabric of his jacket ready to pull it down and return to him though, ‘Sanji, thank you so much, but you don’t have to-’
His hands covered yours in an instant stopping your attempts.
‘I don’t want to hear another protest from you, sweetheart. You’re keeping it,’ he said calmly, but you sensed there wasn’t really any point in arguing with him this time. He might have had a soft spot for women, but he could be stubborn too when he deemed their safety or wellbeing was at risk.
You almost slipped back into your nervous habit, but you caught yourself in the last moment and nodded, ‘Thank you, Sanji.’
When he sat down on a spare crate next to you, he let out a small sigh.
It sounded tired not sleepy, but properly exhausted which you considered fair since he always woke up early to prepare breakfast and finished late if the crew’s celebrations ran into late night.
Then he looked over at you, and his handsome face showed nothing but adoration. Something he always seemed to have around you. It was frustrating really. Frustrating, weird, but a little bit lovely.
It was frustrating because you knew how you looked and how little were men interested in you, so to have him constantly praise and compliment you left you feeling exposed to humiliation from others who might think you were demanding his attention and behavior. You would rather avoid such an embarrassment thank you very much.
It was weird because even if he was just being a gentleman why would he bother to shower you with so much affection and kindness? Surely, he would have a better shot at the barkeep, the flower girl, the mayor’s daughter, and every other beautiful woman you met in the past few days if he just focused his advances their way.
To be honest, you couldn’t really understand why was it that none of those women seemed all that interested in the Straw Hat Pirates’ chef. Everyone with eyes could see just how handsome he was. At times, you still found it hard to look directly at him when he was being so sweet to you. You were pathetically bad with dealing with attention, even worse when the attention was coming from people who looked so attractive.
Lastly, despite how embarrassed his attention still made you feel, you found it lovely because despite your insecurities it still felt good to be included. It still felt good to have his attention and company. It still felt good to be considered and not just ignored. It still felt good to be complimented.
You knew he didn’t really reserve it for you. You were hardly the beauty he painted you out to be in your own eyes. You weren’t an idiot or someone naïve to be fooled into thinking he might actually like you in any way other than a crewmate and friend. But it was nice that even so, he spared some of his charm on you too.
For a while, no words were shared, and the two of you remained sitting on the crates lost in your own thoughts. Still, the company was welcomed. Even if you didn’t want to bother anyone, your soul felt too heavy to be alone tonight.
‘Couldn’t sleep?’ he asked casually. You noticed his accent was the thickest whenever he was upset or tired. Given that there was no Zoro around, and it was early morning, you assumed the latter.
You let go of the jacket and buried your arms inside shivering as if only now your hot-and-sweaty-from-the-nightmare-that-forced-you-out-here body realized it was cold.
‘Yeah, I ate too much,’ you said and tossed him a look and a small smile.
He chuckled, the corners of his eyes wrinkling with impossible-to-missue amusement. Seeing him like this and knowing you were the cause of it, should in no way, shape, or form make you feel as happy as it did or brush some of your anxiety and gloomy thoughts away. But it did both.
‘Impossible,’ he said and started to pat down his clothing searching for something while looking away, ‘I have yet to find a dish that would force you to ask for seconds at least.’
Your smile widened at the light way you two could speak now. At moments like this, you could hate yourself less. You didn’t want to be a nervous wreck around him. You didn’t want him to think anything bad about you. You would survive not being the prettiest, smartest, or funniest person, you just wished to be ordinary and able to talk like anyone else with others. With Sanji.
‘That’s not it. I…,’ you tried to think how to explain it without sounding weak or like you were asking for pity or playing some sort of victim. You always feared others might accuse you of those things, ‘I-I just don’t want to be greedy.’
You glanced away and then back at the blond offering him another soft smile, ‘All your food is delicious, Sanji. You have to know that. I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise.’ You would hate yourself even more if you offended him or his passion, cooking, in any way. You already hated yourself enough without that too.
He was still smirking when he reached toward you, and for a moment you allowed a wild thought to exist in the safety of your mind. A thought of him leaning toward your face.
However, just as quickly as the thought appeared, you pushed it back since you realized he only meant to reach into the pocket of his jacket to snatch his cigarettes and lighter.
‘You, and greedy?’ asked Sanji still amused putting the cigarette between his lips which made his next word sound a bit funny, ‘Never.’
However, when his right hand then came to lighten the cigarette up while his left one was used as a barrier to protect the small flame from the cold early morning wind there was no amusement left in him.
He looked nothing but serious when he did that and despite how often your chest warmed up at his charm and softness, his seriousness always caused a shiver to run over your body. One that had little to do with the cold.
Your eyes watched the whole process mesmerized. Everything he did with his hands was worthy of your attention.
Dealing with the inventory, you found yourself in the kitchen more often than not, and not solely because of the blond cook, but every time, you did, you stole a moment of your own time to watch him work. There was something alluring and calming to see him move so confidently and skillfully over the ingredients.
You watched the muscles on his face move as he inhaled the smoke into his mouth.
He made a point of turning away from you before he blew the smoke out which was the reason why when he turned back, you weren’t fast enough to look away and hide your interest.
His eyes landed on yours and although he seemed nothing but pleased as he offered you another easygoing and charming smirk, you turned back to the open sea and put a hand over the side of your face in embarrassment.
‘I-I’ll…I..uh…like everything you make,’ you cursed yourself for sounding so pathetic and uncertain because the truth was you loved everything he had made for you so far. You really did. A part of you wished Sanji could just read you like a book and see all your emotions and feelings you couldn’t put to words, yet another part feared nothing more in the four seas than that.
You could tell he was smirking when he spoke even without looking at him, ‘That’s sweet, darling. Truly.’
You wanted to groan at how his words made you feel like a little humiliated child.
‘But,’ his accent got thicker and smoother somehow as he carried on, ‘don’t even for a second think, I’ll be satisfied with you liking everything. You see,’ he paused surely taking another drag, even if your insecure self was still too self-conscious to look, ‘I won’t stop until you’re hopelessly in love.’
You let out a small gasp before you could stop yourself and almost immediately felt your nervous habit taking over, ‘U-uh, I…,’ you hated how pathetic you sounded as you tried to calm down and reason with yourself that he was just being Sanji and there was nothing in his words to make you feel like this was some sort of confession. You knew better than that.
You cleared your throat hoping you would sound more in control than you felt when you said, ‘I’m sorry, I just don’t really have a favorite food. I like,’ you mentally winced at using that word again feeling your heart beating as fast as it could like it wanted to escape, but that was just impossible, a lot of different….meals. The wasn’t a chance to be picky when I was with my old crew,’ you shook your head refusing the thing about that now, ‘I just like a lot of different meals. Equally.’
‘Untruth, darling,’ he chuckled, and you felt him shift closer to you.
‘S-Sanji?’ you asked without saying anything else and shot your eyes toward him to see what was going on.
When his arm snuck over your shoulders, your heart stopped.
You were too stunned to do anything but let Sanji pull you and the crate you were sitting on even closer to his side until you could feel to some extent his body through the fabric of his jacket and your own clothes.
Too close
It felt surreal, but just like that, you found yourself face to face with the blond man and his charming smirk all the while feeling the warmth and firmness of his body. You were certain, you wouldn’t be able to survive this for long.
Too damn close
‘Everyone has a favorite, sweetheart,’ he said, and you swallowed feeling heat creeping under your clothes as well as into your face, ‘You might not know what it is, but we’ll find it.’
He put the cigarette between his lips and reached out making you stop your nervous habit. You knew he didn’t like you hurting yourself.
He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and turned away to blow the smoke away from you again.
When he turned back, Sanji’s eyes carried warmth and gentleness as he spoke unlike any other you were ever honored with, and you felt like crying or laughing or hiding all at the same time.
‘And if it’s something that cannot be found. I’ll just make you something new no one ever had for you to love,’ he said with all the carefreeness of the world and yet sounded so honest you believed him. You were certain you were going to melt all over his arms and jacket at any point with everything he said so far.
‘Deal?’ with a hint of amusement in his voice.
You found yourself nodding even before you could stop yourself simply hypnotized by the way he was looking at you. It was so confusing how he could do that when all so often you couldn’t bear to meet his gaze because of how endearing it seemed.
‘Y-you’re too kind to me,’ you said and immediately found the strength to look down as if ashamed of the said kindness and attention he gave you. You were, but you were also secretly happy about it.
His hold tightened causing you to move even closer against him until your head rested against his chest.
Your internal panic level rose some more and then hit an all-time high when you felt his chin on the top of your head. Still, for the love of all the sea gods, you couldn’t move.
He sighed with a short humorless chuckle at the end, ‘Beloved.’
You were certain you died and went to heaven either from the heat, a heart attack, or pure embarrassment when you heard him address you in such a way, ‘I know you won’t confined in me just yet, and I despise with burning hatred everything I imagine on my own that you had gone through to make you feel this way about yourself,’ his accent was the thickest you had ever heard with how obviously upset he was almost making you shiver, ‘But I assure I’m not being too kind. Honestly, you deserve far more than that.’
You felt your eyes sting and a painful lump appeared inside your throat signaling the tears that started to fall down your cheeks a moment later.
Pathetic, you thought hating that you were crying now and because of Sanji saying something so nice to you. You know later you would find his words charming and neatly tucked them away into a hidden spot inside your heart forever, but at the moment, you just felt humiliated over your reaction that you couldn’t control.
You attempted to lift your hand and brush the tears away, but some still fell across his clothing, ‘I’m so s-sorry, I-sorry, I’m making a mess.’
Sanji maintained his firm hold on you, and although you didn’t doubt that if you really wanted to leave, he would let you, you didn’t try to.
‘No, you’re not and you shouldn’t apologize,’ he said, and a weak sob escaped your mouth, ‘Yes, I am. Your clothes-’
‘Will be even more comfortable with your scent on them,’ he said, and you couldn’t help but chuckle humorlessly at his words, ‘Don’t say that!’
You felt his left hand brush your arm and the other stroke through your hair. You didn’t notice when did he put out his cigarette, ‘Alright, but it’s true.’
You felt yourself settling a little bit and closed your eyes, ‘I’m sorry…You’re very sweet, and I’m being…’
Me
You didn’t say that though. You were sure if you did the blond would do everything in his power to make take your words back, and you didn’t want him to know how deep your loathing went.
When you didn’t say anything for a while, the man stroked your hair some more and said, ‘I cannot accept your apology, madam. You did absolutely nothing that would require one.’
You let out a small involuntary sigh.
Time carried on.
You knew it would be morning soon, and both of you would need to get to your duties. But even so, it was very nice to remain there in his arms and against his chest like that.
He occasionally stroked your hair again, but you didn’t speak anymore. It was still nice. Peaceful even. Almost enough for you to doze off even if you knew you couldn’t. Not really. Not on Sanji with everyone waking up soon. You might not have died from humiliation just yet, but you were sure, you couldn’t be sure, you wouldn’t one day.
It seemed there wasn’t anything else you could do but remain there against the chef’s chest listening to his rapidly beating heart.
Your eyes closed listening to the hurried sound that seemed to equal your own from a moment ago.
Wait…why is it beating so fast?!
Your eyes opened wide.
Koniec