Chapter Text
It had been so subtle that Sand didn't notice it. His entire life. He had spent his entire life till date taking care of people. Being there for the ones in his life. For his mother, his friends, heck, even strangers. Every day, every minute, every second. Them before me. That'd been his motto. He was strong, he was independent, and he needed to help out the others. But who was there for him? People remembered him when they needed someone for something. Getting out of a mess or getting over a heartbreak. That was probably the only time Sand's contact was pulled up on any phone.
He had deluded himself for ages. Forced himself to believe that he was actually loved and cared for… that he was really desired by people. He knew the truth though. Deep down, he had always known the truth. Which is why he wanted just one person who would love him for who he was. Who would remember Sand not when there was no one else… but every time. Even when they were happy.
He once thought he had found someone like that. Dan. They'd met on the bus of all places. Sand had been too tired after playing at a distant bar and had promptly fallen asleep on the shoulder of the person sitting next to him. Who just so happened to be Dan. He had been woken up by Dan gently tapping his face. Turns out they had reached the last stop and Dan hadn't wanted to wake him up. "You just looked so peaceful", Dan had told him later on. A stranger missing his bus stop just to let Sand sleep - anyone would have fallen in love with such a kind soul.
They had exchanged numbers then and just the next weekend, Dan had asked him out on a date. Dan was studying medicine at another university and honestly felt like the best person Sand had ever met. They'd dated for close to two years and Sand had never been happier. He used to live on cloud nine those days. He couldn't believe that life could actually be so generous to him. He should have been scared right from the beginning. He had gone to Dan's house one night to surprise him. The door, however, had been opened by a shirtless guy whom Sand did not know. He would have believed any explanation provided to him had Dan not emerged from the room inside with a half-unbuttoned shirt and bright hickey marks on his neck.
Dan had not even tried to contact Sand after that day. Not once. And neither did Sand. What could he have done if the guy he loved did not consider him worth an apology or an explanation? Wasn't it always that way? He had spent a week mostly on his bed, eating icecream and take-out occasionally, not showering, not attending classes, not talking to his friends. Then one fine day his mother had called him up regarding some debt collectors troubling her and he had to get going. That is when he realized that he probably could never afford to spend away his days like most people. And he shouldn't either. Life was too short and Sand needed to grab it by its slippery lapels and make his short stay on Earth worthwhile.
So, Sand had decided to stand on his feet. He developed a routine and picked up odd jobs at all hours. He needed to save money. There was no one who was going to help him. And it wasn't in Sand's nature to refuse a plea from anyone - be it his mother or his friends. So, he decided to make himself so capable that nothing would ever break him. That he would always be able to give without expecting anything in return.
Every human being needs someone to rely on. Sand would be the person no one was for him. He did not hold grudges for very long. It wasn't practical to hold onto grudges. He had once seen the guy Dan had cheated on him with walking in his own university. He'd soon found out that his name was Top. Sand did hate him. Top had once bumped into him at the cafeteria and taunted him about losing Dan to him. Yet, Sand ignored him after a mild back-and-forth comments exchange. It just hadn't been worth his time. So, post that day's altercation, he had completely ignored Top whenever they crossed paths, even if Top had tried to start shit.
Dan had once been his entire life. Now, just like most people in Sand's life, he was just another person he used to know. Another person who used him as a placeholder only to replace him the moment someone better came along. Sand had to live his life. There was absolutely no point in dwelling on the past. He needed to make a career and live his dreams. And God forbid if he let anyone stop him.