Chapter Text
The sun was barely up in the sky when Naruto stepped out of his small apartment. It was one amongst hundreds wedged in the narrow spaces of the shinobi district. Unlike most of his fellow residents who found it jarring to adjust to such minimalistic living conditions that their chunin wages allowed, Naruto was used to it all. Since the very beginning, as far as he could remember, he had very little to his name and that hadn’t changed over the years.
If anything, he thought, things had gotten slightly better. He had clean running water for all hours of the day and the electricity was regular with just the rare blackout. His neighbours were better, too, if not a little distant. But that was par for the course for most of the villagers when it came to their treatment of him. He had long since stopped taking it as a personal insult and just seen it as yet another challenge life had decided to test him with.
Naruto ran down the stairs and started his day with a brisk walk to the missions’ desk. On his way there, he kept his head down, his eyes scanning the figures walking alongside him and up on the rooftops. Most of them were chunin like him – jounin didn’t have to visit the admin offices usually since they received their missions through special summons and the genin didn’t start their day for yet another hour or two. Still, there were enough jounin with their spiral-crested sleeves and dark green vests to make Naruto conscious about his chunin garbs.
He hurried his pace, refusing to dwell on the age-old regrets yet again.
The missions’ desk was a crowded affair as usual. Naruto bee-lined away from the entrance and the steady queue building to the desks. While he was eager to get his hands on a couple jobs, he preferred to let the early bustle die down a bit before he jumped in. Being jostled between bodies wasn’t the most fun.
“Good morning, Kazu-san,” he greeted the staffer who was watching the enthusiastic throng with a baleful look.
Kazu hefted up a cardboard box full of scrolls and papers, nodding at Naruto. “Not a very good morning, is it now? So much noise from these brats and the day’s just begun.”
“They just have too much energy after a full night’s sleep,” Naruto smiled, used to the grey-haired man’s complaints and grumbles. He picked up another box from the floor, “I’ll help. Lead the way.”
Kazu spared him only a look before turning and scaling the stairs to the storeroom above. They made three rounds together and as Naruto slid the last box into its assigned place on the shelf, Kazu kicked him on the shin.
“You’re slower than usual,” Kazu said with narrowed eyes and his elbows crossed. “Did you not sleep again?”
Naruto winced at the light pain and turned away from the man, his fingers finding his disheleved hair. “What’s with you? Are you worried about me, old man?” he ran two fingers across a shelf surface and showed Kazu the smear of dirt on them. “You need to ask the other guys to clean this up. The dust is too thick.”
Kazu eyed him for a moment, his lips curled down. “I will,” he said at last and Naruto heaved a silent sigh. If Kazu had pushed the matter, he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to divulge the truth. “Come on, kid. You need to get in line now.”
Naruto nodded and they made their way downstairs.
At the missions’ desk, the woman on duty shook her head at him. “You don’t give up, do you?”
Naruto shrugged, “Why should I?”
He was sure he’d known the woman once, maybe an acquaintance from one of his missions years ago. But whenever he bumped into her in the last two four years, she never failed to express her disdain for him. He wished she’d make it a little original or entertaining but it was the same old haughty sniff and judgemental glare.
“Take your pick, then,” she gestured towards the tray of scrolls. “A whole lot of grubbing work handpicked just for you.”
Naruto blindly took three scrolls, unconcerned by the kind of chores he’d be stuck with for the day. He’d done pretty much every menial task imaginable to mankind in the name of D-ranks by now. He doubted anything could faze him anymore.
“Thank you,” he said, giving the woman a little bow before turning away with a roll of his eyes. Cordiality and politeness always got on the nerves of people like her – people who so sorely lacked those qualities in their ownselves.
He ducked out of the exit. The morning sunshine was more intense now and he trudged towards his first destination – an assisting job for a local blacksmith. The stocky man, Namu, who had enlisted his help was gruff but kind – Naruto could tell by his eyes which did not change when they fell upon him.
“Fifty kunai?” Naruto asked with his sleeves rolled up as he stared at the chunks of iron.
“Yes,” Namu said, preparing his work table. “Why? You aren’t up for the task, lad? Will I have to send in another exchange request?”
Naruto shook his head, grinning. “No. I’m surprised it’s just fifty.”
Namu quirked a brow at him, “That’s some big talk. Then again, you shinobi are always of the sort to underestimate the hardwork of a civilian occupation. Get to it, then. You only have three hours.”
When the time was up, Naruto placed the two completely filled metal baskets on Namu’s table. “That’s your fifty kunai all done. And some extra with the leftover iron.”
Namu assessed the sharpness of the weapons with a keen eye before giving Naruto an appreciative look. “These are welll-made, boy. Where did you learn the craft so well?”
“Nowhere in particular,” Naruto pocketed his hands. “Let’s just say this isn’t my first time carving kunai.”
Namu hummed and stamped the mission scroll before handing him the pay. “I’ll keep you in mind the next time I need some help.”
Naruto left the smithy with soot-blackened hands and a small smile. It was approaching noon and soon he’d have to arrange for lunch. He glanced at the next address and decided to eat in that vicinity.
As he walked towards the nearby district, he saw a figure approaching him within the milling crowd. Stiffening, he took a sharp left turn and hurried his pace. He could hear muffled curses behind him from troubled passersby and loud footsteps stomping after him.
“Hey! Naruto! Oi!” a voice shouted and Naruto winced at its loudness but didn’t slow down. “I know you heard me! Asshole! Stop!”
He bumped into a lady shopping from a cart. Embarassed, he apologised as quickly as he could before continuing on. But it was time enough for his pursuer to catch up to him and jerk him back from a hold on his elbow.
“So you couldn’t hear me, you little–” Ino fumed at him, pulling him to an alley and shoving him into a wall. She crossed her arms, “You thought you could escape me?”
Naruto groaned, wondering if he could knock her out without getting into a full blown fight. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered, rubbing his elbow. “The noise was too much. I really didn’t hear you, Ino.”
Ino gave him a scathing look that spoke of her scorn for his lies. “Cut the bullshit, will you? You don’t have to run away from me.”
“Okay,” Naruto sighed, knowing this routine would repeat itself till eternity. “What do you want this time? Why are you here?”
Ino clicked her tongue, “I don’t want anything from you–” she paused, blinking. “Well, maybe I do but not in the way you’re thinking! Our academy batch is having a reunion tonight. A barbeque dinner. And as one of the hosts, I’m here to invite you to it. What do you think?”
“I think you should take this absurd idea and leave,” Naruto turned to the mouth of the alley, walking. “I’m not coming.”
Ino caught him by the sleeve and tugged hard, “Come on, Naruto. It’s been years since you’ve met them all properly. It’ll be fun, I promise.”
Naruto looked at her from the corner of his eyes. Her voice was hopeful but he could only shake his head. “It won’t be fun if I’m there. Trust me.”
“Trust me,” Ino said forcefully. “I want you there. Sakura wants you there. Sasuke wants you there. Come for us, okay?”
Naruto stilled and faced her with an impassivity he’d drilled into himself. “And what about him? Have you thought of him?”
Ino’s hand left his sleeve, her face morphing to a keen sorrow he had no interest in seeing. “Do you think he still holds a grudge against you? Really?“
“Why wouldn’t he?” Naruto questioned. “I would if I were in his place.”
Ino snorted, “No, you wouldn’t. And you know it. Just come for half an hour. Please? I won’t stop you from leaving if you don’t feel comfortable.”
Naruto stared at her for a moment. He knew she was being genuine – that wasn’t something he ever doubted about her. Despite the anxious thoughts spiralling in his mind, he decided that he owed Ino this. If only because she’d tried to help him in her own way, always. He had to do this for her if this is what she wanted.
“Okay,” he said and was warmed by how Ino’s face lit up. “I’ll be there.”
“Good! I’ll walk with you from your house. See you at seven?”
Naruto shook his head. “I’ll get there myself. I have an errand to run so I’ll be a bit late.”
Ino nodded, taking his refusal in stride. “Alright. But you better keep your word, Uzumaki.”
Naruto smiled as she sprinted away with a wave in his direction, heedless of the people she collided with on the way. Shaking his head, he resumed his walk to his second job for the day – a cart unloading task for a spice merchant. Piece of cake.
The sun had almost completed its descent when Naruto stepped out of the admin office with his meagre earnings stuffed in his waist pouch. He patted it affectionately – it was the result of all his hardwork, after all. He was still a bit sweaty from his third mission but as he slowly walked towards the grey building uphill, he felt the evening breeze breathe new life into him.
At the gate of the orphanage, he untied his forehead protector and pocketed it. Bracing himself, he stepped through. There were no kids playing in the grounds since it was already dark but he could see a few silhouettes by the pond, the sound of laughter shrouding them.
“Back again, Uzumaki-san?” the guard, Hanako, by the watchbooth waved at him and Naruto approached her with a smile.
“Of course,” he said. “It’s Thursday.”
Hanako nodded. It was routine for them to share this weekly small talk and it was never uncomfortable.
Naruto glanced towards the building entrance and bit his lip, thinking. “Has she been eating well? Is her stomachache gone?”
Hanako gave him a reassuring look, “Yes. That’s all fine, now. But she’s been asking for you. Go on in.”
“That’s a relief,” Naruto stared at his feet before looking up. “Thanks. I’ll go talk to her for a bit.”
He started walking inside but Hanako spoke again, “Naruto!” she looked conflicted, her eyes imploring him. “I know you have your reasons but don’t you think that after all this time, you should...”
Naruto waited patiently for her to continue but she just shook her head and motioned for him to go on. He did. He didn’t need her to spell it out. He knew what she wanted to say – it echoed the longing within his ownself, the same hope he was giving Tsu by visiting her regularly.
Tsu. The girl he’d saved five years ago. The girl he’d orphaned.
The matron didn’t so much as greet Naruto before directing him to the playroom. She gave him a silent warning with her eyes before busying herself with dinner preparation for the kids. He didn’t begrudge her for it – as far as he knew, the matron wasn’t friendly with anyone except the children.
He knocked on the door before opening it and peering inside. Tsu was surrounded with a few open books and boxes of crayons. A few other kids and two toddlers occupied the rest of the room. The moment he stepped inside, Tsu looked up and recognition dawned on her face. She grinned at him – so brilliantly joyful – and struggled to her feet.
“Naruto-oniisan!” she yelled and threw herself into his arms.
Naruto smiled warmly at her, picking her up and swinging her around. “I see you’re very energetic today, huh, Tsu? All better now?”
He placed her back on the floor and sat down with her. Tsu still had a silly smile on her face but she crossed her arms, saying, “Yes! I beat my sickness! Saori-san said I am a very strong girl. I am, aren’t I, niisan?”
Naruto ruffled her hair, which was already longer than he’d last seen it, “Of course you are. The strongest girl I know. Never doubt it for a second, alright?”
Tsu nodded before her stare turned sombre and she snatched his left hand. With tiny fingers, she traced the scar going from his thumb to the base of his palm.
“It’s still not healed,” she said quietly, sounding unhappy. “I told you to get it healed! Why didn’t you, niisan?”
Naruto gave her a sheepish look and took back his hand, hiding it in his pocket. He’d gotten the wound from a sharp farm tool last week and hadn’t bothered visiting the hospital for it. He knew how to dress minor injuries himself but he couldn’t avoid the scarring that could only be circumvented via chakric healing.
“I forgot,” he said with exaggerated sadness. “Please forgive your niisan, okay? He’s a bit stubborn sometimes.”
Tsu pouted in annoyance and Naruto ploughed on, “I got you a present, you know?”
At her delighted smile, Naruto felt the tiredness from the day melt away. She sat on her knees now, eager, “What is it? What is it? What did you get me?”
Naruto made a show of revealing the gift to her but when he opened his fist and showed her the duck-pendant necklace, she hugged him again.
Gently, he secured the necklace around her neck and let her fuss with the pendant. She was very fond of ducks.
“Thank you so much, niisan!” she yelled. “This is the best gift ever! I forgive you!”
Naruto pinched her cheeks and stood up, offering her his hand. “Ready for a walk, Tsu?”
Tsu nodded enthusiastically, clutching his palm tightly.
Twenty minutes later, Naruto dropped Tsu off in the dining hall. He watched the kids gathered around the big tables, eating with fervour and chatting with their friends. The atmosphere was joyful but the pang inside Naruto’s heart would not disappear. He walked back to the matron’s desk and handed over his pouch.
“It’s not much but get them all popsicles, okay?” he said, shuffling on his feet. “Summer will start in full swing soon.”
The matron sighed and accepted the pouch, giving him a scrutiny filled look. “I will,” she said finally. “Thank you.”
Naruto shrugged it off and exited swiftly, waving her goodbye. Outside, the air was cool but not cold. His vest was enough insulation and since it was already past seven, he decided to go for the reunion in his shinobi clothing itself. He was too drained to care about what they would think of his rank.
The restaurant was warmly lit and smelled of smoke and spice. He ducked under the flagged entryway and stood there, soaking in the scene before him. People with familiar faces were scattered in small groups throughout the room, most if not all of them already halfway drunk. Meat of all kinds was cooking pleasantly on grills, the smell of herbs and chillies thick in the air. Chatter flowed from wall to wall with waves of laughter.
Someone shouted his name from the center table and he approached it warily. Sakura’s rosy cheeked face greeted him with a smile. She patted the seat next to hers.
“I’m so glad you came!” she said happily, tipping a glass of sake down her throat.
Naruto raised a brow at her, wondering if he’d have to deal with her drunk state the whole night.
“Didn’t think you’d show up,” a voice ahead of him muttered and Naruto goggled at Sasuke who’d just turned to reveal his face. His eyes, too, seemed glossed over. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the Uchiha drink but there wasn’t much of a difference than when he was sober.
“Had to,” he said, shrugging. “Ino emotionally blackmailed me.”
Sasuke nodded, as if it made perfect sense and turned back to his plate of charred meat.
“Come sit, Naruto!” Sakura said, “Look! I made you a plate!”
Naruto held back a grimace at the same charred remains of something that was once edible. “Okay. But let me just wash my hands. I’ll be right back.”
Stepping into the narrow aisle to the washbasins was blessedly peaceful. He rubbed his hands raw with soap and splashed some water into his eyes for good measure. There were high chances he’d fall asleep in the middle of dinner and that was embarassing on a whole different level.
When he entered the room again, he wished he hadn’t. With more grounding this time, he was able to observe everyone more clearly. And that was when he spotted him – Shikamaru.
Like he was wont to do, Shikamaru sat at the very corner, his legs tucked under the table, sipping from a drink. Not many people were bothering him, except Chouji, who piled food onto his friend’s plate.
Naruto’s fists curled tightly as he stared at Shikamaru’s face. There, against pale skin, stood out the red angry scar that covered the right side of his face. The same lash marks peeked from underneath his collar and on his right wrist.
Despite himself, Naruto could not stop looking, could not turn away, morbidly curious to expose himself to results of his uncontrollable emotions from years ago. That one mistake, that one moment of haywired turmoil had costed Shikamaru so much.
Shikamaru placed the glass on the table and looked straight at him, locking eyes, surprise painting his face.
Naruto’s face crumpled with remorse. All sounds hushed to the background as he tried to convey his guilt and apology from across the room – emotions he’d already said through words but could not seem to let go off. Shikamaru’s face had gone back to its usual blankness but there was some heavy feeling that draped his eyes that Naruto couldn’t understand.
He opened his mouth, his throat tightening around a storm of words.
I can’t do this. I can’t pretend that everything is alright. I can’t.
“Naruto?” someone murmured nearby, astonished. “Is that really him?”
“Why’s he just standing there?” another voice enquired.
“Why would he come here? After what he did to Shika–”
“Shut it, will you?”
“Why? He makes me uncomfortable.”
The whispers grew more furious, more persistent but Naruto only paid them half a mind. He wanted to go to Shikamaru, talk to him, ask after him. He wanted things to go back to how they once were, wanted to look at him without being flooded with horrible memories and even more terrible guilt.
I can’t do this.
He turned on his heel and ran away. Like he always did.
I’m sorry, Shikamaru.
In his blind dash, Naruto sped through street after street, block after block, as far as his feet could carry him from the place of cheer where he would never belong.
He came to a halt at the Academy’s exterior, huffing out painful breaths. Something twisted in his throat and the next instant, he was crying, his face tucked low. He leaned against the walls and crouched till he was sitting on the cold concrete. He hiccupped with pent up emotion and pressed his palms to his lids, tears leaking out hotly on his face.
He was an utter mess. He knew that very well. He wasn’t sure where his life was headed and if it would ever get back on track. Everything seemed difficult lately and he knew it was his sheer will power that kept him running on low steam. But he wasn’t sure how long it would hold out anymore.
What he wouldn’t give to undo his errors, to go back to a time where he could still smile without his conscience yelling profanities at him. What he wouldn’t give to get a blank slate, to redo his life in a way that wouldn’t land him here, sitting in a heap of tears and dirt, soothing his sorrows with childish fantasies.
He sighed and leaned his head back, closing his eyes.
If only I could go back in time, things would be okay again. I would be okay again.
Naruto woke up with a start, his head pounding like heavy drumrolls. The sun was blazing hot against his skin, assaulting his sensitive eyes. Naruto stumbled to his feet, orienting himself with the support of a wooden structure behind him.
“Hey kid! Watch it! You’ll break the cart!”
Naruto ignored the frustrated shout and scratched his hair. The events of last night were fresh in his mind but everything else was muddled, enveloped in the haze of confusion. He looked around. There were people walking to and fro filling up the street, vendors setting up shop with sluggish motions and children walking alongside their parents gathering around.
It took him a moment to realise he was still at the Academy entrance, standing like an obstacle amidst the crowd’s flow. He hastily stepped aside, careful to not bump into anyone.
Had he really slept here? Had he just passed out?
Everything seemed so... off. He couldn’t tell why. He felt overwhelmed, like everyone was so much bigger than him, ready to swallow him whole. He wasn’t even hungover.
Still a little befuddled, he started walking away when he spotted a few kids laughing boisterously while painting the Academy’s wall in neon. Every single emotion, in that instant, was replaced with the acute feeling of annoyance.
He marched towards them, hands on his hips and shouted, “Oi! You brats! Stop right this instant! Do you know how much hardwork it takes for us adults to scrub out that paint? Huh? Do you know–”
The kid spearheading the operation turned around with a laugh that sounded a little confused, “What are you talking about?” he said, waving a brush at Naruto. “Are you pranking us? Come on, don’t stand there! Join us!”
Naruto frowned at the brat, affronted by the offer. “Why would I join you?” he scoffed, shaking his head. “I’m telling you, stop what you’re doing and clean up the mess. Because of you, some poor chunin will be saddled with the duty of–”
Another kid stepped out of the group, this one looking remarkably like Kiba. Had Kiba spawned without Naruto knowing? That seemed unlikely. Inuzukas were incredibly inbred though so...
“Are you okay?” Kiba’s mini lookalike asked with a frown. “You were the one who started this, you know? How come you’re lecturing us like this now?”
Naruto blinked at him. What did the kid mean by he’d started this? Was this a bizarre dream he was having? Why was everyone staring at him weirdly?
“I started this? What – what do you mean?”
“I know what you’re trying to do,” the kid from before said, crossing his arms. “You’re trying to save yourself from punishment, huh? Never thought you were the type for such sneakiness, Naruto.”
Naruto’s mouth dropped open. “I don’t know who you are, kid, but I don’t think you are in any position to call me by my first name. How dare you try to insinuate that I would ever partake in such a juvenile prank?”
Kiba’s mini clone came right up to him and it was odd how Naruto didn’t need to look down at him. They were of the same height. Stopping before him, the boy held him by the shoulders. And then, he shook Naruto hard.
“Drop the act, Naruto,” the kid said. “You’re acting like a grouchy grandpa.”
Naruto shoved the hands away, careful to not hurt the boy. Why were these random delinquents prentending to know him? It made no sense.
He turned this way and that, trying to search for clues. He wasn’t in any genjustu, that was certain. But he wasn’t dreaming either. This was happening in reality but he wasn’t sure he had much of a grasp on what was real or not anymore.
His eyes caught sight of a gleaming mirror and a gaudy orange colour from fading memories of childhood halted the whirlwind in his mind. Slowly, warily, he approached the mirror hanging on the woodwork shop’s wall. He gasped at seeing his reflection.
Gone were his hard-earned eyebags, gone was the length of his hair. His chunin vest was missing and he wore not the blue standard ninja attire but the orange jacket and pants that were a staple in his Academy days. His eyes were so blue and they shone brighter than ever. His hands were clean and much less calloused, his nails chipped.
He was also atleast a foot shorter than he was last night.
“Kid! You’re blocking my customers! Either buy something or get lost!”
Naruto faced the shopkeeper. “I’m not a kid!” he blurted desperately before bolting.
He didn’t get far though. Someone grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back.
“Up to your usual mischief again, Naruto?” Iruka-sensei asked with a stern look.
Naruto groaned. Was he really getting scolded by his once-teacher like he was some naughty prankster on the loose? Again?
“I didn’t do anything,” he said, rubbing the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t wait for this shitshow to be over.
“Really?” Iruka said with a quirked eyebrow, deliberately straying his eyes to the painted wall beside them. “Then how do you explain that right there?”
Naruto scoffed, “That wasn’t me. That was – that was a group of troublemaker kids! One of them looked freakishly like Kiba? You remember Kiba? I was telling them to stop their shenanigans, infact! I’m on your side!”
Iruka-sensei was evidently amused which just further annoyed Naruto. He didn’t want to accept what he was witnessing. If he told himself everything was normal forcefully enough, it would be. It had to be.
“Why wouldn’t I remember Kiba? He’s my student,” Iruka said, chuckling. “And you are, too. So quit lying, okay, Naruto? I see through you. Come on, now. We have to get to class. We’ll discuss your punishment later on.”
Naruto let himself be pulled by the arm, too stunned to protest. He was neither Iruka’s student – had not been for years – nor was he lying. But one thing was clear enough.
Kiba’s mini clone was most probably, most outrageously, Kiba himself.
And Naruto, somehow, had turned young again. Young enough to be a student at the Academy.
Young enough to live his life a second time.
In that moment between moments, when the truth had yet to settle in, Naruto wasn’t sure if his granted wish was a blessing or a curse.